Category: Other Nonsense & Spam

Snake Bites: Distilled Wisdom, January 11, 1993

Newsgroups: rec.backcountry
From: eugene@amelia.nas.nasa.gov (Eugene N. Miya)
Subject: [l/m 9/2/92] Snake bite: Distilled Wisdom (11/28) XYZ
Organization: NAS Program, NASA Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, CA
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 12:20:18 GMT
Message-ID:
Reply-To: hall@vice.ico.tek.com (Hal Lillywhite)
Lines: 881

Panel 11

[These lines may not correspond in your news reader.]

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 25

Acknowledgments and References . . . . . . Line 74

Various Snakes and their Effects . . . . . Line 193

Venoms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 237

Four Special Cases . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 276

Identification . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 344

The “Three Nasties” . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 425
Eastern Diamondback . . . . . . . . . . Line 478
Western Diamondback . . . . . . . . . . Line 526
Mojave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 552

Prevention . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 621

Treatment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Line 690

SUMMARY:

Poisonous snake bite is a potentially serious accident. It can
lead to severe pain or other problems, occasionally even death.
However in North America it is not nearly as dangerous as most
believe. These snakes seldom bite humans and even when they do
such bites are seldom fatal. There is no need to allow fear of
snakes to ruin your enjoyment of the outdoors.

Snakes will usually avoid you if you give them a chance. Try to
be sure they know you are comming, don’t reach into places they
might hide, be careful turning over rocks, boards etc. in snake
country. Leave snakes alone unless you are sure they are safe
(there is no simple rule to identify which are poisonous). This
also applies to dead snakes and detached heads – reflex bites are
just as dangerous as bites by a live snake.

If someone is bitten:

Clean and disinfect the wound.

Transport to a hospital as quickly as reasonably possible.
Try to keep the patient quiet and resting. If necessary a
victim alone must walk to reach treatment but this should be
avoided if possible.

Immobilize the area much as for a fracture. Use constricting
bands above and below the site but be certain they do not
interfere with blood circulation, they are only to slow down
the movement of lymphatic fluids just under the skin.
Alternatively, wrap entire area snugly with a cloth, elastic
bandage, etc again being careful not to interfere with blood
circulation.

As best you can, identify the snake to aid in determining the
proper treatment. If you can do so safely, kill the snake and
take it with you to the hospital for definite identification.
(But don’t kill snakes which haven’t bitten anybody.)

*DO NOT* cut into the wound area unless you are medically
trained to do so. You will probably do more damage than the
snake did. If you have a good syringe style suction device
and the snake is a pit viper, you may attempt to suck venom
out through the wound it went into, but do not let this delay
evacuation to a hospital.

[End of Summary]

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AND REFERENCES

At the outset I would like to thank the following for their helpful
comments and suggestions:

loosemore-sandra@CS.YALE.EDU (Sandra Loosemore)
blazekm@a.cs.okstate.edu
pholland@iastate.edu (Paul Hollander)
KLEINSCHMIDT@MCCLB0.MED.NYU.EDU (Jochen)

A special thanks to:

CWA@NAUVAX.UCC.NAU.EDU (Curt Anderson) for providing information I
was not able to find in the library here.

ed@titipu.meta.COM (Edward Reid) who put me into contact with Paul
Moler, a professional herpologist with the Florida Dept. of Game
and Freshwater Fish.

And of course a big thanks to Dr. Moler who was very helpful in
correcting some errors and providing information.

References – as long as this posting is, it only scratches the
surface. The following sources will provide more information:

_Medicine for Mountaineering_, (referred to as ‘MFM’ throughout this
article) Third Edition 1985. James A. Wilkerson, M.D. ed. The
snakebite section starts on p234. This book, published by the
Mountaineers in Seattle, is probably the standard reference for
backcountry medicine.

_A Field Guide to Western Reptiles and Amphibians_, Robert C.
Stebbins, Houghton Mifflin, 1966. A good guide to snakes (and other
reptiles etc.) including descriptions, color illustrations and maps
of their ranges. Part of the Peterson Field Guide Series, sponsored
by the Audubon Society and National Wildlife Federation. Covers
only the western U.S.

_Rattlesnakes_, Laurence M. Klauber, University of California Press,
1982. This is a condensation of a 2 volume series on the same topic
which I have not seen. This book does not provide as much
identification information as does Stebbins (but it does include
range maps). It does provide a lot of interesting information about
all sorts of topics from the snake life cycle to collections of
folklore and misinformation.

I have not actually seen the following although others have
recommended them:

_The Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Reptiles and
Amphibians_

_Conant, R. 1975. A field Guide to Reptiles and Amphibians of
Eastern and Central North America_, Houghton Mifflin Company;Boston.
Covers the eastern U.S. but there is also a western edition.

Russell, Findlay E. 1983. _Snake Venom Poisoning_. Scholium International,
Great Neck, NY. (reprint with corrections of the 1980 edition.)

INTRODUCTION:

Snakebite is always a hot topic. In what follows I will attempt to
describe prevention and treatment of bites by poisonous snakes in
North America as well as the effects of such bites. Be aware that
we are dealing with overreaction and hype here. Popular literature,
folklore, movies etc. have greatly exaggerated both the probability
of snakebite and the likely outcome should it happen. We are much
less likely to get bitten than many would have us believe. Further-
more snakebite, while serious, is not the death sentence often
implied. Snakes (poisonous and otherwise) have excited a lot of
aversion and superstition over the ages, resulting in unwarranted
fear, sometimes even panic. Aside from its adverse effect on the
enjoyment of life, this fear and panic can lead to:

Improper treatment of those few cases which need treatment for
envenomation

Dangerous overtreatment for bites in which envenomation does not
occur

Worsening of outcome of snakebites due to panic, and

Unnecessary and dangerous treatment of bites by non-poisonous
snakes.

With a couple of exceptions listed below, snakebite in the U.S.
should be treated conservatively. Even on those exceptions there is
no need to jump in with knives tournequets etc. to try to suck out
the venom (particularly by mouth). However victims should be given
appropriate treatment and rapidly evacuated to medical facilities.

“About no other medical subject has so much been written when
so little has been known!

“Poisonous snake bites are unquestionably serious, potentially
deadly accidents. Nonetheless, the danger from a single bite
has been greatly exaggerated, particularly in the United States,
where an average of less than fifteen people die each year as
the result of bites by poisonous snakes. Less than one percent
of poisonous snake bites in this country are lethal. In other
parts of the world poisonous snakes are a more serious problem.
Many of the snakes in those areas have a much more toxic venom,
treatment is less successful, and sophisticated medical care is
less available.” (MFM p234)

Of course severity will vary with species as well as with the
individual snake – larger snakes of the same species tend to have
more venom (possibly offset by the larger snake having learned to
“ration” its venom while a younger animal is more likely to inject
the full load). However in North America we do not have the really
nasty varieties found in some parts of the world. There is no
reason to panic when someone is bitten by a snake. Even the “three
nasties” described below are not nearly as dangerous as the cobras,
black mambas and death adders found in some parts of the world.

THE VARIOUS SNAKES AND THEIR EFFECTS:

According to MFM poisonous snakes in the US all belong to one of
two families:

Crotalids (pit vipers):
copperhead
water moccasin or cottonmouth
various species of rattlesnake

Elapids: only the coral snake (eastern and western versions)
lives in the U.S.

Crotalids have the most efficient injection mechanism of any snake,
about as good as a hypodermic syringe and needle. They are equipped
with relatively long hollow fangs backed up by a system of injecting
venom through those fangs. This gives them the ability to inject large
volumes of venom quickly. Crotalid fangs can fold back into the mouth
so lack of visible fangs does not necessarily mean an unarmed snake.
Most crotalids have venom less toxic than that of coral snakes.
Crotalids, however are more dangerous because (a) they are more likely
to bite a human, (b) they can inject venom *much* more efficiently, and
(c) they are usually larger and have more venom to use.

Elapids on the other hand have grooved fangs, a much less efficient
injection mechanism. Generally they chew to get the venom into the
victim. The size of coral snakes also limits them to biting fingers
or loose folds of skin. These snakes belong to the same family as
some of the world’s nastiest critters: black mamba, death adder and
cobra. However the American coral snakes is about as mild as a
poisonous snake can be. It is not aggressive. – Children have
reportedly played with them for hours without being bitten. (No
record exists of how many parental heart attacks this has caused.)
The venom is relatively potent, however, and treatment should be given
for bites which do occur. Coral snake bites make up less than 2% of
all U.S. snake bites. There are no known fatalities from coral snake
bites since the development of the _Micrurus fulvius_ antivenom.

The western coral snake is even less dangerous. It is smaller yet
and would have a hard time biting a person even if inclined to do
so. The rare bites which do occur should be treated the same as
other coral snake bites.

VENOMS:

Snake venom usually contains two types of poison:

Hemolytic toxins which attack the walls of blood vessels, and

Neurotoxins which attack the nerves.

Hemolytic toxin attacks blood vessel walls, allows serum to escape
into the surrounding tissues and causes clotting within the vessels.
The result is severe swelling, pain, and discoloration at the site.
In the few cases where hemolytic toxins cause death the actual cause
is likely to be shock. The effects of hemolytic toxin are immediate
and primarily localized. Symptoms will be obvious.

Neurotoxins produce much less obvious immediate symptoms, at times
fooling the victim into believing envenomation has not occurred.
However symptoms can appear later. Neurotoxins produce much less
local reaction than do hemolytic toxins. However they can affect
nerves quite removed from the site of the bite. In extreme cases they
can cause respiratory arrest although this is uncommon with most North
American snakes. However respiratory distress without actual arrest
is likely to occur in neurotoxin victims. Less severe symptoms from
neurotoxins include tingling or prickly feelings and eyelid paralysis.

All snake venom probably has some of each kind of toxin. However in
general the pit vipers have a higher fraction of hemolytic toxin
while elapids have more neurotoxin. (The Mojave rattlesnake, a pit
viper, is an exception. See below.)

The potency of venom will vary, with species, with time of year and
with geographic area. Furthermore the typical snake mouth is no
cleaner than a human’s – they tend to have a lot of microbial
contamination. It is common for a snake to bite without injecting
venom, especially in larger animals. However the microbial
contaminants will always be present and should always be treated.
(Such contamination seems to be much less of a problem in bites by
non-venomous snakes, probably because they do not penetrate deeply.)

FOUR SPECIAL CASES:

Four varieties deserve special mention: the copperhead because a
single bite is not very dangerous, and the diamondback (eastern and
western) and Mojave rattlesnakes because they are dangerous:

The copperhead has probably the mildest venom of any poisonous
snake in the U.S. Adults bitten by a single copperhead usually
need only supportive therapy and good cleansing and disinfection
of the wound. A study of 400 victims of copperhead bites found
only 2 deaths, both the result of simultaneous bites by 3 or more
snakes. I would treat a copperhead bite pretty much as any other
pit viper bite, but would be able to reassure the patient a bit
more and would not be as concerned if medical help were not
readily available. This not to say that a copperhead bite won’t
hurt, it will. These bites are still serious but are unlikely to be
life threatening.

The diamondbacks, on the other hand, are potentially deadly. Both
the eastern and western versions are huge, the western species
compensating for its slightly smaller size with a more potent venom.
MFM lists the eastern diamondback as an aggressive snake and claims
it is responsible for more human deaths than any other U.S. snake.
Others dispute this. Paul Moler claims it is not particularly
aggressive and quotes some numbers which indicate that it is unlikely
to lead in killing people. I am inclined to believe Dr. Moler who
lives and works in the habitat of the eastern diamondback. I
suspect this snake’s impressive size and defense displays have given
it an exaggerated reputation. Its western cousin is almost
certainly more aggressive and at least as well equipped to ruin
your day.

The Mojave rattler is quite dangerous in spite of its size. This
little rascal (little compared to the diamondbacks anyway) is armed
with a very potent venom, high in neurotoxins. Initial reaction is
usually mild with severe symptoms comming 12 to 16 hours after the
bite. The early symptoms can easily fool you into believing there
is no problem. By the time severe symptoms appear the best time for
treatment will have passed. (This one also has a couple of close
relatives south of the border, the Mexican west coast rattler and
the South American tropical rattlesnake, also known as cascabel or
neotropical rattlesnake. They provide problems at least equal to
those of the Mojave version.)

Bites from either diamondback or the Mojave rattler should be
*aggressively* treated. This does not mean cutting unless you meet
all the conditions for it described below. However do treat such
bites with any appropriate suction device you have, try to immobilize
the venom and the affected area, and do your level best to evacuate
the victim quickly to medical facilities.

There is of course a wide variety of poisonous snakes throughout the
world. I can’t discuss them here. They are generally confined to
warmer climates in places such as Australia, Africa, the Indian
Subcontinent and Southeast Asia. (There are some exceptions such as
the European viper which ranges up to the Arctic Circle but is not
as dangerous as some of the snakes inhabiting warmer climates). If
you plan to engage in wilderness activities in these areas you might
look up something about the snakes there before you go, or post a
request and maybe somebody familiar with the area of interest can
answer. Many of these areas are inhabited by snakes *much* more
dangerous than those native to the North America. MFM does have
some information on other areas as well as a list of central medical
facilities which can provide more information. If you are not
familiar with the snakes in an area, assume they are dangerous
(especially in warm climates).

IDENTIFICATION:

*********************************************************************
* Rule One: If in doubt about whether a snake is poisonous or not, *
* >leave it alone<. There is no reliable rule to distinguish which *
* snakes are poisonous and which are not. Characteristics vary *
* greatly depending on locale and occasional individuals have *
* atypical coloration or pattern. *
*********************************************************************

It is useful to be able to identify the poisonous varieties of
snake. However it is not always easy. Coral snakes are probably
the easiest to properly identify, they are small (usually no more
than about 30 inches long, sometimes up to 40 inches), thin and
brightly colored with small heads. They can be distinguished from
the nonvenomous king snake and other harmless species by the presence
of adjacent red and yellow bands while king snakes have adjacent red
and black bands:

Red touch yellow – kill a fellow
Red touch black – venom lack.

Another mnemonic is to think of a traffic light. If red is adjacent
to yellow, stop!

Pit vipers are a bit more difficult. Of course the presence of
rattles tells you that you are dealing with a poisonous snake, but
absence thereof gives no assurance to the contrary. Copperheads and
cottonmouths have no rattles and even rattlers sometimes loose their
rattles. The presence of fangs indicates a venomous snake, but
they may be folded back in the mouth and difficult to detect, or
they may be broken off. The easiest indicator (but one which needs
practice, maybe in a zoo) is the characteristic heavy body and
triangular head of the pit viper. While some non-poisonous snakes
also have these characteristics it is better to treat a snake with
caution unless you absolutely know it is safe.

You may also look for the pit after which the pit viper is named.
This will be between the eye and nostril, one on each side of the
head (of course on the other hand you may not want to look that
closely.) The other sure indicator, although not terribly useful
for obvious reasons, is the scales behind the anal plate. Pit
vipers have a row of single scales reaching across the underside of
their bodies behind the anus while most other snakes have a double
row of scales, joining in about the middle. This last information
is probably only useful to identify a dead snake, I certainly
wouldn't want to pick up a live one to look at its underscales, at
least until I know it is not poisonous.

Some older references suggest checking the pupils of the snake's
eyes for identification. Pit vipers will have vertical slit pupils.
If it has round pupils it is not a pit viper. Perhaps, but I'm not
anxious to get that close to a snake if I think it might be
venomous.

One good indicator of the type of snake is the location. Snakes
don't wander far from home and tend to have a limited range and not
survive outside the conditions they prefer. Except in the rare case
of an escaped pet you will not find them in areas far removed from
their normal range. You simply won't find a Mojave rattler in Ohio
or an eastern diamondback in Colorado. Several of the books listed
above describe the ranges for various species, usually with maps.

Body markings are rarely sufficient for identification by the
inexperienced. It takes a *lot* of practice to learn to distinguish
between various species, some of which are quite similar externally.
Furthermore, individuals of the same species can have varying shades
of color, making such identification even more difficult. It is
good to be familiar with what the dangerous snakes look like, but be
sure you can be accurate or treat all snakes with caution. See the
references listed above for pictures and other help in identifica-
tion. If you are concerned about venomous snakes, get a book on
herpetology and study it. Visit zoos, talk with specialists etc.
I assure you that you will not become an expert by reading usenet.

Again, the best rule is, if there is any chance that the snake is
poisonous, leave it alone! Getting close enough to identify pits or
scales is dangerous. You might then be able to also examine the
fang marks on your body!

THE "THREE NASTIES:"

These three species all have the venom to make you pay *dearly*
should you upset them. However different sources give different
assessments of the disposition of the eastern diamondback and Mojave
rattler. Some list them as short tempered and quick to strike
humans while others say that they are not very aggressive. There is,
however, general agreement that all three pack a nasty wallop if
they do bite. It is useful to know if you are in their range and be
able to recognize them in order to get proper treatment should
someone get bitten. Their bites are not sure death but are more
likely to cause death than other North American venomous snakes.

While a major distinguishing feature of both diamondbacks (at least
in the adult snake) is their size, this may be an unreliable indicator.
Even experts have a difficult time estimating the size of a live snake,
a problem compounded when a novice unexpectedly encounters one. Size
estimates are typically quite generous to say the least. If the snake
is dead and can be measured you can get useful information. Most of
the danger of a diamondback comes from its size and quantity of
venom anyway. It won't make much difference if it is a juvenile
diamondback or an adult of some other species (except the Mojave).

If you can safely kill a snake which has bitten someone, do so. You
can then measure the length and take the snake with you to the hospital
for expert identification. Be careful to avoid reflex bites – either
from an intact dead snake or from a detached head. I do not advocate
killing a snake unless it has actually bitten a person.

You will notice some discrepancies in the following descriptions.
While all authorities agree that the eastern diamondback is our
largest rattler, the guidebooks list a greater length for the
western version. I attribute this to the fact that the descriptions
come from different books. Probably one author is more conservative
than the other. Either diamondback can be impressive – they are
known to swallow cottontail rabbits whole! (And there are less
reliable reports that they do the same with jackrabbits.)

Different authors also do not agree on which is the most dangerous,
some claiming this "honor" for the eastern diamondback, some for the
western version. The eastern version is larger and has more venom
but its western cousin has a more potent venom. In my opinion the
Mojave rattlesnake is also a good candidate for the most dangerous
snake in the U.S. – its very potent venom with the delayed action
make it a real danger. I'm not sure it matters much, I would not
want to be bitten by any of the three. My (partially educated)
opinion is that the western diamondback is the most dangerous since
it is probably the most likely to bite a person. Next would be the
Mojave, less likely to bite but likely to administer a *nasty* dose
of venom. The eastern diamondback would be third, probably no more
likely to bite than a Mojave and a less severe (but still quite
dangerous) venom load.

EASTERN DIAMONDBACK (Crotalus adamanteus)

(Thanks to Curt for emailing this since I couldn't find the books
referenced in our library.)

According to Conant's Reptiles & Amphibians of Eastern/Central U.S.,
"33-72"; record 96"(!). An ominously impressive snake to meet in the
field. The diamonds, dark brown or black in color, are strongly
outlined by a row of cream-colored or yellowish scales. Ground color
olive, brown, or almost black. Pattern and colors vivid in freshly
shed specimens; dull and quite dark in those preparing to shed. Only
rattler within its range with 2 prominent light lines on face and
vertical light lines on snout.

At home in the palmetto flatwoods and dry pinelands of the South.
Occasionally ventures into salt water, swimming to outlying Keys off
the Florida coast. Some snakes will permit close approach without
making a sound, whereas others, completely concealed in palmettos or
other vegetation, will rattle when dogs or persons are 20 or 30 feet
away. Many stand their ground, but when hard pressed they back away,
rattling vigorously but still facing the intruder. Frequently they
take refuge in burrows of gopher tortoises, in holes beneath stumps,
etc. Rabbits, rodents, and birds are eaten.

Range: Coastal lowlands from se. N.Carolina to extr. E. Louisiana;
all of Florida, including the Keys."

According to Audubon's herp guide (not very good for identification of
unknowns, but has good info and pictures):

"Our largest rattler. Heavy-bodied with large head sharply distinct
from neck. Back patterned with dark diamonds with light centers and
prominently bordered by a row of cream to yellow scales. Prominent
light diagonal lines on side of head. Vertical light lines on snout.
Scales keeled, in 27-29 rows."

Range and habitat same as above, but get this,

"Give it a wide berth; most dangerous snake in North America! Venom
highly destructive to blood tissue. Stumpholes, gopher tortoise burrows,
and dense patches of saw palmetto often serve as retreats. Their
numbers have been substantially reduced by extensive land development
and by rattlesnake hunters. Eats rabbits, squirrels, birds"

(The following descriptions, Mojave and western diamondback, taken from
Stebbins's book)

WESTERN DIAMONDBACK RATTLESNAKE (Crotalus atrox)

Identification: 30-89 inches. The largest western rattlesnake.
Above: gray, brown or pink with brown diamond or hexagonal blotches
on the back and fainter smaller blotches on the sides. Markings
often indefinite and peppered with small dark spots, giving an
overall speckled or dusty appearance. Tail set off from the rest of
the body by broad black and white rings, about equal in width; hence
sometimes called the "coontail" rattler. A light diagonal stripe
behind the eye intersects the upper lip well in front of the corner
of the mouth. Young: 9-14 inches, markings more distinct than in
adult.

Frequents a variety of habitats in arid and semiarid regions from
the plains into the mountains – desert, grassland, brushland,
woodland, rank growth of river bottoms, rocky canyons, and lower
mountain slopes. Crepuscular and nocturnal, but also abroad in
daytime. Perhaps the most dangerous North American serpent, often
holding ground and boldly defending itself when disturbed.
Live-bearing.

Range: SE California to E Oklahoma and E Texas, south to Isthmus of
Tehauantepec. Old records for central Arkansas and Trinidad, Las
Animas Co., Colorado. Sea level to 7000 feet.

MOJAVE RATTLESNAKE (Crotalus scutulatus)

Identification: 24-51 inches. Well-defined, light-edged dark gray to
brown diamonds, ovals, hexagons down middle of back; light scales of
pattern usually entirely light-colored. Ground color greenish gray,
olive green, brownish, or yellowish. A white to yellowish stripe
extends from behind the eye to a point behind the corner of the mouth
except at extreme southern end of range. Tail with contrasting light
and dark rings; dark rings narrower than light rings. Enlarged scales
on snout and between the supraoculars.

Chiefly inhabits upland desert and lower mountain slopes, but ranges
to about sea level near the mouth of the Colorado river and to high
elevations in the Sierra Madre Occidental. Habitats vary–barren
desert, grassland, open juniper woodland, and scrubland. This rattler
seems to be most common in areas of scattered scrubby growth such as
creosote bush and mesquite. Not common in broken rocky terrain or
where vegetation is dense. Eats kangaroo rats and other rodents; and
probably other reptiles. AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS SNAKE–EXCITABLE AND
WITH HIGHLY POTENT VENOM.

Range–S. Nevada to Puebla, near southern edge of Mexican Plateau;
western edge of Mojave Desert, Calif. to extreme w. Tex. From near sea
level to around 8300 feet.

In case of a bite it may be important to distinguish between the
diamondback and the Mojave. The ranges of the species overlap and
if you are in the area of overlap you may not know which was the
culprit. The distinction is important in the case of a bite with
little or no local reaction. In a diamondback bite this indicates
that envenomation did not occur. However if a Mojave was the
culprit no such assumption can be made and systemic reaction may
occur 12-16 hours later. The two species are very similar in
appearance. The relative width of light and dark tail bands may
be the best way to distinguish between the two. If uncertain,
assume the snake was a Mojave and treat accordingly.

Other similar snakes include the speckled and western rattlesnakes
(there are several sub-species of the speckled). Their ranges also
overlap those of the Mojave and diamondback. Similar problems
exist – that is for all except the Mojave lack of local reaction
indicates no envenomation. Again, unless you can positively
identify the snake as not a Mojave, assume that any bite was
administered by the Mojave if in its range.

Mojave venom can be up to 20 times the as potent as diamondback venom
although quantity will typically be about 1/6 that of a diamondback.
Specific references to Mojave and its unusual venom are:

_The Venomous Reptiles of Arizona_, (Arizona Game and Fish) pp55-56

_Journal of Herpetology_, Vol 23 no. 2, pp 131ff (1989)

_Herpetologica_, vol 47 No. 1 (March 1992) pp 54ff

One other note on the Mojave: There is a central Arizona version
which can be considered a subspecies. As far as I know, nobody has
yet found any differences between it and its more widely distributed
cousins except that its venom is very similar to the diamondback
venom. This of course makes it less dangerous than the standard
version. There are also "hybrids" which have components from both
venom types. Hybrids present the particular danger of a local
reaction which may fool victims and medical personnel into believing
the culprit was a diamondback until the systemic reaction due to
neurotoxin sets in later. Even experts can't tell the difference
between different varieties of Mojave except by analyzing the venom.
Obviously all Mojave (or suspected Mojave) bites should be treated
for the worst case.

PREVENTION:

Obviously the best prevention is to avoid getting bitten. This is
facilitated by the fact that humans are not the natural prey of any
venomous snake. We are a bit large for them to swallow whole and
they have no means of chopping us up into bite size pieces. Nearly
all snakebites in humans are the result of a snake defending itself
when it feels threatened. In general snakes are shy and will simply
leave if you give them a chance. The basic rule is to be sure the
snake knows you are coming. Walk heavily, they probably sense
ground vibrations better than sound. If they sense your presence
they will almost always leave before you even know they are there.
(This may not apply in other parts of the world. Some of the more
potent snakes may protect their territory as well as their bodies.)

If you do unexpectedly confront a snake, stay calm, back away and
do nothing to threaten it. (This assumes of course that the
surprise didn't cause you to jump well beyond the snake's reach.
It's amazing what the human body can do in such circumstances.)

Don't run around barefoot in snake country, especially after dark.
During warm weather snakes will be most active at night and will
defend themselves if stepped on or if you walk too close and they
sense danger. MFM lists going barefoot and gathering firewood after
dark as two of the more common activities leading to snakebite.
Going barefoot not only exposes you but also makes your footsteps
quieter so you are less likely to be felt. You could invest in a
pair of "snakeproof" boots but any high top leather boot is probably
adequate. Long pants will also help since the snake has difficulty
distinguishing between clothing and you. Venom injected into a
fold of your clothing won't hurt you much.

Remember that snakes like to hide under rocks, logs, brush etc. to
protect themselves from sun or cold. Be *very* careful in snake
country about moving such objects or reaching into anywhere a snake
might hide, or even walking by them. They might well perceive your
actions as aggressive and defend themselves. This is probably the
most dangerous situation since there may be more than one snake in
the same place and, taken by surprise, they will strike without
warning. Furthermore they will be more likely to bite your
unprotected hand, not a leg or foot protected by clothing.

Rock climbers should be careful in snake country. Snakes like to
sun themselves on ledges and it can be a real eye-opener to poke
your head up and stare one in the eyes. And while you won't find
them in the middle of a 5.12 face you may find them in cracks near
ledges etc. Remember, the mice and rats which inhabit many cliff
areas mean food to a snake and so attract them.

It is also a good idea to protect yourself while sleeping. Snakes
won't come looking to bite you, but when the temperature starts
to drop they often do look for a warm place to spend the night.
That sleeping bag with you inside can be very attractive. Use
insect netting or something else to keep them out (unless you
relish the thought of waking up to find a snake in bed with you).
There is a bit of controversy about if they will actually crawl into
bed with you, but I would want to take precautions. Also check the
sleeping bag before you get in to be sure it isn't already
occupied. The same goes for your boots in the morning.

Be careful entering old buildings such as mining cabins. They make
nice homes for snakes.

Obviously you should not handle or tease poisonous snakes. Less
obvious is the danger of handling them when they are dead. A reflex
strike from a dead snake can be just as dangerous as a bite by a
live one. This also applies to detached heads of dead snakes.

TREATMENT:

Now, what about treatment? What do you do if you or a member of
your party becomes one of the unfortunate few to actually get
bitten?

The first thing is to remain calm. Remember, snake bite is *not*
usually deadly in spite of all the hype about it. Even without
treatment you will almost certainly recover. If you can identify
the snake do so. It is better if you can safely take it with you to
the hospital to be sure of getting the right anti-venom. However
do not risk more bites to do so. Remember the first rule of rescue:
Do not create any more victims or risk further injuring the current
victim.

Treat for microbial infection. Bacteria which cause tetanus and gas
gangrene have been isolated from the mouths of poisonous snakes.
Cleanse the wound and if possible disinfect with Betadyne or other
effective antiseptic. Cleansing and disinfecting the wound is the
single most effective treatment you can give in the field. The
victim should also be sure his tetanus vaccine is up to date.

Definitive treatment requires a physician who will administer anti-
venom as well as other treatment. Most antivenom is made with horse
serum so try to find out if the patient has any allergy to it and if
so be sure the doctor is informed of that fact. Keep the patient as
quiet as possible and evacuate quickly to medical facilities.

A word about the Mojave: Most of the snakes of this species have a
venom high in neurotoxin as described above. This is particularly
difficult to treat, both in the field and in a medical facility.
The standard antivenom is less effective against it than against
venoms with a higher percentage of hemolytic toxins. It is
especially important to start treatment quickly for a Mojave bite.
The bitten limb must be immobilized and spread of the venom slowed
as much as possible. This is one case where it would be worth an
extra effort to remove the venom if the conditions below can be met.
Also be extra diligent to in transporting the victim quickly to a
hospital. Be prepared to provide breathing assistance.

A victim alone should try to evacuate himself to medical facilities,
even if this includes walking. Obviously he should do no more
exercise than absolutely necessary.

If the victim is accompanied by only one other person that person
should do as much treatment as can be done quickly, then go for help.
Larger groups should send someone for help while others stay to
provide as much treatment as they can, or start to evacuate the patient
if possible. The object is to get the victim to a medical facility
quickly with as little rough handling or movement on his part as
possible. Helicopter evacuation is preferred but even having an
ambulance at the trailhead is a great help.

Try to slow the spread of the venom. Use constricting bands above
and below the site of the bite. These should *not* be tight enough
to cut off circulation, all you want to do is slow down the movement
of the fluids under the skin. Keep watching these bands, they should
not be on a swollen area and you may have to move them as swelling
increases. To re-iterate: *Do*not*cut*off*circulation*.

A more recent development for immobilizing the venom is to wrap the
area snugly with fabric and immobilize the limb with a splint. Any
type of fabric, including elastic bandages, works well. Just be
sure it is not tight enough to cut off blood circulation and watch
for swelling which might make it too tight.

The bitten limb should be immobilized, especially if bitten by an
elapid such as a coral snake. Treat it like a fracture.

You will not be able to remove very much of the venom, almost none
in an elapid bite where the chewing will have dispersed it. However,
you should try if *all* of the following criteria are met:

1. You can start venom removal within 10 minutes (thereafter it
tends to be so dispersed that you will not likely be very
effective)

2. You have appropriate suction devices to remove it. This means a
syringe style suction device, the rubber suction cups often sold in
"snake-bite kits" do not develop enough suction to do the job. It
is not necessary to cut the wound to suck out venom, it went in
through the fang marks and can come out the same way. In my opinion
you should not try to suck it out with your mouth. That is not likely
to be effective, risks venom getting into your blood via an open sore,
and most importantly is likely to further contaminate the wound. If
you lack an appropriate suction device, forget it.

3. The bite was inflicted by a pit viper.

If you do try to remove the venom, place the suction device over the
fang marks. They may not always be obvious if the snake has bitten
hard enough to leave marks from other teeth also. Be aware that you
are not going to get out much of the venom. Removal of 5 to 15%
would be about all you can expect. The sooner after the bite you
start the more effective you will be, the venom disperses quickly.

There is some controversy over the idea of cutting into the flesh
around the fang marks. While this can facilitate removal of venom
it is also very dangerous. Unless you really know what you are
doing you may do more damage than the snake did. Muscles, nerves,
and blood vessels may all be in the area and you can damage them,
sometimes permanently. Most classes I have attended do not
recommend cutting. MFM recommends it under certain conditions,
namely:

1. The "surgeon" knows enough to avoid cutting anything vital. In
my mind this eliminates most of us, including myself, from doing
this cutting. The cuts need to be quite deep, about an eighth to a
quarter of an inch, and I don't think most of us remember enough
anatomy to do that safely, especially during the tense times which
accompany a snake bite.

2. The culprit is positively identified as a pit viper. (Antivenom
is the only effective treatment for elapid bites, including the
coral snake.)

3. The victim is 3 hours or more from the nearest medical facility
and incision and suction will not delay evacuation.

Keep in mind that MFM is aimed at a readership which includes some
highly trained medical people, physicians etc. It may make sense
for them to perform some procedures which most of us should not even
think about attempting. You will do no damage with an appropriate
attempt to suck venom out of the same wound it went in. However you
can do a *lot* of damage when you start cutting. Leave the surgery
to those trained and licensed to do it.

(MFM mentions cold therapy only to *strongly* advise against its use.
It is *not* effective and, particularly in the case of a pit viper
bite, will impede recovery. Cold will restrict circulation already
compromised by the damage to blood vessels. Furthermore, the body's
principle detoxifying mechanism appears to be the action of
antibodies against the venom. Lowering of the temperature retards
access of antibodies to the toxins. Cold therapy apparently was
proposed on the assumption that the venom is an emzyme. In fact
most are peptides which cooling does not inactivate.)

How about a "snake-bite kit?" Obviously you want to be prepared for
emergencies which are likely to happen but I don't think that
necessarily means buying a kit and carrying it all the time. Except
for a suction device you should already be carrying everything you
need in your standard first aid kit. Snakebite is so rare that I
don't think I would even bother with a suction device unless a bite
by one of the "three nasties" is a reasonable probability. Items
which ought to be in your first aid kit and are useful in case of
snake bite are:

1. A good antiseptic (eg. Betadyne) to cleanse the bite.

2. Elastic bandage or gauze ("cling") to use in making constricting
bands or wrapping the area to immobilize the venom.

3. Splinting materials to immobilize the limb bitten.

(Written by Hal Lillywhite. Last update: 2 September 1992)

TABLE OF CONTENTS of this chain:

11/ Snake bite
12/ Netiquette
13/ Questions on conditions and travel
14/ Dedication to Aldo Leopold
15/ Leopold’s lot.
16/ Morbid backcountry/memorial
17/ Information about bears
18/ Poison ivy, frequently ask, under question
19/ Lyme disease, frequently ask, under question
20/ “Telling questions” backcountry Turing test
21/ AMS
22/ Words from Foreman and Hayduke
23/ A bit of song (like camp songs)
24/ What is natural?
25/ A romantic notion of high-tech employment
26/ Other news groups of related interest, networking
27/ Films/cinema references
28/ References (written)
1/ DISCLAIMER
2/ Ethics
3/ Learning I
4/ learning II (lists, “Ten Essentials,” Chouinard comments)
5/ Summary of past topics
6/ Non-wisdom: fire-arms topic circular discussion
7/ Phone / address lists
8/ Fletcher’s Law of Inverse Appreciation and advice
9/ Water Filter wisdom
10/ Words from Rachel Carson

END.

The Unofficial Smiley Dictionary

The Unofficial Smilie Dictionary
——————————–

🙂 Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
joking statement since we can’t hear voice inflection over Unix.
😉 Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
More of a “don’t hit me for what I just said” smilie.
🙁 Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is upset
or depressed about something.
:-I Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as
good as a happy smilie
:-> User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).
>:-> User just made a really devilish remark.
>;-> Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.

Those are the basic ones…Here are some somewhat less common ones:

(-: User is left handed
%-) User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight
:*) User is drunk
[:] User is a robot
😎 User is wearing sunglasses
B:-) Sunglasses on head
::-) User wears normal glasses
B-) User wears horn-rimmed glasses
8:-) User is a little girl
:-)-8 User is a Big girl
:-{) User has a moustache
:-{} User wears lipstick
{:-) User wears a toupee
}:-( Toupee in an updraft
:-[ User is a Vampire
:-E Bucktoothed vampire
:-F Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
:-7 User just made a wry statement
:-* User just ate something sour
:-)~ User drools
:-~) User has a cold
:’-( User is crying
:’-) User is so happy, s/he is crying
:-@ User is screaming
:-# User wears braces
:^) User has a broken nose
:v) User has a broken nose, but it’s the other way
:_) User’s nose is sliding off of his/her face
:<) User is from an Ivy League School
:-& User is tongue tied.
=:-) User is a hosehead
-:-) User is a punk rocker
-:-( (real punk rockers don't smile)
:=) User has two noses
+-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office
`:-) User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning
,:-) Same thing…other side
|-I User is asleep
|-O User is yawning/snoring
:-Q User is a smoker
😕 User smokes a pipe
O-) Megaton Man On Patrol! (or else, user is a scuba diver)
O 🙂 User is an angel (at heart, at least)
😛 Nyahhhh!
:-S User just made an incoherent statement
😀 User is laughing (at you!)
:-X User's lips are sealed
:-C User is really bummed
<|-) User is Chinese
<|-( User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
(8() User is Numidian
:-/ User is skeptical
C=:-) User is a chef
@= User is pro-nuclear war
*<:-) User is wearing a Santa Claus Hat
😮 Uh oh!
(8-o It's Mr. Bill!
*:o) And Bozo the Clown!
3:] Pet smilie
3:[ Mean Pet smilie
d8= Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat.
E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator
:-9 User is licking his/her lips
%-6 User is braindead
[:-) User is wearing a walkman
(:I User is an egghead
;*{)) Mega-Smilie… A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft,
a mustache, and a double chin

Note: A lot of these can be typed without noses to make midget smilies.

🙂 Midget smilie
:] Gleep…a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend
=) Variation on a theme…
🙂 – Happy
😀 – Laughter
:I – Hmmm…
🙁 – Sad
:[ – Real Downer
:O – Yelling
:,( – Crying
[] – Hugs and
:* – Kisses
|I – Asleep
|^o -Snoring

:-` smiley spitting out its chewing tobacco
:-1 smiley bland face
:-! ”
:-@ smiley face screaming
:-#| smiley face with bushy mustache
:-$ smiley face with it’s mouth wired shut
:-% smiley banker
:-6 smiley after eating something sour
:^) smiley with pointy nose (righty)
:-7 smiley after a wry statement
😎 smiley swimmer
:-* smiley after eating something bitter
:-& smiley which is tongue-tied
:-0 smiley orator
smiley invisible man
(:-( unsmiley frowning
(:-) smiley big-face
):-) ”
):-( unsmiley big-face
)8-) scuba smiley big-face
=:-) smiley punk-rocker
=:-( (real punk rockers don’t smile)
+:-) smiley priest
:-q smiley trying to touch its tongue to its nose
:-e disappointed smiley
:-t cross smiley
:-i semi-smiley
😮 smiley singing national anthem
:-p smiley sticking its tongue out (at you!)
:-[ un-smiley blockhead
:-] smiley blockhead
:-{ smiley variation on a theme
:-} ditto
{:-) smiley with its hair parted in the middle
}:-) above in an updraft
:-a lefty smilely touching tongue to nose
:-s smiley after a BIZARRE comment
:-d lefty smiley razzing you
g-) smiley with ponce-nez glasses
:-j left smiling smilely
:-k beats me, looks like something, tho.
:-l y. a. s.
:-: mutant smiley
:- undecided smiley
😐 “have an ordinary day” smiley
😉 winking smiley
:- y.a.s.
:-z y.a.c.s.
😡 “my lips are sealed” smiley
:-c bummed out smiley
:-v talking head smiley
:v) left-pointing nose smiley
:-b left-pointing tongue smiley
:-/ lefty undecided smiley
😕 smilely smoking a pipe
.-] one-eyed smilely
,-} wry and winking
0-) smiley cyclops (scuba diver?)
:-=) older smiley with mustache
:u) smiley with funny-looking left nose
:n) smiley with funny-looking right nose
: midget smiley
}:^#}) mega-smiley: updrafted bushy-mustached pointy nosed smiley with
a double-chin
🙂 ha ha ~~:-( net.flame
|-) hee hee O |-) net.religion
|-D ho ho
:-> hey hey 8 :-I net.unix-wizards
🙁 boo hoo X-( net.suicide
:-I hmm E-:-I net.ham-radio
:-O uh oh >:-I net.startrek
😛 nyah nyah 3:o[ net.pets
|-P yuk

:-} beard
:-{ mustache
:-# braces
:-X bow tie
:-Q smoker
:–
Birth |-O Death 8-#
Infinity 8

======================================================================
Some smiliey people:

A pig :@)
A leper : )
Jimmy Durante :###)
Donald Trump :$)
Carl Friedrich Gauss :+)
Peter Ubberoth :~)
Jose Feliciano -)
Helen Keller –
Dolly Parton 🙂 8
John Holmes 🙂 —
###
Bon Jovi #:-)
###
#
Ed Koch 🙂
#
Bozo the Clown:
###
:o)
###
Siamese twins:
(-::-)
An accountant:
:%)
Sam Kinnison:
:-)!!!
a schizophrenic:
*!#*!^*&:-)
a manic depressive:
🙂 … 🙁 … 🙂 … 🙁 ….
Adolph Hitler:
:-=)
Arnold Schwarznegger:
:-)==
98-pound weakling:
:-)–
Sammy Davis, Jr.:
.-)
A philosopher:
:?)
я

How To Make Slime, By Black September

BLACK SEPTEMBER PRESENTS

=-> HOW TO MAKE SLIME PLASTICWOODEN L.E. Pirate <-

Note : This "stuff" is hardly anything like that crap called Ekto Plazm
(Ghostbuster slime stuff.). This is just a slime kind of thing,
that defies Newton's 3rd law of motion. Try it, slam your hand
into it. If it's good. It will not splatter. Later.

[/————————————————————————–/]

The College Slang Dictionary 1989

Date: Tue, 19 Dec 89 13:48:18 EST
From: jmdoyle@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jennifer Doyle)
Subject: College Slang Dictionary

It’s finally here, what you’ve all been waiting for! The official USENET
dictionary of college slang. Sorry it took so long, but it *is* the end of the
semester, and I’ve been busy. If you’re reading this article in soc.college,
this is the cover article, and there will be 3 articles to follow: the
dictionary itself, the people and colleges I heard from, and a list of courses
with slang names. If you are reading this in any other newsgroup, email
jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu if you would like any of these lists. The
dictionary is about 130 words long. Enjoy!

Jen

“Make mine a root beer, Mike. Thanks. To communication! ”
——————————————————————————-
Jennifer Doyle // Princeton ’92 // jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu
Disclaimer: I am a student, I represent the future.

Date: Tue, 19 Dec 89 13:48:21 EST
From: jmdoyle@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jennifer Doyle)
Subject: College Slang Posting I: people and colleges (1 of 3)

This is the first of 3 postings. For details, see the cover article “College
Slang Dictionary”.

Jen
*******************************************************************************
Here’s the people who sent me their slang, and helped make this dictionary.
Thanks to all of them. If I missed a name, I’m very sorry. I’m only human. 🙂
——————————————————————————-
Name Userid
——————————————————————————-

AEJCampbell aejc@louie.cc.utexas.edu
Bill Warner WTW101%PSUVM@pucc
Brendan O’Connor bmoconno@phoenix.princeton.edu
Brian Greenberg greenber@eniac.seas.upenn.edu
Bryon Buck ls2@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Douglas J. Katz gt2783c@prism.gatech.edu
Drew MacBride laba-3ae@WEB.berkeley.edu
Edward J. Jordan basilisk%plum@hub.ucsb.edu
Greg Skinner gds@CS.UCLA.EDU
Harlan ? harlan@BBN.COM
Heather Corbett mikey@bambam.wellesley.edu
James Burley Huber jh5x+@andrew.cmu.edu
James Hu jxh@phobos.cis.ksu.edu
Jason Albert ejalbert@phoenix.princeton.edu
Jeff Hildebrand JDH92@campus.swarthmore.edu
Jennifer Doyle jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu
John Wilber wilber%sal-sun19.usc.edu@usc.edu
K.S. Palmer ksp8305@ultb.isc.rit.edu
Katherine ? kewms@ATHENA.MIT.EDU
Ken Lin C.Kenny.Lin@f.gp.cs.cmu.edu
M. G. Stinnett nuapple@vm1.nodak.edu
Matthew R. Byer byer@uxh.cso.uiuc.edu
Michael E. Yellin my0l+@andrew.cmu.edu
Michael Tod Rose mr2t+@andrew.cmu.edu
Paul J Zawada zawada@en.ecn.purdue.edu
Phillip A. Remaker ames!amdcad!pepsi!remaker
S. Patel gatech!kong!ncratl!ncrlnk!ncrcae!PEDEV!PEDEV.Columbia.NCR.COM!sandy
Shin ? shin@oddjob.uchicago.edu
Stacy Weaver stacy@sci.ccny.cuny.edu
Stephen Brent Peters sp2q+@andrew.cmu.edu
Stuart Koyanagi STUART%OCE%gamera.usc.edu@usc.edu
Tiny Bubbles… ho@fergvax.unl.edu
Valerie Ohm valerie@athena.mit.edu
Victor Kan kan@DG-RTP.DG.COM

These are the colleges that the slang came from. They range from New Jersey to
California, and from North Dakota to Texas. Again, if I missed one, I’m sorry.
——————————————————————————-
Abbrieviation Full name of College Location
——————————————————————————-

Berkeley University of Calif. at Berkeley Berkeley, Cal.
CCNY City College New York City, N.Y.
CMU Carnegie-Mellon University Pittsburgh, Penn.
CSM Colorado School of Mines Golden, Col.
Columbia Columbia University New York City, N.Y.
Ga. Tech Georgia Institute of Technology Atlanta, Ga.
Georgetown Georgetown University Washington, D.C.
Kansas State Kansas State University Manhattan, Ks.
MIT Masachusetts Institute of Technology Cambridge, Mass.
Muhlenburg Muhlenburg College Allentown, Penn.
N.D. State North Dakota State University North Dakota
Okl. State Oklahoma State University Oklahoma
Penn State Pennsylvania State University Pennsylvania
Princeton Princeton University Princeton, N.J.
Purdue Purdue University W. Lafayette, Ind.
RIT Rochester Institute of Technology Rochester, N.Y.
Swarthmore Swarthmore College Swarthmore, Penn.
U. of Chicago University of Chicago Chicago, Ill.
U. of Ill. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Illinois
U. of Neb. University of Nebraska-Lincoln Lincoln, Neb.
U. of Pgh. University of Pittsburgh Pittsburgh, Penn.
U. of Rochester University of Rochester Rochester, N.Y.
UCSB University of California at Santa Barbara Santa Barbara, Cal.
UPenn University of Pennsylvania Philadelphia, Penn.
USC University of Southern California Los Angeles, Cal.
UT at Austin University of Texas at Austin Austin, Tx.
Wellesley Wellesley College Wellesley, Mass.

“Make mine a root beer, Mike. Thanks. To communication! ”
——————————————————————————-
Jennifer Doyle // Princeton ’92 // jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu
Disclaimer: I am a student, I represent the future.

Date: Tue, 19 Dec 89 13:48:25 EST
From: jmdoyle@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jennifer Doyle)
Subject: College Slang Posting II:course name slang (2 of 3)

This is the second of 3 articles. For details, see the cover article “College
Slang Dictionary”.

Jen
*******************************************************************************
PRINCETON
Geo 201/202 – “Rocks for Jocks”
Architecture 204 – “Architorture”

PURDUE
Engineering 100 – “Sleep 100”

NORTH DAKOTA STATE UNIVERSITY
Physics 107 Adventures in Physics – “Physics for Jocks and Pretty Girls”

BERKELEY
Physics 10 Physics Without Math – “Physics for Poets”
Astronomy 10 Self Paced General Astro – “Astro Without Stars”
Geology 50 Intro to Geology – “Rocks for Jocks”
Math P Remedial Trig & Algebra – “Math Without Numbers”

CARNEGIE-MELLON
Architorture – “Architecture”
Sadistics – “Statistics”

ROCHESTER INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
Anatomy and Physiology – “A and P”
Digital Organization and Management – “DOoM”

PENN STATE
GEOSC 20 Planet Earth – “Rocks for Jocks”

GEORGETOWN
Modern Foreign Government – “Mo-Fo Go”
Problem of God, an introductory theology course – “God’s Problems”

COLORADO SCHOOL OF MINES
any Physics class, especially required 1st and 2nd year classes – “Phy-sucks”
Differential Equations course – “Diffy-screw”

MIT
introductory circuits course – “6.002 Six double-Oh Screw”
advanced version of freshman physics (first term) –
“8.012 Mechanics for Masochists”
advanced version of freshman physics (second term) –
“8.022 Electricity and Masochism”
Unified Engineering, I through IV – “16.001, 16.002, 16.003, 16.004 Unifried”
xxxxx Death Lab: Variously applied to a number of 20 unit lab
courses in Biology and Chemistry. In the MIT system, a 12 unit course
is roughly equal to a three credit course somewhere else. 20 units is
a lot.

“Make mine a root beer, Mike. Thanks. To communication! ”
——————————————————————————-
Jennifer Doyle // Princeton ’92 // jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu
Disclaimer: I am a student, I represent the future.

Date: Tue, 19 Dec 89 13:48:30 EST
From: jmdoyle@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jennifer Doyle)
Subject: College Slang Posting III: dictionary (3 of 3)

This is the third of 3 articles. For details, see the cover article “College
Slang Dictionary”.

Jen
*******************************************************************************
I feel this particular article needs a preface. I took just about every piece
of slang I was sent, unless you *really* had to know the college to appreciate
it. It’s in alphabetical order by word, and not split into any sort of
categories. There is an explative here and there, and various sex related
definitions. The style is my own, basically designed to make my life easier.
There are almost no listings of part of speech. I tried to keep the definitions
as much the contributor’s words as possible, but some editing had to be done.
Enjoy!

Jen jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu
——————————————————————————-
word [College] definition
——————————————————————————-

24/7 [CMU] all day, all week
ACEd [Berkeley] to have your schedule come out completely scrambled (named
after the computerized and bug-prone Advance Class Enrollment system)
FAC [U. of Neb.-Lincoln] from “Friday Afternoon Club” going out to the bars
on Friday afternoon
Ma Tech [Ga. Tech] the loving Georgia Tech mommy
Mac [CMU] to create any laser output using a Macintosh computer
Neives’ effect [RIT] the effects of a head shot from any weapon in the role
playing game Twilight 2000 that misses the helmet
P.C. [Swarthmore] Stands for politically correct
SWAG [Purdue] answer to homework or exam question usually written down minutes
before it is due (orig. Scientific Wild Ass Guess)
Squid [USC] someone who always studies, especially on Friday nights
Swarthmore Swivel [Swarthmore] having only one dining hall, if you wish to talk
about someone at a meal, you should first look left, look
right, and look behind you to make sure that person isn’t in
earshot
Underwater Basketweaving [CMU] a mythical course that often comes up jokingly
in conversation
Undue Perversity [Purdue] Purdue University
V.P. Run/7-11 Run [Purdue] make a trip to the V.P. or 7-11, convenience stores
(V.P.= Village Pantry)
VAX, to [Swarthmore] logging onto the mainframe computer system, generally with
the intention of wasting time and specifically not doing
work
Wa run [Princeton] make a trip to the WaWa, a convenience store
X kegger [Purdue] Party at which X kegs of beer were consumed
aced [N.D. State] did very well on a test
apes [CMU] fraternity brothers
artsy-fartsy [RIT] graphic arts major
bag [Muhlenburg] to sleep with
bag [Princeton] to cut, to blow off
baggers [CMU] prospective freshman (visiting on`sleeping bag’
weekend
baggy [CMU] when campus dining facilites are filled with baggers
bail [UCSB] leave somewhere or skip a class
be a Wendy [Wellesley] to be like the stereotypically W.A.S.P.y Wellesley
woman
bifftad [CA] New England preppie school type
black [CSM] incomprehensible course material
blitzed [Purdue] Became very intoxicated
blow off [Princeton] to cut, to not go
blow off [Purdue] (1) to ignore an otherwise important thing (2) something very
easy
blow off [U. of Pgh] slack off, quit, break off relationship
blow shit [Purdue] to tease somone
blow-off [CMU] very easy, simple, requiring little work
bogus [UCSB] not as bad as hanus
bombed [N.D. State] did very badly on the test
bone [USC] to sleep with
book (also bookin’) [CMU] used sarcastically to say you are definitely going to do something
brutal [UCSB] difficult as in a test or assignment
cheese [CMU] software
cheesebox [CMU] computer
clicky-windy [RIT] photography major
clueful [CMU] to have clue: be aware of what’s going on
clueless [UCSB] not know anything about something
corporate facist [MIT] person in interview mode, especially when dressed for an
interview
cows [CMU] sorority sisters
crash [Berkeley] enroll in an over-enrolled class
crash [U. of Kansas] to sleep
crash and burn [N.D. State] fail in a pickup attempt
cutty-pasty [RIT] fine arts major
digithead [RIT] Comp. Sci. major
dis [CMU] insult
double [MIT] two all-nighters in a row
dramats [CMU] drama majors, in general. Also known as the “ones wearing black”
erg [Columbia] a training exercise done by members of the crew team (male and
female)
flailed [UCSB] blew it in a big way
freshling [Swarthmore] first year students
fruits [CMU] students in the College of Fine Arts
geek [U. of Chicago] what everyone calls each other whose usage frequency is
inversely proportional to the number of days left in a given quarter
geek box [Purdue] box (usually a tackle box) carried by EEs and EETs. Contains
millions of electronic components needed in lab
geeking out [Swarthmore] expression of sympathy
get a clue [CMU] telling someone to start paying attention to the world
get shafted [Ga. Tech] to be required to write an extremely difficult exam
go grungy [Kansas State] go out without showering
got reamed [Purdue] Did very poorly on an exam
gone [Purdue] Became very intoxicated
grunt [RIT] Army ROTC cadet
hack [MIT] 1. (n) a prank 2. (v) to “explore” (i.e. going places where students
aren’t supposed to be)
hanus [UCSB] really, really bad [Alt. spelling: heinous]
helmet [Penn State] women
hit the slot machine [N.D. State] obtained money from the ATM
hose [CMU] description of a test/exam that is going to be/was impossible
hosed [Princeton] failed to achieve something; was rejected
make a run for the border [N.D. State] head to Minn. where the drinking age was
19 (now obsolete)
mash [U. of Ill. at U-C] to kiss, neck, make out, etc.
mash [U. of Neb. at Linc.] some sort of sexual activity
mint [CMU] really cool
mutant [MIT] math major, especially theoretical math. Sometimes applied to
theoretical physicists as well
narfs [CMU] stupid freshmen, or republicans
nerd [MIT] same as tooling, but especially when one is turning down an
opportunity to punt
nerd box [Purdue] box (usually a tackle box) carried by EEs and EETs. Contains
millions of electronic components needed in lab
nerd kit [MIT] a breadboard with power supply and a small set of ICs for the
digital lab courses
no can do [CCNY] I’m sorry, I can’t help you
no way [U. of Pgh] I don’t believe it
nuke [RIT] 1. to destroy or delete 2. to pull a prank on someone
peachy [CMU] fine (ex. How are you? Just peachy!)
plasma [MIT] caffeine, in any of its forms
pound [CMU] to drink beer, usually pretty fast and enthusiastically
power sludge [CMU] strong coffee
powertool [MIT] to cram or study intensly
psych! [CMU] just kidding
punt [MIT] to cut class, skip a problem set, or otherwise avoid doing academic
work
rack [U. of Oklahoma] to sleep
rage [UCSB] party to excess
random [MIT] non-MIT person who hangs out at MIT anyway
rent-a-cop [RIT] Campus Safety
rip, to [USC] to do well in
rocked [Purdue] Did very well on an exam
roll [Okl. State] to cut class
scoping [Princeton] looking for possible members of the other sex to date, etc.
scrod [MIT] to have been screwed over
scrump [RIT] to have sex with someone
sexile [Swarthmore] state of banishment from one’s room while one’s roommate is
with his significant other
shack [U. of Ill. at U-C] to stay at the apartment/dorm/frat/sorority of
your significant or not so significant other overnight
shooting the shabookie [CMU] 1. ‘taking it all’ in the card game ‘hearts’
2. anything particularly destructive
six-screw [MIT] a “pet” name for the EECS department (course 6)
slip ‘er the Woodrow, to [USC] to sleep with
slort [CMU] to go to class with the express purpose of sleeping through it
squid [RIT] Navy ROTC cadet
stoked [UCSB] happy, elated, etc
stopped by the Union [N.D. State] had sex, because condom machines are located
in the bathrooms of the Union
that’s sweet [CMU] that’s really, really nice, awesome, terrific
thes [MIT] to work on one’s thesis
throat [U. of Rochester] someone who lives in the library, a study-geek
toast [MIT] what you are if you do badly on a test
toasted [Purdue] Became very intoxicated
tomatoes [CMU] engineering/science students who dress/behave like CFA students
or vice versa. Both a fruit and a vegetable
too much glue during those pre-adolescent years [N.D. State] used in reference
to a strange or stupid act by
someone
tool [MIT] to study
tool [Princeton] someone with political or business ambitions, usually a
Woodrow Wilson school major
tool [Purdue] someone who is used and abused
tool [SUNY – S.B.] someone you pick up, use, and put back when you’re done
torque [Purdue] to hit on someone
trashed [CMU] overworked, tired, drunk. More often the former.
triple [MIT] three all-nighters in a row
vegetables [CMU] science/engineering students
walk [UT at Austin] when a professor decides not to have class, sometimes used
to describe cutting
wank [Columbia] 1.(n) a person who is logged on for a huge amount of time
2. (v) to log on, to stay logged on, and to hack your brains out while
drinking lots of JOLT or Mountain Dew 3. (adj) having the properties of a
wank
wasted [CMU] overworked, tired, drunk. More often the former.
watermelon effect [RIT] see Neives’ effect
word [Ga. Tech] any hint on what might be asked in exam by a professor
zone [UCSB] lose contact with the world (e.g. daydream in class)
zoomie [RIT] Air Force ROTC cadet


“Make mine a root beer, Mike. Thanks. To communication! ”
——————————————————————————-
Jennifer Doyle // Princeton ’92 // jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu
Disclaimer: I am a student, I represent the future.

The Space Coke Can Testing At NASA

NOTE: The following is from the UPI newswire services. More information
can be found in option “T”.

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (UPI) _ A “space Coke can” for carbonated beverages will
be tested during the next space shuttle flight set to start July 12, the space
agency announced Thursday.

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration said the Coca-Cola Co.
developed at its own expense and initiative a way to dispense carbonated drinks
in weightlessness.

Up to now, NASA said it was not possible for astronauts to consume carbonated
beverages in weightlessness “because there was no adequate way to dispense
carbonated beverages.”

“The new technology will provide an alternative source of liquid consumption
for astronauts,” NASA said.

The upcoming test is part of an agreement between NASA and Coca-Cola under
which the company will grant NASA a license to use the space can design for
unrestricted use in dispensing beverages in space.

NASA said other companies are welcome to propose different technology to
achieve the same purpose.
_________

44 upi 06-20-85 02:32 ped

Hangar accident blamed on human error
By WILLIAM HARWOOD
UPI Science Writer

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (UPI) _ A hangar accident that damaged the shuttle
Discovery last March was caused in part by disregard of a “Do Not Operate” tag
on a broken hoist, a NASA report said Thursday.

Although the Lockheed Space Operations Co. was responsible for operation and
maintenance of the work platform hoist that failed, the investigation board
said “this company inherited the system and a certain tradition of its misuse
by NASA and its predecessor contractors.”

The accident occurred March 8 when a cable in the hoist for a 2,500-pound
mobile service platform broke and dropped the platform on Discovery’s left-side
payload bay door, puncturing it in two places and injuring a technician.

Gary Sutherland suffered a broken leg in the incident and Discovery’s flight
was delayed 18 days, until April 12, so the payload bay door damage could be
repaired at a cost of $200,000.

“The mishap can be characterized as the logical culmination of a series of
events and conditions which pushed the mechanical components to and beyond
their limits,” the accident report said.

The report said factors contributing to the accident included improper
operation of the service platform, poor operating instructions, violations of
safety rules and inadequate maintenance.

A Lockheed techincian reported that a switch failed on the hoist March 4 and
one of two redundant cable links was severed, the report said. The entire
system then was flagged with the “Do Not Operate” tag.

Despite the tag, the hoist was used at least twice between March 4 and March
8, causing great strain to the master link in the remaining cable assembly, the
report said.

When the platform was moved March 8, the jolt was enough to fracture the
remaining cable link and the platform fell.

The report said the Lockheed technicians who admitted using the platform March
6 “stated that they saw some tags, believed them to be old tags and proceeded
to operate the platform.”

_________

The only _ satellite launched)
By WILLIAM HARWOOD
UPI Science Writer

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (UPI) _ Discovery’s crew launched a boxy satellite today
to look for evidence of a black hole at the core of the Milky Way and ground
crews promised no more foul-ups for a rescheduled “Star Wars” test.

Astronaut Shannon Lucid, using the shuttle’s 50-foot-long robot arm, released
the 2,190-pound Spartan satellite at 12:02 p.m.

If all goes well, the automated observatory will be retrieved Saturday after
spending 45 hours on its own recording X-rays from the heart of the Milky Way
and from a cluster of galaxies in the Perseus constellation.

Scientists hope to use the data to learn more about the evolution of the
universe and whether black holes, objects with such intense gravity even light
cannot escape, are common in the cosmos.

Commander Daniel Brandenstein, co-pilot John Creighton and crewmates Shannon
Lucid, Steven Nagel, John Fabian, Frenchman Patrick Baudry and Saudi Prince
Sultan Salman Al-Saud have sailed through the first three days of the 18th
shuttle mission.

The only glitch in what is shaping up as the smoothest flight in the shuttle
program came Wednesday when the first space test of a “Star Wars” missile
defense experiment was bungled.

Flight director Milt Heflin said Brandenstein was given incorrect information
to orient the shuttle to reflect a laser beam fired from Hawaii back to the
ground station for analysis.

The test was rescheduled today for Friday and a morning teleprinter message
from ground controllers promised to “get the altitude right for your next
attempt.”

Otherwise, the flight has proceeded so smoothly mission controllers beamed up
a recording of “The Sounds of Silence” early today because the crew has had so
little to say.

“We were trying to pick a theme song for this flight and we thought that was
appropriate,” said Robert Springer in mission control.

“Yeah, we thought that might be a subtle hint,” Nagel replied.

Three communications satellites owned by Mexico, the Arab League and American
Telephone & Telegraph Co. have been successfully launched since blastoff
Monday to earn NASA about $30 million.

Spartan is a reusable, $3.5 million satellite designed to provide a relatively
inexpensive way to conduct useful astronomy from orbit.

Powerful bursts of X-rays from the core of the Milky Way, shrouded behind
thick veils of interstellar dust and debris, seem to indicate the presence of a
black hole possibly 4 million times more massive than the sun.

By definition, black holes cannot be detected visually. But theory holds that
as matter is sucked in it is accelerated and heated, which produces X-rays.
Spartan automatically will record the radiation for analysis on the ground.

The shuttle “Star Wars” test is a significant step in a program that could
lead to a weapons system in which ground lasers would bounce blasts of energy
off giant orbiting mirrors to destroy enemy missiles in flight.

Bouncing a low-power laser beam from Hawaii off a mirror mounted in a shuttle
window Wednesday, scientists had hoped To demonstrate the capability of
correcting the beam for atmospheric distortion.

But Brandenstein’s flight plan contained the wrong information for the
shuttle’s guidance system to correctly point the shuttle _ and the mirror _ at
the ground station 9,994 feet up Mount Haleakala on the island of Maui, Hawaii.

Heflin said the flight plan called for the guidance information to be entered
into the shuttle computers in feet when it should have been entered in nautical
miles.

So instead of aiming the mirror at a target 1,644 nautical miles high, the
shuttle aimed at a target 9,994 miles high. The result: the mirror was
pointed toward deep space instead of Hawaii.

“It’ll work the next time, assuming the weather is going to be good,” said Air
Force Lt. Gen. James Abrahamson, director of President Reagan’s Strategic
Defense Initiative _ commonly referred to as “Star Wars.”

____________

36 upi 06-20-85 05:21 aed

Astronaut joins private space firm
By BETTY LUMAN

HOUSTON (UPI) _ Joseph Allen says he never expected to retire as an astronaut
at age 65, so he will leave NASA after 18 years to become vice president of a
private space firm a few days after his 48th birthday.

Allen, who rescued a 1,265-pound stranded satellite in November by flying over
to it with a jet backpack, said Wednesday he is resigning from NASA effective
July 1.

The physicist was selected an astronaut-scientist in August 1967. He will
become executive vice president of Space Industries Inc., a Houston firm
pursuing ventures in the commerical use of space.

“My memory is more filled now with wonderful events … than I ever could
have imagined when Alan Shepard called me those 18 years ago,” he said.

Allen, 48, said he is leaving NASA with “considerable nostalgia and sadness,
but some excitement. I never pictured myself retiring at 65 from the astronaut
office.

“It’s good news and good news. I found another job and it’s still in the
space business.”

Allen flew on two space missions _ the first fully operational flight of the
shuttle in November 1982 and the spectacular salvage mission of two $35 million
satellites two years later.

On the 14th shuttle mission, Allen and Dale Gardner took turns on two
different days to fly over to the Palapa and Westar satellites, grab them with
a grappling hook and manhandle them into the shuttle Discovery’s cargo bay with
the help of the robot arm operated by astronaut Anna Fisher.

It was the first time stranded satellites were plucked from orbit and returned
to Earth for repair.

Space Industries last year signed a memorandum of understanding with NASA to
design and build the world’s first man-tended space platform. It is
negotiating agreements for launch of the platform in 1989.

The president of SII is Dr. Maxime Faget, former director of engineering and
development at the Johnson Space Center.

Doug Lilly, another SII vice president, said plans call for the shuttle to
dock with the platform so astronauts can work in a “shirt sleeve environment”
on various experiments that then can be left alone for 30 to 90 days.

_________

By WILLIAM HARWOOD
UPI Science Writer

The rest of the 1985 launch schedule:

_June 12: Discovery returns to service with a three-satellite payload;
_July 15: Challenger is launched on a Spacelab mission;
_Aug. 10: Discovery carries three communications satellites into orbit;
_Sept.26: The new shuttle Atlantis, the fourth and final shuttle in NASA’s
fleet, blasts off on a secret military mission;
_Oct. 16: The original shuttle Columbia, which has been under going
modifications, returns to service for a Spacelab mission and its
first flight since November 1983;
_Nov. 8: Challenger is launched with three satellites;
_Dec. 20: Columbia takes off on a satellite-launching mission.
____________________________________________________________________________

How To Seed A 1200 Square Foot Lawn

ีอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออธ
ณ This information is from the HomeLine BBS (301) 745-2037. ณ
ณ 24 hrs 300/1200/2400 ณ
ณ While every precaution is taken in the preparation of this information, ณ
ณ the HomeLine assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is ณ
ณ any liability assumed for damages resulting from its use. ณ
ณ Share it…but don’t use it commercially. ณ
ิอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออพ

Project # 67 SEED A 1200 SQ. FT. LAWN

Seeding a lawn is the epitome of ‘grunt work’. Lawn seed and fertilizer
are not cheap but they seem inexpensive when compared with the cost of the
labor it takes to grade the topsoil and then spread the seed and fertilizer
with a push spreader. You can save more than half of what a landscaper
charges if you do-it-yourself.

To seed a 1200 sq. ft. area a landscape contractor will charge upwards of
$570. You can purchase the seed and fertilizer and rent a spreader for $275.
If you need to remove the existing lawn or the yard needs extensive grading,
it will cost you considerably more time and money. A normal job should take
you two days.

Follow up watering is an important part of this job. Your investment in
seed and time will dry up and blow away if you neglect your emerging grass.

Searching Your Family Tree: A Primer

**************************
SEARCHING YOUR FAMILY TREE
**************************

By Richard A. Pence

[The following beginner’s guide to genealogy was first syndicated to
newspapers in 1977 and again in 1982 by the Register and Tribune Syndicate.
While it has been updated to reflect such things as new addresses, it
obviously doesn’t deal with how you might effectively use them in genealogy
work, since it was written before the days of home computers. Those
experienced with computers will readily see applications in research,
recordkeeping and printing out material. Richard A. Pence is co-author, with
Paul Andereck, of Computer Genealogy, published by Ancestry, Inc., Salt Lake
City, and has published several books on the Pence family. He is editor of the
NGS/CIG Digest, published bimonthly by the Computer Interest Group of the
National Genealogical Society. He is also co-sysop of the NGS/CIG BBS, a part
of the National Genealogy Conference, and moderates a conference on genealogy
for the Capital PC Users Group in Washington. Copyright 1982 by the Register
and Tribune Syndicate, Inc., Des Moines, Iowa. Updated December, 1986; used
with permission.]

HOW TO GET STARTED

One of the difficult aspects of genealogy – at least for me – is trying to
explain to friends why a grown man should spend countless hours in a musty
library or chasing around the country copying inscriptions from tombstones in
overgrown cemeteries.

That sort of avocation, they think, is reserved for matronly ladies who want
to join patriotic societies.

There are many who search their family trees for that reason alone. But
genealogy is much more. It is a human history of our nation’s growth and a
puzzle infinitely more challenging than the crossword in the Sunday New York
Times.

If you enjoy solving a mystery or are fascinated by the early history of our
country, then genealogy may be the hobby for you.

But where do you start? The best place is right at home.

The first thing you should do is write down all you know about your family,
starting with yourself and your parents and working backward to your
grandparents, great grandparents and so on. Chances are someone already has
started this process; if so, your job will be easier.

You should include dates and places of births, marriages, deaths, places of
residence and other information, such as occupation, military service or
church affiliation.

When you get stuck, figure out who in your family might know the answer. In
fact, you should try to interview your older relatives as a first order of
business. With some luck, you may find out much of what you want to know about
a particular branch of your family.

Early in my research I visited a great aunt who supposedly had kept some
family records. I didn’t really expect the treasure I found. Among the things
she had: my third great grandmother’s family Bible – complete with vital
statistics for three generations – which had made its way from Massachusetts
to a homestead in South Dakota nearly 100 years before; a family photo album
with pictures that predated the Civil War and which contained photos of four
of my third great grandparents; and old newspaper clippings, letters and notes
which provided additional information and clues.

INTERVIEW POINTERS

There are things to keep in mind when interviewing or writing your relatives.

First, make your questions specific. You’ll have a better chance of getting a
helpful answer. If you ask generally about early family recollections, your
correspondent may not reply or may say that little can be remembered. Ask
about specific people, specific times or places.

I once wrote a great uncle, asking him for any information he might have on
his ancestors. He answered, saying he didn’t remember anything. I then wrote
and asked him if he knew were his father had lived in 1870. His return letter
not only solved that mystery, but included colorful stories about great
grandfather’s days as a cowboy in Texas and Kansas, stories told at bedtime
when my great uncle was a boy.

Second, inquire about photographs, diaries, letters and other family papers
that may give clues for names and places your family lived. Look for items
such as funeral cards, birth announcements or marriage, birth or death
certificates.

Third, keep track of what you are told in a carefully dated and documented
fashion. Write down who told you and when they told you for each piece of
information. If a relative sends you an undated letter, add the date you
received it. If you use a tape recorder, begin the tape with the date and
location and the name of the person you are interviewing, as well as your own
name.

FAMILY TRADITIONS

You should treat family traditions with a certain amount of healthy
skepticism. These stories – often embellished from generation to generation –
are great clues for further research, but they shouldn’t be accepted until
they can be documented.

There are some traditions that seem to pop up in nearly every family. If you
encounter one of these, don’t disregard it – but be careful how you use it.
Here are some:

* The “Three Brothers.” Invariably you will come across the belief that the
founders of a particular family in this country were “three brothers, who came
here at an early date.” A common variation is that “one remained in New
England, one went south and one went west.”

This tradition reflects the desire of an individual to believe that everyone
with the same last name is somehow related. The “three brothers” theory neatly
explains why there are families with that name throughout the country whose
relationships can’t be established. Most genealogists disregard this theory
unless there is evidence otherwise.

* “We’re Related to Nobility.” This tradition also is common but often not
true. Variations include a lost dukedom, riches or a castle in some foreign
land.

Unscrupulous promotors have played upon the desire for wealth or status by
convincing people to contribute toward a fund seeking to restore a lost
fortune or property to its “rightful heirs” – usually everybody with the same
last name as some rich or famous person.

The strange thing about these con games is that the more you try to tell “Aunt
Bessie” she’s being taaken, the more she is convinced that there’s a giant
conspiracy aimed at depriving her and her relatives of their just inheritance.

If it does turn out that you have an English lord as an ancestor or that you
and George Washington are descended from the same stock, then you have an
interesting addition to the story of your family. (When you consider that in
just 12 generations – less than 300 years – an individual has 8,190 ancestors,
it wouldn’t be terribly unusual to find such a connection.) But don’t forget
that for every nobleman in most family trees, there are several dozen
ancestors who came to this country as indentured servants.

* Association With Famous People. You often will hear of some ancestor’s
association with famous people or events. Stories like these may have some
foundation, but they often are impossible to document. However, if the facts
seem to fit you’ll want to continue researching the tradition.

As a small boy, I read a relative’s account of how our ancestor – my third
great grandfather – supposedly spent a winter in an Indian “wickiup” (teepee
or lodge) and was later confronted by its owner, Blackhawk, the famous Sac
chief. The story was worth more checking for two reasons: Our ancestor was
known to be in that area of northwestern Illinois at the time, and history
records that an incident such as this (according to Blackhawk’s autobiography)
was one of the things that led up to the Blackhawk Indian War in the early
1830s.

Finally, several years ago, I discovered an eyewitness account of the event.
Not only was our ancestor named as the intruder, but specific dates and places
were given, thus documenting when the family moved into Illinois. In this
case, a family tradition led to the eventual proof of an ancestor’s
participation in an interesting historical event and added illuminating
details about his life.

But other traditions have never proved out. I’m still trying to document an
item in an Indiana history that claims Abraham Lincoln visited once or twice
at the home of a second great grandfather (Is it true? If so, what was the
reason?), one that says New England relatives were frequent visitors of J.
Pierpont Morgan, the financier (they were related to him through a Pierpont
line, but at best distant cousins!), and still another that places an ancestor
among those who participated in the Boston Tea Party (turns out he was a
prominent leader during the Revolution, but no facts relate him to this
event).

There are some other common problems with family traditions you should watch
for. Some examples:

An incident often will be credited to one side of the family when in fact it
happened to another side. Your grandmother may tell you a story she heard as a
child about something that happened to her paternal grandfather and later you
discover that it was her maternal grandfather who was involved.

Sometimes the story will be credited to a person in the wrong generation. An
example appears in my grandfather’s obituary, which says he was descended from
a “Revolutionary War veteran who became known as Judge John Pence.” Since
Judge John wasn’t born until 1774, I knew this was impossible. I assumed what
happened was that the family stretched a statement in an early family history
from “the family goes back to Revolutionary days” into veteran’s status for
the first known ancestor. Years later I discovered documentation that John’s
father was the one who had served in the Revolution.

Mistakes about national origin can confuse a family’s history. Your great
grandmother may have denied a particular nationality because it was not “the
thing to be” in her day. Consequently, your grandmother might pass on to you
what she believes to be the truth; in reality, though, great grandmother
“withheld evidence.”

Don’t be surprised if, while you’re interviewing Aunt Bessie, she suddenly has
amnesia after having displayed a remarkable memory about the family tree,
complete with names, dates and places. Suddenly – when you ask her about a
particular ancestor – she can’t remember a thing. That’s a sure sign you’ve
found a family “black sheep” – we all have them!

KEEPING YOUR RECORDS

As you collect more and more information about your ancestors, you’ll find that
you will have an increasingly difficult time keeping track of who is who.
That’s when you’ll want to set up some sort of record-keeping system.

A looseleaf notebook and alphabetical files are enough at first. The notebook
is compact enough to be carried when doing research, yet it can contain enough
information so you can double-check information on the spot. The alphabetical
file provides a safe and orderly means of keeping copies of accumulated records
or notes and correspondence about a particular family.

THE NOTEBOOK

These are the records I include in my “traveling notebook”:

Family Ancestor Charts or Pedigree Charts. These charts, which can be
purchased through most genealogical societies or from businesses or bookstores
which specialize in genealogy, are for your direct ancestors only. They begin
at the left of the page with an individual (you or your child or parent), then
branch out to the right to show parents, grandparents, etc., including dates
and places of births, deaths and marriages. If you are the “subject” of the
chart (which is designated as Chart No. 1), you are assigned the number 1.
Your father is No. 2, your mother is No. 3, your paternal grandfather is No.
4, and so on. Pedigree charts usually have complete information on three
generations of ancestors for an individual, with the names of the members of
the fourth generation plus a reference to succeeding charts, where vital
information on them is recorded.

This commonly used numbering system for pedigree charts is called an
“ahnentafel” by genealogists, after the title of a book where it was first
used. By looking at a chart you can see that the number for any individual’s
father is 2 times that of the individual and that person’s mother’s number is
2 times plus 1. With the exception of No. 1, who can be either male or female,
all even-numbered persons are males and all odd-numbered are females. The
spouse of No. 1 is not assigned a number.

If you don’t have charts, you can simply do an “ahnentafel listing” on a sheet
of paper, with the persons listed in numerical order.

Carrying this numbering system over to other records allows quick
identification of any person in your records and allows you to file
numerically if you choose.

Charts subsequent to No. 1 are numbered sequentially, with Chart No. 2 having
the ancestors of No. 16 (your great great grandfather), Chart No. 3 the
ancestors of No. 17 and so on. All these charts are kept in the front of your
notebook and provide a record of the statistics you have on your more distant
ancestors. As you acquire information, you may need to include an index of
each family name in your notebook. This index probably won’t be necessary
until you have traced several families back a half dozen or more generations.

Family Group Sheets. The other major section in your notebook is a collection
of family group sheets containing information about each couple whose names
are on your pedigree charts. These sheets can be arranged alphabetically by
last name or numerically according to your pedigree charts.

Included on these sheets is the following information: name of husband, date
and place of his birth, marriage, death and burial, and names of his parents.
Similar information is given for the wife and for each of the couple’s
children with room for their spouses’ names. Space is left for other
information such as places of residence, occupation, church affiliation and
military service.

Also included is such information as additional marriages for either husband
or wife and the citation or source of each piece of information. Children born
from other marriages of your ancestors are listed on separate family group
sheets. Adopted children may be listed if the adoption is noted.

As with pedigree charts, family group sheets can be done on a plain sheet of
paper. Among places where these forms can be ordered are: The National
Genealogical Society, 4527 Seventeenth Street North, Arlington, VA 22207; New
England Historical and Genealogical Society, 101 Newbury Street, Boston MA
02116; the Everton Publishers, P.O. Box 368, Logan, UT 84321; or they may be
bought at any of the many branch libraries of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints and in bookstores which deal in genealogy or history.

The information on your family group sheets will provide you with backup facts
for those contained on your charts and also will come in handy on your
research excursions.

While you may not be directly interested in facts about the brothers and
sisters (siblings) of your ancestors, this information often can provide a
vital clue about your own direct line.

For instance, you might learn that a particular great grandfather’s name was
John Doe, but you don’t know his father’s name. From other sources, you learn
that John had a brother named James and a sister Elizabeth. Put this
information, with actual or approximate dates of birth, on the children’s
portion of a family group sheet.

If the children you know about seem to have several years between their dates
of birth, you should leave blanks for other probable children. Also leave the
spaces for the parents blank. Later in your research, you may discover that a
Samuel Doe had children named John, James and Elizabeth, as well as others.
Check this information against what you have learned about your great
grandfather and his siblings. If there’s enough to convince you that Samuel
may indeed be John’s father, then you can begin in earnest to find out more
about him.

There’s another important reason for learning about the brothers and sisters
of your ancestors: They can provide clues to earlier generations of a family.

Building on the above information, suppose your great grandfather and one or
more of his brothers named their first sons Samuel. This would be added
evidence that Samuel was John’s father, for it was the custom in the last
century to name the first son after the paternal grandfather.

Likewise, the second son was commonly named after the maternal grandfather,
and suceeding sons were often named after uncles or great uncles. The girls,
too, were often named after their grandmothers or great grandmothers.

And given names that appear to be surnames also can provide clues to a
mother’s or grandmother’s maiden name. Naming a son John Smith Doe might
indicate that his maternal grandfather’s name was John Smith.

Your family group sheets can also help in establishing ages of the parents and
children. Suppose you are piecing together information on a family and you
only have ages or birthdates for a few of the children. Group the children as
best you can from the oldest down to the youngest.

If you know the spread of time from the oldest to the youngest, you may be
able to approximate the mother’s age by keeping in mind normal childbearing
ages. Statistics tell us that the average age for men to marry is about 25;
for women, about 21. The average time between children is about two years,
sometimes less.

If there is a gap of several years between children, it likely could indicate
that one or more children died at birth or in infancy. Another possibility is
that the older group of children had a different mother who died and the
younger group are the offspring of a second marriage.

Large numbers of children with a spread of 25 years between the youngest and
oldest definitely should lead you to examine whether there was another wife.
If you know there was an earlier wife, but are unsure as to when she died,
think of the possibility she may have died in childbirth, a frequent cause of
death in early days.

THE FILE

Despite all of the information you’ll have in your “traveling notebook,” you
still will need a place to keep other documents and backup material.

A secondhand standard letter-size file cabinet should do the job. Initially, I
had a file folder for each family name filed alphabetically. As the amount of
information grew, however, these folders had to be subdivided.

I now have dozens of folders for the Pence family, including several for some
individuals, plus many for unrelated Pence families. (In the course of your
research, you’ll accumulate a lot of material on unrelated lines. You’ll want
to file this material because it can help you prove or disprove theories about
your own lines. In my case, piecing together all of the various Pence families
in the U.S. eventually became an overriding genealogical interest.

Above all, remember as you go about your genealogical research that everything
must be verified or documented before it can be considered genealogical
evidence. Place each bit of information, its source, the place you found it,
the date and other pertinent facts on a sheet and put it into its proper file
folder as soon as you can.

SECONDARY SOURCES OF INFORMATION

Genealogists need to learn what written records are available and where to
find them in order to do an accurate job on their family trees. Generally,
records are referred to as either “primary” (contemporary or original) or
“secondary” (compiled or published).

Primary records are those which report an event at or close to the time it
happened. They are original records of events and include state or federal
census records; courthouse records, such as deeds, wills, probates, birth or
death records, naturalization records, or court proceedings (both civil and
criminal); church records, primarily baptism and marriage; ships’ passenger
lists; and military records.

Secondary, or published records, include histories, indexes or compilations of
census or marriage records, printed family histories or genealogies, and
collections of tombstone inscriptions.

Primary records are the most reliable source of information, but secondary
sources can provide you with many shortcuts in your genealogical research. A
printed family genealogy, for example, might have information on several
generations of a given line you’re searching.

Most competent genealogists consider published family histories only as clues
for further searching. They use the dates and places as evidence of where to
search for more supporting information. A well-done family history or
genealogy will include citations to primary records and will greatly simplify
your future research.

LIBRARIES

As interest in genealogy and local history has grown, more and more libraries
have improved their collections in these areas. Many county-seat libraries
have fine collections. Almost every state library has a special collection of
genealogical materials, often maintained with the aid of a state historical or
genealogical society. Unfortunately, smaller libraries often cannot afford
such collections, although some books may be available through interlibrary
loan.

In your search for secondary reference materials, you’ll want to start at your
local – or nearest larger – library, especially if your family has lived in
your county or state for many years. Ask your librarian for local histories
and genealogies; one of these might, for instance, tell you where your family
lived before it came to the county where you now live. Also check the
libraries in nearby counties.

Often the books you need to check will not be available locally. If you have a
fairly good idea of the information you want and which book it is in you may
be able to write your state library (or another library) and ask for specific
information.

Many state libraries have genealogical finding aids which can help you. Some
have indexes of names in early histories or other printed or microfilm
records, such as marriage record indexes. Write your state library and ask for
information. Most have a pamphlet describing what is available.

Many will copy printed or microfilm records for you for a fee. They also may
be able to provide you with a list of people who will undertake genelogical
research for you for a fee.

The Library of Congress (Washington, DC 20540) has an excellent collection of
genealogies and local histories. If your travels include a trip to Washington,
this is a must visit. The library’s small staff can only do a limited amount
of searching in the catalogs and indexes for specific titles or references if
you query it by mail.

You can write the library for free leaflets describing its services. The three
most helpful are “Reference Services and Facilities of the Local History and
Genealogy Room,” “Guide to Genealogical Research: A Selected List,” and
“Surnames: A Selected List of Books.”

The Library of the National Society, Daughters of the American Revolution
(1776 D Street, N.W., Washington, DC 20006), has an extensive genealogical
collection, including printed genealogies as well as manuscripts submitted by
individuals or local chapters. It also has Bible, church and cemetery records,
abstracts of court records, lineage books, and other materials. The Library is
open to nonmembers for a small fee except during April.

The National Genealogical Society has its own library and maintains a library
loan service and research service for members. The library collection includes
published and unpublished works pertaining to genealogy, local history and
heraldry. It is open to nonmembers for a small fee.

The most famous genealogical library is that of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints (35 North West Temple, Salt Lake City, UT 84150). It has a
massive genealogical collection, much of it on microfilm or microfiche and
available through branch libraries around the country.

Its collection includes a computer-produced genealogical library catalog on
microfiche; the latest edition of the International Genealogical Index, which
lists the names and selected vital data of approximately 88 million deceased
persons from over 90 countries; the Accelerated Indexing System’s microfiche
index for 1790-1850; an extensive list of library aids and reference books;
and the Family Registry of some 100,000-plus names coordinating the searchers
with the names being searched.

The library is open to the public and specialists in most areas are available
for consultation.

You’ll save a lot of backtracking if you make certain you don’t leave a
library, court house or other research site without a complete citation
regarding information you’ve found. Also write down the citations and general
content for books you didn’t find anything in and keep a list of those so you
won’t go over the same ground again. This list can also be of help in case you
need to go back to check these sources for newly discovered ancestors.

GENEALOGIES AND LOCAL HISTORIES

As previously mentioned, two of the more common types of secondary information
are local histories. Both can be excellent sources of information or clues for
further research. You should keep in mind, however, that these sources may not
always be accurate.

Local histories were very popular in the latter part of the 1800s, especially
in the Midwest. Most of them were money-making efforts of large publishers who
sent teams of people out into a county. These people collected some local
history and local biographies and added them to a pre-packaged state history.

They also sold books, for that is the way the publishers made money. And the
way to make sure they would sell more copies was to include flowery write-ups
about county residents – either for a fee or upon the subject’s promise to buy
one or more of the usually high-priced books. The more prominent one was made
to appear, the more books he was likely to buy, so the publisher’s word
craftsmen spared no adjectives.

The biographies were full of “loyal patriots,” “respected farmers” and
“prominent merchants,” as well as “loving wives and mothers.”

Even with these drawbacks, there often is much genealogical information in
these presentations. Usually the names of previous generations are given,
along with the wife’s maiden name and the names of her parents. Often included
were the dates the family came to the county and where it had previously
lived.

One of the major drawbacks of family genealogies and histories, especially
those published in the Nineteenth Century, is the lack of adequate
documentation. As often as not, the author – in his zeal to trace the family
back to the Mayflower or other illustrious beginnings – made serious mistakes.
The most common one was assuming that an ancestor was the son of a particular
man with the same name without proper documentation.

On the other hand, these books provide excellent clues for further research.
You can usually make your own judgments as to the accuracy of a particular
genealogy by noting such things as completeness and citiations to specific
sources.

THE NATIONAL ARCHIVES

Of all the materials and sources available to the genealogist, by far the most
important are primary records or “original” records. These are the records
found in archives, courthouses, town halls, old churches – even in the attic.

The value of primary records is that they are contemporary with the event
which they record. Thus they are more likely to be accurate than a record made
some time later from memory.

The National Archives and Records Administration (Washington, DC, 20408) is
the repository for the U.S. government. It preserves and makes available
valuable federal records from all three branches of government. The records in
the custody of the National Archives are housed in the National Archives
building in Washington, DC, (bounded by Pennsylvania and Constitution Avenues
and 7th and 9th Streets, N.W.), in the Washington National Records Center in
Suitland, MD, and in eleven archives branches around the country.

CENSUS RECORDS

One of the most valuable records for the genealogist is the federal census.
The United States government has conducted a census of each state and
territory every ten years since 1790 and, in some places, other years. The
federal census records from 1790 through 1840 contain little genealogical
information. Only the head of household is given by name; all others in the
family are counted only in specific age groups by sex. These records, though,
can be helpful, for they tell you the number of children in the family and
their approximate ages (remember that not all in the household are necessarily
family members). They also can help you find where your family lived and
pinpoint your research.

The 1850 census was the first to include the name of each person in a
household, including age, sex, color, occupation, and birth place (state,
territory or foreign country), occupation and value of real estate and
personal property (usually just for the head of the household). In 1870 the
census gave the month of birth if born during the year, the month of marriage
if married within the year, and whether the father or mother of each
individual was foreign born. The 1880 census added two valuable pieces of
information: the relationship of each person to the head of the household and
the birthplace of the father and mother of each person. The 1890 census was
largely destroyed by fire in 1921 and only fragments of it are available for
research.

The 1900 and 1910 censuses are the most helpful available. The 1900 census
included the month and year of birth of each individual, as well as the number
of years married for each couple, the number of children the woman had borne,
and the number living in 1900. The census indicated whether a family rented or
owned its own residence, whether it was a home or a farm, and whether it was
mortgaged. For foreign born, the year of immigration was given and whether
naturalized or first papers filed. The 1910 census has similar information and
includes whether it was a first marriage or, if not, what number, language
spoken, employment status, and whether served in the Union or Confederate army
or navy.

Because of the confidential nature of census records, Congress determines when
each census may be released. Current law requires that census information
remain confidential for 72 years. The 1920 census, available in 1992, is the
last to have been indexed.

Published indexes are available for all U.S. censuses from 1790 through 1850.
Computerized indexes of the 1860 census for most states will be available in a
few years.

The 1790 census – those parts available – was published by the government in
the early 1900s and has since been privately reprinted. Published census
schedules for 1790 are for Connecticut, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New
Hampshire, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South
Carolina and Vermont.

The schedules for the remaining states – Delaware, Georgia, Kentucky, New
Jersey, Tennessee and Virginia – were burned during the War of 1812.
Substitute schedules, made from names in state censuses or tax lists, have
been published for many of the missing states. These printed 1790 schedules
are available in most larger libraries.

The 1880, 1900 and most of the 1910 censuses have “soundex” indexes on
microfilm. The soundex is a coded surname index based on the way a surname
sounds rather than how it is spelled. The 1880 soundex includes only those
households with a child 10 or younger.

In using a census index, be certain that you have looked for your surname in
all of its possible spelling variations. Remember also that indexes, including
those produced by a computer, are subject to human error. Every genealogist
has a horror story about printed census indexes; studies show that the error
rate is high because of improper keypunching or misreading of the original
records. So if you don’t find your ancestor in an index it doesn’t necessarily
mean that he cannot be found in the census. You may often have to search every
name in a given county before you find him.

The National Archives has original or microfilm copies of all the federal
census schedules that have been made available to the public. These can be
used in the microfilm reading room in the National Archives or at one of the
eleven branches. If you are searching in Washington, enter the Pennsylvania
Avenue side of the building. You will need to sign in and out and notebooks or
brief cases are subject to search. The reading room is located on the fourth
floor. While a researcher’s identification card is necessary for certain
research in the National Archives, you don’t need one to use the microfilm
reading room. In any case they are available in the lobby upon request.

To help with your census search, the Archives has a free booklet, “Getting
Started: Beginning Your Genealogical Research in the National Archives.”
Included is an explanation of the soundex system.

If you are unable to visit a library where census record microfilms are
available, the National Archives will, on request, send you a copy of each of
its catalogs of microfilm copies: “Federal Population Censuses 1790-1890,”
“1900 Federal Population Census,” and “The 1910 Federal Population Census.”
Prices and order blanks are included. Also, many county libraries have
microfilm copies of census records for their local areas.

Census records cannot always be relied on as accurate. Persons giving the
information may not have known the exact ages or places of birth of each
member of the household. And there’s always been vanity about ages – I’ve
noted cases where people aged only five years in the ten years between the
censuses! Census takers spelled what they heard and many of them spelled
badly. And apparently they weren’t hired because of their penmanship. Even so,
the family listing in a census gives you valuable information and provides
clues for further research.

MILITARY RECORDS

The National Archives has military service records beginning with the
Revolutionary War. Two types of records are of particular interest to the
genealogist: the compiled service record and the pension application record.

Compiled military service records are of limited genealogical value. They
serve primarily to prove military service by your ancestor. For the most part,
they consist of the serviceman’s rank, military unit, dates of service,
payroll and muster rolls, discharge, desertion or death. A few of the later
war records include some personal information such as age, birthplace and
physical description.

Microfilm indexes of military service records are available for the following
periods: Revolution, 1775-1783; post-Revolution, 1784-1811; War of 1812, 1812-
1815; Indian Wars, 1817-1858; Mexican War, 1846-1848; Civil War, Union troops,
1861-1865; Civil War, Confederate troops, 1861-1865; Spanish-American War,
1898-1899; and the Philippine Insurrection, 1899-1902.

Pension application records are the most important military records for
genealogists. The National Archives has pension applications and payment
records for veterans, widows and other heirs. They are based on service in the
U.S. armed forces between 1775 and 1916, but not duty in the service of the
Confederate States.

Genealogical information in these files varies. In the file for one of my
ancestors was an “autograph letter” recounting his experiences during the
Revolution as well as statements signed by John Hancock attesting to his
service in Maine, along with notarized information relating to his marriage
and the birth of his children. Others may contain only depositions relating to
the applicant’s service, his age, birthplace and place of residence. Widow’s
applications often have more material, for they had to furnish the date and
place of the marriage, the date and place of her husband’s death, her maiden
name, age, residence, and the names and ages of her children.

The National Genealogical Society compiled and published an alphabetical name
index of the Revolutionary War pension applications files and is working on
one for the War of 1812.

To secure photocopies of military or pension records by mail, write the
National Archives Reference Service Branch (NNIR) and ask for copies of its
military request order forms. Information on the form must be as complete as
possible for an effective search to be made. At a minimum, you must know the
state from which he served and the period when he served. There is a charge
for this service.

Some state archives or libraries have additional military records – or copies
of the federal records – so you will want to check there. Iowa, for instance,
has an excellent collection gathered as a part of a WPA project in the 1930s
and maintained by military authorities. Some states also issued pensions;
inquiries about these should be directed to the state where the veteran lived
after the war.

PASSENGER ARRIVAL RECORDS/FEDERAL LAND RECORDS

The Archives and its branches have passenger arrival records beginning in 1820
(they were not required before that date). To request a search of the
passenger arrival records, write the Reference Service Branch (NNIR) and
request forms for ordering passenger arrival records. The important
information you will need includes approximate date of arrival of your
ancestor, port of entry, and – if possible – the name of the ship. There is a
charge for this service.

If your ancestor lived in one of the “public land” states (30 states,
primarily from Ohio west) and bought land directly from the federal
government, you can request a search of the National Archives Records. You
will need to furnish your ancestor’s full name, the state in which he or she
acquired land, whether the land was acquired before or after 1908, and, if
possible, the legal description of the land by section, township and range. If
you don’t have a legal description, describe its location as precisely as you
can. There is a fee for this service and it may take several weeks to process
your order.

STATE AND LOCAL RECORDS

The records maintained by each county or other local jurisdiction are valuable
sources of family information. Land records, wills and probates, other court
records and vital statistics are just some of the materials available to the
genealogist.

Unfortunately, many of these records have been lost by fire or, perhaps,
carelessness. And in most states, birth and death records weren’t kept until
this centrury. Marriage records are often available for much earlier years.

In general, early records for most of New England are fairly complete. Most
Massachusetts vital records have been published. In the South, however, many
early records weren’t centrally kept or were lost or burned.

In most states records of interest to genealogists are kept in the state
archives, the state library and a land office. County records not transferred
to the state archives are usually found in county courthouses. In New England
some records, particularly vital records, are kept in town halls.

Many state libraries have developed information sheets that will help you
begin your research. There are also published genealogical research guides
available for many states.

The government publication, “Where to Write for Vital Records,” gives specific
information on the location of these records. Issued periodically, it is
available from the Superintendent of Documents, U.S. Government Printing
Office, Washington, DC 20402, or can be found in many libraries. It lists
information by state and includes the repository, address and cost of each
certificate.

“The Handy Book for Genealogists” is a particularly helpful guide. It contains
information on local record sources, including published state and local
histories, lists of libraries and historical societies, county maps of each
state, a listing of counties, with records available in each and whom and
where to write for them, date the county was formed and its parent counties,
and a rundown of available census records and indexes to them. Available from
Everton Publishers, P.O. Box 369, Logan, UT 84321.

You can find out what records are available in a county by writing the county
clerk. (The exact county official in charge of various records varies from
state to state; a letter addressed to the clerk will usually be passed on to
the proper office.)

If you can provide a specific name and an approximate date for a document
(deed, birth, death, marriage, will, etc.), the clerk can find and copy the
record for you at a nominal fee (usually about $3).

VITAL RECORDS

While vital records are the most important records for genealogists, their
availability varies widely from area to area, as previously mentioned.

An additional problem is that information found in them is not always
accurate. Early records may not be complete, the person providing the
information may have given inaccurate data either intentionally or by mistake,
or other errors have occured in copying or indexing.

If a parent gave the information for a birth certificate, you can assume it is
accurate. Beware, however, of information provided for a death certificate. A
person giving such information for his grandfather often didn’t know the
pertinent information asked, such as date and place of birth, or gave confused
information. As an example, a great uncle provided information for the death
certificate of his father (my great grandfather) and in the blank for the
decedant’s mother’s maiden name (a sorely needed piece of information for me)
is listed my great uncle’s mother’s name, not that of his father’s mother.

While the date of death given on a death certificate is usually accurate, the
cause of death may not be as complete as you’d like even though furnished by a
coroner or doctor. The cause of death for one of my ancestors is listed as
“apoplexy” (stroke). Under “contributory causes,” the doctor wrote
“drunkeness” and under “how long” he entered “many years”! (A story begging to
be learned! Followup led to an obituary which recounted a trip to town the
Friday night before he died and the wrecking of the buggy on the way home; the
obituary was diplomatically silent about the cause of the accident.)

Marriage records are usually dependable, since the persons involved supplied
the information. However, sometimes folks fudged about their ages – either
because they were too young to marry without permission of their parents or
they didn’t want the clerk to know exactly how old they were. My father was
married a few months before his 21st birthday and gave his age as 21, thus
avoiding the hassel of getting his father to sign. And Dad went to a
neighboring county for the marriage license, knowing that his home county
would verify his age against his birth record.

PROBATE RECORDS

Probate records are important for genealogists. Among the earliest available,
they help document family relationships and dates of death. A will may list
the wife and/or husband and all the children by their given names, may include
some grandchildren’s names and the married names of daughters and their
husbands’ names. Sometimes, though, you’ll find one that simply says “my
beloved wife” and “all of my children” without naming any of them. Remember,
too, that a particular son or daughter may have previously been provided for
and the absence of a name in a will does not necessarily mean a person was not
an offspring of the deceased.

If no will can be found, you must search for other papers. Usually you will
find court orders appointing an administrator or executor. If a person left a
will, he often named an “executor” of the will and the court required that
person to post a bond. If a person died “intestate” (without a will), then the
court usually appointed an “administrator.” Thus the use of executor or
administrator in court records indicates whether a will was left. Most
counties have indexes of executors’ and administrators’ bonds. If you search
long enough and hard enough you can almost always find some court record of a
person’s death – at least those who owned property, for there had to be some
disposition of that property.

DEEDS

Sometimes the answer can be found in deeds, although these usually do not
contain genealogical information. At a minimum, deeds help you establish where
your ancestors lived and when. Occasionally you will find family references
such as “the same land which I inherited from my father, Samuel, as his eldest
son and heir.” Also, some land records, particularly those for settlement of
estates, may list heirs. If your ancestor conveyed “an undivided fifth
interest” in a piece of property it would indicate that he and four other
heirs, likely his siblings, may have inherited the property.

Deeds can also help establish whether an ancestor was married, since the sale
of land requires the wife’s consent. The absence of a wife’s name indicates
the seller was unmarried at the time. In one case, I was unable to find the
date of death for an ancestor’s wife prior to his remarriage to another woman.
To complicate matters, both women had the given name Elizabeth. However,
careful checking of deeds involved in his many land transactions revealed a
period of about two years when he sold land without a wife signing. This
information revealed the approximate dates of the first woman’s death and his
later remarriage.

While most counties have accurate indexes of deed records, usually these are a
“grantor” (seller) index and a “grantee” (buyer) index. Other persons who may
be mentioned in a deed are not indexed and the information you are looking for
may be “lost” in one of dozens of deed books. I once solved a perplexing
genealogical problem for another person quite by accident. She wrote wanting
to know if perhaps two of her ancestor’s daughters had married into the Pence
family since the two families were neighbors. They hadn’t. But one day while
checking a deed for some land my ancestor had bought, I discovered all of the
information relating to the marriages of her ancestor’s children. Turned out
that the land was being sold by her ancestor’s heirs, one of whom was a
daughter whose existence and married name were unknown. The deed was indexed
under the name of the unknown daughter’s husband along with “et al” – “and
others.” Naturally, the persons she was looking for were among the “others.”
Moral: You may have to check deeds for in-laws of your ancestors as well as
those for neighbors in order to find that elusive fact.

GUARDIAN BONDS

Another useful record found in courthouses is the record of guardian bonds, or
orphan’s bonds. These can establish the parentage of a person who was a minor
and help establish dates of death for the parent or parent. Note that it was
not necessary for both parents to be deceased for a guardian to be named. This
was sometimes done in cases where a minor child was an heir to a grandfather’s
estate through the deceased parent or if a mother was remarrying. In both
cases, and in others, the guardian was appointed to protect the child’s rights
to the estate. I’ve also noted cases such as one where a person was named
guardian of two orphans who had the same last name as he. Instead of being
niece and nephew, as might be expected, they turned out to be his own
children. He was named guardian in order to take custody of their portion of
their mother’s inheritance from her father’s estate.

COURTHOUSE RESEARCH TIPS

As always, be sure to take complete citations when extracting wills, deeds or
other court records. Witnesses or those who gave bond for certain transactions
should also be recorded, for these may have been relatives.

Remember that in the early years of our country, many people could not read or
write, so watch for variant spellings of the name you are searching. Often
names were recorded as they sounded to clerks. This is how the name Bentz
became Pence in most parts of the U.S. (The German “B” is often pronounced as
“P.”) Most often the spellings we use today were the result of an accident,
not a deliberate effort. It’s probably not worth your while to look for a
court record for a name change, for it was seldom done. Likewise, people who
spell a similar surname different from you may be related to you, while those
who spell it the same may not.

A few years ago, notice was taken of the legal name change made by a prominent
person. A Johannes Hart Pence lived in New Jersey in colonial times. One of
his sons, out of deference to his grandmother’s maiden name, began using
Hartpence as his surname. Generations later, a member of this family,
remembering the story about the name having been changed in early days, went
to court to have it changed back to “the old way.” That’s why a presidential
candidate has the name Gary Hart instead of Gary Pence!

Another thing to watch for is translation of names. The German Zimmerman
became its English equivalent, Carpenter, for example.

You also need to watch for misspellings of place names, particularly in deeds.
In searching for the spot where an ancestor lived, I kept finding it described
as being “at the foot of Rich Mountain.” No such place could be found on any
map, old or new, in the area. I finally figured out why. The ancestor was
German and if he described the land to an English clerk, he would describe it
with a German accent. If the word was pronounced “rich,” what might the
correct word be? Answer: “Ridge.” Sure enough, Ridge Mountain was on the map
and the land was located.

And, in earlier times, the boundaries of the counties were constantly
changing. Thus, in order for you to concentrate your research in the proper
place, you need to know the geographic history of the areas you are interested
in.

For instance, some of my ancestors lived for many years in Shenandoah County,
VA. This county was created in 1772 from a portion of Frederick County, which
in turn was created in 1738 from Orange and Augusta counties – both of which
were carved out of other counties. And today, the land on which they lived is
located in Page County, which was created from Shenandoah County in 1833.
Therefore, depending on the dates involved, you might have to search the
courthouses of three or more counties to find the appropriate record for an
individual.

Everton’s “Handy Book” (mentioned earlier) can provide you with information
about the formation of counties.

FAMILY BIBLES

Family Bibles or information on tombstones are excellent records – but there
are some things you have to be careful about. For instance, Bibles usually are
accurate family records, but you should check the date the Bible was printed.
If it was printed in 1850 and contains family birth, death and marriage
records back into the 1700s, obviously someone wrote these records long after
the fact and may not have known the facts or remembered accurately, or even
could have been told the wrong information.

Also, you should check the handwriting carefully. If several entries are in
the same shade of ink in almost identical handwriting, it’s a good sign those
entries were made at the same time and probably not concurrent with the event.
The date of the last nearly identical record is probably closest to the
recording date.

TOMBSTONE RECORDS

Tombstones, too, are sometimes erected many years after a person dies and
therefore might contain erroneous dates. Or the stonecutter could have erred
or been given the wrong information. Be careful, too, of printed compilations
of cemetery records (this applies to other published material, such as
marriage records), because errors can be made in copying, indexing or
publishing. A book on one cemetery contains entry for one of my wife’s
ancestors, including this quote: “son of N.B.” This contradicted other
information and it was not until much later – when I had someone recheck the
stone for me – that I learned the correct inscription was: “Erected by his
son, W.B.” This fit what I had previously believed.

When copying cemetery inscriptions, be careful not to misread numbers or
letters. The number 4 is often carved with a light horizontal line that wears
away leaving what looks like the number 1 or 7. Other numbers that are easy to
misread: 3 and 8, 8 and 6, 5 and 3. Letters usually are more distinct, but C,
G, D and O can be confused. Mar and May are hard to distinguish, as are Jul
and Jun. When copying, place a question mark over letters or numbers you are
unsure of.

Be sure to record surrounding stones, for they can provide clues to family
relationships. Look for markers outlining family plots and note the names of
all those buried within the plot. A woman who was a widow for a number of
years, or a bride who died young, might be buried with her parents, and others
with different names may be related.

Many cemeteries will not be well cared for and will be badly overgrown. The
best time to search is the early spring or late fall when the foliage is thin
and the weeds short. Helpful equipment for “tombstone hunting” includes
carpenter’s chalk (for rubbing over letters to make them easier to read), a
putty knife to scrape debris off fallen stones, a scrub brush to clean stones,
a crowbar to turn heavy stones, perhaps an axe to clear away underbrush or a
shovel to dig away from sunken stones, and a camera to record unusual stones.

Even if your ancestor is buried in an unmarked grave, if you know the cemetery
he or she is buried in you can sometimes get information about him from
cemetery records. Write a library or historical society near the cemetery to
learn if such records are available. Larger city cemeteries usually have a
sexton who maintains such records. If one exists for the cemetery you are
interested in, that is the person to contact.

NEWSPAPERS

Marriage notices, obituaries and birth announcements are often found in
newspapers – if you are willing to spend the time to hunt through them. A few
are indexed, but most require a page-by-page search. You’ll need to know where
the family lived and the approximate date of the event you are interested in.

Some local libraries have microfilm or other copies of early newspapers and
many state libraries have extensive collections. The Library of Congress has
an excellent collection of early American newspapers.

If you know the place and date of marriage, birth or death, you can usually
get a copy of any mention of it (at least for more recent years) by writing
newspapers in the area. Your library probably has a directory of newspapers in
the U.S.

“Newspaper Indexes: A Location and Subject Guide for Researchers,” 3 vols., by
Anita Cheek Milner (Scarecrow Press, Metuchen, NJ), lists newspaper indexes by
state, county and town, indicating the repositories in which they can be
found.

CHURCH RECORDS

If you know the religious affiliation of your ancestor, you should try to find
out what records are available for the churches in the area where he or she
lived. Records vary widely from denomination to denomination. Some may be
housed in a national or state repository; others are found on closet shelves
of the current church secretary.

“A Survey of American Church Records,” by E. Kay Kirkham (Everton Publishers,
Logan, UT), is a guide to the location of church records that have been
published or deposited in public archives.

OTHER HELP

There are countless other sources for genealogical information – literally too
many to be considered. Your local library is a good resource in discovering
some of them. It will likely have several books on genealogical research, all
of which will give you additional ideas. It also may subscribe to a number of
genealogical periodicals. Take time to check through a few of these. One
feature in many of them is a section with queries about “lost” ancestors. I’ve
received a lot of help by writing to those searching the same lines as I am.
In fact, one of the pleasant things about genealogy is the willingness of its
practitioners to share their findings with you.

If you get stuck on a particular line, placing a query in a genealogical
publication may yield results. If you follow this route, BE SPECIFIC. Saying
you will “exchange information on the Baker family” won’t bring many responses
because readers won’t know who it is you are looking for or if they have
information that will help you.

Try this approach: “Need parents of James L. Baker, born OH 1812, married Sue
Allen in Bartholomew County, IN, in 1837; lived Warren County, IN, 1850
census. Who were his parents? Hers? Was George Baker, Bartholomew County 1850
his brother or cousin?” [NOTE: I made up all of the foregoing information, but
after this article began appearing in local newspapers, I got a response to
it!]

If you write others seeking information, remember your mail manners. Because
you’re asking them to help you, you should make it easy for them. Ask
questions precisely. Include as much information as necessary to identify the
individual you are interested in, but don’t include extraneous material. A
short, to-the- point letter will get a response. One dealing with a variety of
subjects will be set aside because of the extensive work involved in answering
it.

Be responsive to the needs of the individual you are writing and offer
information you may have that could be of help. Offer to pay the cost of
copies of material you request or to reimburse for out-of-pocket expenses. And
it’s customary when writing to seek information to include an SASE
(self-addressed stamped envelope) for the reply.

Keep a copy of the letters you send, for it may be difficult from the reply to
tell what you said in your request. And it’s a good idea to keep a log of in-
coming and out-going letters, including a notation as to when particular
letters were answered. ******

[Created with PC-Write. Not paged. You should be able to page this and print]
it out with nearly any word processor.]

The Unusual Case Of The Scrotum Self-Repair

The following is the _Unusual_Case_ case column from the July 1991
issue of the trade magazine _Medical_Aspects_of_Human_Sexuality_, by
William A. Morton, Jr.

Scrotum Self-Repair

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse.
She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem
other than to say that he “needed a doctor who took care of men’s
troubles.” The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously
uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his
trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to
remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling
stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice
the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag
laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some
half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were.
Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the
machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself
with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch
staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patient’s scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him
to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum
antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery
the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and
debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty
staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened.
The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the
spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the
vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present.
Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and
the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital
less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to
me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn’t leave the machine shop at
lunchtime with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the
regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the
canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery. One day,
as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too
close to the belt. When his scrotum became caught between the pulley-
wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few
feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too
stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed
work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-
gratification.

[William A. Morton is a retired urologist residing in West Chester,
Pennsylvania.]

Scouting Campfire Skits, Yells And Other Silly Things

Newsgroups: rec.scouting,news.answers
From: macman@bernina.ethz.ch (Danny Schwendener)
Subject: rec.scouting FAQ #1: Skits, Yells & Creative Campfires
Message-ID:
Organization: Pfadi Glockenhof, 8001 Zurich, Switzerland
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 03:14:44 GMT
Lines: 1429

Archive-name: scouting/1_skits-yells-and-campfires
Last-Modified: 1992/12/24

This file contains a number of skits and yells collected on
rec.scouting and scouts-l, for your own Pack meetings and campfires.
While the yells are rarely useable outside of the english-speaking
countries, I have found that most skits are very easy to translate,
and my cubs love them!

I have also appended a compilation of creative ways to light a
campfire. If you use them, be careful not to incite the kids to start
playing with liquid fuels. The results can be devastating.

If you know a good skit or yell that hasn’t been included in this FAQ,
please do all of us the favour. Write it up and post it on rec.scouting.
Drop me a copy too to make sure that I include it in this file.

There are a few books I know on skits, yells and campfires:

The “BSA Cub Scout Leader How-To Book”. It is built to help the
cub scout pack and den leaders running programs that kids enjoy.
A section of 15 pages is dedicated to skits, yells and applauses.
ISBN 0-8395-3831-6.

“Creative Campfires” is another fine publication. Half of the
book contains songs, and the rest is crammed with skits, stories,
yells and tips to set up an entertaining campfire. (Sorry – no ISBN,
but it can be ordered worldwide from the BSA Supply Division –
Fax +1-704-588-5822).

This file is in digested format, like all FAQ files on this newsgroup.
If you’re using nn as newsreader, type ‘G %” to split the digest into
individual postings. In bn or rn, typing control-G should cause the
reader to skip to the next posting within this file.

— Danny Schwendener macman@bernina.ethz.ch
Wolfsmeute Nidau/Glockenhof, Sihlstr. 33, CH-8001 Zurich, Switzerland
m.h.c. Troop 14, San Francisco

——————————–
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1992 12:47:53 -0400
From: bk233@CLEVELAND.FREENET.edu (Jack W. Weinmann)
Subject: Skit – Rowing

Four or more people sneak up behind the speaker and set chairs down so
that “the speaker can’t see them.” They then begin to go through the
motions of casting a line and reeling it in. After a while the audience
is watching what the group is doing and then the “speaker” looks over
and asks, “What are you doing?”

“We’re fishing!” is the reply of the fishermen, after which they go
back to their motions and the speaker resumes talking. After a short
time the speaker looks over and says – “But you can’t fish here!”

“Why not?” asks another fisherman.

“Because there’s no water here!” (speaker)

“Oh, well, they weren’t biting anyway!” (fisherman)

The fishermen then turn their chairs so that they are lined up in
a single line, facing in the same direction. They go through the
motions of putting their gear away, and then, acting as if they are
rowing a boat, slide their chairs backwards across the stage.”

It worked well in a gymnasium and at the hall where we showed it
to the leaders at roundtable. Perhaps the fishermen could sit on
plastic garbage bags, or pieces of plastic sheet such as that which
is used for ground cloths and simply scoot across the ground when it
is time to “row” away.

Also, the speaker could be starting what looks like the introduction
to another skit when the fishermen interrupt his narration.

——————————–
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1992 16:04:12 -0400
From: GARBUTT@WVNVM.bitnet (Garbutt, Keith)
Subject: Skit – Ging gang gooly

****Warning long posting of interest to campfire junkies only******

At WEBELOS camp last week I was teaching the “Skits, songs and cheers”
activity. We had each den produce a skit a song and a cheer.
In addition I was teaching other songs so we could have decent volume
on the communal songs. I was teaching Ging Gang Gooli (which I
discoverd had never been heard before in this council!!!!!!) when
a Scouter from a Pittsburg pack (who appears to be as big a nut about
campfires as I am) asked if I knew the Great Grey Elephat story which
went with it. I didn’t, he told it to me, I shamlessly stole it!!!!
(with his permision). Apparently this story came to him from Canada
– so Thanks to our brothers and sisters in the Great Frozen North for
this one.

THE GREAT GREY GHOST ELEPHANT

In deepest darkest Africa there is a legend concerning the Great Grey
Ghost Elephant. Every year after the rains the great grey ghost
elephant arose from the mists and wandered throught the land at dawn.
When he came to a village he would stop and sniff the air, then he
would either go around the village or through it. If he went around
the village the village would have a prosporous year, if he went
through it there would be hunger and drought.

The village of Wat-cha had been visited three years in a row by the
elephant and things were very bad indeed, and the village leader
Ging-ganga, was very worried, as was the village medicine man
Hay-la-shay. Together they decided to do somthing about the problem.

Now Ging-ganga and his worriors whe huge men with big shields and
Spears and they decided to stand in the path of the elephant and
shake their shields and swords at it to frightenit off.

Hay-la-shay and his followers were going to cast magic spells to
deter the elephant by shaking their medicine bags as the elephant
approached which made the sound shalawally shallawlly shallawally.

Very early in the morning of the day the Great Grey Elephant came
the villagers gatherd at the edge of the village on one side were
Ging-gana and his warriors (indicate right side of camp fire circle)
on the other was Hay-la-shay and his followers (indicate left side
of camp fire)

As they waited the warriors sang softly about their leader

Ging Gang Gooli, Gooli, Gooli, Gooli Watcha
Ging Gang Goo Ging Gang Goo
Ging Gang Gooli, Gooli, Gooli, Gooli Watcha
Ging Gang Goo Ging Gang Goo

As they waited the medicine men sang of their leader

Hayla, Hayla Shayla Heyla Shayla Halya Ho-o-o!
Hayla, Hayla Shayla Heyla Shayla Halya Ho-o-o!

And shook their medicine bags

shallawally shallawlly shallawally shallawally.

And from the river came the mighty great grey elephants
reply (Have all the adults do this)

Oompha Oompah Ompah Oompah!

The elephat was coming closer so the warriors beat their
shields and sang louder (signal warriors to stand
and beat thighs in time)

Ging Gang Gooli, Gooli, Gooli, Gooli Watcha
Ging Gang Goo Ging Gang Goo
Ging Gang Gooli, Gooli, Gooli, Gooli Watcha
Ging Gang Goo Ging Gang Goo

then the medicine men rose and sang loudly

Hayla, Hayla Shayla Heyla Shayla Halya Ho-o-o!
Hayla, Hayla Shayla Heyla Shayla Halya Ho-o-o!

And shook their medicine bags

shallawally shallawlly shallawally shallawally.

And mighty great grey elephant turn aside and went around the
village saying

Oompha Oompah Ompah Oompah!

There was great rejoicing in the village and all the villagers
joind to gether to sing

Ging Gang Gooli ……..

——————————–
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1992 16:04:12 -0400
From: GARBUTT@WVNVM.bitnet (Garbutt, Keith)
Subject: Yells

My boys love to yell so we do a competitive Yell
Split the camp fire into two halfs have one side say

There ain’t no flys on us
There ain’t no flys on us
There may be flys on some of you guys
But there ain’t no flys on us

The other side responds with

Give ’em straw
Give ’em hay
give ’em somthing to stop that neigh

Get both sides going at once and wear ear plugs!!!!!

An old old favourite of mine from my days playing rugby in Wales

(Leader) Oggy Oggy Oggy
(Scouts) Oy Oy OY
(L) Oggy (S)Oy
(L) Oggy (S)Oy
(Leader) Oggy Oggy Oggy
(Scouts) Oy Oy OY

This next one was made up by a bunch of first year WEBELOS
They thought it was GREAT we were not so sure but we let
them do it any way – must encourage creativity!!!!
(Use with CAUTION!!!)

Rah Rah Ree Kick ’em in the knee
Rah Rah Ras Kick ,em in the (pause for parents to go OH!)
Other knee.

——————————–
From: wayne@eng.umd.edu (Wayne C. McCullough)
Subject: Skit – the Medicrin

The Medicrin

as recorded by Wayne McCullough
(original Author unknown)

There once was a medieval village named Trinsic. This
village was being terrorized by a vile monster, the
Medicrin. Each night, the Medicrin would stalk down from
the hills, and devour one of the villagers.

The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to
pool their money together to hire the great hero Erik.

Erik came and listened to the complaints of the villagers.
He consulted his Great Hero’s Book of Vile Monsters, and
learned that Medicrins love to eat Loons.

So Erik hunted high and low to find a loon. He found one,
captured it, tied it up, and brought it back to the village.
He then had the villagers dig a deep pit.

Erik threw the loon into the pit, hoping to capture the
Medicrin, and slay it.

That night, the Medicrin came . . .

It smelled the loon . . .

But it also smelled DANGER, and it ran off,
devouring one of the villagers on the way out.

After calming the villagers, the next day, Erik again
consulted his Great Hero’s Book of Vile Monsters, and
learned that Medicrins also love sugar.

So Erik gathered up all of the sugar in the village, and
threw it into the pit. The loon, not having eaten in days,
devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp. Erik was struck
with panic, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to
do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin would be
there soon, so Erik crossed his fingers, and hoped for the
best.

That night, the Medicrin came . . .

It smelled the loon . . .

It smelled danger . . .

But it also smelled the sugar, and the
Medicrin dived into the pit, and devoured the loon. The
villagers swarmed over the Medicrin, and slew it.

The moral of the story:

“A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down.”

Presentation:
The story calls for a narrator, a Hero, a Medicrin, a Loon,
and assorted villagers. The narrator should have a loud,
clear voice. There should be at least three villagers, but
the more, the merrier (up to ten).

The narrator should read the story, and the characters
should act out the parts. I personally feel no props should
be used, and only the narrator should speak.

The narrator should read the story slowly and dramatically.
Purely from the spoken point of view, the only humor in the
entire story is the final punch-line. However, minor
slapstick should be employed by the actors.

This is amusing mostly because of the punch-line. This
story should not be evoked in excess.

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – The little green ball

Hi Folks.
The following stunts and sketches were collected from the Xerox
scouting distribution list and contains items from leaders in
America and in England.
Have fun!

THE LITTLE GREEN BALL

This one is so old, but it appeals to the lads in my troop.
First scout comes on and says ‘Oh no I’ve lost it’
He then starts to search around on the floor.
Second scout comes in and asks what he is looking for.
First scout replies that he has lost his little green ball.
Both scouts continue searching the floor.
Several more scouts come on and are told about the lost little
green ball. even members of the audience can be persuaded to join
in the search. After enough time has been dragged out, the first
scout, sticks a finger up his nose and says “Don’t worry I will
have to make another one” YUK!!!!!

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – THE MAGIC DOCTOR’S CHAIR

Characters required, 1 doctor and four patients.
Props required, two chairs.
Scene begins with doctor sitting on one of the chairs.

First patient enters twitching their left arm.

DOCTOR: ‘And what’s wrong with you sir?’

Patient 1: ‘As you can see doctor I have this terrible twitch’

DOCTOR: ‘Just sit on my magic chair and you’ll get better’

The patient sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctor’s
left arm starts twitching.

Patient 1: ‘Oh thank you doctor. you cured me’

The patient leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next
patient.
DOCTOR: ‘ Next ‘…… ‘And what’s wrong with you sir?’

This patient has the hiccups. The process of sitting in the chair
is repeated. The doctor now has a twitch and the hiccups.

The third patient is called in, both his legs keep flicking in the air. The
process is again repeated so that the doctor now has a twitching arm
the hiccups and both legs flicking in the air.

The doctor now calls patient four. This patient looks quite normal,
enters and sits in the magic chair.

DOCTOR: ‘And what may I ask is wrong with you sir?’

Patient 4: ‘I’ve got a terrible case of the trots doctor’
The doctor runs off the stage holding his stomach.

Note: TROTS is English slang for can’t stop going to the toilet

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – THREE SCOUT LEADERS

The scene is that three scout leaders are sitting around the campfire
swapping yarns, after having had a little too much of the amber nectar
to drink.

[Note: this skit is adapted from the “We were poor” sketch from
“Monty Python live at City Center” — Danny]

1st leader: These scouts today don’t know they’re born. I can
remember the scout hut that we had. There was a hole in the roof,
which let the water in when it were raining.

2nd leader: A roof with a hole in it, that were luxury. We had
an old tarpaulin sheet slung over the rafters. Us older lads had to
hang onto it during the meetings, case it blew away in the wind.

3rd leader: Rafters, now theres a luxury. When I was a scout our
hut had no roof at all, and we kept out the rain with some old bits
of sack, held up with twigs.

1st leader: We couldn’t get twigs. We had to hold the roof up
with our bare hands. Those were the days.

2nd leader: I remember when us lads used to go to camp. We
loaded all our gear onto an old army truck and drove to the campsite
singing songs.

3rd leader: We had no time for singing. We used to pull all our
gear along on an old cart with wooden wheels. And the wheels used
to get bogged down in the mud.

1st leader: A cart with wheels, now thats what I call a luxury.
We just had an old cardboard box to put all our camping gear in, and
when it rained all our gear would get soaking wet, and fall into the
mud, but we were happy.

2nd leader: Yes, those were the days.

3rd leader: We had some nice tents though, big green six manners.

1st leader: Six manners , luxury, our tents were so small, you
had to sleep sitting up.

2nd leader: We didn’t have any tents at all in my troop. We used
to curl up in a hole that we’d dug in the ground, but we were happy.

3rd leader: We couldn’t afford a hole in the ground, we used to
sleep in a puddle.

1st leader: Yes these youngsters today don’t know they’re born,
but if you told them all these things they would never believed you.

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – THE SUBMARINE CAPTAIN

A line of submarine officers on a japanese sub during WWII .
Captain sights a ship in the parascope

CAPTAIN; ‘Tanker bearing 259, Range 1 mile’
He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate,
down the line until finally the torpedo opperator is told.
The torpedo operator just shrugs his shoulders.

CAPTAIN: ‘Load main tube # 1 and stand by to fire.’
He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate,
down the line until finally the torpedo opperator is told.

TORPEDO OPERATOR: ‘I don’t know How.

Next the captain gives the order to fire down the line, but the
TORPEDO OPERATOR. says “I dont know How…”

This message is returned up the line to the Captain who SCREAMS.

CAPTAIN : “Press the red button.”

When this message finally gets down to the TORPEDO OPERATOR. he
follows it, but it took too long so they miss the ship. (More
message passing if you want.) Finally after about three ships
(each time the TORPEDO OPERATOR doesnt remember how to fire.)
The Captain feels disgraced and pulls out a knife and commits
Sepuku (or incorrectly, Hari Keri) Each officer in turn picks
up the knife and follows the Captains example until at last the
knife comes to the Torpedo Officer Who looks at the knife and says;

TORPEDO OPPERATOR: ‘I dont Know How…”

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – IS IT TIME YET?
Line of 5-8 Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right,
right arm crossed over left.

First Scout in line asks: “IS IT TIME YET?” –
Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.

Last Scout says: “NO”
Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.

After a lonnnnnnnng pause,

First Scout asks: “IS IT TIME YET?”
It goes down the line as before.

Last Scout says: “NO”
Again and the word is passed back.

Another long pause……………

First Scout asks again: “IS IT TIME YET?”
etc and,

Last Scout says: “YES”
the answer is passed back.
Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to
right foot over left and left arm over right.

Exit groaning

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – RAISIN SKIT

1st Scout comes out: Gets down on all fours, pretenting to be
a table.
2nd Scout comes out, looks at the table and declares;

2nd SCOUT: “Ahh, a fly, I think I’ll pull it’s wings off”
Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the table,
and walks off.

3nd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says;

3rd SCOUT: “Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I’ll pull it’s
legs off”, With great precision and animation, picks up the fly,
removes it’s legs, and puts it back and walks off.

4rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces;

4th SCOUT: “Say, a fly with no wings and no legs, I think
I’ll pull it’s head off.”
Then proceeds as the other Scout before him.

Last Scout comes out looks at the table, then carefully inspects
the object with out picking it up and says very quickly

LAST SCOUT: “A raisin !” and quickly picks it up and puts it
in his mouth

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – THE NUTTY FISHERMAN
Centre stage is a lad fishing from a billy can or bucket, he keeps
pulling the rod as though he has something on the line. A passer
by looks at him as he walks by and then walks on, after a few
steps the passer by comes back to the lad.

Passer by: “What are you doing there then?”

Fisher: “I’m fishing, what does it look as though
I’m doing?”
Passer by: “Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for.”

Fisher: “I’m fishing for suckers.”

Passer by: “Have you caught any?”

Fisher: “Yes you’re the third today”

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – BEE STING
1st scout “OOOOOUCH , OOOOOH , OOOUCH.”

2nd scout “What’s the matter with you?”

1st scout “A bee’s stung my thumb.”

2nd scout “Try putting some cream on it then.”

1st scout “But the bee will be miles away by this time.”

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – “PATIENCE, JACKASS, PATIENCE!”

You can ham this up a bit, but here’s the jist of it.

Two scouts enter (one on all fours if conditions allow) and move
across stage as the skit procedes. One is the mule and the other
is the driver. A narrator stands just offstage.

Narrator: “In the heat of the Mojave Desert, the mule driver
pushes his beast toward town. The first day. . .”

Mule: “Water, master, water!”

Driver: “Patience, Jackass, Patience!”

Narrator: “Still they drive on relentlessly. The second day. . .”

Mule: “Water, master, water!”

Driver: “Patience, Jackass, Patience!”

Narrator: “Without mercy, they push to their goal.
The third day. . .”
Mule: “Water, master, water!”

Driver: “Patience, Jackass, Patience!”

Narrator: “Still far from town, they go on. The fifth day. . .”

Voice offstage: “What happened to the fourth day?”

Driver: “Patience, Jackass, Patience!”

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – CAMP COFFEE SKETCH

You need a large dixie or billy in the centre of the stage and
four scouts.
In England we have nesting sets of aluminium cooking pots with
a steel wire handle. They look like a small straight sided bucket
or paint pot. These are called Billys or Billycans. We also have
larger cast iron or steel cooking pots usually oval in shape.
Most of these are army surplus and are known as Dixies.

1st scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug
in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

” THIS CAMP COFFEE IS GETTING WORSE! ”

2nd scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his
mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

” THIS CAMP TEA IS GETTING WORSE! ”

3rd scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his
mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

” THIS CAMP CHOCOLATE IS GETTING WORSE! ”
4th scout (Walks to billy, dips his hands in and takes out
a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he says. )

“I THOUGHT THAT WOULD GET THEM CLEAN!”

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – THE SLEEP WALKER

You will need three scouts or male scout leaders and one girl scout
or lady leader. You can do this with adults or youngsters, but
do not mix adults and youngsters.

The scene is that three boys are chatting in a group when from
the side of the stage, a young lady walks on, hands in front of her,
sleep walking.
She walks up to the first boy, takes off his tie and walks off
taking his his tie with her.

1st boy ” Hey she’s pinched my tie.” (another word for
Pinched is stole or took)

2nd boy ” It’s dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don’t worry
she’ll bring it back when she wakes up.”

The girl walks back and takes the second boys jacket, she walks off
carrying it with her.

2nd boy “Hey she’s pinched my jacket.”

3rd boy “It’s dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don’t worry
she’ll bring it back, when she wakes up.”

The girl walks back still sleep walking, grabs the 3rd boy by the
arm and walks off with him.

3rd boy “It’s dangerous to wake sleep walkers, but don’t worry
she’ll bring me back when she wakes up.”

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – WE’RE GOING ON SAFARI
This is an action chant, which can be performed by as many scouts
as you wish. It can be made into something really good, by
dressing up in safari gear and carrying rifles.

1st scout:We’re going on safari.
ALL:We’re going on safari.
1st scout:We’re gonna catch a big one.
ALL:We’re gonna catch a big one.
1st scout: Ooh look a snake.
ALL:Ooh look a snake.
1st scout: Hiss, hiss.
ALL:Hiss, hiss.

2nd scout: We’re going on safari.
ALL: We’re going on safari.
2nd scout: We’re gonna catch a big one.
ALL: We’re gonna catch a big one.
2nd scout : Ooh look a crocodile.
ALL: Ooh look a crocodile.
2nd scout: Snap, snap.
ALL: Snap, snap.
1st scout: Hiss, hiss.
ALL: Hiss, hiss.

3rd scout: We’re going on safari.
ALL: We’re going on safari.
3rd scout: We’re gonna catch a big one.
ALL: We’re gonna catch a big one.
3rd scout: Ooh look a panther.
ALL: Ooh look a panther.
3rd scout: Poof, poof.
ALL: POOF, POOF…….Why on Earth poof poof?
3rd scout: Well, he was pink!
2nd scout: Snap, snap.
ALL: Snap, snap.
1st scout: Hiss, hiss.
ALL: Hiss, hiss.

AND SO ON.
To finish you can have someone dressed in a gorilla suit.
The last scout starts to sing ooh look a gorilla, then all the
others see the gorilla as he comes on stage and chases them all
off screaming.

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – CRAZY NEWS FLASHES
Today, Lady Blenkinsop Smythe, laid a foundation stone.
Both are said to be doing well.

A lorry load of artificial hair has just overturned on the motorway.
The police are combing the countryside.

This afternoon, two girl scouts, went for a tramp in the woods.
The tramp got away.

A hundred dollar bill has just been found on the campsite.
Will the owner, please form an orderly queue outside the mess
tent to claim it.
Doctors have just discovered, that people with hairs starting to
grow on the palms of their hands are going mad.
PAUSE.
They also tell us that people looking for hairs on the palms of
their hands are already mad.

Today thieves broke into the local police station and stole
fifty pairs of trousers.
The police are looking, pretty silly.

Yesterday a chicken swallowed a YoYo.
It laid the same egg seventy five times.

Here is a late railway annoncement.
The train now arriving at platforms 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10
is coming in sideways.

Will the man who has just left the train standing on platform 5.
Please come and collect it as we have enough of our own.

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – THE LIGHTHOUSE.

cast: 1 narrator
3-6 Scouts for the lighthouse walls
3-6 leaders, counselors, kitchen staff, etc., number to equal
the Scouts and will be ‘recruited’ during the skit
1 flashlight, or 2 if using 5-6 Scouts

Scouts stand in a circle, facing out, feet spread 2′ – 3′ apart
but touching feet of Scouts on each side. The flashlight is held
at eye level and is passed around the circle. Scouts stand tall
and hold the beacon’s beam steady.
Narrator: “Many years ago the people of a seaside village built
a lighthouse to warn approaching ships of a dangerous shoal near
their harbor. It’s beacon could be seen for miles, even in fog
and storms. For many decades, the lighthouse stood firm and give
safe passage to all who sailed by the village.
But as the years went by, the villagers grew old and so
did the lighthouse. The villagers could no longer make repairs,
the ocean’s waves wore away the foundation, the lighthouse started
to sag and failed at its duty.”
The Scouts now stoop, heads lean to the side and bend their knees
slightly; the light ‘travels’ a zig-zag path around.

Narrator: “When the schooners and square riggers started to go
aground on the shoals, the old villagers knew they had to call
in experienced people to help with their problem. People who
were pillars in their own communities and who were solid as a rock.”

Recruit your favorite ‘I’m gonna get you now’ people and instruct
them to go down on their hands an knees and into the walls.
Leaders are facing in with their derrieres out, and are straddled
by the Scouts who again stand tall and give a steady light.

Narrator: “Now with these new rocks placed into the foundation,
the lighthouse once again shines a bright beacon and stands firm
in the stormy surf to withstand the pounding of the waves.”

Scouts drop the flashlight and then hand paddle the leaders.

——————————–
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit – SARGE AND THE PRIVATE

Sarge and private walking.

Private: “I want to rest!”

Sarge: “No! we have to finish this hike keep going!”

Private: “But my feet hurt” etc. (Whining.)
Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses…

Sarge: “Absolutely NOT!!!”

Private: “Ill cry…”

Sarge: “Go ahead!”

Private: “WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”
Here Sarge gives in and they rest. Next the private wants to stop
and ‘ take a wee’ (you can always use the “Weeee!” when the Sarge
finally gives in after the same Rigamarole. and next a drink, and
finally food. But this is only a day hike so there is no food.
After more tears, the sarge finds a worm and the private will only
eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the sarge eats half.
Of course when he finally does, the private starts bawling again and
screams

Private: “You ate my half.”

——————————–
From: stolz@fnusgd.fnal.gov (Mike Stolz)
Subject: Creative Campfires Compilation
Date: 19 Jun 92 20:18:47 GMT

I have attempted to collect all the Creative Campfire suggestions
into a single extract. I have ordered and edited them in an effort
to make them as succinct and readable as possible. I left in the
Internet addresses of the posters (I hope I got them all straight).
If anyone has additions, corrections, etc. regarding these
accumulated suggestions, my address is: stolz@fnusgd.fnal.gov
============================ cut here +================================

In article ,
bschroeder@desire.wright.edu says:

I am looking for an impressive way to start a campfire. In the past,
we had been burying a wire to the campfire and using a rocket igniter
to light it, but that has lost it’s thrill as we have been using it
for too long… Does anyone have any ideas as to how to start a fire
in a way that will attract some “oohs and ahhhs” ?
Any help would be greatly appreciated…
====================
~From: ALLAN H. YAMAKAWA
~Date: Monday, 8 Jun 1992 00:41:51 CDT

If you have enough distance between the fire and the nearest Scout so
that you don’t asphyxiate anyone, finely ground potassium permanganate
heaped into a pyramid with an indented top into which glycerine is
poured produces a spectacular violet flame which does a nice job of
starting a fire.

Also on the slightly risky side is using a “flaming arrow” which is
guided on a piano wire into the fire.

We used both of those at Scout camps at which I served on staff, with
lots of oohs and aahs.

====================

~From: mwilson@orl.mmc.com (Mark Wilson)
~Date: 8 Jun 92 17:48:26 GMT
Mark Wilson, Eagle Class of 1973, SM, Troop 565, Deltona, FL

Not all impressive openings require pyrotechnic special effects.

Near a lake? Have some boys in indian clothing (OA members?) bring
a lighted torch by canoe from some unseen place to the council ring.
After a solemn ceremony, or a BRIEF speach, the torch bearer lights
the fire. Be sure those in the ceremony stay in character.

(these two messages inserted as safety follow-ups)
====================

~From: hellmann@cs.scarolina.edu (Douglas R Hellmann)
~Date: 11 Jun 92 03:27:28 GMT

We used to do this for OA ceremonies. The principles would come
across the lake in canoes which had highway signal flares burning
from inside the bottom of the canoe. This cast an erie red light
on them which made a great effect until the camp ranger started
making them wear life jackets. I can see the reasoning, but the
ceremony was never the same.
====================

~From: jjohnson@utkvx3.utk.edu (Jay Johnson, UTKVX)
~Date: 14 Jun 92 06:43:00 GMT
Jay Johnson, Aquatics Instructor, BSA, Great Smoky Mountain Council, TN

The lifejackets (PFDs) can be deleted from the ceremony if the
protection of the “Indians” can be assured in another fashion
such as having an emergency boat manned and ready to go with
trained lifeguards. Also a must is to have the PFDs for the
“Indians” in the canoe (for this is the law). Another way to
provide protection for the “Indians” is to keep the boat running
near the shore instead of coming across the lake with lifeguards
posted along the the route. If the right measures can be taken,
the “Indians” can canoe without wearing PFDs, but every possible
means available must be used to protect the canoeists.
In short, BSA policy makes the exception for “Special Ceremonies”
ie OA and camp lighting when special precautions are made.
This is the ONLY time scouts can be allowed in boats without PFDs.

====================
(initial message continued)

Not near a lake? Same as above, but they walk in.

Prelight the fire (prevents embarassment), then have someone in period
dress carry in an historic US Flag, talk about it BRIEFLY then lead
the Pledge to the Flag.

Spotlight the Flag as Red Skelton’s “Pledge of Allegience” is played.
Then everyone joins in the Pledge.

Prelight the fire, then, once everyone is present, everyone joins
in an almost in control rendition of “We’re All Together Again.”

Most any Court of Honor opening can be adapted as a campfire opening.

Build your campfire program around a theme, then develop an opening
that fits.

In the pyro arena – adding a small quantity of petro-chemical to
chlorine (1-2 oz. break fluid and .5 bag powdered HTH are good)
will generate a very hot, smokey flame. It takes about 15 to
20 seconds for the reaction. There is an audible hiss several
seconds before ignition that can be used for cueing. Any number
of devices can be used to deposit the brake fluid.
CAUTION: This effect gives off a quantity of potentially harmful
gas. It should only be used when the fire is some distance from
the audience. (You should not store pool supplies and automotive
supplies near each other, either, for the same reason.)

Anything used repeatedly loses it’s power. The trick is to gather
a bag full of ideas, use them, throw out the flops and add
new ones as they come along.

There are a number of chemicals that will add color to a flame.
For example, copper sulfate adds blue-green. I’m at a loss for
the others. Any help from all you experts. You E-mail it and
I’ll post the results.
====================

~From: hellmann@hickory.cs.scarolina.edu (Douglas R Hellmann)
~Date: Mon, 8 Jun 92 12:28:02 GMT
Doug Hellmann, Eagle Scout, Asst. SM, Troop 333, Indian Waters
Council, Columbia, SC

We used to do something extremely cool at summer camp to start our
OA fires, but the camp ranger won’t let them do it any more
(for reasons you will see).

Fill a styrofoam coffee cup about 2/3 full of heavy duty break fluid
and put it down in the fire. (We also coated the fire with some
diesel fuel from the camp tractor so it would start quickly.)

Then make up some sort of ceremony that ends with someone standing
near the fire (prefereably in the back). This person then pours a
handful of hth pool cleaner into the cup of break fluid, says
something appropriate (“Let there be fire!”), and steps back
(especially if you used diesel). The hth and the break fluid
will make some popping noises and then burst into flames.

After we perfected the ceremony, it had a really great effect.
Imagine someone walking up to the fire and commanding it to light,
and then it bursts into flame! Great imagery, but of course it is
terribly dangerous.

I understand that all of those chemicals were nothing for kids
to be playing with (I wonder how anyone found out about them in
the first place!?) and as I said, the camp ranger no longer allows
this sort of stuff to go on. It might give you something to think
about though.

Another idea that someone presented as a replacement was to have
a wire strung from a tree or something else high, in such a way
that it couldn’t be seen. Then when the command comes for the
fire to be lit, something somes shooting down the wire into the
fire and lights it. Sort of like lightning or a big fire ball
or something.
====================

~From: kell@lark.jsc.nasa.gov (TED KELL)
~Date: 9 Jun 92 13:05:46 GMT

Pine ‘o Pine (a pine oil based soap) and pool shocking compound
(Calcium Hypoclorite) – dust from the last campfile makes a hell
of a bang. At my woodbadge course the staff did this. They had
the scoutmaster put on the dust. The fire went off with a bang,
blew off the scoutmasters campaign hat. First time I have ever
seen anyone teleport himself. He refused to help start anymore
campfires for the rest of the course. Be careful.
Another approach would be to have someone start the fire with one
of those fire by friction sets sold in _every_ trading post, and
used by _no one_.
Build the fire in front of the group, explaining what you are
doing as you do it. Who knows, some of it might seep into their
heads.
====================

~From: mcghee@hpscit.sc.hp.com (Glenn McGhee)
~Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1992 17:37:52 GMT
Glenn Mcghee, Assistant Scoutmaster, Troop 80 Mt. View, CA

Years ago when I was a scout, the leaders let the scouts
“take charge” of the campfire ceremony. One of the most successful
campfire lightings was done by using a 6-volt lantern battery,
an old Ford spark coil, some wire and charcoal lighter.
On command like “let there be fire” an accomplice connects the
battery to the spark coil and the spark starts the fire.
The setup….

Place the spark coil as near the fire as possible to keep
from having to un the high-voltage the wires any farther
that necessary. The coil can be hidden, out of view, in rocks
near the fire. The high-voltage wire and the return ground
wire can be buried in the dirt. Run the wires for the lantern
battery to the place where your accomplice will be and cover
the wires deep enough that no will see them or trip on them.

Use a small jar lid to hold the liquid charcoal lighter. Fill
the lid wi h paper towel and add the charcoal lighter. This
lid is placed in the center of the fire. The ground wire is
placed under the lid. There is no reason to make a good
connection to the lid because the spark from the high-voltage
wire will jump to the lid and then the ground wire. The
high-voltage wire must be placed above the lid so the spark will
jump into the paper towel and liquid charcoal lighter and thereby
light the liquid. Build a tee-pee of kindling around and over
this setup so the lid and wires are hidden. Build a log-cabin
campfire around the tee-pee. Inside the log-cabin, add more
kindling. Add about twice as much as you think you need.
The more kindling you add the faster the fire will grow.
The lighting…..

Upon command from the ceremony fire lighter, the accomplice
connects the battery to the wires and the spark coil generates
the high-voltage spark. This spark lights the liquid charcoal
lighter and the liquid will burn long enough to start the kindling.

Problems and Failures…

Failure to use the proper wire for the high-voltage.
Once use twisted “bell” wire to go from the spark coil to
the fire. The insulation broke-down and there were sparks
all along the twisted wire but none in the fire! You can use
old automobile ignition wire -BUT- remember the wire will be
distroied by the fire.

Between the time the fire was set and the time the ceremony
was to start, the high-voltage wire was no longer over the
lid and the spark jumped from the high-voltage wire to the
OUTSIDE of the lid and didn’t start the liquid charcoal lighter.

Lantern battery was nearly dead. It did work but there were
some time of helplessness before the fire started.

The spark coil was not well hidden and someone spotted it.
When the spark coil operates there is a vibrating reed that
makes noise and gives off sparks that are easily seen at night.

I STRONGLY suggest that you experment with lighting a lid of
charcoal lighting fluid before you make this setup for the
ceremony. This could save you from the embarrassment of
turning to the crowd and saying “Anyone got a match?”.
I know…..I have been there.
====================

~From: bschroeder@desire.wright.edu
~Date: 9 Jun 92 14:00:45 EST

What we have been doing was a bit safer than that. We bury
an outdoor extension cord just a couple inches underground.
We plug an old, thin extension cord into the end of the outdoor
one and make sure the junction is secure and buried. We then
ran the loose end of the cheap cord into the fire and attached
a rocked igniter on the end. We put that in a bundle of
matches, being sure the igniter touched at least one match.
Then we built the fire around that (and used a bit of kerosene
to be sure it lit). Then all we had to do was use a 6V battery
and touch the two prongs on the outdoor extension cord to the
battery terminals (the person who did this was well hidden
behind trees or whatever). Then, on command, the fire would
light. It was VERY impressive the first few times we used it,
but now it is getting a bit old. I am thinking about just
lighting it with a torch for a while, and then in a couple
years, using the wir /igniter method again…
====================
~From: wjh0265@tamsun.tamu.edu (William Hobson)
~Date: Tue, 9 Jun 1992 17:35:02 GMT

How about mixing salt peter and sugar in a 2 to 1 ratio.
You can put a big pile of it in the middle of the campfire
and string a trail of it away from the campfire and then
light the trail. It burns hot and smokey, so use caution
– it beats the heck out of gasoline. I used to use this
mixture for low cost smoke bombs as a kid. The salt peter
I used came from the drug store and was used as an animal duiretic.

====================

~From: wayne@eng.umd.edu (Wayne C. McCullough)
~Date: Wed, 10 Jun 92 18:57:38 GMT

One thing our OA group did once was use matches. No kerosene,
nothing like that. Only matches to start the fire. It went up
very quickly. Let me explain:

We bought about 20-30 boxes of matchbooks. We then built an
ignitor by taking 2 bricks, and puting a bunch of ignitors on
one of the faces of each brick. Then we stapeled a bunch of
the books together so that it formed a long row, sort of like:

+——————–+
| Brick! |
+——————–+
//////////////////// <—-ignitors
ooooooooooooooooooo Match heads
-<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Matchbooks
ooooooooooooooooooo More Match heads
\\\\\\\\\\ More ignitors
+——————–+ ( ^up)
| Other Brick! |
+——————–+

A string is tied to the matchbooks, and so when it is pulled,
a flame is started. This ignitor contraption should take about
1-2 boxes of matches. all the others spread them out loosly
around the contraption. This is a lot of matches, and should
go up quickly.

The big advantage of this is that it is safe, and can be used
at sites that prohibit kerosene and other GS water. Practice
it first tho, so you know how hard to pull the ignitor.
You only get one shot.

One important thing with all of this is to have a decent
accompanying open cerimony. Having a guy walk up and
throw a lit match into the fire can be just as impressive
if it is accompanied by the right words.
====================

~From: kdc5072@cs.rit.edu (Kevin D Colagio)
~Date: 10 Jun 92 20:37:36 GMT

An idea that I had when I worked at a camp was the following
(it was for the OA campfire…)

Put a small pile (about 2 or 3 inches around) of blackpowder in
the center of the fire wood to be. Run a small line of blackpowder
to the pile and out to a small (1 inch in diameter) pile located
on a flat rock. Put a fireing cap (used in a muzzleloader) on the
edge of the (1 inch) pile….have another "fuse" running to the
fire wood to be (we had 2 fires). At some point in the ceremony,
have someone stike the ground (the firing cap, actually) with a
"tomahawk" or other hammer like item. This would cause 2 strips
of fire to ignite the wood….(of course, the wood would have
kero or other ignitable liquid on it….)
The only problem would be if someone steps on (and breaks) a "fuse"…

====================

~From: stu@voodoo.boeing.com (Stuart Liddle)
~Date: 12 Jun 92 18:25:15 GMT

When I worked on camp staff we regularly came up with innovative
ways to start the campfire. At one camp we used to use a car
battery, flash bulb filaments and some kind of quickly combustible
material (dryer lint soaked in lighter fluid, dry tinder, etc).
There was a couple of wires buried in the ground leading from
the campfire to a point out of sight (behind some bushes) where
a staffer would touch the wires to the battery terminals causing
the filaments to flash and ignite the combustible material,
thus starting the fire as if by "magic". Now, this was coupled
with a pseudo-native American "ritual" to light the fire by
calling on the "spirits."
At another camp we started the fire with an Indian ceremony
where the "Indian" shot an arrow out into the water (our campfire
area was on a point jutting out into Puget Sound). Then the fire
was lit (I forget exactly how, doesn't really matter). Then the
first song=leader came clambering up over the rocks leading up
from the water wearing a wet-suit with the arrow in the back!
Of course he led everyone in "What do you do with a Drunken Sailor?"
;^)
This was one of the best campfire openings I've ever been involved
with.

——————————
From: anet@penumbra.West.Sun.COM (Annette Thomas)
Subject: Words to "ANNOUNCEMENTS"
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 20:33:54 EST

Does anyone out there know the words to the song "Announcements"?

~From: alee3@mach1.wlu.ca (allan lee 9207 U)

The words I remember are:

ANOUNCEMENTS, ANNOUNCEMENTS, ANNOUNCEMENTS.

A HORRIBLE DEATH TO DIE, A HORRIBLE DEATH TO DIE
A HORRIBLE DEATH TO BE BORED TO DEATH
A HORRIBLE DEATH TO DIE

ANNOUNCEMENTS, ANNOUNCEMENTS, ANNOUNCEMENTS

I'M FALLING ASLEEP ON MY FEET, I'M FALLING ASLEEP ON MY FEET
I AM FALLING ASLEEP AS HE BORES ALONG
I'M FALLING ASLEEP ON MY FEET

—————
~From: Paul_Parry@brown.edu (Paul Parry)

Here's the version I was harassed 🙂 with as a camp program director..

Announcements, Announcements, Announcements
[Paul] has got another one, another one, another one,
[Paul] has got another one he has them all the time.
Announcements, Announcements, Announcements…

We sold our cow, we sold our cow,
We have no use for your bull now, For Your Bull Now.
Announcements, Announcements, Announcements.

We love you [Paul], oh yes we do-oo.
We love you [Paul], and we'll be true
When your not with us, YA-HOOOOOO
Oh, [Paul] we love you.

I'd then say something like "If anyone is interested in a staff position,
there will be a number of openings after this meal."

—————
~From: anthropo@carina.unm.edu (Dominick V. Zurlo)

Another version that we used, and I don't remember all of the verses:
(also, each verse uses it's own original tune):

Announcements, Announcements, Announcements
When you're up you're up (all stand)
When you're down you're down (all sit)
But when you're only half-way up (half-stand)
You're neither up (stand up) or down(sit).

Announcements Announcements, Announcements
Row, row, row the boat gently down the stream,
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
we're a submarine….

Announcements Announcements, Announcements
What a terrible way to die,
a terrible way to die,
a terrible way to be talked to death,
a terrible way to die…

Announcements, Announcements, Announcements
Swing low sweet Chariot (sing this line slow, and with all the
feeling of the original)
SCRAPE!! (slight pause)

Announcements, Announcements, Announcements
Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Hoppin' down the bunny trail…
BANG!

Announcements, Announcements, Announcements.

There are many more verses along these lines, but I can't
remember them all. Happy singing….

—————
~From: pnsf01dw@UMASSD.EDU (Dennis J. Wilkinson)

I was always assaulted with this version…

A terrible death to die, a terrible death to die
A terrible death to be talked to death
A terrible death to die
Announcements, announcements, announcements, please

Row row row your boat gently down the stream
Ha ha fooled ya' I'm a submarine
Announcements, announcements, announcements, please

Mary had a little lamb little lamb little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were surprised…
Announce…. (oh, you get it…)

When Mary had a little lamb the doctors were surprised
But when Old MacDonald had a farm they couldn't beleive their eyes…

(My staff eventually figured out that it was a bit more taunting to give
just enough pause in between verses to make me or whoever think that they'd
wrapped it up… luckily, I catch on quicker than they did most of the time.

To any fledgling Program-Directorish person or Scoutmasterish person out
there… it helps to have some signal with your staff to let them know when it's
*not* a good time for this song… either don't say you're up for announcements
or have that Scout Sign at the ready…)

—————
~From: mdtanner@athena.mit.edu (Marc Tanner)

Announcements, Announcements, Annooouuncements.

[tune of "The Farmer in the Dell":]
What a terrible way to die! What a terrible way to die!
What a terrible way to be bored to death,
What a terrible way to die!

Announcements, Announcements, Annooouuncements.

[At this point, someone would stand up and do a monologue, and then
the whole group would repeat the chourus. We did as many monologues
interspersed with choruses as we could get in before the program
director made us shut up (which was in itself a hit with the campers)
Here are a sampling. Some had a tune, others were just spoken.]

[…]
Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffett
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
So she beat it over the head with a spoon.

Cow, cow, we have no cow;
We have no need for your bull now.

Spider, spider, on the wall
Haven't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see this wall's been plastered?
Can't you see, you little…spider.

—————
~From: wjturner@iastate.edu (William J Turner)

[…]
Make announcements short and sweet,
Short and sweet, short and sweet.
Make announcements short and sweet.
They're so BORING!!!

————–
~From: donm@hplsla.hp.com (Don Mathiesen)

Have you ever heard a windbag, a windbag a wingbag.
Have you ever heard a windbag. You'll here one right now.
They go this way and that way. This way and that way.
Have you ever heard a windbag. You'll here one right now.

—————
~From: susan@noaapmel.gov (Susan Collicott)

We always sang:

Announcements, announcements, announcements.
When you're up you're up,
and when you're down you're down,
and when you're only halfway up
you're neither up nor down.
Announcements, announcements, announcements.

We stood up on 'up', sat down on 'down', and stood half-way up on 'halfway up'.

——————————
From: stephen.a.mohr@cdc.com (Stephen Mohr 612-482-5634)
Subject: Words to Song "Ain't Goina Rain no More"

I've been looking all over for the words to the song "Ain't Gona Rain no More"
I have only two verses, the kids love this song. I know of another verse about
a sailor, but not all the words. This is what I do have:

[Refrain]
Oh, it ain't gona rain no more, no more
It ain't gona rain no more
How in heck can I wash my neck
if it ain't gona rain no more
[1st Verse]
A bum sat by the sewer
And by the sewer he died
And at the corners inquist
They call it sewer side
[2nd Verse]
A peanut sat on the railroad track
It's heart was all a-flutter
Along came the 415
Toot toot, peanut butter

—————
~From: pnsf01dw@UMASSD.EDU (Dennis J. Wilkinson)

How 'bout:

My father is a butcher
My mother is a cook
And I'm the little hot-dog
That runs around the brook
[Chorus]
My father built a chimney
HE built itup so high
He had to take it down each night
To let the moon go by
[Chorus]

—————
~From: DRPORTER@SUVM.SYR.EDU (Brad Porter)

My dady is a doctor,
my mommy is a nurse,
and I'm the little needle
that gets you where it hurts…

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead
and now she takes it to school
between two slices of bread…

This is a great song to sing at the opening of a rainy campfire – which for
some reason we had a lot of this year!!! Hope you find thiese useful – I've
just know them from singing them, I can't tell you where they come from.

Boy Scouts Advancement List, Getting A New Scout To 1st Class In Less Than 1 Year

BSA Advancement list — For getting all new scouts to 1st
Class in less than 1 year.

Please note — Although these things are in numeric order, they do not
have to be done in the order I have placed them. I encourage the
changing of ideas of how to complete the requirements. If you can think
of a better way to complete the requirement, use it and let me know about
it so I can update this list.

Please note – when printing this file, DOUBLE SPACE it for Easier reading

Created by Harold Stein for my Woodbadge ticket.
————————————————————-

Key:
T- Tenderfoot S- 2nd class F- 1st Class

1. When the new scouts join troop and attend 1st patrol
meeting, the TG/PL can sign off T7. (patrol name,yell
etc.)
Req. Covered — T7

2. New scout must attend scout camp at least once in their
first year of scouting. Either the summer before they
enter the troop or the summer after. The scouts who
attend the summer before must attend the first year
program. S7 and part of F9 are covered by the swim tag
test.
Req. Covered — S7, part of F9 (scouts who attended scout
camp only!!!)

3. 1 day trip to your local park before the 1st camp-out
(usually Sept) – to show new scouts how to set up and
take down tents. At the same time a few knots and
lashings can be taught to them. If time allows, do the
exercises for T9a. To cover the camp gadget
requirement, have scouts use the lashings to make a
chin-up bar. Also show the scout the poisonous and
regular local plants –Poison Ivy is a must. For the
poisonous plants, tell how to treat for exposure. If
wanted, (and allowed by park) bring in supplies for
making a hot lunch on the site. All new scouts must
help cook and clean up.
Req. covered — T9a, T3a+b, T10, S2d, F6

4. Repeat T9a 1 month after day trip.
Req. covered — T9b

5. At troop meeting – go over requirements dealing with 1st
aid as a lecture. The information in req T11a+b, and
S6a+c F8a,b,c+d should be able to make 1 long lecture.
Hold a competition on the skills. First aid Mb should
be encouraged.
Req. covered — T11a+b, S6a+c, F8a,b,c+d.
6. At patrol meetings, PL/TG can go over/discuss T4, T5, T6,
T8 with the new scouts.
Req. covered — T4, T5, T6, T8

7. Attend Sept. camp-out (if joined after Sept. do skills at
first opportunity) Teach all scouts who need it Tot-n-
Chip and Fire-n-Chip.
Req. Covered — T1, T2, S2b, S2c, S2e

All of the Requirements for Tenderfoot have been covered in
the above list. All the scout needs to do is show scout
spirit, Sm conference, and Board of Review.

8. Scout must attend 2 more camp-outs.
Req. covered — S2a, F3.

9. At patrol meeting(s), the PL/TG can discuss requirements
S1a, S5, S6b. Note S6b must be taken on the next
possible hike. (The hike required by S1b counts.)
Req. covered — S1a, S5, S6b (to signed on hike (S6b only))

10. A troop trip of a day hike using a compass and a map
covers the requirement for S1b.
Req Covered — S1b.

11. At as many as needed troop meetings, the new scout
patrol (Brat Patrol) will do the openings and closing
until all of the scouts have a chance to take part in 1
opening and 1 closing.
Req. Covered — S3.

12. Troop must hold a service project and new scout must
serve for at least one hour on this project.
Req. Covered — S4.

13. On the assumption that the scout participate in a drug
awareness program in school they can be signed off for
the requirement in S8. If this is not occurring in
schools, have a guest speaker/one of the adults do a
lecture with the scouts about the items listed in S8.
An option that can be decided by the troop is to do
both.
Req. Covered — S8.

14. Hold a troop drowning (Troop swim) over at the local
public pool/swimming hole. The Brat patrol and and
other under 2nd class scouts can do the swimming
required for S7 and for F9. Scouts must use buddy
system at all times.
Req. Covered — S7, F9.

All of the requirements for Second Class have been
covered in the above list. All the scout needs to do is show
scout spirit, Sm conference, and Board of Review.
15. At patrol meeting(s), PL/TG can go over the requirements
for F1, F7a, F8a.
Req. Covered — F1, F7a, F8a.

16. At a troop meeting, a lecture can be on the knots
required by F7a, T3b, F8a.
Req Covered — F7a, T3b, F8a.

17. On a camp-out, the scouts/patrol can cover the
requirements in F2, F7a, F7b, F4, F6. Note for
requirement F4 the cook for each meal must not be the
same. This will give all of the scouts a chance to
cook. The TG/PL is only allowed to act as assistant.
Req. covered — F2, F7a+b, F4, F6

18. Req. F5 is covered in school. (At least that’s how we
were signing it off at scout camp summer ’91)
Req. Covered — F5

19. Troop trip to the local fire house with a demonstration
of the smoke house. At my local fire house, a smoke
house was built as an eagle project. Plans can be
obtained by writing to — Hauppauge Fire Department,
Hauppauge, Ny 11788

Req. covered — F8c.

All of the requirements for First Class have been covered
in the above list. All the scout needs to do is show scout
spirit, Sm conference, and Board of Review.

Any scout that has earned the Arrow of Light has completed
the following requirements —

All requirements for the rank of scout. Also T5 and F5.

=============================================================

I would like any and all feedback on this list. If you
use only some of the ideas. Let me know how well they worked
out. This is an untested group of ideas.

If you use my ideas and they work out well for you and
your troop, please send me — Your name, position, council,
troop #, COMMENTS, where you got this file from, any Scouting
BBS’s you know of, and a OA pocket flap or a council strip
from your council. If you have a better way to complete the
requirements than I have though up. Tell me and I’ll
consider it for the next version.

If this list of ideas does not work out well for you and
your troop, please tell me why not. If you have a better
way to complete the requirements than I have though up. Tell
me and I’ll consider it for the next version. Also, please
send me — Your name, position, council, troop #, and
COMMENTS, where you got this file from, and any Scouting
BBS’s you know of.

Even if you do not want to give me any information,
please let me know what you think of this list. Feedback is
the one thing that I need to make this better for your usage.

Harold Stein
674 Town Line Rd. Hauppauge, Ny 11788
Asm. Troop 343 Suffolk County Council

All ranks are copyrighted by the BSA. The requirements are
in the 10th edition of the handbook.

Version 1.0 August 1991 — List created, wording edited for
1st release.
Version 1.01 October 1991 — Editing complete. Released to public.

Version 1.02 November 1991 — Corrected contact means. Prodigy works at
school.

Version 1.03 January 1992 — Minor editing to file, printing comment added.

Compuserve — 72377,3075 write via Email or Outdoors forum Section 2.
Prodigy — KPVP84C

If you are a patch trader, I trade patches. Mail rate
is 1 for 1 only! Thank you, Harold Stein

Most common question —

Q. Permision to copy and share this list with others?
A. YES. Please do!

X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven

& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560

“Raw Data for Raw Nerves”
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X

The Frequently Questioned Answers (alt.skeptic FAQ) (July 23, 1993)

From: paj@uk.co.gec-mrc (Paul Johnson)
Date: 23 Jul 93 12:26:24 GMT
Newsgroups: sci.skeptic,sci.answers,news.answers
Subject: sci.skeptic FAQ: The Frequently Questioned Answers

Archive-name: skeptic-faq
Last-modified: 93/07/23
Version: @(#)skeptic-faq.text 1.11

The Frequently Questioned Answers
=================================

Introduction
============

This is the sci.skeptic FAQ. It is intended to provide a factual base
for most of the commonly discussed topics on sci.skeptic.
Unfortunately I don’t have much time to do this in, and anyway a FAQ
should be the Distilled Wisdom of the Net rather than just My Arrogant
Opinion, so I invite submissions and let all the net experts out there
fill in the details. Submissions from any point of view and on any
sci.skeptic topic are welcomed, but please keep them short and to the
point. The ideal submission is a short summary with one or two
references to other literature. I have added comments in square
brackets where I think more information is particularly needed, but
don’t let that stop you sending something else.

Many FAQs, including this one, are available on the archive site
rtfm.mit.edu in the directory pub/usenet/news.answers. The name under
which a FAQ is archived appears in the Archive-name line at the top of
the article. This FAQ is archived as skeptic-faq.

In general it is not very useful to criticise areas of the FAQ as “not
explaining it properly”. If you want to see something changed then
please write a submission which explains it better. Grammar and
spelling corrections are always welcome though.

If you are reading this with a newsreader and want to follow up on
something, please copy the question to the subject line. This is more
informative than a reference to the entire FAQ.

Please mail submissions and comments to . If that
bounces, try , which explicitly routes
your email via the UK backbone.

This is in no way an “official” FAQ. I am a computer scientist by
profession and deeply skeptical of paranormal claims (although I may
include some pro-paranormal arguments here). If anyone else with a
less skeptical point of view wants to start a FAQ list, please feel
free. I certainly can’t stop you.

Disclaimer: The opinions in this article are not necessarily those of
GEC.

Other Topics
============

Please send in contact addresses for local skeptics organisations not
listed in section 0.11.

Credits
=======

Thanks to all the people who have sent me submissions and comments.
There isn’t enough room to thank everyone individually, but some of
the more major contributors are listed here:

York H. Dobyns provided carbon 14
dating information, notes about current psi researchers and other
useful comments.

Dendrochronology information came from .

The questions “What are UFOs?” and “Are crop circles made by flying
saucers?” were answered by Chris Rutkowski

Ken Shirriff provided information on
perpetual motion machines, Leidenfrost reference and the AIDS section.

Robert Sheaffer sent information about Philip
Klass and UFO abductions.

The Ezekiel information comes from a posting by John Baskette
.

John Boyd provided skeptical references on acupuncture.

Eric Raymond contributed an explanation of the
“paranormalist” point of view for item 0.7, along with information on
acupuncture, the origin of life, and the CIA AIDS theory.

Kirlian photography information was paraphrased from an article by
Dave Palmer .

Cold reading information came from an article by Pope Charles
.

Todd Stark sent information on acupuncture
analgesia.

Geoff Lane provided
the article and references on Tunguska.

Contents
========

A `*’ indicates a new or rewritten entry. A `+’ indicates an altered
entry.

Background
———-
0.1: What is sci.skeptic for?
0.2: What is sci.skeptic not for?
0.3: What is CSICOP? Whats their address?
0.4: What is “Prometheus”?
0.5: Who are some prominent skeptics? +
0.6: Aren’t all skeptics just closed-minded bigots?
0.6.1: Why are skeptics so keen to rubbish fringe ideas? *
0.6.2: How do we know Randi is honest? *
0.7: Aren’t all paranormalists just woolly-minded fools?
0.7.1: Why don’t skeptics challenge religions? *
0.8: What is a “conspiracy theory”?
0.9: What is “cold reading?”
0.10: Is there a list of logical fallacies?
0.11: What local skeptics organisations are there? *

The Scientific Method
———————

1.1: What is the scientific method?
1.2: What is the difference between a fact, a theory and a hypothesis? +
1.3: Can science ever really prove anything?
1.4: If scientific theories keep changing, where is the Truth?
1.5: What evidence is needed for an extraordinary claim?
1.6: What is Occam’s Razor?
1.7: Galileo was persecuted, just like researchers into today.
1.8: What is the “Experimenter effect”.
1.9: How much fraud is there in science?
1.9.1: Did Mendel fudge his results?

Psychic Powers
————–

2.1: Is Uri Geller for real?
2.2: I have had a psychic experience.
2.3: What is “sensory leakage”?
2.4: Who are the main psi researchers?
2.5: Does dowsing work?
2.6: Could psi be inhibited by the presence of skeptics?
2.7: Why don’t the skeptics test the *real* psychics?

UFOs/Flying Saucers
——————-
3.1 What are UFOs?
3.1.1: Are UFOs alien spacecraft?
3.1.2: Are UFOs natural phenomena?
3.1.3: But isn’t it possible that aliens are visiting Earth?
3.2: Is it true that the US government has a crashed flying saucer?
(MJ-12)?
3.3: What is “channeling”?
3.4: How can we test a channeller?
3.5: I am in telepathic contact with the aliens.
3.6: Some bozo has just posted a load of “teachings” from a UFO. What
should I do?
3.7: Are crop circles made by flying saucers?
3.7.1: Are crop circles made by “vortices”?
3.7.2: Are crop circles made by hoaxers?
3.7.3: Are crop circles radioactive?
3.7.4: What about cellular changes in plants within crop circles?
3.8: Have people been abducted by UFOs?
3.9: What is causing the strange cattle deaths?
3.10: What is the face on Mars?
3.11: Did Ezekiel See a Flying Saucer?
3.12: What happened at Tunguska?

Faith Healing and Alternative Therapies
—————————————

4.1: Isn’t western medicine reductionistic and alternatives holistic?
4.2: What is a double-blind trial? What is a placebo?
4.3: Why should scientific criteria apply to alternative therapies?
4.4: What is homeopathy?
4.5: What is aromatherapy?
4.6: What is reflexology?
4.7: Does acupuncture work?
4.8: What about psychic surgery?
4.9: What is Crystal Healing?
4.10: Does religious healing work?
4.11: What harm does it do anyway?

Creation versus Evolution
————————-

5.1: Is the Bible evidence of anything?
5.2: Could the Universe have been created old?
5.3: What about Carbon-14 dating?
5.4: What is “dendrochronology”?
5.5: What is evolution? Where do I find out more?
5.6: “The second law of thermodynamics says….”
5.7: How could living organisms arise “by chance”?
5.8: But doesn’t the human body seem to be well designed?
5.9: What about the thousands of scientists who have become Creationists?
5.10: Is the speed of light decreasing?
5.11: What about Velikovsky?

Fire-walking
———–

6.1: Is fire-walking possible?
6.2: Can science explain fire-walking?

New Age
——-

7.1: What do New Agers believe?
7.2: What is the Gaia hypothesis?
7.3: Was Nostradamus a prophet? +
7.4: Does astrology work?
7.4.1: Could astrology work by gravity?
7.4.2: What is the `Mars Effect’?
7.5: What is Kirlian photography?

Strange Machines: Free Energy and Anti-Gravity
———————————————-

8.1: Why don’t electrical perpetul motion machines work?
8.2: Why don’t magnetic perpetual motion machines work?
8.3: Why don’t mechanical perpetual motion machines work?
8.4: Magnets can levitate. Where is the energy from?
8.5: But its been patented!
8.6: The oil companies are conspiring to suppress my invention!
8.7: My machine gets its free energy from
8.8: Can gyroscopes neutralise gravity?
8.9: My prototype gets lighter when I turn it on

AIDS
—-

9.1: What about these theories on AIDS?
9.1.1: The Mainstream Theory
9.1.2: Strecker’s CIA Theory
9.1.3: Duesberg’s Risk-Group Theory

———————————————————————-

Background
==========

0.1: What is sci.skeptic for?
—————————–

[Did anyone save the Charter? PAJ]

Sci.skeptic is for those who are skeptical about claims of the
paranormal to meet with those who believe in the paranormal. In this
way the paranormalists can expose their ideas to scientific scrutiny,
and if there is anything in these ideas then the skeptics might learn
something.

However this is a very wide area, and some of the topics covered might
be better kept in their own newsgroups. In particular the evolution
vs. creation debate is best kept in talk.origins. General New Age
discussions belong in talk.religion.newage. Strange “Heard it on the
grapevine” stories belong on alt.folklore.urban, which discusses such
things as vanishing hitchhikers and the Everlasting Lightbulb
conspiracy. Serious conspiracy theories should be kept on
alt.conspiracy, and theories about the assassination of President
Kennedy should be kept on alt.conspiracy.jfk. CROSS-POSTING from
these groups is NOT APPRECIATED by the majority of sci.skeptic
readers.

The discussion of a topic in this FAQ is not an attempt to have the
final word on the subject. It is simply intended to answer a few
common questions and provide a basis for discussion of common topics.

0.2: What is sci.skeptic not for?
———————————

The scope of sci.skeptic extends into any area where hard evidence can
be obtained, but does not extend into speculation. So religious
arguments about the existence of God are out of place here (take them
to alt.atheism or talk.religion.*). On the other hand discussion
about miracles is to be welcomed, since this is an issue where
evidence can be obtained.

Topics that have their own groups should be taken to the appropriate
group. See the previous answer for a partial list.

Also out of place are channelled messages from aliens. If your
channelled message contains testable facts then post those. Otherwise
we are simply not interested. Take it to alt.alien.visitors.

The posting of large articles (>200 lines) is not a way to persuade
people. See the section on “closed minded skeptics” below for some
reasons for this. I suggest you summarise the article and offer to
mail copies to anyone who is interested.

Sci.skeptic is not an abuse group. There is a regrettable tendency
for polite discussion here to degenerate into ad-hominem flames about
who said what to whom and what they meant. PLEASE DO NOT FLAME. You
won’t convince anyone. Rather the opposite.

0.3: What is CSICOP? What is its address?
——————————————

CSICOP stands for the “Committee for the Scientific Investigation of
Claims Of the Paranormal”. They publish a quarterly magazine called
“The Skeptical Inquirer”. Their address is:

Skeptical Inquirer,
Box 703,
Buffalo, NY 14226-9973.

Tel. 716-636-1425 voice, 716-636-1733 fax.

Note that this is a new address.

0.4: What is “Prometheus”?
————————–

Prometheus Books is a publisher specialising in skeptical books.
Their address is:

Prometheus Books
700 Amherst Street
Buffalo, NY 14215-9918

0.5: Who are some prominent skeptics?
————————————-

James “The Amazing” Randi is a professional stage magician who spends
much time and money debunking paranormal claims. He used to offer a
reward of $100,000 to anyone who can demonstrate paranormal powers
under controlled conditions, but has had to exhaust that fund to pay
legal expenses in the series of lawsuits that have been brought
against him since 1988. Currently, he can offer only a $10,000
promissory note. Anyone who wants to contribute to his defense can do
so via:

The James Randi Fund
c/o Robert Steiner, CPA
P.O. Box 659
El Cerrito, CA 94530

The lawsuit by Geller against Randi is still going on. There is a
mailing list for updates on the situation, which originates from the
account . [To subscribe, you should probably
send mail to .]

Martin Gardner is an author, mathematician and amateur stage magician
who has written several books dealing with paranormal phenomena,
including “Science: Good, Bad and Bogus” and “Fads and Fallacies in
the Name of Science”.

Philip J. Klass retired after thirty-five years as a Senior Editor of
“Aviation Week and Space Technology” magazine, specializing in
avionics. He is a founding fellow of CSICOP, and was named a Fellow of
the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE). He has
won numerous awards for his technical journalism. His principal books
are:

UFO Abductions, A Dangerous Game (Prometheus, 1988)

UFOs, The Public Deceived (Prometheus, 1983)

UFOs Explained (Random House, 1974)

Susan Blackmore holds a Ph.D in parapsychology, but in the course of her
Ph.D research she became increasingly disillusioned and is now highly
skeptical of paranormal claims.

Ray Hyman is a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon.
He is one of the major external, skeptical critics of parapsychology.
In 1986, he and parapsychologist Charles Honorton engaged in a
detailed exchange about Honorton’s ganzfeld experiments and
statistical analysis of his results which was published in the Journal
of Parapsychology. A collection of Hyman’s work may be found in his
book The Elusive Quarry: A Scientific Appraisal of Psychical Research,
1989, Prometheus. This includes “Proper Criticism”, an influential
piece on how skeptics should engage in criticism, and “‘Cold Reading’:
How to Convince Strangers that You Know All About Them.”

James Alcock is a professor of psychology at York University in
Toronto. He is the author of the books Parapsychology: Science
or Magic?, 1981, Pergamon, and Science and Supernature: A Critical
Appraisal of Parapsychology, 1990, Prometheus.

Joe Nickell is a former private investigator, a magician, and
an English instructor at the University of Kentucky. He is the
author of numerous books on paranormal subjects, including Inquest
on the Shroud of Turin, 1982, Prometheus. He specializes in
investigating individual cases in great detail, but has recently
done some more general work, critiquing crop circles, spontaneous
human combustion, and psychic detectives.

Isaac Asimov wrote a great deal on skeptical issues. He had a regular
column in _Fantasy and Science Fiction_, and collections of essays
from it have been published. Some of these essays are on assorted
crackpottery, like UFO’s, Velikovsky, creationism, and so forth. They
have titles like “Worlds in Confusion” (Velikovsky), “Look Long upon a
Monkey” (creationism), “Armies of the Night” (crackpottery in
general), “The Rocketing Dutchmen” (UFO’s), and so forth.; these are
usually on a rather general sort of level.

Marcello Truzzi was one of the founders of CSICOP, but broke away from
the organisation when it became to “dry” for him (see section 0.6.1 on
wet vs. dry skeptics). He now publishes the “Zetetic Inquirer” on an
occasional basis. He can be contacted at the Dept. of Sociology,
Eastern Michigan University, Ypsilanti, MI 48197, or at P.O. Box 1052,
Ann Arbor, MI 48106. [Does anyone know if this address is still good?
PAJ]

[Can someone supply me with potted biographies and publication lists
of these and other people? PAJ]

0.6: Aren’t all skeptics just closed-minded bigots?
—————————————————

People who have failed to convince skeptics often say “Well all
skeptics are just closed-minded bigots who won’t listen to me!”. This
is not true. Skeptics pay close attention to the evidence. If you
have no evidence then you will get nowhere.

Unfortunately life is short. Most of us have better things to do than
investigate yet another bogus claim. Some paranormal topics,
especially psi research and UFOlogy, produce vast quantities of low
grade evidence. In the past people have investigated such evidence
carefully, but it always seems to evaporate when anyone looks at it
closely. Hence skeptics should be forgiven for not bothering to
investigate yet another piece of low grade evidence before rejecting
it.

Issac Asimov has suggested a triage process which divides scientific
claims into three groups: mundane, unusual and bullshit [my terms].
As an example, a claim that “I have 10kg of salt in my lab” is pretty
mundane. No-one would disbelieve me, but they wouldn’t be very
interested. A claim that “I have 10kg of gold in my lab” would
probably result in mild disbelief and requests to have a look.
Finally a claim that “I have 10kg of Einsteinium in my lab” would be
greeted with cries of “Bullshit!”.

Of course there are some who substitute flaming and rhetoric for
logical argument. We all lose our temper sometimes.

0.6.1: Why are skeptics so keen to rubbish fringe ideas?
——————————————————–

Skeptics vary on the attitude they take towards a new fringe idea,
varying from the “wet” to the “dry”. The question of which attitude
is better is very much a live issue in the skeptical community. Here
is a brief summary of the two extremes:

DRY: There is no reason to treat these people seriously. Anyone with
half an ounce of sense can see that their ideas are completely
bogus. Time spent trying to “understand their ideas” and
“examine their evidence” beyond that necessary for debunking is
wasted time, and life is short. Furthermore, such behaviour
lends them respectibility. If we take them seriously, so will
other people. We must ridicule their ideas so that others will
see how silly they are. “One belly laugh is worth a thousand
syllogisms” (Martin Gardner).

WET: If we lay into these people without giving them a fair hearing
then we run two risks:
1: We might miss someone who is actually right. History contains
many examples.
2: We give them a weapon against us. Ad-hominem attacks and
sloppy logic bring us down to their level. If we are truly
the rational, scientific people we claim to be then we should
ask for their evidence, and then pronounce our considered
opinion of it.

The two extremes are perhaps personified by Martin Gardner (dry) and
Marcello Truzzi (wet). Note that no particular judgement is attached
to these terms. They are just handy labels.

People who read articles by dry skeptics often get the impression that
skeptics are as pig-headed as any fundamentalist or stage psychic. I
think that this is a valid criticism of some skeptics on the dry end.
However, an article which ridicules fringe beliefs may also contain
sound logic based on careful investigation. As always, you have to
read carefully, distinguish logic from rhetoric, and then make a
judgement.

0.6.2: How do we know Randi is honest?
————————————–

Randi has offered a large prize to anyone who can demonstrate
paranormal powers under controlled conditions. He also has a lot of
professional prestige tied up in his self-appointed role of psychic
debunker. This leads to allegations that if he ever did find a
genuine psychic then he would lie rather than lose so much money and
prestige.

When Randi tests psychic claims, he is always very careful to agree
with the claimant before the test exactly what the conditions will be.
The test will proceed only if both he and the claimant agree that this
will be a fair test of the claim. The conditions usually involve
video tapes and independant witnesses specifically to rule out
cheating by either side.

On one occasion Randi did agree that the claimant had passed the test.
Arthur G. Lintgen claimed an ability to identify LP records without
labels. Randi tested him, and found that he could in fact do this by
reading the patterns of loud and quiet in the groove. Lintgen did not
get Randi’s reward because he had not demonstrated (or claimed) any
paranormal ability.

0.7: Aren’t all paranormalists just woolly-minded fools?
——————————————————–

[The following was contributed by Eric Raymond ]

Some `paranormalists’ are people who fully agree with the scientific
method and scientific cosmology, but who are also trying to deal with
personal experiences or abilities that do not presently seem to fit
accepted scientific theory. The honest skeptic should recognize that
not all paranormalists are supernaturalists.

The honest skeptic should also recognize that some phenomena formerly
thought of as `paranormal’ are now within the purview of science. The
classic example is meteorites; more recent ones include the remarkable
somatic-control abilities of advanced yogis, the physiological
mechanisms behind acupuncture and acupressure, and healing by laying
on of hands (now widely taught in mainstream nursing schools as
`therapeutic touch’).

To assume uncritically that all paranormalists are simply flakes risks
foreclosing future advances of the same kind. And there may be some
doozies waiting in the wings. Recent experiments in computer analysis
of EEG/EMG patterns, for example, strongly suggest that mental
telepathy is at least *possible in principle* between speakers of the
same language (though it has not been demonstrated to occur).

Thus, the honest skeptic owes it to him/herself to remember that the
flakiness and credulity of *some* paranormalists does not imply the
insanity of *all*.

0.7.1: Why don’t skeptics debunk religions?
——————————————-

Skeptics aim to debunk false claims and silly theories by using the
*evidence*. The question of whether God exists is not one for which
evidence is available, and so skeptics tend to treat it as a private
matter. When someone claims to have evidence (such as a miraculous
healing) then skeptics are as ready to test this claim as they are any
other.

Most skeptics agree that it is perfectly possible to be a skeptic
about paranormal claims but still honestly believe in God. Martin
Gardner is a “dry” skeptic and one of the founders of CSICOP. He also
believes in a personal god and describes himself as a “philosophical
theist”.

Most skeptics tend to take an “agnostic-atheist” attitude, assuming
that God does not exist until evidence to the contrary turns up.

If you are interested in organisations that oppose religion in general
then see the alt.atheism FAQ “Atheist Resources” for a list of atheist
and humanist organisations.

0.8: What is a Conspiracy Theory?
———————————

There are two general categories of conspiracy theory: Grand and
Petty.

A Grand conspiracy theory is a belief that there is a large-scale
conspiracy by those in power to mislead and/or control the rest of the
world. Consider the following example:

There is a conspiracy amongst the computer programmers to
control the world. They are only allowing the public to have
simple machines, while they control the really powerful ones.
There is a computer in they call “The Beast”. It has
records about everyone. They use this information to
manipulate the politicians and businessmen who ostensibly rule
the world into doing their will. The Beast was prophesied in
the Book of Revelation.

Grand conspiracy theories divide the world into three groups. The
Conspirators, the Investigators, and the Dupes. Conspirators have a
vast secret. The Investigators have revealed parts of the conspiracy,
but much is still secret. Investigators are always in great danger of
being silenced by Conspirators. Dupes are just the rest of us. Often
the Conspirators show a mixture of incredible subtlety and stunning
stupidity.

Evidence produced by the Investigators is always either circumstantial
or evaporates when looked at carefully. The theories can never be
disproved, since any evidence to the contrary can be dismissed as
having been planted by the Conspirators. If you spend any time or
effort digging into the evidence produced by Investigators then you
will be labelled a Conspirator yourself. Of course, nothing a
Conspirator says can be believed.

Petty conspiracy theories are smaller than the Grand variety, and
sometimes turn out to be true. Watergate and “Arms for Hostages”
episodes both started life as Petty conspiracy theories. Just because
a theory involves a conspiracy does not make that theory false. The
main difference between Grand and Petty Conspiracy Theories is the
number of alleged conspirators. Grand Conspiracy Theories require
thousands or even millions.

[Since this FAQ was first posted I have heard that the Beast computer
is in Holland and that you can be saved by converting to a particular
cult. In addition the cult claims that every product bar code
includes three 6 digits as frame markers, hence 666, the number of the
beast. In fact this is not true, and even if it were it would not
fulfill the prophecy in Revelation. Meanwhile the cult members were
*meant* to rise up to heaven on 29/10/92 but very embarrassingly
didn’t. The Korean founder was also discovered to have bought millions
of $ worth of stocks and bonds which didn’t mature until 1995, and was
convicted of fraud.]

0.9: What is “cold reading”?
—————————-

[From a posting by Pope Charles ]

Cold reading is the technique of saying little general things and
watching a persons reactions. As one goes from very general to more
specific things, one notes the reaction and uses it as a giude ti find
out what to say. Also there are stock phrases that sound like
statements but are really questions. If these subtle questions evoke
answers, these answers are used as a basis for the next round of
statements.

Many people get involved in various things like this because of their
interest in the usual things, health, love, sex, ect. One can
develope a set of stock questions and statements that will elicit
positive responses fom 90% of your ‘clients’.

In the hands of an expert, these simple techniques can be frightening
almost. But they are simple things. Of course a paintbrush and a
canvass are simple things too. It all depends on skill and talent for
these things.

One can learn these things coldbloodedly knowing them as the tricks
they are, or as probably most use them, learned at the feet of other
practitioners as it were by rote, and developed by practice and
adapted to the tastes of the reader and his or her sitters. As
skeptics have pointed out, it is the best cold readers that make the
best Tarot Readers, Astrologers, Palm Readers, or what have you.

If your library is lucky enough to have it, Check The Zetetic, (later
renamed Skeptical Inquirer), Vol. 1, #2 Summer 1977 “Cold Reading: How
to convince strangers you know all about them” by Ray Hyman.

These techniques are not confined to the occult world by any means.
Religous workers, salesmen and the like use the principles to build
rapport with people.

0.10: Is there a list of logical fallacies?
——————————————-

A complete list of formal and informal logical fallacies is posted by
Mathew as part of his excellent alt.atheism FAQ
file series. This should be read carefully by anyone wishing to
construct a logical argument to support their position on any group.

For those who want more information, “The Book of the Fallacy” by
Madsen Pirie covers the same ground in more detail.

Formal and informal statistical fallacies are dealt with in the book
“How To Lie With Statistics” by Darrell Huff. I strongly recommend
this one.

0.11: What local skeptics organisations are there?
————————————————–

[Contact addresses please]

Australian Skeptics “The Skeptic”, P.O. Box 475,
PO Box E324 Manchester,
St. James M60 2TH,
Sydney U.K.
NSW 2000

The Scientific Method
=====================

1.1: What is the “scientific method”?
————————————-

The scientific method is the best way yet discovered for winnowing
the truth from lies and delusion. The simple version looks something
like this:

1: Observe some aspect of the universe.
2: Invent a theory that is consistent with what you have
observed.
3: Use the theory to make predictions.
4: Test those predictions by experiments or further
observations.
5: Modify the theory in the light of your results.
6: Go to step 3.

This leaves out the co-operation between scientists in building
theories, and the fact that it is impossible for every scientist to
independently do every experiment to confirm every theory. Because
life is short, scientists have to trust other scientists. So a
scientist who claims to have done an experiment and obtained certain
results will usually be believed, and most people will not bother to
repeat the experiment.

Experiments do get repeated as part of other experiments. Most
scientific papers contain suggestions for other scientists to follow
up. Usually the first step in doing this is to repeat the earlier
work. So if a theory is the starting point for a significant amount
of work then the initial experiments will get replicated a number of
times.

Some people talk about “Kuhnian paradigm shifts”. This refers to the
observed pattern of the slow extension of scientific knowledge with
occasional sudden revolutions. This does happen, but it still follows
the steps above.

Many philosophers of science would argue that there is no such thing
as *the* scientific method.

1.2: What is the difference between a fact, a theory and a hypothesis?
———————————————————————-

In popular usage, a theory is just a vague and fuzzy sort of fact.
But to a scientist a theory is a conceptual framework that *explains*
existing facts and predicts new ones. For instance, today I saw the
Sun rise. This is a fact. This fact is explained by the theory that
the Earth is round and spins on its axis while orbiting the sun. This
theory also explains other facts, such as the seasons and the phases
of the moon, and allows me to make predictions about what will happen
tomorrow.

This means that in some ways the words “fact” and “theory” are
interchangeable. The organisation of the solar system, which I used as
a simple example of a theory, is normally considered to be a fact that
is explained by Newton’s theory of gravity. And so on.

A hypothesis is a tentative theory that has not yet been tested.
Typically, a scientist devises a hypothesis and then sees if it “holds
water” by testing it against available data. If the hypothesis does
hold water, the scientist declares it to be a theory.

1.3: Can science ever really prove anything?
——————————————–

Yes and no. It depends on what you mean by “prove”.

For instance, there is little doubt that an object thrown into the air
will come back down (ignoring spacecraft for the moment). One could
make a scientific observation that “Things fall down”. I am about to
throw a stone into the air. I use my observation of past events to
predict that the stone will come back down. Wow – it did!

But next time I throw a stone, it might not come down. It might
hover, or go shooting off upwards. So not even this simple fact has
been really proved. But you would have to be very perverse to claim
that the next thrown stone will not come back down. So for ordinary
everyday use, we can say that the theory is true.

You can think of facts and theories (not just scientific ones, but
ordinary everyday ones) as being on a scale of certainty. Up at the
top end we have facts like “things fall down”. Down at the bottom we
have “the Earth is flat”. In the middle we have “I will die of heart
disease”. Some scientific theories are nearer the top than others,
but none of them ever actually reach it. Skepticism is usually
directed at claims that contradict facts and theories that are very
near the top of the scale. If you want to discuss ideas nearer the
middle of the scale (that is, things about which there is real debate
in the scientific community) then you would be better off asking on
the appropriate specialist group.

1.4: If scientific theories keep changing, where is the Truth?
————————————————————–

In 1666 Isaac Newton proposed his theory of gravitation. This was one
of the greatest intellectual feats of all time. The theory explained
all the observed facts, and made predictions that were later tested
and found to be correct within the accuracy of the instruments being
used. As far as anyone could see, Newton’s theory was the Truth.

During the nineteenth century, more accurate instruments were used to
test Newton’s theory, and found some slight discrepancies (for
instance, the orbit of Mercury wasn’t quite right). Albert Einstein
proposed his theories of Relativity, which explained the newly
observed facts and made more predictions. Those predictions have now
been tested and found to be correct within the accuracy of the
instruments being used. As far as anyone can see, Einstein’s theory
is the Truth.

So how can the Truth change? Well the answer is that it hasn’t. The
Universe is still the same as it ever was, and Newton’s theory is as
true as it ever was. If you take a course in physics today, you will
be taught Newton’s Laws. They can be used to make predictions, and
those predictions are still correct. Only if you are dealing with
things that move close to the speed of light do you need to use
Einstein’s theories. If you are working at ordinary speeds outside of
very strong gravitational fields and use Einstein, you will get
(almost) exactly the same answer as you would with Newton. It just
takes longer because using Einstein involves rather more maths.

One other note about truth: science does not make moral judgements.
Anyone who tries to draw moral lessons from the laws of nature is on
very dangerous ground. Evolution in particular seems to suffer from
this. At one time or another it seems to have been used to justify
Nazism, Communism, and every other -ism in between. These
justifications are all completely bogus. Similarly, anyone who says
“evolution theory is evil because it is used to support Communism” (or
any other -ism) has also strayed from the path of Logic.

1.5: What evidence is needed for an extraordinary claim?
——————————————————–

Extraordinary evidence.

An extraordinary claim is one that contradicts a fact that is close
to the top of the certainty scale discussed above. So if you are
trying to contradict such a fact, you had better have facts available
that are even higher up the certainty scale.

1.6: What is Occam’s Razor?
—————————

Ockham’s Razor (“Occam” is a Latinised variant) is the principle
proposed by William of Ockham in the fifteenth century that
“Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate”, which translates as
“entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily”. Various other
rephrasings have been incorrectly attributed to him. In more modern
terms, if you have two theories which both explain the observed facts
then you should use the simplest until more evidence comes along. See
W.M. Thorburn, “The Myth of Occam’s Razor,” _Mind_ 27:345-353 (1918)
for a detailed study of what Ockham actually wrote and what others
wrote after him.

The reason behind the razor is that for any given set of facts there
are an infinite number of theories that could explain them. For
instance, if you have a graph with four points in a line then the
simplest theory that explains them is a linear relationship, but you
can draw an infinite number of different curves that all pass through
the four points. There is no evidence that the straight line is the
right one, but it is the simplest possible solution. So you might as
well use it until someone comes along with a point off the straight
line.

Also, if you have a few thousand points on the line and someone
suggests that there is a point that is off the line, it’s a pretty
fair bet that they are wrong.

A related rule, which can be used to slice open conspiracy theories, is
Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which can be
adequately explained by stupidity”. See the Jargon File (edited by
Eric Raymond) for more details.

1.7: Galileo was persecuted, just like researchers into today.
——————————————————————

People putting forward extraordinary claims often refer to Galileo as
an example of a great genius being persecuted by the establishment for
heretical theories. They claim that the scientific establishment is
afraid of being proved wrong, and hence is trying to suppress the
truth.

This is a classic conspiracy theory. The Conspirators are all those
scientists who have bothered to point out flaws in the claims put
forward by the researchers.

The usual rejoinder to someone who says “They laughed at Columbus,
they laughed at Galileo” is to say “And they also laughed at Bozo the
Clown”. (From Carl Sagan, “Broca’s Brain”, Coronet 1980, p79).

Incidentally, stories about the persecution of Galileo Galilei and the
ridicule Christopher Columbus had to endure should be taken with a
grain of salt.

During the early days of Galileo’s theory church officials were
interested and sometimes supportive, even though they had yet to find
a way to incorporate it into theology. His main adversaries were
established scientists – since he was unable to provide HARD proofs
they didn’t accept his model. Galileo became more agitated, declared
them ignorant fools and publicy stated that his model was the correct
one, thus coming in conflict with the church.

When Columbus proposed to take the “Western Route” the spherical
nature of the Earth was common knowledge, even though the diameter was
still debatable. Columbus simply believed that the Earth was a lot
smaller, while his adversaries claimed that the Western Route would be
too long. If America hadn’t been in his way, he most likely would have
failed. The myth that “he was laughed at for believing that the Earth
was a globe” steems from an American author who intentionally
adulterated history.

1.8: What is the “Experimenter effect”?
—————————————

It is unconscious bias introduced into an experiment by the
experimenter. It can occur in one of two ways:

o Scientists doing experiments often have to look for small effects
or differences between the things being experimented on.

o Experiments require many samples to be treated in exactly the same
way in order to get consistent results.

Note that neither of these sources of bias require deliberate fraud.

A classic example of the first kind of bias was the “N-ray”,
discovered early this century. Detecting them required the
investigator to look for very faint flashes of light on a
scintillator. Many scientists reported detecting these rays. They
were fooling themselves.

A classic example of the second kind of bias were the detailed
investigations into the relationship between race and brain capacity
in the last century. Skull capacity was measured by filling the empty
skull with beans and then measuring the volume of beans. A
significant difference in the results could be obtained by ensuring
that the beans in some skulls were better settled than others. For
more details on this story, read Stephen Jay Gould’s “The Mismeasure
of Man”.

For more detail see:

T.X. Barber, “Pitfalls of Human Research”, 1976.
Robert Rosenthal, “Pygmalion in the Classroom”.

[These were recommended by a correspondant. Sorry I have no more
information.]

1.9: How much fraud is there in science?
—————————————-

In its simplest form this question is unanswerable, since undetected
fraud is by definition unmeasurable. Of course there are many known
cases of fraud in science. Some use this to argue that all scientific
findings (especially those they dislike) are worthless.

This ignores the replication of results which is routinely undertaken
by scientists. Any important result will be replicated many times by
many different people. So an assertion that (for instance) scientists
are lying about carbon-14 dating requires that a great many scientists
are engaging in a conspiracy. See the previous question.

In fact the existence of known and documented fraud is a good
illustration of the self-correcting nature of science. It does not
matter if a proportion of scientists are fraudsters because any
important work they do will not be taken seriously without independant
verification. Hence they must confine themselves to pedestrian work
which no-one is much interested in, and obtain only the expected
results. For anyone with the talent and ambition necessary to get a
Ph.D this is not going to be an enjoyable career.

Also, most scientists are idealists. They perceive beauty in
scientific truth and see its discovery as their vocation. Without
this most would have gone into something more lucrative.

These arguments suggest that undetected fraud in science is both rare
and unimportant.

For more detail on more scientific frauds than you ever knew existed,
see “False Prophets” by Alexander Koln.

1.9.1: Did Mendel fudge his results?
————————————

Gregor Mendel was a 19th Century monk who discovered the laws of
inheritance (dominant and recessive genes etc.). More recent analysis
of his results suggest that they are “too good to be true”. Mendelian
inheritance involves the random selection of possible traits from
parents, with particular probabilities of particular traits. It seems
from Mendel’s raw data that chance played a smaller part in his
experiments than it should. This does not imply fraud on the part of
Mendel.

First, the experiments were not “blind” (see the questions about
double blind experiments and the experimenter effect). Deciding
whether a particular pea is wrinkled or not needs judgement, and this
could bias Mendel’s results towards the expected. This is an example
of the “experimenter effect”.

Second, Mendel’s Laws are only approximations. In fact it does turn
out that in some cases inheritance is less random than his Laws state.

Third, Mendel might have neglected to publish the results of `failed’
experiments. It is interesting to note that all of his published work
is concerned with characteristics which are controlled by single
genes. He did not report any experiments with more complicated
characteristics.

Psychic Powers
==============

2.1: Is Uri Geller for real?
—————————-

James “The Amazing” Randi has, through various demonstrations, cast
doubt on Geller’s claims of psychic powers. Geller has sued Randi.
Skeptics are advised to exercise extreme caution in addressing this
topic, given the pending litigation. Bay Area Skeptics, Tampa Bay
Skeptics, and the Skeptics Society of Los Angeles have all been
threatened with litigation over this matter, which could be expected
to be extremely expensive and time-consuming whatever the eventual
outcome.

2.2: I have had a psychic experience.
————————————-

That is pretty remarkable. But before you post to the Net, consider:-

* Could it just be coincidence? The human mind is good at
remembering odd things but tends to forget ordinary things, such as
premonitions that didn’t happen. If psychic experiences happen to
you on a regular basis then try writing down the premonitions when
you have them and then comparing your record to later events.

* If you think you have a mental link with someone you know, try a
few tests with playing cards [Has anyone got a good protocol for
this kind of thing? PAJ].

* If you are receiving messages from elsewhere (e.g. UFOs), ask for
specific information that you can then check. The complete prime
factorisation of 2^1024+1 would be a good start: we don’t know it,
but any proposed answer is easy to check.

If you want to make a formal registration of your predictions, send
mail to .

2.3: What is “Sensory Leakage”?
——————————-

Sensory leakage is something that designers of tests for psi must be
careful to guard against. Tests for psi use powerful statistical
tests to search for faint traces of communication. Unfortunately the
fact that communication has taken place does not prove that it was
done by telepathy. It could have been through some more mundane form
of signal.

For instance one experiment involved a “sender” in one room with a
stack of numbered cards (1-10) and a “receiver” in another room trying
to guess what the next card was. The sender looked at a card and
pressed a button to signal to the receiver. The receiver then tried
to guess the number on the card. There was a definite correlation
between the card numbers and the guesses. However the sender could
signal the receiver by varying the delays between buzzes. When this
channel of communication was removed, the effect disappeared.

2.4: Who are the main psi researchers?
————————————–

Targ and Puthoff spring to mind, but actually, Puthoff is no longer
doing psi research (I don’t have any idea what Targ is up to these
days.) Granted, their SRI work is quite famous, but if we want to
review the historical (rather than currently active) figures, you
probably want to go back at least as far as the Rhines.

Helmut Schmidt, a physicist who has been looking at PK, is still
active at the Mind Science Foundation in Texas. (Sorry, I don’t know a
more specific address than that.)

The Foundation for Research into the Nature of Man (FRNM), which is
what Rhine’s work at Duke eventually developed into, is still active
near Duke. It is currently headed by K. Ramakrishna Rao.

The Koestler Chair of Parapsychology at the University of Edinburgh
is, as far as I know, still active. The current incumbent is, I think,
named Robert Morris; his main assistant is Deborah Delanoy.

Roger Nelson is active in the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research
center (PEAR) and occasionally posts to the net.

Active workers in the field that I can think of currently include Dean
Radin, who also posts to sci.skeptic as ,
Jessica Utts, and Ed May. The Parapsychological Association has a much
larger roster than that, of course, but I’m not a member myself and
don’t have access to their membership roll.

2.5: Does dowsing work?
———————–

Dowsing is the art of finding underground water by extra-sensory
perception. Sometimes tools are used. The traditional one is a
forked hazel stick. When held in the correct way this will twitch in
response to small muscle movements in the back and shoulders. Another
tool that has become popular in recent years is a pair of rods mounted
in tubes that are held in each hand just in front of the user.

Rod bent into tube.
|
V
r——————————-
|| ^
|| |
|| <- Tube Rod
||
||
||

When water (or something else) is dowsed, the rods turn towards each
other. Like the forked hazel stick it amplifies small movements of
the arm and shoulder muscles.

Unfortunately careful tests of dowsers have revealed absolutely no
ability to find water or anything else by extra-sensory perception.
Dowsing success stories can be explained by noting that wherever you
dig you will find water. You just have to dig deep enough. It has
also been suggested that dowsers may unconsciously use clues in the
environment.

James Randi has tested more than 100 dowsers (I don't know the actual
count). He tells that only 2 tried to cheat. This suggests that
dowsers are basically honest people.

The Skeptical Inquirer has published a number of articles on dowsing.
James Randi's "A Controlled Test of Dowsing" was in vol. 4, no. 1, pp.
16-20. Michael Martin's "A New Controlled Dowsing Experiment" was in
vol. 8, pp. 138-140. Dick Smith's "Two Tests of Divining in
Australia" was in vol. 6, no. 4, pp. 34-37. Randi's book Flim-Flam!
has a section on dowsing. The main skeptical book about dowsing is
Vogt, E.Z. and Hyman R. (1959, 2nd edition 1979) "Water witching USA".
The University of Chicago Press. 260 pages. Available as a paperback.

2.6: Could psi be inhibited by the presence of skeptics?
——————————————————–

Psychic researchers have noted something they call the "shyness
effect" (or more grandly "psi-mediated experimenter effects"). This
is invoked to explain the way in which many subjects' psychic powers
seem to fade when exposed to careful scrutiny and proper controls.
Often it is alleged that having a skeptic in the audience can prevent
the delicate operation of psi.

In its most extreme form this hypothesis becomes a "catch-22" that
makes any results consistent with a psi hypothesis. This renders the
hypothesis unfalsifiable and therefore unscientific. Less extreme
forms might be testable.

2.7: Why don't the skeptics test the *real* psychics?
—————————————————–

A claim is sometimes made that the Skeptics movement only tests those
psychics which it knows to be frauds. The real psychics are supposedly
being ignored by skeptics who are afraid to be proved wrong.

There are three problems with this claim.

Firstly, it assumes that all the skeptics are engaged in a conspiracy
to persuade the world that psychic powers do not exist. This is only
a Petty Conspiracy theory (see section 0), since it only requires the
involvment of a few dozen of the most prominent skeptics, but it is
still difficult to see any motive for such a deception. "Fear of
being proved wrong" implies that they already know they are wrong,
which makes their continued activity rather puzzling.

Secondly, most skeptics are always ready to take part in any
reasonable test. The "real" psychics are perfectly at liberty to
challange the skeptics.

Thirdly, there are always more alleged psychics. Hence this
argument presents the skeptics with an ever-receeding target. The
dialogue goes something like this:

Paranormalist: Yes, I conceed that Mr. Adams is a fake, but what about
Mr. Brown. The things that he does could never be
faked.

[Some months later]

Skeptic: Here is how Brown did it….

P: OK, I conceed that Adams and Brown are fakes, but Mrs Carver is the
surely the real thing.

[Some months later]

S: Here is how Carver did it…

P: OK, maybe Adams, Brown and Carver were fakes, but what about Digby
and Ender?

S: I give up. There's no convincing some people.

P: [shouting] Digby and Ender are real psychics: the skeptics are
afraid to test them. They only test the fakes!

UFOs and Flying Saucers
=======================

3.1 What are UFOs?
——————-

UFOs are, simply, Unidentified Flying Objects, no more, no less. This
means that if you are out one night and see a light moving in the sky
and cannot immediately identify it as a certain star, planet or other
object, then it is by definition a UFO. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE
SEEN AN ALIEN SPACESHIP.

A better question would be:

3.1.1 Are UFOs alien spacecraft?
———————————

Probably not. The vast majority of UFO reports, when investigated by
competent researchers (and that is a problem all by itself), can be
easily explained as natural or manmade objects misidentified for one
reason or another. The actual percentage is around 95%. A very few
reports are provable hoaxes. The remaining few percent (some skeptics
argue that there are no remaining reports) are not explained at this
time. Again, this does not mean that they are observations of alien
spaceships. All we can say is that, given the information presently
available, some cases don't appear to be stars, balloons, airplanes,
aurorae. etc. Given a great deal more time and effort, many more
could likely be identified. It's possible that the witness(es) were
in error, or are very good liars. And the remaining few cases? Well,
the best we can say, as true skeptics, is that we don't know what they
were, but there is NO proof that they were alien spacecraft.

3.1.2 Are UFOs natural phenomena?
———————————-

Possibly. A number of theories have been proposed, suggesting that
some UFOs are "plasmas" or variations of ball lightning or earthquake
lights. Unfortunately, the theories seem to change to fit observed
data, rather than predict the observations. Also, studies designed to
support the theories have used newspaper articles and raw, unsifted UFO
case lists for data, and therefore the studies do not appear to be
completely unbiased. Perhaps time will tell. Until then it is safe to
say that SOME UFOs are probably ball lightning or other rare natural
phenomena.

3.1.3 But isn't it possible that aliens are visiting Earth?
————————————————————

Yes. But it is also possible that there is an invisible snorg reading
this over your shoulder right now.

Basically, some astronomers (e.g. Carl Sagan) are convinced that there
are other habitable planets in our galaxy, and that there may be some
form of life on them. Assuming that parallel evolution occurred on
these other planets, there MIGHT be intelligent life forms there. It
is possible that some of these life forms could have an advanced
civilization, and perhaps have achieved space travel. BUT – there is
no proof that this is so. SETI programs such as the High Resolution
Microwave Search now being conducted by NASA under the direction of
Jill Tartar are "listening" to other stars in the hope of detecting
radio signals that might indicate intelligent life – kind of
listening for the equivalent of "Watson, come here, I need you!", or
"I love Lucy" in the infancy of our early communications. Such
searches have been fruitless, so far.

If there are aliens on distant planets, then it is possible that they
might have found a way to travel between stars in their lifetimes.
According to our present understanding of physics, this is not likely,
given the vast distances between stars. Even travelling at the speed
of light (which cannot be done), a round trip to the nearest star would
take about ten years. This does not rule out interstellar ships, but
it does make it seem unlikely that we are being visited.

If *even one* civilization has found a way to travel between stars in
the entire history of the Milky Way Galaxy (about ten billion years),
it ought to fill the entire Galaxy in only a hundred million years or
so. The question, then, is why don't we observe evidence of alien
civilization everywhere? This question is known as the Fermi Paradox,
and there is no really satisfactory answer. If, however, we postulate
alien visits to Earth, we must also accept a Galaxy-wide civilization
and ask why we see no evidence of it.

3.2: Is it true that the US government has a crashed flying saucer (MJ-12)?
—————————————————————————

The MJ-12 documents purportedly established that the U.S. government
had established a secret organization of 12 people called MJ-12 or
Majestic-12 to deal with UFOs. These 12 people were all conveniently
dead at the time the documents were discovered. Klass proved that the
documents are fakes.

The Roswell Incident refers to an alleged UFO crash in Roswell, NM.
This is also known as the "Roswell Incident". Philip Klass has also
investigated this one and shown the reports to be bogus. One of the
more notable items of "evidence" was a document "signed by the
president". Klass showed that this signature was a photocopy of an
existing presidential signature. See SI 14:2 (Winter 1990) pp
135-140.

All such allegations involve a conspiracy theory. Sometimes these
conspiracy theories get very big indeed. One common one involves a
treaty between the government and the saucer people whereby the
government stays in power and the saucer people get to abduct humans
for various gruesome purposes.

3.3: What is "channeling"?
————————–

"Channeling" is remarkably similar to Spiritualism. The main
difference is that the relatives "on the other side" are replaced by a
wide variety of other beings. This means that the channeler does not
have to worry about providing accurate information about people in the
audience. The beings that channelers claim to speak for range from
enlightened aliens to humans who lived thousands of years ago to
discarnate intelligences who have never had bodies.

3.4: How can we test a channeler?
———————————

Some channelled entities are alleged to come from the distant past.
They can be asked about events, climate and language in ways that can
be checked.

If the entity is from a technically advanced race, try asking for the
complete factorisation of 2^1024+1.

3.5: I am in telepathic contact with the aliens.
————————————————

See the earlier section on psychic experiences and then try testing
your aliens to see if you get a specific answer. If you can come up
with new facts that can be tested by scientists then you will be
listened to. Otherwise you would do better on alt.alien.visitors.

3.6: Some bozo has just posted a load of "teachings" from a UFO. What
———————————————————————-
should I do?
————

You have several choices:

* Ignore it.

* Ask for evidence (see question 3.4 above).

* Insult or flame the poster. This is a bad idea.

3.7: Are crop circles made by flying saucers?
———————————————

There is no convincing evidence that crop circles or any other kind of
UGM (Unusual Ground Markings) were made by aliens. There are some
reports of lights being seen in and around crop circle sites, and a few
videos showing objects flitting over fields. The lights are hardly
proof, and the objects in the videos seem to be pieces of foil or paper
being tossed about by the wind.

In a deliberate attempt to test crop circle "experts", a crop circle
was faked under the watchful eyes of the media. When cerealogists were
called in, they proclaimed it genuine.

3.7.1: Are crop circles made by "vortices"?
———————————————

Probably not. There are a number of meteorologists who believe that
crop circle formations are created by rare natural forces such as
"ionised plasma vortices". Basically, winds blowing across rolling
hills sometimes form eddies, which in some circumstances (that have
never been quantified) become strong, downward spiralling drafts that
lay down the crop. Cerealogists claim to have over two dozen witnesses
to such events. Unfortunately, many more have said they have seen
flying saucers do the same thing.

Scientific articles arguing for the reality of these vortices have
appeared regularly in the Journal of Meteorology. But its editor is
the leading proponent of the theory, Dr. Terence Meaden.

Winds can lay down crop in patches known as lodging. But geometric
patterns in fields can hardly be attributable to natural phenomena.
Meaden has changed his theory to first accommodate complex circles,
ovals and even triangles (!), but now admits that most circles are
hoaxes and the theory can only explain simpler patterns.

3.7.2: Are crop circles made by hoaxers?
—————————————–

Of course. Although most people have heard only of two, Doug Bower and
Dave Chorley of England, many others have been caught, not only in
Britain but in other countries such as Canada. Their methods range
from inscribed circles with a pole and a length of rope to more complex
systems involving chains, rollers, planks and measuring devices.

And as a further note: just because you can't prove a crop circle was
made by a hoaxer, you should not assume aliens were involved. Remember
Occam's Razor (Section 1.6).

3.7.3: Are crop circles radioactive?
————————————–

This is a claim that has received wide circulation in UFO/cerealogy
circles (pardon the pun). It is also untrue. Examination of the data
from spectral analyses of soil taken from crop circles has shown that
there were no readings above the normal background levels. The
proponents of this claim are debating this, however.

3.7.4: What about cellular changes in plants within crop circles?
——————————————————————-

Yes, what about the changes? Although this is another claim that is
widely circulated among ufologists and cerealogists, the evidence is
simply not very good. A few photographs of alleged changes in the
"crystalline structure" of wheat stems were published in some
magazines and UFO publications. The method used was spagyrical
analysis. This is a technique involving crystallization of the
residue of organic material after harsh processing, invented three
centuries ago and popularized by Sir Kenelm Digby. Digby is known for
other wonderful inventions like condensation of sunlight and the
development of sword salve (which you had to put on the weapon rather
than on the wound, in order to cure the wound). The fact that this
technique was tried at all casts serious doubts on the "researchers"
involved.

3.8: Have people been abducted by UFOs?
—————————————

While the number of people who believe themselves to have been
abducted by flying saucer aliens must number at least many thousands,
not one of them has produced any physical evidence to establish the
reality of their claim. On the contrary, a number of factors clearly
point to a subjective basis for the "UFO abduction" phenomenon.
Probably the strongest factor is that of the cultural dependence of
such claims. Such claims were virtually unknown until the famous
abduction story of Betty and Barney Hill received widespread publicity
in the late 1960s. Also, the appearance and behavior of supposed UFO
occupants varies greatly with location and year. UFO abduction claims
are made much less frequently outside North America, especially in
non-English-speaking countries, although foreign reports have started
to catch up since the publication of Whitley Strieber's "Communion".
Furthermore, the descriptions of supposed UFO aliens contain clear
cultural dependencies; in North America large-headed grey aliens
predominate, while in Britain abducting aliens are mostly tall, blond,
and Nordic. Aliens that are claimed to steal sperm, eggs, and fetuses,
or make scars or body implants on those supposedly abducted, were
practically unknown before the publication of Budd Hopkins's books.
This particularly alarming type of abduction seems to be quite rare
outside North America.

Clear "borrowings" from popular science fiction stories can be traced
in certain major "UFO abductions." Barney Hill's description of his
supposed abductors' "wraparound eyes" (an extreme rarity in science
fiction films), first described and drawn during a hypnosis session on
Feb. 22, 1964, comes just twelve days after the first broadcast of an
episode of "The Outer Limits" featuring an alien of this quite unique
description. Many other elements of the Hill story can be traced to
the 1953 film "Invaders from Mars," including aliens having "Jimmy
Durante" noses, an alien medical examination, something done to her
eyes to relax her, being probed with a needle, a star map hanging on a
wall, a notebook offered as a remembrance, even the imagery of a
needle in the navel. Other "abductees" borrowed other ideas from
"Invaders From Mars," including brain implants, aliens drilling into a
human skull, and aliens seeking to revitalize a dying world.

Originally, stories of UFO abductions were obtainable solely by
hypnotic regression of the claimant, although in recent years the
subject of "UFO abductions" has become so generally known that some
subjects claim to remember their "abduction" without hypnosis.
Hypnosis is a NOT a reliable method for extracting so- called "hidden
memories", and its use in this manner is likely to lead to fabrication
and error. Moreover, if it is suggested to a hypnotized person that
fictitious events have occurred, the subject himself may come to
believe this (See the article "Hypnosis" in the 1974 "Encyclopaedia
Brittanica" by Martin Orne).

3.9: What is causing the strange cattle deaths?
———————————————–

The only information I have on these is a long file that came to me
via Len Bucuvalas from ParaNet. The
gist is that cattle and other animals have been found dead with
strange mutilations. Organs, especially genitals, have been removed
but no blood appears to have been lost. These events are also
sometimes associated with reports of alien encounters and UFOs.

The best source of information on cattle mutilations is the
book Mute Evidence by Ian Summers and Daniel Kagan, a couple
of investigative journalists who started out believing that
something mysterious was happening, but ended up skeptics.
SI has published James Stewart’s “Cattle Mutilations: An Episode
of Collective Delusion” (way back in vol. 1, no. 2, pp. 55-66).
Stewart is a sociologist who examined the pattern of reports and
found that new reports were inspired by previous media coverage.
It came in “waves” or “flaps”.

3.10: What is the face on Mars?
——————————-

One of the Mars orbiters took a photograph of a part of Mars (Cydonia)
when the sun was very low on the horizon. The picture shows a “face”
and some nearby pyramids. Both these structures are seen more by
their shadows than their actual shape. The pyramid shadows appear
regular because their size is close to the limit of resolution of the
camera, and the “face” is just a chance arrangement of shadow over a
couple of hills. The human brain is very good at picking out familiar
patterns in random noise, so it is not surprising that a couple of
Martian surface features (out of thousands photographed) vaguely
resemble a face when seen in the right light.

Richard Hoagland has championed the idea that the Face is artificial,
intended to resemble a human, and erected by an extraterrestrial
civilization. Most other analysts concede that the resemblance is most
likely accidental. Other Viking images show a smiley-faced crater and
a lava flow resembling Kermit the Frog elsewhere on Mars. There exists
a Mars Anomalies Research Society (sorry, don’t know the address) to
study the Face and related features.

The Mars Observer spacecraft, scheduled for launch September 25, has a
camera that can give 1.5m per pixel resolution. More details of the
Cydonia formations should become available when it arrives.

Anyone who wants to learn some more about this should look up “Image
Processing”, volume 4 issue 3, which includes enhanced images of the
“face”. Hoagland has written “The Monuments of Mars: A City on the
Edge of Forever”, North Atlantic Books, Berkeley, California, USA,
1987.

[Some of this is from the sci.space FAQs]

3.11: Did Ezekiel See a Flying Saucer?
————————————–

The chapter in question is Ezekiel 1:4-28. This vision is an example
of apocalyptic writing common in the centuries before and after
Christ. (Good examples are chapters 2 and 7-12 of Daniel and the book
of Revelation.) Apocalyptic literature is difficult to interpret
because the language is symbolic and figurative. In some cases the
writer will reveal what is meant by the symbols. Verse 28 identifies
Ezekiel’s wheels within wheels vision as, “the appearance of the
likeness of the glory of the LORD.” This “glory” is the “Khabod”, a
manifestation of brilliant light thought to be present in the temple.
The wheels are described as appearing in a *vision* which is more like
an hallucination than a physical event. The wheels are seen again in
Ezekiel chap 10 leaving the temple in Jerusalem, but Ezekiel sees this
while sitting inside his house which is in Babylon (see Eze. 1:1-2 and
Eze. 8:1). In other words this was a message from God (or a
hallucination) rather than a physical event.

3.12: What happened at Tunguska?
——————————–

At 7:17 in the morning of June 30th 1908, close to the Stony Tunguska
River, on the Central Siberian Plateau, a huge air explosion occurred.
The explosion was powerful enough to be heard hundreds of miles away.
The area around the Stony Tunguska River is inaccessible and consists
mostly of bogs and pine forests. The seismic shocks from the
explosion were detected around the Earth. The London Times of July
4th, 1908 reported “The remarkable ruddy glows which have been seen on
many nights lately…seen…as far as Berlin.”

When an expedition eventually reached the epicentre of the explosion
they found that the pine trees had been pushed over, pointing away
from the centre. The trees directly under the explosion remained
standing. Some small craters *were* observed at the time but have
disappeared over the years due to the boggy land. The pattern is now
recognised as being similar to that produced by an air-burst nuclear
bomb.

Currently the event is usually explained as a small, unnoticed, comet
hitting the upper atmosphere somewhere over China and finally
exploding a few seconds latter above Tunguska. A number of other
explainations have been offered…

* an atomic explosion. Some reports collected some time after the
event describe a typical mushroom cloud. The problem here is
that such clouds are typical of large explosions due to any cause
– they are not peculiar to atomic explosions. There is also the
difficulty in explaining how the Russians first developed and
then forgot the technology when it would have been very useful in
two major wars!

* a small black hole weighing a few million tons passed through the
Earth. The other entry/exit point was unnoticed as it was in the
ocean. Steven Hawking has now shown that black holes of such a
size have very short lives in cosmic terms due to an
`evaporation’ effect.

* a small anti-matter meteor. This now seems very unlikely with
the recent discovery of large amounts of inter-stellar matter in
which, although still close to a vacuum, is quite sufficient to
erode any small amount of anti-matter quite rapidly. In addition,
the very existance of anti-matter in any sizable amounts in our
universe is now thought to be very unlikely.

* an alien spaceship, damaged and out of control, exploded during
an emergency landing. There is no supporting evidence for this
apart from eye witness reports of the vapour trail caused during
the objects passage through the atmosphere showing a distinct
`bend’, which is supposed to be due to a course change. Such
bends can also be found in the vapour trails of aircraft which
can be seen to be flying straight and are caused by winds in the
upper atmosphere.

The event is not such a mystery as some suppose. In 1969 a Soviet
periodical published a bibliography of more than 1000 entries. Though
these are mostly in Russian it is not difficult to find references in
western scientific publications. `Nature’ has published a number of
papers covering most of the above explanations.

References

John Baxter and Thomas Atkins, “The Fire Came By”, Futura
Publications Ltd, 1977, ISBN 0 86000 7540 0

Oliver, Charles P. “The Great Siberian Meteorite,” Scientific
American, Vol. 139, No. 1(1928), 42-44

Growther, J.G. “More About the Great Siberian Meteorite,”
Scientific American, Vol. 144, No. 5 (1931), 314-317

Zigel, Felix. “Nuclear Explosion over the Taiga: Study of the
Tunguska Meteorite,” Znaniye-Sila, No. 12 (1961), 24-27 [English
translation available from Joint Publications Research Service,
Washington, DC., JPRS-13480 (April 1962)

Parry, Albert. “Russia’s Rockets and Missiles” Macmillan 1962,
pp 248-267

Cowan,C.,C.R. Atluri and W.F. Libby. “Possible Anti-Matter
Content of the Tunguska Meteor of 1908,” Nature, Vol. 206, No.
4987 (1965), 861-865

Jackson, A.A., and M.P. Ryan, “Was the Tungus Event Due to a
Black Hole?”, Nature, Vol. 245, No. 5420 (1973), 88-89

Faith Healing and Alternative Therapies
=======================================

Disclaimer: I am not medically qualified. If you have a medical
problem then I strongly recommend that you go to a
qualified medical practitioner. Asking the Net for
specific medical advice is always a bad idea.

4.1: Isn’t western medicine reductionistic and alternatives holistic?
———————————————————————

Practitioners of alternative therapies often put forward the idea that
modern scientific medicine is reductionistic: it concentrates on those
parts of the body that are not working properly, and in so doing it
reduces the patient to a collection of organs. Alternative therapies
try to consider the patient as a whole (a holistic approach).

This is a fine piece of rhetoric, but it’s wrong. It is true that
modern medicine looks at the details of diseases, trying to find out
exactly what is going wrong and what is causing it. But it also looks
at the life of the patient, and tries to understand how the patient
interacts with his/her environment and how this interaction can be
improved. For instance, smoking is known to cause a wide variety of
medical problems. Hence doctors advise patients to give up smoking as
well as treating the individual illnesses that it causes. When a
patient presents with an illness then the doctor will not only treat
the illness but also try to understand how this illness was caused in
order to avoid a recurrence.

4.2: What is a double-blind trial? What is a placebo?
——————————————————

A double-blind trial is the standard method for deciding whether or
not a treatment has any “real” effect.

A placebo is a “treatment” that has no effect except through the mind
of the patient. The usual form is a pill containing a little lactose
(milk-sugar), although a bitter-tasting liquid or injections of 1cc
saline can be used instead.

The “placebo effect” is the observed tendency for patients to display
the symptoms they are told to expect.

The problem is that the state of mind of a patient is often a
significant factor in the effect of a course of treatment. All
doctors know this; it is why “bedside manner” is considered so
important. In statistical tests of new treatments it is even more
important, since even a small effect from the state of mind of a small
fraction of the patients in the trial can have a significant effect
on the results. Hence new medicines are tested against a placebo.
The patients in the trial are randomly divided into two groups. One
of these groups is given the real medicine, the other is given the
placebo. Neither group knows which they have been given. Hence the
state of mind for both groups will be similar, and any difference
between the two groups must be due to the drug. This is a blind trial.

It has been found that patients can be unconsciously affected by the
attitude and expectations of the doctor supplying the drug, even if
the doctor does not explicitly tell them what to expect. Hence it is
usual for the doctor to be equally unaware which group is which. This
is a “double blind” trial. The job of remembering which group is
which is given to some administrative person who does not normally
come into contact with patients.

This causes problems for many alternative therapies because they do
something to the patient which is difficult to do in a placebo-like
manner. For instance, a treatment involving the laying-on of hands
cannot be done in such a way that both patient and practitioner are
unaware as to whether a “real” laying on of hands has taken place.
There are partial solutions to this. For instance one study employed
a three-way test of drug placebo, counseling and alternative therapy.

4.3: Why should scientific criteria apply to alternative therapies?
——————————————————————-

So that we can tell if they work or not. If you take an patient
and give them treatment then one of three things will happen: the
patient will get better, will get worse, or will not change. And this
is true whether the treatment is a course of drugs chosen by a doctor,
an alternative therapy, or just counting to ten.

Many alternative therapies depend on “anecdotal evidence” where
particular cases got better after the therapy was applied. Almost any
therapy will have some such cases, even if it actually harms the
patients. And so anecdotal evidence of Mrs. X who was cured of cancer
by this wonderful new treatment is not useful in deciding whether the
treatment is any good.

The only way to tell for sure whether or not an alternative treatment
works is to use a double-blind trial, or as near to it as you can get.
See the previous question.

4.4: What is homeopathy?
————————

Homeopathy is sometimes confused with herbalism. A herbalist
prescribes herbs with known medicinal effects. Two well known
examples are foxglove flowers (which contain digitalin) and willow
bark (which contains aspirin). Folk remedies are now being studied
extensively in order to winnow the wheat from the chaff.

Homeopathists believe that if a drug produces symptoms similar to
certain disease then a highly diluted form of the same drug will cure
the disease. The greater the dilution, the stronger this curative
effect will be (this is known as the law of Arndt-Schulz). Great
importance is also attatched to the way in which the diluted solution
is shaken during the dilution.

People are skeptical about homeopathy because:

1: There is no known mechanism by which it can work. Many homeopathic
treatments are so diluted that not one molecule of the original
substance is contained in the final dose.

2: The indicator symptoms are highly subjective. Some substances have
hundreds of trivial indicators.

3: Almost no clinical tests have been done.

4: It is not clear why trace impurities in the dilutants are not also
fortified by the dilution mechanism.

Reports of one scientific trial that seemed to provide evidence for
homeopathy until a double-blind trial was set up can be found in
Nature vol 333, p.816 and further, and the few issues of Nature
following that, about until November of that year (1988).

SI ran a good article on the origins and claims of homeopathy:
Stephen Barrett, M.D., “Homeopathy: Is It Medicine?”, SI,
vol. 12, no. 1, Fall 1987, pp. 56-62.

4.5: What is aromatherapy?
————————–

A belief that the essential oils of various flowers have therapeutic
effects. These effects are psychological rather than physical, and so
its a bit difficult to define what we mean by a statement that “it
works”. After all, if people do it and feel better then that is a
real effect, whether it occured because of suggestion or because the
flowers contain a powerful psychoactive drug.

4.6: What is reflexology? What is iridology?
———————————————

Reflexology is an alternative therapy based on massage of the feet.
The idea is that parts of the body can be mapped onto areas of the
feet. There is no known mechanism by which massaging the feet can
affect other parts of the body (other than the simple soothing and
relaxing effect that any massage gives) and no evidence that it
actually works.

Iridology is a remarkably similar notion. Diseases are detected and
diagnosed by examining the iris of the eye. A good critique of
iridology: Russell S. Worrall, “Iridology: Diagnosis or Delusion?”,
SI, vol. 7 no. 3, pp. 23-35.

4.7: Does acupuncture work?
—————————-

There is evidence that acupuncture treatment has an analgesic (“pain
killing”) effect. The mechanism seems to involve the endogenous
opiate system (at least in part), but the exact mechanism by which
endogenous opiates are released by acupuncture skin stimulation is not
yet known. It does not appear that the effect can be explained simply
by pain caused by the needles.

There have been reports of measurable physiological effects,
apparently via local changes in the activity of the sympathetic and
parasympathetic nervous systems. While much more detail remains to be
elucidated, this is at least a testable hypothesis which brings
acupuncture within the realm of science.

This suggests that acupuncture can be a useful tool in pain
management, but that it is unlikely to be of value in curing the
underlying cause of the pain.

The traditional theory of acupuncture involves balancing the yin and
yang (male and female principles) which flow in pathways through the
body. Nothing bearing any resemblance to this has been found by
medical researchers.

~References:

Skrabanek, Paul: Acupuncture: Past, Present and Future. In: Examining
Holistic Medicine by Stalker D & Glymour G (eds), Prometheus Books, NY

Skrabanek, Paul: Acupuncture and Endorphins. Lancet 1984;i:220

Skrabanek, Paul: Acupuncture and the Age of Unreason. Lancet
1984;i:1169-1171

Skrabanek, Paul: Acupuncture-Needless Needles. Irish Medical
Journal1986;79:334-335

A 1977 study, Stern, Brown, Ulett, and Sletten, ‘A comparison of
hypnosis, acupuncture, morphine, Valium, aspirin, and placebo in the
management of experimentally induced pain,’ Annals_of_the_New_York_
Academy_of_Sciences, 296, 175-193, found that acupuncture,
morphine, and hypnostic analgesia all produced significantly reduced
pain ratings for cold pressor and ischemic pain.

Mayer,Price, Raffi, 1977,
“Antagonism of acupuncture analgesia in man by the narcotic
antagonist naloxone,” _Brain_Research_, 121, 368-372.

Sjolund, Terenius, Erikson, 1977,
“Increased cerebrospinal fluid levels of endorphins after electroacupuncture,”
Acta_Physiologica_Scandinavica, 100, 382-384.

“Practical application of acupuncture analgesia” and it’s by Cheng,
SB (1973 Apr 27), _Nature 242(5400)_: 559-60.

“Electrophysiological measures during acupuncture-induced surgical
analgesia” by Starr A (1989 Sep) _Arch Neurol 46(9)_: 1010-12.

4.8: What about psychic surgery?
——————————–

Psychic surgeons have claimed to be able to make magical incisions,
remove cancers and perform other miracles. To date, no investigation
of a psychic surgeon has ever found real paranormal ability. Instead
they have found one of two things:

1: Simple conjuring tricks. The “surgeons” in these cases are
confidence tricksters who prey on the desperate and the foolish.

2: Delusions of grandeur. These people are even more dangerous than
the first category, as their treatments may actually cause harm in
addition to whatever was wrong with the patient in the first
place.

4.9: What is Crystal Healing?
—————————–

The belief that carrying a small quartz crystal will make you a
healthier person. People selling these crystals use phrases like “the
body’s natural energy fields” and “tuning into the right vibrational
frequencies”. All this sounds vaguely scientific but means absolutely
nothing. Crystal Healing is mostly a New Age idea. See the section
on the New Age below for more information.

4.10: Does religious healing work?
———————————-

Miraculous healing is often put forward as a proof of the existence
and approval of God. The Catholic and Christian Scientist churches in
particular often claim that believers have been healed, but none of
these healings have stood up to careful scrutiny. However it should
be noted that the Catholic church does investigate alleged miracles.

One famous “healing” which has been carefully investigated is the case
of Mrs. Jean Neil. Many people have seen the video of her getting out
of a wheel-chair and running around the stadium at meeting led by the
German evangeist Reinhard Bonnke. This was investigated by Dr. Peter
May, a GP and member of the General Synod of the Church of England.
His findings were reported in the Skeptic (organ of the UK Skeptics).
Here is a summary of the report. [Any errors are mine. PAJ].

May found that Mrs. Neil was helpful and enthusiastic when he
contacted her, and there is little doubt that her quality of life has
improved greatly since the “healing”. However May was unable to find
any physical changes. His report lists each of the illnesses claimed
by Mrs. Neil, and he found that they were either not recorded by
doctors previous to the healing or that no physical change had taken
place. It seems that the only change in Mrs. Neil was in her mental
state. Before the healing she was depressed and introverted.
Afterwards she became happy and outgoing.

A more sinister aspect of the story is the presentation of the Neil
case in a video promoted by CfaN Productions. This represented Mrs.
Neil before the healing as a “hopeless case”, implied that she had a
single serious illness rather than a series of less major ones, and
included the false statement that she had been confined to a
wheelchair for 25 years (in fact Mrs. Neil had used a wheelchair for
about 15 months and could still walk, although with great difficulty).
A report on her spine was carefully edited to include statements about
her new pain-free movement but to exclude the statement that there was
no evidence of physical changes.

For the full report, see “The Skeptic” p9, vol. 5, no. 5, Sept. 91. Back
issues are available from “The Skeptic (Dept. B), P.O. Box 475,
Manchester, M60 2TH, U.K. Price UKL 2.10 for UK, UKL 2.70 elsewhere.

The video is entitled “Something to Shout About — The Documentation
of a Miracle”. May does not say where this can be obtained. [Does
anyone know?]

Of course, this does not disprove the existence of miraculous healing.
Even Mrs. Neil’s improvement could have been due to divine
intervention rather than a sub-conscious decision to get better (as
most skeptics would conclude, although the May report carefully
refrains from doing so). I include this summary here because the Neil
case is often cited by evangelical Christians as an undeniable
miracle. In fact the case demonstrates that even such dramatic events
as a cripple getting up and running may not be so very inexplicable.

For more general coverage of this topic, see James Randi’s book “The
Faith Healers”. Free Inquiry magazine has also run exposes on
fraudulent faith healers like Peter Popoff and W.V. Grant.

4.11: What harm does it do anyway?
———————————-

People have died when alternative practitioners told them to stop
taking conventional treatment. Children have died when their parents
refused to give them conventional treatment. These issues matter.

Most alternative treatments are harmless, so the “complementary
medicine” approach where conventional and alternative therapies
proceed in parallel will not hurt anyone physically (although it is a
waste of time and money).

Creation versus Evolution
=========================

5.1: Is the Bible evidence of anything?
—————————————

Apart from the beliefs of those who wrote it, no. It is true that
most Christians take the truth of at least some parts of the bible as
an article of faith, but non-Christians are not so constrained.
Quoting the bible to such a person as “evidence” will simply cause
them to question the accuracy of the bible. See the alt.atheism FAQ
lists for more details.

Some things in the bible are demonstrably true, but this does not make
the bible evidence, since there are also things in the bible that are
demonstrably false.

5.2: Could the Universe have been created old?
———————————————-

An argument is sometimes put forwards along the following lines:

We know from biblical evidence (see above) that the Universe
is about 6,000 years old. Therefore God created it 6,000
years ago with fossils in the ground and light on its way from
distant stars, so that there is no way of telling the real age
of the Universe simply by looking at it.

This hypothesis is unfalsifiable, and therefore not a scientific one
(see the section on the scientific method). It could also be made for
any date in the past (like last Tuesday). Finally it requires that
God, who is alleged to speak to us through His Works, should be lying
to us by setting up a misleading Creation. This seems to be rather
inconsistent with Biblical claims of God being the source of all
truth.

Note that this argument is not put forward by creation scientists.
They hold that modern science has misinterpreted the evidence about
the age of the universe.

5.3: What about Carbon-14 dating?
———————————

Isotope dating takes advantage of the fact that radioactive materials
break down at a rate independent of their environment. Any solid
object that formed containing radioactive materials therefore steadily
loses them to decay. If it is possible to compare the amount of
radioactive material currently present with the amount originally
present, one can deduce how long ago the object was formed. The amount
originally present cannot, of course, be observed directly, but can be
determined by indirect means, such as identifying the decay products.

C-14 dating uses an unstable isotope of carbon that is constantly
being produced in the upper atmosphere by cosmic rays. This process is
assumed to be in equilibrium with the decay of C-14 throughout the
biosphere, so the proportion of carbon that is C-14 as opposed to the
stable C-12 and C-13 isotopes is essentially constant in any living
organism. When an organism dies, it stops taking up new carbon from
its environment, but the C-14 in its body continues to decay. By
measuring the amount of C-14 left in organic remains, one can
establish how long ago the organism they came from died. Because C-14
has a half-life of only a few thousand years, C-14 dating can only be
used for remains less than a few tens of thousands of years old–
after that, the C-14 is entirely gone, to all practical purposes.
Other isotopic dating techniques, such as potassium-argon dating, use
much longer-lived radionuclides and can reliably measure dates
billions of years in the past.

Actually the production rate isn’t all that constant, so the amount of
C-14 in the biosphere varies somewhat with time. You also need to be
sure that the only source of carbon for the organism was atmospheric
carbon (via plants). The nominal date from a C-14 reading, based on
the present concentration, therefore has to be corrected to get the
real date — but once the correction has been calculated using an
independent dating tool like dendrochronology (see below), it can be
applied to almost any sample.

There are some known anomolies in C14 dating, such as molluscs that
get their carbon from water. Creationists seem to make a habit of
taking samples that are known to be useless for C14 dating, presenting
them to scientists for examination, representing them as other than
they are, and then claiming the anomalous dates they get for them as
evidence that C14 dating is all a sham.

While it is true that there *may* be unknown errors in some dating
methods (see the note in section 0 about science “proving” things)
this assertion cannot be used to write off isotope dating as evidence
of an ancient Earth. This is because:

o There are several independent ways of dating objects, including
radio-isotopes, dendrochronology, position in rock strata etc.
These all give a consistent picture.

o Dating methods all point to an *old* Earth, about *half a million*
times older than the Creationists claim. This requires dating
methods which are accurate up to 6,000 years ago and then suddenly
start to give completely wrong (but still consistent) answers. Even
if our dating methods are out by a factor of 10 or 100, the earth is
still thousands of times older than Creationists claim.

5.4: What is dendrochronology?
——————————

The science of dating wood by a study of annual rings.

[These figures and references come from a longer summary e-mailed to me
by . Any mistakes are mine. PAJ]

Everyone knows that when you cut down a tree the cut surface shows a
series of concentric rings, and that one of these rings is added each
year as the tree grows. The lighter part of the ring is the summer
growth and the darker part is the winter growth. Hence you can date a
tree by counting the rings.

But the rings are not evenly spaced. Some rings are wider than
others. These correspond to good and poor growing seasons. So if you
have a piece of wood cut down a few thousand years ago, you can date
it by comparing the pattern of rings in your sample to known patterns
in recently cut trees (Bristlecone pines exist which are over 4600
years old, and core samples allow ring counting without killing the
tree).

Now for the clever bit. The tree from which your sample came may have
been old before any trees now alive were even saplings. So you can
extend the known pattern of rings back even further, and hence date
samples of wood which are even older. By lining up samples of wood in
this way, dendrochronologists have been able to produce a continuous
pattern of rings going back around 9,900 years. This easily refutes
the chronology of Bishop Usher, who calculated from dates and ages
given in the Bible that the Earth was created in 4004 BC.

Dendrochronology is also valuable in providing calibration data for
C14 and other isotope dating methods. See the previous question for
more details.

~References:

“Dendrochronology of the Bristlecone Pine…..”
by C. W. Ferguson, 1970. Published in a book called
“Radiocarbon Variations and Absolute Chronology”

This takes the record back 7484 years. I am told that more recent
work published in Nature in 1991 [exact reference anyone?] has pushed
this back to the 9,900 years I mentioned above.

5.5: What is evolution? Where can I find out more?
—————————————————

Many creationist “refutations” of evolution are based on a straw-man
argument. The technique is to misrepresent the theory of evolution,
putting forward an absurd theory as “what scientists claim”. The
absurdity of this pseudo-evolution theory is then ridiculed.

Debunking all these refutations would take a lot of space. Instead I
suggest that anyone interested should go and read the FAQ lists over
on talk.origins. These contain good explanations of what evolution is
(and isn’t). Books and essays on the subject by Stephen Jay Gould are
good, and “The Blind Watchmaker” by Richard Dawkins is the sort of
book that makes you want to find a creationist to argue with.

5.6: “The second law of thermodynamics says….
———————————————–

…that entropy is always increasing. Entropy is a measure of the
randomness in a system. So the universe is getting more and more
disordered. But if this is so, how can life happen, since
evolutionists claim essentially that life is a system that becomes
more ordered with time?”

In fact this is a misstatement of the law. Here is one generally
accepted statement of the Second Law:

No process is possible whose *sole* result is a heat flow out of
a system and at a given temperature and the performance of work
with that energy.

In other words, you can’t get work except by exploiting a temperature
gradient (at least, not thermodynamically – forms of potential energy
other than heat may be used – but they can also be used to make a
heat gradient).

Notice that this statement of the second law doesn’t mention the word
“disorder”. In fact, the principle of entropy increase also does not,
since entropy is a thermodynamic state variable whose definition is
independent of such ill-defined terms as “disorder”.

So, where does this idea that entropy is a measure of “disorder” come
from – and what does it mean anyway? Well, the idea comes from a
misstatement of the theory of statistical mechanics. And the meaning
is nil – since the term “disorder” has no precise scientific meaning
anyway.

In statistical mechanics, “entropy” is defined in terms of the number
of distinct energy “microstates” that are possible within the system.
This diversity of states was (and sometimes still is) informally
called “disorder” by some statistical mechanics experts when trying to
convey a feel for the subject to lay audiences. It was never a
technical term – and never had any specific meaning in the theory.
The term “disorder” applied in this way is misleading (or, at best,
meaningless). A room which is messy would be informally called
“disordered” by most people – even if they’re ignorant (as most are)
of the entropy of the room. The room might actually have a *higher*
entropy after it has been cleaned.

In addition the laws of thermodynamics only apply to closed systems
(which the Earth is not). Small parts of such a closed system can
show a decrease in entropy, but only if some other part has a higher
entropy. Entropy in the system as a whole will always increase.

For instance, when you freeze water the molecules of H2O line up in
beautifully organised crystals. This organisation does not violate
the second law of thermodynamics because the work done by the freezer
in extracting the heat from the water has caused the total entropy of
the *universe* to rise, even though the entropy of the *water* has
decreased.

Similarly the existence of life on earth has not decreased the entropy
of the universe, so the second law has not been violated.

5.7: How could living organisms arise “by chance”?
————————————————–

This is actually a less sophisticated version of the question above.
Consider the freezing water in the example. The wonderful arrangement
in crystals arises from the random movement of water molecules. But
ice crystals do not require divine intervention as an explanation, and
neither does the evolution of life.

Also, consider a casino. An honest casino makes a profit from
roulette wheels. The result of a spin of a particular wheel is purely
random, but casinos make very predictable profits. So in evolutionary
theory, even though the occurence of a particular mutation is random,
the overall effect of improved adaptation to the environment over time
is not.

The actual origin of life is more problematical. If you stick some
ammonia, methane and a few other simple chemicals into a jar and
subject them to ultraviolet light then after a week or two you get a
mixture of organic molecules, including amino acids (the building
blocks of protein). So current theories propose a “primordial soup”
of dilute organic chemicals. Somewhere a molecule happened to form
which could make copies of itself out of other molecules floating
around in the soup, and the rest is history.

Ilya Prigogine’s work in non-equilibrium thermodynamics (for which he
received a Nobel prize) shows that thermodynamic systems far out of
equilibrium tend to produce spontaneous order through what he calls
“dissipative structures”. Dissipative structures trade a *local*
increase in orderliness for faster overall increase in entropy. Life
can be viewed as a dissipative structure in exactly this sense — not
a wildly improbable freak of combinations but as a natural, indeed
inevitable result of the laws of thermodynamics.

5.8: But doesn’t the human body seem to be well designed?
———————————————————

Not to me. Consider a few pieces of the human body for a moment. The
back for instance. The reason we poor humans suffer so much from back
problems is that the back is actually not well designed. And what
about human reproduction. Can you imagine any engineer being proud of
having designed *that*?

5.9: What about the thousands of scientists who have become Creationists?
————————————————————————-

This outrageous claim is frequently made by creationists, but somehow
these mystery scientists are never identified. It is claimed that
these conversions have been caused by “the evidence”, but this
evidence never seems to be forthcoming either.

To test this claim, try looking up “creation” and “bible” in any
biology or paleontology journal index.

Even if this claim were true, it would not be a reason to become a
creationist. The only reason for adopting creationism as a scientific
theory would be the production of convincing evidence.

5.10: Is the Speed of Light Decreasing?
—————————————

The origin of this claim is a paper by Norman & Setterfield which
plots various historical measurements of the speed of light and claims
to show a steady decrease. Extrapolating backwards, they conclude
that the Universe is only about 6,000 years old.

The first point about their paper is that it was originally
distributed in Stanford Research Institute covers, and is sometimes
described as an SRI report. However SRI did not have anything to do
with the report and are tired of answering queries about it.

Norman & Setterfield appear to have selected their data in order to
support their hypothesis: graphs include only those points which are
close to the “theoretical” curve while ommitting points which are not
close to the curve. This curve gives an inverse cosecant relationship
between time and the speed of light. There is no justification for
such a curve: the usual curve for a decaying value is exponential and
this would have fitted the plotted data just as well as the inverse
cosecant chosen by Norman and Setterfield.

5.11: What about Velikovsky?
—————————-

In the 1950s a Russian psychologist named Immanuel Velikovsky wrote
“Worlds in Collision”. This book and its successors are remarkable
for the density of scientific, archeological and mythological howlers.
There are far to many to list here, but most are sufficient to cast
serious doubt on his knowledge of any of these fields, and many are so
large that even one is enough to refute the entire theory.

Much of Velilovsky’s proof lies in statements of the form “The reason
for is not known. My theory explains it as follows:”. Many of
these reasons were in fact known when Velikovsky wrote, and many
others have been discovered since. None of these reasons bear any
relationship to Velikovksy’s theory. The predictive value of the
theory appears to be nil.

The books lack any mathematical analysis at all, which is strange
considering that mathematics is the language of science, especially
physics and astronomy.

Some of the more noticable howlers are:

1: Strange orbits which cannot be explained in terms of Newtonian
mechanics (or indeed anything less than an angel sitting on a
planet and steering it like a starship!).

2: The Earth’s spin being altered suddenly by a close encounter with
Venus, and then restored. Where to begin? Planets just don’t do
that.

3: A confusion between hydrocarbons (e.g petrol, mineral oil, tar) and
carbohydrates (e.g sugar, starch, glucose).

4: World-shaking events (literally) which were accurately recorded by
the Isralites but not even noticed anywhere else, even quite close
by.

5: Ancient records (e.g Mayan, Sumerian and Chinese astronomical
observations) which contradict Velikovsky’s theory.

Velikovsy’s supporters often cite a conspiracy theory to explain why
the world of science refuses to take these ideas seriously. See
section 0 of this FAQ.

For more information, see:

Worlds in Collision
Immanuel Velikovsky

Earth in Upheaval
Immanuel Velikovsky

Velikovsky Reconsidered
The Editors of Pensee
(has a lot of his papers in it, along with other papers pro-V.)

Scientists Confront Velikovsky
Donald Goldsmith

Beyond Velikovsky: The History of a Public Controversy
Henry H. Bauer

Broca’s Brain
Carl Sagan

Jim Meritt has posted a long article on
talk.origins which systematically demolishes Velikovsky’s ideas. I
don’t know if it is archived anywhere. This section attempts to
summarise it. Most discussion of Velikovsky occurs on talk.origins.

Fire-walking
============

WARNING: Whatever the truth about firewalking may be, it is a
potentially dangerous activity. Do not attempt it without
expert guidance.

[Please could one of the firewalkers on the net contribute a paragraph
or two for this section. PAJ]

6.1: Is fire-walking possible?
——————————

Yes. It is possible to walk on a bed of burning wood without being
hurt.

6.2: Can science explain fire-walking?
————————————–

There are a number of theories which have been put forward to explain
firewalking. Any or all may be the explanation for a particular
event.

o The dry wood coals used by firewalkers conduct heat very poorly.
The coal itself may be very hot but it will not transfer that heat
to something touching it.

o The coals are a very uneven surface, and the actual surface area of
foot touching the coals is very small. Hence the conduction of heat
is even slower.

o Wood coals have a very low heat capacity, so although they are very
hot there is actually not much heat energy to be transferred to the
foot.

o Firewalkers do not spend very much time on the coals, and they keep
moving. Jan Willem Nienhuys adds that about 1
second total contact time per foot seems on the safe side.

o Blood is a good conductor of heat. What heat does get through is
quickly conducted away from the soles of the feet.

o The “Leidenfrost” effect may play a part. This occurs when a cold,
wet object (like a foot) touches a hot, dry object (like a burning
coal). The water vaporises, creating a barrier of steam between the
hot and cold objects. Hence the two objects do not actually touch
and evaporation from the cold object is much slower than might
otherwise be expected. Since steam is a relatively poor conductor
of heat the foot does not get burned. Jearl Walker, of Scientific
American’s “The Amateur Scientist” column, explains the Leidenfrost
effect in the August 1977 issue; he walked across coals unharmed and
attributes this to the Leidenfrost effect. Other scientists believe
that the Leidenfrost effect is unimportant in firewalking.

Some firewalkers put forward mystical explanations of why firewalking
is possible. A few skeptics have challenged these firewalkers to
stand on hot metal plates instead of coals. Others have pointed out
that making such a challenge in the belief that the firewalker would
be seriously hurt is of dubious morality.

New Age
=======

7.1: What do New Agers believe?
——————————-

An awful lot, it would seem. New Age seems to be a sort of
“roll-your-own” religion. Some of the more common threads include:

o Divination, especially Tarot, I-Ching, and Western and Chinese
Astrology.

o Green politics, especially the more extreme “deep green” movements.

o Flying saucers.

o “Alternative” health (see above).

o Vegetarianism.

o Pacifism.

o Conspiracy theories to explain why the rest of the world does not
follow the same beliefs.

o Rejection of science and logic as tools for understanding the
universe. A reliance on feelings and intuition as guides to action.

o Pseudo-scientific jargon. New Agers talk about “rebalancing energy
fields” and “vibrational frequencies”. These sound vaguely
scientific but in fact have no meaning at all.

o Eastern religions, especially “cult” religions. Mainstream eastern
religions such as Hinduism and Sihkism don’t seem to attract New Age
believers. Most New Agers are actively against organised
Christianity, but some favour heretical variants such as Gnosticism.

Not all of these are bad just because New Age people follow them, but
the rejection of logical argument as a basis for belief and action
often leads to bizarre beliefs and futile actions. A recent example
was the vandalism of a GPS satellite while it was waiting to be
launched. The vandals claimed that GPS was part of a nuclear
first-strike system. In fact ICBMs use inertial guidance instead of
GPS, and have done for decades.

[Would any New Agers out there like to try summarising their beliefs
in a few paragraphs for this section? PAJ]

7.2: What is the Gaia hypothesis?
———————————

There are several versions:

Religious: The planet (or the ecosphere) is aware, or at least alive,
and tries to preserve itself.

Strong: The planet/ecosphere reacts to preserve a homeostasis; if, for
example, global warming raises the temperature then various
changes in the planet’s biota will occur, which will (in some
period of time) lower the temperature.

Weak: Life affects the conditions of life.

No scientist would disagree with the weak version given here; at the
other extreme, the “religious” version is not science (unless we can
find signs of that awareness).

Not only can we look at the ozone hole, global warming, or human
pollution, but the presence of oxygen in the atmosphere is also due to
the presence of life.

The strong hypothesis is very much a matter of debate. Most
scientists don’t believe it, some don’t think it’s science, but others
feel they have good evidence. Some point to Le Chatelier’s principle
(a system in equilibrium, when disturbed, reacts to as to tend to
restore the original equilibrium). However the ice ages suggest that
the Earth is not in long-term equilibrium.

For a range of interesting perspectives on the Gaia hypothesis, see
the SF novel “Earth” by David Brin.

Was Nostradamus a prophet?
————————–

No. His supporters are very good at predicting events after the fact,
often relying on doubtful translations of the original French to
bolster their case. But they have had absolutely no success at
predicting the future. Up until a few years ago most Nostradamus
books were predicting a nuclear war in the next few years.

The prophecies are very general, with lots of symbolism. It is very
easy to find connections between these symbols and almost anything
else, particularly if you allow multi-lingual puns and rhymes.

A good general reference on Nostradamus is:

The Mask of Nostradamus
James Randi
Charles Scribner’s Sons
ISBN 0-684-19056-7
BF1815.N8R35 1990

7.4: Does astrology work?
————————-

No. A number of studies have been done which have failed to find any
predictive power in astrology. Psychologists have also done studies
showing that people will agree with almost any statement made about
them provided that it is a mild compliment.

A good report about research into astrology is:
Carlson, Shawn. (1985) “A double-blind test of astrology”,
Nature, 318 (Dec. 5), 419-425.

7.4.1: Could astrology work by gravity?
—————————————

Some people argue that we are affected by the gravity of the planets
(just as tides are caused by the gravity of the Moon and Sun), and
that this is the connection between the motion of the planets and
mundane events on Earth.

Leaving aside the fact that astrology doesn’t work (see above),
gravity is simply too weak to do this. Gravitational force on a mass
(such as a human being) decreases with the square of the distance to
the other mass. But the Earth is affected just as strongly by the
other mass, and accelerates slightly towards it. So the net effect on
us is nil. What is important is the difference in gravity between the
two sides of the mass. This decreases with the *third* power of the
distance (i.e. very fast) but increases with the distance between the
near and far sides. Hence the Moon and Sun cause tides because the
Earth is very large. But the difference in gravity between one end of
a human and the other is absolutely miniscule.

Also, if this were the mechanism behind astrology then the most
significant thing in astrology would be the position of the Moon, with
the time of day coming second (as it is for tides). The position of
the planets would be completely irrelevant because they are so much
further away than the Moon and so much smaller than the Sun.

7.4.2: What is the `Mars Effect’?
———————————

French scientist Michael Gauquelin has discovered an apparent
correlation between the position of some planets at the time of birth
and the career followed as an adult. The strongest correlation is
between the time when Mars rises on the day of birth and athletic
prowess. However:

o The Effect seems to come and go depending on exactly what the sample
population is. Most of the controversy seems to revolve around who
did what to which sample populations.

o `Mundane’ mechanisms for the Mars Effect correlations have been
proposed which invoke the age grouping of school athletic
activities.

o Nothing found by Gaugelin bears any resemblance to classical
astrology, so claims that Gaugelin has somehow “validated” astrology
are bogus.

7.5: What is Kirlian Photography?
———————————

[Information from a posting by Dave Palmer ]

The technique involves applying a high-frequency, high-voltage
electrical source (such as from a Tesla coil) to a subject. The source
is also very low-current, so the subject does not get electrocuted
(it’s the current in electricity that does the harm, not the voltage).
When this is done, an “aura” of lightning-like electrical discharges
forms around the subject. This field is visible to the naked eye (in
a dark room, anyway), and may be photographed. Adherents of Kirlian
photography claim that this field is some sort of “life energy” which
may indicate things about the subject, such as health, psychic
ability, and so forth. They claim that Kirlian photography sometimes
shows the “phantom effect.” That is, if a limb is amputated from the
subject (or, less gruesomely, if a piece is torn off a leaf), that the
field will still show the missing piece for a time, because its “life
energy” is still there.

There is no truth to the claims that it shows any sort of “aura” or
“life energy.” It is merely a coronal discharge, complete with ozone
production. The most damaging argument against the “life energy” claim
is that Kirlian photography works on ANY subject that conducts
electricity, even completely lifeless metal, or synthetic sponges
soaked in salt water.

The field produced jumps around quite a bit. Because the shape of the
field changes, it can occasionally appear to outline non-existent
areas of the subject, hence the phantom effect. Dave Palmer reports
producing the phantom effect with tin foil about as often with leaves.
Far more often, he got false phantom effects, that is, pictures of
pieces of the subject that had never existed.

Strange Machines: Free Energy and Anti-Gravity
==============================================

8.1: Why don’t electrical perpetual motion machines work?
———————————————————

Electrical perpetual motion machinists usually present a machine that
causes a small battery to generate a huge amount of power. The most
common problem here is that the “huge amount of power” was incorrectly
measured. AC power measurements are tricky; you can’t just multiply
the voltage and current, because they may be out of phase. Thus,
measuring 10 Volts and 10 Amps could indicate anything from 0 to 100
Watts, depending on the power factor. In addition, most AC meters
expect a sinusoidal wave; if they are given some other wave they may
be totally wrong. A simple argument against these machines is; “If
they can provide so much energy, why do they need the battery to keep
going?”

8.2: Why don’t mechanical perpetual motion machines work?
———————————————————

Mechanical perpetual motion machines depend on rising and descending
weights. The problem is that the amount of energy that you get out of
a descending weight is exactly the same amount that it took to raise
the weight in the first place: gravity is said to be a “conservative”
force. So no matter what the weights do, you can’t get energy out.

8.3: Why don’t magnetic perpetual motion machines work?
——————————————————-

Magnetic motors have a clever arrangement of magnets which keeps the
motor rotating forever. Not surprisingly, whenever someone tries to
build one, the motor rotates for a while and then stops — this is
usually attributed to the magnets “wearing out”. These motors usually
rely on using magnets as low-friction bearings, meaning the “motor”
can coast for a long time, but it doesn’t supply any power. Magnetism
is like gravity; you can store potential energy and get it back, but
you can’t get more energy no matter what you try.

8.4: Magnets can levitate. Where is the energy from?
—————————————————–

Levitating magnets do not require energy, any more than something
resting on a table requires energy. Energy is the capacity for doing
work. Work can be measured by force times distance. Although the
magnets are exerting a force the levitated object is stationary, so
the magnets aren’t supplying any energy.

8.5: But its been patented!
—————————

So what? Patent offices will not grant a patent on a “perpetual
motion machine” (some just require a working model) but if you call it
a “vacuum energy device” and claim that it gets its energy from some
previously unknown source then you can probably get a patent. Patent
offices are there to judge whether something has been invented before,
not whether it will work. The ban on devices labelled “perpetual
motion” is a special case because the patent officers dislike being
cited as some sort of approval by con-men.

8.6: The oil companies are conspiring to suppress my invention
————————————————————–

This is a conspiracy theory. See the entry on these in section 0.

In most of the US the utility companies are *required by law* to buy
your excess electricity if you produce your own. If you’ve got an
energy machine, build it in your basement, phase match it to the line,
and enjoy.

8.7: My machine gets its free energy from
———————————————

A number of machines have been proposed which are not “perpetual
motion” machines in the sense of violating the law of conservation of
energy. Mostly these are based on bogus science. One inventor claims
that atoms of copper wire are being converted to energy in accordance
with Einstein’s “e=mc^2”. However he fails to explain what causes
this transformation and how this energy is converted into electrical
energy rather than gamma rays or heat.

Occasionally one sees a machine which could work in theory but would
produce very tiny amounts of energy. For instance, one can set up a
gyroscope which always points in one direction (this is how the
gyrocompass in an aircraft works). The earth will rotate underneath
this once every day (to an observer standing on the Earth it looks
like the gyro is rotating). So you could attach gears and a generator
to the gyroscope and use this rotation to get electricity. The
4,320,000:1 gearing required is left as an exercise for the student,
as is naming the source of the energy it would generate.

8.8: Can gyroscopes neutralise gravity?
—————————————

Gyroscopes (or gyros) are a favorite of “lift” machine inventors
because many people have come across them and they behave rather
oddly. However there is nothing all that mysterious about the
behaviour of gyros. You can use Newtonian physics to explain them.
Briefly, if you imagine a bit of metal on the edge of a spinning gyro,
then to turn the gyro you have to stop the bit of metal moving in its
current direction and start it moving in another direction. To do
this when it is moving fast you have to push it rather hard. Nothing
about this makes the thing get any lighter (in fact to be pedantic,
the gyro gets very slightly heavier when it spins, in accordance with
Einstein’s theory of relativity.)

8.9: My prototype gets lighter when I turn it on
————————————————

Weighing something which is vibrating on ordinary scales is a sure way
of getting a wrong answer. The vibration from the machine combines
with “stiction” in the scales to give a false reading. As a result
the weight reductions reported for such machines are always close to
the limits of accuracy of the scales used.

AIDS
====

9.1: What about these theories on AIDS?
—————————————

There are two AIDS theories that often appear in sci.skeptic. The
first is Strecker’s theory that the CIA invented HIV by genetic
engineering; the second is Duesberg’s theory that HIV has nothing to
do with AIDS.

9.1.1: The Mainstream Theory
—————————-

The generally accepted theory is that AIDS is caused by the Human
Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). There are two different versions of
HIV: HIV-1 and HIV-2. These viruses are believed, on the basis of
their genetic sequences, to have evolved from the Simian
Immunodeficiency Virus (SIV), with HIV-2 being much more similar to
SIV. Several years after the initial HIV infection, the immune system
is weakened to the point where opportunistic infections occur,
resulting in the syndrome of AIDS. A good reference for more
information on the “mainstream” view of AIDS is:

The Science of AIDS : readings from Scientific American magazine.
New York : W.H. Freeman, c1989.

More recently, it has been proposed that AIDS is actually an
auto-immune disease (where the body’s defences attack healthy cells in
error) which is triggered by HIV.

9.1.2: Strecker’s CIA Theory
—————————-

Strecker’s theory is that the CIA made HIV in the 1970’s by combining
bovine leukemia virus (BLV) and sheep visna virus (OLV). The evidence for
this theory is that the government was looking at biological warfare around
then, and that there are some structural similarities between HIV and BLV
and visna. The evidence against this theory is:

a: HIV has been found in preserved blood samples from the 1950’s.
[Anyone have a reference for this?]
b: We didn’t have the biotechnology back then for the necessary gene
splicing. (But maybe the CIA has secret advanced technology?)
c: The genetic sequences for HIV, SIV, BLV, and OLV are freely
available (e.g. from genbank). You can look at them and compare
them yourself. The HIV sequence is totally different from BLV and
OLV, but is fairly similar to SIV, just as the scientists say.

One school of thought holds that the “AIDS was a U.S. biological
warfare experiment” myth was extensively spread as part of a
dezinformatsiya campaign by Department V of the Soviet KGB (their
`active measures’ group). They may not have invented the premise
(Soviet disinformation doctrine favored legends originated by third
parties), but they added a number of signature details such as the
name of the supposed development site (usually Fort Meade in Maryland)
which still show up in most retellings.

According to a defector who was once the KGB chief rezident in Great
Britain, the KGB promulgated this legend through controlled sources in
Europe and the Third World. The Third World version (only) included
the claim that HIV was the result of an attempt to build a “race
bomb”, a plague that would kill only non-whites.

Also see the question in section 0 about Conspiracy Theories.

9.1.3: Duesberg’s Risk-Group Theory
———————————–

Duesberg’s theory is: HIV is a harmless retrovirus that may serve as a
marker for people in AIDS high-risk groups. AIDS is not a contagious
syndrome caused by one conventional virus or microbe. AIDS is
probably caused by conventional pathogenic factors: administration of
blood transfusions or drugs, promiscuous male homosexual activity
associated with drugs, acute parasitic infections, and malnutrition.
Drugs such as AZT promote AIDS, rather than fight it. His theory is
explained in detail in “Human Immunodeficiency Virus and Acquired
Immunodeficiency Syndrome: Correlation but not Causation”, Proc. Natl.
Acad. Sci. USA V86 pp.755-764, (Feb. 1989).

He claims as evidence for his theory:

a: HIV does not meet Koch’s postulates for the causative agent of an
infectious disease.
b: The conversion rate from HIV infection to AIDS depends greatly on
the country and risk group membership, so HIV isn’t sufficient to
cause AIDS.
c: The HIV virus is minimally active, does not seem to infect many
cells, and is suppressed by the immune system, so how could it
cause problems?
d: It takes between 2 and 15 years from HIV infection for AIDS to
occur. HIV should cause illness right away or never.
e: HIV is similar to other retroviruses that don’t cause AIDS. There
seems to be nothing special about HIV that would cause AIDS.
f: AIDS patients suffer very different diseases in the US and Africa,
which suggests that the cofactors are responsible, not AIDS.
g: How could two viruses, HIV-1 and HIV-2, evolve at the same time?
It doesn’t seem likely that two deadly viruses would show up
together.

Virtually the entire scientific community considers Duesberg a flake,
although he was a respected researcher before he came out with his
theory about AIDS. There is no suggestion that his theories are the
result of a political agenda or homophobia.

Some of the arguments against him are:

a: People who receive HIV tainted blood become HIV+ and come down with
AIDS. People who receive HIV-free blood don’t get AIDS (unless
they get HIV somewhere else). Thus, it is the HIV, not the
transfusion, that causes AIDS.
b: The risk factors (homosexuality, drug use, transfusions, etc.) have
been around for a very long time, but AIDS doesn’t show up until
HIV shows up. People who engage in homosexuality, drug use, etc.
but aren’t exposed to HIV don’t get AIDS. On the other hand,
people who aren’t members of “risk groups” but are exposed to HIV
get AIDS. Thus, it is the HIV, not the risk factors, that causes
AIDS.
c: With a few recent exceptions, everyone with an AIDS-like immune
deficiency tests positive for HIV. Everyone with HIV apparently
gets AIDS eventually, after an average of 8 years.
d: Koch’s postulates are more of historical interest than practical
use. There are many diseases that don’t satisfy the postulates.
e: It is not understood exactly how HIV causes AIDS, but a lack of
understanding of the details isn’t a reason to reject HIV.
f: A recent study matched up people in the same risk groups and found
those with HIV got AIDS but those without HIV didn’t. The study
was titled “HIV causes AIDS”.

More information can be found in published rebuttals to Duesberg, such
as in Nature V345 pp.659-660 (June 21, 1990), and in Duesberg’s debate
with Blattner, Gallo, Temin, Science V241 pp.514-517 (1988).

A True American’s Guide To Success In Lower Education By Peregrinus Jupiter, 1992

A True American’s Guide to Success in Lower Education
by
Peregrinus Jupiter

15 July, 1992

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, to front only the
essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and
not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live
what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation,
unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the
marrow of life…” –Henry David Thoreau, `Walden’

It is to this spirit of life that this file is dedicated. Education, in
its purest and most noblest form happens all the time, and most real education
happens when we put all the frivolities of the world aside and look life smack
in the face. It was Socrates who said that the unexamined life is not worth
living. So therefore, if you are reading this file to avoid gaining the
understanding of life that makes us human, go jump off a cliff.

Education involves reading and thinking and observing and confronting. The
process of gaining a true education is a source of true ecstacy for the spirit.
It’s an ecstacy that drugs or alcohol cannot approximate. Gaining a true
education can also be disturbing. You may discover that you are not who you
thought you were; that other things are not what you thought they were.
Fundamental and unalterable concepts which guided your life since you sucked the
milk from your mother’s breasts may suddenly dissolve. You may find yourself
soaring to the heights of Olympus on the breath of Truth or you may find
yourself throuwn against the brick wall of nihilism. But one thing is for
certain: you will not die without having lived.

Ok, I think that was enough Jack Handey to scare off the undesirables. Now
I’ll get to the point of all this. The very institution which is the arbiter of
education in our society — school — has little to do with true education.
Even the best schools infringe on the true exploration of the truths of the
Universe, and the worst…well, exhibit more than a utilitarian interest in
Truth and be labelled a nerd or a geek and be shoved into a locker. Don’t let
them kid you; school is a Behemoth which is engulfing humanity one spirit at a
time.

So to get right to it, this file will give you some advice on how to spend
as little time on school as you possibly can, and leave as much time as possible
for your real education. There are some quick tricks involved, but these are
few. The real way to go about things is image projection. This file will help
you learn to project the images you need to to turn things your way and get out
of wasting more time than you need to on fulfilling the requirements of school,
while getting good grades. I’ll use myself as an example. Although I did less
work than almost everyone in my class, I graduated third in my class, got a
fistful of awards, got over $12,000 in scholarship money and will be attending
an Ivy League school next year. So NYAH to you!

Ok, before we get started, there’s just a few things…

1.) I sure as hell hope you’re smart. Don’t try to pull this off if you’re not.
Seriously: following the advice this file gives is not easy. You’ll most
likely get yourself into some sticky situations, and you’d better be able
to bullshit your way out of them.

2.) Start as early as you can at a particular school. The worst-case scenario
in the public schools, where you’re labelled one way or the other since
kindergarten. A good time to start following this advice is about the
beginning of sophomore year in high school. If you’re younger than that, I
doubt you have the ability to put into practice these directives.

3.) If you can’t see yourself doing these things, don’t. It’s as simple as
that. Don’t try to fake it, you’ll just have to study like everyone else.

Ok, let’s go.

“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”
“Those who can’t teach, teach gym.” (corellary)

Why do teachers teach? It’s not for the money, that’s for sure. We’ll
separate teachers into three classes:

TYPE A: Up-and-comings. These teachers don’t like teaching. They’re using it
as a stepping stone to a brilliant career in another field, more often than not
one their parents pushed them into. Sometimes they majored in something
ludicrous in college and have nothing else to do with the degree. Eventually if
they keep teaching they may evolve into types B or C. These can be difficult
ones to play. As a general rule, the smarter they are, the better off you are.

TYPE B: Assholes. No other field in the world other than education would
put up with these people. If you get the feeling that a particular teacher is
in it just because they have a compulsive need to pick on you, they’re probably
type B. Anal-retentives, shop teachers, gym teachers, and like fit in here.
Don’t fuck with these people at first. When you’re good at what you’re doing,
these will be the easiest type to play. But for now, lay off them.

TYPE C: “Quality-teachers.” Christa McAulliffe types. These are the jackpot.
They are in it because they are devoted to learning and education and the like.
These are the people who could teach at Universities if they wanted to, but they
don’t. THey teach honors courses. With just a little work, you can play these
types like a fiddle. Oh, and if they graduated during the sixties, man o MAN
you’re gonna have some fun.

Marvelous. Now, what’s the point of breaking down all your teachers into three
groups? Damned if I know. But in general, you should get inside the mind of all
your teachers. Find out how they think. Find out what moves them. Find the
skeletons in their closets. Do some good clean Freudian analysis. Do this even
before you get them. If you’re aspiring to the Ivy League or to a good college,
try to get Type C teachers. Chances are, if a course is taught by a Type B
person, that’s not the type of course that will help you in your application.
If you find that you like taking shop and gym and home economics, Godspeed and
hope you enjoy East Bumfuck Community College!

Dandy. I’m scaring off people by the millions. If you’re left, hello. I like
you. Let’s get to work.

The first rule that you must learn is: Teachers give smart kids good grades.

Let’s dissect the sentence.

TEACHERS… yeah, the guy with the suspenders and tie at the front of the class
pretending to be a professional.

SMART KIDS. Hold on a minute. You know that girl in your class that studies
40 hours a week, gets all A’s, everyone expects to go to Harvard, never gets a
date in her life? You know her? (Let’s call her Mary; she’s probably a
virgin…) She’s not smart. She thinks an A+ on the report card is the meaning
of life. She WORKS for her grades. If you want to work for your grades, by
all means do so. You don’t need this textfile.

Now you….you’re smart. You know you are. You’re not interested in anal-
retentive little details. You’re a “deep thinker.” You see things other
people don’t. You understand yourself better than other people do. You’re
often spaced out. You have a lot of good horse sense. Oh, and you’re
reading this textfile. There, that proves it.

GIVE…Mary earns her grades. You’re not interested in earning your grades.
You want teachers to GIVE them to you.

GRADES…Those oppressive little marks which will dictate the rest of your
life. That fact that you’re about to cheat your way around them proves they
are lousy.

Teachers give smart kids good grades. It’s quite simple.

Now wait a minute, you’re saying. Why haven’t I been getting good grades then?

Quite simply, your teachers don’t know you’re smart.

We’re going to change that.

You see, everything has to do with image projection. Your teachers don’t know
you. They only know the image you project in school. So if you can convince
smart, you’ll get good grades. Why? Because your Type C teachers are smart
too! You’re the reason they went IN to teaching in the first place. They WANT
to give you good grades.

Albert Einstein was undoubtedly one of the most brilliant people to ever live.
He saw things back in 1905 that have since proven to be true, but that no one
since can even understand.

Albert Einstein used to show up for work wearing his pajamas. Why? He was so
preoccupied with larger things he’d forget to change his clothes.

You are smart. You’re like Albert Einstein. Einstein forgot to bring his suit
and tie to work. You forget to bring your homework. Why? You’re mind is on
bigger things.

Einstein went to work in his pajamas. Einstein won the Nobel Prize.

You see, the Nobel Committee was willing to overlook the fact that Einstein went
to work in his pajamas because he was SO smart he didn’t have time to think
about his clothes. Likewise, your teachers won’t care if you don’t do your
homework…IF they think you also have your mind occupied with bigger and better
things.

So, here’s how to go about it.

DATELINE: DAY 1. The first day of school. Lovely, lovely. Teachers get awful
sentimental about the first day of school. They’ve got a fresh new crowd of the
*FUTURE OF AMERICA* sitting there waiting for their every word. So don’t
disappoint them! Sit in the front row! Let them see the admiration and wonder
in your eyes. When Mary starts to take notes, take out the notebook (in good
academic form) but don’t take notes. Remember, you’re too smart to worry about
taking notes. Just sit and gaze at the teacher, and follow what he says. Make
eye contact. Be interested in what he wants you to be interested in. Make him
feel like the $20,000 a year is worthwhile. After class, don’t rush off. Stay
and ask a question. Some suggestions:

ENGLISH: I was just interested in how the Department came up with this
particular reading list…

AMERICAN HISTORY: (laugh) I was just wondering if you think we’ll make it to the
Vietnam War this year.

EUROPEAN HISTORY: I was just wondering if the course would be covering Post-
World War II history as well.

AFRICAN HISTORY/WORLD CULTURES: [What the fuck are you taking a politically
course like that for? I sure as hell hope it’s required!]

CALCULUS: What exactly ARE the diffences between the AB and BC Calculus exams.
(Question sure to follow: Are you interested in taking the BC exam?) Answer:
Oh, maybe, I’ll have to see. I do really well with the larger concepts, (laugh)
but my downfall is the addition and subtraction. (i.e., I’m so concerned with
the larger theories of calculus I don’t have time for addition and
subtraction…)

PRE-CALCULUS: Does this course include all the material in the trigonometry
course?

TRIGONOMETRY: I hate to go off on a tangent, but will you cosine this? (Trust
me, they LOVE this one!)

GEOMETRY: Will we also be doing non-Euclidean geometry?

FRENCH (beginning course): I heard that French is harder than Spanish… Why is
that?

FRENCH (advanced course): (laugh) So, are we reading Proust this year?

SPANISH (beginning course): Do they teach the Castillian or the Latin-American
pronunciation in this school?

SPANISH (advanced course): (laugh) So, are we reading Cervantes this year?

GERMAN: Will we be doing a unit on the old German alphabet?

RUSSIAN: Do you know if there are word processor programs for the Cyrillic
alphabet?

ITALIAN: [What the hell are you taking Italian for?]

PORTUGUESE: [Ditto.]

LATIN (beginning course): Is the syntax of the sentences in this text based on
the Classical syntax, like Wheelock?

LATIN (advanced course): Why are are we studying (A) and not (B). [For A and B
substitute Caesar, Ovid, Cicero, Horace, Catullus]

ANCIENT GREEK: How long does it generally take to adjust to the alphabet?

ART OF ANY TYPE: [These teachers are Arch-Type C’s: you can bullshit about
ANYTHING!]

PHILOSOPHY: [Ditto]

BIOLOGY/CHEMISTRY: How much laboratory work will there be?

PHYSICS: Will we be studying primarily Classical Physics or Quantum as well?

GYM: [This is a special case. DON’T stick around to ask a question. Grunt like
a savage as you dash for the showers.]

OTHER: [Use your imagination!]

These types of questions are a good way to get a consistent dialogue going
between you and your teacher. This dialogue is ESSENTIAL!!!!! Talk you your
teachers as often as you can! Discuss the subject and discuss your own reaction
to it. Look as if the things you are learning are REALLY affecting you. And
keep asking these questions all the time…

DATELINE: 1.5 WEEKS. Now’s the time to catch your teacher aside. Look
concerned. Something’s not going right. “Hmm…this is kind of hard to say.
I’m kind of worried about the direction things are going in in class. I mean, I
can see what you’re trying to do….[talk about something the teacher has been
trying to get across] but I’m not sure everyone is picking up on it. (shrug) I
dunno…maybe I get too worried…” Here’s where it’s started. You look deeply
concerned about the direction of things. “Gee,” thinks the teacher, “this kid
is losing sleep over my class. He must be smart!” This will be the first of
your “transcendental” dialogues. Again, here are some examples that worked.

ENGLISH: “I don’t know, I guess it’s just that I’m worried that everyone in the
class is getting so caught up in the details that we’re all missing the point.
I mean this is an AMAZING piece of Literature and I think that that’s being lost
by some of us.” [Note: don’t imply that this is the teacher’s fault, just make
it look like you are lamenting a sad fact of society….]

PHILOSOPHY: “I don’t know, I guess it’s just that I think that we can all be so
sure of ourselves that we refuse to accept what [name of philosopher] is trying
to tell us. I mean, to gain a real understanding of what he’s trying to way, I
think you have to take a great deal on faith to get beyond that…..[grope for
the right word]…. superficial understanding…”

CALCULUS: “Hmm….Some kids in the class had a rough go of things in Pre-Cal
last year, and some of us are worried if that’s likely to slow us up. Or is
this year’s course pretty independent of that…?”

Anyway, you get the point. You’re two weeks in, and you’ve already been noticed
by your teacher. You’re the kid in the class who is affected by what’s going
on. You’re moved by it. You’re disturbed when it doesn’t go right. You’re
always wondering about the philosophical rammifications of things. You’re in
Physics? Suddenly, everything you study changes your perception of the
universe. TALK about these things with your teacher.
Be a teacher’s pet….not by getting perfect grades like Mary, but by being the
type of student your Type C teacher always dreamed about teaching; the type of
student they once were. Plus, you’re setting yourself up to save your ass
later.

OK, so now you’re a month in and you’re bored of studying. Good for you. Get
on with the rest of your life. The teacher loves you. So you can taper off
with studying and doing your homework. However, you always have to make it look
like you are being more and more affected by what you are studying. (By the end
of the year you will be acting like Einstein if all goes well…)

Here’s where the good acting comes in. You HAVE to be messy! Mary is neat.
You are too smart to worry about keeping your papers in order. So LOOK messy.
Have your papers all over the place. Have your homework that first month…but
when they ask for it, purposely take longer and longer to find it. When they
ask where it is, look through the pages of your copy of Scientific American and
`Beyond Good and Evil’ before finding it tucked away on Page 156 of `A Brief
History of Time.’ All the while, you have to look INCREDIBLY confused, like
Einstein fumbling with his pajamas in front of the Nobel Committee. If the
teacher makes a comment about organization, shrug. laugh, and say `I know, I
know… I always try to organize things but I always have so much on my mind I
forget where things are. One time I spent an hour looking for a set of keys I
had in my right hand…” Therefore, deep into month 2 when you start showing up
WITHOUT your homework, it won’t surprise them. They’ll just assume you have it
somewhere. In fact, if you do enough fumbling and rustling to disturb the
class, they’ll probably VOLUNTEER that you turn it later. Neato. As I say, you
can’t go whole hog right away with being irresponsible; you’ve got to work up to
it.

Ok, now we’ve got some other aspects of your personality to develop. Firstly,
you’re going to portray yourself as a Messiah-figure. Except you’re not saving
the world: you’re saving your school. How do you do this? Pick an
extracurricular activity with some level of importance to it. Any school
publication is best; since journalism seems to carry with it this whole attitude
of saving the ignorant masses. I’ve had whole goddamn TESTS delayed as much as
4 days just because I was busy with the school newspaper. Other good choices
are student government, debating society, National Honor Society, and the like.
No one’s going to forgive you if you sacrifice your own grades in the name of
the Chess Team, so be sure that what you do has some high-falootin’ airs about
it. Also, you can’t just act dedicated, you’ve got to be a goddamn martyr. If
you fuck up a test, approach the teacher afterwards and say, “I’m sorry about
the way things have been going for me. It’s just that the newspaper is in
serious danger of folding up altogether, and that would be a disaster for the
way things are around here…” Man, you’ve GOT to attach this serious
importance to what you are doing. Oh, and by the way, pick one thing. A
teacher will forgive you for martyring yourself for one cause, but he will not
let you off the hook for a mediocre interest in 10 causes.

Ok, another thing: You’ve got to appear in frail health all the time. Ways to
do this: During a lecture, hold your head betweem your hands and try to work up
a sweat. Act dead exhausted. If you’re daring, you could even conspicuously
pop a Tylenol. If the teacher asks “are you feeling ok?” you’ve hit the
jackpot. Say “oh, yeah, I’ll be fine, I think maybe I’m not getting enough
sleep. Maybe I’m not getting enough fresh air…” Voila! Act like this often.
And linger after class. If the teacher says “Why aren’t you getting enough
sleep?” here’s the time to act the martyr. “I was so late here with the
newspaper yesterday that I had to stay up all night to finish my homework.”
They’ll love you for that one. If you have an arch-type C like a good English,
Art, or Philosophy teacher, this one is a gem: “I was up `till 4 a.m. last night
reading [insert name of a pillar of Western Literature]; it was just so…I
don’t know….I couldn’t stop reading it.” If they buy this one, you’ll have
them eating out of the palm of your hand for weeks to come.

Benefits of “frail health?”

A.) “I was too sick last night to finish my homework.” Do this one BEFORE
school, not during class when it is collected. Also, NEVER negotiate with a
teacher like this during class because they always have a point to prove. If
you have been successful in portraying yourself as sickly, they will believe
this one, and will give you extra time to do it. Act concerned as hell: “Will I
be able to follow along in class today without having done it? Maybe I start it
at lunch…” Inevitable response “Oh, no, don’t do that, I’m sure you’ll be
fine…”

B.) Time off! Yes, you can stay out sick long and often and no one will get
suspicious. Sick days are an excellent time to do an entire semester’s worth of
homework. This is a good time to mention that if you turn in something wicked
late, they will be less nit-picky about the actual content than they would have
if you had handed it in on time. Why? Because they are bored with the subject
and they have their minds on current things.

C.) Chicken Out! If you have to be in school for something in the morning but
have a test on which you haven’t studied in the afternoon, go home sick! It
won’t surprise anyone. They won’t get suspicious. Exception: Public School
Nurses. These people are trained to harrass the ill: “What’s the matter? Why
are you going home? What are you trying to get out of? A test?” Now, you have
to play the supplicant with your teachers, but DO NOT TAKE SHIT FROM YOUR SCHOOL
NURSE. If the school nurse even suggests that you are going home because of
trying to get out of a test, GIVE THAT LADY THE WRATH OF GOD! Even threaten to
report her to whoever sounds threatening. Oh, and by the way, no matter what
the school nurse tries to pull, she HAS to let you go home. And if you’re
daring, this line will shut the lady up permanently: if she says what are you
doing, going home to get out of a test? say this: “No, the Xanex my psychiatrist
gave me is so strong I can hardly stand up straight…” That will shut the
bitch up AWFUL quick…and most likely for good!

That’s an excellent bridge into our next aspect of your character: you have to
always seem on the verge of a nervous breakdown. There are few things in the
world that could make teachers feel more guilty than causing you a nervous
breakdown. And don’t let them assume that it’s family trouble or something like
that. Be sure they know that your martyrdom is the cause. Strike up one of
those incessant “transcendental” conversations and tell them: “Between all the
problems of the school here I lose sleep over, and keeping my own head above the
water, I always feel like I’m about to go nuts!” Well, you’re the pet student,
so they wouldn’t want THAT to happen. Result: they back off…and you get good
grades for being a martyr. Reason: martyrs are smart! Martyrs see things other
people don’t; therefore they are willing to sacrifice themeselves for those
things. Act as if you’re the only one who sees what a shithole your school is,
and act as if because you see this you’ve GOT to change things even if it means
putting yourself out. The teachers will admire you to DEATH for that… And
plus, going crazy is also in their minds further confirmation that you are
smart.

Also, here’s one that never fails: With Arch-Type C’s such as English, Art, and
Philosophy teachers, make it look like the LITERATURE is driving you crazy! Let
me tell you an example of what I pulled off once:

The assignment was to read a certain amount of Philosophy and then do a report
on it. Well, I caught the teacher beforehand and told him that the reading we
did was so mind-blowing I couldn’t even DEAL with it last night, never mind
doing a report on it. All I could do is go out for a walk and try to grapple
with it. Result: I got a few extra days to do it and got a better grade than I
would have. And here is a perfect example of why you have to have them
CONVINCED that you are smart. If the class clown tried to pull this off, the
teacher would in so many words tell him to fuck off.

What will all of these things (the Messiah, Sick, and Crazy characters) also do
for you? It will convince them that you are not lazy. If they find out that you
are lazy, you’ve blown it and you’ll have to study for a while to convince them
differently.

Now, then. DATELINE: 2.5 MONTHS. They love you. You’ve earned yourself an
unprecendented amount of freedom to get away with shit. So use it! Here’s
how…

(All of these tricks and hedges are tried and true and have been tested in the
field. And
they work!)

Problem: Test coming up. You have no idea WHAT the hell is going on.
Solution: Get the test put off a few days. Approach the teacher outside of
class and say, “The class picked me to come and speak to you about this test
coming up. Some of them are worried that we’re not going to be ready for it…”
Notice you’re placing the blame on everyone else. Your Type-C teacher is far
too tactcful to ever mention the conversation with your classmates, so you’re
safe. Be sure to mention a few things that “they” (read `you’) are clueless
about. Success rate: putting off a test is a big order, consequently this one
works about 50% of the time, but it’s worth the try.

Problem: Teacher collects paper. You didn’t do it. Solution: Hand in another
paper! Strange but true! Chances are they won’t notice while they are
collecting it. If they do, you can just act like Einstein in his pajamas and
“search” like crazy for it through your disorganization. Later, when you have
the paper done, (the range on this is short, say the next morning)
inconspicuously shove the paper in a pile of the teacher’s shit when he ain’t
looking. Better yet, if your teacher has a folder for each class he teacher,
put it in another folder so he later thinks he misplaced it. When the teacher
notices he has a paper for another class, you can just say you handed that paper
in with the other one accidentally. Incidentally, if you get nabbed messing
through the teacher’s shit, tell the “truth.” Say you noticed that you had
handed in the wrong paper. You were just leaving the real paper for the
teacher. Also, use a sense of urgency by saying “Actually, do you have the
paper I accidentally gave you yesterday? I have to hand that in today!” Adds a
bit of credibility to the story. Also, when you are doing late papers, be SURE
to put the proper date on it! A paper that’s 3 weeks late is worthless if you
dated it yesterday. Success rate: 90%

Problem: You have to hand in a large paper, but you’re not done with it yet.
Solution: Hand in half the paper! Just stick the second half in with the
teacher’s shit later. Chances are, when the teacher gets to yours, he’ll go
looking for the rest of it, and if he finds it, no problem! Be sure in the
second half of your paper to put a staple in the top left hand corner, then pull
it out to make a hole, thereby making it look like the two halves got separated.
Success rate: Has yet to fail.

Problem: Teacher gives an assignment, says “No late papers accepted.”
Solution: I have never seen a teacher who threatens “no late papers accepted”
follow through on it. It’s a bluff. But anyway, here’s what to do. Put the
paper on the floor. Step on it. Crinkle it a bit. Then shove it under the
teacher’s desk. He will think he dropped it. Success rate: Has yet to fail.

Excuses: Here are some excuses for not having homework, if your teacher is
inclined to accept them:

Math assignment: “I left it tacked to my bulletin board.” This is such a wacky
yet simple excuse that they will believe it! Most likely they will say “What
the hell did you tack it to your bulletin board for?” and you will have a
perfect opportunity to construct a wacky story. Remember, the more details you
give, the more believable the story. And remember, with this, as with ALL
excuses, DO IT BEFORE SCHOOL. They have something to prove during class time
and will not let you off the hook then.

Written assignment: “My printer broke. However, I have a copy of it here on
disk. (hold up floppy) I will give it to you if you like.” This is a ballsy
bluff, and they will NEVER call you on it. Teachers get put off by computers
more often than not, so they will not only sympathise with you, but they won’t
want to touch your disk. In case they do take it, use a defective one, so if
they do go and put it in and get “General error reading drive A:” they will feel
chagrinned as hell and will probably think they wrecked it.
Success rate: 95% first time, decreases sharply each time you use it.

Many schools have a time card punch in the front office. Many teachers make use
of this, saying, “the paper is due at the end of the day, so stamp the paper
with the time and then put it in my mailbox.” This is a gift. Write up a title
page, stamp the title page, then relax. Take a trip to Disney World. When you
come back, write the paper, staple it to the stamped title page, and leave it in
the mailbox of a department chair with a LOT of mail. (Oh, yeah, be sure the
teacher’s name is also on the title page.) Eventually, the department chair
will forward it to your teacher and say “I don’t know how this got in my
mailbox.” If they ask you, shrug and say I gave it to the secretary at the
front desk. Success rate: Has yet to fail.

Other hints:

Fake a nervous breakdown. Go to your teachers for help.

Make your teachers fight over you. Hell, you’re a valuable resource, aren’t
you, being a Messiah for the school. If one teacher gets on your back, complain
that another teacher is driving you crazy and generally fucking up your life.
Be gutsy about it. For you to sit and basically call a colleague of theirs a
jerk is VERY, VERY fulfilling for them. Be harsh. But don’t whine. Once in a
while, hand in a stunning paper. When the teacher comments how wonderful it
was, don’t say “Yes, I tried really hard.” Say “Yeah, Mr. So-and-so finally got
off my back.” You’ve just earned yourself some more freedom…

Are you getting the hang of things? Teachers play on a certain level. They love
to lord over students. You can play on their level, too! They love that,
really! Eventually, if they catch on to what you are doing, they WON’T EVEN
CARE! I had one English teacher who had a very strict policy on tardiness of
assignments. If you handed in things late, you lost credit. Well, I used all
these tricks on that teacher. I never handed in a paper on time, but I never
lost credit. Later, a year after I had him, he told me that he knew my tricks
all along. Well, I was embarassed: BUT HE STILL NEVER TOOK OF CREDIT! So I had
the last laugh!

Treat your teachers like colleagues. Teacher’s don’t try to fuck over their
colleagues, so they won’t try to fuck you over. Treat them like professionals!
Take an interest in the politics of the teachers in the school. Most students
have an “us versus them” view of teachers. What you have to realize is that
teachers are not a unified front. They sit and argue and bitch and fuck each
other over as much as students do. A lot of teachers hate each other ardently.
The difference is, students are open about their squabbles whereas teachers hide
them to maintain the students’ respect for the faculty. So talk to your
teachers. Find out what’s going on. They will confide in you. They will treat
you like a player.

And most importantly: THEY WILL STAY THE FUCK OFFA YOUR BACK!!!

Happy hunting!

APPENDIX A: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’VE SUCCEEDED.

You’ve taken my advice to heart. You’re doing shit for work and riding the
gravy train. Now you’ve got a lot of free time. So what should you do?

– Sleep zzZzzZZZzzzzZzzzZZzz

– Peruse the great works of Western Literature

– Play practical jokes

– Watch a video of Richard Wagner’s epic “Der Ring des Nibelungen.” At 17 hours,
it’s a great way to kill time and experience a fucking awesome work of art. I
recommend the Metropolitan Opera production.

– Call The Works! (See ad below)

– Become a Warez d00d.

– Spy on your neighbors.

– Watch cartoons.

– Crank call your teachers.

– Watch Congress on C-SPAN for an entire day. This will PISS YOU OFF!

– Hang out with the dregs in Harvard Square. (MA residents only.)

– Conduct a fake Gallup poll. Call a random guy, ask him 4 questions about
politics, then for question 5 ask “Do you douche?”

– Visit a tot lot.

– Buy some CD’s.

– Learn German.

– Construct an atomic bomb. There are plenty of textfiles to help.

– Read some erotic poetry. Suggestion: John Donne

– Read some eroric prose. Suggestion: Guy de Maupassant

– Read some Nietzsche.

– IN OTHER WORDS, EARN YOUR REAL EDUCATION!!!

Finis.
Also sprach Jupiter.

A PEREGRINVS IVPITER PRODUCTION (C) 1992 Peregrinus Jupiter.

Refrigerants And The Atmosphere (November 1989)

November 1989

CONSUMERS’ QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
Refrigerants and the Atmosphere

This information is provided as a public service by the
Refrigeration Service Engineers Society and your heating
and air conditioning service contractor. It is intended
to provide clear, factual answers to questions about
stratospheric ozone depletion, what is being done about
it, and how the situation will affect you.

Q: WHAT IS OZONE?

Ozone is a gas. It consists of three atoms of oxygen in
each molecule; the oxygen we breathe contains two atoms
in each molecule. Chemically, oxygen is O2, and ozone
is O3. The *ozone layer* consists of ozone in the
stratosphere, high above the earth at an altitude of
between 7 and 28 miles. It is formed by ultraviolet
light from the sun acting on oxygen molecules. The
ozone layer absorbs and scatters ultraviolet light from
the sun, preventing harmful amounts of ultraviolet from
reaching the earth. For this reason, it is often
referred to as the Ozone Shield.

Q: BUT ISN’T OZONE UNHEALTHFUL?

Yes, when it occurs in the lower atmosphere where we
breathe it. This is caused by ultraviolet radiation
from the sun acting on smog and air pollutants on hot
Summer days. This situation should not be confused with
the protective ozone layer in the stratosphere. Ozone
at ground level is a harmful pollutant; in the
stratosphere it is a protective shield.

WHAT ARE CFCs?

*chlorofluorocarbon*; chemicals that CFC stands for
contain chlorine, fluorine and carbon, and may contain
hydrogen. These chemicals are inexpensive, safe,
non-flammable refrigerants of high thermal efficiency.
They are also used as solvents in cleaning electronic
microcircuits, and as the blowing agent in manufacturing
foam insulations. There are some other uses, as well.
In many other countries, CFCs are still used as aerosol
propellants.

CFC is the general term often used inaccurately for all
these compounds. It is important to realize that not
all *CFCs* are equally suspected of affecting the
atmosphere. CFCs which contain chlorine but no hydrogen
(fully halogenated CFCs) are the real problem. Those
which contain no chlorine, only fluorine (HFCs), and
those which contain hydrogen along with chlorine
(HCFCs), have a far smaller effect, if any at all.

Q: WHAT DO CFCs DO TO THE OZONE LAYER?

Certain chlorine-containing refrigerants are so stable
that they do not break down in the lower atmosphere,
even a hundred years or more after being released.
These chemicals gradually float up to the stratosphere,
where the chlorine reacts with ozone, causing it to
change back to oxygen. The chlorine is not used up in
the reaction; each molecule goes on to cause more and
more ozone-to-oxygen reactions.

Q: ARE THERE OTHER CHEMICALS THAT HAVE THE SAME EFFECT?

Yes; bromine-containing compounds, such as contained in
certain *halon* fire extinguishers, also have been
implicated in potential ozone depletion. Bromine is
chemically related to chlorine.

Q: WHAT IS THE RESULT?

Depletion of the ozone layer could result in increased
exposure to ultraviolet radiation at some point in the
future. The best available scientific information
indicates that proper action taken now to reduce
consumption of fully halogenated CFCs should avoid
possible future effects on humans and the environment.
Potential effects include increases in skin cancer and
cataracts, inability to resist certain infectious
diseases, decreased yields of agricultural crops, and
effects on marine life that is essential to the food
chain.

Q: WHAT IS THE *OZONE HOLE* I’VE READ ABOUT?

This is a thinning in the ozone layer over Antarctica,
which occurs during the Antarctic Spring season (Autumn
in the Northern Hemisphere). It occurs over the
Antarctic continent due to the unique climate caused by
powerful circumpolar winds and extremely low
temperatures there; the lowest on earth. This area is
being carefully monitored for the degree to which ozone
thins out, since it has been found to lead to ozone
depletion in other parts of the world, as well.
Significantly reduced ozone levels were detected in
1985, and high chlorine levels were found in 1986.
Instrumented aircraft flights through this layer
indicate that the ozone depletion problem may be more
serious than initially thought.

Q: DIDN’T WE STOP USING CFCs IN SPRAY CANS FOR THIS
REASON?

During the early 1970s, CFCs used as aerosol propellants
constituted over 50% of total CFC consumption in the
U.S. Following concerns initially raised by Professor
Sherwood Rowland and Dr. Mario Molina in 1974, the
E.P.A. and the Food and Drug Administration in 1978
banned the use of CFCs as aerosol propellants in all but
a few essential applications. This use of CFCs was
reduced in the U.S. by approximately 95%.
Unfortunately, very few other countries followed the
U.S. in this ban. Because of the many practical uses of
CFCs, their production and use has now surpassed
pre-1974 levels.

Q: IS THIS THE SAME AS THE *GREENHOUSE EFFECT*?

No, but CFCs may be involved in this problem, also. The
greenhouse effect occurs when carbon dioxide (mostly
form the burning of fossil fuels; oil, natural gas, and
coal) and other gases (methane, nitrogen, oxides, and
others) build up in the atmosphere. These gases let
incoming sunlight and its heat reach the earth, but
block the earth’s heat from radiating into space. This
is the way a greenhouse works, and so the name of the
effect. As the gases build up, more heat is trapped,
and the planet’s temperature rises. Some scientists now
feel that CFCs may also be contributing to this effect.

Q: WHAT IS BEING DONE TO STOP DEPLETION OF THE OZONE
LAYER?

Scientists from around the world recognize the
importance and severe results of this problem, and
realize that all countries must cooperate to stop
erosion of the ozone shield.

In the Fall on 1987, representative of more than 30
nations, meeting in Montreal, Canada, signed an
agreement now known as the Montreal Protocol. The U.S.
and Canada were included. On August 1, 1988, the U.S.
Environmental Protection Agency (E.P.A.) enacted the
provisions of this agreement into regulations for the
United States.

The Montreal Protocol and the E.P.A. specify that as of
July 1, 1989, production and consumption of certain CFCs
will be limited to the levels produced and consumed in
1986. This actually means a cutback, because use has
grown since that time. In July, 1993, these levels will
be reduced by 20%, and to 50% of 1986 levels in July of
1998. Specifically, the chemicals involved are the
fully halogenated CFCs 11, 12, 113, 114, and 115.
Halons 1211, 1301, and 2402 are also covered, but on a
different time schedule. Scientific, technological,
and economic concerns are to be reviewed at least every
four years, with the first review in 1990.

The most recent technical information indicates that
even deeper cuts in production and use may be necessary.
The head of the E.P.A. has stated that these chemicals
should be completely eliminated, and some responsible
industry trade groups agree.

But all is not lost when it comes to our needs for
refrigerants.

It’s important to remember that only fully halogenated
refrigerants are being phased down. The refrigerant in
home refrigerators, freezers and automotive air
conditioning is mostly CFC 12, one of those being
regulated. But central home air conditioning typically
uses HCFC 22.

Over a period of time, new appliances can be redesigned
to use HCFCs in place of fully halogenated CFCs.
Manufacturers of electronic microcircuits uses CFCs to
clean parts. They are successfully switching to other
chemicals.
Manufacturers of foam insulation use CFCs to produce the
insulating bubbles in the insulation. There are other
methods and chemicals they can used, although these
produce insulation that is less efficient.

New replacement refrigerators are also being developed,
but these will require years of testing for any toxic
effects, to make sure they are safe.

Q: CAN’T WE JUST SWITCH TO SOME OF THE OTHER
REFRIGERANTS?

Yes, but this is going to take time. HFC and HCFC
refrigerants can replace the CFCs, but the refrigeration
and air conditioning equipment has to be redesigned and
manufactured. The existing refrigerant in your
refrigerator, as an example, cannot be simply removed
and replaced with one of the other refrigerants, because
the compressor, cooling coil, and other components in
the system were designed for the specific refrigerant
being used. Different refrigerants have different
characteristics, which affect the compressor and other
components in the system.

A lubricating oil also has to be developed that will be
compatible with the new HCFCs and HFCs.

Q: HOW WILL THIS SITUATION AFFECT US?

As mentioned, insulation can be manufactured using other
methods and chemicals, but the result is less efficient;
greater thicknesses of insulation will have to be used
to get the same insulating effect. That will mean
refrigerators and freezers that are either larger on the
outside or smaller on the inside. Refrigerated trucks
can not be make larger on the outside, of course, and so
cargo capacity will be reduced. Carrying less frozen
food per trip will mean somewhat higher transportation
costs, which may increase some of the prices we pay.

Necessary changes in the processing of frozen foods may
also result in increased costs.

Refrigerators, freezers, and other systems using CFC-12
that are redesigned for other refrigerants will probably
be slightly less efficient, using more electricity for
operation. They may also be somewhat heavier.

The price your air conditioning service contractor pays
for refrigerant will increase, as a result of shorter
supplies. To help control these costs and make supplies
go farther, your service technician will take steps to
conserve, recover, and re-use refrigerants. It is
increasingly important to find and repair leaks in
systems, rather than just adding more refrigerant
periodically.

Existing residential appliances and systems should not
become obsolete nor have to be replaced any sooner.
Owners and operators of large commercial air
conditioners and refrigeration systems will probably
notice a great many more changes than the homeowner
will.

The more thoroughly we can prevent the escape of CFCs to
the atmosphere, and the more wisely we can conserve and
recycle these materials, the better we can protect our
health and that of generations to come, protect the
environment, and control our overall costs in the long
run.

This information was copied 12 October 1989 by

Jerry J. Trantow
Research Scientist
Johnson Controls, Inc.
507 E. Michigan Street MS-36
Milwaukee, Wi 53201

out of a bulletin from:

Refrigeration Service Engineers Society
1666 Rand Road
Des Plaines, Illinois 60016-3552
PHONE (312) 297-6464
FAX (312) 297-5038

with permission from Dean Lewis. If you would like an
original copy send a self-addressed stamped business
size (#10) envelope to RSES requesting a copy of
“Consumers’ Question and Answers, Refrigerants and the
Atmosphere”. Quantities are also available, call RSES
for details. The original bulletin has several color
pictures of the ozone hole, chemical reactions, etc.

[Remaining Text Missing]

Present Day Soviet Launch Vehicles

*******************************************************************

PRESENT DAY SOVIET LAUNCH VEHICLES

Although most observers of the exploration of space are quite familiar
with the various US launch vehicle families (Atlas, Titan, & Saturn),
their Soviet counterparts are still a mystery to most Western analysts.
This shroud of secrecy is encouraged by the Soviet government which, for
various reasons, has released little information on these launch
vehicles. However, given the few tidbits of data available from news
photos, orbital elements, and the rare Soviet publication, it is now
possible to describe the history and capability of the Soviet present
arsenal.
The following is a summary of the known major Soviet rocket engines and
their major characteristics. (Vacuum thrust is given in metric tons).

Number of Vacuum Chamber Specific Principal
Name Chambers Thrust Pressure Impulse Propellents Use
————————————————————————
RD-100 1 30 234 Alcohol/LOX R-1
RD-103 1 55 28 245 Alcohol/LOX SS-3
RD-107 4 102 60 314 RP-1/LOX A Class
RD-108 4 96 52 315 RP-1/LOX A Class
RD-111 4 166 80 317 RP-1/LOX SS-10??
RD-119 1 11 80 352 UDMH/LOX B Class
RD-214 4 74 45 264 RP-1/Nitric Acid B Class
RD-216 4 177 75 290 UDMH/Nitric Acid C Class
RD-219 2 90 75 293 UDMH/Nitric Acid SS-9??
RD-253 1 ? 400 ? UDMH/N2O4 D Class

As is well known, the Soviets began rocket research on their own
before the Second World War. The first liquid fueled engine developed
by Gird, an amateur rocket club, was called the ORM-1, and had the
distinction of being able to use both cryogenic and storable fuels, an
ability the Soviets utilized in later vehicles. This small program was
greatly aided by the capture of German V-2 rockets and scientists in
1945. The Soviets, as did the US, gained much experience studying the
German effort. The first post-war Soviet rocket, the R-1, a V-2 clone,
was launched in 1947, and was powered by the RD-100 engine, the first in
a long line of large German-influenced engines. In the early 1950’s,
the Soviets developed the Shyster vehicle (dubbed the SS-3 by the US Air
Force), basically an improved copy of the V-2, for testing Soviet-built
components in ballistic flights. During this period, the Soviet
government decided that in order to send 10,000 lb. atomic bombs to the
US mainland, it would be necessary to develop a large booster, with much
greater capacity than the Shyster. Thus, Soviet scientists developed
the techniques of clustering and parallel staging simultaneously. This
entailed the use of a single turbo-pump per cluster, which led to the
Soviets adopting a distinct definition of an engine from the Americans.
The single 50,000 lb thrust engine of the V-2 was clustered in groups of
4, with a single set of turbopumps for each group. The core cluster of
4 (called the RD-108 engine, although it used 4 combustion chambers and
4 exit nozzles) was surrounded by 4 strap-on clusters (the RD-107, but
basically identical to the RD-108), for a total of 20 first stage
engines. After the vehicle left the lower atmosphere, the four
strap-ons were jettisoned, and the core cluster was to carry the warhead
on a ballistic flight to the US. This vehicle, known to the Air Force
as the SS-6, and referred to as the A-class launcher by the Library of
Congress classification system, became the first Soviet satellite
booster, launching Sputnik in 1957. With a single 12,000 lb thrust
engine added as an orbital stage, the A class booster was used to launch
the Vostok capsule. In the mid 1960’s, a four chambered, LOX/RP1 fueled
engine was developed by the design bureau of the late C.A. Kosberg.
This 50,000+ lb. thrust engine replaced the earlier orbital stage on the
Soyuz booster.
Soon after the conception of the A class vehicle, the development of
the hydrogen bomb enabled much smaller warheads to be built, making the
large booster obsolete soon after its first launch. The core cluster
was immediately reconfigured into a missile in its own right, with the
engine now dubbed the RD-214. In order to decrease launch preparation
time, the Soviets converted the engine to use storable propellents,
nitric acid and kerosene, (as in the pre-war ORM-1). This combination
is much less efficient than the RD-107/108’s LOX/RP-1 fuel, resulting in
a lowered thrust of about 150,000 lbs for the RD-214. The new launcher,
was deployed in Cuba and Eastern Europe as an intermediate range
ballistic missile and was dubbed as the SS-4 by the US Air Force.
Topped by an orbital stage, the hydrazine fueled 24,000 lb thrust RD-119
engine, this launcher, known as the B class vehicle, is the equivalent
of of the US Thor/Delta.
The RD-214 engine was later refined by the use of UDMH instead of
kerosene for fuel. This new storable fuel increased specific impulse
for the engine from 264 to 290 seconds. Thrust was increased to 380,000
lbs. through increase in chamber pressure from 45 to 75 atmospheres.
The engine was renamed the RD-216, and was installed in the first stage
of the C class booster. This new vehicle, the equivalent of the Atlas
launcher, replaced the earlier B class vehicle, and is now the third
most used space launcher in the world.
The primitive SS-6 ICBM was ineffective as a weapon. The Soviet
Union, faced with the need for a storable ICBM, developed a new missile.
The result was the SS-9, a 2 stage ICBM with 6 thrust chambers, using a
common turbopump, for the first stage. It is reasonable to suppose that
the tried and true V-2 design was again used in this new configuration
with hypergolic fuels for quick launch reaction and storability. It can
be expected that first stage thrust is greater than the 300,000 lbs that
the original LOX/Kerosene combination would have produced, due to higher
efficiency of the Hydrazine/UDMH fuel and Nitrogen tetroxide oxidizer,
and advances in turbopump technology that the Soviets can be expected to
have achieved in the 8 year period between the introductions of the A
class and the F class vehicles. The F class vehicle is roughly
equivalent to the US Titan missile in payload capacity.
The Soviets felt that the need existed for a larger space payload than
the A class, which was limited to 14,000 lbs. in low orbit, could
provide. A new engine, the RD-253, was developed. One of these engines
was used in the air-launched core vehicle for the new Proton vehicle,
with six RD-253 strap-ons as the first stage, giving a total thrust of
2.5 to 3 million lbs., and a payload capacity of 40,000 lbs. in orbit.
Details on the upper stage of the Proton are lacking, but it is possible
to provisionally state that the RD-219 could be a candidate. As the
RD-219 is claimed to be a second stage engine, with thrust of almost
200,000 lbs, a probable application for this engine is as the second
stage of the Proton, if one considers the external strap-ons as a zero
stage. The tentative configuration of the Proton is thus:

Zero stage (6 strap-on RD-253) 3,000,000 lbs (approx)
1st stage (one cluster) 500,000 lbs (approx)
RD-219 2nd stage 180,000 lbs

The Proton rocket is used to launch the Salyut space station, as well as
heavy military payloads.
It is well known that the Soviets maintain a heavy launch schedule.
Given the serial production of many thousands of the V-2 class engines,
which entailed little developmental costs (thanks to the Germans), it is
reasonable to assume that great economies of scale prevail in their
space effort. Whereas the US will spend hundreds of millions to develop
a launch stage that may be used less than ten times (as with the Centaur
G stage), the USSR has spent little on a family of boosters that
apparently utilize the same engine design. The U.S. at the beginning of
the Space Age also developed several boosters from a single engine
design, the H-1, which grew from 135,000 lbs to 205,000 over twenty
years. However, the H-1 family was soon superceded by many more
powerful and more efficient designs, and is now far from being the
leading edge of engine technology in the U.S. Apparently, the Soviets
have been content to stay with their basic original design, which has
grown from less than 40,000 lbs to now over 500,000 lbs of thrust. This
same paucity of engine research could explain the mysterious lack of a
liquid hydrogen engine in the Soviet arsenal. Although payload size
could be greatly increased with even the smallest of cryogenic stages,
the Soviets are apparently willing to forego the developmental costs in
favor of keeping program costs to a minimum. Given this low priority
for engine research, rumors of several new Russian launch vehicles seem
unfounded, as all of the rumors presuppose Soviet development of liquid
hydrogen engines that surpass US engines in efficiency. Given the
present advantage in engine R & D by the US over the Russians, it would
be highly doubtful that the Soviets will surpass us in engine technology
in the near term. Making these rumors more dubious is the fact that
present Soviet launch vehicles can launch all payloads that the Soviets
have announced for the foreseeable future, including the 1993 asteroid
flyby. Thus, one can probably count on seeing (or reading about) the
present group of Soviet vehicles for many years to come.
*************************************************************************
Many thanks to Anthony Kenden, Art Bozlee, C.P. Vick, V.P. Glushko,
Kenneth Gatland, John Parfitt, and many others for their published work
and their criticism of my earlier entry. Please feel free to correct
any factual errors that I may have made in this entry, so they may be
corrected.

Your Certificate Giving You The Right To Play

CERTIFICATE
Of The Right To Play

By this certificate know ye that

[insert your name here]

is a lifetime member in good standing in

The Society of Childlike Grown-Ups

and is hereby and forever entitled to

walk in the rain, jump in mud puddles, collect rainbows, smell the flowers, blow bubbles, stop along the way, build sand castles, watch the moon and stars come out, say hello to everyone, go barefoot, go on adventures, sing in the shower, have a merry heart, read children’s books, act silly, take bubble baths, get new sneakers, hold hands and hug and kiss, dance, fly kites, laugh and cry for the health of it, wander around, feel scared, feel sad, feel mad, feel happy, stop worrying so much, stay innocent, say yes, say no, say the magic words, say ouch when it hurts, ask lots of questions, ride bicycles, color outside the lines, see things differently, fall down and get up again, talk with animals, look at the sky and trust the universe, stay up late, climb trees, take naps, do nothing, daydream, play all kinds of music, play with toys, play under the covers, have pillow fights, learn new stuff, get excited about everything, be a clown, enjoy having a body, find out how things work, make up new rules, tell stories, save the world, make friends with other kids on the block, and do anything else that brings more happiness, celebration, relaxation, understanding, health, joy, creativity, pleasure, abundance, grace, freedom, self-esteem, trust, love, courage, balance, spontaneity, passion, beauty, peace, and life energy to the above-named member, and to any other humans and beings on this planet.

Furthermore, the above-named member is officially authorized to frequent amusement parks, beaches, meadows, mountaintops, swimming pools, forests, playgrounds, picnic areas, summer camps, birthday parties, circuses, cookie shops, ice cream parlors, theaters, aquariums, zoos, museums, planetariums, toy stores, festivals, and other places where children of all ages come to play, and is encouraged to always remember one of the mottoes of the Society of Childlike Grown-Ups:

YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD FOR RECESS!

(signed)
Advisory Committee on Growing Young

Getting Rid Of The Riddler By Alien

Getting Rid of the Riddler!
by Alien

(Subtitled – Who took the Rid out of Riddler?)

A boy, knowen to us as ‘The Riddler’,
Whose presence,
Was as that of the kid ’round here,
Departed without so much as word hence.

The reason it seems clear,
To both myself, and the Wiz,
Was his emminent fear,
Of failing the homo quiz.

Who needs pricks like this louse
I say ‘He needs the removal of a limb’,
Bring back Comrade Mouse,
And then let the rodent SHOOT HIM.

Song by Alien – Sung to the tune of ‘Daisy, Daisy’

Bananas, banans,
Give me your stalks do,

I’ll drink Tequilla,
All for the love of Sheila.

The drink, I think is dandy,
Makes the girls turn randy

You’d all look great,
With your own hired date,
On a banana built for two!

Buying A Car Or Truck Through Repossesion Auctions By Paul Dewey

BUYING A CAR OR TRUCK THROUGH REPOSSESSION AUCTIONS
By Paul Dewey

So you are looking for a car or truck, but you’re tired of running around
town and finding other people selling their “headaches” through the local
classifieds, or dealers offering “cream-puffs” for inflated retail prices.
All you want is a good vehicle for a good price. Period. Does such a deal
exist? Yes, indeed! Repossession auctions are becoming more and more
popular across the country. I have been attending them for over 20 years,
and have purchased many cars and trucks at bargain prices – everything from
a brand new car (still with the window sticker on it and 3 miles on the
odometer) for $1,100 below the sticker price, to a conversion van with
99,000 miles on it. Both of these vehicles are still in the family and
running strong.
What I’d like to do here is share my experiences with you, and give you some
tips on how you, too, can find these bargains.
First of all, how do you find the auctions? Your local paper is a good place
to start. Many banks and other financial institutions (such as GMAC) list
the times and places of their auctions in Sunday papers under “Auctions” or
“Cars for Sale”. Also, if there is a “legal publication” in your area, that
publishes court proceedings, bankruptcy notices, etc., this is another
source for repossession auto auction notifications. One other way to find
them is to call your local banks and ask for the Installment Loan
Department. They should be able to provide you with details on their
particular auctions. Many even have regular mailing lists, where they will
automatically send you a notification of their auction and even a listing of
what vehicles will be included. While some institutions restrict their
auctions to dealers only, most will allow the public to attend and bid.
Once you have found an auction, be sure to get all the details BEFORE you go.
You’ll need to know if there are any minimum bid requirements, what type of
payment they need, and what type of paperwork they provide to the
purchasers. Many auctions will sell everything to the highest bidder, no
matter how low the bid is. Still others may have a minimum bid they must
get, or they “buy back” the car and save it for the next auction. Most
institutions retain the right to bid, so be aware that you may be not only
be bidding against other people interested in the vehicle, but also against
the auctioneer!
While most auctions will publish their requirements for payment along with
the auction notification, DON’T assume that that’s all there is to it. Find
out if they expect cash only, certified checks or personal checks. Also,
many require full payment immediately after the sale, while others may
require a non-refundable deposit with the balance due in a few days. All
too often I have seen people make costly errors at auctions because they
didn’t understand these payment rules.
In this day and age of red tape, titles, liens, etc., the paperwork an
institution provides is as important as anything else. In New York State,
for example, if the institution sells the vehicle with “as-is” marked on the
bill of sale, you may encounter a legal nightmare that involves a major
full-vehicle inspection and an 8 to 10 week wait for a title search and
registration procedure that will prevent you from putting the vehicle on the
road for months. It is imperative, therefore, that you find out
specifically what paperwork the institution will give you when you purchase
a vehicle through their auction. If you plan on registering the car right
away, tell them that and make sure you are satisfied that they will give you
what you need. If in doubt, contact your local Motor Vehicle office ahead
of time to insure that you’ll be able to proceed with what the institution
will be giving you. Laws vary dramatically from state to state.
Above all, make sure that all liens have been satisfied before you purchase a
repossessed vehicle. Most banks and financial institutions will give you
some type of form to verify this.
OK… now you’ve found the auction and understand the rules and requirements.
The next step is finding the vehicle that fits your needs. In order to
know what the vehicle’s value is before you bid on it, you’ll need a good
resource of wholesale and retail pricing. One good source is the NADA “Blue
Book”. This book lists cars and light trucks by manufacturer and body
style, giving you the current average wholesale and retail for each. I have
used a book called “Edmund’s Used Car Prices” for the past 15 years or so,
and found them to be a very reliable source. Like the NADA book, it lists
the cars and light trucks by manufacturer and year (usually the past 7 model
years), and provides the vehicle’s original list price, current average
wholesale and retail. It also provides you with a list of popular options,
and what they add to the value of the car or truck. There’s plenty of
details in the book which I won’t go into here. Just make sure you read the
“How to Use This Book” section thoroughly before you start using it.
Options such as air conditioning, power steering and brakes and type of
transmission may dramatically affect the value of the vehicle. Also,
excessive mileage for that particular year car or truck will affect the
value. So, read the book and know how to use it BEFORE you get to the
auction.
The next step will be to get an up-close look at the vehicles. You may find
a car listed in the paper that is just what you want, only to get there and
find out it’s missing a couple of wheels, or the front bumper has been
pushed back a few feet! Unless you know a good mechanic, or have your own
shop and tools, walk away from these damaged cars! Find out when the first
available times are for inspection before the sale, then get there early to
give you time to look things over.
You’ll find the best way to buy at an auction is to not be too specific as
far as what you want. If you think you want a Chevy Celebrity, for example,
take the time to look at the Pontiac 6000s, Olds Cieras and Buick Centurys.
If you want a 2 door, don’t overlook the same type of car in a 4 door
model. The more limited your preferences, the less chance you have of
getting a “real bargain”. Actually, the best way to “shop” an auction is to
first eliminate all the vehicles that you’re NOT interested in. Then you
can spend your time looking over the others.
Once you have determined which ones interest you, take a close look at each
to make sure you have the correct information as to make, model, year,
options, etc., and calculate the book wholesale and retail. If the
institution provides you with a printed list of the vehicles, make notes
about it and write down the prices – don’t rely on your memory. When the
bidding starts, you want to have all the information written down in front
of you so you know exactly where you stand.
As you look over the car or truck, check first to see if it comes with a
proper set of keys. You may assume it does, but most auctions will tell you
that “what you see is what you get”. I have bought 2 cars without keys –
both started right up after I had a set made – but you may not be so lucky.
If in doubt whether it will run or not, you’re best to cross it off your
list and go on to the next. If you are a real gambler, and you’re STILL
interested in it, look at the wholesale of the vehicle, then subtract the
amount of a new motor and transmission (assuming the worst – that they’ll
both have to be replaced) and estimate you cost in time and money of finding
someone to make you a new set of keys.
If the keys are in the vehicle, get in it and start it up. Listen carefully
for clues of possible problems – a grinding starter or a weak battery could
indicate that you’ll need to invest some additional money into the vehicle
after you buy it. If it fires up. listen for knocking or pinging
immediately after if starts. Again, any tell-tale noises will mean you’d
better plan on spending money for repairs if you buy the vehicle. Watch the
mirrors for blue smoke coming from the exhaust – a sure sign of an
oil-burner. That could mean some major engine repairs are needed.
With the vehicle in neutral, rev the motor, and again listen for strange
noises and watch for smoke. Check the transmission to be sure it works, and
the clutch if it’s a standard shift. BE CAREFUL when putting it in gear,
however! You may find that when you ease it into Drive that the car leaps
forward… that’s a bad time to realize that the brakes don’t work!
Whenever you are looking or running an auction vehicle, assume the worst.
Test everything you can while sitting there, and above all, use common sense
and caution when trying out the transmission… after all, there may be
people standing in front or in back of the vehicle, and you DON’T want to
get anyone hurt!
Once you find the engine and transmission work to your satisfaction, test the
radio, air conditioning, heater, wipers, power windows, power seats, lights,
turn signals – try everything, and make notes of those things that don’t
work or may need repair.
Get out of the car, and sight along the body. Are there dents that need
repairing? Has the car or truck been re-painted and/or fiber-glassed in
spots? Do all the windows, doors, hood and trunk open, close and fit
properly?
Look under the hood. Does the battery look good? Check the oil. If it’s low,
it may mean it burns oil or it has a leak. Smell the dipstick. Does the
oil smell “burned” or does it smell like gas or antifreeze? If so, major
engine repairs may be needed. Look at the oil. Is it dark and dirty? Are
there indications of pieces of metal or sludge build up on the dipstick?
More possible engine repairs. How does the engine compartment look? If
it’s covered with sludge or oil, it may mean a bad oil leak somewhere –
again, major engine repairs may be needed. Check the antifreeze and
transmission fluid to see if they are full and clean. Tug on the belts and
hoses to make sure they fit properly and are not loose. Look for loose
wires.
While you’ve got the hood up, look for a maintenance sticker somewhere
(sometimes on the inside of the driver’s door, also). If you find one,
check the date and mileage against the current mileage. Does the difference
seem right?
Now get underneath the vehicle. Look at tread wear on the tires. Uneven
wear may mean alignment or suspension repairs needed. Are all 4 tires in
good shape? If not, figure on replacing the bad ones. Do the springs and
shocks look OK? Check out the exhaust system for holes, rust or missing
pieces. Look at the bottom of the engine, transmission and axle housing. A
thick layer of oil and/or sludge build up may mean repairs are in order.
If the auction really sells the vehicles “as is”, don’t be surprised to find
some odd items of interest in the car or truck. If you find the back seat
full of trash and/or the ashtrays overflowing, chances are the previous
owner was not what you’d call “meticulous”. I have found that the more
trash and junk there is in a car, the better the odds are that they really
didn’t care about it and let important things such as oil and filter changes
slip by!
Finally, look in the trunk. Is the spare tire good? If it shows signs of
uneven wear, it may indicate the vehicle has suspension problems. Is the
jack there, and does it look like it works? Figure in the price of buying a
new one if not.
Now that you’ve looked the vehicle over thoroughly, take a few minutes to
check you notes. Starting with the adjusted book wholesale price (after
adding/subtracting options, etc.), subtract the value of any repairs or
missing parts you’ll have to put into the vehicle. Don’t be shy on your
cost estimates. If you see it needs a new battery, and think a new battery
will cost you $50-$80, assume the highest and take $80 off the wholesale.
Better yet, take off $100 because it’s going to take you time and effort to
go and purchase that battery. Use the same logic for all other repair and
parts estimates. When in doubt, estimate any repairs and/or parts HIGH!
After subtracting all your estimated repairs and parts costs, you’ve got a
good estimate of what this vehicle is worth to you. Cross off the wholesale
price on you list, and write this new amount down. This is the MAXIMUM
PRICE you should expect to pay for this vehicle. At this point, if you are
STILL interested in the vehicle, and willing to do all the work that’s
needed on it, leave it on your list. If not, or if you have any doubts at
all, CROSS IT OFF YOUR LIST and forget about it! Go on to the next one.
Now you’ve got your updated list, along with revised wholesale estimates, and
it’s time to start the auction. If the auctioneer is planning on selling
the vehicles in a certain order, be sure you know where and when “your”
vehicles will come up. That way, you’ll know if the one you really prefer
will be sold before or after another one that you’re considering. This
helps get your mind set to the order in which your list will go.
Try not to show TOO much attention to one particular vehicle, and keep your
thoughts to yourself! “Hugging” a car or stating “THIS is the one!” will
indicate to others that they’ll have to out-bid you. Don’t give them
anything that will help them decide on raising THEIR “maximum price”.
If you’re fortunate enough to have the very first vehicle to be auctioned on
your list, be ready! Virtually without exception, I have found the first
vehicle to be auctioned off goes low, as people are hesitant to jump in on
the very first one.
When it comes time to bid, don’t let the auctioneer or anyone else intimidate
you. Set a plan of action, then stick to it. Your plan should include
starting out as low as possible, and working your way in the SMALLEST
increments possible towards your MAXIMUM PRICE. If the auctioneer says
“Let’s start the bidding at $1,000”, DON’T jump in with a “YES”. Start at
$100. Too many times I’ve seen that happen where someone was anxious to buy
a car worth $3,000, and when the auctioneer opened the bidding at $2,000
they said “Yes” – and got the car on one bid because no one else was
interested in it. Had they started lower, they could have saved some money.
As the bidding progresses, there are two basic styles of bidding to use. The
first is the “psych-them-out” approach. An experienced bidder will let
others start the bidding out, and then as the bidding slows down and it gets
down to two people, he’ll jump in at the last minute and hope that the
element of surprise catches them both off guard. I have used this approach
successfully, but it does take some experience to know when to hold back and
when to jump in.
The second style of bidding is “I-want-it-no-matter-what” approach. This
type of bidder will jump right in at the start and run the bidding up so
quickly that others will realize they have no chance of getting the vehicle
and drop out. Most first time bidders use this approach. The only problem
with this style is that you may find yourself over-bidding on the vehicle
because you get caught up in the bidding and forget your “maximum price”.
There are many variations on these two basic styles of bidding, too. You can
take the second approach, starting early in the bidding and working your way
up quickly, and then drop out at a predetermined amount. Then, when
everyone thinks you’re out of it, you pick up on the first approach and jump
back in at the end. There’s also the style of waiting until the auctioneer
tries to close the bidding with something like “Going once… going
twice…” – where you can jump in with $25 more just before the sale closes.
This takes some experience. The one thing this style usually does is upset
the other bidder and sometimes even the auctioneer, but you’re not there to
please anyone but yourself!
Again, don’t be intimidated by anything or anyone. Stay as calm as possible
and keep a rational point of view throughout your bidding.
As I said earlier, I have been attending auctions for over 2 decades.
Between myself, my father and my brothers, we have purchased over 22 cars
and trucks. Are there “bargains” out there? You betcha! All you have to do
is find them! At a recent local bank auction, here are some examples of
what I saw:
“Book Value” Sold
Vehicle: Mileage: Wholesale/Retail For:
87 Plymouth Horizon 30,264 $4400/$5100 $4150
85 Izuzu Trooper 4WD 46,499 $5500/$6300 $3800
84 Pontiac Sunbird 55,737 $3100/$3500 $1850
83 Olds Ciera – “loaded” 77,377 $3350/$3925 $1900
87 Nissan King Cab Pickup 11,389 $5825/$6625 $4650
87 Ford Escort GT 23,258 $5600/$6300 $5100
86 Jeep Comanche Pickup 69,358 $4775/$5225 $4075
86 Mazda 626 LX – minor damage 29,271 $6400/$7600 $4000

Of course, there WERE some that went for over book value, but in most cases
they were individuals who were “bent” on getting the vehicle no matter what.
There was even an Audi 5000 CS 4 door sedan – with every available option
except turbo and sunroof – that sold for $11,850, while most everyone stood
around and shook their heads in amazement!
All in all, with a little common sense and a knowledge of what to look for,
you can find that “bargain” at your local repossessed auction.

The Reality Of The Situation, By Kortron

( THE REALITY OF OUR SITUATION )

All of you are being faced with choices. Many of you are so
engrossed with your idea of reality you are not seeing beyond the
simplest Illusions around you. You are not alone as Solinus and I
see this even in areas very close to us in our family unit.
But what is reality? Is it something we base life on that
may or may not be a correct situation but that we use as our
basic guidelines in living our lives. I think it is something
closer to our idea of what keeps us safe, secure and in a sense
of well being. It is in other words our security blanket – what
we believe makes our lives work. It is the way we choose to see
life versus what may or may not be life in a true reality.
All of you have through the years heard about other systems,
less free countries where people are taught from a very early age
to accept a system of belief that gives little in return. Infor-
mation is usually censored and keeps, for the most part, other
systems of living out of the direct knowledge of those who are
controled and indoctrinated into a group idea. These scenarios
are based on what a few in power wish as to the way things should
work.
My next question when comparing our society to one of cen-
sorship is how is our system any better than any of these others?
Here is where many will stand up and say it’s better than all the
rest in the world. It may be, but if it is it would not fluctuate
and create suffering in the group following the guidelines of
those few in power running this country.
Look at your present situation. Do you honestly believe it
is faltering because times are bad? Is it possible you have been
brainwashed as many, if not all peoples of other countries are?
And that you will refuse to see it until the people that are
controlling you decide to change things that directly effect the
security blanket you base life on.
Reality dear ones is truth that in its context cannot be
changed. When it is altered in ways that create thoughts of well
being it still remains the same, the alteration becoming the
lived Illusion. Society that gains power by a fellowship based on
any altered truths creating a feeling of well being may give a
sense of security and well being until the real worth becomes
self evident. Then a change by those who are following the Illu-
sion either crumbles or a new altered truth sets a foundation for
yet another crash of its real worth down the line. In reality the
real truth gets put aside for yet another created Illusion.
Each time this happens it opens new awareness in a few which
undermines the real worth of being followers of those creating
this Illusion. The opportunity comes in these times to release a
few from the bigger group not seeing and willing to go on to yet
another false start creating yet another duration of pain and
suffering down the line. This is the cross roads all now face.
This is your chance to stand up as sovereign beings dependent on
yourself and your creator for your existence in these times of
upheaval. Many of you will cower and ask for the old to carry you
into their ideas and projections of the new. Some will say no
there now is another way and see, thus finding truth versus
getting sucked into another round of deceit by following someone
else in their projected idea of how the group will survive the

times ahead.
The truth dear ones is that you are sovereign beings never
meant to follow anyone or thing but the God within. That is the
simplicity of truth versus the diversity burying it that you base
life on while living it on Earth. You’re going to say just plac-
ing myself in the unknown will not create what I need. You’re
wrong and this type thinking will create your next experience of
pain and suffering.
Some of you are now saying what in the heck is this guy
saying. I’m saying there is a link to God in you which many of
you fail to hear when it speaks to you because you’re listening
to false gods telling you an altered aspect of this truth. This
statement is not based on any religious aspect or dogmatic ideal
but stands on its own worth because it is true. Follow this voice
and your whole life will change in the best or worst times to the
absolute reality of your reason for being created. This will
give you freedom over the dominion you are in and all else here
controlling things around you and others that before you believed
effected you.
If your desire is to find truth in your life versus every-
thing else you previously based life on, it is now time to listen
to that voice in you. All else is Illusion. Freedom is opening to
this truth and releasing the Illusion. All else of worth follows
by this simple act.
Peace and Love
Kortron

Building A Skateboard Ramp, Before Skating Was Big.

PRE-BUILDING PLANS

Before you start building your ramp make sure that you read and understand
these plans completely. You’ve got to have a good feeling for what you are
about to tackle or you will probably end up with a mess. There are some
important things to consider before you even decide what kind of ramp you are
going to be building. There is almost nothing worse than starting off on a
project and finding out half-way through that you’re not going to be able to
pull it off because you’ve blown-off or forgotten some important step along the
way.

This is a big undertaking, don’t be embarrassed about asking for a little
help. Ramps are now popping up all around the country at an amazing rate,
chances are good that at least one ramp is already being ridden in your
neighborhood. Go check out a ramp that’s already built and see what kind of
problems the owners have had with it, or get some good ideas for things to do
with your own ramp. Also don’t be too proud to ask dad or some other adult for
help on the carpentry; every man alive likes to believe he is an accomplished
builder and will usually jump at the chance to pound a few nails. If you get
dad to help you, rather than letting the project turn out half-assed under his
supervision, he will probably do all he can to make it turn out good. Who
knows, if he really gets into it he might even float a few bucks towards the
cost of materials. Then, when all the work is done he might appreciate more
the idea of having this big wooden monster sitting in his backyard. You, on
the otherhand, should have no problems appreciating this big wooden monster.
Skate tough or stay in a coma.

Enough planning, it’s time to build some vertical terrain. First of all you
must decide what your limitations are and how this will affect the ramp you are
going to build.

Limitation Aspect #1. Location-probably the most important thing to resolve;
where are you going to put it? Ramps can virtually be built anywhere. We’ve
seen ramps of every description built in backyards, fields, orchards,
sidewalks, parking lots, rooftops, mountain sides and creek beds. First look
at the obvious spots, like your own backyard or a tolerant friend’s pad.
Private property with permission is best for obvious reasons. Putting up a
quarter pipe or lightweight structure is one thing, but sweating out a killer
ramp only to have someone tell you to take it down is not happening.
Warehouses, garages and the like are good sites because they are level, indoors
and away from the elements (cops and neighbors). Check with your city or town
officials in regard to public lands or park and recreation facilities that
might be available. It is becoming more common for local governments to take
interest in the skateboarder’s plight and build a public ramp, check into this
idea with your own.

Ideally, for a decent sized half-pipe like the one described in this book,
you will want to build on a fairly large, flat cement surface (patio, parking
lot, etc.) but a relatively level dirt or grass area will work fine. Be sure
and check out local ordinances regarding construction, you might need a
building permit for the ramp you have in mind. Keep in mind that this is going
to be a permanent structure, once it’s done you won’t want to think about
anything but the next session, so make sure your facts are straight before you
follow through with the construction.

In most cities, the ordinances require that the structure cover more than a
certain percentage of your yard, such as, 30% of the available open space. In
many cases, making your ramp portable (or at least appear so) will help bypass
many of the requirements, such as building permits, etc. Also, most city codes
specify that no backyard structure can be higher than the highest point of the
house. Check into it, once you know what must be done to build your ramp
legally, you will most likely have to abide by some civil laws as well.

It is very rare that all surrounding neighbors will put up with extended
night sessions, trash floating around or boards shooting into their pool or
pegging their backyard pooch. Because of the brash nature of skating and
skaters themselves, it is wise to inform your immediate neighbors of the
possibility of such goings on, and get a feeling for what you can and cannot
do. Believe me, if you push your limits with them, the ramp will not last long
because the law will side with them almost every time.

Limitation Aspect #2. Type of ramp you can afford to build. So you’ve found
the perfect spot; some old lady with a ranch outside of town craves the energy
of youth and has agreed to give you free reign of an acre of land with a nice
swimming hole and rows of pregnant apple trees, no problems there, but now
there’s the question of materials. What do you have to build with?

The materials you are able to get your hands on will basically tell you what
kind of ramp you’ll soon be ripping. Unless you have 20 or 30 sheets of
plywood lying around or a large stack of 2 x 4s you will probably be spending
close to $1000 for your basic 8′ wide, 8′ radius transition half-pipe. Plywood
isn’t cheap and even though 2 x 4s do grow on trees they aren’t just lying
around, but there are ways of getting some free wood. Ripping off wood or
shopping at “the midnight lumber store” can get you busted. We’ve been hearing
some real nightmares about young thrashers getting caught with a load and
getting to see the legal system work first hand. The amount of lumber you’ll
need for your ramp will probably constitute grand theft in most lawbooks so
watch it. Don’t get stopped before you’ve even started. Check your own
backyard or garage for wood and ask friends or neighbors if they have any.
Also, hang around local construction sites and beg for cut-off ends and various
scraps, every little bit gets you one step closer.

Wood is expensive if you have to buy it outright, but it’s plentiful enough
that you can find a bargain if you shop around. Check the phone book for
salvage yards that deal in used wood. Most of the time they’ll have all you
need at a fraction of the cost. You may have to pull a few nails but it’s
worth it. When dealing with these guys try to to bargain for your final price,
you might save yourself even more bucks by not agreeing to the first price they
give you.

Once you have assembled all you can feasibly scrounge, it’s time to start
putting it together. The hard part is over now, you realize your limitations
and you must now decide what type of ramp you’re going to build. You may find
that because of one thing or another you are limited to building a smaller ramp
or quarter-pipe rather than a full-blown half-pipe. Don’t be discouraged if
the ramp forecast looks bleaker than you imagined before, almost any variation
of most big ramp maneuvers can be pulled off on a smaller dimension ramp.
Also, to the beginning verticalist, a smaller ramp is going to be helpful for
training purposes and will keep you shredding until you can move up to big
time. Use what you can to ride what you’ve got; real skaters ignore
limitations.

CONSTRUCTION:

Banked Ramps

There is no reason why any skater who craves vert should be deprived of a
vertical wall or bank to skate. Even if you are flat broke there are things
you can do. In reality all you need is a 3/4″ thick piece of plywood and
you’re in business. Whenever you get the urge to skate a bank just drag out
that old piece of plywood and “set it up.”

If you can get your hands on some 2 x 4s, try expanding on the banked ramp
theme by building a frame for your piece of plywood. Starting with a “banked
ramp” is a good way for the beginning skater/carpenter to get into basic wall
riding and ramp construction at the same time. Quarter Pipes

A quarter-pipe is just what it sounds like, a quarter piece of round pipe.
If you can rustle up at least four or more 4′ x 8′ sheets of plywood and a
decent supply of 2 x 4s you can throw together a small quarter-pipe that will
carry you up to vertical. A cash outlay here will still run around $75 for new
wood.

As far as transition from horizontal to vertical goes there are several ways
of constructing a quarter-pipe. One method is to build an L-shaped framework
similar to the one shown for the banked ramp, except that you create the curve
for the transition with 2 x 4s. By cutting and fitting lengths of 2 x 4 into
place you can make a solid curve and a foundation for the plywood skating
surface. (Fig. 1) The thickness of the plywood for making this type of ramp
should be no more than 3/8″. Using two or three layers of 1/4″ ply is
recommended here for the optimum transition.

Another method of quarter pipe construction involves the use of plywood
templates to form the transition and 2 x 4 cross bracing to support the skating
surface. If you go ahead with this type of design, using the template method,
you’ll need to look ahead to the plans for building a half-pipe for
instructions on how to make templates using the string/compass method. (Fig.
2)

Regardless of the type of method you use to construct a quarter-pipe, the
radius of the transition should measure between 6′ and 8′. Also because you
are building a single sided ramp, you’ll be pushing into the ramp from another
surface such as the street or sidewalk. In this case you want a smooth
connection between the street and where the ramp begins. Try cutting the edge
of the plywood at an angle, where it will meet the asphalt, before you nail it
down. Or, slap a thin strip of sheet metal down over the critical area, tack
it with small nails and finish it off with a length of silver duct tape to
insure against flesh wounds if you have to slide over it. Half-pipe

Here are the plans for building the basic minimum structure needed for
full-on vertical skating (16′ wide, 10 feet of flat bottom, 8′ transitions with
a foot of vertical, hence a 9 foot wall). These dimensions are commonly used
for several reasons. One, plywood is widely available in 4′ x 8′ sheets and 2″
x 4″ and 2″ x 6″ studs are usually bought in 8′ and 16 lengths. Using lumber
of these dimensions will add up to a nice 16-footer without wasting cut-off
ends and creating a lot of unusable scrap. Another reason for the 16-foot size
is that anything smaller is going to seem too cramped for full-on sessioning.
Twelve foot is passable, but if you go 12 feet, it’s almost easier to stretch
it out to 16 feet because of those standard lumber dimensions.

Another point that we should review is that the methods we are discussing
here for building a skateboard ramp will result in an ultimately sturdy
structure. One that can be pummeled year after year without so much as
resheeting of plywood or masonite from time to time. If you have to take short
cuts because of lack of funds or materials, there are ways to cut back. The
size of your ramp for starters. Smaller ramp; less wood. There is also a way
to make your transition templates using less plywood than we discuss here
without sacrificing too much in the strength department. We’ll try to cover
some of these cost-saving tips as we get to them; otherwise, if you’ve got the
materials and the cash, build it big and strong, it’ll pay off in the long run.

Once you have found a site to build on it is important to make sure it is
close to level. Starting with a bottom framework that is level makes
everything else fall into place a little easier once you begin building
upwards. If you’re building on an incline or on otherwise shaky ground, you’ll
want to sink 4″ x 4″ posts at least 2′ into the ground (preferably in cement)
and sticking up high enough at the low end to run a level beam between them.
(Fig. 3)

If the ground is soft, build the framing on top of cement pier blocks placed
at the strategic corners. Posting also lifts the structure off the ground,
thereby keeping rot and insect damage in check for a longer period.

Bottom Framework

This is where the strenth and sturdiness of your ramp lies; the more solid
your initial framework is, the longer your ramp is going to last. This part of
the ramp will be completely covered up so make sure that it is solid before you
move onto the next step.

It is best to use 4 x 4s for the framework but 2 x 4s will work. Lay these
in a rectangular bo� th� siz� o� th� ramp I� ou� cas� i� woul� b� 10� of flat
bottom plus two 8′ radius transitions-26 feet long and 16 feet wide. Brace
this structure with 2 x 4s spaced 6 inches apart under the flat section and a
foot apart under the transitional areas. For more strength, support these
bracings with additional 2 x 4s as shown in the diagram. Place the 2 x 4s in
the frame with the 2″ side facing up and sitting flush with the top of the 4 x
4s. The 2 x 4s will act as a solid base for connecting the plywood to the flat
bottom section. (Fig. 4)

Horizontal to Vertical Transitions

The next step is deciding what radius should be used for the transition from
the flat bottom to the vertical wall. The shorter the radius, the steeper the
incline, is the basic law. We chose an 8′ radius to a 9′ high wall for a fluid
yet thrustable transition to a foot of “true” vert. Larger ramps have been
built with as much as a 9 or 10 foot radius. For larger transitions you should
plan on a higher wall to accomodate some vertical.

To cut out 8′ transitions for your ramp you will need: a sabre saw, a piece
of string or twine at least 9 1/2 feet long, a pencil and a nail. Make a large
compass by tying one end of the string to the nail and the other end to the
pencil at exactly the 8-foot mark.

By securing the nail at one end (use a wooden stake in the ground if a nail
doesn’t work), you can pull the string taut and draw transitional arc on a
sheet of plywood, (Fig. 5) (and you thought that geometry had no place in the
real world).

Using a half sheet laid down next to the full sheet, you should be able to
draw one full transition. Using a sabre saw, cut out the template being
careful to stay right on your pencil line. This is where the smoothness of the
transition begins. To save time, use the first transition that you’ve cut out
as a pattern for the other transition pieces you will need. Or, apply the
string/compass method using a large piece of cardboard instead of plywood. By
doing this, you’ll have a lightweight pattern that is easy to handle for
tracing and insures that each transition is the exact same radius.

You will be able to save on expensive plywood without sacrificing the
strength of your ramp by cutting transition “ribs.” To do this, draw an initial
8′ radius and then readjust your string compass to 9′ and draw another arc
right behind the first one. This will give you a foot wide piece of plywood
with an 8′ radius arc on one side. These ‘ribs’ are then nailed onto the
framework to support the middle of the wall without using a whole piece of
plywood (Fig. 6). Full sheets of at least 5/8″ plywood should be used for the
templates on the four outside corners.

Connecting Templates to Framework

Start by placing 4 x 4 posts in each of the four corners of your bottom
framework. For extra strength sink these 2 to 3 feet into the ground. The
height of these posts will be determined by how high you want your walls and
how much vert. Start with posts 10 to 12 feet high; you can always saw off the
extra length at the top. Use a carpenter’s level to make sure everything is at
right angles and then brace the posts with 2 x 4s.

Now you’re ready to nail the plywood transition templates to the sides of
your framework. Connect the pieces of your templates together first, so that
they form one whole 90 degree arc from flat bottom to vertical. Now position
the completed template flush with the floor section of your framework and flush
with the 4″ x 4″ vertical upright post and tack it on. Do likewise around the
four corners of your framework. Now, for the tricky transition supports in
between the outer templates, you’ll want to build up some 2″ x 4″ framing that
you can hang the transition ribs on. It is important here to make sure all
your transition supports are in alignment with each other. If they’re not,
you’ll find out when you start trying to fit in your cross bracing. Use a line
level to make sure before you start the cross bracing.

Bracing

Building the 2″ x 4″ cross bracing into your ramp framework is an important
step because they supply the main support, as well as the nailing studs for the
plywood skating surface. The strongest method is to notch out the plywood
templates to accomodate a 2″ x 4″ cross brace so that its edge is flush with
the ply edge.

Make a notching “pattern” by using a full transition and tracing the end of a
2 x 4 onto the template. Do this at 6″ intervals at the bottom of the
transition and continue up the wall. Once you are past the impact zone (the
lower 2/3 of the transition) you can increase the distance between notches to 8
to 10 inches.

By making a notching pattern, either of cardboard or plywood and tracing it
onto each of the transition templates, you’ll be sure that the cross bracing is
straight from one side of the ramp to the other and more importantly, flush
with the curve of the transition template. Cut out the notching with sabre saw
and lay in the 2 x 4s.

These are plans for the framework of a basic half-pipe. Before you cover
with plywood there are some things you might want to think about adding to your
ramp. With the addition of stairs, vertical extention, coping, roll-out decks
and canyons you can turn this into a completely raging structure. Once the
plywood has been layed on ramp do your best not to even think about taking it
back up. Decide which extra features you want to add now and then move on
towards the end. Besides being a complete hassle, pulling up a sheet of
plywood after its been nailed down is a great way to waste it. Tombstones &
Extenstions

A “tombstone” is really just an extension of the vertical wall of your ramp.
Having some extra vertical footage on one side (or both sides) of your ramp is
nice for getting those extra gnarly sensations, there’s nothing like a
frontside grind on top of a 12-foot wall with 3 1/2 feet of vert. A tombstone
will also give you that extra launch needed for airs and other bio tricks that
require an extra speed thrust.

Building a tombstone into your ramp framework is easy. Just extend your wall
supports above the ramp lip for as much vert as you think you can handle, brace
it up and ply it along with the rest of the ramp.

If you want to add a tombstone to an already existing ramp, it’s a little
tricky because you’ll want to tie the extension into the subframing for max
strength. Do this by prying up the roll-out deck, adding supports where needed
and secure solidly to the existing framework behind the ramp wall. A good
place for an extension is on an edge or one corner of your ramp, because its
easier to brace there. Once it is in place you’ll be able to use it to get
good speed lines on the opposing wall of the ramp.

Canyons and Rollout Decks

Rollout decking is a must for any ramp. Most regulars will drop off the lip
from the axles or tail or just simply roll in from the top decking. It is also
much safer to ride with a rollout deck because you won’t go over the side on a
miscalculated layback air or rock ‘n’ roll. To add on to your existing ramp,
just build a basic boxlike framework behind the transitions and cover with used
ply.

Roll-in canyons are sometimes rather difficult to install once your ramp has
been completed. The optimum channel width is 3′ wide, manageable yet
challenging enough for ollie/airs and channel plant type maneuvers. A 6 ft.
roll in radius is desirable. This allows you to comfortably drop into the meat
of transition. Learning fakie tricks on the wall opposite the canyon is easier
without having to start from a fakie rock ‘n’ roll position all the time.

Build a channel opening just like a regular transition except upside down.
Start by cutting two 6′ radius transition ‘ribs’ out of some scrap ply. Fit
them in on either side of your channel gap so that they flush up against the
underside of the plywood near the top of the transition and under the rollout
platform. Nail the ribs to the framework of your ramp, 2″ x 4″ cross bracing
in between, and you’re ready to ply down (Fig. 7).

Coping

Coping applications is a must for any skate ramp. One of the best things
about coping is that it keeps the edge of your ramp from getting splintered and
ground up. Not to mention making a ramp extra grindable with less hangups.
Materials for coping are fairly plentiful as well as various in accordance with
different tastes. Here’s a quick rundown of some of the more common cope.

PVC plastic piping seems to be quite popular, plentiful and cheap. It
provides a good sliding grind with or without truck protection and is fairly
easy to install. Rip a length (at least 4′) of 2″ PVC pipe right down the
middle and you’ll have two equal halves that you can work with. Drill small
holes for nails or countersink screws and secure it to the lip.

Real pool coping is, naturally, an excellent choice for a ramp lip. It gives
you that extra bite and just has a more comfortable feel to it. Some skaters
have managed to salvage enough blocks from dirt filled or destroyed pools to
edge their ramps with, otherwise you can sometimes buy blocks at a pool supply
outlet or masonry yard.

Lately we’ve been seeing some other variations on the coping theme. Angle
iron, which is iron bar shaped in a 90 degree angle, has been showing up on a
few ramps. It is easy to apply, provides an ultra durable lip cap that will
last the lifetime of three or four ramps, if not forever, and provides a super
slippery edge for plastic and metal to metal grinding. Arguments against using
iron for cope is that it doesn’t grab well on handplant maneuvers and it hurts
a lot more than something like PVC if you slip and slap your shin against it.
But, you only live once.

Stairs & Ladders

You’re going to want to be able to get to the rollout deck of your ramp,
without running up the wall everytime. Stairs are ideal, but they are also a
bitch to build right. Ladders are not as stylish but it doesn’t take much
expertise to build one. All you need is two 2″ x4″s (minimum size for support)
the same height as your ramp and about ten short pieces for steps. Support the
long pieces and nail in the steps at whatever distance you feel comfortable
with. If you’re still hell-bent on stairs go to the library and check out a
book on carpentry, you should be able to find plans and put together a mean
staircase.

THAT IMPORTANT FIRST LAYER

Let’s recap a few strong points that we’ve already covered. Before you even
think of applying the first layer of plywood you should have solid
reinforcement in the framework and crosspieces of the flat, transition, and
vertical sections of the ramp. The transition should have rigidly supported 2″
x 4″ cross members spaced, at the most, 6″ apart. The floor of the ramp should
be just that: as close to a solid unit as possible. The optimum for this flat
bottomed section would be to build almost exclusively from lumber like a
redwood deck or patio.

Another way to attain a completely rigid ramp floor is to construct it like
the floor of your house with a cement block foundation supporting a solid
framework structure and the entire flat area covered with 3/4″ – 1 1/4″ thick
plywood. The next time you see a house under construction, stop and check out
how the floors are made. It is a simple framework, with HEAVY DUTY plywood on
top. You’ll want your floor as inflexible as possible.

If your transition and vertical cross members are into notches in the
transition templates, make sure they are solidly secured at each notch point.
Get on the side of the ramp and sight down the length of the framework. This
is important because you want the first layer of plywood to flush on each cross
brace to achieve a flowing, ‘kinkless’ transition.

There are a few things to keep in mind when designing the supporting
framework: 1) Floor area plywood pieces must always run lengthwise with the
grain running in the direction of the skating (coping to coping). This means
that the braces under these pieces should be positioned such that the plywood
can be fastened lengthwise along the edges to these supporting braces. 2>
Where two pieces of plywood meet on the transitions there tends to be a certain
amount of straightening of the pieces in the seam area because there are no
internal shear stresses set up in the wood to hold it down. To remedy this, I
would suggest placing extra support brace cross members on either side of the
seam supporting cross members to help hold down the edges of the plywood into a
smooth curvature. 3) If you choose to construct the floor of the ramp with
lumber decking or heavy duty 1 1/4″ plywood, you will only need, at the most,
one layer of 3/8″ on top of that and it should last a lifetime. With this in
mind, design the transition so that the layers of ply stack up to the height of
this single layer on flat. There’s no use in putting three or four layers on
top of a perfectly solid floor. 4) Get out the old geometry book and calculate
the surface distance from the top of one side of the ramp to the top of the
other. This will help you determine how much plywood you will need and it
should give you an idea of the most efficient, economical way to lay it down on
the framework to get the best use of the wood.

Once you have achieved a strong, rigidly secured supporting framework, you
are ready to apply the all important first layer.

Plywood is constructed with cross-grained layers of wood and therefore has
its strength in the lengthwise direction, because there are more plys running
in this direction within the piece of plywood. The same principle can be used
in surface construction of your ramp by alternating each layer of 3/8″ thick
plywood on your ramp: Make the first layer run lengthwise, the second layer
crosswise and the last layer lengthwise again. This will give the best
strength and stability to the riding surface.

If your ramp has a tight transition design you may have trouble bending the
pieces of plywood (especially lengthwise) into the transition without cracking
or breaking them.

To check for this problem, lay your plywood pieced down on the ramp so that
half are on the floor and half on the transition. Now, gently apply steady
pressure to the piece. If it can be flexed all the way down without stress
fracturing, then move it to the transition and try it again. Here you may hear
a few creaks and groans as you ease it into place, but don’t worry unless it
really sounds gnarly. Whatever you do don’t shove it down or have some idiot
stamping on it to jam it in place, it will break instantly. If the pieces of
plywood cannot be eased down gently and steadily into place without them
screaming in pain, then you’ll have to soak them first to get them to comply.

Do this by forming a shallow, flat bath out of a plastic tarp and soak the
wood for a day under water. Make sure you are using exterior grade plywood if
you do this. A way to get around this problem if you are buying new plywood is
to look around for fresh, still damp exterior plywood at the hardware store or
lumber yard and purchase it the day you plan to surface your ramp. Bring it
straight to the ramp site and apply it. You should have no trouble at all
doing it this way.

Make sure they are all positioned correctly and parallel. Now use dry wall,
sheet rock type, screws to secure down the plywood.

It is crucial here to get this layer tightly secured and fitted against all
support members in the flat area and the transitions of the framework. To do
this now on the transitions, the screws must be applied in horizontal rows
working from the bottom of the sheet to the top. Do not merely tack down the
corners while holding down the sheet, then put screws in at random. This will
result in a poor fit to the transition. Each row of sheets must be applied in
step from the floor to the top of the ramp for the best fit.

Make sure you pay attention to details during this first layer application.
Seams should be flush, with corners all joining at a point; sheets with cracks
and defects should be placed facing down and in the outer corners of the ramp.
Your strongest pieces should be put on the middle transition area.

Sheets placed on crooked or gaps left between sheets will cause a compounding
problem that will magnify as you go about laying down the rest of the first
layer. Don’t be conservative with screws. The more screws you use, the closer
the plywood will assume your intended transition, and the smoother and more
solid will be your ride. Make sure all screws go into brace supports. If
there appear to be any soft spots, then replace that piece or build up more
supports and bracing behind it.

FINAL TOUCHES

The second, third and each successive layer of plywood should be alternated
or criss-crossed when applied. It will be much easier to lay these alternate
layers but remember to line up all the sheets so that they are parallel and fit
well together at the seams. Try not to align the seams of the second layer
over the seams of the first, in fact stagger it as much as possible for maximum
strength.

Check the smoothness of the surface, use sandpaper to smooth out any spots
where there might be splinter action. Check out where the sheets of plywood
meet each other, check for nails or screws sticking up and for uneven surfaces.
Check out the supports, stomp on the ramp and make sure it’s solid, give it a
good enough beating that you can be sure it’s not going to come apart on you.

Now that you’ve completed the basic structure, you may want to session it for
a few days to get that initial buzz out of your system. For all intents and
purposes you are done, however, if you still have the funds there are some
things you should do to protect the surface and insure your ramp’s long life.
The dumpings of winter rain and snow and the scorching summer sun on some poor
ramps can deteriorate all that nice wood fast. A little preventive medicine in
the form of surface protection is going to go a long way to preserve your
riding surface.

Painting is the cheapest way to protect your ramp’s surface, not to mention
giving you a chance to personalize it with your art skills. Your basic enamel
(water base) exterior paint works best because it soaks in and dries fast. You
should apply two thin coats rather than one thick coat, letting the first one
dry before applying the second. This will prevent the surface from becoming
slippery.

Water sealant can be added to the layer directly beneath the top layer. The
top layer can be coated on both sides and edges.

Allow everything to dry for at least 24 hours before applying the top layer
to the ramp. This method works well with masonite and will keep water from
seeping in from behind during the wet months.

One of the best surface coverings is SPAR urethane. This will make your
plywood or masonite top layer superfast and ultra-endurable. Apply two light
coats then one heavy coat, allowing it to drip into all the cracks and seams of
the surface layer. About 3 cans will do the job for a 16′ wide ramp.

An expensive route, but one that, if done right, will stay for years is the
application of 1/8″ masonite shower wall on top of a layer of masonite or very
smooth, high grade plywood. Shower walling is a thin, easily bendable, epoxy
coated masonite that is 100% waterproof, and requires no screws or nails to
apply. There are dozens of surface designs available in any bathroom supply
section at any hardware store. To apply this wonder surface you will need
ample amounts of epoxy-base glue, such as linoleum glue, or any strong
industrial adhesive. Slap liberal coats onto each sheet and press with a
rolling pin into place on top of your top layer. Remember, this is a surfacing
technique, NOT a support layer. Shower wall will not increase the strength of
your ramp at all. You must make sure your underplys are very strong and smooth
before applying shower wall. Once applied, you will have the hardest, fastest,
most impregnable surface known at this point in ramp construction.

NOTE: Any of the sealing methods must be done thoroughly so that water
cannot seep under the top layer. When this happens, the moisture will stay in
between the plys because the sealant won’t allow the top layer to breathe, thus
allowing it to dry out. The moisture will cause rot and mildew in the wood and
you’ll have to tear it up.

Now you have your ramp. Our best wishes go out to you and your new
structure, may it be a long-term high-energy affair. If you have done the work
right, shown patience and not blown anything off, then all that’s left is the
ride. Skate unconventionally but stay safe.

OWNING YOUR RAMP

Legality

If you have dealt with the proper legal channels as mentioned in the
beginning of this booklet and your ramp meets local construction ordinances,
etc., then you should have little to worry about, the law cannot get you unless
someone makes a complaint. As mentioned before, your neighbors are the ones
who can put a legal stop to your ramp riding. Bear down and do your best to
avoid offending them and things will go much smoother for you.

If the ramp is up by a neighbor’s fence, put up some kind of catch netting to
stop flying boards. If it is prone to be an eyesore, then paint the ramp a
suitable color or nail paneling around the sides and back. The neighbors may
complain about the noise when the ramp is being skated. This noise comes from
underneath the transitions. You can dampen this noise by stuffing foam rubber,
styrofoam or insulation in the back between the support braces. Even a few old
sleeping bags tacked in place will help.

Set a time limit for sessions and watch the volume of music if you play it.
A lot of neighbors don’t mind the noise but after twelve hours of skating and
rocking most non-skater’s nerves will grow thin. Put out a trash can for
litter.

Liability

It is very important to realize that you are liable for any injuy that occurs
on your property which includes your ramp. People in this country have a very
selfish tradition of blaming someone else if they take a risk and get hurt.
They try to justify their injury by making someone else pay the price in cold
hard cash. With the amount of money-hungry lawyers out there who specialize in
lawsuits, charging no fee unless they win, it’s no wonder that everyone seems
to be getting sued. To avoid this fate yourself, you had better make it clear
to all skaters who ride your ramp that they are riding AT THEIR OWN RISK. Post
a sheet of ground rules easily visible from the ramp. This will minimize the
chance that you and your family will be liable. Make everyone wear all safety
equipment, especially helmets. Many ramp owners require skaters to sign “Skate
at your own risk” type release forms to exclude them from liability. These
rules may seem tiresome and a pain but you are responsible for enforcing them.
It is much better to skate safe, and have your friends do so, than to be
battling in court or living in the streets.

Finally, don’t let things get out of hand around the ramp. You, as the
owner, are responsible for keeping it under control, even if it means telling
some out of line skaters to take off. Many times a new ramp will attract a
crowd you don’t even know who make themselves right at home by barging into
your house for a drink, pissing in your yard or severely thrashing your ramp
and property in a frenzied skate session. It is your right as the owner to
determine the who, when, where, and what of your ramp so don’t let yourself be
pushed around, make decisions and stick by them.

REHABILITATION OF OLDER RAMPS

There will probably come a point after hours of sessioning and multiple
weather beating days, that you will have to make repairs on your ramp. If you
have taken care and preserved the wood with a protective layer then the repairs
should only be minor, usually soft spots, kinks or spongy areas.

A common “solution” to these problems seems to be slapping on more and more
layers of plywood until it “goes away.” This can be very expensive and will
hardly ever work in the long run. We’ve seen the same weak spot resurface in
the exact same place though more than 10 layers had been put on the ramp in
question.

The way to fix these defects is by getting to the root of the problem, like
when you go the dentist: when you have a cavity, he makes sure he gets to the
bottom of it before he starts filling it. If he doesn’t, then you still have
the problem. Most of the troubles on the riding surface are due to weak or
kinked transition structures, look behind the the ramp if possible, where the
problem spot lies. You may find that the cross members are broken or weak at
that point, and need to be braced. If it is possible to do this without
removing any plywood, simply brace the bad cross piece with extra 2 x 4’s or
steel brackets. Often the bad spot is impossible to get to from behind. In
this case, remove all layers of plywood over the spot and support the frame
work underneath. Always replace the plywood with new layers where the soft
spot has been repaired.

When a plywood related surface problem develops, the best solution is to
replace that sheet. A lot of funky methods are used to avoid doing this, like:
cramming the spot with wood chips and duct-taping it closed (works for about
three runs), nailing a scrap of tin over the spot (usually more death than the
spot by itself), or chiseling out the piece of plywood that contains the spot
and nailing in another piece (extremely weak). Replace the entire piece of
plywood whenever possible. If the spot is small and replacing the whole sheet
just seems like a waste, then there are a few alternatives. The best thing to
repair a hole or soft spot with in this case is something resin-based like
fiberglass. Chip the bad area open with a chisel and clean it out good. Now
apply a filler like bondo or fiberglass layers to bring the hole up to the
surface of the rest of the piece of plywood. Once this is dry, lay a piece of
fiberglass over the whole area to make it smooth. Be careful when using resins
to fix holes and soft spots, they set very fast when it’s hot, and you need
acetone to get the stuff off tools or your hands. Fiberglass sticks well to
the wood on ramps and is far stronger than plywood so it will hold up well
under punishment.

Another ramp repair method that has been suggested is using a mixture of
Elmer’s glue and fine sawdust. Once this stuff dries it can be easily sanded
and smoothed flush.

Once again, when making surface repairs in the ramp, get down to the root of
the problem. Most soft spots, kinks, and other defects are caused by flexible
or weak supporting structure (i.e., bent, cracked, or broken cross members), so
this is where the bracing and additional support is needed. Do not neglect to
repair all spots before they become dangerously large.

Build strong and skate long.

A Note About Radiation Damage By The Red Phoenix (1994)

A Note on Radiation Damage

“There is no safe level of radiation exposure. So the question is not: What
is a safe level? The question is: How great is the risk?”

Karl Z. Morgan

There have been three major theories as to how radiation damages living
tissue, all set by physicians. All are approximations, and based on broad
assumptions.

(1) The threshold hypothesis: asserts that there exists a safe level of
radiation. The idea behind this thinking is that if the does is low, then
the cell repair rate is of the order of the damage rate. Hence you get
no resultant damage.

(2) The linear hypothesis: under this theory, you would expect 1 malignant
cancer for 1000 person-rems. For example, you would find one cancerous
patient if you exposed 500 people to 2 rems, or 10000 people to 0.1 rems.

(3) The supralinear hypothesis: the main result here is that for low doses
you get more cancers/person-rem than at high doses. Here they not saying you
get more radiation; instead, you get more damaged surviving cells.

Some Facts

There are 4 types of ionising radiation. These are alphas
(fast moving helium nuclei),
betas (electrons), gammas (high energy EM radiation), and neutrons (highly
penetrating).

How does damage occur? In other words, how does radiation cause cancer?

A typical cell is around 0.02mm across, a cell nucleus is about 0.001mm.

When radiation, say a gamma, enters your body, there is a chance it will
intersect with one of your cells. Inside any cell is a nucleus, which
contains chromosomes. These are essentially DNA helixes. DNA looks like
two entwined strings of nucleotides – the amino acids A, T, C, and G. Across
strands they are paired A-T and C-G. A portion of DNA (a series of these
acids) is called a gene. Genes exist along chromosomes, and they contain
the data for proteins.

If the radiation happens to pass into the cell nucleus (which is a relatively
large entity compared to the rest of the cell), one of 4 things can happen.

All exposure subjects cells to risk. In order of decreasing probability:

(1) radiation goes right thru, no interaction.
(2) radiation does irrepairable destruction, and cell dies.
(3) radiation does damage to nucleus. Cell survives in
this damaged state. After it repetitively divides, it
grows into a solid tumour after 30 odd years – cancer.
(4) radiation does repairable damage, and cell returns to
normal state. (Very low probability).

Possibility (3) is the one to watch out for. During division, the DNA
strands stretch out, and it is during this time which your cells are most
susceptible to damage.

It is also possible for the radiation to ionise the water in the cell
cytoplasm, leading to the formation of free radicals, which can travel
some distance. They can react chemically with the DNA in the nucleus,
interfering with the chemical bonding along the helix.

Two types of damaging interaction can occur with the amino acids.

(a) point mutations
– deletion
– substitution
– inversion
– addition

(b) large scale mutations (chromosome aberrations)
– deletion e.g. retinoblastoma
– amplification
– translocation

It is also possible to have compound breaks along the DNA, which is not
easy for the cell to repair, unlike single strand or double strand breaks.

The cell and nuclear membranes are also susceptible to damage. This could
be due to alterations in permeability/osmosis in the membrane due to the
radiation-induced imbalance of ionised particles.

Once a certain threshold is exceeded, you will start saturating the cells.
This lethal threshold serves to define two categories of radiation.

Effects

EFFECT NATURE THRESHOLD? DOSE DEPENDENCE

Stochastic Non-lethal mutations No Probability of
(somatic or affecting single cells effect increases
genetic) with dose

Deterministic Lethal mutations Yes Severity of
affecting large number effect increases
of cells with dose

Cancer

Stem cells are ones which are able to undergo mitosis when the human body
has reached full maturity. Examples are blood cells, and the cells lining
your intestines. During normal functioning of your body, cell replacement
balances cell loss.

In cancer, a stem fails to stop its mitosis. It and its descendants divide
uncontrolled, forming a tumour. A bit like a binary tree in cell
multiplicity.

Oncogenes are genes which interfere with the cell division process. They
are mutations of proto-oncogenes, whose role are to control cell growth
and mitosis. It is thought radiation promotes creation of oncogenes.

There are also cancer-suppressing genes, which inhibit oncogene formation.
The best known example is the Rb gene, which inhibits retinoblastoma.

After all of this, let me add a fourth idea on radiation damage:

(4) probability of hereditary genetic damage or cancer is a function of:

type of radiation (a,b,g,n) x energy of radiation x dose rate

Here you have 4 discrete degrees of freedom, and 2 continuous degrees: rate &
energy. Assume that there is a cut-off energy for a unit of a particular type
of radiation, E_max, such that if E > E_max a cell will die, and E < E_max
the cell will survive (either in damaged or undamaged state). We are worried
about the E E_max then you get radiation poisoning and
you will definitely die if you get a large enough dose.

The probability of nucleus intersection is a function of radiation type. (The
size of radiation varies considerably.)

The probability of a nucleus being hit twice or more is very low, unless
the number of incident radiation approaches the sample size. In which case
you get radiation poisoning and die anyway.

You get a 6D phase space of statistical mechanics. Supplement this with an
action in path integral form. Plotted, you’d have a 6D graph, unlike your
normal 3D graphs. It’s worse than the 4D spacetime of general relativity.
No wonder the physicicans only plot projections! You can trace out a person’s
history in this phase space, and then give them a final probability of
cancer/hereditary damage.

============================================================================

Plutonium’s Risk to Human Health Depend On Its Form

In a nuclear explosium, plutonium-239 fissions and releases a huge amount of
energy and radiation. But plutonium itself is a highly toxic element that requires
a great deal of care in handling.

Experts agree that the silvery, unstable metal plutonium-239, with a half-life of
24,000 years, is hazardous and sould be isolated from the biosphere. However, the
risks posed to workers and communities by stored plutonium depend on the route of
exposure as well as the particle size, isotope, and chemical form.

Weapons-grade plutonium outside the body presents little risk unless exposures are
frequent and extensive. It emits primarily alpha particles, which cannot penetrate
skin, clothing, or even paper. Nearly all the energy from plutonium is deposited
on the outer, nonliving layer of the skin, where it causes no damage. The neutrons
and the relatively weak gamma photons it emits can penetrate the body, but large
amounts of weapons-grade plutonium would be needed to yield substantial doses.

Workers wearing only lead aprons can handle steel drums containing solid plutonium
metal with no immediate untoward effects. However, as weapons-grade plutonium
ages, it becomes more dangerous because some of the contaminating plutonium-241 is
converted via beta decay to americium-241, which emits far stronger gamma
radiation.

On the other hand, plutonium inside the body is highly toxi. Solid plutonium metal
is neither easily dispersed nor easily inhaled or absorbed into the body. But if
plutonium metal is exposed to air to any degree, it slowly oxidizes to plutonium
oxide (PuO2), which is a powdery, much more dispersable substance. Depending on
the particle size, plutonium-239 oxide may lodge deep in the alveoli of the lung
where it has a biological half-life of 500 days, and alpha particles from the
opxide can cause cancer. Also, fractions of the inhaled plutonium oxide can slowly
dissolve, enter the bloodstream, and end up primarily in bone or liver.

Plutonium oxide is weakly soluble in water. If it is ingested in food or water,
only a small fraction (4 parts per 10,000) is absorbed into the gastrointestinal
tract. However, it may take just a few millionths of a gram to cause cancer over
time. In animals, small doses induce cancer, especially in lung and bone.

In published studies of plutonium’s effects on humans, most subjects were exposed
to multiple sources of radiation. Some researchers say the available health data
on plutonium workers have not yet been used to do careful epidemiological studies,
because researchers have been denied access to much of the data on workers and
military personnel exposed to plutonium. In the studies done so far, plutonium
workers do not show major excesses of any type of cancer.

Becuase of the relative lack of human data, the risks of chronic exposure to
plutonium are uncertain. Exposure standards in the U.S. are based partly on
studies of survivors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and partly on animal experiments. A
1991 White House Office of Science & Technology Policy studye says that
“sufficient human data are not available to provide accurate risk assessment of
exposure.”

============================================================================

Nuclear Blast Effects

The first thing bomb victims experience is the intense flux of photons from
the blast, which releases 70-80% of the bomb’s energy. See the Hiroshima-
Nagasaki file for first hand accounts. The effects go up to third degree
thermal burns, and are not a pretty sight. Initial deaths are due to this
effect.

Then next phenomenon is the supersonic blast front. You see it before you
hear it. The pressure front has the effect of blowing away anything in its
path. Heavy steel girders were found bent at 90 degree angles after the
Japanese bombings.

After the front comes the overpressure phase. It would feel like being under
water a few hundred metres. At a few thousand metres under the sea, pressurised
hulls implode. The pressure gradually dies off, and there is a negative
overpressure phase, with a reversed blast wind. This reversal is due to
air rushing back to fill the void left by the explosion.

The air gradually returns to room pressure. At this stage, fires caused by
electrical destruction and ignited debris, turn the place into a firestorm.
Just like Dresden in WWII. It is estimated over fifty thousand died in the
first few days of the Hiroshima bombing.

Then come the middle term effects such as keloid formation and retinal
blastoma.

Genetic or hereditary damage can show up up to forty years after initial
irradiation.

The following diagram is of blast zone radii, courtesy of Outlaw Labs.
Note that damage from blast pressure falls off as a function of 1/r^3.

============================================================================

– Breakdown of the Atomic Bomb’s Blast Zones –
———————————————-

.
. .

. . .
. .
[5] [4] [5]
.
. . . .

. . . .

. [3] _ [3] .
. . [2] . .
. _._ .
. .~ ~. .
. . [4] . .[2]. [1] .[2]. . [4] . .
. . . .
. ~-.-~ .
. . [2] . .
. [3] – [3] .

. . . .

. ~ ~ .
~
[5] . [4] . [5]
.
. .

. .
.

============================================================================

– Diagram Outline –
———————

[1] Vaporization Point
——————
Everything is vaporized by the atomic blast. 98% fatalities.
Overpress=25 psi. Wind velocity=320 mph.

[2] Total Destruction
—————–
All structures above ground are destroyed. 90% fatalities.
Overpress=17 psi. Wind velocity=290 mph.

[3] Severe Blast Damage
——————-
Factories and other large-scale building collapse. Severe damage
to highway bridges. Rivers sometimes flow countercurrent.
65% fatalities, 30% injured.
Overpress=9 psi. Wind velocity=260 mph.

[4] Severe Heat Damage
——————
Everything flammable burns. People in the area suffocate due to
the fact that most available oxygen is consumed by the fires.
50% fatalities, 45% injured.
Overpress=6 psi. Wind velocity=140 mph.

[5] Severe Fire & Wind Damage
————————-
Residency structures are severely damaged. People are blown
around. 2nd and 3rd-degree burns suffered by most survivors.
15% dead. 50% injured.
Overpress=3 psi. Wind velocity=98 mph.

—————————————————————————-

– Blast Zone Radii –
———————-
[3 different bomb types]
____________________________________________________________________________
______________________ ______________________ ______________________
| | | | | |
| -[10 KILOTONS]- | | -[1 MEGATON]- | | -[20 MEGATONS]- |
|———————-| |———————-| |———————-|
| Airburst – 1,980 ft | | Airburst – 8,000 ft | | Airburst – 17,500 ft |
|______________________| |______________________| |______________________|
| | | | | |
| [1] 0.5 miles | | [1] 2.5 miles | | [1] 8.75 miles |
| [2] 1 mile | | [2] 3.75 miles | | [2] 14 miles |
| [3] 1.75 miles | | [3] 6.5 miles | | [3] 27 miles |
| [4] 2.5 miles | | [4] 7.75 miles | | [4] 31 miles |
| [5] 3 miles | | [5] 10 miles | | [5] 35 miles |
| | | | | |
|______________________| |______________________| |______________________|
____________________________________________________________________________

============================================================================

Atmospheric Effects of Blasts

The Mushroom Cloud

The heat from fusion and fission instantaneously raises the surrounding air
to 10 million degrees C. This superheated air plasma gives off so much light
that it looks brighter than the sun, and is visible hundreds of kms away.
The resultant fireball quickly expands. It is made up of hot air, and hence
rises, at a rate of a few hundred metres per second. After a minute or so,
the fireball has risen to a few kilometres, and has cooled off to the extent
that it no longer radiates.

The surrounding cooler air exerts some drag on this rising air, which slows
down the outer edges of the cloud. The unimpeded inner portion rises a bit
more quicker than the outer edges. A vacuum effect occurs when the outer
portion occupies the vacuum left by the higher inner portion. The result is
a smoke ring.

The inner material gradually expands out into a mushroom cloud, due to
convection. If the explosion is on the ground, dirt and radioactive debris
get sucked up the stem, which sits below the fireball.

Collisions and ionisation of the cloud particles result in lightning bolts
flickering to the ground.

Initially, the cloud is orange-red due to nitrous oxide formation (cf car
smog). This reaction happens whenever air is heated.

When the cloud cools to air temperature, the water vapour starts to
condense. The cloud turns from red to white.

In the final stages, the cloud can get about 100km across and 40km high,
for a megaton class explosion.

============================================================================

Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP)

A nuclear explosion gives off radiation at all wavelengths of light. Some
is in the radio/radar portion of the spectrum – the EMP effect. The EMP
effect increases the higher you go into the atmosphere. High altitude
explosions can knock out electronics by inducing a current surge in
closed circuit metallic objects – computers, power lines, phone lines,
TVs, radios, etc. The damage range can be over 1000km.

============================================================================

Here are some good references on radiation damage. See also the main
References file.

AUTHOR: Sumner, David, D. Phil
TITLE: Radiation risks : an evaluation / David Sumner, Tom Wheldon, Walter
Watson. — 3rd ed.
ISBN/ISSN: 187078104X
IMPRINT: Glasgow [Scotland], Tarragon Press, 1991
PHYS DESC: 236 p., ill., map, 21 cm.
ADD AUTH1: Wheldon, Tom
ADD AUTH2: Watson, Walter
NOTE 1: Includes index Bibliography: p. 227-229
SUBJECT 1: Radiation–Physiological effect
SUBJECT 2: Cells–Effect of radiation on
[Good introductory work.]

CALL NO: Me f 616.989707 LOW
TITLE: Low-level radiation effects: a fact book: prepared by Subcommittee
on Risks of Low-Level Ionizing Radiation: A. Bertrand Brill … [et
al.]
ISBN/ISSN: 0932004148
IMPRINT: New York, NY: Society of Nuclear Medicine: c1982-
PHYS DESC: 1 v. (loose-leaf): ill: 30 cm.
ADD AUTH1: Brill, A. Bertrand
ADD AUTH2: Society of Nuclear Medicine. Subcommittee on Risks of Low-Level
Ionizing Radiation
NOTE 1: To be kept up to date by inserts
SUBJECT 1: Ionizing radiation–Physiological effect
SUBJECT 2: Ionizing radiation–Toxicology
SUBJECT 3: Radiation injuries
SUBJECT 4: Low-level radiation–Physiological effect

CALL NO: Me 574.1915 BIOL
TITLE: Biological effects of low-level radiation : proceedings of an
international symposium on the effects of low-level radiation with
special regard to stochastic and non-stochastic effects / jointly
organized by the International Atomic Energy Agency and the World
Health Organisation, and held in Venice, Italy, 11-15 April 1983
ISBN/ISSN: 9200101836
IMPRINT: Vienna, International Atomic Energy Agency, 1983
PHYS DESC: 682 p., ill, 24 cm. (Proceedings series)
ADD AUTH1: International Atomic Energy Agency
ADD AUTH2: World Health Organization
SERIES 1: Proceedings series (International Atomic Energy Agency)
NOTE 1: English and French
SUBJECT 1: Radiation–Toxicology–Congresses
SUBJECT 2: Radiation–Physiological effect–Congresses

CALL NO: DS 574.1915 KIEF
AUTHOR: Kiefer, J (Jurgen) , 1936- [Biologische Strahlenwirkung. English]
TITLE: Biological radiation effects / Jurgen Kiefer
ISBN/ISSN: 3540510893
IMPRINT: Berlin, New York, Springer-Verlag, c1990
PHYS DESC: xvii, 444 p., ill, 24 cm.
NOTE 1: Rev. translation of: Biologishce Strahlenwirkung Includes
bibliographical references (p. [415]-435) and indexes
SUBJECT 1: Radiobiology
SUBJECT 2: Radiation–Physiological effect
SUBJECT 4: Radiation protection

To learn more about air explosions, see the Reference by Kinney and Graham,
“Explosive Shocks in Air”.

The Red Phoenix, 1994.

Large Collection Of Quotes By Famous People

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming
better than you are.”
–Julius Charles Hare

“You are all you will ever have for certain.”
–June Havoc

“Don’t take anyone else’s definition of success as your own.
(This is easier said than done.)”
–Jacqueline Briskin

Don’t let your hopes run wild:

“He that lives upon hope will die fasting.”
–Benjamin Franklin

“Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.”
–Francis Bacon

“The ability to accept responsibility s the measure of the
man.”
–Roy L. Smith

“It’s like magic. When you live by yourself, all your
annoying habits are gone!”
–Merrill Markoe

Don’t hesitate:

“Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.”
–Victor Kiam

“Why always, ‘not yet?’ Do flowers in spring say, ‘not
yet?'”
–Norman Douglas

“People are like stained glass windows;they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within.”

“The follies a man regrets most in his life are those which
he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.”
–Helen Rowland

“Too many of us are hung up on what we don’t have, can’t
have, or won’t ever have. We spend too much energy being
down, when we could use that same energy – if not less of it
– doing, or at least trying to do, some of the things we
really want to do.”
–Terry McMillan

Never assume that you “know” human nature:
“Man is always worse than most people suspect, but also
generally better than most people dream.”
–Reinhold Niebuhr

“A man is more complex, infinitely more so, than his
thoughts.”
–Paul Valery

“The door of opportunity won’t open unless you do some
pushing.”
–Anon.

“True affluence is not needing anything.”
–Gary Snyder

Always make sure that what you think you see is not just what
you want to see

“Beware that you do not lose the substance by grasping at the
shadow” –Aesop

“God help those who do not help themselves.”
–Wilson Mizener

“Follow your bliss. Find where it is and don’t be afraid to
follow it.”
–Joseph Campbell

“Those see nothing but faults that seek for nothing else.”
–Thomas Fuller
If you would love and be loved, be ready to give your all:

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get —
only with what you are expecting to give — which is
everything.”
–Katharine Hepburn

“If you give your life as a wholehearted response to love,
then love will wholeheartedly respond to you.”
–Marianne Williamson

“I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear
of change . . . . I have gone ahead despite the pounding in
the heart that says: turn back . . . .”
–Erica Jong

“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.”
–Francis Bacon

Don’t confuse wealth and success with happiness:

“It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and
occupation, which give happiness.”
–Thomas Jefferson

“Success can also cause misery. The trick is not to be
surprised when you discover it doesn’t bring you all the
happiness and answers you thought it would.”
–the artist formerly known as Prince

“It’s pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty
and wealth have both failed.”
–Kin Hubbard

“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.”
–Margaret Mitchell

“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what
you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of
mankind achieve the second”
–Logan Pearsall Smith

“Faith is the only known cure for fear.”
–Lena K. Sadler
“Do not do onto others as you would they should do onto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.”
–George Bernard Shaw

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts;
but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end
in certainties.”
–Francis Bacon

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing
can be done without hope and confidence.”
–Helen Keller

“Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith,
and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action,
richer in achievement and experience.”
–Eddie Rickenbacker

“Other people’s interruptions of your work are relatively
insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt
yourself.”
–Brendan Francis

“Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious
creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some
play and pure foolishness.”
–May Sarton

“What is now proved was once imagined.”
–William Blake

“No matter how big or soft or warm your bed is, you still
have to get out of it.”
–Grace Slick

“Use what talents you have; the woods would have little music
if no birds sang their song except those who sang best.”
–Reverend Oliver G. Wilson

“One of the sources of pride in being a human being is the
ability to bear present frustrations in the interests of
longer purposes.”
–Helen Merrell Lynd

“The first step to knowledge is to know that we are
ignorant.”
–Lord David Cecil

If you would keep your friends, hold your tongue:

“It is important to our friends that we are unreservedly
frank with them, and important to our friendship that we are
not.”
–Mignon McLaughlin

“Don’t tell friends their social faults; they will cure the
fault and never forgive you.”
–Logan Pearsall Smith

“If we all told what we know of one another, there would not
be four friends in the world.”
–Blaise Pascal

“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something
you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.”
–Doris Lessing

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”
–Raymond Linquist

“To change and to improve are two different things.”
–German proverb

“Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to
yourself the most comforting words of all: This, too, shall
pass.”
–Ann Landers
“Happy the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind,
and has given up worrying, once and for all.”
–Ovid

“What worries you, masters you.”
–Haddon W. Robinson

“Don’t hurry, don’t worry. You’re only here for a short
visit. So be sure and stop to smell the flowers.”
–Walter Hagen

“Nothing can be done except little by little.”
–Charles Baudelaire

“I recommend that you take care of the minutes, for the hours
will take care of themselves.”
–Lord Chesterfield

“Life is a great bundle of little things.”
–Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
–Thomas La Mance

“Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your
toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your
shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up
and pass a very comfortable night.”
–Marion Howard

“Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but most
of us look the other way and lose it.”
–Mark Twain

“You have no idea how big the other fellow’s troubles are.”
–B. C. Forbes

“Immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your
secret reveries that you were born to control affairs.”
–Andrew Carnegie

“Hope is a risk that must be run.”
–Georges Bernanos

“When thinking won’t cure fear, action will.”
–W. Clement Stone

Don’t be afraid to make a mistake — go ahead and goof:

“Truth will sooner come out of error than from confusion.”
–Francis Bacon

“If I had my life to live over again, I’d dare to make more
mistakes the next time.”
–Nadine Stair

“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes,
only sooner.”
–Tallulah Bankhead

“Life can be real rough . . . you can either learn from your
problems, or keep repeating them over and over.”
–Marie Osmond

“Creating success is tough. But keeping it is tougher. You
have to keep producing, you can never stop.”
–Pete Rose

“Losses are comparative, only imagination makes them of any
moment.”
–Blaise Pascal
“Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the
complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.”
–Charles Mingus

All generalizations are false, including this one.

If you fall from the tree leave the anger on the branches

“I have lived my life according to this principle: If I’m
afraid of it, then I must do it.”
–Erica Jong

“The greatest wisdom often consists in ignorance.”
–Baltasar Gracian

“I go at what I am about as if there was nothing else in the
world for the time being.”
–Charles Lingsley

Remember that wealth is relative:

“He is poor who does not feel content.”
–Japanese proverb

“If your desires be endless, your cares and fears will be so,
too.”
–Thomas Fuller

“I have the greatest of all riches: that of not desiring
them.”
–Eleonora Duse

“There’s no labor a man can do that’s undignified, if he does
it right.”
–Bill Cosby

“No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back.”
–Turkish proverb

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
–Oscar Wilde

Learn from life:

“[Experience is] how life catches up with us and teaches us
to love and forgive each other.”
–Judy Collins

“A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.”
–Miguel de Cervantes

“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we
would all be millionaires.”
–Abigail Van Buren

“Unless I accept my faults, I will most certainly doubt my
virtues.”
–Hugh Prather

“If you can’t write your idea on the back of my calling card,
you don’t have a clear idea.”
–David Belasco

“I love the challenge of starting at zero every day and
seeing how much I can accomplish.”
–Martha Stewart

Don’t confuse being alone with loneliness:

“Solitude is the human condition in which I keep myself
company. Loneliness comes about when I am alone without being
able to split up into the two-in-one, without being able to
keep myself company.”
–Hannah Arendt

“I never found the companion that was so companionable as
solitude.”
–Henry David Thoreau

“This great misfortune — to be incapable of solitude.”
–Jean De La Bruyere

“Everything’s in the mind. That’s where it all starts.
Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it.”
–Mae West

“Difficulties exist to be surmounted.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Luck is largely a matter of paying attention.”
–Susan M. Dodd

Cultivate your capacity to give:

“To give and not to feel that one has given is the very best
of all ways of giving.”
–Max Beerbohm

“Give, if thou can, an alms; if not, a sweet and gentle
word.”
–Robert Herrick

“Real unselfishness consists in sharing the interests of
others.”
–George Santayana

“All problems become smaller if you don’t dodge them, but
confront them.”
–William F. Halsey

“Pain is the root of knowledge.”
–Simone Weil

“The ideal day never comes. Today is ideal for him who would make
it so.”
–Horatio W. Dresser

Encourage achievement by letting people know you think
they’re up to it:

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.”
–Lady Bird Johnson

“A great manager has a knack for making ballplayers think
they are better than they think they are. He forces you to
have a good opinion of yourself. He lets you know he
believes in you. He makes you get more out of yourself. And
once you learn how good you really are, you never settle for
playing anything less than your very best.”
–Reggie Jackson

“However much we guard against it, we tend to shape ourselves
in the image others have of us.”
–Eric Hoffer

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.”
–Mignon McLaughlin

“The human mind can bear plenty of reality, but not too much
intermittent gloom.”
–Margaret Drabble

“Speak when you’re angry – and you’ll make the best speech
you’ll ever regret.”
–Laurence Peter

Never desert your own line of talent. Be what nature
intended you for, and you will succeed.”
–Sydney Smith

“The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.”
–Don Herold

“There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.”
–Mark Twain

“If one truly has lost hope, one would not be around to say
so.”
–Eric Bentley

“Let me tell thee, time is a very precious gift of God; so
precious that it is only given to us moment by moment.”
–Amelia Barr

“Our very business in life is not to get ahead of others, but
to get ahead of ourselves.”
–Thomas L. Monson

“Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The
only completely consistent people are the dead.”
–Aldous Huxley

Happiness is a state of mind, so move to that state:

“The greatest part of our happiness or misery depends on our
dispositions, and not our circumstances.”
–Martha Washington

“The most unhappy of all men is he who believes himself to be
so.”
–David Hume

“Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the
tides of the mind.”
–Alice Meynell

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“Walk away from it [your problems] until you get stronger.
All your troubles will be there when you get back, but you’ll
be better able to cope.”
–Lady Bird Johnson

“One thing at a time, all things in succession. That which
grows slowly endures.”
–J. G. Hubbard

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my
chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great
and noble.”
–Helen Keller

“Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due.”
–William R. Inge

Keep trying!:

“The secret of success is constancy of purpose.”
–Benjamin Disraeli

“With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all
things are attainable.”
–Sir Thomas Foxwell Buxton

“I realized early on that success was tied to not giving up.
Most people in this business gave up and went on to other
things. If you simply didn’t give up, you would outlast the
people who came in on the bus with you.”
–Harrison Ford

“One must change one’s tactics every ten years if one wishes
to maintain one’s superiority.”
–Napoleon Bonaparte

“A great obstacle to happiness is to expect too much
happiness.”
–Bernard de Fontenelle

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be
looking for it.”
–Henry David Thoreau

“Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.”
–Arnold Glasow

“Laughter is by definition healthy.”
–Doris Lessing

“If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.”
–Bette Midler

“For the happiest life, days should be rigorously planned,
nights left open to chance.”
–Mignon McLaughlin

“To behave with dignity is nothing less than to allow others
freely to be themselves.”
–Sol Chaneles

To be persuasive, keep it to a few well-chosen words:

“To say the right thing at the right time, keep still most of
the time.”
–John W. Roper

“The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from
speaking.”
–Louis Vermeil

“The older I grow, the more I listen to people who don’t say
much.”
–Germain G. Glidden

“If you want a place in the sun, you have to put up with a
few blisters.”
–Abigail Van Buren

Take responsibility when you goof:

“Mistakes fail in their mission of helping the person who
blames them on the other fellow.”
–Henry S. Haskins

“When you blame others you give up your power to change.”
–Anon.

“Fair play with others is primarily not blaming them for
anything that is wrong with us.”
–Eric Hoffer

“The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone,
but that life is not worth living without it.”
–Harvey Milk

“Every man has his own destiny; the only imperative is to
follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him.”
–Henry Miller

“A danger foreseen is half avoided.”
–Thomas Fuller

“The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the
day you stop making excuses, that’s the day you start your
move to the top.”
–O. J. Simpson

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the
year.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you want to be listened to, you should put in time
listening.”
–Marge Piercy

Don’t despair, the sun will come up:

“The weariest night, the longest day, sooner or later must
perforce come to an end.”
–Baroness Orczy

“Hold your head high, stick your chest out. You can make it.
It gets dark sometimes, but morning comes . . . .”
–Rev. Jesse Jackson

“The morning is wiser than the evening.”
–Russian proverb

“Every moment that I am centered in the future, I suffer a
temporary loss of this life.”
–Hugh Prather

Don’t hold people to too high a standard:

“When nobody around you measures up, it’s time to check your
yardstick.”
–Bill Lemly

“Because you’re not what I would have you be, I blind myself
to who, in truth, you are.”
–Madeline L’Engle

“If you expect perfection from other people, your whole life
is a series of disappointments, grumbling and complaints.
If, on the contrary, you pitch your expectations low, taking
folks as the inefficient creatures which they are, you are
frequently surprised by having them perform better than you
had hoped.”
–Bruce Barton

If taking vitamins doesn’t keep you healthy enough, try more
laughter:

“The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not
laughed.”
–Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort

“Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.”
–Arnold Glasow

“We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you
can.”
–Will Rogers

“The secret of a leader lies in the tests he has faced over
the whole course of his life and the habit of action he
develops in meeting those tests.”
–Gail Sheehy

“The truth is more important than the facts.”
–Frank Lloyd Wright

“The man who has no inner life is the slave of his
surroundings.”
–Henri Frederic Amiel

“The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of
nonessentials.”
–Lin Yutang

Marriage is a work in progress, so keep working at it:

“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it
becomes.”
–Amy Grant

“We all have a childhood dream that when there is love,
everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage
requires a lot of compromise.”
–Raquel Welch

“A sound marriage is not based on complete frankness; it is
based on a sensible reticence.”
–Morris L. Ernst

“Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves
the impossible.”
–Anon.

“We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch.”
–John F. Kennedy

“He who begins many things finishes but a few.”
–Italian proverb

Carve your own path through life:

“We only do well the things we like doing.”
–Colette

“Each bird must sing with his own throat.”
–Henrik Ibsen

“Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you
were going to die tomorrow.”
–Anon.

“Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses
to quit.”
–Napoleon Hill

“Courage is rarely reckless or foolish . . . courage usually
involves a highly realistic estimate of the odds that must be
faced.”
–Margaret Truman

“All serious daring starts from within.”
–Eudora Welty

“Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not
change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in
cemeteries.”
–Everett McKinley Dirksen

Seize the day — it’s the only one you can be sure you’ll
have:

“Seize today, and put as little trust as you can in the
morrow.”
–Horace

“When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

“Never give way to melancholy; resist it steadily, for the
habit will encroach.”
–Sydney Smith

“If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough
money so that you won’t have to work.”
–Ogden Nash

“Two can live as cheaply as one – if they both have good
jobs.”
–Laurence Peter

“Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in
rising every time we fall.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.”
–Dennis Wholey

“All problems become smaller if you don’t dodge them, but
confront them.”
–William F. Halsey

“The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool
of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but
he will make a fool of himself, too.”
–Samuel Butler

“Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great
things.”
–Denis Diderot

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at
yourself.”
–Ethel Barrymore

“You win the victory when you yield to friends.”
–Sophocles

Time is a fixed income and, as with any income, the real
problem facing most of us is how to live successfully within
our daily allotment.”
–Margaret B. Johnstone

“What we love to do , we find time to do.”
–John L. Spalding

“Patience and fortitude conquer all things.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright
exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.”
–Helen Keller

“If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can’t,
you’re right.”
–Mary Kay Ash

If you decide to go for it, do it with spirit:
“Sometimes success is due less to ability than to zeal.”
–Charles Buxton

“A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has
unlimited enthusiasm.”
–Charles M. Schwab

Sadness is not sadness…it is happiness in a black coat
Death is not death … it is life that jumped off a cliff
Tears are not tears…they are balls of laughter dipped in salt
–Paul Mcartney

“Life is not always what one wants it to be, but to make the
best of it, as it is, is the only way of being happy.”
–Jennie Jerome Churchill

“One enemy is too many; a hundred friends too few.”
–Anon.

“Sharing what you have is more important than what you have.”
–Albert M. Wells, Jr.

“Once the ‘what’ is decided, the ‘how’ always follows. We
must not make the ‘how’ an excuse for not facing and
accepting the ‘what.'”
–Pearl Buck

“There’s nothing like eavesdropping to show you that the
world outside your head is different from the world inside
your head.”
–Thornton Wilder

“No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for
a while you’ll see why.”
–Mignon McLaughlin

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that there’s only one
course for a relationship to take:

“The biggest mistake is believing that there is one right way
to listen, to talk, to have a conversation – or a
relationship.”
–Deborah Tannen

“Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her,
and one for them together.”
Jacqueline Bisset

“A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to
cash in on the experience.”
–Elbert Hubbard

“The more I want to get something done, the less I call it
work.”
–Richard Bach

To maximize your chance to be happy, keep busy:

“The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough
leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.”
George Bernard Shaw

“Happiness walks on busy feet.”
–Kitte Turmell

“To attain happiness in another world we need only to believe
something; to secure it in this world, we must do something.”
–Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Sometimes acceptance is just as important as striving and
struggle:

“Acceptance of what happened is the first step to overcoming
the consequence of any misfortune.”
–William James

“Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way
things turn out.”
–Anon.

“What we call reality is an agreement that people have
arrived at to make life more livable.”
–Louise Nevelson

“Don’t let other people tell you what you want.”
–Pat Riley

“We are what we believe we are.”
–Benjamin N. Cardozo

“You must accept that you might fail; then, if you do your
best and still don’t win, at least you can be satisfied that
you tried. If you don’t accept failure as a possibility, you
don’t set high goals, you don’t branch out, you don’t try –
you don’t take the risk.”
–Rosalynn Carter

“One never knows what each day is going to bring. The
important thing is to be open and ready for it.”
–Henry Moore

“You cannot plan the future by the past.”
–Edmund Burke

Try to find a workable balance between thought and feeling:

“All great discoveries are made by men whose feelings run
ahead of their thinking.”
–C. H. Parkhurst

“The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner
in crime.”
–Mignon McLaughlin

“Emotion has taught mankind to reason.”
–Marquis de Vauvenargues

“Life is just a series of trying to make up your mind.”
–Timothy Fuller

“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect. We
take what we get and are thankful it’s no worse than it is.”
–Margaret Mitchell

“Yesterday’s errors let yesterday cover.”–Susan Coolidge

“To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”–Bertrand Russell

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.”–Swedish proverb

Don’t become obsessed with finding happiness:

“The happy people are failures because they are on such good
terms with themselves that they don’t give a damn.”–Agatha Christie

“Happiness comes uninvited: and the moment that you are
conscious that you are happy, you are no longer happy.”–J. Krishnamurti

1.Some people complain because God put thorns on roses,while others praise Him for putting roses among thorns.
2.A person’s true character is revealed by what he does when no one is
watching.
3.Although the tongue weighs very little, very few people are able to hold it.
4. Success in a marriage is more than finding the right person. It’s
becoming the right person.
5.Falling down doesn’t make you a failure, but staying down does.
6.Don’t be afraid of pressure. Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.
7.Even a woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head.
8.The poorest of all men is not the man without a cent but the man without a dream.
9.The only preparation for tomorrow is the right use of today.
10.People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
11.Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us
there.
12.The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little “extra.”

13. The heart is the happiest when it beats for others.
14.One thing you can learn by watching the clock is that it passes time by
keeping its hands busy.

Obstacles are those frightful things u see when u take ur eyes of your goals.

“It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does
to have tried and succeeded.” –Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Pity costs nothing and ain’t worth nothing.” –Josh Billings

“More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.”
–Saint Teresa of Avila

You don’t have to get all of it right all of the time:
“The essence of man is imperfection.” –Norman Cousins

It’s great to have a sense of humor, but remember there are limits:

“If it bends, it’s funny; if it breaks, it’s not funny.” –Woody Allen

“Everything is funny as long as it’s happening to someone else.” –Will Rogers

“Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.”
–Ruth Ann Schabaker

“Greed lessens what is gathered.” –Arab proverb

“Be happy. It’s one way of being wise.” –Colette

–BEAUTIFUL WORDS TO LIVE BY

1. Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than
the mind.

2. You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by
worrying over the future.

3. Love ……and you shall be loved.

4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice
with Him.

5. All people smile in the same language.

6. A hug is a great gift..one size fits all. It can be
given for any occasion and it’s easy to exchange.

7. Everyone needs to be loved…especially when they do not

deserve it.

8. The real measure of a man’s wealth is what he has
invested in eternity.

10. Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.

11. It’s important for parents to live the same things they
teach.

12. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the
worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.

13. Happy memories never wear out…. relive them as often
as you want.

14. Home is the place where we grumble the most, but are
often treated the best.

15. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks
within.

16. The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow.

17. Take time to laugh for it is the music of the soul.

18. If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.

19. Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel.
like stripping your gears.

20. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.

21. The best thing parents can do for their children is to
love each other.

22. Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts.

23. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.

24. We take for granted the things that we should be giving
thanks for.

25. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being
diminished.

26. Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon
others.

27. You are richer today if you have laughed, given or
forgiven.

28. For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60
seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

29. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and
where you are.

30. The best gifts to give

To your friend – loyalty
To your enemy – forgiveness;
To your boss – service;
To a child – a good example;
To your parents – gratitude and devotion;
To your mate – love and faithfulness;
To ME – ur true self.

“One must lose one’s life in order to find it.”
–Anne Murrow Lindbergh

“Enthusiasm is nothing more or less than faith in action.”
–Henry Chester

“They can because they think they can.”
–Virgil

Life is tough enough without manufacturing things to worry
about:

“Real difficulties can be overcome, it is only the imaginary
ones that are unconquerable.”
–Theodore N. Vail

“If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn’t be so
anxious.”
–Mignon McLaughlin

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is
trying to please everybody.”
–Bill Cosby

“A mistake is evidence that someone tried to do something.”
–Anon.”No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness — or
so good as drink.”
–G. K. Chesterton

“People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that
sorrow knows how to swim.”
–Ann Landers

“Any man’s life will be filled with constant and unexpected
encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best
each day.”
–Booker T. Washington

“I walk firmer and more secure up hill than down.”
–Michel de Montaigne

“We cannot solve life’s problems except by solving them.”
–M. Scott Peck

Don’t even try to understand love:

“There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by
loving — by paying attention and doing what one thereby
discovers has to be done.”
–Aldous Huxley

“Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of
understanding and misunderstanding.”
–Diane Arbus

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the
question?”
–Lily Tomlin

“Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn’t
permanent.”
–Jean Kerr

“Rudeness is the weak man’s limitation of strength.”
–Eric Hoffer

“If you are sure you understand everything that is going on,
you are hopelessly confused.”
–Walter Mondale

Use your memory positively, not just for nostalgia:

“One thing you will probably remember well is anytime you
forgive and forget.”
–Franklin P. Jones

“God gave us memory that we might have roses in December.”
–James M. Barrie

“We must always have old memories and young hopes.”
–Arsene Houssaye

“No leader can be too far ahead of his followers.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”
–Darrel Royal

“Excellence costs a great deal.”
–May Sarton

Next time you start to groan at friend’s pun, ask yourself:
Am I just be jealous?:

“A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the
joke he resents.”
–G. C. Lichtenberg

To be successful in life, learn the art of prioritizing:

“One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach.”
–Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.”
–Jonathan Kozol

“First things first, second things never.”
–Shirley Conran

“Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.”
–Frank Tyger

“What we think, we become.”
–Buddha

“Choosing a goal and sticking to it changes everything.”
–Scott Reed

Be careful that money doesn’t overshadow meaning in your
life:

“Success is important only to the extent that it puts one in
a position to do more things one likes to do.”
–Sara Caldwell

“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become
a man of value.”
–Albert Einstein

“To me success means effectiveness in the world, that I am
able to carry my ideas and values into the world – that I am
ale to change it in positive ways.”
–Maxine Hong Kingston

Be realistic in assessing your ability:

“If you count all your assets you always show a profit.”
–Robert Quillen

“Analyzing what you haven’t got as well as what you have is a
necessary ingredient of a career.”
–Grace Moore

“Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second
when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.”
–Pearl S. Buck

“Life is a battle in which we fall from wounds we receive in
running away.”
–William L. Sullivan

“Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”
— Swedish proverb

Whatever you do in life, don’t get stuck:

“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change
it, change the way you think about it.”
— Mary Engelbreit

“You live longer once you realize that any time spent being
unhappy is wasted.” — Ruth E. Renkl

“Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing
ourselves to get it.” –Don Herold

“Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry
only the individual you think you can’t live without.”
–Dr. James C. Dobson

The only good way to deal with fear is head-on:

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile…
initially scared me to death.” — Betty Bender

“If a man harbors any sort of fear, it . . . makes him
landlord to a ghost.” — Lloyd Douglas

“Kill the snake of doubt in your soul, crush the worms of
fear in your heart and mountains will move out of your way.”
— Kate Seredy

“You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your
grandfather was.”
–Irish Proverb

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”
— Brendan Francis

“What do you want most to do? That’s what I have to keep
asking myself, in the face of difficulties.”
–Katherine Mansfield

Never doubt the value of doubt:

“If you don’t control your mind, someone else will.”
–John Allston

“Don’t rent space to anyone in your head.”
–Anon.

“I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.”
–Wilson Mizner

“There is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and
that is softness of head.” –Teddy Roosevelt

“Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of
bad training.” –Anna Freud

“True success is overcoming the fear of being unsuccessful.”
–Paul Sweeney

Use fear to your advantage:

“What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next
thing you need to do.” –Anon.

“I wanted to be scared again . . . I wanted to feel unsure
again. That’s the only way I learn, the only way I feel
challenged.” –Connie Chung

“Constant exposure to dangers will breed contempt for them.”
–Seneca

“The secret of happiness is this: Let your interests be as
wide as possible, and let your reactions to the things and
persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly
rather than hostile.” –Bertrand Russell

“Talent is what you possess; genius is what possesses you.”
–Malcolm Cowley

You can be rational without being too logical:

“It is slavery to live in the mind unless it has become part
of the body.”
–Kahlil Gibran

“The remarkable thing about the human mind is its range of
limitations.”
–Celia Green

“The mind can also be an erogenous zone.”
–Raquel Welch

“We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second
baby just to see it smile.”
–Grace Williams

“A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when
he describes another’s.”
–Jean Paul Richter

Philosophy is terrific, but you still have to make a living:

“Money is like a sixth sense, without which you cannot make a
complete use of the other five.”
–WS. Somerset Maughm

“The impossible is often the untried.”
–Jim Goodwin

“Silence is one of the hardest things to refute.”
–Josh Billings

“The family you come from isn’t as important as the family
you’re going to have.”
–Ring Lardner

When you travel, leave the beaten path and learn something
new:

“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the
religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home.”
–James Michener

“There is nothing mysterious about originality, nothing
fantastic. Originality is merely the step beyond.”
–Louis Danz

“It is awfully important to know what is and what is not your
business.”
–Gertrude Stein

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and
it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until
they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

Accept and believe in yourself:

“I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very
much about what I think of what I do. That is character!
–Teddy Roosevelt

“From self alone expect applause.”
–Marion L. Burton

“One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No
machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.”
–Elbert Hubbard

Don’t spread yourself thin:

“To do two things at once is to do neither.”
–Publius Syrus

“Concentrate your energies, your thoughts and your
capital…. The wise man puts all his eggs in one basket and
watches the basket.”
–Andrew Carnegie

“Each man is capable of doing one thing well. If he attempts
several, he will fail to achieve distinction in any.”
–Plato

“If you can’t accept losing, you can’t win.”
–Vince Lombardi

“Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard
think makes it impossible.”
–George C. Lorimer

“Music melts all the separate parts of our bodies together.”
–Anais Nin

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary
so that the necessary may speak.”
–Hans Hoffman

“Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come; you
have to get up and make them.”
–Madame C. J. Walker

“The key to change . . . is to let go of fear.”
–Rosanne Cash

“Production is not the application of tools to materials, but
logic to work.”
–Peter Drucker

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after
others have let go.”
–William Feather

“Success generally depends upon knowing how long it takes to
succeed.”
–Charles de Montesquieu

“He that can’t endure the bad will not live to see the good.”
–Yiddish proverb

“Wishing does not make a poor man rich.”
–Arab proverb

“Good luck is often with the man who doesn’t include it in
his plans.”
–Anon.

“The object of education is to prepare the young to educate
themselves throughout their lives.”
–Robert Maynard Hutchins

“Education is what survives when what has been learnt has
been forgotten.”
–B. F. Skinner

“Only fools and dead men don’t change their minds. Fools
won’t and dead men can’t.”
–John H. Patterson

“A day is a span of time no one is wealthy enough to waste.”
–Anon.

“Necessity is the mother of taking chances.”
–Mark Twain.

Don’t just think, act!:

“One’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to
be distilled into action . . . which bring results.”
–Florence Nightingale

“If you can talk brilliantly about a problem, it can create
the consoling illusion that it has been mastered.”
–Stanley Kubrick

“We have too many sounding words and too few actions that
correspond with them.”
–Abigail Adams

“The time is always right to do what is right.”
–Martin Luther King, Jr.

“To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of
becoming, is the only end of life.”
–Robert Louis Stevenson

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of
their dreams.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

“You can only predict things after they have happened.”
–Eugene Ionesco

Never mind tomorrow, TODAY is the day:

“We create our fate every day we live.”
–Henry Miller

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the
year.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to
cope with it.”
–Anon.

“Changes are not predictable; but to deny them is to be an
accomplice to one’s own unnecessary vegetation.”
–Gail Sheehy

“There are two kinds of talent, man-made talent and God-given
talent. With man-made talent you have to work very hard.
With God-given talent, you just touch it up once in a while.”
–Pearl Bailey

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or
strange that self may prove to be.”
–May Sarton

“If you wait for inspiration you’ll be standing on the corner
after the parade is a mile down the street.”
–Ben Nicholas

To get on in life, face forward:

“Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not a
sum of what we have been but what we yearn to be.”
–Jose Ortega y Gassett

“The past always looks better than it was. It’s only pleasant
because it isn’t here.”
–Finley Peter Dunne

“We are tomorrow’s past.”
–Mary Webb

“To remain young one must change.”
–Alexander Chase

“The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.”
–Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Nice guys finish last.”
–Leo Durocher

“Without victory there is no survival!”
–Winston Churchill

“If we cannot do what we will, we must will what we can.”
–Yiddish proverb

At work, especially, be discrete:

“Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth, keep the door of my
lips.”
–Bible (Psalms, 141:3)

“It does not always pay to have a golden tongue unless one
has the ability to hold it.”
–Paul Johnson

“Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.”
–Knute Rockne

“The world belongs to the enthusiast who keeps cool.”
–William McFee

“There are three ingredients in the good life: learning,
earning and yearning.”
–Christopher Morely

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has
many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have
some.”
–Charles Dickens

“Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak
ones.”
–Charles Caleb Colton

“No one person can possibly combine all the elements supposed
to make up what everyone means by friendship.”
–Francis Marion Crawford

Vary your friendships:

“I cannot concentrate all my friendship on any single one of
my friends because no one is complete enough in himself.”
–Anais Nin

“Fortify yourself with a flock of friends! You can select
them at random, write to one, dine with one, visit one, or
take your problems to one. There is always at least one who
will understand, inspire, and give you the lift you may need
at the time.”
–George Matthew Adams

“If you’re smart, you’ll be humble. There always is somebody
who hasn’t read a book and knows twice as much as you do.”
–David Duchonvy

“The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for
help when he needs it.”
–Rona Barrett

If you find yourself in a heated argument, make sure it’s
about something more than hot air:

“The most savage controversies are about matters as to which
there is no good evidence either way.”
–Bertrand Russell

“How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single
paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms.”
–Aristotle

“There’s only one thing worse than the man who will argue
over anything, and that’s the man who will argue over
nothing.”
–Laurence Peter

We talk on principle, but we act on interest.”
–Walter Savage Landor

If you’re feeling down, try throwing yourself into your work:

“Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat.”
–Ann Landers

“If you’re looking for perfection, look in the mirror. If you
find it there, expect it elsewhere.”
–Malcolm Forbes

“Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I’ll show
you someone who has never achieved much.”
–Joan Collins

“Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head, and
knows not that it brings abundance to drive away hunger.”
–St. Basil

“The block of granite, which was an obstacle in the path of
the weak, becomes a stepping stone in the path of the
strong.”
–Thomas Carlyle

“. . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and
bad advice, you don’t need advice.”
–Laurence J. Peter

“If someone gives you so-called good advice, do the opposite;
you can be sure it will be the right thing nine out of ten
times.”
–Anselm Feuerbach

“Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for
their inability to set a bad example.”
–Duc de La Rochefoucald

“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it
foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.”
–E. H. Chapin

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if
you just sit there.”
–Will Rogers

“As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of
time.”
–John Mason

Don’t let your limitations overshadow your talents:

“Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our
powers.”
–Mignon McLaughlin

Avoid compulsively making things worse:

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
–Anon.

“When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary
not to make a decision.”
–Lord Falkland

“Better is the enemy of good.”
–Anon.

“There is a time for departure even when there’s no certain
place to go.”
–Tennessee Williams

“The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before
he decides, never decides.”
–Henri Fredric Amiel

“The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not
bitter.”
–Anon.

“Change is the watchword of progression.”
–Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding
ring, and suffering!

“The trouble with many married people is that they are trying
to get more out of marriage than there is in it.”
–Elbert Hubbard

“This life is not for complaint, but for satisfaction.”
–Henry David Thoreau

“Think ahead….It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.”
–Howard Ruff

“If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can’t,
you’re right.”
–Mary Kay Ash

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”
–Rita Mae Brown

“It isn’t our position, but our disposition, that makes us
happy.”
–Anon.

“The course of life is unpredictable . . . no one can write
his autobiography in advance.”
–Abraham Joshua Heschel

“Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner
like a pauper.”
–Adelle Davis

“People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise.”
–W. Somerset Maughm

“Vanity is so secure in the heart of man that everyone wants
to be admired: even I who write this, and you who read this.”
–Blaise Pascal

“You can flatter any man by telling him he’s the kind of man
who can’t be flattered.”
–Laurence J. Peter

“In the game of life, nothing is less important than the
score at half time.”
–Anon.

“Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.”
–Elsa Maxwell

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to
overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”
–William James

Learn from how people in the arts react to criticism:
“Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever
been put up to a critic.”
–Jean Sibelius

“A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle,
yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded.”
–Tyne Daly

“The stones that Critics hurl with Harsh Intent / A Man may
use to build a Monument.”
–Arthur Guiterman

“Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.”
–Plato (427-347 B.C.)

“Trouble is a sieve through which we sift our acquaintances. Those too big to pass through are our friends.”
–Arlene Francis

“My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.”
–Woody Allen

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” –Dorothy Nevill

“I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.”
–Golda Meir

“If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it.” –Anon.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” –Leonardo da Vinci

“The trouble about man is twofold. He cannot learn truths which are too complicated; he forgets truths which are too simple.” –Rebecca West

One of the remarkable things about life is that it’s never so bad that
it can’t get worse.

“Our entire life–consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are.”
–Jean Anouilh

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind.”
–William James

“A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.”
–Edgar Watson Howe

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one.” –Elbert Hubbard

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”
–John F. Kennedy

Try to be honest about yourself:

‘Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep.” –Dr. Samuel Johnson

“‘I have done that,’ says my memory. ‘I cannot have done that’ – says my pride, and remains adamant. At last – memory yields.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

“Up to a certain point every man is what he thinks he is.”
–F. H. Bradley

“If it is to be, it’s up to me.” –Anon

“There are only two stimulants to one’s best efforts: the fear of punishment, and the hope of reward.” –John M. Wilson

The number of people watching you is directly proportional
to the stupidity of your action.

How long a minute is depends on
what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

“More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin.”
–Anon.

“It’s weak and despicable to go on wanting things and not trying to get them.” –Joanna Field

“Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.” –Irving Berlin

“Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.” –Stan Smith

“The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.” –Chinese proverb

“Change occurs when one becomes what she is, not when she tries to become what she is not.”
–Ruth P. Freedman

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them but I wouldn’t want to own one.”
–W.C.Fields

Never born, never died, only visited this planet earth between Dec.11, 1930 and Jan 19, 1990
–Epitah of Osho (Bagwan Rajneesh)

“make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes.” –Sara Teasdale

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” –Abraham Lincoln

“To disbelieve is easy; to scoff is simple; to have faith is harder.” –Louis L’Amour

“Class is… the sure-footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life.” –Ann Landers

“Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor.” –James Baldwin

“Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun.” –Don Marquis

“The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.”
–H. G. Wells

“Living is a constant process of deciding what we are going to do.” –Jose Ortega y Gasset

“Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.”
–Vince Lombardi

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
– Abraham Lincoln

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
–Anais Nin

“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.”
–Henry Ward Beecher

“You have reached the pinnacle of success as soon as you become uninterested in money, compliments or publicity.”
–Dr. O. A. Battista

Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance; depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance.
— Andrew Solomon

“If you want to keep something concealed from your enemy, don’t disclose it to your friend.”
–Solomon Ibn Gabirol

“Nobody will keep the thing he hears to himself, and nobody will repeat just what he hears and no more.”
–Seneca

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

“Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp – or what’s a heaven for?” –Robert Browning

“Years wrinkle the face, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” –Watterson Lowe

“Anyone who limits his vision to memories of yesterday is already dead.” –Lilly Langtry

“We all find time to do what we really want to do.”
–William Feather

“If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.”
–Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Whatever you are trying to avoid won’t go away until you confront it.” –Anon.

“Nobody ever died of laughter.”
–Max Beerbohm

“The only problems money can solve are money problems.”
–Laurence Peter

“Money costs too much.”
–Ross McDonald

“Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.”
–Christopher Morely

“The closer one gets to the top, the more one finds there is no ‘top.'” –Nancy Barcus

“Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who holds a low opinion of himself.” –Anthony Trollope

“A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn’t feel like it.” –Alistair Cooke

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” –Bill Cosby

” Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.”
– Washington Irving (1783-1859)

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. ”
– Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

“Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we believe we call theories.”
–Felix Cohen

“Nothing is so firmly believed as that which is least known.”
–Michel de Montaigne

“We are inclined to believe those we do not know, because they have never deceived us.”
–Samuel Johnson

An Enormous Amount Of Quotes About Life From Many People

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief
duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”
–Helen Keller
——————————————
“It is amazing how much people can get done if they do not worry
about who gets the credit.”
–Sandra Swinney
——————————————
“I don’t know anything about luck. I’ve never banked on it, and
I’m afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: hard
work and realizing what it opportunity and what isn’t.”
–Lucille Ball
——————————————
“My parents always told me that people will never know how long
it takes you to do something. They will only know how well it is
done.”
–Nancy Hanks
——————————————
“While I was in Ann Arbor I heard that Boston was a good place to
play acoustic music because they still had plenty of clubs. So I
moved to Cambridge. I roomed with a Harvard student. I got an
apartment the first day I got to town by going to Harvard
housing, so I could get cheaper rates, $80 a month or something.
I even went to some Harvard classes, just to sit in, because I
enjoyed the performance of the professors. The teachers were
always so theatrical at Harvard, intelligent show business
people, that could keep your attention, and that I think, is the
great advantage of Harvard. So I used to go for the show, no
matter what subject it was. You could just drop in to a class
and watch, it wouldn’t matter if you went to the school. No one
even asked. The show was good and you would learn something, but
you wouldn’t get any credit for it. I didn’t need the credit.”
(Negative Theatre 87)
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“He who angers you enslaves you.”
——————————————
“In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life: it
goes on.”
–Robert Frost
——————————————
“Shame is the lie someone told you about yourself.”
–Ana虐 Nin
——————————————
“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did,
but she did it backwards and in high heels.”
–Faith Whittlesey
——————————————
“Your real duty is to save your dream.”
–Mogdiliani
——————————————
“If there is no wind, row.”
——————————————
“One good deed dying tongueless slaughters a thousand waiting
upon that.”
–William Shakespeare
——————————————
“There is danger in reckless change; but greater danger in blind
conservatism.”
–Henry George
——————————————
“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or
how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The
artist never entirely known. We guess. We may be wrong, but we
take leap after leap in the dark.”
–Agnes de Mille
——————————————
“The known is finite, the unknown infinite; intellectually we
stand on an islet in the midst of an illimitable ocean of
inexplicability. Our business in every generation is to reclaim
a little more land.”
–T. H. Huxley
——————————————
“The fact that someone says something doesn’t mean it’s true.
Doesn’t mean they’re lying, but it doesn’t mean it’s true.”
–Carl Sagan
——————————————
“I shall live badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if
I do not live.”
–Francoise Sagan
——————————————
“I tell you: one must have chaos in one to give birth to a
dancing star. I tell you: you still have chaos in you.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
——————————————
“Often the real test of courage is not to die, but to live.”
–Vittorio Alfieri
——————————————
“The right to express our thoughts means something only if we are
able to have thoughts of our own.”
–Erich Fromm
——————————————
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
–Socrates
——————————————
“He loved to ask his mother questions. It was the pleasantest
thing for him to ask a question and then to hear what answer his
mother would give. Bambi was never surprised that question after
question should come into his mind continually and without
effort. He found it perfectly natural, and it delighted him very
much. It was very delightful too, to wait expectantly till the
answer came. If it turned out the way he wanted, he was
satisfied. Sometimes, of course, he did not understand, but that
was pleasant also because he was kept busy picturing what he had
not understood, in his own way. Sometimes he felt very sure that
his mother was not giving him a complete answer, was
intentionally not telling him all she knew. And, at first, that
was very pleasant, too. For then there would remain in him such
a lively curiosity, such suspicion, mysteriously and joyously
flashing through him, such anticipation, that he would become
anxious and happy at the same time, and grow silent.” (Bambi 20-
21)
–Felix Salten
——————————————
“There are no words that can be spoken to shatter the darkness.
What is left is silence, and the dawn must creep at its own pace
as we wait. There are no words for how we feel. The silence of
the night is the only thing that captures it, and dawn the only
thing to set it free. So we wait…”
–Karla Jameson
——————————————
“When he drank his coffee, that was all he did. If his com
chimed or there was a caller at the door, he ignored it. He
didn’t read the newsfax, nor even listen to any of his favourite
music. His one cup deserved, and got, his full attention. He’d
once heard a story about a monastery on the top of some mountain
in Japan or somewhere. After a long trek in the cold to get
there, the monks would offer to sell you a cup of coffee. You
had a choice: There was a two-dollar cup — or a two-hundred-
dollar cup. When pressed to explain the difference, the monks
were reported to say, ‘A hundred and ninety-eight dollars.'” (The
Digital Effect 21-22)
–Steve Perry
——————————————
“A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our
worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of
serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the
change.”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“People are where they are because that’s exactly where they
really want to be…whether they’ll admit that or not.”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule
our lives from within.”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“Your world is a living expression of how you are using and have
used your mind.”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“Am I motivated by what I really want out of life – or am I mass-
motivated?”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press
on to your destination.”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or
ideal.”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with
repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.”
–Earl Nightengale
——————————————
“Other times I think about them, though — all this October I
have done so, it seems, because October is the time when men
think mostly about far places and the roads which might get them
there. I sit on the bench in front of Bell’s Market and think
about Homer Buckland and about the beautiful girl who leaned over
to open his door when he come down that path with the full red
gasoline can in his right hand — she looked like a girl of no
more than sixteen, a girl on her learner’s permit, and her beauty
was terrible, but I believe it would no longer kill the man it
turned itself on; for a moment her eyes lit on me, I was not
killed, although part of me died at her feet.” (Mrs. Todd’s)
–Stephen King
——————————————
“It means that no blue ribbon is forever. Someday — if the
world doesn’t explode itself in the meantime — someone will run
a two-minute mile in the Olympics. It make take a hundred years
or a thousand, but it will happen. Because there is no ultimate
blue ribbon. There is zero, and there is eternity, and there is
mortality, but there is no ultimate.” (Mrs. Todd’s Shortcut)
–Stephen King
——————————————
“The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at
hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have
applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.”
–Vince Lombardi
——————————————
“What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists
and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind
in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined
not to quit until he finds it.”
–Alexander Graham Bell
——————————————
“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach
down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce
of power it takes to win when the match is even.”
–Muhammad Ali
——————————————
“This environment [New York] is heaven. I love walking down the
street and seeing faces and drama and happiness and sadness and
dirt and cleanliness. I could never be a country person, sitting
around trees trying to write a song. I would rather be in the
middle of society, whether it’s growing or crumbling.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“If a life could have a theme song — and I believe every
worthwhile one has — mine is a religion, an obsession, a mania
or all of these expressed in one word — individualism. I was
born with that obsession, and I’ve never seen and do not know now
a cause more worthy, more misunderstood, more seemingly hopeless
and tragically needed.”
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ until you can find
a rock.”
–Will Rogers
——————————————
“Congress, our leaders, voted against a proposal to have a
national seven day waiting period to buy a gun. I don’t want to
sound like a Quaker, but when you think about it, is a week a
long time to wait? To see if a former mental patient is
qualified to own an Uzi? Con one, will ya Congress? It takes
three weeks to get a phone!”
–Jimmy Tingle
——————————————
“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking
they hit a triple.”
–Barry Switzer
——————————————
“I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I
was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of
myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather
underprivileged.) Then they told me that underprivileged was
overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But
I have a great vocabulary.”
–Jules Feiffer
——————————————
“Faith is a cop-out. It is intellectual bankruptcy. If the only
way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are
conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits.”
–Dan Barker
——————————————
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.”
–Derek Bok
——————————————
“A man’s ethical behaviour should be based effectually on
sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is
necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be
restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.”
–Albert Einstein
——————————————
“Every time you meet a situation, though you think at the moment
it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the
damned, once you have met it and lived through it you find that
forever after you are freer than you were before.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt
——————————————
“I think life is really hard sometimes. It’s not easy to wake up
every day and go through what you go through. But the beautiful
moments that you share with people that you love, or even
experience alone, are worth all of the pain and sorrow. Those
moments should be cherished, and I think that’s what music is all
about-to remind people of the beautiful moments that are in
everybody’s life.”
–Charlie Haden
——————————————
“Some people would say my paintings show a future world and maybe
they do, but I paint from reality. I put several things and
ideas together, and perhaps, when I have finished, it could show
the future. If people want to interpret my work as warnings
about too much overpopulation, disease and mechanization in the
future, then that is up to them. I like to combine human beings,
creatures and biomechanics. And I love to work with bones —
they are elemental and function and, after all, are part of human
beings. I have many bones in my home in Zurich, and I study them
and use them as models. Some people say my work is often
depressing and pessimistic, with the emphasis on death, blood,
overcrowding, strange beings and so on, but I don’t really think
it is. There is hope and a kind of beauty in there somewhere, if
you look for it.”
–H. R. Giger
——————————————
“It was all very well to say, ‘Drink me,’ but the wise little
Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. ‘No, I’ll look
first,’ she said, ‘and see whether it’s marked ‘Poison’ or not.’
For she had read several nice little stories about children who
had got burnt and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant
things, all because they would not remember the simple rules
their friends had taught them: that a red-hot poker will burn
you if you hold it too long, and that if you cut your finger very
deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds. And she had never
forgotten that if you drink too much from a bottle marked
‘Poison,’ it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or
later.” (Alice in Wonderland 13-14)
–Lewis Carrol
——————————————
“One of the expressions of Western over-reliance on technology
can be seen in the lack of patience in industrial society. When
you deal with technology, everything happens at the touch of a
button. This conditions you to become so impatient that when you
have an emotional or personal crisis, you don’t allow time for
the solution to take effect. This leads to all sorts of rash
responses, like quarrels, fights and so on.”
–the Dali Lama (Lhamo Dhondrub)
——————————————
“I agree that the fear of American cultural imperialism is shared
by many people, and I agree with your point about the invasive
nature of television culture. But I wouldn’t draw the next
inference: that this is negative and therefore it must be
stopped. I feel that one should address this influence in a way
that takes away the negative edge through a positive counter-
response. This way, you reinforce and reaffirm your conviction
in the inner values. You harness those beliefs and develop them
with a greater degree of self-awareness. That’s the kind of
response people should have, instead of rejecting technology.”
–the Dali Lama (Lhamo Dhondrub)
——————————————
“In contemporary American public culture, the legacy of the
consumer revolution of the 1960s is unmistakable. Today, there
are few things more beloved of our masses than the figure of the
cultural rebel, the defiant individualist resisting the mandates
of the machine civilization. Whether he is an athlete decked out
in a mowhawk and multiple-pierced ears, a policeman who plays by
his own rules, an actor on a motorcycle, a soldier of fortune
with explosive bow and arrow, or a rock star in leather jacket
and sunglasses, the rebel has become the paramount clich� of our
popular entertainment, and the pre-eminent symbol of the system
he is supposed to be subverting. In advertising especially, he
rules supreme.” (The Conquest of Cool)
–Thomas Frank
——————————————
“An invasion of armies can be resisted. But not an idea whose
time has come.”
–Victor Hugo
——————————————
“Sometimes it seems like we’re all living in some kind of prison,
and the crime is how much we all hate ourselves. It’s good to
get really dressed up once in a while and admit the truth — that
when you really look closely, people are so strange and so
complicated that they’re actually beautiful. Possibly even me.”
–from My So-Called Life
——————————————
“I just want them to feel inspired to live on the planet and not
get discouraged with life, and make sure that they pursue what
they feel they ought to. If they want to collect stamps, make
sure they collect stamps 100 percent of the time for 25 years. I
think the most important thing is to try to find work or
something that you love, but it’s also probably the hardest
thing. Life in general is more generic and less artistic. It’s
a hard thing to pull your mind away from the shit and feel
positive about where things are going. It depends on how much TV
news you watch.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“I believe that words can help us move or keep us paralysed, and
that our choices of language and verbal tone have something — a
great deal — to do with how we live our lives and whom we end up
speaking with and hearing; and that we can deflect words by
trivialization, of course, but also by ritualized respect, or we
can let them enter our souls and mix with the juices of our
minds.” (Toward a More Feminist Criticism)
–Adrienne Rich
——————————————
“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation… With you!
You’ve probably never read a book in your life that wasn’t
written by John Grisham. You don’t get it. People like you are
so content to write-off English. English just isn’t about
analysing stories — if it was, I wouldn’t be like this.
Stories, novels, whatever… reflect something about the
writer… and the culture… and the society that it came from.
It’s a mirror — a mirror to ourselves. And when we do it right,
when we just get it, we know something about ourselves. English
is an understanding of the self. If we can see ourselves
clearly, we know the right decision to make. And if you don’t
know who you are and make the wrong choices, what good is it if
you can make two-hundred and fifty thousand?” (The Open Door)
–Tyler Powell
——————————————
“Let me tell you something. We’re all guilty of something.
Cruelty or greed or going sixty-five in a fifty-five mile per
hour zone. But you know what? You want to think of yourself as
the fair haired choir boy, you go ahead. … I’m saying you’ve
got a darkness inside of you. You’ve got to know the darker,
uglier sides of yourself. You’ve got to recognize them so
they’re not constantly sneaking up on you. You’ve got to love
them because they’re a part of you, because along with your
virtues, they make you who you are. Virtue isn’t virtue unless
it slams up against vice so, consequently, your virtue is not
real virtue until it’s been tested… and tempted.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys
to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks,
our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly
who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re
pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No
matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re
safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our
deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two
balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve
found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life
come to life.” (Bridge 265)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“What was the question? … Oh. Where do I get my crazy ideas?
Answer: sleep-fairy, walk-fairy, shower-fairy. Book-fairy. And
in these last few years, from my wife. Now when I have questions
I ask her and she tells me the answer. If you haven’t already,
I’d suggest you want to find your soulmate, soon as you can.
Next question?” (Bridge 264)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“She didn’t mean to be sexy that moment, but even a winter
nightgown couldn’t hide that lovely outline. When will I outgrow
my simple-minded fascination with the form she had happened to
choose for her body? Never, I thought.” (Bridge 249)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“What a story that would make! How many men and women go through
the same rivers, menaced by the same sharp clichT, the same
jagged dangers that have threatened us! If the idea stands up, I
thought, it would be worth uncovering the typewriter! How
Richard-years-ago would have wanted to know: What happens when
we set off searching for a soulmate who doesn’t exist, and find
her?” (Bridge 209)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“We’re different, we’re the same. You thought you’d never find a
word to say to a woman who didn’t fly airplanes. I couldn’t
imagine myself spending time with a man who didn’t love music.
Could it be it’s not as important to be alike as it is to be
curious? Because we’re different, we can have the fun of
exchanging worlds, giving our loves and excitements to each
other. You can learn music, I can learn flying. And that’s only
the beginning. I think it would go on for us as long as we
live.” (Bridge 169)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“If we change in different directions, then we don’t have any
future anyway, do we? I think it’s possible for two people to
change together, to grow together and enrich instead of diminish
each other. The sum of one and one, if they’re the right ones,
can be infinity! But so often one person drags the other down;
one person wants to go up like a balloon and the other’s a dead
weight. I’ve always wondered what it would be like if both
people, if a woman and a man both wanted to go up like balloons!”
(Bridge 168)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“That’s what learning is, after all: not whether we lose the
game, but how we lose and how we’ve changed because of it and
what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to
other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.” (Bridge 91)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“Here’s how the people live here, in big house-shaped boxes to
keep off ‘rain’ and ‘snow,’ holes cut in the sides so they can
see out. They move around in smaller boxes, painted different
colours, with wheels on the corners. They need this box-culture
because each person thinks of herself and himself as locked in a
box called a ‘body,’ arms and legs, fingers to move pencils and
tools, languages because they’ve forgotten how to communicate,
eyes because they’ve forgotten how to see. Odd little planet.
Wish you were here. Home soon.” (Bridge 85-6)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“Two things I do value a lot, intimacy and the capacity for joy,
didn’t seem to be on anyone else’s list. I felt like the
stranger in a strange land, and decided I’d better not marry the
natives.” (Bridge 76)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“Other people think they know what you are: glamour, sex, money,
power, love. It may be a press agent dream which has nothing to
do with you, maybe it’s something you don’t even like, but that’s
what they think you are. People rush at you from all sides, they
think they’re going to get these things if they touch you. It’s
scary, so you build walls around yourself, thick glass walls
while you’re trying to think, trying to catch your breath. You
know who you are inside, but people outside see something
different. You can choose to become the image, and let go of who
you are, or continue as you are and feel phony when you play the
image.” (Bridge 72)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no
matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we
need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach
the places we’ve chosen to go.” (Bridge 56)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“Part of us is always the observer, and no matter what, it
observes. It watches us. It does not care if we are happy or
unhappy, if we are sick or well, if we live or die. Its only job
is to sit there on our shoulder and pass judgment on whether we
are worthwhile human beings.” (The Bridge Across Forever 43)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“We fear passion and laugh at too much love and those who love
too much. And still we long to feel.”
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“By the time the average person finishes college he or she will
have taken over 2,600 tests, quizzes and exams. The ‘right
answer’ approach becomes deeply ingrained in our thinking. This
may be fine for some mathematical problems, where there is in
fact only one right answer. The difficulty is that most of life
isn’t that way. Life is ambiguous; there are many right answers –
all depending on what you are looking for. But if you think
there is only one right answer, then you’ll stop looking as soon
as you find one.”
–Roger von Oech
——————————————
“You say I have no power? Perhaps you speak truly… but you say
that dreams have no power here? Tell me, Lucifer Morningstar…
ask yourselves, all of you… what power would hell have if those
here imprisoned were not able to dream of heaven?”
–Neil Gaiman
——————————————
“A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.”
–Ralph Waldo Emmerson
——————————————
“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby
become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the
abyss gazes also into you.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
——————————————
“If we keep doing what we’re doing, we’re going to keep getting
what we’re getting.”
–Stephen Covey
——————————————
“It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.”
–Sally Kempton
——————————————
“We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become
one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of
thought.”
–Bertrand Russell
——————————————
“Happiness is not in our circumstance but in ourselves. It is
not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a
fire. Happiness is something we are.”
–John B. Sheerin
——————————————
“The self is not something that one finds, it is something that
one creates.”
–Thomas Szasz
——————————————
“It’s better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to
agonize at length and be right too late.”
–Marilyn Moats Kennedy
——————————————
“You’ll never know if you can win until you know you’ve tried
your best… and then it doesn’t matter if you’ve won or not
because you will have improved, and that is winning for
yourself.”
–Carolyn Meroniuk
——————————————
“There are threads that help you find your way back, and there
are threads that intend to bring you back. Mind turns to pull,
it’s hard to pull away. I’m always thinking of going back. When
Lot’s wife looked over her shoulder, she turned into a pillar of
salt. Pillars hold things up, and salt keeps things clean, but
it’s a poor exchange for losing your self. People do go back,
but they don’t survive, because two realities are claiming them
at the same time. Such things are too much. You can salt your
heart, or kill your heart, or you can choose between the two
realities. There is much pain here. Some people think you can
have your cake and eat it. The cake goes mouldy and they choke
on what’s left. Going back after a long time will make you mad,
because the people you left behind do not like to think of you
changed, will treat you as they always did, accuse you of being
indifferent, when you are only different.”
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“Of course that is not the whole story, but that is the way with
stories; we make them what we will. It’s a way of explaining the
universe while leaving the universe unexplained, it’s a way of
keeping it all alive, not boxing it into time. Everyone who
tells a story tells it differently, just to remind us that
everybody sees it differently. Some people say there are true
things to be found, some people say all kinds of things can be
proved. I don’t believe them. The only thing for certain is how
complicated it all is, like string full of knots. It’s all there
but hard to find the beginning and impossible to fathom the end.
The best you can do is admire the cat’s cradle, and maybe knot it
up a bit more. History should be a hammock for swinging and a
game for playing, the way cats play. Claw it, chew it, rearrange
it and at bedtime it’s still a ball of string full of knots.
Nobody should mind. Some people make a lot of money out of it.
Publishers do well, people make a lot of money out of it.
Publishers do well, children, when bright, can come top. It’s an
all-purpose rainy day pursuit, this reducing of stories called
history.”
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“Since I was born I had assumed that the world ran on very simple
lines, like a larger version of our church. Now I was finding
that even the church was sometimes confused. This was a problem.
But not one I chose to deal with for many years more. The
problem there and then was what was going to happen to me. The
Victoria Hospital was big and frightening, and I couldn’t even
sing to any effect because I couldn’t hear what I was singing.
There was nothing to read except some dental notices and an
instruction leaflet for the X-ray machine. I tried to build an
igloo out of the orange peel but it kept falling down and even
when I stood up I didn’t have an Eskimo to put in it, so I had to
invent a story about ‘How Eskimo Got Eaten’, which made me even
more miserable. It’s always the same with diversions; you get
involved.”
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth
which men prefer not to hear.”
–Herbert Sebastian Agar
——————————————
“I don’t know because I don’t think about it much in those terms.
I don’t think about what is the greatest thing that ever happened
to me. It seems to me that things don’t last long anyway. Your
high points and your low points. High points don’t last that
long, it’s a high and it happens. It’s great at the moment but
you really can’t live on it. There’s gotta be something higher –
– and lower. But I have all kinds of ups and downs, highs and
lows, I’m always chasing them.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“There’s only one opinion that counts. It’s your opinion. It
may be wrong, but it’s yours and that’s the one that counts.”
–Filipe Alou
——————————————
“The best thing you can do for a song is to hear it on the radio
and to imagine what it could mean to you and then kinda forget
the words. Just imagine how you felt when you heard it, if it
was one of your songs. If it became one of your songs. If it
meant whatever it meant for you and as soon as you see the
visual, you get a rapid eye movement relationship with the song
instead of an imaginative one. I think that can be dangerous
because I don’t think I’d want to be listening to a song on the
radio and thinking about the video. Whatever that one
interpretation was.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“Good and evil are not what our parents told us, not what our
church tells us, or our country, not what anybody else tells us!
All of us decide good and evil for ourselves, automatically, by
choosing what we want to do!” (Running)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“If we must lose wife or husband when we live to our highest
right, we lose an unhappy marriage as well, and we gain
ourselves. But if a marriage is born between two already self-
discovered, what a lovely adventure begins, hurricanes and all!”
(Running)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“Life does not require us to be consistent, cruel, patient,
helpful, angry, rational, thoughtless, loving, rash, open-minded,
neurotic, careful, rigid, tolerant, wasteful, rich, downtrodden,
gentle, sick, considerate, funny, stupid, healthy, greedy,
beautiful, lazy, responsive, foolish, sharing, pressured,
intimate, hedonistic, industrious, manipulative, insightful,
capricious, wise, selfish, kind or sacrificed. Life does,
however, require us to live with the consequences of our
choices.” (Running)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“For a moment, off balance, was I annoyed? Anger is always fear,
I thought, and fear is always fear of loss. Would I lose myself
if he made those choices? It took a second to settle down: I’d
lose nothing. They’d be his wishes, not mine, and he’s free to
live as he wants. The loss would come if I dared force him,
tried to live for him and me as well. There’d be disaster worse
than life on a bar stool.” (Running from Safety)
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“Love, they say, enslaves and passion is a demon and many have
been lost for love. I know this is true, but I know too that
without love we grope the tunnels of our lives and never see the
sun. When I fell in love it was as though I looked into a mirror
for the first time and saw myself. I lifted my hand in
wonderment and felt my cheeks, my neck. This was me. And when I
had looked at myself and grown accustomed to who I was, I was not
afraid to hate parts of me because I wanted to be worthy of the
mirror bearer.” (Passion)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“When I dream of a future in her arms no dark days appear, not
even a head cold, and though I know it’s nonsense I really
believe we would always be happy and that our children would
change the world.” (Passion)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“I was happy but happy is an adult world. You don’t have to ask
a child about happy, you see it. They are or they are not.
Adults talk about being happy because largely they are not.,
Talking about it is the same as trying to catch the wind. Much
easier to let it blow all over you. This is where I disagree
with the philosophers. They talk about passionate things but
there is no passion in them. Never talk happiness with a
philosopher.” (The Passion)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“They discovered that even in the face of pain that seems
unbearable, even in the face of pain that wrings the last drop
of blood out of your heart and leaves its scrimshaw tracery on
the inside of your skull, life goes on. And pain grows dull, and
begins to fade.” (Lost Souls)
–Poppy Z. Brite
——————————————
“I can’t heal your pain but I can see it. And you don’t have to
be lost. Not forever.” (Lost Souls)
–Poppy Z. Brite
——————————————
“It is the colour of light, the shape of sound, high in the
evergreens.
It lies suspended in hills, a blue line in a red sky.
I am looking at sound.

I am hearing the brightness of high bluffs and almond trees.
I am tasting the wilderness of lakes, rivers and streams,
caught in an angle of sound.

I am remembering water that glows in the dawn,
the motion tumbled in earth,
life hidden in mounds.

I am dancing in a bright beam of light…
I am remembering love.”
–from Love Jones
——————————————
“Nobody stays here by faking reality in any manner whatever.”
(Atlas 735)

–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“The opening and middle game are vital but a player up two pieces
might have a heart attack and have to forfeit. The end game is
what counts.”
–Pablo Pedro Gomez
——————————————
“The music of [his] Fifth Concerto streamed from his keyboard,
past the glass of the window, and spread through the air, over
the lights of the valley. It was a symphony of triumph. The
notes flowed up, they spoke of rising and they were the rising
itself, they were the essence and the form of upward motion, they
seemed to embody every human act and thought that had ascent as
its motive. It was a sunburst of sound, breaking out of hiding
and spreading open. It had the freedom of release and the
tension of purpose. It swept space clean and left nothing buy
the joy of an unobstructed effort. Only a faint echo within the
sounds spoke of that from which the music had escaped, bu spoke
in laughing astonishment at the discovery that there was no
ugliness or pain, and there never had had to be. It was the song
of an immense deliverance.” (Atlas 1072)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Traditions exist so we can go beyond them.”
–Greg Hawkes
——————————————
“The most important thing to a lot of people, is to belong to
something that’s hip or whatever. To be a part of something
that’s not society, just a clique. And they get real sidetracked
trying to think like everyone else. They don’t realize that you
have to motivate yourself to do things you want to do. Some
people just like going along for the ride. And those are the
kind of people I don’t get along with too well.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“Once they’re on paper, they’re gone. I like to do as much with
the words, as far as image goes, so that it’s really left open
for a lot of things, even though I remember a specific impression
of something I had at the time. I can’t say a song is about this
or that; in fact, I wouldn’t even want to. I just prefer to have
people live it anyway they want. Because it’s theirs after that.
There’s nothing I can do about it anymore.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“To be under pressure is inescapable. Pressure takes place
through all the world; war, siege, the worries of state. We all
know men who grumble under these pressures and complain. They
are cowards. They lack splendour. But there is another sort of
man who is under the same pressure but does not complain, for it
is the friction which polishes him. It is the pressure which
refines and makes him noble.”
–St. Augustine
——————————————
“It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how
the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have
done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in
the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat; who strives
valiantly; who errs and may fail again, because there is no
effort without error or shortcoming, but who does actually strive
to do the deeds; who does know the great enthusiasm, the great
devotion; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best,
knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at
worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that
his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know
neither victory nor defeat.”
–Theodore Roosevelt
——————————————
“Through music I either tame my demons or unleash them and allow
them to be what they are. I don’t want the music to be about
provocation, I want the music to bring you to a place where you
feel at home.”
–Michael Franti
——————————————
“You can’t think of risks. I have nothing to lose. You either
make something that you like, or you don’t, and you throw it to
the universe.”
–Mike Myers
——————————————
“Literature is my Utopia. Here I am not disenfranchised. No
barrier of the senses shuts me out from the sweet, gracious
discourses of my book friends. They talk to me without
embarrassment or awkwardness.”
–Helen Keller
——————————————
“Not the senses I have but what I do with them is my kingdom.”
–Helen Keller
——————————————
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a while experience it. Avoiding
danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life
is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”
–Helen Keller
——————————————
“People ignore the strange and unusual… I myself am strange and
unusual.”
–from Beetlejuice
——————————————
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means
the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of
giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to
share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender
hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of
despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief
and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not
healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that
is a friend who cares.”
–Henri Nouwen
——————————————
“Do I avoid looking a stranger in the eyes because I don’t want
to make him uncomfortable, or do I turn my eyes so he can’t look
into me? What is in there that I don’t want him to see?” (Notes)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“When someone disagrees with me, I do not have to immediately
start revising what I just said. People don’t want me to always
agree with them. They can sense this is phony. They can sense I
am trying to control them: I am agreeing with them to make them
like me. They feel; ‘I don’t want to exist to like you. I DON’T
exist to like you.'” (Notes)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“Sometimes when I generalize I am saying, ‘Let’s pretend I am
God,’ and of course the other person argues that point endlessly.
But I notice that if the other person takes a stand for himself
and states his thoughts as his thoughts, I pay more attention to
what he is saying and look deeper in myself.” (Notes)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“Within me is the potential to commit every evil act I see being
committed by other men, and unless I feel this potential I can at
any moment be controlled by these same urges. I am free from
these urges only if I recognize when I am feeling them, and while
feeling them and acknowledging them to be me, choose not to
follow them. Only in this way can I begin to regain the disowned
parts of me. And only in this way can I know what it is I am
criticizing in others.” (Notes)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“I sometimes react to making a mistake as if I have betrayed
myself. My fear of making a mistake seems to be based on the
hidden assumption that I am potentially perfect and that if I can
just be very careful I will not fall from heaven. But a
‘mistake’ is a declaration of the way I am, a jolt to the way I
intend, a reminder I am not dealing with the facts. When I have
listened to my mistakes I have grown.” (Notes)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“Perfectionism is a slow death. If everything were to just like
I would want it to, just like I would plan for it to, then I
would never experience anything new; my life would be an endless
repetition of stale successes. When I make a mistake I
experience something unexpected.” (Notes)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“I can not ‘make my mark’ for all time — those concepts are
mutually exclusive. ‘Lasting effect’ is a self-contradictory
term. Meaning does not exist in the future and neither do I.
Nothing will have meaning ‘ultimately.’ Nothing will even mean
tomorrow what it did today. Meaning changes with the context.
My meaningfulness is here. It is enough that I am of value to
someone today. It is enough that I make a difference now.”
(Notes to Myself)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“For some reason, when we’re on tour all our dressing rooms have
blackboards. So we chalk up New Laws of the Universe like, ‘What
is not there, will be,’ and ‘All roads lead to other roads.'”
–Greg Hawkes
——————————————
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are, while your
reputation is merely what others think you are.”
–John Wooden
——————————————
“Men of genius are admired, men of wealth are envied, men of
power are feared; but only men of character are trusted.”
——————————————
“Dignity does not consist in possessing honours, but in deserving
them.”
–Aristotle
——————————————
“You’re all very quiet for people running for their lives.”
–from Press Gang
——————————————
“I laugh, my voice spiralling into Forever
for I have found perfection
and it has always been right here
in the temple of Self”
–Miranda Padgett
——————————————
“People tend to think I’m always aggressive and strong. The
truth is, I’ve always been wracked with self-loathing, which
leads me into terrible, self paralysing depressions. When I go
down to this place, I feel so empty and overwhelmed I can barely
move. But perversely, I find these traits in a man unacceptable
— I can’t stand someone who can out-depress me. You know that
scene in Babe where the farmer clog-dances for the pig?
Sometimes I’m the sick pig and I need a farmer to cheer me up.
And when things get bad, my boyfriend does dance for me, and it
never fails to make me laugh. He’s a pretty snappy dancer.”
–Shirley Manson
——————————————
“Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and
probably an injured one.”
–Glenn Beck
——————————————
“Every great and commanding movement in the annals of the world
is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved
without it.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
——————————————
“If there were a mile high mountain of granite, and once every
ten-thousand years a bird flew past and brushed it with a
feather, by the time that mountain was worn away, a fraction of a
second would have passed in the context of eternity.”
–Lois Duncan
——————————————
“People. I knew some of them, but not now. On the moon, I
wander among the many pot holes. Their shadows make me feel
planet-stricken. Display model #1: Clusters of magnetic
liquids. I would like to uncover the mystery of the scrim. Will
I rise to the occasion when it decides to fall by? A tiny
walled-off angel lays an egg. A secret life-the ruminations of a
creature that walks without legs, eats without a mouth, breathes
without lungs, feels without nerves, then divides and conquers.
What happens when you try to squeeze a puddle of gravity in your
hand? It dissolves into hundreds of silver eggs. Me too. The
incubation period was over. Display model #2: People backed up
into a dark corner. Unearthed puzzle, the same the moon all
over. Next stage? Parachute, the final explanation arising as I
make my slow descent.”
–Gillian McCain
——————————————
“Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather
straps.”
–Emo Phillips
——————————————
“The happiest person is the person who thinks the most
interesting thoughts.”
–Timothy Dwight
——————————————
“Be happy. It is a way of being wise.”
–Colette
——————————————
“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of
travelling.”
–M. L. Runbeck
——————————————
“It is better to aim at perfection and miss, than to aim at
imperfection and hit it.”
–T. J. Watson, Sr.
——————————————
“Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.”
–Lord Alfred Tennyson
——————————————
“You are what you do when it counts.”
–The Masao
——————————————
“I once complained to my father that I didn’t seem to be able to
do things the same way other people did. Dad’s advice? ‘Margo,
don’t be a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep.'”
–Margo Kaufmann
——————————————
“If you’re never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you
never take any chances.”
–Julia Soorel
——————————————
“Success is a journey, not a destination.”
–Ben Sweetland
——————————————
“There is zero, and there is eternity, and there is mortality,
but there is no ultimate.”
–Stephen King
——————————————
“You are what you are — and not what people think you are.”
–O. W. Polen
——————————————
“Don’t try to be different. Just be good. To be good is
different enough.”
–Arthur Freed
——————————————
“If we’re going to be damned, let’s be damned for who we really
are!”
–from Star Trek: The Next Generation
——————————————
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little
death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I
will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has
gone past over me and through me. And when it has gone past I
will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone
there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” (Dune)
–Frank Herbert
——————————————
“About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people
will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do
for them, and some won’t like you at all.”
–Rita Mae Brown
——————————————
“The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not
bitter.”
–Mandie Ellingson
——————————————
“An ordinary man can… surround himself with two thousand
books… and thenceforward have at least one place in the world
in which it is possible to be happy.”
–Augustine Birrell
——————————————
“Language exists to conceal true thought.”
–Tallyrand
——————————————
“A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.”
–Thomas Carruthers
——————————————
“People who think honestly and deeply have a hostile attitude
towards the public.”
–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
——————————————
“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But
the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound
truth.”
–Niels Bohr
——————————————
“Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now —
always.”
–Albert Schweitzer
——————————————
“I can promise to be frank, I cannot promise to be impartial.”
–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
——————————————
“If you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you; but
if you make them really think, they’ll hate you.”
——————————————
“Two things fill my mind with ever-increasing wonder and awe:
the starry skies above me and the moral law within me.”
–Immanuel Kant
——————————————
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you’re
still a rat.”
–Lilly Tomlin
——————————————
“God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable
game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the
perspective of any other players, to being involved in an obscure
and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank
cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won’t tell you the
rules and who smiles all the time.”
–Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
——————————————
“Okay, I’m sorry I don’t write poems about sunsets and nature and
mystical experiences, I only know what I know; I could write that
the sight of a sunset lit up my mind like Light Brite and I was
enlightened, or that the sun and moon are my mother and father;
but I can’t — I can only write with any semblance of truth about
what contains my simple frame of reference.”
–Gillian McCain
——————————————
“All art must come from experience, or it is as fake as the soul
of the one who writes it.”
–Loriel
——————————————
“If you happen to meet a crocodile, don’t stick your head in its
mouth. Every now and then, and who knows the reason, people
ignore this advice, which is sad because they die, but very
stupid because they were warned. They had a choice. The moral
of the story is this — you can’t afford to be stupid. There are
crocodiles…”
–from Press Gang
——————————————
“The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets
painful is the man who will win.”
–Roger Bannister
——————————————
“Imagine a life without uncertainty… Imagine how dull life
would be if variables assessed for admission to a professional
school, graduate program, or executive training program really
did predict with great accuracy who would succeed and who would
fall. Life would be intolerable — no hope, no challenge.”
–R. M. Dawes
——————————————
“Go your own way. Question everything. Accept nothing. Accept
no dogma, no can’t. There are too many people walking around
thinking they’re sacred cows, and they’re only half right.”
–Rosie Dimanno
——————————————
“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the
man who can’t read them.”
–Mark Twain
——————————————
“Consider a man riding a bicycle. Whoever he is, we can say
three things about him. We know he got on the bicycle and
started to move. We know that at some point he will stop and get
off. Most important of all, we know that if at any point between
the beginning and the end of his journey he stops moving and does
not get off the bicycle he will fall off it. That is a metaphor
for the journey through life of any living thing, and I think of
any society of living things.”
–William Golding
——————————————
“Utopias are presented for our inspection as a critique of the
human state. If they are to be treated as anything but trivial
exercises of the imagination. I suggest there is a simple test
we can apply. … We must forget the whole paraphernalia of
social description, demonstration, expostulation, approbation,
condemnation. We have to say to ourselves, ‘How would I myself
live in this proposed society? How long would it be before I
went stark staring mad?'”
–William Golding
——————————————
“We spent all night learning an important less. You can’t judge
a sewer by its manhole cover. No sir. People can be very
different under the surface than they might seem. Quiet, mild-
mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-
fisted cool. And roaring lions of two-fisted cool just might
have some crippling lobster problems! Listen man, it’s all crazy
down there under the surface. A lost wallet could bite you in
half. A bar of soap could save your life. Egad, a disgusting
mound of muck just might have some very compelling ideas. Do you
dig my ditch?”
–from The Tick
——————————————
“I think that you appreciate that there are extraordinary men and
women, and extraordinary moments when history leaps forward on
the backs of these individuals. That what can be imagined, can
be achieved. That you must dare to dream, but that there is no
substitute for perseverance and hard work, and team work, because
no one gets there alone. And that while we commemorate the
greatness of these events and the individuals who achieve them,
we cannot forget the sacrifice of those who makes these
achievements and leaps possible.”
–from The X-Files
——————————————
“The fact is that liberty, in any true sense, is a concept that
lies quite beyond the reach of the inferior man’s mind. And no
wonder, for genuine liberty demands of its votaries a quality he
lacks completely, and that is courage. The man who loves it must
be willing to fight for it; blood, said Jefferson, is its natural
manure. Liberty means self-reliance, it means resolution, it
means the capacity for doing without… the average man doesn’t
want to be free. He wants to be safe.”
–H. L. Mencken
——————————————
“Again, we must ask ourselves why the people that brought war,
plane crashes, political corruption, lap dancing and serial
killers to our breakfast tables and into our living rooms are
trying to sooth us with futuristic Web browsers, all buttons and
spinning logos.”
–Michael Van Biesbrouck
——————————————
“I wish that people would take the time to show people that they
are important in their lives, either at work, or at home. Too
many times people take others for granted, and I think that needs
to change. People are so much nicer and willing to help you if
you use those two little words that mean so much… ‘Thank You!'”
–Gina Gillespie
——————————————
“I would wish that people come to realize that we create our own
realities, and all our emotions and thoughts are simply choices.
If we were more accountable as human beings we would experience
far, far less suffering and indifference in the world. It is
considerably easier to place blame outside of ourselves than to
live life from an accountable position.”
–Robert Brincka
——————————————
“I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and
then quickly change back.”
–from The Simpsons
——————————————
“There’s an element of contempt for meanings. You want to write
outside the usual framework. You want to dare readers to make a
commitment you know they can’t make. That’s part of [crazed
prose]. There’s also the sense of drowning in information and in
the mass awareness of things. Everybody seems to know
everything. Subjects surface and are totally exhausted in a
matter of days. … The writer is driven by his conviction that
some truths aren’t arrived at so easily, that life is still full
of mystery, that it might be better for you, dear reader, if you
went back to the living section of your newspaper because this is
the dying section and you don’t really want to be here. This
writer is working against the age and so he feels some
satisfaction at not being widely read. He is diminished by an
audience.”
–Don DeLillo
——————————————
“Because friends have to be brutally honest with each other. I’d
feel terrible if I didn’t tell you what I was thinking,
especially at a time like this.” (Noise)
–Don DeLillo
——————————————
“We start our lives in chaos, in babble. As we surge up into the
world, we try to devise a shape, a plan. There is dignity in
this. Your whole life is a plot, a scheme, a diagram. It is a
failed scheme but that’s not the point. To plot is to affirm
life, to seek shape and control. Even after death, most
particularly after death, the search continues. Burial rites are
an attempt to complete the scheme, in ritual. Picture a state
funeral. It is all precision, detail, order, design. The nation
holds its breath. The efforts of a huge and powerful government
are brought to bear on a ceremony that will shed the last trace
of chaos. If all geos well, if they bring it off, some natural
law of perfection is obeyed. The nation is delivered from
anxiety, the deceased’s life is redeemed, life itself is
strengthened, reaffirmed.” (Noise)
–Don DeLillo
——————————————
“Just because it’s on the radio doesn’t mean we have to suspend
belief in the evidence of our senses.” (White Noise)
–Don DeLillo
——————————————
“Where are the beginnings, the endings, and most important, the
middles?”
–Julio Cort�zar
——————————————
“He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already
earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace
to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at
command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance,
how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is;
I would rather be torn to shreds than be part of so base an
action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war
is nothing but an act of murder.”
–Albert Einstein
——————————————
“That is the future, and it is probably nearer than we think.
But our primary problem as universities is not engineering that
future. We must rise above the obsession with quantity of
information and speed of transmission, and recognize that the key
issue for us is our ability to organize this information once it
has been amassed — to assimilate it, find meaning in it, and
assure its survival for use by generations to come.”
–Vartan Gregorian
——————————————
“The highest form of guitar soloing is saying something in 16
bars and not wasting a note. You can’t aspire to anything finer
in a pop record. I’ve never gone for gratuitous soloing. The
most predictable thing in the world is to wank on guitar for days
on end. It’s like weight lifting. I’m not impressed by it.”
–Elliot Easton
——————————————
“Little problems are big problems for little minds”
–Tom Zimmerman
——————————————
“Such is the stuff of waking nightmares, incipient madness, the
sort of now-bewildered but soon-to-be-deranged thoughts that
cause once well-balanced people to peek under their beds at
night, suspect that their phones are tapped, and, in time, become
certain that sinister forces are monitoring their every move.
Maybe it’s the government, maybe it’s the Trilateral Commission,
maybe it’s the saucer people. You can’t trust anyone because
anyone and everyone may be one of Them or on of Their Agents.
And pretty soon you begin writing long letters to the editor of
Scientific American, or maybe you don’t because the editors are
probably part of the conspiracy too. And you think about lining
your room with aluminum foil to keep the radio waves out, and at
night you roam the streets spray-painting mystic symbols on the
walls to repel strange forces, and all the while you gibber to
yourself and what you say makes sense to you if to no one else,
and in the end you put your belongings in a shopping bad, better
to be mobile, and you look for a dark place you can hide during
the daylight hours, because They are out there, and They are
searching, and They want you in their crosshairs… The
headshrinkers call it paranoia, and when it gets bad they put you
away. Because, after all, people who think everyone in the world
wants to kill them can be dangerous.”
–Joseph R. Garber
——————————————
“I cannot feel good about being a woman unless you feel bad about
being a moan. I cannot be proud of being black unless you are
ashamed of being white. I cannot respect myself for being gay
unless you are embarrassed that you are straight. Tolerance has
been put by the boards; it is a stale and bitter thing and we
will have none of it. Equality, likewise; is condescending at
best and in truth intended to demean. If I am to achieve the
inner harmony and self-respect that is my due, it will not
suffice for you and I to be equals. No! Nothing less than
superiority will make me happy. And to ensure that I make my
point, I shall commend your libraries to the flames, rewrite your
histories, purge your dictionaries, and arm the thought police
with power to enforce political correctness in all speech and
apprehension.”
–Joseph R. Garber
——————————————
“I want you to be able to say anything. Even what you don’t
mean.” (Notes to Myself)
–Hugh Prather
——————————————
“It’s a pity if someone… has to console himself for the wreck
of his days with the notion that somehow his voice, his work
embodies the deepest, most obscure, freshest, rawest oyster of
reality in the unfathomable refrigerator of the heart’s ocean,
but I am such a one, and there you have it. … It is really
amazing how famous I am to those few who truly comprehend what
I’m about. I am the Voice of Suffering and I cannot be
consoled.”
–Leonard Cohen
——————————————
“Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.”
–General George Patton
——————————————
“Be willing to make decisions. That’s the most important quality
in a good leader. Don’t fall victim to what I call the Ready-
Aim-Aim-Aim Syndrome. You must be willing to fire.”
–T. Boone Pickens
——————————————
“Hello everyone. I suppose you think that nothing much is
happening at the moment. Well, that’s what I want to talk to you
all about; endings. Now, endings normally happen at the end.
But as we all know, endings are just beginnings. You know, once
these things really get started, it’s jolly hard to stop them
again. However, as we have all come this far, I think, under the
circumstances the best solution is that we all just keep going.
Let’s keep this going in sight, never an ending. Let’s remember
that this world wants fresh beginnings. I feel here, in this
country, and throughout the world, we are crying out for
beginnings, beginnings. We never want to hear this word
‘endings’. I know we all want to sit down. I know you want to
take it easy. Of course we’re looking for the good. Of course
we’re looking for the fresh start.”
–Mike Oldfield
——————————————
“Whenever someone annoys me, I create a file with his or her name
on it and drag it to my Mac’s trash icon. If I’m really angry, I
empty the trash, and whoever was bugging me disappears into the
void.”
–Margo Kaufman
——————————————
“‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in a rather scornful
tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean; neither more nor
less.'” (Through the Looking-Glass 164)
–Lewis Carroll
——————————————
“I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart’s
affections, and the truth of imagination.”
–John Keats
——————————————
“To approach telepathy, you start with empathy and crank that up
as high as you can. You care about each other. You feel each
others’s joy and pain. You make each other laugh, and help each
other cry. You work hard at trusting each other, so that it’s
safe to dismantle the fortress around your ego. You forgive each
other anything that stands between you, and try to bring out each
other’s best, you work very hard at hosing all the bull-shit out
of your head so that it’s clean enough for guests, silencing all
the demons in your subconscious so that it’s quiet enough to hear
people thinking at you, and most of all you find ways to make
that work so much fun that you keep on working. You stick
together and love each other, and keep growing.”
–Spider Robinson
——————————————
“You are what you do when it counts”
–John Steakley
——————————————
“I once listed all the good things I did over the past year, and
then turned them into resolution form and backdated them. That
was a good feeling.”
–Robert Fulghum
——————————————
“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their
commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen
field of endeavour.”
–Vince Lombardi
——————————————
“Create a vision and never let the environment, other people’s
beliefs, or the limits of what has been done in the past shape
your decisions. Ignore conventional wisdom.”
–Anthony Robbins
——————————————
“Determine what you want, then resolve to pay the price to get
it.”
–Bunker Hunt
——————————————
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin
— real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way,
something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time
still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
–Fr. Alfred D’Souza
——————————————
“And as cliche as it may sound
I’d like to raise another round
And if you bottles empty
Help yourself to mine
Thank you for your time
And here’s to life.”
–The Refreshments
——————————————
“And who ever said there’s nothing new under the sun
Never thought much about individuals
But he’s dead anyways.”
–The Refreshments
——————————————
“All great truths begin as blasphemies.”
–George Bernard Shaw
——————————————
“You see things and say, ‘Why?’, but I dream things and say, ‘Why
not?'”
–George Bernard Shaw
——————————————
“Truth is not determined by majority vote.”
–Doug Gwyn
——————————————
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our
wits to grow sharper.”
–Bertrand Russel
——————————————
“It is not what they take away from you that counts. It’s what
you do with what you have left.”
–Hubert Humphrey
——————————————
“People who fail to achieve their goals usually get stopped by
frustration. They allow frustration to keep them from taking the
necessary actions that would support them in achieving their
desire. You get through this roadblock by plowing through
frustration, taking each setback as feedback you can learn from,
and pushing ahead. I doubt you’ll find many successful people who
have not experienced this. All successful people learn that
success is buried on the other side of frustration.”
–Anthony Robbins
——————————————
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t
lead anywhere.”
–Unkn
——————————————
“This great misfortune — to be incapable of solitude.”
–Jean de la Bruyere
——————————————
“There is no such thing as a ‘self-made’ man. We are made up of
thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for
us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into
the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our
success.”
–George Matthew Adams
——————————————
“Our lives improve only when we take chances — and the first and
most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”
–Walter Anderson
——————————————
“There are two types of people — those who come into a room and
say, ‘Well, here I am!’ and those who come in and say, ‘Ah, there
you are.'”
–Frederick L Collins
——————————————
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to
try to please everyone.”
–Bill Cosby
——————————————
“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of
improving, and that’s your own self.”
–Aldous Huxley
——————————————
“I take a simple view of life: keep your eyes open and get on
with it.”
–Sir Laurence Olivier
——————————————
“The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the
facts to fit their views… which can be very uncomfortable if
you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.”
–from Doctor Who
——————————————
“I’m old old enough to play baseball or football. I’m not eight
yet. My Mom told me when you start baseball, you aren’t going to
be able to run that fast because you had an operation. I told
Mom I wouldn’t need to run fast. When I play baseball, I’ll just
hit them out of the park. Then I’ll be able to walk.”
–Edward J. Mcgrath Jr.
——————————————
“It’s possible to fight intolerance, stupidity and fanaticism
when they come separately. When you get all three together it’s
probably wiser to get out, if only to preserve your sanity.”
–P. D. James
——————————————
“Is there a home, a home for me?
Where the people stay until eternity?
Is there a road that winds up, underneath the big green tree?
Is there a home, a home for me?”
–Stan Ridgway
——————————————
“I wanna float with you on a cumulus cloud
I wanna take you far away from this maddening crowd
You can scratch up my back with your long fingernails
We’ll drink some weird wine and eat psychedelic snails.”
–Stan Ridgway
——————————————
“My angel, my all, my very self… my thoughts go out to you, my
Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to
learn whether or not fate will hear us — I can live only wholly
with you or not at all… Be calm — love me — today —
yesterday — what tearful longings for you — you — you — my
life — my all — farewell. Oh continue to love — never
misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine.
Ever mine. Ever ours.”
–Ludwig van Beethoven
——————————————
“All right, they’re on our left, they’re on our right, they’re in
front of us, they’re behind us. They can’t get away this time!”
–General “Chesty” Puller
——————————————
“An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”
–Mohandas Gandhi
——————————————
“True morality consists, not in following the beaten track, but
in finding out the true path for ourselves and in fearlessly
following it.”
–Mohandas Gandhi
——————————————
“You have no warning when your life’s about to change. No clap
of thunder. No sign. Maybe a premonition, a fear, but we’re
scared most of the time, aren’t we? So how do you know when it
means something? How do you know when you’re just not being
paranoid?”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“He was polite to his elders, who disliked him. Whatever his
elders told him to do, he did. They told him to look before he
leaped, and he always looked before he leaped. They told him
never to put off until the next day what he could do the day
before, and he never did. He was told to honour his father and
his mother, and he honoured his father and his mother. He was
told that he should not kill, and he did not kill, until he got
into the Army. Then he was told to kill, and he killed. He
turned the other cheek on every occasion and always did unto
others exactly as he would have had others do unto him. When he
gave to charity, his left hand never knew what his right hand was
doing. He never once took the name of the Lord his God in vain,
committed adultery or coveted his neighbour’s ass. In fact, he
loved his neighbour and never even bore false witness against
him. [His] elders disliked him because he was such a flagrant
nonconformist.” (Catch 22)
–Joseph Heller
——————————————
“Well, maybe it is true, maybe a long life does have to be filled
with many unpleasant conditions if it’s to seem long. But in
that event, who wants one?” (Catch 22)
–Joseph Heller
——————————————
“Practice random acts of independence and senseless acts of
freedom.”
–Professor Zen
——————————————
“Stand up for yourself. If you don’t then why should I?”
–Professor Zen
——————————————
“I have a novel way to eliminate crime as we know it. Instead of
passing sentences of a certain number of years, why don’t we
educate the inmates and not let them out until they have
maintained at least a C average from a grade school to a high
school curriculum. Do you know how many people we could actually
keep in prison and for how long? Think about it…”
–Professor Zen
——————————————
“‘You’ll get over it…’ It’s the clichT that cause the
trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever.
You don’t get over it because ‘it’ is the person you loved. The
pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How
could it? The articularness of someone who mattered enough to
grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart
is in the shape of you and no one else can fit it. Why would I
want them to?” (Body)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“Yes we are [friends] and I do like to pass the day with you in
serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn’t mind washing up
beside you, dusting beside you, reading the back half of the
paper while you read the front. We are friends and I would miss
you, do miss you and think of you very often. I don’t want to
lose this happy space where I have found someone who is smart and
easy and doesn’t bother to check her diary when we arrange to
meet.” (Body)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“Poor me. There’s nothing so sweet as wallowing in it is there?
Wallowing is sex for depressives.” (Body)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“I was in the last spasms of an affair with a Dutch girl called
Inge. She was a committed romantic and an anarcha-feminist.
This was hard for her because it meant she couldn’t blow up
beautiful buildings. She knew the Eiffel Tower was a hideous
symbol of phallic oppression but when ordered by her commander to
detonate the lift so that no-one should unthinkingly scale an
erection, her mind filled with young romantics gazing over Paris
and opening aerograms that said Je t’aime.” (Body)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“Make three wishes and they shall all come true. Make three
hundred and I will honour every one.” (Written on the Body)
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you
must make it.”
–Charles Buxton
——————————————
“We want the facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don’t,
it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the
preconceptions.”
–Jessamyn West
——————————————
“Telling us to obey instinct is like telling us to obey ‘people.’
People say different things: so do instincts. Our instincts are
at war….Each instinct, if you listen to it, will claim to be
gratified at the expense of the rest.”
–C. S. Lewis
——————————————
“My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in
the fewness of my wants.”
–J. Brotherton
——————————————
“The purpose of education is to replace an empty mind with an
open one.”
–Malcom Forbes
——————————————
“Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get
ahead of ourselves – to break our own records, to outstrip our
yesterday by our today.”
–Stewart B. Johnson
——————————————
“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.”
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“Obviously, where art has it over life is in the matter of
editing. Life can be seen to suffer from a drastic lack of
editing. It stops too quick, or else it goes on too long.
Worse, its pacing is erratic. Some chapters are little more than
a few sentences in length, while others stretch into volumes.
Life, for all its raw talent, has little sense of structure. It
creates amazing textures, but it can’t be counted on for snappy
beginnings or good endings either. Indeed, in many cases no
ending is provided at all.
–Larry McMurtry
——————————————
“There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe
everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from
thinking.”
–Theodore Rubin
——————————————
“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define
us.”
–Virginia Satir
——————————————
“Whether they really believe in their brave new world, however,
is ultimately beside the point. They’re building it. And in the
friction-free future, jacked into paradise, we’ll have the
‘liberty’ of living (or rather, or buying the illusion of
living), through the benevolent offices of a middleman as nearly
omnipotent as god himself. Freedom? A more perfect captivity is
difficult to imagine.”
–Mark Slouka
——————————————
“The future is green and low tech. We’ll watch aquariums, not
TVs.”
–A. Pavletich
——————————————
“We all are where we are because we want to be there.”
–from What Happened Was…
——————————————
“The future lay sparkling ahead of us and we thought that we’d
know each other forever.”
–from Sleepers
——————————————
“The most important thing about a man is what he believes in the
depth of his being. This is the thing that makes him what he is,
the thing that organizes him and feeds him; the thing that keeps
him going in the face of untoward circumstances; the thing that
gives him resistance and drive.”
–Hugh Stevenson Tigner
——————————————
“If you don’t have solid beliefs you cannot build a stable life.
Beliefs are like the foundation of a building, and they are the
foundation to build your life upon.”
–Alfred A. Montapert
——————————————
“What orbit of the planets has put you and me in this place, at
this moment? Where time takes a breath, and we dance on the edge
of our dreams?”
–from a Millennia commercial
——————————————
“You know one of the ways that movies are still better than
playback? Because the music comes up, there’s credits, and you
always know when it’s over.”
–from Strange Days
——————————————
“There’s more to light than the opposite of dark.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“There’s a new and virulent cultural virus ripping through the
world… The symptoms of those infected include attacks of
optimism, strong feelings of community, lower stress levels and
outbreaks of pronoia — the sneaking feeling that someone is
conspiring behind their backs to help them.”
–Jules Marshall
——————————————
“Machines will never be able to give the thinking process a model
of thought itself, since machines are not mortal. What gives
humans access to the symbolic domain of value and meaning is the
fact that we die.”
–RHis Debray
——————————————
“The task of thinking is based upon selection and weeding out;
remembering everything is weirdly similar to forgetting
everything. Most things that people do shouldn’t be remembered.
Maybe forgetting is good.”
–Gary Wolf
——————————————
“May the best from your past be the worst of your future.”
–from The Long Kiss Goodnight
——————————————
“When you discard arrogance, complexity, and a few other things
that get in the way, sooner or later you will discover that
simple, childlike, and mysterious secret known to those of the
Uncarved Block: Life is Fun.”
–Benjamin Hoff
——————————————
“I think that the most important thing to teach children in an
environmentally conscious age is alternative views of nature.
They must be shown how our interpretation of natural systems is
often completely dependent not on what is there but on what kind
of box we draw around the data. And if they are going to be
smarter than their parents, then schoolchildren must think
subversively about accepted wisdoms concerning natural systems.”
–Stephen Strauss
——————————————
“Progress involves risks. You can’t steal second with your foot
on first.”
–Fred Wilcox
——————————————
“Don’t save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain.”
–Leo Durocher
——————————————
“It’s like most anything. If you want to be a loser, there’s
always a way to dwell on the negative. If you want to win,
there’s always a way to think positively.”
–Tony La Russa
——————————————
“If you are content with yourself, you’ll stop taking those
little steps forward and begin taking big steps backward.”
–Greg Maddux
——————————————
“Bury me above the clouds, all the way from here
Take away the things I need, take away my fear
Hide me in a hollow sound, happy ever more
Everything I had to give, gave them long before.”
–Garbage
——————————————
“Crashing silent, broken down, falling into night
Who gave up and who gave in, I’ll go without a fight
Cut me down or cut me dead, cut me in or out
Kiss me blind time after time, take away my doubt.”
–Garbage
——————————————
“I bit my tongue and stood in line
With not much to believe in
I bought into what I was sold
And ended up with nothing.”
–Garbage
——————————————
“I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn’t accidentally tell you that
I’m only happy when it rains.”
–Garbage
——————————————
“A couple things about looking into a mirror: First off, you get
to see anybody sneaking up behind you, second, it’s two-
dimensional and you don’t get to see the whole of yourself,
third, mirrors are flat and very often cold, fourth, when things
get hot and intense, it’s the mirror that steams up, not your
eyes.”
–Greg Webster
——————————————
“A couple months ago I noticed that I hadn’t really laughed for a
long time… That’s come back quite well, I’m enjoying more
things… I’d say that I’ve almost completely recovered from the
past few years, still cynical, but not really bitter.”
–Greg Webster
——————————————
“[Alan Berg’s] memory haunts many people, even those who never
heard him on the radio, because his death could be read as a
message: Be cautious, be prudent, be bland, never push anybody,
never say what you really think, offer yourself as a hostage to
the weirdos even before they make the first move. These days, a
lot of people are opposed to the newfound popularity of ‘trash
television,’ and no doubt they are right, and the hosts of these
shows are shameless controversy-mongers. But at least they are
not intimidated. Of what use is freedom of speech to those who
fear to offend?”
–Roger Ebert
——————————————
“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those, who in times
of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.”
–Dante Alighieri
——————————————
“People are usually more firmly convinced that their opinions are
precious than that they are true.”
–George Santayana
——————————————
“I would step in the way of a bullet if it were aimed at my
husband. It is not self-sacrifice to die protecting that which
you value: If the value is great enough, you do not care to
exist without it. This applies to any alleged sacrifice for
those one loves.”
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Baseball breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart.
The game begins in the spring when everything else begins again,
and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and
evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and
leaves you to face fall alone.
–A. Bartlett Giamatti

——————————————
“It is always the same: once you are liberated, you are forced
to ask who you are.”
–Jean Baudrillard
——————————————
“Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us.”
–Kirby Puckett
——————————————
“Happiness isn’t a static thing; it’s the quest for happiness
that allows us to think we’re happy, while we continue to search
for more.”
–Greg Webster
——————————————
“We can’t all be Einstein (because we don’t all play the violin).
At the very least, we need a sort of street-smart science: the
ability to recognize evidence, gather it, assess it, and act on
it.”
–Judith Stone
——————————————
“Over the last decade or so ‘wars’ have been proclaimed, in turn,
on teen pregnancy, dropping out, drugs, and most recently
violence. The trouble with such campaigns, though, is that they
come too late, after the targeted problem has reached epidemic
proportions and taken firm root in the lives of the young. They
are crisis intervention, the equivalent of solving a problem by
sending an ambulance to the rescue rather than giving an
inoculation that would ward off the disease in the first place.
Instead of more such ‘wars,’ what we need is to follow the logic
of prevention, offering our children the skills for facing life
that will increase their chances of avoiding any and all of these
fates.”
–Daniel Goldman
——————————————
“Functionless art is simply tolerated vandalism.”
–Type O Negative
——————————————
“That, of course, is the devil’s bargain of addiction: a short-
term good feeling in exchange for the steady meltdown of one’s
life.”
–Daniel Goldman
——————————————
“What we call human nature in actuality is human habit.”
–Jewel Kilcher
——————————————
“Why go to a museum and look at paintings if you can paint your
own painting. I mean, do things for yourself. I mean, do you
have somebody come in a sleep with your wife for you? Do you pay
somebody to eat your food for you? I mean, do things for
yourself. That’s what life’s about. There’s so many people
doing things they hate, I mean you have people running the
country who all they care about is keeping their jobs not doing
their jobs. There’s so little real love in any of the work that
I see.”
–from What Happened Was…
——————————————
“To look this way is to see.
To see is to have vision.
To have vision is to understand.
To understand is to know.
To know is to become.
To become is to live fully.
To live fully is to matter.
And to matter is to become light.
And to become light is to be loved.
And to be loved is to burn.
And to burn is to exist.
Off and on.”
–Robert Fulghum
——————————————
“If you notice phrases, ideas, and anecdotes that closely
resemble those that appear elsewhere in my writing, it’s not a
matter of sloppy editing. I’m repeating myself. I’m reshuffling
words in the hope that just once I might say something exactly
right. And I’m still wrestling with dilemmas that are not easily
resolved or easily dismissed. I run at them again and again
because I am not finished with them. Any may never be. Work-in-
progress on a life-in-progress is what my writing is about. And
some progress in the work is enough to keep it going on.”
–Robert Fulghum
——————————————
“You yourself are in an ecstatic state to such a point that you
feel as though you almost don’t exist. I’ve experienced this
time and again. My hand seems devoid of myself, and I have
nothing to do with what is happening. I just sit there watching
in a state of awe and wonderment. And it just flows out by
itself.”
–Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
——————————————
“Change is the only thing that you can expect.”
–Jaymi Wiley
——————————————
“How can you worry about pleasing people [critics] and what
they’re going to think? How can you do anything creative if the
whole thing is motivated by trying to please somebody else? To
me, the whole idea of what I thought art, or music, or anything
creative was about pleasing yourself and hoping that whatever
you’re creating will reach someone else who’ll see it on that
level. To worry about someone picking it apart and discussing it
element for element, and trying to knock you down or weaken it in
any way doesn’t amount to anything but a waste of paper.”
–Elliot Easton
——————————————
“They’re caught where there’s no way out or where you can’t see
out. What are you going to do about it? I don’t have the
answer. If I did there would be no insane asylums. But I see a
lot of people, a lot of my friends in the same predicament. Many
times in my life, I was there myself.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“There is really nothing you must be.
And there is nothing you must do.
There is really nothing you must have.
And there is nothing that you must know.
There is really nothing you must become.
However, it helps to understand that fire burns, and when it
rains, the earth gets wet…”
–Robert Fulghum
——————————————
“Making a living and having a life are not the same thing.
Making a living and making a life that’s worthwhile are not the
same thing. Living the good life and living a good life are not
the same thing. A job title doesn’t even come close to answering
the question ‘What do you do?'”
–Robert Fulghum
——————————————
“Even if there’s no such thing as free will, we have to treat
each other as if there were free will in order to live together
in society. Because otherwise, every time somebody does
something terrible, you can’t punish him, because he can’t help
it, because his genes or his environment or God made him do it,
and every time somebody does something good, you can’t honour him
because he was a puppet, too. If you think that everybody around
you is a puppet why bother talking to them at all? Why even try
to plan anything or create anything, since everything you plan or
create or desire or dream of is just acting out the script your
puppeteer built into you.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“The priests say that God created our souls, and that just puts
us under the control of another puppeteer. If God created our
will, then he’s responsible for every choice we make. God, our
genes, our environment, or some stupid programmer keying in code
at an ancient terminal — there’s no way free will can ever exist
if we as individuals are the result of some external cause.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“Isn’t it possible, he wondered, for one person to love another
without trying to own each other? Or is that buried so deep in
our genes that we can never get it out? Territoriality. My
wife. My friend. My lover. My outrageous and annoying computer
personality who’s about to be shut off at the behest of a half-
crazy girl with OCD on a planet that I never heard of and how
will I live without [her] when she’s gone?”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“I have too many secrets. For all these years I’ve been a
speaker for the dead, uncovering secrets and helping people to
live in the light of truth. Now I no longer tell anyone half of
what I know, because if I told the whole truth there would be
fear, hatred, brutality, murder, war.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“We’re poor little lambs who’ve lost our way,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
We’re little black sheep who’ve gone astray,
Baa-aa-aa!
Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
Damned from here to Eternity,
God ha’ mercy on such as we,
Baa! Yah! Bah!”
–Rudyard Kipling
——————————————
“A strange thing happened then. The Speaker agreed with her that
she had made a mistake that night, and she knew when he said the
words that it was true, that his judgement was correct. And yet
she felt strangely healed, as if simply speaking her mistake were
enough to purge some of the pain of it. For the first time,
then, she caught a glimpse of what the power of speaking might
be. It wasn’t a matter of confession, penance, and absolution,
like the priests offered. It was something else entirely.
Telling the story of who she was, and then realizing that she was
no longer the same person. That she had made a mistake, and the
mistake had changed her, and now she would not make the mistake
again because she had become someone else, someone less afraid,
someone more compassionate.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“How clever of me. I have found such a pathway into hell that I
can never get back out.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“But I hope that in the lives of [the characters], you will find
stories worth holding in your memory, perhaps even in your heart.
That’s the transaction that counts more than best-seller lists,
royalty statements, awards, or reviews. Because in the pages of
this book, you and I will meet one-on-one, my mind and yours, and
you will enter a world of my making and dwell there, not as a
character that I control, but as a person with a mind of your
own. You will make of my story what you need it to be, if you
can. I hope my tale is true enough and flexible enough that you
can make it into a world worth living in.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“The danger that keeps me just a little frightened with every
book I write, however, is that I’ll overreach myself once too
often and try to write a story that I’m just plain not talented
or skilful enough to write. That’s the dilemma every storyteller
faces. It is painful to fail. But it is far sadder when a
storyteller stops wanting to try.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“Remember, you can think for yourself, or just surrender your
mind. It’s your call, but don’t expect me to pay your bills if
you decide to surrender.”
–Professor Zen
——————————————
“You can walk as carefully as you want through a mine field; it
is still a mine field. But it’s also true that if you step up to
the plate worrying that you’re going to strike out, the odds are
that you’re going to strike out. Not doing a large ambitious
work because you’re convinced that Danger Lurks Around Every
Corner, the old ‘I might be dead this time next year,’ is a waste
of the Inner Radiance that found you. It’s like life insurance.
It’s betting against yourself. It’s blowing out your own flame
before someone beats you to it.”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“I think the more rational explanation is that the excision of a
five-to-six-foot leech from the surface of a human body means
that that body is going to have more of its own blood in its own
veins. Unless the leech finds another body, it is going to go
hungry.”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“These are ideas. I could say that they just came to me, but it
would be more accurate to say that I went to them. Ideas — and
new connections between ideas — lead you away from commonly held
perceptions of reality. Ideas lead you out here. Ideas lead you
into the darkness.”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“Once a profound truth has been seen, it cannot be ‘unseen’.
There’s no ‘going back’ to the person you were. Even if such a
possibility did exist… why would you want to?”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“The problem is maddening. The thing you seek is so close, you
feel you could reach out and touch it. You feel it is your
immutable destiny to do so. You have not come this far and at
such a cost merely to turn around and go back. There is a
solution. Of this you are certain. Now, no longer a game of
mass, a game of destiny, it has become, instead a contest of
wills. You focus on That Which You Seek as if your gaze alone
might bring it closer or narrow the distance between you. Just
as it feels as if your mind itself will explode from the
strain…”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“For the first time in your conscious memory; for the first time
in fact, since your were a baby; a single tear, full and warm,
rolled down your right cheek and you fell into a very deep and
entirely dreamless slumber…”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little
courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure men whom
timidity prevented from making a first effort.”
–Sydney Smith
——————————————
“All courage is a form of constancy. It is always himself that a
coward abandons first. After this all other betrayals come.”
–Cormac McCarthy
——————————————
“There is a theory of societal evolution that goes like this:
Barbarians invent a new culture. A middle class emerges to
manage and help perpetuate the culture. An aristocracy
eventually develops out of the middle class and devotes their
energies to making things comfortable for themselves. Finally, a
new set of barbarians smash everything apart and destroy the
status quo so that the process must start all over again.”
–Alan Cross
——————————————
“The secret of the world is this: the world is entirely circular
and you will go round and round endlessly, never finding what you
want, unless you have found what you really want inside yourself.
When you follow a star you know you will never reach that star;
rather it will guide you to where you want to go. It’s a
reference point, not an end in itself, even though you seem to be
following it. So it is with the world. It will only ever lead
you back to yourself. The end of all your exploring will be to
cease from exploration and know the place for the first time.”
–Jeanette Winterson
——————————————
“Reason transformed into prejudice is the worst form of
prejudice, because reason is the only instrument for liberation
from prejudice.”
–Allan Bloom
——————————————
“Reason sits firm and holds the reins, and she will not let the
feelings burst away and hurry her to wild chasms. The passions
may rage furiously, like true heathens, as they are; and the
desires may imagine all sorts of vain things: but judgement shall
still have the last word in every argument, and the casting vote
in every decision.”
–Charlotte Bronte
——————————————
“People are governed with the head; kindness of heart is little
use in chess.”
–Sebastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort
——————————————
“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable.
There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the
intellect.”
–Oscar Wilde
——————————————
“And that’s the real incentive, isn’t it? It’s not so much the
fact that you get to bask in their God’s love that’s the selling
point, it’s that you avoid damnation. Think of it like Coke
putting out an ad that says ‘Snapple causes muscle spasms, Pepsi
is infected with AIDS, and tap-water gives you cancer. So drink
Coke. Not only do we taste good, we’re the only alternative to
pain and suffering.’ It’s actually a pretty good marketing tool.
Humanity, by nature, is an ambivalent animal, given to fits of
inertia, and we’re more than likely to sit on our noncommittal
behinds unless there’s a bogeyman to chase us out of our chairs.”
–Greg Bulmash
——————————————
“No, life may not be easy, it can be lonely. Full of people we
think we know, but barely comprehend. Yet we must always
remember: it’s the challenges that define us best, and the
obstacles that illuminate what we’re truly capable of. We must
welcome adversity and embrace struggle, and no matter what we get
from life, never give less than 100 percent. Of course, at the
end of every battle weary day, we fold ourselves into peaceful
darkness and find comfort in those gentle words… good night.”
–from Profit
——————————————
“I’m pretty good at inventing phrases — you know, the sort of
words that suddenly make you jump, almost as though you’d sat on
a pin, they seem so new and exciting even though they’re about
something hypnopaedically obvious. But that doesn’t seem enough.
It’s not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make with
them ought to be good too.”
–Aldous Huxley
——————————————
“I’m thinking of a queer feeling I sometimes get, a feeling that
I’ve got something important to say and the power to say it —
only I don’t know what it is, and I can’t make any use of the
power.”
–Aldous Huxley
——————————————
“[They] like to pretend they live in a universe where there are
no facts, everything is a matter of opinion, and all opinions are
equally valid. And, of course, they do live in just such a
universe. Unfortunately, it exists entirely inside their own
poorly-stocked minds.”
–Dr. Rory Coker
——————————————
“The notion of saving the planet has nothing to do with
intellectual honesty or science. The fact is that the planet was
here long before us and will be here long after us. The planet
is running fine. What people are talking about is saving
themselves and saving their middle-class lifestyles and saving
their cash flow.”
–Lynn Margulis
——————————————
“Welcome to prekindergarten! You will not die if you discover
that there are more lines out there than just your own. In fact,
you’ll discover that you will have an advantage if you know more
of them!”
–Bernice Johnson Reagon
——————————————
“This means that people must somehow get free of this incredible
obsession — generated by governments and the economy and the
guilt around sex and pleasure — that they must become
workaholics. The workaholic fascination is an illusion and a
trap that people fall into without even realizing it. What’s
needed is more time for inner work, less time for television;
detachment from all the myths we’re steeped in; and the discovery
of a language that will create harmony between a man and a
woman.”
–Margo Anand
——————————————
“Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most
undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make
what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving
better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing.
Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.”
–Aldous Huxley
——————————————
“We’re like a real family. Opinionated, argumentative, holding
grudges, challenging each other. We challenge each other to be
better than we are. That kind of thing doesn’t happen at
barbecues, at ball games, it happens on the job we’re supposed to
do. On the case. Put down the murder. The work itself is the
most important thing. What we do is important. We speak for
those that can no longer speak for themselves. And you’re not
gonna ever find anything like that anywhere. Not in vice, and
not patrolling the grounds at Disneyland.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“When I tell any truth it is not for the sake of convincing those
who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those who do.”
–William Blake
——————————————
“There are truths which one can only say after having won the
right to say them.”
–Jean Cocteau
——————————————
“Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch life from the
sidelines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a
single day’s work, an achievement for eternity.”
–Gabriel Heatter
——————————————
“To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.”
–William Blake
——————————————
“Mock the devil, and he will flee from thee.”
–Bono
——————————————
“I have discovered that this world is harsh, cruel and nasty
enough without writing off entire classes of individuals on the
basis of their colour or national origin. There are enough
people in the world who can be judged on the basis of their
actions that we don’t need to judge others merely on the basis of
their colour or nationality.”
–Robert Chase
——————————————
“What [he] is apparently objecting to is that not everyone takes
his beliefs seriously. Indeed, some don’t seem to respect his
beliefs at all, and actually poke fun at them. Well, I have news
for [him]: that’s the nature of a free society. Opinions don’t
necessarily merit respect; they must earn respect in the
marketplace of ideas.”
–Jeffrey Shallit
——————————————
“[He] seems to want it both ways: the freedom to hold and
express beliefs, and immunity from criticism for those beliefs.
This is the kind of attitude that leads inexorably to
totalitarianism. It is to be decried, particularly in a
university environment where the search for truth necessitates
that no belief be treated as sacred or above scrutiny.”
–Jeffrey Shallit
——————————————
“I think it would be nice if you could include a greater slant to
the growing, happy side of your persona — it wouldn’t be too
hard to assume (as I erroneously did at first) that you were a
depression-racked, paranoid loony. Not so much from this issue,
but as a general pattern from earlier issues. I’ve learnt,
though. You’re not paranoid.”
–Julian Barton
——————————————
“If you follow me, I may lead you straight to hell, but if you
trust me, I will lead you back out again.”
–Francesco Pfauth
——————————————
“We ran out of new ideas somewhere around 1978, since then we’ve
been repeating ourselves. Same songs, same movies, same clothes,
even the same crimes. Like this Robie guy, no imagination. He’s
just part of the rhythm and the rhyme of all this repeating.
This is 1996, here comes the millennium. But people are nervous,
they’re on edge, they’re jumpy. This is supposed to be something
new. But we can’t look that in the face, can we? So what do we
do? We grab a little something from one year in the fifties and
a little of something else from some other year, maybe late
sixties. We think we’re creating something new and different,
but really, all we’re doing is just repeating the same old…
nothing. We’re all copycats.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent
people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of
honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to
appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world
a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a
redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
——————————————
“No one beneath you can offend you. No one your equal would.”
–Jan L. Wells
——————————————
“The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with
annoying bastards.”
–Alexander Jablokov
——————————————
“We’re here for a good time, not a long time
So have a good time, the sun can’t rise everyday.”
–Trooper
——————————————
“Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.”
–George Santayana
——————————————
“Ignorance is not bliss — it is oblivion.”
–Philip Wylie
——————————————
“An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.”
–Victor Hugo
——————————————
“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and
your belief will help you create the fact.”
–William James
——————————————
“Maybe it was mean, but I really don’t think so.
You asked for the truth and I told you.”
–Sinead O’Connor
——————————————
“What a wonderful day we’ve had. You have learned something and,
I have learned something. Too bad we didn’t learn it sooner. We
could have gone to the movies instead.”
–from Perfect Strangers
——————————————
“Minds are for people who think.”
–Madman Murdoch
——————————————
“Since a rational man’s ambition is unlimited, since his pursuit
and achievement of values is a lifelong process — and the higher
the values, the harder the struggle — he needs a moment, an hour
or some period of time in which he can experience the sense of
his completed task, the sense of living in a universe where his
values have been successfully achieved. It is like a moment of
rest, a moment to gain fuel to move farther.” (Anthem)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Many words have been granted me, and some are wise and some are
false, but only three are holy: ‘I will it!'” (Anthem)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I know not if this earth on which I stand is the core of the
universe or if it is but a speck of dust lost in eternity. I
know not and I care not. For I know what happiness is possible
to me on earth. And my happiness is not the means to any end.
It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose.”
(Anthem)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Neither am I the means to any end others may wish to accomplish.
I am not a tool for their use. I am not a servant of their
needs. I am not a bandage for their wounds. I am not a
sacrifice on their altars.” (Anthem)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I think one thing we went through was common to a lot of people:
You work your whole life to achieve something, then you achieve
it and find out that you still have good days and bad days. So
you start thinking, ‘Is that all there is?’ After a while you
calm down and get back to work.”
–Elliot Easton
——————————————
“If a man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he
isn’t fit to live.”
–Martin Luther King, Jr.
——————————————
“Who would fare better in this world of fitful time? Those who
have seen the future and live only one life? Or those who have
not seen the future and wait to live life? Or those who deny the
future and live two lives?”
–Alan Lightman
——————————————
“Most people have learned to live in the moment. The argument
goes that if the past has uncertain effect on the present, there
is no need to dwell on the past. And if the present has little
effect on the future, present actions need not be weighed for
their consequence. Rather, each act is an island in time, to be
judged on its own. … It is a world of impulse. It is a world
of sincerity. It is a world in which every word spoken speaks
just to that moment, every glance given has only one meaning.”
–Alan Lightman
——————————————
“Some make light of decisions, arguing that all possible
decisions will occur. In such a world, how could one be
responsible for his actions? Others hold that each decision must
be considered and committed to, that without commitment there is
chaos. Such people are content to live in contradictory worlds,
so long as they know the reason for each.”
–Alan Lightman
——————————————
“The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in
injustice and tragedy.”
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of
respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one
family grow up under the same roof.”
–Richard Bach
——————————————
“We believed — and I personally still believe — that the so
called Voice of God narration, ubiquitous in documentaries
destined for PBS, is insulting to the audience. If you believe
in the intelligence of your audience, you don’t need to tell them
what to think and how to process the material they’re seeing.”
–Jayne Loader
——————————————
“I was accused of every monstrous vice by public rumour and
private rancour; my name, which had been a knightly or noble one,
was tainted. I felt that, if what was whispered, and muttered,
and murmured, was true, I was unfit for England; if false,
England was unfit for me.”
–Lord Byron
——————————————
“When indignation takes possession of his mind — and it is
easily excited — his disposition becomes malevolent. He hates
with the bitterest contempt. But as soon as he has indulged
those feelings, he regains the humanity which he had lost — from
the immediate impulse of provocation — and repents deeply. So
that his mind is continually making the most sudden transitions –
– from good to evil, from evil to good. A state of such
perpetual tumult must be attended with the misery of restless
inconsistency. He laments his want of tranquillity and speaks of
the power of application to composing studies, as a blessing
placed beyond his attainment, which he regrets.”
–Annabella Milbanke
——————————————
“You sit around watching all this stuff happen on TV… and the
TV sits and watches us do nothing! The TV must think we’re all
pretty lame.”
–Shannon Wheeler
——————————————
“I can never get people to understand that poetry is the
expression of excited passion, and that there is no such thing as
a life of passion any more than a continuous earthquake, or and
eternal fever. Besides, who would ever shave themselves in such
a state?”
–Lord Byron
——————————————
“Poetry, even that of the loftiest, and seemingly, that of the
wildest odes, [has] a logic of its own as severe as that of
science; and more difficult, because more subtle, more complex,
and dependent on more and more fugitive causes. In the truly
great poets… there is a reason assignable, not only for every
word, but for the position of every word.”
–Samuel Taylor Coleridge
——————————————
“[His mind] was like a volcano, full of fire and wealth,
sometimes calm, often dazzling and playful, but ever threatening.
It ran swift as the lightning from one subject to another, and
occasionally burst forth in passionate throes of intellect,
nearly allied to madness.”
–Lady Blessington
——————————————
“They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape
those who dream only by night. In their grey visions they obtain
glimpses of eternity…”
–Edgar Allan Poe
——————————————
“I see at last that all the knowledge
I wrung from the darkness — that darkness flung me —
Is worthless as ignorance: nothing comes from nothing
The darkness from the darkness. Pain comes from the darkness
And we call it wisdom. It is pain.”
–Randall Jarrell
——————————————
“Is getting well ever an art, or art a way to get well?”
—-Robert Lowell
——————————————
“Writing is a form of therapy. Sometimes I wonder how all those
who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the
madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in the
human situation.”
–Graham Greene
——————————————
“… You don’t like my ‘restless’ doctrines — I should be very
sorry if you did — but I can’t stagnate nevertheless — if I
must said let it be on the ocean no matter how stormy — anything
but a dull cruise on a level lake without ever losing sight of
the same insipid shores by which it is surrounded.”
–Lord Byron
——————————————
“I had hit a critical period in my life, where I changed very
much as a person. I consider the person I used to be, dead, and
I’m glad that he is. Insecure, frightened, confused, much like a
lot of people I know today.”
–Peter Steele
——————————————
“I always think the same thing when I read about someone
committing suicide. I think, ‘There, but for the grace of God,
go I.’ I think, ‘There’s only a twist of Fate between me and
them.’ I think, ‘It could have been me.’ I think, ‘I hope that
I can give someone else a reason to live through today so that he
or she will give me a reason to live through tomorrow.'”
–Dahven White
——————————————
“Opinion is a denial of truth. For if each man is entitled to
his own opinion then there can be nothing which is false,
consequently there can be nothing which is true.”
–Andrew Juric
——————————————
“Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret
weapon. A happiness weapon. A Beauty Bomb. And every time a
crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in
the air — explode softly — and send thousands, millions, of
little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth — boxes
of Crayolas. And we wouldn’t go cheap, either — not little
boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built
right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and
lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile
and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world
with imagination.”
–Robert Fulghum
——————————————
“Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize
it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our
eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny,
denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What
seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy,
and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a
golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.”
–Henry Miller
——————————————
“The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life
when he resigns momentarily from the herd and thinks for
himself.”
–Archibald MacLeish
——————————————
“It is remarkable how much mediocrity we live with, surrounding
ourselves with daily reminders that the average is acceptable.
Our world suffers from terminal normality. Take a moment to
assess all of the things around you that promote your being
‘average’. These are the things that keep you powerless to go
beyond a ‘limit’ you arbitrarily set for yourself. The first
step to having what your really want is the removal of everything
in your environment that represents mediocrity, removing those
things that are limiting. One way is to surround yourself with
friends who ask more of you than you do.”
–Stewart Emery
——————————————
“I am speaking to those among you who have retained some
sovereign shred of their soul, unsold and unstamped: ‘– to the
order of others’. If, in the chaos of the motives that have made
you listen to the radio tonight, there was an honest, rational
desire to learn what is wrong with the world, you are the man
whom I wished to address. By the rules and terms of my code, one
owes a rational statement to those whom it does concern and who
are making an effort to know. Those who are making an effort to
fail to understand me, are not a concern of mine.” (Atlas 981)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Just as I support my life, neither by robbery nor alms, but by
my own effort, so I do not seek to derive my happiness from the
injury or the favour others of , but earn it by my own
achievement. Just as I do not consider the pleasure of others as
the goal of my life, so I do not consider my pleasure as the goal
of the lives of others. Just as there are no contradictions in
my values and no conflicts among my desires — so there are no
victims and no conflicts of interest among rational men, men who
do not desire the unearned and do not view one another with a
cannibal’s lust, men who neither make sacrifice nor accept them.”
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Honesty is the recognition of the fact that the unreal is unreal
and can have no value, that neither love nor fame nor cash is a
value if obtained by fraud — that an attempt to gain a value by
deceiving the mind of others is an act of raising your victims to
a position higher than reality, where you become a pawn of their
blindness, a slave of their non-thinking and their evasions,
while their intelligence, their rationality, their perceptiveness
become the enemies you have to dread and flee — that you do not
care to live as a dependent, least of all a dependent on the
stupidity of others, or as a fool whose source of values is the
fools he succeeds in fooling — that honesty is not a social
duty, not a sacrifice for the sake of others, but the most
profoundly selfish virtue man can practice: his refusal to
sacrifice the reality of his own existence to the deluded
consciousness of others.” (Atlas 937)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“My morality, the morality of reason, is contained in a single
axiom: existence exists — and in a single choice: to live.
The rest proceeds from these. To live, man must hold three
things as the supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason —
Purpose — Self-esteem. Reason, as his only tool of knowledge —
Purpose, as his choice of the happiness which that tool must
proceed to achieve — Self-esteem, as his inviolate certainty
that his mind is competent to think and his person is worth of
happiness, which means: is worthy of living. These three values
imply and require all of man’s virtues, and all his virtues
pertain to the relation of existence and consciousness:
rationality, independence, integrity, honesty, justice,
productiveness, pride.” (Atlas 936)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“You who prattle that morality is social and that man would need
no morality on a desert island — it is on a desert island that
he would need it most. Let him try to claim, when there are no
victims to pay for it, that a rock is a house, that sand is
clothing, that food will drop into his mouth without cause or
effort, that he will collect a harvest tomorrow by devouring his
stock seed today — and reality will wipe him out, as he
deserves; reality will show him that life is a value to be bought
and that thinking is the only coin noble enough to buy it.”
(Atlas 936)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“A rational process is a moral process. You may make an error at
any step of it, with nothing to protect you but your own
severity, or you may try to cheat, to fake the evidence and evade
the effort of the quest — but if devotion to the truth is the
hallmark of morality, then there is no greater, nobler, more
heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the
responsibility of thinking.” (Atlas 935)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“No matter how vast your knowledge or how modest, it is your own
mind that has to acquire it. It is only with your own knowledge
that you can deal. It is only your own knowledge that you can
claim to possess or ask others to consider. Your mind is your
only judge of truth — and if others dissent from your verdict,
reality is the court of final appeal. Nothing but a man’s mind
can perform that complex, delicate, crucial process of
identification which is thinking. Nothing can direct the process
but his own judgement. Nothing can direct his judgement but his
moral integrity.” (Atlas 935)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“But neither life nor happiness can be achieved by the pursuit of
irrational whims. Just as man is free to attempt to survive in
any random manner, but will perish unless he lives as his nature
requires, so he is free to seek his happiness in any mindless
fraud, but the torture of frustration is all he will find, unless
he seeks the happiness proper to man. The purpose of morality is
to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and
live.” (Atlas 932)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those
who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed
that it belongs to your neighbours — between those who preached
that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven
and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the
sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your
life belongs to you and that the good is to live it.” (Atlas
930)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“The lust that drives others to enslave an empire, had become, in
her limits, a passion for power over him. She had set out to
break him, as if, unable to equal his value, she could surpass it
by destroying it, as if the measure of his greatness would thus
become the measure of hers, as if the vandal who smashed a statue
were greater than the artist who had made it, as if the murderer
who killed a child were greater than the mother who had given it
birth.”
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“It’s not that I don’t suffer, it’s that I know the unimportance
of suffering, I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside,
not to be accepted as part of one’s soul and as a permanent scar
across one’s view of existence. Don’t feel sorry for me. It was
gone right then.” (Atlas 883)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Yes… Yes, I feel that there’s no chance for me to exist, if
they do… no chance, no room, no world I can cope with… I
don’t want to feel it, I keep pushing it back, but it’s coming
closer and I know I have no place to run… I can’t explain what
it feels like, I can’t catch hold of it — and that’s path of the
terror, that you can’t catch hold of anything — it’s as if the
whole world were suddenly destroyed, but not by an explosion —
an explosion is something hard and solid — but destroyed by …
by some horrible kind of softening … as if nothing were solid,
nothing held any shape at all, and you could poke your finger
through stone walls and the stone would give, like jelly, and
mountains would slither, and buildings would switch their shapes
like clouds — and that would be the end of the world, not fire
and brimstone, but goo.” (Atlas 819)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Whenever anyone accuses some person of being ‘unfeeling,’ he
means that that person is just. He means that that person has no
causeless emotions and will not grant him a feeling which he does
not deserve. He means that ‘to feel’ is to go against reason,
against moral values, against reality.” (Atlas 818)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“My pride and my power of vision were all that I owned when I
started — and whatever I achieved, was achieved by means of
them. Both are greater now. Now I have the knowledge of the
superlative value I had missed: of my right to be proud of my
vision. The rest is mine to reach.” (Atlas 793)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Everything matters!”
–from S.F.W.
——————————————
“You’ll come back, because yours is an error of knowledge, not a
moral failure, not an act of surrender to evil, but only the last
act of being victim to your own virtue. We’ll wait for you and
when you come back, you will have discovered that there need
never be any conflict among your desires, nor so tragic a clash
of values as the one you’ve borne so well.” (Atlas 744)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“If you want to know the one reason that’s taking me back, I’ll
tell you: I cannot bring myself to abandon to destruction all
the greatness of the world, all that which was mine and yours,
which was made by us and is still ours by right — because I
cannot believe that men refuse to see, that they can remain blind
and deaf to us forever, when the truth is ours and their lives
depend on accepting it. … So long as men desire to live, I
cannot lose my battle.” (Atlas 744)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Don’t consider our interests or desires. You have no duty to
anyone but yourself.” (Atlas 740)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Don’t rely on our knowledge of what’s best for your future. We
do know, but it can’t be best until you know it.” (Atlas 740)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Consider the reasons which make us certain that we are right,
but not the fact that we are certain. If you are not convinced,
ignore our certainty. Don’t be tempted to substitute our
judgement for your own.” (Atlas 740)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“If any part of your uncertainty, is a conflict between your
heart and your mind — follow your mind.” (Atlas 740)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Did it ever occur to you, that there is no conflict of interests
among men, neither in business nor in trade nor in their most
personal desires — if they omit the irrational from their view
of the possible and destruction from their view of the practical?
There is no conflict, and no call for sacrifice, and no man is a
threat to the aims of another — if men understand that reality
is an absolute not to be faked, that lies do not work, that the
unearned cannot be had, that the undeserved cannot be given, that
the destruction of a value which is, will not bring value to that
which isn’t.” (Atlas 736)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power
to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice. If he
abdicates his power, he abdicates the status of man, and the
grinding chaos of the irrational is what he achieves as his
sphere of existence — by his own choice.” (Atlas 729)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I want you to observe, that those who cry the loudest about
their disillusionment, about the failure of virtue, the futility
of reason, the impotence of logic — are those who have achieved
the full, exact, logical result of the ideas they preached, so
mercilessly logical that they dare not identify it. In a world
that proclaims the non-existence of the mind, the moral
righteousness of rule by brute force, the penalizing of the
competent in favour of the incompetent, the sacrifice of the best
to the worst — in such a world, the best have to turn against
society and have to become it’s deadliest enemies.” (Atlas 729)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“What I want you to understand, is the full evil of those who
claim to have become convinced that this earth, by its nature, is
a realm of malevolence where the good has no chance to win. Let
them check their premises. Let them check their standards of
value. Let them check — before they grant themselves the
unspeakable license of evil-as-necessity — whether they know
what is the good and what are the conditions it requires.”
(Atlas 729)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I sat there beside him till morning — and as I watched his face
in the starlight, then the first ray of the sun on his untroubled
forehead and closed eyelids, what I experienced was not a prayer,
I do not pray, but that state of spirit at which a prayer is a
misguided attempt: a full, confident, affirming self-dedication
to my love of the right, to the certainty that the right would
win and that this boy would have the kind of future he deserved.
… I did not expect it to be as great as this — or as hard.”
(Atlas 727)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“She can live through it, because we do not hold the belief that
this earth is a realm of misery where man is doomed to
destruction. We do not think that tragedy is our natural fate
and we do not live in chronic dread of disaster. We do not
expect disaster until we have specific reason to expect it — and
when we encounter it, we are free to fight it. It is not
happiness, but suffering that we consider unnatural. It is not
success, but calamity that we regard as the abnormal exception in
human life.” (Atlas 700)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Why should this seem so startling? There is only one kind of
men who have never been on strike in human history. Every other
kind and class have stopped, when they so wished, and have
presented demands to the world, claiming to be indispensable —
except the men who have carried the world on their shoulders,
have kept it alive, have endured torture as sole payment, but
have never walked out on the human race. Well, their turn has
come. Let the world discover who they are, what they do and what
happens when they refuse to function. This is the strike of the
men of the mind. This is the mind on strike.” (Atlas 681)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“God help us, ma’am! Do you see what we saw? We saw that we’d
been given a law to live by, a moral law, they called it, which
punished those who observed it — for observing it. The more you
tried to live up to it, the more you suffered; the more you
cheated it, the bigger reward you got. Your honesty was like a
tool left at the mercy of the next man’s dishonesty. The honest
ones paid, the dishonest collected. The honest lost, the
dishonest won. How long could men stay good under this sort of a
law of goodness?” (Atlas 613)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“A painting is never finished — it simply stops in interesting
places.”
–Paul Gardner
——————————————
“I wish I could take language
And fold it like cool, moist rags.
I would lay words on your forehead.
I would wrap words on your wrists.
‘There, there,’ my words would say —
Or something better.
I would ask them to murmur,
‘Hush’ and ‘Shh, shhh, it’s all right.’
I would ask them to hold you all night.
I wish I could take language
And daub and soothe and cool
Where fever blisters and burns,
Where fever turns yourself against you.
I wish I could take language
And heal the words that were the wounds
You have no names for.”
–Julia Cameron
——————————————
“Growth is a spiral process, doubling back on itself, reassessing
and regrouping.”
–Julia Cameron
——————————————
“One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight
of the shore for a very long time.”
–Andr� Gide
——————————————
“The clock is ticking and you’re hearing the beat. You stop by a
museum shop, sign your name on a scuba-diving sheet, and commit
yourself to Saturday mornings in the deep end. You’re either
losing your mind — or gaining your soul. Life is meant to be an
artist date. That’s why we were created.”
–Julia Cameron
——————————————
“I finally realized that it wasn’t Starfleet that I was trying to
get away from. I was trying to escape the pain I felt, after my
wife’s death. I thought I could take the uniform, wrap it around
the pain and toss them both away. But it doesn’t work like that.
Running may help for a little while, but sooner or later the pain
catches up with you, and the only way to get rid of it is to
stand your ground.”
–from Deep Space Nine
——————————————
“It is said that [Robin Hood] fought against the looting rulers
and returned the loot to those who had been robbed, but that is
not the meaning of the legend which has survived. He is
remembered, not as a champion of property, but as a champion of
need, not as a defender of the robbed, but as a provider of the
poor. He is held to be the first man who assumed a halo of
virtue by practising charity with wealth which he did not own, by
giving away goods which he had not produced, by making others pay
for the luxury of his pity. He is the man who became the symbol
of the idea that need, not achievement, is the source of rights,
that we don’t have to produce, only to want, that the earned does
not belong to us, but the unearned does. He became a
justification for every mediocrity who, unable to make his own
living, had demanded the power to dispose of the property of his
betters, by proclaiming his willingness to devote his life to his
inferiors at the price of robbing his superiors.” (Atlas 534)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“John Galt is Prometheus who changed his mind. After centuries
of being torn by vultures in payment for having brought to men
the fire of the gods, he broke his chains and he withdrew his
fire — until the day when men withdraw their vultures.” (Atlas
480)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“[He] stood motionless, not turning to the crowd, barely hearing
the applause. He stood looking at the judges. There was no
triumph in his face, no elation, only the still intensity of
contemplating a vision with a bitter wonder that was almost fear.
He was seeing the enormity of the smallness of the enemy who was
destroying the devastation, past the ruins of great factories,
the wrecks of powerful engines, the bodies of invincible men, he
had come upon the despoiler, expecting to find a giant — and had
found a rat eager to scurry for cover at the first sound of a
human step. If this is what has beaten us, he thought, the guilt
is ours.” (Atlas 449)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I could say to you that I have done more good for my fellow man
than you can ever hope to accomplish — but I will not say it,
because I do not seek the good of others as a sanction for my
right to exist, nor do I recognize the good of others as a
justification for their seizure of my property or their
destruction of my life. I will not say that the good of others
was the purpose of my work — my own good was my purpose, and I
despise the man who surrenders his. I could say to you that you
do not serve the public good — that nobody’s good can be
achieved at the price of human sacrifices — that when you
violate the rights of one man, you have violated the rights of
all, and a public of rightless creatures is doomed to
destruction. I could say that you that you will and can achieve
nothing but universal devastation — as any looter must, when he
runs out of victims. I could say it, but I won’t. It is not
your particular policy that I challenge, but your moral premise.”
(Atlas 447)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I am rich and proud of every penny I own. I made my money by my
own effort, in free exchange and through the voluntary consent of
every man I dealt with — the voluntary consent of those who
employed me when I started, the voluntary consent of those who
work for me now, the voluntary consent of those who buy my
product. I shall answer all the questions you are afraid to ask
me openly. Do I wish to pay my workers more than their services
are worth to me? I do not. Do I wish to sell my product for
less than my customers are willing to pay me? I do not. Do I
wish to sell it at a loss or give it away? I do not. If this is
evil, do whatever you please about me, according to whatever
standards you hold. These are mine. I am earning my own living,
as every honest man must. I refuse to accept as guilt the fact
of my own existence and the fact that I must work in order to
support it. I refuse to accept as guilt the fact that I am able
to do it and do it well. I refuse to accept as guilt the fact
that I am able to do it better than most people — the fact that
my work is of greater value than the work of my neighbours and
that more men are willing to pay me. I refuse to apologize for
my ability — I refuse to apologize for my success — I refuse to
apologize for my money.” (Atlas 446-7)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Did you ask me to name man’s motive power? Man’s motive power
is his moral code. Ask yourself where their code is leading you
and what it offers you as your final goal. A viler evil than to
murder a man, is to sell him suicide as an act of virtue. A
viler evil than to throw a man into a sacrificial furnace, is to
demand that he leap in, of his own will, and that he build the
furnace, besides. By their own statement, it is they who need
you and have nothing to offer you in return. By their own
statement, you must support them because they cannot survive
without you. Consider the obscenity of offering their impotence
and their need — their need of you — as a justification for
your torture. Are you willing to accept it? Do you care to
purchase — at the price of your great endurance, at the price of
you agony — the satisfaction of the needs of your own
destroyers?” (Atlas 423-4)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“All your life, you have heard yourself denounced; not for your
faults, but for your greatest virtues. You have been hated, not
for your mistakes, but for your achievements. You have been
scorned for all those qualities of character which are your
highest pride. You have been called selfish for the courage of
acting on your own judgement and bearing sole responsibility for
your own life. You have been called arrogant for your
independent mind. You have been called cruel for your unyielding
integrity. You have been called anti-social for the vision that
made you venture upon undiscovered roads. You have been called
ruthless for the strength and self-discipline of your drive to
your purpose. You have been called greedy for the magnificence
of your power to create wealth. You, who’ve expended an
inconceivable flow of energy, have been called a parasite. You,
who’ve created abundance where there had been nothing but
wastelands and helpless, starving men before you, have been
called a robber. You, who’ve kept them all alive, have been
called an exploiter. You, the purest and most moral man among
them, have been sneered at as a ‘vulgar materialist.’ Have you
stopped to ask them: by what right? — by what code? — by what
standard?” (Atlas 422-3)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Did you really think that we wanted those laws to be observed?
… We want them broken. You’d better get it straight that it’s
not a bunch of boy scouts you’re up against — then you’ll know
that this is not the age for beautiful gestures. We’re after
power and we mean it. You fellows were pikers, but we know the
real trick, and you’d better get wise to it. There’s no way to
rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the
power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough
criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a
crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking
laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What’s there
in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can
neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted —
and you create a nation of law-breakers — and then you case in
on guilt. Now that’s the system, that’s the game, and once you
understand it, you’ll be much easier to deal with.” (Atlas 406)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“That woman and all those like her keep evading the thoughts
which they know to be good. You keep pushing out of your mind
the thoughts which you believe to be evil. They do it, because
they want to avoid effort. You do it, because you won’t permit
yourself to consider anything that would spare you. They indulge
their emotions at any cost. You sacrifice your emotions as the
first cost of any problem. They are willing to bear nothing.
You are willing to bear anything. They keep evading
responsibility. You keep assuming it. But don’t you see that
the essential error is the same? Any refusal to recognize
reality, for any reason whatever, has disastrous consequences.
There are no evil thoughts except one: the refusal to think.
Don’t ignore your own desires. Don’t sacrifice them. Examine
their cause. There is a limit to how much you should have to
bear.” (Atlas 389)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Or did you say it’s the love of money that’s the root of all
evil? To love a thing is to know its nature. To love money is
to known and love the fact that money is the creation of the best
power within you, and your passkey to trade your effort for the
effort of the best among men. It’s the person who would sell his
soul for a nickel, who is loudest in proclaiming his hatred of
money — and he has good reason to hate it. The lovers of money
are willing to work for it. They know they are able to deserve
it.” (Atlas 384)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Money is your means of survival. The verdict you pronounce upon
the source of your livelihood is the verdict you pronounce upon
your life. If the source is corrupt, you have damned your own
existence. Did you get your money by fraud? By pandering to
men’s vices or men’s stupidity? By catering to fools, in the
hope of getting more than your ability deserves? By lowering
your standards? By doing work you despise for purchasers your
scorn? If so, then your money will not give you a moment’s or a
penny’s worth of joy. Then all the things you buy will become,
not a tribute to you, but a reproach; not an achievement, but a
reminder of shame. Then you’ll scream that money is evil. Evil,
because it would not pinch-hit for your self-respect? Evil,
because it would not let you enjoy your depravity? Is this the
root of your hatred of money?” (Atlas 384)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Only the man who does not need it, is fit to inherit wealth —
the man who would make his own fortune no matter where he
started. If an heir is equal to his money, it serves him; if
not, it destroys him. But you look on and you cry that money
corrupted him. Did it? Or did he corrupt his money? Do not
envy a worthless heir; his wealth is not yours and you would have
done no better with it. Do not think that it should have been
distributed among you; loading the world with fifty parasites
instead of one, would not bring back the dead virtue which was
the fortune. Money is a living power that dies without its root.
Money will not serve the mind that cannot match it. Is this the
reason why you call it evil?” (Atlas 384)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“But you say that money is made by the strong at the expense of
the weak? What strength do you mean? It is not the strength of
guns or muscles. Wealth is the product of man’s capacity to
think. Then is money made by the mad who invents a motor at the
expense of those who did not invent it? Is money made by the
intelligent at the expense of the fools? By the able at the
expense of the incompetent? By the ambitious at the expense of
the lazy? Money is made — before it can be looted or mooched —
made by the effort of every honest man, each to the extent of his
ability. An honest man is one who knows that he can’t consume
more than he has produced.” (Atlas 383)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I think it’s funny. There was a time when men were afraid that
somebody would reveal some secret of theirs that was unknown to
their fellows. Nowadays, they’re afraid that somebody will name
what everybody knows. Have you practical people ever though that
that’s all it would take to blast your whole, big, complex
structure, with all your laws and guns — just somebody naming
the exact nature of what you’re doing?” (Atlas 379)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“No longer conscious of my movement, I discovered a new unity
with nature. I had found a new source of power and beauty, a
source I never dreamt existed.”
–Roger Bannister
——————————————
“What moves men of genius, or rather what inspires their work, is
not new ideas, but their obsession with the idea that what has
already been said is still not enough.”
–Eug穫e Delacroix
——————————————
“It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything
but the best, you very often get it.”
–W. Somerset Maugham
——————————————
“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is
enlightened.”
–Lao-tzu
——————————————
“Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter
do good things.”
–Edgar Degas
——————————————
“The unconscious wants truth. It ceases to speak to those who
want something else more than truth.”
–Adrienne Rich
——————————————
“Truly, it is in the darkness that one finds the light, so when
we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us.”
–Meister Eckhart
——————————————
“Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.”
–Jalal ud-Din Rumi
——————————————
“When we are really honest with ourselves we must admit our lives
are all that really belong to us. So it is how we use our lives
that determines the kind of men we are.”
–Cesar Chavez
——————————————
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
–Albert Einstein
——————————————
“Who was it that said he needed a fulcrum? Give me an
unobstructed right-of-way and I’ll show them how to move the
earth!” (Atlas 234)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“The men of the press, who despised their own profession, did not
know why they were enjoying it today. One of them, a young man
with years of notorious success behind him and a cynical look of
twice his age, said suddenly, ‘I know what I’d like to be: I
wish I could be a man who covers news!'” (Atlas 223)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“She looked at the crowd and she felt, simultaneously,
astonishment that they should stare at her, when this event was
so personally her own that no communication about it was
possible, and a sense of fitness that they should be here, that
they should want to see it, because the sight of an achievement
was the greatest gift a human being could offer to others.”
(Atlas 222)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“… there’s nothing of any importance in life — except how well
you do your work. Nothing. Only that. Whatever else you are,
will come from that. It’s the only measure of human value. All
the codes of ethics they’ll try to ram down your throat are just
so much paper money put out by swindlers to fleece people of
their virtues. The code of competence is the only system of
morality that’s on a gold standard.” (Atlas 98)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“[What for] was the first question he asked about any activity
proposed to him — and nothing would make him act, if he found no
valid answer. He flew through the days of his summer month like
a rocket, but if one stopped him in midflight, he could always
name the purpose of his every random moment. Two things were
impossible to him: to stand still or to move aimlessly.” (Atlas
92-3)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“Francisco could do anything he undertook, he could do it better
than anyone else, and he did it without effort. There was no
boasting in his manner and consciousness, no thought of
comparison. His attitude was not: ‘I can do it better than
you,’ but simply: ‘I can do it.’ What he meant by doing was
doing superlatively.” (Atlas 92)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“If that’s the price of getting together, then I’ll be damned if
I want to live on the same earth with any human beings! If the
rest of them can survive only be destroying us, then why should
we wish them to survive? Nothing can make self-immolation
proper. Nothing can give them the right to turn men into
sacrificial animals. Nothing can make it moral to destroy the
best. One can’t be punished for being good. One can’t be
penalized for ability. If that is right, then we’d better start
slaughtering one another, because there isn’t any right at all in
the world!” (Atlas 79)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“It was his Fourth Concerto, the last work he had written. The
crash of its opening chords swept the sights of the streets away
from her mind. The Concerto was a great cry of rebellion. It
was a ‘NO’ flung at some vast process of torture, a denial of
suffering, a denial that held the agony of the struggle to break
free. The sounds were like a voice saying: There is no
necessity for pain — why, then, is the worst pain reserved for
those who will not accept its necessity? — we who hold the love
and the secret of joy, to what punishment have we been sentenced
for it, and by whom? … The sounds of torture became defiance,
the statement of agony became a hymn to a distant vision for
whose sake anything was worth enduring, even this. It was the
song of rebellion — and of a desperate quest.” (Atlas 69)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“I don’t know. But I’ve watched them here for twenty years and
I’ve seen the change. They used to rush through here, and it was
wonderful to watch, it was the hurry of men who knew where they
were going and were eager to get there. Now they’re hurrying
because they are afraid. It’s not a purpose that drives them,
it’s fear. They’re not going anywhere, they’re escaping. And I
don’t think they know what it is that they want to escape. They
don’t look at one another. They jerk when brushed against. They
smile too much, but it’s an ugly kind of smiling: it’s not joy,
it’s pleading. I don’t know what it is that’s happening to the
world.” (Atlas 64)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“The adversary she found herself forced to fight was not worth
matching or beating; it was not a superior ability which she
would have found honour in challenging; it was ineptitude — a
grey spread of cotton that seemed soft and shapeless, that could
offer no resistance to anything or anybody, yet managed to be a
barrier in her way. She stood, disarmed, before the riddle of
what made this possible, she could find no answer.” (Atlas 55-6)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“What did they seek from him? What were they after? He had
never asked anything of them; it was they who wished to hold him,
they who pressed a claim on him — and the seemed to have the
form of affection, but it was a form which he found harder to
endure than any sort of hatred. He despised causeless affection,
just as he despised unearned wealth. They professed to love him
for some unknown reason and they ignored all the things for which
he could wish to be loved. He wondered what response they could
hope to obtain from him in such manner — if his response was
what they wanted. And it was, he though; else why those constant
complaints, those unceasing accusations about his indifference?
Why that chronic air of suspicion, as if they were waiting to be
hurt? He had never had a desire to hurt them, but he had always
felt their defensive, reproachful expectation; they seemed
wounded by anything he said, it was not a matter of his words or
actions, it was almost… almost as if they were wounded by the
mere fact of his being. Don’t start imagining the insane — he
told himself severely, struggling to face the riddle with the
strictest of his ruthless sense of justice. He could not condemn
them without understanding; and he could not understand.” (Atlas
42-3)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“You’re not sorry. You could’ve been here if you made the
effort. But when did you ever make an effort for anybody but
yourself? You’re not interested in any of us or in anything we
do. You think if you pay the bills, that’s enough, don’t you?
Money! That’s all you know. And all you give us is money. Have
you even given us any time?” (Atlas Shrugged 40)
–Ayn Rand
——————————————
“No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are
made. Destiny is made known silently.”
–Agnes de Mille
——————————————
“The world of reality has its limits; the world of imagination is
boundless.”
–Jean-Jacques Rousseau
——————————————
“To the rationally minded the mental processes of the intuitive
appear to work backwards.”
–Frances Wickes
——————————————
“Taking a new step, uttering a new word is what people fear
most.”
–Fyodor Dostoyevski
——————————————
“I’ve noticed that a lot of people consider ‘finding yourself’ to
be a really frivolous and unproductive study. I’m not sure why.
Everything important in life really seems to get down-played so
children can be encouraged to join the rat race and make as much
money as possible, instead of being told that they should be
happy first.”
–Sanjay Singh
——————————————
“The problem with keeping up with the Jones’ is that it creates a
world full of Jones’.”
–Julian Barton
——————————————
“… whether your name is Gehrig, or Ripken, DiMaggio, or
Robinson, or that of some youngster who picks up his bat or puts
on his glove, you are challenged by the game of baseball to do
your very best, day in and day out, and that’s all I’ve ever
tried to do.”
–Cal Ripken Jr.
——————————————
“Trust in yourself. Your perceptions are often far more accurate
than you are willing to believe.”
–Claudia Black
——————————————
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the
stars.”
–Les Brown
——————————————
“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or
how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The
artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we
take leap after leap in the dark.”
–Agnes de Mille
——————————————
“I feel drunk but I’m sober
I’m young and I’m underpaid
I’m tired but I’m working, yeah.
I care but I’m restless
I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m wrong and I’m sorry, baby.
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright.”
–Alanis Morissette
——————————————
“So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet
to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your
freedom, and you’re telling me you’re completely sane?”
–from Red Dwarf
——————————————
“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of
the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do
will ever be good enough — that we should try harder.”
–Julia Cameron
——————————————
“When an actor is in the moment, he or she is engaged in
listening for the next right thing creatively. When a painter is
painting, he or she may begin with a plan, but that plan is soon
surrendered to the painting’s own plan. This is often expressed
as ‘The brush takes the next stroke.’ In dance, in composition,
in sculpture, the experience is the same: we are more the
conduit than the creator of what we express.”
–Julia Cameron
——————————————
“Happiness is based on a just discrimination of what is
necessary, what is neither necessary nor destructive, and what is
destructive. In the middle category, however — that of the
unnecessary but undestructive, that of comfort, luxury,
exuberance, etc.”
–Ursula K. LeGuin
——————————————
“They did not use swords, or keep slaves. They were not
barbarians. I do not know the rules and laws of their society,
but I suspect that they were singularly few. As they did without
monarchy and slavery, so they also got on without the stock
exchange, the advertisement, the secret police, and the bomb.
Yet I repeat that these were not simple folk, not dulcet
shepherds, noble savages, bland utopians. They were not less
complex than us. The trouble is that we have a bad habit,
encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness
as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil
interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to
admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If
you can’t lick ’em, join ’em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to
praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to
lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold, we can
no longer describe a happy man, nor make any celebration of joy.
How can I tell you about the people of Omelas? They were not
naive and happy children — though their children were, in fact
happy. They were mature, intelligent, passionate adults whose
lives were not wretched.”
–Ursula K. LeGuin
——————————————
“Il a mis le caf�
Dans la tasse
Il a mis le lait
Dans la tasse de caf�
Il a mis le sucre
Dans le caf� au lait
Avec la petite cuiller
Il a tourn�
Il a bu le caf� au lait
Et il a repos� la tasse
Sans me parler.”
[He put the coffee in the cup. He put the milk in the cup of
coffee. He put the sugar in the white coffee, with the tea-
spoon, he stirred. He drank the white coffee and he put the cup
down. Without speaking to me.]
–Jacques PrWert
——————————————
“Leap, and the net will appear.”
–Julia Cameron
——————————————
“Always leave enough time in your life to do something that makes
you happy, satisfied, even joyous. That has more of an effect on
economic well-being than any other single factor.”
–Paul Hawken
——————————————
“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to
have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they
want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is
the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what
you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
–Margaret Young
——————————————
“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it
is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”
–Seneca
——————————————
“Eliminate something superfluous from your life. Break a habit.
Do something that makes you feel insecure.”
–Piero Ferrucci
——————————————
“Each painting has its own way of evolving… When the painting
is finished, the subject reveals itself.”
–William Baziotes
——————————————
“Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible
thing: no one to blame.”
–Erica Jong
——————————————
“I have made my world and it is a much better world than I ever
saw outside.”
–Louise Nevelson
——————————————
“We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we
stop trying to conform to our own or to other people’s models,
learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channel to open.”
–Shakti Gawain
——————————————
“A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind.”
–Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
——————————————
“The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf.”
–Shakti Gawain
——————————————
“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know
that everything in this life has a purpose.”
–Elisabeth K|ler-Ross
——————————————
“All sanity depends on this: that it should be a delight to feel
heat strike the skin, a delight to stand upright, knowing the
bones are moving easily under the flesh.”
–Doris Lessing
——————————————
“Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and
whispers, ‘grow, grow.'”
–The Talmud
——————————————
“I am often mad, but I would hate to be nothing but mad: and I
think I would lose what little value I may have as a writer if I
were to refuse, as a matter of principle, to accept the warming
rays of the sun, and to report them, whenever, and if ever, they
happen to strike me.”
–E. B. White
——————————————
“I was always matching wits with authority. Pondering over my
past and present hassles, I began to wonder why my life had taken
the direction it had. What cosmic forces had led me to this
precise moment that saw me, once again, dancing on the rim of the
volcano? The answers started to come to me as my life flashed
before my eyes. I think it all started when I was arrested as a
pyromaniac.”
–Bill Lee
——————————————
“It’s no wonder that our priorities got screwed up. Just because
a person can throw a ball harder or hit it further than most
ordinary human beings, he is placed on a pedestal at an early
age. I don’t think there is anything wrong with admiring an
exceptionally skilled person, but the hero-worship we shower on
athletes goes beyond that. This is a part of the tribal
influence handed down by our ancestors. Man has always been
lionized for his physical prowess. An Indian brave did not have
to pass a math quiz in order to become a chief, he just had to
tear the ass of some bear. And the twelve labours of Hercules
did not include a Regents’ exam. Society has tended to find its
heroes in the most obvious arenas, and I don’t regard that as a
healthy thing. We should find our heroes in the bathroom mirror
each and every morning.”
–Bill Lee
——————————————
“Alcohol is like anything else. It’s only as bad as the person
it’s being poured into. If it’s used to heighten an occasion, or
to take an edge off stress, I don’t see a problem. Trouble
starts when you either lose control and let the bottle run you,
or when you believe its promises of immortality. You realize
that no matter how much you punish yourself, you always seem to
wake up the next day. Pretty soon you’re convinced that you will
never die. What that happens I guess it is time to look for help
before you life becomes one long, lost weekend.
–Bill Lee
——————————————
“During those moments on the pitching rubber, when you have every
pitch at your command working to its highest potential, you are
your own universe. For hours after the game, this sense of
completeness lingers. Then you sink back to what we humorously
refer to as reality. Your body aches and your muscles cry out.
You feel your mortality. That can be a difficult thing to
handle. I believe pitchers come in touch with death a lot sooner
than other players. We are more aware of the subtle changes
taking place in our body and are unable to overlook the tell-tale
hints that we are not going to last on this planet forever.
Every pitcher has to be a little bit in love with death. There’s
a subconscious fatalism there.”
–Bill Lee
——————————————
“I stopped watching the game and sat back to watch the fans. It
was like watching a Fassbinder film, depicting mankind at its
most berserk. The experience made me wonder if we’re not
breeding a society that lacks self-esteem. I don’t think we pat
people on the back enough, letting them know that being able to
fix a sink is just as much skill as being able to get Rod Carew
out with the bases loaded. And more worthwhile, if you were to
ask me. People must be made to feel their value. Otherwise,
when they discover they can’t find any thrills in religion or in
cults, they head out to the ballpark, seeking a vicarious sense
of fulfilment. They’re tired of long-term reality; they don’t
recognize what it has to offer them. All they want is one good
fantasy. Realizing that really shook me up.”
–Bill Lee
——————————————
“I don’t get upset over things I can control, because if I can
control them there’s no sense in getting upset. And I don’t get
upset over things I can’t control, because if I can’t control
them there’s no sense in getting upset.”
–Mickey Rivers
——————————————
“There’s a saying that no man is an island, which I completely
disagree with. I believe that a man should be self-sufficient.
What I propose is almost socialistic, almost communistic: Each
person should have his own plot of land and grow their food.
They should each have a civil service job and contribute equally.
If you don’t contribute then you don’t eat and you die. Don’t be
a burden on those people that are breaking their backs to work.”
–Peter Steele
——————————————
“Whether left or right, when views get that extreme then they
become warped and open to the sickness of the person holding
them.”
–Peter Steele
——————————————
“I know what you’re going to say! ‘They are men, and men should
be free.’ A free man is dangerous to himself and everyone else.
Freedom should be left to those who can put it to good use…”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“You just gotta keep going on. Get up, and do your job. Go to
work, get through each day, one day at a time, like that. And
you hope that one day, you’ll get up and it’ll hurt a little
less. You just gotta just get through it. You just go on. It’s
that simple.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won’t
have to be afraid all the time. Only one thing stops me. A
promise I made…”
–from The Shawshank Redemption
——————————————
“What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?
There’s not a day goes by I don’t feel regret. Not because I’m
in here, but because you think I should be. I look back on the
way I was. A young, stupid kid that committed that terrible
crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense
to him. Tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s
long gone, and this old man is all that’s left.”
–from The Shawshank Redemption
——————————————
“I’ve had some long nights in the stir. Alone in the dark, with
nothing but your thoughts, time can draw out like a blade. That
was the longest night of my life.”
–from The Shawshank Redemption
——————————————
“It floats around, it’s got to land on somebody. It was my turn,
that’s all. I was in the path of the tornado. I didn’t expect
the storm would last as long as it has.”
–from The Shawshank Redemption
——————————————
“Gone is the blinding glow in his hands — gone, too, is the
illusion of purity and beauty! In it’s place all that remains is
mind-numbing, spine-chilling reality!”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“When I start the book, I’m The Writer. The writer bitches for a
week about how he never has any fun, he’s tired of being funny
all the time, and nobody cares about him anyhow. This is
followed by a period of deep intense silence, much staring at
walls, punctuated by cheery optimism on the order of: ‘That’s
it! I’m Dead! I can’t think of an ending!’ or ‘I’m just going
to have to scrap the first ten pages — they’re lousy.’ Often it
is less coherent than that — reduced to the more succinct,
‘Garbage! It’s all GARBAGE!'”
–Dave Sim
——————————————
“Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once
in a while, you could miss it.”
–from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
——————————————
“I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the
death, your right to say it.”
–Voltaire
——————————————
“All the world’s a stage, and the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his
time plays many parts.”
–William Shakespeare
——————————————
“Forgive you enemies, but never forget their names.”
–John F. Kennedy
——————————————
“Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.”
——————————————
“The truth is an anagram of an anagram.”
–Umberto Eco
——————————————
“Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation.
Let the dream begin, let you darker side give in.”
–from The Phantom of the Opera
——————————————
“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.”
——————————————
“You know, I got a daughter, she lives in Michigan. When she was
six years old we took her to the circus, one minute she’s
laughing at the clowns, you know, getting out of the Volkswagon.
The next minute she’s telling me that her stomach hurts. Soon
she’s crying, then she’s screaming. We drove her right to the
emergency room, and she’s got a fever, it’s too high. The
doctors poke and prod, and still they can’t find anything wrong.
Now her vital signs weaken, and they put her on an IV and they
still can’t find anything wrong. Not anything. One day I walked
into her room, and the nurse was trying to put in a new IV and
she couldn’t find the spot. Her little veins were weak, and
[she] starts getting afraid of the needle, and she looked up at
me and said ‘Daddy, make it better.’ I can’t you how I felt,
when she looked up at me and said that, I couldn’t make it
better. There was nothing I could do. She was my daughter and I
was so powerless. I felt so powerless.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“Have you ever noticed, detective, that there are people in this
world who can tell stories, but they’re not the ones that write
them? People don’t grow wealthy or powerful through virtue or
intelligence or hard work, though those things do figure in.
They grow wealthy and powerful because they know how to take
what’s in front of them and shape it, and use it.”
–from Under Suspicion
——————————————
“Writing will be your companion through the darkest and brightest
days of your life — if that is what you want. It exposes pain
and guilt and the greatest joy. It is your own assessment of who
you are. You should write as much as you can and as much as you
want to. It will be something to turn to.”
–Sharda Tarachandra
——————————————
“You can never run away from a weakness. You must sometime fight
it or perish, and if that be so, why not now, and where you
stand?”
–Robert Louis Stevenson
——————————————
“At first he thought he felt bad because he was afraid of leading
an army, but it wasn’t true. He knew he’d make a good commander.
He felt himself wanting to cry. He hadn’t cried since the first
few days of homesickness after he got here. He tried to put a
name on the feeling that put a lump in his throat and made him
sob silently, however much he tried to hold it down. He bit down
on his hand to stop the feeling, to replace it with pain. It
didn’t help.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“Ender stepped under the water and rinsed himself, took the sweat
of combat and let it run down the drain. All gone, except they
recycled it and we’ll be drinking Bonzo’s blood water in the
morning. All the life gone out of it, but his blood just the
same, his blood and my sweat, washed down in their stupidity or
cruelty or whatever it was that made them let it happen.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“There was no doubt now in Ender’s mind. There was no help for
him. Whatever he faced, now and forever, no one would save him
from it. Peter might be scum, but he had been right, always
right; the power to cause pain is the only power that matters,
the power to kill and destroy, because if you can’t kill then you
are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no one will
ever save you.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“Whether he likes it or not, [he] cannot remain incognito
forever. He has outraged too many wise men and pleased too many
fools to hide behind his too-appropriate order to assume
leadership of the forces of stupidity he has marshalled, or his
enemies will unmask him in order to better understand the disease
that has produced such a warped and twisted mind.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“Well, I’m your man. I’m the bloody bastard you wanted when you
had me spawned. I’m your tool, and what difference does it make
if I hate the part of me that you most need? What difference
does it make that when the little serpents killed me in the game,
I agreed with them, and was glad.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“I’ll put it bluntly. Human beings are free except when humanity
needs them. Maybe humanity needs you. To do something. Maybe
humanity needs me — to find out what you’re good for. We might
both do despicable things, but if humankind survives, then we
were good tools.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“This is the essence of the transaction between storyteller and
audience. The ‘true’ story is not the one that exists in my
mind; it is certainly not the written words on the bound paper
that you hold in your hands. The story in my mind is nothing but
a hope; the text of the story is the tool I created in order to
try to make that hope a reality. The story itself, the true
story, is the one that the audience members create in their
minds, guided and shaped by my text, but then transformed,
elucidated, expanded, edited, and clarified by their own
experience, their own desires, their own hopes and fears.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“… All these readers have placed themselves inside this story,
not as spectators, but as participants, and so have looked at the
world, not with my eyes only, but also with their own.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“[It] was written and sold. I knew it was a strong story because
I cared about it and believed in it. I had no idea that it would
have the effect it had on the audience. While most people
ignored it, of course, and continue to live full and happy lives
without reading it or anything else by me, there was still a
surprisingly large group who responded to the story with some
fervency.”
–Orson Scott Card
——————————————
“I don’t pray anymore. I used to, I used to pray for answers. A
clue, a sign of what I should do. How to find something precious
in this life. There was a time when I thought it was my work, my
job, but is it? Nothing in this world changes because of what I
do. The hurt goes on and on. God has given up on us. He
doesn’t hear us anymore…”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“Singers attract fans with aspects to their own personality.
People feel I’m passionate and obsessive. They know this isn’t a
profession for me, it’s a vocation. It’s not an egotistical
thing, but something else. I’m in a dialogue with my audience,
and that’s something I need.”
–Morrissey
——————————————
“Passivity is the culprit. Think of yourself as the victim, you
become the victim.”
–from Law & Order
——————————————
“When I was very young, I went to a grade school in New York City
called Saint Bart’s for Boys. We used to call it the fortress,
that’s because the outside of the building looked like a medieval
fort. But in fact, it was an oasis, right in the middle of my
neighbourhood. The brothers and sisters were very strict, you
know, my butt caught the bamboo more than a few times. But I
didn’t hate it. I didn’t hate it. Those rules made me feel
important, they made me feel worth protecting. I felt safe. And
then I went to a Jesuit high school, Saint Ignatius. The Jesuits
taught me how to think, I haven’t felt safe since.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“I don’t want to hope anymore, I almost died from this in the
first place, and I don’t want to get that down again.”
–Lisa Neve
——————————————
“And we laughed, at the world.
They can have their diamonds,
And we’ll have our pearls.”
–Jill Sobule
——————————————
“In an insane world, it was the sanest choice.”
–from Terminator 2
——————————————
“It was a truly discomforting state. The world seemed distant,
as though he were looking at it through smoky glass. Sounds were
eerily muted, even those of the traffic outside and a cat in the
alley under his window. His sense of touch was obscured as well,
as if he were wearing oven mitts. He had difficulty remembering
anything clearly. It was a little bit like being really, really
drunk, with the room spinning around and a feeling like had
stepped away from the world. Except that the dimness made it
feel as if the world were trying to pull away from him.
Everything but death and loss seemed uncertain. Death and loss
were the only constants in his life.”
–Don Bassingthwaite
——————————————
“There was too much noise. Sirens from police cars and
ambulances. Shouts from the crowd on the street eighteen floors
below. Traffic from other streets and all of the noises of San
Francisco. Mostly, though, there were the voices. Whispering to
him. Reminding him of the dark things he had done — all of the
little things he had forgotten, all of the big things he had
tried to forget. Mostly they reminded him of his biggest secret,
a betrayal of trust and friendship long ago. He squeezed his
eyes shut as if that could somehow keep the voices away.”
–Don Bassingthwaite
——————————————
“For the past weeks I’d been reacting. That was no way to win.
To win, you take the initiative. You instigate the action. You
make the opponent react to you.”
–Richard Marcinko
——————————————
“When you fight, you don’t fight for abstract values like the
flag, or the nation, or democracy. You fight for your buddy.
You fight to keep him alive, and he fights to keep you alive, and
you go on that way, day after day, battle after battle. And when
one of your buddies dies, something inside you dies as well. But
you go on. You fight, so that his death isn’t meaningless, his
sacrifice isn’t for nothing.”
–Richard Marcinko
——————————————
“Your politics are your’s. You’ve never thrown in. The minute
you do that, their doctrines become your’s. You can be held
responsible.”
–from The X-Files
——————————————
“I just want to be happy, and I’m so afraid that I never will
be.”
–from E.R.
——————————————
“Not everything that is faced can be changed; but nothing can be
changed until it is faced.”
–James Baldwin
——————————————
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change
the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
–Margaret Mead
——————————————
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
–Mohandas Gandhi
——————————————
“Science is a body of truths which offers clear and certain
knowledge about the real world and is therefore superior to
tradition, philosophy, religion, dogma, and superstition which
offer shadowy knowledge about an ideal world.”
–Donald DeMarco
——————————————
“You ruined my life. I lost my wife, my kid, my work. I lost
everything all because of a little bad luck. You gotta pay for
that man, you gotta pay. Otherwise there’s no justice in this
world, otherwise it’s all meaningless. You can’t just do
something, and then pretend you didn’t, that it didn’t happen,
that somehow you weren’t involved. You were, you did. It’s your
fault. And now you gotta die for it.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“He had regrets, of course, but not so many that he would lose
any sleep over them. Life surprised him now and then and he
didn’t much care for surprises, unless he was passing them out.
But — what was to be done? You had to deal with the reality, he
had learned that over the years, no matter how much you didn’t
like it.”
–Steve Perry
——————————————
“Did that myth at the heart of all the fairy tales her mother had
told her, that part about happily ever after, ever really work
out that way? How many children around the galaxy had been given
that pretty picture, had swallowed it entire, only to grow up and
find that reality was not so simple, not so beautiful, not so
easy? The story didn’t end when the brave princess killed the
wicked queen and rescued the prince. That, she was learning, was
the easy part. The hard part came when the guns were cleaned and
reholstered, the bodies of the villains cremated, and the day-to-
day business of life reared its ugly cobra’s head and grinned
down at you. When your prince had doubts you couldn’t answer for
him, when you had doubts he could only shrug at, that, that was
the hard part. That was the part the stories hadn’t addressed.”
–Steve Perry
——————————————
“You know what it is that makes a leader? Sacrifice. Sacrifice
yourself and men will follow you anywhere.”
–from Back in Action
——————————————
“You know, everyday I get out of bed and drag myself to the next
cup of coffee. I take a sip and the caffeine kicks in. I can
focus my eyes again. My brain starts to order the day. I’m up,
I’m alive. I’m ready to rock. But the time is coming when I
wake up and decide that I’m not getting out of bed. Not for
coffee, or food, or sex. If it comes to me, fine. If it won’t,
fine. No more expectations. The longer I live the less I know.
I should know more, I should know the coffee’s killing me.
You’re suspicious of your suspicions? I’m jealous. I’m so
jealous. You still have the heart to have doubts. Me? I’m
going to lock up a 14 year old kid for what could be the rest of
his natural life. I got to do this. This is my job. This is
the deal. This is the law. This is my day. I have no doubts or
suspicions about it. Heart has nothing to do with it anymore.
It’s all in the coffee.”
–from Homicide: Life on the Street
——————————————
“Why did you make it so hard for me? I’d rather empty the ocean
with a sieve. I do it for you. Or count the grains of sand on
every beach. All for you. There are so many people, so many
countries. But I have time. All the time in the world.
Eternity.”
–Grant Morrison
——————————————
“And when it’s all done, when there’s no one left you’ll come
back for me. And tell me who I am and why I have to do what I
do. And explain ‘Eternity.’ You’ll come back.”
–Grant Morrison
——————————————
“Why am I in Hell? It hurts. It hurts all the time. Why am I
in Hell? I just want to go home and lie on the bed the way I
used to. Please take me home.”
–Grant Morrison
——————————————
“Paintings may not have nearly the power to convert people that
the printed or spoken word has, but each man has his part to play
in the human and divine drama — some persons just a few lines,
others whole pages. To refuse to play one’s role at all is not
the answer. It is better to light one candle than to curse the
darkness.”
–William Kurelek
——————————————
“Days of my life I’d like to forget: The day the doctors told me
I was sick. The day I had to tell my friends I was ill. The day
my hair fell out. The first day after my surgery. They’re also
the days I’ll always remember.”
–Kate Sawford
——————————————
“Do not look for rest in any pleasure, because you were not
created for pleasure: you were created for Joy. And if you do
not know the difference between pleasure and joy you have not yet
begun to live.”
–Thomas Merton
——————————————
“More than any other time in history, humanity faces a
crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness.
The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom
to choose correctly.”
–Woody Allen
——————————————
“Opera once was an important social instrument — especially in
Italy. With Rossini and Verdi people were listening to opera
together and having the same catharsis with the same story, the
same moral dilemmas. They were holding hands in the darkness.
That has gone. Now perhaps they are holding hands watching
television.”
–Luciano Berio
——————————————
“People are brave enough to spit into an open wound, the problem
is that they’re so afraid, that they’ll only do it after the
beast is dead.”
–Sanjay Singh
——————————————
“Keep staring at the stars and someday they will collapse.”
–James J. Montgomery
——————————————
“Soaks my skin — through to the bone
Pain is nothing that a downpour won’t erase
Rain — you can’t hold on to it
A treasure you cannot frame
Rain — somehow I’m drawn to it
I feel engaged, one and the same
When heaven’s dressing beads off my face
The pain is nothing that a downpour won’t erase.”
–Delerium
——————————————
“I was born to fight your brand of order!”
–from The Adventures of Batman & Robin
——————————————
“You actually care about those creatures, you’re just as crazy as
they are.”
–from The Adventures of Batman & Robin
——————————————
“I’ve seen how you treat your prisoners. Forgotten and scared
without hope or compassion.”
–from The Adventures of Batman & Robin
——————————————
“The morning sun rises to greet him, and in its low, warm light
he stands like some sort of pagan god, or deposed tyrant, staring
out over the city he’s sworn to… stare out over. And it’s
evident, just by looking at him that he’s got some pretty heavy
things on his mind.”
–from The Tick
——————————————
“We cannot go ahead without leaving something behind.”
–Lemuel K. Washburn
——————————————
“It is harder to live when those we love are dead.”
–Lemuel K. Washburn
——————————————
“There is no sadder grief than that which lies at the bottom of a
life that has been wrecked through deception.”
–Lemuel K. Washburn
——————————————
“Have a good time, make life cheerful and bright, dance if you
want to, sing if you can, play as long as you live and leave the
world with a smile.”
–Lemuel K. Washburn
——————————————
“To correct in ourselves what we condemn in others would remove
most of the evils of life.”
–Lemuel K. Washburn
——————————————
“History shows that there is nothing so easy to enslave and
nothing so hard to emancipate as ignorance, hence it becomes the
double enemy of civilization. By its servility it is the prey of
tyranny, and by its credulity it is the foe of enlightenment.”
–Lemuel K. Washburn
——————————————
“The statue of liberty that will endure on this continent is not
the one made of granite or bronze, but the one made of love of
freedom.”
–Lemuel K. Washburn
——————————————
“I saw you with your envoy
A consenting adult
Technique in moderation
But vogue to the cult
Me I’ve got my strangers
To exile in the night
I guess I’m just addicted
To the pain of delight.”
–Melissa Etheridge
——————————————
“Go on and close your eyes, go on imagine me there
She’s got similar features with longer hair
And if that’s what it takes to get you through
Go on and close your eyes it shouldn’t bother you.”
–Melissa Etheridge
——————————————
“I was about to tell him he was wrong to dwell on it, because it
really didn’t matter. But he cut me off and urged me one last
time, drawing himself up to his full height and asking me if I
believed in God. I said no. He sat down indignantly. He said
it was impossible; all men believed in God, even those who turn
their backs on him. That was his belief, and if he were ever to
doubt it, his life would become meaningless. ‘Do you want my life
to be meaningless?’ he shouted. As far as I could see, it didn’t
have anything to do with me, and I told him so. But from across
the table he had already thrust the crucifix in my face was
screaming irrationally, ‘I am a Christian. I ask Him to forgive
you for sins. How can you not believe that He suffered for you?’
I was struck by how sincere he seemed, but I had had enough. It
was getting hotter and hotter. As always, whenever I want to get
rid of someone I’m not really listening to, I made it appear as
if I agreed. To my surprise, he acted triumphant. ‘You see, you
see!’ he said. ‘You do believe, don’t you, and you’re going to
place your trust in Him, aren’t you?’ Obviously, I again said
no. He fell back in his chair”
–Albert Camus
——————————————
“It’s very hard to let someone in when you’ve caused so much
pain. To risk the emotion.”
–from Forever Knight
——————————————
“Just one more time to touch you
Just one more time to tell you
You’re on my mind
Baby, why can’t I have you
You’re breaking my heart in two
You know what I’m going through
Oh baby, why can’t I have you?”
–The Cars
——————————————
“Who’s gonna tell you when it’s too late
Who’s gonna tell you things aren’t so great
You can’t go on, thinking nothing’s wrong
Who’s gonna drive you home, tonight?

Who’s gonna pick you up when you fall
Who’s gonna hang it up when you call
Who’s gonna pay attention to your dreams
Who’s gonna plug their ears, when you scream?”
–The Cars
——————————————
“You see with your eyes. This means you can be misled by charm,
by outward appearance. By webs of glamour, by surface pretences.
I do not see with my eyes. I see good and I see evil. Nothing
else.”
–Neil Gaiman
——————————————
“I do not permit affection, or lack thereof, to influence my
actions. There is good, and there is evil. The good must be
protected; the evil eradicated. I have shown you the triumph of
evil, as a caution.”
–Neil Gaiman
——————————————
“You wish to see the distant realms? Very well. But know this
first, the places you will visit, the places you will see, do not
exist. For there are only two worlds — your world, which is the
real world, and other worlds, the fantasy. Worlds like this one,
worlds of the human imagination. Their reality, or lack of
reality is not important. What is important is that they are
there. These worlds provide an alternative. Provide an escape.
Provide a threat. Provide a dream, and power, provide refuge and
pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist; and thus
they are all that matters. Do you understand?”
–Neil Gaiman
——————————————
“There aren’t any good guys, and there aren’t any bad guys.
There’s just us. People. Doing our best to get by.”
–Neil Gaiman
——————————————
“People kill what they fear. They burned, and drowned, and
hanged those they saw as witches, the devil’s servants: the wise
women and the cunning men, the unfortunate, the lost and the
strange.”
–Neil Gaiman
——————————————
“The red flame flickers on the wall of the cave
(smeared with ochre, berry dye, charcoal)
Making the great elk move,
Making the mastodon breath,
Making the hunters race and kill.

Watch them seeking to placate and understand the world above
This they know.
This they understand.
There is darkness, everywhere, outside.

The dark is everywhere; and though the sun comes up,
And though the fires blossom and are tamed,
The darkness is there,
The darkness is waiting.

As the things in the darkness
That whisper before they feast,
They are to be placated and persuaded,
They are to be loved and sacrificed to,
They are to be prayed to and distrusted.

And so there is magic.”
–Neil Gaiman
——————————————
“Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstand all you see
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out
It doesn’t matter much to me.”
–The Beatles
——————————————
“Pain. I started cuttings on myself when I was quite young. The
backs of my arms. I did it with a knife. I didn’t learn it from
anyone. It was the way I knew I was alive and human. At the time
I hadn’t developed enough to understand why I was doing it.”
–Greta, body piercer
——————————————
“There were times in my life when I couldn’t feel anything any
more. Everything became too much. I felt numb all the time. I
couldn’t feel happy or sad.”
–Greta, body piercer
——————————————
“Girls ask to suck my blood. They aren’t too shy about asking
me. I can easily show you scars all over me where I’ve taken
razor blades and opened myself up and let them stick their
tongues into me.”
–Peter Steele
——————————————
“For a long time, I did not know who I was, I did not know what I
wanted. I was crushed by peer pressure, and I listened to a lot
of people because I was told by a lot of people around me that I
was a moron. And now I’ve realized that it’s not me that’s
fucked up. It is the rest of the world. I’m certainly not a
genius but I believe I’ve found myself.”
–Peter Steele
——————————————
“I think I’m a blue-collar worker from Brooklyn. This thing just
fell into my lap and it is an opportunity to escape urban blight.
I’m a social retard, and I have a hard time dealing with people.
I don’t like crowds, I don’t like noise, I don’t like people, I
don’t like being questioned. I just want to be left alone.”
–Peter Steele
——————————————
“Censorship is almost systematically the weapon of first resort
for governments in uncertain political situations. So not only
are the famous writers and bold journalists in danger; at every
level of public and private life, the freedoms to think, read or
write are denied.

In the absence of a free press, other human rights abuses
flourish unabated. Nothing is reported, criticized, questioned.
The example of imprisonment, torture or execution imposes a
further silence. A blindly obedient mob mentality is encouraged,
driven by extremist religious or ethnic loyalties. The citizens
do not know what is happening. Fear and ignorance permeate
discussion.”
–Marian Botsford Fraser
——————————————
“To start blindly with a statement is a sign of arrogance and
narrow-mindedness, and will lead to conflict. To start blindly
with a question is a sign of uncertainty and honesty, and will
lead to wisdom.”
–Scott “Jesus” Watson
——————————————
“You’ve seen [angst] (you know you have) late at night, in a
mirror. It has deep, hollow eyes — too exhausted to close —
and looks like someone you thought you knew.”
–Dirk John Fischer
——————————————
“Wake when others wake. Take what others take.
Feed when others feed. Need what others need.
Share what others share. Care when others care.
Feel what others feel. Is it real?

If you love what others love. You will never rise above.
You will stay where others stay. Play games they like to play.

And when they grow tired, you will fall asleep.
Because to follow is the nature of the sheep.”
–Luke Gasteiger
——————————————
“Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from
time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”
–Oscar Wilde
——————————————
“True education makes for inequality; the inequality of
individuality, the inequality of success, the glorious inequality
of talent, of genius; for inequality, not mediocrity, individual
superiority, not standardization, is the measure of the progress
of the world.”
–Felix E. Schelling
——————————————
“Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape
of the spoon.”
–E. M. Forster
——————————————
“The paradox of education is precisely this — that as one begins
to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he
is being educated.”
–James Baldwin
——————————————
“It is very nearly impossible… to become an educated person in
a country so distrustful of the independent mind.”
–James Baldwin
——————————————
“The real leader has no need to lead — he is content to point
the way.”
–Henry Miller
——————————————
“The art of leadership… consists in consolidating the attention
of the people against a single adversary and taking care that
nothing will split up that attention… The leader of genius must
have the ability to make different opponents appear as if they
belonged to one category.”
–Adolf Hitler
——————————————
“I read the news today oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph.
He blew his mind out in a car
He didn’t notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They’d seen his face before
Nobody was really sure
If he was from the House of Lords.”
–The Beatles
——————————————
“Fear, it’s the oldest tool of power. If you’re distracted by
fear of those around you, it keeps you from seeing the actions of
those above.”
–from The X-Files
——————————————
“Reporters crowd around you house,
Going through you garbage like a pack of hounds
Speculating what they might find out,
It don’t matter now, you’re all washed up.

You wake up in the middle of the night
You sheets are wet and your face is white,
You tried to make a good thing last,
How could something so good, go bad, so fast.”
–Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
——————————————
“There was thunder
There was lightning
Then the stars went out
And the moon fell from the sky…”
–Tom Waits
——————————————
“I’m just hoping that one day the sheep will realize that the
shepherd is really a wolf in disguise.”
–Sanjay Singh
——————————————
“Fifty or sixty shooters had already arrived and managed to look
studiously bored. I knew a few of them and nodded politely. No
one asked me to sit next to them, nor would I have accepted if
they had. It’s better that way, in case you end up on opposite
sides of a fight, and a whole lot safer. Friends can betray you.
Strangers can’t.”
–William C. Deitz
——————————————
“You thought you knew what pain was. You thought that whatever
happened, you could handle it. You thought that you were in
control. You thought wrong. Now you’ve lost it all. She’s
gone. All that’s left is the numbing pain. You have to let go
to stop the pain, but you can’t. It’s like a drug to you now.
You don’t want to need it, but it has become a part of you, and
it won’t loosen its grip on you. The control you once fought
for, is gone. You have no control. And you just don’t care.”
–Sanjay Singh
——————————————
“You’ve bought into the ‘system’ your whole life, and it got you
nowhere. You were at the top of your class in high school, you
were the darling of your sorority, and people still treated you
like your success was a way to prove their ‘system’ was right.
No more. You get by on your own… with the help of someone who
works for you now.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“The world is his canvas, and he wants to take up sculpting.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“You are inspired. Anything you say is brilliant, especially if
it contradicts what other people normally believe. Create!
Destroy! Live!”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“[He] does not belong; reality itself does not accept his surreal
visions. Why hold back? Why shouldn’t he reshape the world into
something that will accept him? He’s been shut out long enough.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“Obviously, [she] should learn a little about reality. True love
does not conquer all. How foolish she is to believe in ‘young
love.’ Stories like that always end in tears. Her romance
certainly did. Seeing young lovers most [her], because it
reminds her of her own pain — the pain her Psyche and her need
for blissful passion gave her.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“The true artist must be open to anything! Expand your mind,
man; stretch it like a big red balloon! You think that’s crazy!
Look at all the unhappy people, look at all the conformity, and
I’ll tell you what’s really crazy. Whee! Ants!”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“One must follow what interests one, yes? Life is an exploration
of the mind, an exploration of reality. Care for some brie?”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“They found the dog in several pieces in the trash can, occult
symbols carved into its fur and something horrible in its mouth.
They found the old man hanging from the ceiling in his study, the
plastic on the floor was arranged so that none of the blood
stained the lily white carpet. They discovered the child hunched
down in a closet covered in her own waste, the tears dried away,
the hollow eyes looking out at nothing.

They say not to go into the Fifth Street alley at night — it’s
just not safe. They say that the library is haunted — that
sometimes you can feel the crinkle of plastic under your feet.
But you don’t care what they say, ’cause you know she’s in your
closet — when you close your eyes to sleep you can still hear
her muffled screams and the little hands beating at the door…”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“This thing is a man. Look at what you are, and what awaits you.
Gaze on this image and learn what your own end will be.”
–Greek epitaph
——————————————
“Learn the true topography; the monstrous and wonderful
archetypes are not inside you, not inside your consciousness; you
are inside them, trapped and howling to get out.”
–R. A. Lafferty
——————————————
“I see the witching moon moving in swift arc, yet not driving
with her full face shining night long like torchlight luring in a
graveyard. She glows as when magicians spells torment her reins
taught. She holds course, hogging the horizon moon. Now your
fire has hues of deathly pallor. Pour waves of grim light on the
winds to frighten mankind.

On grass red with bloodstains, I offer your beasts ritually
butchered for you a fire torch snatched from a cremation burns in
the night; for you I arch and toss back my head. I sing, I loose
my hair, then bind it with sacred headband, and they do at
funerals. For you I grip this bough shrivelled with deaths dew.
For you I bare my breast, slice into my arms with holy knife,
shed my sanity and blood forever.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“Death is but a stepping over, a passage through the Shroud. The
moment of death is a rite of passage marking the end of one
journey and the beginning of another, a path available to us at
any time.

The thousands of things undone, the millions of roads not
travelled, the longings and regrets; they do not die with the
body. Instead they linger on and take a life of their own. They
become ghosts. They become shadows.

Trapped between this world and the next, wraiths are lost in the
immortal gloom of damnation. Held together out of pure misery,
they are trapped by their past, their longings and their fear.
Many are the products of sudden, violent or cruel deaths. They
are bound by a sense of crucial deeds undone, of unsaid words
breaking in their hearts, of a life cut short by Fate. Others
are consumed by a tragic longing for happiness and fulfilment
denied them in life. A few are driven by bitterness, anger or
passionate ideals.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“I can’t feel you anymore
I can’t even touch the books you’ve read
I followed you beneath the stars
Hounded by your memory
And all your raging glory
But now I’m finally free
I kiss good-bye the howling beast
That separated you from me
You’ll never know the hurt I suffered
Nor the pain I rise above
And I’ll never know the same about you,
But soon we’ll be together
In the clasp of oblivion.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“The conquest of the fear of death is the recovery of life’s joy.
One can experience an unconditional affirmation of life only when
one has accepted death, not as contrary to life, but as an aspect
of life. Life in its becoming is always shedding death, and on
the point of death. The conquest of fear yields the courage of
life. That is the cardinal initiation of every heroic adventure
— fearlessness and achievement.”
–Joseph Campbell
——————————————
“With each passing day oblivion encroaches further. With every
soul that surrenders to shadow, the end draws nearer. The world
is not as we knew it, decay’s sweet stench now clings to all we
once held dear. It is called the Shadowlands. In death there is
nowhere to hide, nowhere to run, from the hate and fear, the pain
and bitterness, the shadow within. Hope is fragile and few have
the courage, the passion, to face death, and say, ‘I do not go
gentle into that good night.'”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“Like you, I am broken and fragile
Like you, I am tasting my heart for the first time
Like you, I am feeding on slumber
Like you, I’ve left my eyes far behind me
Down for the count and still drowning…”
–Christian Death
——————————————
“You may never understand
How the stranger is inspired
For he is always evil,
And he is not always wrong…”
–Billy Joel
——————————————
“Come with me on wings of dream. I can take you anywhere you
want to go — would you like to have dinner with [her]? Sip
cappuccino on the canals of Mars? Walk with me though the
Elysian Fields? I promise to have you back before you wake.”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“All around you reverberate the songs of the dead. You hear them
echoing in high cathedrals, in darkened auditoriums, in your own
sleep. All around you wail the songs of the dead: dare you not
listen? Listen to what has been sung. Since their death!”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“‘Do you trust me?’ I asked her. I held out my hand. ‘Do you
want to see beyond the darkness?’ She nodded slowly, and took my
hand…”
–from Wraith: The Oblivion
——————————————
“Swift as light and as cheers was the idea that broke in upon me.
‘I have found it! What terrified me will terrify others; I need
only describe the spectre which had haunted my midnight pillow.'”
–Mary Shelly
——————————————
“I act the role in classic style of a martyr
Carved with a twisted smile,
To bleed the lyric for this song
To write the rites to right my wrongs
An epitaph to a broken dream
To exorcise tis silent scream
A scream that’s borne from sorrow.”
–Marillion
——————————————
“Oh children don’t you weep and moan
Children save your breath
You’ll draw a pretty pension
When your daddy meets his death.”
–“Hard Times” (traditional ballad)
——————————————
“It was the best of times and the worst of times, and it was all
of them at once.”
–Alan Moore
——————————————
“Death followed by eternity… the worst of both worlds. It is a
terrible thought.”
–from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
——————————————
“There were the days when you peered into your self, into the
secret places of your heard, and what you saw there made you fair
with horror. And then, next day, you didn’t know what to make of
it, you couldn’t interpret the horror you had glimpsed the day
before. Yes, you know what evil costs.”
–Jean-Paul Sartre
——————————————
“The darkness always teemed with unexplained sound — and yet he
sometimes shook with fear lest the noises he heard subside and
allow him to hear certain other fainter noises which he suspected
were lurking behind them.”
–H.P. Lovecraft
——————————————
“Darkness, darkness
Be my blanket
Cover me with the endless night
Take away the pain of knowing.”
–The Youngbloods
——————————————
“The night is my companion, and solitude my guide.”
–Sarah McLaughlin
——————————————
“He who pretends to look upon death without fear, lies.”
–Jean-Jacques Rousseau
——————————————
“Someone stole my heart. I haven’t gotten it back, because I
haven’t found anyone to steal it back for me.”
–Scott “Jesus” Watson
——————————————
“Justice to the left of you
Justice to the right
Speak when you are spoken to
Don’t pretend you’re right
This life’s not for living
It’s for fighting and for wars
No matter what the truth is
Hold on to what is yours.”
–Yes
——————————————
“Sometimes you want to run away
Sometimes you think you do
But you never had a dream like this before
And you don’t want to ask for more
Sometimes you leave a mark
Before you know the score.”
–Ric Ocasek
——————————————
“The great challenge of adulthood is holding on to your idealism
after you lose your innocence.”
–Bruce Springsteen
——————————————
“A life is not important, except in the impact it has on other
lives.”
–Jackie Robinson
——————————————
“I see your face in every flame
With no answers I have only myself to blame
Of all the women I have known — they’re not you
I’d rather be alone.”
–Type O Negative
——————————————
“I always thought we’d be together
And that our love could not be better
Well with no warning you were gone
I still don’t know what went wrong
You don’t know what I’ve been through
Just want to put my love in you.”
–Type O Negative
——————————————
“So you’ve come to say you’re very sorry
‘It won’t happen again — forgive me?’
Time will not heal these wounds
And I’m bleeding because of you.

Was everything we had just a joke?
I’ve run out of patience, tears, and hope
Love does not conquer all
And I’m screaming because of you.

In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I’ve begged for protection?
I’m freezing.”
–Type O Negative
——————————————
“A crimson pool so warm and deep
Lulls me to an endless sleep
You hand in mine — I will be brave
Take me from this earth
An endless night — this, the end of life
From the dark I feel your lips
And I taste your bloody kiss.”
–Type O Negative
——————————————
“Not long ago but far away
A rainy winter’s day
All her pain she kept inside
Could no longer hide
No cry for help
She killed herself
Both life and love could not be saved
She took them both to the grave.”
–Type O Negative
——————————————
“See the smile awaitin’ in the kitchen
Food cookin’ and the plates for two
Feel the arms that reach out to hold me
In the evening when the day is through.”
–Seals & Crofts
——————————————
“See the curtains hangin’ in the window
In the evening on a Friday night
A little light-a-shinin’ through the window
Let’s me know everything’s all right.”
–Seals & Crofts
——————————————
“It’s not that I don’t have a conscience, it’s just that why
should I feel guilty for my present crimes, when my past ones are
so much worse?”
–Sanjay Singh
——————————————
“The Humanist lives as if this world were all and enough. He is
not otherworldly. He holds that the time spent on the
contemplation of a possible afterlife is time wasted. He fears
no hell and seeks no heaven, save that which he and others
created on earth. He willingly accepts the world that exists on
this side of the grave as the place for moral struggle and
creative living. He seeks the life abundant for his neighbour as
for himself. He is content to live one world at a time and let
the next life — if such there may be — take care of itself. He
need not deny immortality; he simply is not interested. His
interests are here.”
–Edwin H. Wilson
——————————————
“Gentleness and cheerfulness, these come before all morality:
they are the perfect duties. If your morals make you dreary,
depend on it they are wrong. I do not say, ‘give them up,’ for
they may be all you have; but conceal them like a vice, lest they
should spoil the lives of better men.”
–Robert Louis Stevenson
——————————————
“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, does

I Survived The World Series Earthquake Of 1989!

I SURVIVED THE WORLD SERIES EARTHQUAKE OF ’89

Yeah yeah the earth moved for me too.
Just another one of those things that God yes God
Hath willed into motion to flip us right spang out.

Not that that’s the point.

We talk about it.
Closure?
As if terror were a problem to be solved,
As if an equation could describe a process,
With a neon equals sign somewhere near the middle to grab
Like the hanging bar on a bus
To steady us against all this flux and hoo-hah? A safe idea?

Fat chance.

There was death but mostly it was televised,
Not co-workers and best friends.
It was only The Pretty Big One,
Maybe we needed to be told.
Like we didn’t already know that the earth doesn’t love us.
We love it.
Love it like some stupid junior-high-school-kid romance,
Look back and cringe:

After pining, whining, and subterfuge,
The object of desire is in our bed and uh-oh, now what?
Hand jobs and finger-fucking.
And now maybe abuse it.
That would be fun.

When things get spooky, kids, you can always leave.

You get older
And you don’t worry so much, believe me.
You know how to make resolutions.
You get so most of your wounds are paper cuts and stiff necks.
Nothing a band-aid or a back rub won’t cure.

Or a really enormous amount of money.

Then this.
Something big unstoppable random.
Positive self-image or no
You are not a Problem-Solver on this level.

But your choices are still endless.
You can loot the ComputerLand
Or you can patrol the street with a flashlight.
You can love your life or take it.

I learned to hug people harder.
It isn’t much, but it doesn’t have to be.
I couldn’t explain that to my friends on the east coast
Who called in a panic then carped, as in a single voice:
Yeah, right, Go West Young Shit-For-Brains.
Oh well.
They have hurricanes.

Slow fade and lapse back into band-aids and back rubs.
No need to live out there forever.
The Niners just won the Super Bowl and the damage is
Oh yeah the Embarcadero Freeway is still closed
Mostly an inconvenience.
You take the long way ’round enough you forget there was a shortcut.

And then
A restaurant you always liked, in Chinatown, on Kearney
Henry Chung’s Hunan with the dancing chili peppers on the sign
You won’t believe the onion cakes!
Closed? You gotta be kidding!–due to structural damage.
A little magic-marker map in the window
To Henry’s bigger, colder place on Sansome
Remember?
With the tacky-chic neon wall installation that spells out:
þÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍþNo MSGþÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍþ

I walk there with my sister
And she’s depressed.
That little hole in the wall, she’s eaten there
Every time she’s been to San Francisco.

I want to immerse myself in Tsing Tao and onion cakes
But she makes me tell the stories.

How the light caught the windows as they fell
From the Kaiser Building in Oakland.
How in Hunter’s Point–famous for crack and drive-by shootings
(Yo Crips! Yo Bloods!)
–I laughed
When the windows rattled with the first aftershock.
How the yuppies downtown walked around dazed,
Many with drinks in their hands,
And all the men, their ties at half-mast.

Some of the stories aren’t even mine
But I tell them anyway
She needs to know
Needs to taste it
And I need these scallions, this sesame batter,
This perfect grease.

David Fox

X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven

& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560

“Raw Data for Raw Nerves”
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X

How I Got Out Of It

They look angry. What will you do?>

Toss the bottle of stuff high into the air, folloed by the
beads, and run. If you’re an olympic swimmer, possible swim to
the other island.

QALAM: A Convention For Morphological Arabic-Latic-Arabic Transliteration

==============================================================================
Qalam: A Convention for Morphological
Arabic-Latin-Arabic Transliteration

Abdelsalam Heddaya (heddaya@cs.bu.edu)

with contributions from

Walid Hamdy (hamdy@lids.mit.edu)
M. Hashem Sherif (mhs@homxa.att.com)

Created: 1985.11
Modified: 1986-1989 often
Modified: 1990.01
Modified: 1990.12.21
Modified: 1990.12.31; accepted LAiLA upper case convention,
added punctuation, ,
and
Modified: 1991.01.23; added a couple of sentences.
Modified: 1991.01.31; decided for
Modified: 1991.08.22; cleaned up acknowledgements
Modified: 1992.01.13; changed back to

DRAFT—DRAFT—DRAFT

0. Introduction
—————

Qalam is an Arabic-Latin-Arabic transliteration system between the
Arabic script and the Latin script embodied in the ASCII (American
Standard Code for Information Interchange) character set. The goal of
the Qalam system is to transliterate Arabic script for computer
communication by those literate in the language. The main
consideration in the design of Qalam is suitability for
transliteration, as well as reverse transliteration, both manually by
humans and automatically by computers. Qalam also includes several
Arabic script letters used to transliterate other languages *into*
Arabic script. Finally, Qalam aims to serve all Arabic script
languages, such as Farsi, Urdu, and Ottoman.

Qalam is a morphological system in the sense that Arabic script
words are transliterated based on spelling and diacritics (the marks
that represent vowels in Arabic), rather than on phonetics. This
makes it easy to deduce the Arabic script word from its
transliteration (i.e., to transliterate the word back into Arabic
script). The pronounciation of words, however, can still be deduced
from the transliteration, because the (optional) inclusion of
diacritic marks makes the transliterated word more pronouncable.

We describe Qalam’s mapping between Arabic letters and diacritics
to ASCII characters. Each Arabic letter or diacritic maps into (and
back from) one or two ASCII characters. The choice is made in order
to approximate, as much as possible, the Arabic pronounciation, while
maintaining the one-to-one morphological correspondence needed for
unambiguousness of reverse transliteration into Arabic script.

Arabic script letters that do not correspond to Latin sounds are
represented with upper case letters or with two character sequences.
Thus, Qalam uses upper-case ASCII characters to denote Arabic letters
that are different from those denoted by the corresponding lower-case
characters. This convention deviates from the common practice of
inserting a dot beneath the letter or a dash above it.

We give below the list of transliterations for Arabic letters and
diacritics, followed by an example and a description of the rules of
transliteration.

1. Character Mappings:
———————-
1.1. Letters:
————-

hamza ‘
‘alef aa zayn z qaaf q
baa’ b syn s kaaf k
taa’ t shyn sh laam l
thaa’ th Saad S mym m
jym j Daad D nuwn n
Haa’ H Taa’ T haa’ h
khaa’ kh Zaa’ Z waaw w
daal d `ayn ` yaa’ y
dhaal dh ghayn gh
raa’ r faa’ f

taa’ marbuwTah t or h
haa’ marbuwTah h

‘alef maqSuwrah ae
hamzat alwaSl e

1.2. Transliteration Letters:
—————————–

These are characters used in the Arabic script to represent or
transliterate letters from other languages such as
English, French, German, etc.

Egyptian sound g (= Arabic script with bar
or dots, pronounced
or )
English “v” sound v (= Arabic script with
three dots)
English “p” sound p (= Arabic script with
three dots)

1.3. Diacritics :
————————–

fatHah a
kasrah i
Dammah u
shaddah double previous letter
maddah ~aa
sukuwn –
tanwyn N

1.4. Punctuation:
—————-

question mark ?
double quotes <>
single quotes
,

2. Examples:
———–

The Qalam transliteration of the first in the ,
called goes as follows:

bismi ellaahi elraHmaani elraHym

‘alHamdu lillaahi rabbi el`aalamyn *
alraHmaani elraHym *
maaliki yawmi eldyn *
‘iyaaka na`budu wa’iyaaka nasta`yn *
‘ihdinaa elSiraaTa elmustaqym *
SiraaTa alladhyna ‘an`amta `alayhim *
ghayri elmaghDuwbi `alayhim *
walaa alDaalyn *

3. Qalam Rules and Conventions:
——————————-

Transliterate a word by following its Arabic script spelling letter by
letter, as well as any available diacritics (i.e., or
), and substituting the specified Latin script. The only
frequent exception is the in the definite article (i.e.,
), which is better to write as if it is a ,
or (, or ) as the case may be.

Diacritics are optional unless they are necessary to disambiguate
the original Arabic script spelling. For example, the verb
may be written , because the ambiguity does not affect the
original Arabic script spelling. On the other hand,

may stand
for a as in the word or for a followed by a
as in , in which case the between the and
the is necessary.

The with a transliterates to if the
is above, and to if it is below. That is, it is treated as if it
is simply a with a or .

The definite article (equivalent to “the” in English) should
not be separated from the rest of the word by a hyphen; e.g.
, meaning “the sun.” Write the even if it is
silent–. This is a case where literal transliteration is
given precedence over phonetic transliteration to make reverse
transliteration easy.

Observe word boundaries in the original Arabic, e.g.
is wrong, but is right.

Arabic has no capitalization, and hence Arabic script
transliterated by Qalam uses capitals to stand for letters that are
different from those denoted by the corresponding lower case character.

As a convention, we quote transliterated Arabic script text
embedded in another script with Arabic script quotation marks and vice
versa.

4. Technical Discussion:
————————

We would like to argue that Qalam is a superior code for communicating
Arabic script text over data networks between heterogeneous computers.
Qalam possesses the characteristics required of a good communication
code: unambiguity, compactness, and simplicity of coding/decoding.

(((Compatibility, Human readability, Code efficiency. Existing
codes.)))

Qalam’s goals include supporting automatic transliteration by
computers, as well as manual transliteration for typing in Arabic
script using Latin script available on ASCII terminals. This permits
computers that support the Arabic script directly to hide the
transliterated text from the user. Thus, a personal computer user,
for example, should be able to type in Arabic script a message, and
have the machine transliterate it for submission to
soc.culture.lebanon. Conversely, when this user receives an Arabic
script message from soc.culture.lebanon, the computer would transliterate it
back into Arabic script for display. The above scenario should hold
equally true for text that mixes Latin and Arabic scripts.

5. Bugs:
——–

The , should be distinct from the and
both must differ from the . Qalam doesn’t provide for
transliterating the written as a vertical bar shaped
diacritic, as in archaic spellings of the . The only way to
distinguish digraphs such as from the identically
transliterated followed by , is to force the inclusion of
a diacritic vowel between the two letters. Qalam needs a method to do
so without including the vowel, since it’s not always available in the
original Arabic script text.

6. Acknowledgements:
——————–

Nayel el-Shafei provided the initial impetus for this work by
researching the various transliteration systems in use in the US, and
publishing the results on egypt-net in July 1985. C.I. Browne
(cib%a@lanl.gov) provided, in August 1988, useful comments about the
placement of “.” (no longer in use by Qalam) and pointed out that
was missing in an earlier draft of Qalam. Ali Mili, of the
University of Tunis, commented on an early version of Qalam.

Stavros Macrakis pointed out the absence of a convention for and the old form of that appears as a vertical bar
diacritic (e.g., in the ). The first problem has been
corrected, but the second remains. In winter 1990/91, a debate
surfaced on USENET about transliterating Arabic text, one particular
proposal, called LAiLA, convinced us to use upper case Latin letters
instead of special characters.

References:
———-

@article{Becker87,
AUTHOR = “J.D. Becker”,
TITLE = “Arabic word processing”,
JOURNAL = “Communications of the ACM”,
VOLUME = “30”,
NUMBER = “7”,
PAGES = “600–611”,
MONTH = “July”,
YEAR = “1987”}

@article{Becker84,
AUTHOR = “J.D. Becker”,
TITLE = “Multilingual word processing”,
JOURNAL = “Scientific American”,
VOLUME = “251”,
NUMBER = “1”,
PAGES = “”,
MONTH = “July”,
YEAR = “1984”}

==============================================================================

Quilting And Quilt-Related Books Compiled For Quiltnetters

QUILTING AND QUILT-RELATED BOOKS COMPILED FOR QUILTNETTERS
(by Subject)

** Amish **

AMISH ADVENTURE, AN (A Workbook for Color in Quilts) ($15.95)
by Roberta Horton
C&T Publishing, Lafyette, CA 1983

Very good book.

AMISH QUILT, THE ($45)
by Eve Wheatcroft Grannick
1989, Good Books, Intercourse Pennsylvania

Not only beautiful Amish quilts, but also their stories and a view on the
communities and eras from which they come. A great body of information about
the Amish and their textile traditions. Facts presented through interviews and
conversations with Amish families and with people whose lives have touched the
Amish people, including many who sold fabrics to these seamstresses.

GALLERY OF AMISH QUILTS, A ($9.95)
(Design Diversity from a Plain People)
by Robert Bishop and Elizabeth Safanda
E.P. Dutton, NY 1976 (first published)

Great collection (150) of Amish quilts in color. Splendid black-and-white
photographs of the Amish people and countryside. Also, a comprehensive
introduction provides the cultural and aesthetic background for viewing
these quilts.

SMALL AMISH QUILT PATTERNS
by Rachel Pellman
Good Books, Intercourse, PA 1985

Patterns for making small amish quilts.

PLAIN AND SIMPLE
by Sue Bender

She tells of her fascination with the vibrant colors and stunning geometric
simplicity of the Amish quilts. The quilts “spoke directly to me…they went
straight to my heart.” I highly recommend the book. It was after reading her
book that I started learning how to quilt.

** Applique **

APPLIQUE: 12 EASY WAYS
by Elly Sienkiewicz

Excellent book on various applique techniques. She starts out with basic
methods and moves on to more specialized techniques. This books gives you
a solid foundation in applique.

APPLIQUE PATTERNS FROM NATIVE AMERICAN BEADWORK DESIGNS ($14.95)
by Dr. Joyce Mori
AQS, Paducah, KY

Great for anyone interested in this subject matter. Most of the designs in
this book are adapted from beaded objects made by members of Native American
Indian tribes located in five major regions in North America.

THREE-DIMENSIONAL APPLIQUE & EMBROIDERY ($24.95)
by Anita Shackelford

A beautiful book!! For those of you interested in these two subjects this is a
wonderful book. Good instructions, illustrations and patterns.
It is hard back, 151 glossy pages and 9-1/4 x 12-1/4 in size

** Beginners **

ENCYCLOPEDIA OF QUILTING TECHNIQUES, THE ($24.95)
by Katherine Guerrier
Running Press, Philadelphia, PA 1994

Excellent book. Colorful. Describes: techniques, block construction (she
gives you step by step instructions on how to make some of the more common
blocks (with color illustrations of each step) rotary cutting, special effects,
applique, quilting, finishing, etc. Toward the back of the book are gorgeous
quilts to truly inspire you.

This is a great reference book, great for beginners but can be used by
seasoned quilters as well. A must for every quilter’s library.

FAST PATCH – A TREASURY OF STRIP QUILT PROJECTS ($17.95)
by Anita Hallock
Chilton Book Co., Radnor, PA 1989

This is a very good book for beginners and everyone else. A new strip
technique for making triangles.

Step-by-step instructions. By making a checkerboard and turning it on the
bias, you can learn to cut strips of triangles, opening up a whole range of
traditional blocks like the Ohio Star and sawtooth borders.

HAPPY ENDINGS
(Finishing the Edges of Your Quilt)
by Mimi Dietrich
That Patchwork Place 1987

Great book for ideas and instructions on finishing your quilt.
This book belongs in every quilter’s collection.

MACHINE PIECING & QUILTING (Teach Yourself)
by Debra Wagner
Chilton Book Company, Radnor, PA

Beginning with guidelines for choosing a sewing machine, using templates,
selecting and preparing fabrics for quilting; guides you with friendly,
step-by-step instructions.

QUILTING BY MACHINE ($19.95)
Singer
Cy DeCosse Inc., Minnesota 1990

Beginner’s book. (not machine quilting). Quite pictorial. Instructions are
very easy to follow.

Can be used as a learning tool if you are sewing your first quilt or as a
reference if you have had quilting experience. The piecing, applique, and
quilting techniques that are included in this book are quick, easy machine
methods. If more than one technique is shown, the easier technique is first.

** Borders **

SETS & BORDERS
by Marston & Cunningham, AQS

I have had this book a long time. It has lots of good photos, border ideas and
charts for planning them. I have found it inspirational and helpful.

QUILTER’S ALBUM OF BLOCKS AND BORDERS
Jinny Beyer

Great black and white illustrations of blocks to give you ideas for blocks and
the shading of the blocks. (re: question on black and white quilts).

BRAID & CHEVRON UPDATED
by Camille Remme
ME Publications Santa Monica, CA 1993

45 variations of making braid and chevron borders from one traditional pattern.

PAINLESS BORDERS
by Sally Schneider

This book presents 16 cleverly designed quilts and borders in which the border
is pieced along with the quilt. My favorite is the twisted ribbon border
which looks like a double sided twisted ribbon cascading along the border.
She provides lots of suggestions for clever and fast cutting/piecing.

** Children **

TENDER LOVING COVERS
by Toni Phillips and Juanita Simonich

This is a WONDERFUL book of children’s quilts with great designs,
mostly pieced. They are crib/wall quilt size but there is no reason
they could not be incorporated into a large quilt, if you wish. One
quilt is called Wheels & More Wheels and has a tow truck, fire
engine, ambulance, and police car, so it is not strictly trucks. In
addition to this, there are the following: Astronaut, farm, cowboy,
circus, zoo, christmas, a school quilt.

GO WILD WITH QUILTS ($19.95)
by Margaret Rolfe
That Patchwork Place

This book has a lot of North American wildlife — birds, squirrels, owls, black
bears etc.
—-
It uses straightline piecing methods (no inset pieces) to create realistic
looking animals and birds (cardinal, beaver, racoon etc.)

PATCHWORK QUILTS TO MAKE FOR CHILDREN
by Margaret Rolfe
Sterling Publishing Co. Inc. New York

I can attest to both of these books as great sources for easily
pieced animal blocks. The GO WILD book was a great hit when we
had it for the book draw at our guild meeting. It contains 14
North American Animals (racoon, beaver, ducks etc).
—-
My favorite for children. This book hasas a whole zoo, patterns for many
dinosaurs, farm animals, etc. In my opinion they are more fun than
traditional blocks and make finding naturalistic fabrics fun too.

QUILT A KOALA
by Margaret Rolfe.
Sterling Publishing

Another fun book. This one has patterns for pieced blocks featuring native
Austrailian birds and animals.

** Color **

COLOR CONFIDENCE FOR QUILTERS ($24.95)
by Jinny Beyer
The Quilt Digest Press, 1992

This is Jinny’s color system based on the use of a master palette of fabric
colors that span the spectrum. By following the instructions in this book, you
create your own master palette that you can use as a tool for color choices
for all of your future quilting projects. After creating your own color
palette, you will learn how to create countless color schemes just by taking
small sections of the palette, or by rearranging portions of it.

COLOR DESIGN IN PATCHWORK
by Paula Nadelstern
Dover Publications 1991

Explores how color can be used to vary one and the same patchwork
configuration. Depending on the placement of color and the resulting degree of
contrast, different shapes in a pieced pattern are emphasized and visually
linked. Usually some shapes combine to form the main unit of design, while
remaining ones are interpreted as background.

COLOR AND CLOTH: THE QUILTMAKER’S ULTIMATE WORKBOOK ($19.95)
by Mary Coyne Penders
The Quilt Digest Press, 1989

This is another good “color confidence” book. Underrated, probably because of
Jinny Beyer’s.

STRIPS THAT SIZZLE
by Margaret Miller

My first B&W quilt was made using this book. It is a book primarily meant for
working in color, but I thought the technique worked extraordinarily well for
black and white. I believe that almost any quilt pattern could be used if you
watch your placement as to shading.

** Design/Designing **

SENSATIONAL SETTINGS
(Over 80 ways to arrange your quilt blocks) ($9.95)
by Joan Hanson
That Patchwork Place 1993

Good book offering a lot of ideas/suggestions for arranging quilt blocks.

QUILTING BY DESIGN
by Marston and Cunningham

Linda asked about how to arrive at quilting designs. I had many of the same
questions, and kept looking for the right book to answer them. This book does
so. I highly recommend it.

ONE-OF-A-KIND QUILTS
(Simple Steps to Individual Quilts) ($16.95)
by Judy Martin
That Patchwork Place 1989

One-of-a-Kind Quilts are structured scrap quilts–everyday quilts that feature
a planned theme or focal area surrounded by blocks made in a variety of
patterns, with the overall design developing as the piece is made.

This book takes you step-by-step through the theme blocks and the background
blocks, covering everything from cutting and construction techniques to the
creative decisions that are made along the way. Suggestions for completing the
quilts are included. Master templates and quick-cutting information for the
background blocks are provided toward the end of the book. An excellent book.

THREE-DIMENSIONAL DESIGN ($18.95)
by Katie Pasquini
C&T Publishing, Lafayette, CA 1988

Detailed discussion of how to make objects appear three-dimensional.
Lots of her quilts (in color).

SPEED CUTS
by Donna Poster
Chilton for the Creative Machine Arts Series.

In it there are 1200 quilt blocks (although I would say that there
are only 500 designs but each can be constructed in one of three
sizes 10″ 12″ and 14″). Also, there is a quilt layout section that
shows how many blocks you will need for each size quilt depending on
whether you are putting the blocks together on point, straight set,
with lattice or any combination of these.

Of course, also included is a yardage chart based on the templates to
be used. And the templates themselves are in the back, numbered.
Note: Blocks are all in black and white.

WALL QUILTS
by Marsha McCloskey
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA

A step-by-step guide on how to make wall hangings that will add bold and
beautiful accents of folk art design to many areas throughout the home. It
contains complete instructions and full-size pattern pieces for creating ten
wall quilts based on traditional pieced designs, several of them with matching
patchwork pillows. Directed to both beginning and advanced quilters, it
includes detailed instructions on all special techniques involved, from
template making, machine-piecing, and hand-quilting to mounting and hanging.

PATCHWORK PATTERNS ($18.95)
Jinny Beyer
EPM Publications, Inc., McLean, VA 1979

This book is written for those who have an interest in using traditional
geometric designs or a desire to create their own original motifs.

It explains in a systematic manner a method of drafting patterns which has, in
large, been put aside, and about which no comprehensive book has been written.
She also explains a few simple drafting techniques which are particularly
useful in making geometric designs.

PATTERN PLAY: CREATING YOUR OWN QUILTS ($24.95)
by Doreen Speckmann
C & T Publishing, Lafayette, California 1993
(Not for beginners)

Introduces you to an easy and fun way to design your own blocks on graph paper,
then put those blocks into interesting quilt designs. Discusses fabric
selection and the techniques necessary for turning graph paper quilts into real
ones. Provides scale drawings and photos of some of her favorite quilts,
complete with yardages and size-change options.
——
Down to earth, easy-to-understand method to making your own designs.
Excellent, excellent book. She writes with a sense of humour and
shows loads of examples to get you thinking. It’s an excellent back
door entrance to a more “creative” side of quilting for those technician
types who don’t think they “have” creativity.

BLOCKBUSTER QUILTS
by Margaret Miller

An unusual approach to setting odd blocks (i.e., block of the month,
friendship blocks, good bye blocks, or blocks that are not all quite the same
size) into a quilt top. More for the advanced piecer. Very original.

HOW TO DESIGN AND MAKE YOUR OWN QUILTS ($19.95)
by Katharine Guerrier
Mallard Press, 1991

Good book.

MEMORY QUILTS: DELIGHTFUL WAYS TO CAPTURE TODAY FOREVER
by Nancy Smith and Lynda Milligan

I picked up a couple books to give me ideas when I was designing and
constructing one for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

PATTERN ON PATTERN
by Ruth McDowell

This is an excellent book.

** Fast Piecing/Rotary Cutting Techniques **

TIMELESS TREASURES, A Complete Guide to Rotary Cutting
by Nancy Johnson-Srebo
RCW Publishing

Nancy’s instructions are clear and concise, and she shows readers how
to cut almost any shape, while using your rotary cutter and ruler. Also
included are instructions for specific 6″, 8″, and 10″ blocks.
—-
I have found the info in this book really helpful. She goes through how to cut
a number of pieces: trapezoids, parallelograms, hexagrams, octograms, etc. The
nice thing about the book, too, is that she shows you how to do it for right
handed or left handed cutters. There is also a section in the book for those
who use metric measurements.
—-
I find [this book] indispensable.
She gives clear instructions and illustrations to cut any
shape with the rotary cutter. Both right and left handed illustrations are
given. In the middle of the book there is a chart for adding on seam
allowances to any shape. It gives both the English and Metric measurements.
There are also good directions on pressing.

The last part of the book has color photos of blocks and complete directions
for them including cutting, sewing, and pressing. She includes which direction
to press the seams. (It was great help to me when I was beginning to make
blocks for the first time.) My only complaint was that there were a couple of
mistakes in the placement of the color photos to the directions. Some of them
didn’t match but were found somewhere else in the book.

BTW, I took the book to a printer and had them put a spiral binding on it so
that it lays flat and stays open when I am using it.

SPEED CUTS
by Donna Poster
Chilton for the Creative Machine Arts Series.

In it there are 1200 quilt blocks (although I would say that there
are only 500 designs but each can be constructed in one of three
sizes 10″ 12″ and 14″). Also, there is a quilt layout section that
shows how many blocks you will need for each size quilt depending on
whether you are putting the blocks together on point, straight set,
with lattice or any combination of these.

Of course, also included is a yardage chart based on the templates to
be used. And the templates themselves are in the back, numbered.

Note: Blocks are all in black and white.

ANGLE ANTICS ($18.95)
by Mary Hickey
That Patchwork Place, 1991

Explores the design potential of a rectangle constructed of two contrasting
triangles (called bias rectangle). It also provides you with a technique for
constructing this rectangle quickly and accurately. (Most patterns are star
patterns.)

BACK TO SQUARE ONE ($17.99)
by Nancy J. Martin
That Patchwork Place 1988

Great book featuring Nancy Martin’s personal quiltmaking techniques (template-
free approach).
—-
She shows how to make what she calls a Square 1, Square
1.5 or Square 2. Square 1 is made of 2 triangles. This is what you need for
Ocean Waves. Square 1.5 is made of one big triangles and 2 little ones. Square
2 is made of 4 little triangles. I am making a huge wall hanging that uses all
of these different squares and it is working wonderfully!

STRIP QUILTING ($14.95)
by Diane Wold
TAB Books, Div. of McGraw Hill 1987

I love this little book. It’s perfect for those who are into piecing and
repiecing (seminole patchwork take off). It’s very easy to follow.

It contains complete instructions, including diagrams, cutting instructions,
and a shopping list, for each of the projects illustrated. Pointers are given
for modifying projects, for adapting patterns from other sources and for
creating your own designs.

SHORTCUTS: A Concise Guide to Rotary Cutting
by Donna Thomas
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA 1991

Basic quick-cutting techniques plus a number of techniques that are expansions
of the basics.

QUILTER’S GUIDE TO ROTARY CUTTING, THE ($17.95)
by Donna Poster
Chilton Book Company, Radnor, PA 1991

Good technical reference book on rotary speed cutting ; Over 1,000 speed-cut
shapes.

ROTARY ROUNDUP
Judy Hopkins & Nancy Martin
That Patchwork Place

Both books (Rotary Riot below) have about 40 color prints of quilts. These
quilts are made from traditional block patterns and have instructions for
rotary cutting and quick piecing. Nancy Martin owns the publishing company
that published these two books.
—-
I had Rotary Riot, so I had to buy this one too and I’m not one bit sorry. I
love to get ideas and inspiration from these books and this one is full of
great colors,beautiful quilts. Their books are the only ones I use when I need
to make bias binding as it shows the flat cut method. The only times I tried
to do the continuous circle, it ends up in a mess.

ROTARY RIOT: 40 Fast & Fabulous Quilts ($21.95)
by Judy Hopkins and Nancy J. Martin
That Patchwork Place 1991

The authors of this book take 40 traditional blocks that appeal to many
quiltmakers and adapted their construction to template-free techniques. Begins
with Nancy’s basic review of rotary-cutting techniques and information on
multi-fabric quilts. The pattern section includes step-by-step directions for
forty favorite quilts, all clearly illustrated and written in a Template-Free
format. Some of the patterns feature bias squares, some cut with 8″ Bias
Square and several use simple strip-piecing techniques. The patterns are
graded with symbols as to difficulty (beginner, intermediate, advanced). Judy
has written a section on Finishing Your Quilt and has included some of the
overall repeat quilting patterns for which she is known. Also included is
information on crow footing, utility quilting and other tacking techniques.

COLORFUL ANGLES
(Triangles, Diamonds & Hexagons With a Contemporary Look)
by Susan Stein
EZ International 1993

This book combines the use of applique, traditional blocks, hand
dyed fabrics and the EZ tools (EZ Angle, Companion Angle, Easy Eight, Easy
Hexagon, Speed grids, trapezoids) to create very contemporary designs. 16
projects. I think this is a good book.

QUICK & EASY QUILTMAKING ($26.95)
by Mary Hickey, Nancy J. Martin, Marsha McCloskey and Sara Nephew
That Patchwork Place, 1993

This book introduces cutting techniques originated by each of the authors.
Teaches the authors’ special techniques for making quilts with a variety of
triangular shapes. Organized for easy use. Good for a beginner. 26 projects
featuring speedy cutting and piecing methods

Tips are presented on various pages throughout the book to help clarify a
technique or to teach a fast (er) way to do something. This book worth it just
for the tips presented throughout.

COUNTRY QUILTS IN A DAY ($14.95)
by Fran Roen
Sterling Publishing Co, NY 1991

This book uses strip quilting and other speed techniques.
Very simplistic. Good for a person interested in teaching themselves
how to quilt.

ON TO SQUARE TWO ($17.49)
by Marsha McCloskey
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA 1992

Thirty pieced block designs that contain the Square Two unit (a continuation of
Back to Square One) and related bias strip-pieced units. Also contains a how
to section on the construction details of bias strip piecing half-square units
(Square One), quarter-square units (Square Two) and two other related pieced
units. General instructions for machine piecing and rotary cutting are
provided in the back of the book.

PAINLESS PATCHWORK ($14.95)
by Rosemary Donoughue
Sally Milner Publishing, Australia 1991

Quick modern methods for traditional quilts. This is a very good book for
making the following quilts: log cabin, irish chain (double and triple), lone
star, and trip around the world. Instructions are very easy to follow.
Great for beginners. No color.

QUICK COUNTRY QUILTS
by Debbie Mumm

Very explicit instructions using quick piecing methods, well laid out book,
lots of photos and diagrams. Apples, leaves, cows, sewing machines, sheep,
cats, bunnies, tulips, hearts, houses, etc etc all in the “country” style.
—-
This book has lots of “cute” small projects that are relatively easy to make.
I made the “Alley Cats” as a going away present a few years ago and the
recipient loved it.

** Finishing **

HAPPY ENDINGS
(Finishing the Edges of Your Quilt)
by Mimi Dietrich
That Patchwork Place 1987

Great book for ideas and instructions on finishing your quilt.
This book belongs in every quilter’s collection.

** Foundation Piecing **

EASY MACHINE PAPER PIECING
by Carol Doak
That Patchwork Place

I surrender — I am a believer. I attended a workshop last night on
foundation/paper piecing based on this book. It works, by golly, it works.
What a treat — and I can turn out such perfectly precise blocks. It’s
wonderful. If you haven’t tried it, you should — attending a class really
helps because you see how it’s done live.

PRECISION PIECED QUILTS USING THE FOUNDATION METHOD
by Jane Hall and Dixie Haywood

I like this book because it offers a good history, well-described theory and
practical examples of piecing on a variety of foundations. It’s well
written and very nicely illustrated with b&w photos, color plates and
instructional line drawings.

** General/Miscellaneous **

SENSATIONAL SCRAP QUILTS
by Darra Duffy Williamson

I like this book, particularly the section on selecting fabrics for scrap
quilts. I used her idea of making a reference card of all the colors in the
quilt (you take a small piece of each and organize them on a card in a
continuous line from light to dark, ignoring color) and it worked a treat on a
planned scrap quilt I made using about 40 pinks and greys.

QNM did a review and hated it, they said there was nothing new in it. I think
it is well laid out and gives you lots to think about.
—-
I learned a lot from this book. First, I discovered D.D. Williamsons theory of
the “Maverick” block in quilts using repeating blocks! That has helped me to
add more fun and excitement to my quilts. It also has a section on color use
and drafting patterns. I find I go back and read this book over and over.
Wonderful!

ROMANCE OF THE PATCHWORK QUILT IN AMERICA, THE
by Hall and Kretsinger

(answer to question on pattern for Seven Sisters) Thi book has a picture of a
“Seven Stars” block on p. 54 that appears to be a similar, if not identical,
pattern.

STRIPS THAT SIZZLE
by Margaret Miller

My first B&W quilt was made using this book. It is a book primarily meant for
working in color, but I thought the technique worked extraordinarily well for
black and white. I believe that almost any quilt pattern could be used if you
watch your placement as to shading.

QUILTMAKER’S GUIDE: Basics and Beyond
by Carol Doak

There is a neat pieced maple leaf pattern in this book. It shows four standard
pieced maple leaves set in a block so that each maple leaf is pointing towards
a different corner.

QUILTING WITH STYLE ($24.95)
by Marston & Cunningham

I would like to list this as a book that several people in my guild highly
recommend as a “every quilter must have” book.

QUILT ALMANAC 19xx
by Oxmoor House

These are some of my favorites too. The quilts range from very simple
to very difficult. The patterns are good and I enjoy the biographies.
There’s a chapter each year on group quilts or guild quilts and someday
I expect I’ll see a QuiltNet quilt featured there!

QUILTS AND QUILTING ($17.95)
by Threads magazine
The Taunton Press, 1991

Series of articles drawn from the first 35 issues of Threads magazine, more
than two dozen master quiltmakers share their ideas and techniques.

Great collection!

** Hand Quilting **

ESSENTIAL QUILTER, THE
by Barbara Chainey ($29 .95)

A wonderful book. It is a complete course in the lost art of hand quilting. It
covers everything you might need to know, and the clear photos show you how to
hold the needle, etc. The quilts are all Welsh or English, many are
“whole-cloth” (all-quilted) quilts with beautiful feathers, scrolls, etc. Very
inspirational.

QUILTING STITCH, HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR
by Ami Simms
Mallery Press, Flint, Michigan

Great instructional book on perfecting hand quilting stitch.

** Inspirational **

AMERICA’S TRADITIONAL CRAFTS ($95)
by Robert Shaw
Macmillan, N.Y. 1993.

Wonderful book. Wonderful color photos…quilts and a lot more…
very oversize… BEAUTIFUL…

COLLECTOR SCRAP QUILTS
(Book II in the Collector Quilt Series)
by Marti Michell
American School of Needlework, San Marcos, CA 1992

Second book in the collector series that features design inspiration from
antique quilts.

Pretty good instructional book.

GALLERY OF AMERICAN QUILTS: 1860-1989: Book 2
American Quilting Society

If you want inspiration and if only American quilts will do, this is the book!

JAPANESE QUILTS ($24.95)
by Jill Liddell & Yuko Watanabe
E.P.Dutton, NY 1988

Beautiful collection of Japanese quilts.

QUILTING AND INFLUENCES ($29.95)
by Nancy Crow
AQS, Paducah, KY

Nancy, with the help of lots of pictures, explains how she uses her
instinctive eye for color and design to create quilt art. 256 pages offer
more than 300 photos, most in full color arangement showing Nancy’s use
of color and unusual fabrics. She also talks about her family and how
they influenced her life as far as quilting is concerned.

Good coffee table book.

** Machine Quilting **

COMPLETE BOOK OF MACHINE QUILTING, THE
by Robbie and Toby Fanny
(Chilton Needlework Series), 1980

Good book. Discusses frame basting on pages 58-65, with ilustrations on pages
60 and 62 of the materials, the components, the frame set up and in use.

HEIRLOOM MACHINE QUILTING
by Harriet Hargrave

This is probably the best book available on machine quilting.
A must!!

** Miniature/Crib **

TWENTY LITTLE PATCHWORK QUILTS
by Gwen Marston and Joe Cunningham
Dover Publications, NY 1990

Miniatures quilts. Includes templates and quilting designs

SMALL TALK
by Donna Thomas
That Patchwork Place.

I am very impressed with the progressive directions (from easiest to more
difficult) they are easy to follow and the pictures were inspiring. I would
highly recommend it.

AMISH CRIB QUILTS
by Rachel and Kenneth Pellman
Good Books Publishers 1985

Beautiful quilts.

SMALL AMISH QUILT PATTERNS
by Rachel Pellman
Good Books, Intercourse, PA 1985

Patterns for making small amish quilts.

CRIB QUILTS AND OTHER SMALL WONDERS ($29.50)
by Thos. K. Woodward & Blanche Greenstein
Bonanza Books, New York 1988 edition

Lots of colorful quilts.

WORKING IN MINIATURE ($15.95)
by Becky Schaefer
C&T Publishing, Layayette, CA 1987

A machine piecing approach to miniature quilts.
Good book.

** Nine Patch **

NIFTY NINE PATCHES
by Carolann M. Palmer

If anyone ever thought ninepatches were humdrum, this should change their mind.
This book also has good instructions on quick rotary cutting and piecing
techniques.

NINE PATCH WONDERS
by Blanche Young and Helen Young Frost
First Star publishers, Tucson, Arizona 1991

Shows what can be done with a nine patch block (interesting color plays,
optical illusions, three dimensional woven effects).

The best of traditional designs as well as some original variations. Some
quilts are made with all Nine Patch blocks; others combine the pieced blocks
with background blocks. Others are variations on the Double Nine Patch design,
where pieced blocks are joined with plain squares to form large Nine Patch
blocks. Combining the 9Patch with other shapes, such as rectangles or
triangles, creates even more variations.

** Patterns/Blocks **

ULTIMATE BOOK OF QUILT BLOCK PATTERNS, THE
by Judy Martin
Crosley-Griffith Publishing 1988

Excellent book, lots of of various sizes.
—-
This book is my most favorite, and most used, of all time.

QUILTS! QUILTS!! QUILTS!!! ($21.95)
The Complete Guide to Quiltmaking
by Diana McClun and Laura Nownes
The Quilt Digest Press, 1988

Great book.

Includes patterns that beginning quiltmakers can complete successfully, as well
as designs an experienced quiltmaker will enjoy working with. Popular and
traditional patterns–and all the instructions for the techniques required to
make them.

The patterns are arranged in a progressive sequence, incorporating new designs
and utilizing more difficult techniques as you move from the simpler patterns
to the more complex. Some patterns require more precise work than others, but
with careful work all can be completed by the quiltmaker who begins with the
simpler patterns, moving onward as experience warrants.

QUILTS, QUILTS, AND MORE QUILTS
by McClun and Nownes.

This book is just as good as their first book (see above).

QUILTER’S COLOR WORKBOOK: Unlimited Designs from
Easy-to-Make Quilt Blocks ($12.95)
by Kirstin Olsen
Sterling Publishing Co., INc., New York 1990

For a beginner: shows multiple color combinations for a number of quilt
patterns; provides ten or twenty starting points. Lots of quilt blocks in a
variety of color combinations: pinwheel, ohio star, chimney sweep, mosaic,
triangles, wrench, double-nine patch, rabbit’s paw, bow-tie, hexagon, pineapple
log cabin, log cabin, lone star, tumbling blocks, and irish chain.

Also provides piecing instructions for each block.

QUILTER’S PATTERN WORKBOOK ($12.95)
by Kristin Olsen

This book has templates for the bow tie block and demonstrates how the block
can be arranged with different colors at least 10 times. I’ve yet to read the
book in detail, but she does this with many patterns and it looks really neat!

TEMPLATES FOR 171 NINE-PATCH QUILT BLOCKS
by Rita Weiss
American School of Needlework 1989

Good book of 9-patch blocks in 10, 12 and 14 inch sizes

SCRAP QUILTS
by Judy Martin
Moon Over the Mountain Publishing, Wheatridge, Colo 1985

Techniques plus patterns old and new for making quilts a from collected
fabrics.
Very nice, colorful quilts. I bought this book because I saw her quilt
“Tennessee Waltz” on display at the Great American Quilt Festival 1993 in New
York.

RADIANT STAR
by Eleanor Burns
Quilt in a Day Series 1990

Good book for making stars.

QUILT PROJECTS BY MACHINE
by Singer, 1992

There is a small section on Bow Ties (about a half doz or so pages) in this
book. It shows several arrangements: traditional, zigzag, octagonal,
staggered.
There are a couple of neat arrangements using color (oh, no, I’m starting
to write “American”!) gradations, as well as scrap, necktie fabrics and
amish colours. It gives a couple of ideas for borders and sashings as well.

QUILTS SEW QUILT
by Nancy J. Smith and Lynda Milligan

This is the one that has the Ivy Trellis Pattern in it that I asked about on
QuiltNet last fall and noone could find the pattern for. It has a number of
other interesting patterns in it for large print fabrics.

QUILT ALMANAC 19xx
by Oxmoor House

These are some of my favorites too. The quilts range from very simple
to very difficult. The patterns are good and I enjoy the biographies.
There’s a chapter each year on group quilts or guild quilts and someday
I expect I’ll see a QuiltNet quilt featured there!

120 Patterns for Traditional Patchwork Quilts
by Maggie Malone
Sterling Publishing, NY 1983

Patterns range from easy to hard; from well-known designs to more obscure
patterns. Some of the patterns you may have never seen before since they were
reproduced from museum quilts.

BEST OF THE CLASSIC QUILT SERIES, THE
by Laura Nownes.

This book is chock full of great photos and patterns (and instructions) for
many “classic” quilt designs (cathedral windows and grandmother’s flower garden
to name only two).

COUNTRY QUILTS BY COUNTRY LIVING ($25.00)
Text by Eleanor Levie, Jennifer Place and Mary Seehafer Sears
Hearst Books, New York 1992

More than 10 years worth of Country Living’s favorite country quilts, offering
instructions and pattern pieces for making twenty of them. Over 100 examples
of how quilts can personalize every room in the house, adding color and graphic
impact to any space.

EAST QUILTS WEST ($24.95)
by Kumiko Sodo

It is wonderful!!! She has many patterns that have instructions for an
average to advanced quilter. Her patterns are not, on the most part, for the
faint of heart. The best part, is the ideas which spring forth from her many
designs. I very, very seldom use a design, even if given permission – I like
to make my own designe. Her book is an inspiration. I hate to piece curves,
so I have been appliqueing them down on top of the under piece after turning
under the edge. This is how she “pieces” her curves. The book is rich in
color and in interestingly narrated. Her use of color is wonderful.
It is not a cheap book, but I would definitely recommend it.

** Reference (Historical) **

CONTEMPORARY QUILTS FROM TRADITIONAL DESIGNS ($9.50 used)
by Carolyn L. Mosey
E. P. Dutton Publishers, New York 1988

This book takes a comparative look at the physical changes in the art of
quilting through the years. While the overall appearance of quilts has
changed, many contemporary quiltmakers keep coming back to traditional
patterns. The artists represented in this book share their feelings on the
history of quilting, the direction in which it is going and their viewpoints on
several quilt-related topics.

Interesting. Provides a traditional quilt on one side of the page and a
quilter’s contemporary rendition of the same pattern on the other.

FABULOUS FABRICS OF THE 50s (And Other Terrific Textiles of the
20s, 30s, and 40s)
by Gideon Bosker, John Gramstad, Michele Mancini
Chronicle Books, San Francisco.

This one focuses on drape/upholstry fabrics of those years and is great for the
history and wonderful (often weird) color combinations of the fabrics.

SIGNS AND SYMBOLS: African Images in African-American Quilts ($24.00)
by Maude Southwell Wahlman
Studio Books in association with Museum of American Folk Art, New York

This book introduces the art of African-American quiltmaking to the general
public. Her thesis is that most African-American quiltmaking derives its
aesthetic from various African traditionsk, both technological and ideological.

Provides an abundance of detailed information on African textiles, the history
of quiltmaking in India, Europe and the Americas and extensive interviews with
quilters.

Excellent.

STAR QUILTS ($20)
by Mary Elizabeth Johnson
Clarkson Potter Publishers

Good collection of star quilts.
—-
I like this book. She is well organized and gives you some good photos and
directions. Haven’t tried anything from it yet. (I got it from a closeout
catalog for under $10. It’s a good deal at that price. Not sure if I’d pay
$20 for it though.)

QUILT STORIES
by Cecilia Macheski, editor
Lexington: The University of Kentucky Press, 1994.

This wonderful book is a collection of poems, short stories, and other prose
works by various authors over the past 150-200 years, all dealing somehow with
quilts and quilting. The book is divided into 5 sections (“blocks”), each
named for specific quilt blocks: Memory Blocks (“Stories of Remembrance and
Meaning”), Double Wedding Ring (“Stories of Community and Courtship”), Radical
Rose (“Stories of Struggle and Change”), Wheel of Mystery (“Stories of Murder
and Mystery”), and Old Maid’s Ramble (“Stories of Age and Wisdom”). The
introduction explains the blocks and the stories a bit, and the editor explains
how quilting provided an important link in literature written by women
(although there are a couple of selections from male authors).

REMEMBER ME; Women and their Friendship Quilts
Lipsett, Linda Otto.
San Francisco, Quilt Digest Press, 1985.
Pb, 140 p, col & b/w ill.

One of the very best quilt books ever Linda Otto Lipsett began with her own
collection of 19th century friendship quilts. Her book tells the stories of
eight women and eight quilts made between 1840 and 1895. Many of the stories
are sad stories of leaving family and comfortable homes in the East to
undertake arduous journeys in pursuit of new homes in the West. Using letters,
diaries, interviews and the quilts themselves the author unfolds the everyday
lives of eight real women, following them from youth to old age. Photos show
the women, their families, their homes, and especially their quilts. The
excellent color photographs show full quilts, details of blocks, signatures
and ornaments, and the best close-ups of 19th century fabrics I have seen.
There are also pictures of other typical friendship quilts, patterns for three
quilts prepared by Laura Nownes, and complete references and bibliography.

MY MOTHER’S QUILTS/DESIGNS FROM THE THIRTIES
by Sara Nephew,
That Patchwork Place

I love this one — it really got me into 30s quilts — and it’s my inspiration,
since I just purchased two 30s tops that need batting, backing,etc.

FOLK QUILTS AND HOW TO RECREATE THEM ($14.95)
by Audrey & Douglas Wiss
Sterling/Main Street, NY 1990

This book presents a wide selection of traditional designs for the modern
quilter which have been tested over time. They are presented in their original
colors and special configurations. Some date back as far as the 18th century;
others became popular as late as the 1930s. A few are worked in wool or silk;
most are piecd of plain or printed cottons. All were made in America and
display a variety of piecing, applique and quilting techniques.
I like this collection.

AMERICAN QUILT: A History of Cloth and Comfort 1750-1950, $60
Text: Roderick Kiracofe with Mary Elizabeth Johnson
Photos: Sharon Risendorph
Published by Clarkson Potter, New York

Buy it, it’s gorgeous and you will learn a ton of stuff about
quilting that you never know–extremely well researched, beautifully
designed book, nice typefaces, photography excellent of course–
—-
This is a beautiful book. It has several features I like, including
a time line about quilt styles and fabrics. The photographs are
unusually clear and brilliant. It is expensive; however, you
will find it sold by the discount retailers. I have seen it listed
for $48.

BITS AND PIECES, TEXTILE TRADITIONS
by Jeanette Lasansky

This books contains essays/thesis on history and other aspects: the
relationship between late 19th c. dress fabrics & quilt devel., other
fascinating things.

** Reference (Technical) **

TAKING THE MATH OUT OF MAKING PATCHWORK QUILTS ($6.95)
by Bonnie Leman & Judy Martin
Leman Publications 1981

Charts, tables, measurements, sizes, facts, figures, and helpful information
for planning quilts. A must for every quilter.

QUILTS! QUILTS!! QUILTS!!! ($21.95)
The Complete Guide to Quiltmaking
by Diana McClun and Laura Nownes
The Quilt Digest Press, 1988

Great book.

Includes patterns that beginning quiltmakers can complete successfully, as well
as designs an experienced quiltmaker will enjoy working with. Popular and
traditional patterns–and all the instructions for the techniques required to
make them.

The patterns are arranged in a progressive sequence, incorporating new designs
and utilizing more difficult techniques as you move from the simpler patterns
to the more complex. Some patterns require more precise work than others, but
with careful work all can be completed by the quiltmaker who begins with the
simpler patterns, moving onward as experience warrants.

QUILTS, QUILTS, AND MORE QUILTS
by McClun and Nownes.

This book is just as good as their first book (see above).

QUICK & EASY QUILTMAKING ($26.95)
by Mary Hickey, Nancy J. Martin, Marsha McCloskey and Sara Nephew
That Patchwork Place, 1993

This book introduces cutting techniques originated by each of the authors.
Teaches the authors’ special techniques for making quilts with a variety of
triangular shapes. Organized for easy use. Good for a beginner. 26 projects
featuring speedy cutting and piecing methods

Tips are presented on various pages throughout the book to help clarify a
technique or to teach a fast (er) way to do something. This book worth it just
for the tips presented throughout.

TIPS FOR QUILTERS
by Rachel Pellman
Good Books, Intercourse, PA 1993

A handbook of hints, shortcuts, and practical suggestions from experienced
quilters.
—–
This is a great book full of all sorts of useful ideas. BUT don’t read
it at bedtime or you will quilt ALL night long and not get any sleep!!! I
recommend this book.

ENCYCLOPEDIA OF QUILTING TECHNIQUES, THE ($24.95)
by Katherine Guerrier
Running Press, Philadelphia, PA 1994

Excellent book. Colorful. Describes: techniques, block construction (she
gives you step by step instructions on how to make some of the more common
blocks (with color illustrations of each step) rotary cutting, special effects,
applique, quilting, finishing, etc. Toward the back of the book are gorgeous
quilts to truly inspire you.

This is a great reference book, great for beginners but can be used by
seasoned quilters as well. A must for every quilter’s library.

HAPPY ENDINGS
(Finishing the Edges of Your Quilt)
by Mimi Dietrich
That Patchwork Place 1987

Great book for ideas and instructions on finishing your quilt.
This book belongs in every quilter’s collection.

QUILTING & PATCHWORK DICTIONARY ($12.95)
by Rhoda Ochser Goldberg
1988 Crown Publishers, Inc.

Good reference book.

CLUES IN THE CALICO; A Guide to Identifying and Dating
Antique Quilts ($39.95)
by Barbara Brackman.
EPM Publications, 1989.

There are black and white and color pictures and examples and descriptions of
quilts characteristic of different periods. It is one of the best researched
and written quilt books I have encountered, and I have more than 300 books. I
put this in the top ten. Libraries and quilt guilds should have it.

ENCYCLOPEDIA OF QUILTING TECHNIQUES, THE ($24.95)
by Katherine Guerrier
Running Press, Philadelphia, PA 1994

Excellent book. Colorful. Describes: techniques, block construction (she
gives you step by step instructions on how to make some of the more common
blocks (with color illustrations of each step) rotary cutting, special effects,
applique, quilting, finishing, etc. Toward the back of the book are gorgeous
quilts to truly inspire you.

This is a great reference book, great for beginners but can be used by
seasoned quilters as well. A must for every quilter’s library.

NEW QUILTING AND PATCHWORK DICTIONARY, THE ($12.95)
by Goldberg, Rhoda Ochser
New York: Crown, 1988.

This should be in EVERY quilter’s library. It has 1,740 illustrations, which
includes all the “classics” of our repetoire plus many charming original
designs (a baby bottle block, international signal flags, a pieced panda,
etc.)All black and white illustrations, but so comprehensive most people won’t
even notice!

QUILTS: Identification and Price Guide
by Liz Greenbacker and Kathleen Barach. ($14.00 paper).

(340 pages). This book include such topics as: why collect quilts, how to start
a collection, history of quilts and quilting, dating a quilt (about30 pages
devoted to this chapter), condition, workmanship, repair and finishing,
care/cleaning/storage/display, trends in the marketplace, and seven chapters
under the heading of PRICE LISTINGS, such as antique pieced quilts,
contemporary quilts, art quilts, African American quilts.

EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK ($10.00)
by Ami Simms
Mallery Press, Flint, MI 1990

Over 500 tricks, tips, and tidbits for quilters .

** Special Interest **

COMPLETE BOOK OF SEMINOLE PATCHWORK, THE ($7.95)
Rush, Beverly with Lassie Wittman
New York: Dover, 1993.

This is the book for anyone interested in Seminole patchwork. I have two other
books on the topic and have seen others at the library–THIS is the one to buy.

—-
It’s a reprint of the 1982 edition which has been out of print for some time.
It’s just $7.95 from I was born and raised in S. Florida and just adore the
Seminole patchwork. This is the first book I’ve seen that’s had something of
an accurate history, too.

QUILT CLIP ART ($10.95)
by Cheryl Petersen
Quiltessence/Fine Publications

It’s a nice little book that has all kinds of sewing-related images, quilt
borders, the word QUILT in various fonts and stylings, little quilts
flying pigs, thimbles and thread.

The nice part about this publisher is that you can order DISKS of
all the clip art (a necessity if you don’t own a scanner!) The clip
art is available for MACs in pict form on 3.5″ disks. It is also
available for the IBM or clone, but you must call or write to them and
give them your graphic requirements.

COLOR WASH WORKBOOK ($12.95)
by Shirley Liby
Graphics Unlimited, 1993

This book is the result of Liby’s creative play and her approach to the process
of color wash through a series of modules that seemed to simplify the whole
idea for her.

I like this book because it is in black and white and, therefore, easier to
separate values. There are also a lot of grids that you can copy and play
around with your own designs.

STAR QUILTS ($20)
by Mary Elizabeth Johnson
Clarkson Potter Publishers

Good collection of star quilts.
—-
I like this book. She is well organized and gives you some good photos and
directions. Haven’t tried anything from it yet. (I got it from a closeout
catalog for under $10. It’s a good deal at that price. Not sure if I’d pay
$20 for it though.)

RADIANT STAR
by Eleanor Burns
Quilt in a Day Series 1990

Good book for making stars.

CONWAY ALBUM (I’M NOT FROM BALTIMORE) QUILT
by Irma Gail Hatcher

This is a Baltimore style quilt done in a blue design scheme. Each of
the blocks in her design could be used to make a wonderful quilt of that
block alone. However, the whole quilt is a stunner. It’s the one that
won first place for Innovative Applique, large quilt AND the Founders
Award at the American International Quilt Show in Houston.

FIT TO BE TIED
by Judy Hopkins
That Patchwork Place

There is a whole (wonderful) book of bow tie quilts.

FRIENDSHIP’S OFFERING: Techniques and Inspiration for Writing on Quilts
by Susan McKelvey

Another helpful book for anyone who wants to write on quilts.

SASHIKO FOR MACHINE SEWING
by Janet K. Rostocki
Summa Design

These designs are cleverly constructed so that they can be continuously
sewn on the machine. Five classic designs are included and 8 new designs.
They could all be handsewn if you wanted to do that. Each is given in
two sizes.

JACKET JAZZ ($21.95)
by Judy Murrah
AQS

One woman in my guild made a jacket in it and just raved about
the book. She said it was totally lucid, thorough, etc.
—-
This book has a nifty way to make Prairie Points from a strip of fabric. I’ve
tried it for trim on a vest and it was very easy.
—-
This book has 5 wonderful jacket patterns in it. In the book, she shows how to
do 36 different things to put on a jacket. A few will look very familiar to
most quilters such as a strip of flying geese, though making it without cutting
any triangles may be a new technique. Some such as woven prairie points I had
never seen or heard mentioned before, though I know we have mentioned the
standard prairie points before.

NEW JERSEY QUILTS 1777 to 1950
by the Heritage Quilt Project of New Jersey

I have a number of state-oriented quilt history books and this one, which
focuses more on the quilts than the makers, I find to be outstanding.

WATERCOLOR QUILTS ($24.95)
by Pat Maixner Magaret & Donna Ingram Slusser
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA 1993

Great instructional book on making watercolor quilts.

WEEKEND LOG CABIN QUILTS
by Marti Michell
American School of Needlework (quilt as you go books)

TEXTILE DESIGNS ($65.00)
Susan Meller and Joost Elffers
AQS, Paducah, KY

This book is expensive but worth it if you are a fabric collector. This book
has some introductory discussion of the the production of types of textiles,
and then the rest is color plates of examples from a collection that has over
5,000,000 “fabrics of the common man” – not the fancy brocades, etc., but
paisleys, calicoes, leaves and foliage, conversationals, block prints, and on,
and on – the kind of stuff that many of us in our quilts.
——
Most of its 461 pages are filled with excellent color pictures (1,823
illustrations in color) of fabrics we’d all like to have. Color reproduction is
good and the pictures are large so that you can see the pattern detail. My only
serious criticism of the book is that reproductions are not all full-size or
even to the same scale. Page layout seems to have dictated the scale of
reproduction, and on the same page there are illustrations at 50%, 68% and 70%
full size, on other pages 27%, 100%, 120% and 150%. I suppose we should
appreciate the indication of scale included for each sample.

Although the book is expensive, it is not overpriced for a large format
art book with full-color illustrations on good quality paper. It has a
sewn binding and is very sturdily put together.

QUILTING AND QUILT-RELATED BOOKS COMPILED FOR QUILTNETTERS
(An alphabetical listing)

120 Patterns for Traditional Patchwork quilts
by Maggie Malone
Sterling Publishing, NY 1983

Patterns in this book range from easy to hard; from well-known designs to more
obscure patterns. Some of the patterns you may have never seen before since
they were reproduced from museum quilts.

AMERICA’S TRADITIONAL CRAFTS ($95)
by Robert Shaw
Macmillan, N.Y. 1993.

Wonderful book. Wonderful color photos…quilts and a lot more…
very oversize… BEAUTIFUL…

AMERICAN QUILT: A History of Cloth and Comfort 1750-1950, $60
Text: Roderick Kiracofe with Mary Elizabeth Johnson
Photos: Sharon Risendorph
Published by Clarkson Potter, New York

Buy it, it’s gorgeous and you will learn a ton of stuff about
quilting that you never know–extremely well researched, beautifully
designed book, nice typefaces, photography excellent of course–
—-
This is a beautiful book. It has several features I like, including
a time line about quilt styles and fabrics. The photographs are
unusually clear and brilliant. It is expensive; however, you
will find it sold by the discount retailers. I have seen it listed
for $48.

ANGLE ANTICS ($18.95)
by Mary Hickey
That Patchwork Place, 1991

Explores the design potential of a rectangle constructed of two contrasting
triangles (called bias rectangle). It also provides you with a technique for
constructing this rectangle quickly and accurately. (Most patterns are star
patterns.)

AMISH ADVENTURE, AN (A Workbook for Color in Quilts) ($15.95)
by Roberta Horton
C&T Publishing, Lafyette, CA 1983

Very good book.

AMISH QUILT, THE ($45)
by Eve Wheatcroft Grannick
1989, Good Books, Intercourse Pennsylvania

Not only beautiful Amish quilts, but also their stories and a view on the
communities and eras from which they come. A great body of information about
the Amish and their textile traditions. Facts presented through interviews and
conversations with Amish families and with people whose lives have touched the
Amish people, including many who sold fabrics to these seamstresses.

APPLIQUE: 12 EASY WAYS
by Elly Sienkiewicz.

Excellent book on various applique techniques. She starts out with basic
methods and moves on to more specialized techniques. This books gives you
a solid foundation in applique.

APPLIQUE PATTERNS FROM NATIVE AMERICAN BEADWORK DESIGNS ($14.95)
by Dr. Joyce Mori
AQS, Paducah, KY

Great for anyone interested in this subject matter. Most of the designs in
this book are adapted from beaded objects made by members of Native American
Indian tribes located in five major regions in North America.

BACK TO SQUARE ONE ($17.99)
by Nancy J. Martin
That Patchwork Place 1988

Great book featuring Nancy Martin’s personal quiltmaking techniques (template-
free approach).
—-
She shows how to make what she calls a Square 1, Square
1.5 or Square 2. Square 1 is made of 2 triangles. This is what you need for
Ocean Waves. Square 1.5 is made of one big triangles and 2 little ones. Square
2 is made of 4 little triangles. I am making a huge wall hanging that uses all
of these different squares and it is working wonderfully!

BEST OF THE CLASSIC QUILT SERIES, THE
by Laura Nownes.

This book is chock full of great photos and patterns (and instructions) for
many “classic” quilt designs (cathedral windows and grandmother’s flower garden
to name only two).

BITS AND PIECES, TEXTILE TRADITIONS
by Jeanette Lasansky

This books contains essays/thesis on history and other aspects: the
relationship between late 19th c. dress fabrics & quilt devel., other
fascinating things.

BRAID & CHEVRON UPDATED
by Camille Remme
ME Publications Santa Monica, CA 1993

45 variations of making braid and chevron borders from one traditional pattern.

BLOCKBUSTER QUILTS
by Margaret Miller

An unusual approach to setting odd blocks (i.e., block of the month,
friendship blocks, good bye blocks, or blocks that are not all quite the same
size) into a quilt top. More for the advanced piecer. Very original.

CONWAY ALBUM (I’M NOT FROM BALTIMORE) QUILT
by Irma Gail Hatcher

This is a Baltimore style quilt done in a blue design scheme. Each of
the blocks in her design could be used to make a wonderful quilt of that
block alone. However, the whole quilt is a stunner. It’s the one that
won first place for Innovative Applique, large quilt AND the Founders
Award at the American International Quilt Show in Houston.

COUNTRY QUILTS IN A DAY ($14.95)
by Fran Roen
Sterling Publishing Co, NY 1991

This book uses strip quilting and other speed techniques.
Very simplistic. Good for a person interested in teaching themselves
how to quilt.

COUNTRY QUILTS BY COUNTRY LIVING ($25.00)
Text by Eleanor Levie, Jennifer Place and Mary Seehafer Sears
Hearst Books, New York 1992

More than 10 years worth of Country Living’s favorite country quilts, offering
instructions and pattern pieces for making twenty of them. Over 100 examples
of how quilts can personalize every room in the house, adding color and graphic
impact to any space.

CRIB QUILTS AND OTHER SMALL WONDERS ($29.50)
by Thos. K. Woodward & Blanche Greenstein
Bonanza Books, New York 1988 edition

Lots of colorful quilts.

COMPLETE BOOK OF MACHINE QUILTING, THE
by Robbie and Toby Fanny
(Chilton Needlework Series), 1980

Discusses frame basting on pages 58-65, with ilustrations on pages 60 and 62 of
the materials, the components, the frame set up and in use.

COMPLETE BOOK OF SEMINOLE PATCHWORK, THE ($7.95)
Rush, Beverly with Lassie Wittman
New York: Dover, 1993.

This is the book for anyone interested in Seminole patchwork. I have two other
books on the topic and have seen others at the library–THIS is the one to buy.

—-
It’s a reprint of the 1982 edition which has been out of print for some time.
It’s just $7.95 from I was born and raised in S. Florida and just adore the
Seminole patchwork. This is the first book I’ve seen that’s had something of
an accurate history, too.

QUILT CLIP ART ($10.95)
by Cheryl Petersen
Quiltessence/Fine Publications

It’s a nice little book that has all kinds of sewing-related images, quilt
borders, the word QUILT in various fonts and stylings, little quilts
flying pigs, thimbles and thread.

The nice part about this publisher is that you can order DISKS of
all the clip art (a necessity if you don’t own a scanner!) The clip
art is available for MACs in pict form on 3.5″ disks. It is also
available for the IBM or clone, but you must call or write to them and
give them your graphic requirements.

COLOR WASH WORKBOOK ($12.95)
by Shirley Liby
Graphics Unlimited, 1993

This book is the result of Liby’s creative play and her approach to the process
of color wash through a series of modules that seemed to simplify the whole
idea for her.

I like this book because it is in black and white and, therefore, easier to
separate values. There are also a lot of grids that you can copy and play
around with your own designs.

COLOR CONFIDENCE FOR QUILTERS ($24.95)
by Jinny Beyer
The Quilt Digest Press, 1992

This is Jinny’s color system based on the use of a master palette of fabric
colors that span the spectrum. By following the instructions in this book, you
create your own master palette that you can use as a tool for color choices
for all of your future quilting projects. After creating your own color
palette, you will learn how to create countless color schemes just by taking
small sections of the palette, or by rearranging portions of it.

This book definitely helps you to gain confidence in choosing colors for your
projects.

CONTEMPORARY QUILTS FROM TRADITIONAL DESIGNS ($9.50 used)
by Carolyn L. Mosey
E. P. Dutton Publishers, New York 1988

This book takes a comparative look at the physical changes in the art of
quilting through the years. While the overall appearance of quilts has
changed, many contemporary quiltmakers keep coming back to traditional
patterns. The artists represented in this book share their feelings on the
history of quilting, the direction in which it is going and their viewpoints on
several quilt-related topics.

Interesting. Provides a traditional quilt on one side of the page and a
quilter’s contemporary rendition of the same pattern on the other.

COLLECTOR SCRAP QUILTS
(Book II in the Collector Quilt Series)
by Marti Michell
American School of Needlework, San Marcos, CA 1992

Second book in the collector series that features design inspiration from
antique quilts. Pretty good instructional book.

COLOR AND CLOTH: THE QUILTMAKER’S ULTIMATE WORKBOOK ($19.95)
by Mary Coyne Penders
The Quilt Digest Press, 1989

This is another good “color confidence” book. Underrated, probably because of
Jinny Beyer’s book.

COLOR DESIGN IN PATCHWORK
by Paula Nadelstern
Dover Publications 1991

Explores how color can be used to vary one and the same patchwork
configuration. Depending on the placement of color and the resulting degree of
contrast, different shapes in a pieced pattern are emphasized and visually
linked. Usually some shapes combine to form the main unit of design, while
remaining ones are interpreted as background.

COLORFUL ANGLES
(Triangles, Diamonds & Hexagons With a Contemporary Look)
by Susan Stein
EZ International 1993

This book combines the use of applique, traditional blocks, hand
dyed fabrics and the EZ tools (EZ Angle, Companion Angle, Easy Eight, Easy
Hexagon, Speed grids, trapezoids) to create very contemporary designs. 16
projects. I think this is a good book.

CLUES IN THE CALICO; A Guide to Identifying and Dating
Antique Quilts ($39.95)
by Barbara Brackman.
EPM Publications, 1989.

There are black and white and color pictures and examples and descriptions of
quilts characteristic of different periods. It is one of the best researched
and written quilt books I have encountered, and I have more than 300 books. I
put this in the top ten. Libraries and quilt guilds should have it.

Barbara Brackman also writes articles on quilt history for Quilters Newsletter
magazine. During the past year or so she has been writing about fabrics and how
to date them. I think she has done something on fabrics of the ’40s, ’50s and
later, but I can’t locate the issue at the moment.

EAST QUILTS WEST ($24.95)
by Kumiko Sodo

It is wonderful!!! She has many patterns that have instructions for an
average to advanced quilter. Her patterns are not, on the most part, for the
faint of heart. The best part, is the ideas which spring forth from her many
designs. I very, very seldom use a design, even if given permission – I like
to make my own designe. Her book is an inspiration. I hate to piece curves,
so I have been appliqueing them down on top of the under piece after turning
under the edge. This is how she “pieces” her curves. The book is rich in
color and in interestingly narrated. Her use of color is wonderful.
It is not a cheap book, but I would definitely recommend it.

ENCYCLOPEDIA OF QUILTING TECHNIQUES, THE ($24.95)
by Katherine Guerrier
Running Press, Philadelphia, PA 1994

Excellent book. Colorful. Describes: techniques, block construction (she
gives you step by step instructions on how to make some of the more common
blocks (with color illustrations of each step) rotary cutting, special effects,
applique, quilting, finishing, etc. Toward the back of the book are gorgeous
quilts to truly inspire you.

This is a great reference book, great for beginners but can be used by
seasoned quilters as well. A must for every quilter’s library.

EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK ($10.00)
by Ami Simms
Mallery Press, Flint, MI 1990

Over 500 tricks, tips, and tidbits for quilters .

EASY MACHINE PAPER PIECING
by Carol Doak
That Patchwork Place

I surrender — I am a believer. I attended a workshop last night on
foundation/paper piecing based on Carol Doak’s book “Easy Machine Paper
Piecing”. It works, by golly, it works. What a treat — and I can turn
out such perfectly precise blocks. It’s wonderful. If you haven’t tried
it, you should — attending a class really helps because you see how it’s
done live.

ESSENTIAL QUILTER, THE
by Barbara Chainey ($29 .95)

A wonderful book. It is a complete course in the lost art of hand quilting. It
covers everything you might need to know, and the clear photos show you how to
hold the needle, etc. The quilts are all Welsh or English, many are
“whole-cloth” (all-quilted) quilts with beautiful feathers, scrolls, etc. Very
inspirational.

FOLK QUILTS AND HOW TO RECREATE THEM ($14.95)
by Audrey & Douglas Wiss
Sterling/Main Street, NY 1990

This book presents a wide selection of traditional designs for the modern
quilter which have been tested over time. They are presented in their original
colors and special configurations. Some date back as far as the 18th century;
others became popular as late as the 1930s. A few are worked in wool or silk;
most are piecd of plain or printed cottons. All were made in America and
display a variety of piecing, applique and quilting techniques.
I like this collection.

FAST PATCH – A TREASURY OF STRIP QUILT PROJECTS ($17.95)
by Anita Hallock
Chilton Book Co., Radnor, PA 1989

This is a very good book for beginners and everyone else. A new strip
technique for making triangles.

Step-by-step instructions. By making a checkerboard and turning it on the
bias, you can learn to cut strips of triangles, opening up a whole range of
traditional blocks like the Ohio Star and sawtooth borders.

FABULOUS FABRICS OF THE 50s (And Other Terrific Textiles of the
20s, 30s, and 40s)
by Gideon Bosker, John Gramstad, Michele Mancini
Chronicle Books, San Francisco.

This one focuses on drape/upholstry fabrics of those years and is great for the
history and wonderful (often weird) color combinations of the fabrics.

FIT TO BE TIED
by Judy Hopkins
That Patchwork Place

There is a whole (wonderful) book of bow tie quilts.

FRIENDSHIP’S OFFERING: Techniques and Inspiration for Writing on Quilts
by Susan McKelvey

Another helpful book for anyone who wants to learn the techniques of writing
on quilts.

GALLERY OF AMERICAN QUILTS: 1860-1989: Book 2
American Quilting Society

If you want inspiration and if only American quilts will do, this is the book!

GALLERY OF AMISH QUILTS, A ($9.95)
(Design Diversity from a Plain People)
by Robert Bishop and Elizabeth Safanda
E.P. Dutton, NY 1976 (first published)

Great collection (150) of Amish quilts in color. Splendid black-and-white
photographs of the Amish people and countryside. Also, a comprehensive
introduction provides the cultural and aesthetic background for viewing
these quilts.

GO WILD WITH QUILTS ($19.95)
by Margaret Rolfe
That Patchwork Place

This book has a lot of North American wildlife — birds, squirrels, owls, black
bears etc.
—-
It uses straightline piecing methods (no inset pieces) to create realistic
looking animals and birds (cardinal, beaver, racoon etc.)

HAPPY ENDINGS
(Finishing the Edges of Your Quilt)
by Mimi Dietrich
That Patchwork Place 1987

Great book for ideas and instructions on finishing your quilt.
This book belongs in every quilter’s collection.

HEIRLOOM MACHINE QUILTING
by Harriet Hargrave

This is probably the best book available on machine quilting.
A must!!

HOW TO DESIGN AND MAKE YOUR OWN QUILTS ($19.95)
by Katharine Guerrier
Mallard Press, 1991

Good book.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR QUILTING STITCH
by Ami Simms
Mallery Press, Flint, Michigan

Great instructional book on perfecting hand quilting stitch.

JACKET JAZZ ($21.95)
by Judy Murrah
AQS

One woman in
my guild made a jacket in it and just raved about
the book. She said it was totally lucid, thorough, etc.
—-
This book has a nifty way to make Prairie Points from a strip of fabric. I’ve
tried it for trim on a vest and it was very easy.
—-
This book has 5 wonderful jacket patterns in it. In the book, she shows how to
do 36 different things to put on a jacket. A few will look very familiar to
most quilters such as a strip of flying geese, though making it without cutting
any triangles may be a new technique. Some such as woven prairie points I had
never seen or heard mentioned before, though I know we have mentioned the
standard prairie points before.

JAPANESE QUILTS ($24.95)
by Jill Liddell & Yuko Watanabe
E.P.Dutton, NY 1988

Beautiful collection of Japanese quilts, along with great stories.

MACHINE PIECING & QUILTING (Teach Yourself)
by Debra Wagner
Chilton Book Company, Radnor, PA

Beginning with guidelines for choosing a sewing machine, using templates,
selecting and preparing fabrics for quilting; guides you with friendly,
step-by-step instructions.

MY MOTHER’S QUILTS/DESIGNS FROM THE THIRTIES
by Sara Nephew,
That Patchwork Place

I love this one — it really got me into 30s quilts — and it’s my inspiration,
since I just purchased two 30s tops that need batting, backing,etc.

MORE LAP QUILTING
by Georgia Bonesteel

There is an “Offset Maple Leaf” pattern in this book also complete with
templates. This particular block contains one large maple leaf and three little
maple leaves, all pointing in the same direction. Personally, I think she does
one odd thing with this block, namely leveling off the bottom of the leaves.
But that’s easily fixed. And as a definite amateur, I probably shouldn’t be
questioning the wisdom of quilting teacher.

MEMORY QUILTS: DELIGHTFUL WAYS TO CAPTURE TODAY FOREVER
by Nancy Smith and Lynda Milligan

I picked up a couple books to give me ideas when I was designing and
constructing one for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

NEW SAMPLER QUILT, THE
by Diane Leone

I was flipping through this book yesterday and I found what I thought to be a
great tip. She suggests that early in the day (or whenever you have a minute)
to thread a bunch of betweens with quilting thread. That way when you sit down
to quilt, they will all be ready to go, no stopping to thread and knot!

NIFTY NINE PATCHES
by Carolann M. Palmer

If anyone ever thought ninepatches were humdrum, this should change their mind.
This book also has good instructions on quick rotary cutting and piecing
techniques. My two favorites in this book were the Trellis Garden which looks
like a trellis of interlocking rings with a bright flower garden growing
through it and Morning Dew which I would have called Mideastern Fruit Salad. If
anyone knows the name and maker of the brightly colored fruit fabric used in
this example, I would love to know.

NINE PATCH WONDERS
by Blanche Young and Helen Young Frost
First Star publishers, Tucson, Arizona 1991

Shows what can be done with a nine patch block (interesting color plays,
optical illusions, three dimensional woven effects).

The best of traditional designs as well as some original variations. Some
quilts are made with all Nine Patch blocks; others combine the pieced blocks
with background blocks. Others are variations on the Double Nine Patch design,
where pieced blocks are joined with plain squares to form large Nine Patch
blocks. Combining the 9Patch with other shapes, such as rectangles or
triangles, creates even more variations.

NEW QUILTING AND PATCHWORK DICTIONARY, THE ($12.95)
by Goldberg, Rhoda Ochser
New York: Crown, 1988.

This should be in EVERY quilter’s library. It has 1,740 illustrations, which
includes all the “classics” of our repetoire plus many charming original
designs (a baby bottle block, international signal flags, a pieced panda,
etc.)All black and white illustrations, but so comprehensive most people won’t
even notice!

NEW JERSEY QUILTS 1777 to 1950
by the Heritage Quilt Project of New Jersey

I have a number of state-oriented quilt history books and this one, which
focuses more on the quilts than the makers, I find to be outstanding.

ON TO SQUARE TWO ($17.49)
by Marsha McCloskey
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA 1992

Thirty pieced block designs that contain the Square Two unit (a continuation of
Back to Square One) and related bias strip-pieced units. Also contains a how
to section on the construction details of bias strip piecing half-square units
(Square One), quarter-square units (Square Two) and two other related pieced
units. General instructions for machine piecing and rotary cutting are
provided in the back of the book.

ONE-OF-A-KIND QUILTS
(Simple Steps to Individual Quilts) ($16.95)
by Judy Martin
That Patchwork Place 1989

One-of-a-Kind Quilts are structured scrap quilts–everyday quilts that feature
a planned theme or focal area surrounded by blocks made in a variety of
patterns, with the overall design developing as the piece is made.

This book takes you step-by-step through the theme blocks and the background
blocks, covering everything from cutting and construction techniques to the
creative decisions that are made along the way. Suggestions for completing the
quilts are included. Master templates and quick-cutting information for the
background blocks are provided toward the end of the book. An excellent book.

PAINLESS BORDERS
by Sally Schneider

This book presents 16 cleverly designed quilts and borders in which the border
is pieced along with the quilt. My favorite is the twisted ribbon border
which looks like a double sided twisted ribbon cascading along the border.
She provides lots of suggestions for clever and fast cutting/piecing.

PATCHWORK PATTERNS ($18.95)
Jinny Beyer
EPM Publications, Inc., McLean, VA 1979

This book is written for those who have an interest in using traditional
geometric designs or a desire to create their own original motifs.

It explains in a systematic manner a method of drafting patterns which has, in
large, been put aside, and about which no comprehensive book has been written.
She also explains a few simple drafting techniques which are particularly
useful in making geometric designs.

PATCHWORK PLANNER, THE: 350 Original Designs for Traditional Patchwork $27.95
by Birte Hilberg, 1993
David & Charles, Brunel House, Newton, Abbot, Devon.

She did seven years in research and development, using a specially devised
computer program (help from her husband), and presents 350 new designs, using
combinations of these simple blocks. “This collection provides a rich source
of fresh and original ideas to delight all patchworkers, and all designers who
use geometric patterns.”

I found it very interesting and expect to read it again and again, and will use
it when attempting to design quilts of my own using Adobe Illustrator. She has
come up with figures, circular designs, lots in color, lots in black and white
that could be colored in wonderful ways. She presents her “Tile Library,” which
could easily be duplicated on the computer (so you could manipulate your own).
The blocks/tiles are simple. She hand pieces, but most can be machine pieced
easily.

Lots of ideas for developing one’s own original designs.

PATTERN PLAY: CREATING YOUR OWN QUILTS ($24.95)
by Doreen Speckmann
C & T Publishing, Lafayette, California 1993
(Not for beginners)

Introduces you to an easy and fun way to design your own blocks on graph paper,
then put those blocks into interesting quilt designs. Discusses fabric
selection and the techniques necessary for turning graph paper quilts into real
ones. Provides scale drawings and photos of some of her favorite quilts,
complete with yardages and size-change options.
——
Down to earth, easy-to-understand method to making your own designs.
Excellent, excellent book. She writes with a sense of humour and
shows loads of examples to get you thinking. It’s an excellent back
door entrance to a more “creative” side of quilting for those technician
types who don’t think they “have” creativity.

PATTERN ON PATTERN
by Ruth McDowell

This is an excellent book.

PRECISION PIECED QUILTS USING THE FOUNDATION METHOD
by Jane Hall and Dixie Haywood

I like this book because it offers a good history, well-described theory and
practical examples of piecing on a variety of foundations. It’s well
written and very nicely illustrated with b&w photos, color plates and
instructional line drawings.

PIECES OF THE PAST
by Nancy Martin
That Patchwork Place

PLAIN AND SIMPLE
by Sue Bender

She tells of her fascination with the vibrant colors and stunning geometric
simplicity of the Amish quilts. The quilts “spoke directly to me…they went
straight to my heart.” I highly recommend the book. It was after reading her
book that I started learning how to quilt.

PATCHWORK QUILTS TO MAKE FOR CHILDREN
by Margaret Rolfe
Sterling Publishing Co. Inc. New York

I can attest to both of these books as great sources for easily
pieced animal blocks. The GO WILD book was a great hit when we
had it for the book draw at our guild meeting. It contains 14
North American Animals (racoon, beaver, ducks etc).
—-
My favorite for children. This book hasas a whole zoo, patterns for many
dinosaurs, farm animals, etc. In my opinion they are more fun than
traditional blocks and make finding naturalistic fabrics fun too.

PAINLESS PATCHWORK ($14.95)
by Rosemary Donoughue
Sally Milner Publishing, Australia 1991

Quick modern methods for traditional quilts. This is a very good book for
making the quilts. Instructions are very easy to follow. Great for beginners.

No color.

QUILTS: Identification and Price Guide
by Liz Greenbacker and Kathleen Barach. ($14.00 paper).

(340 pages). This book include such topics as: why collect quilts, how to start
a collection, history of quilts and quilting, dating a quilt (about30 pages
devoted to this chapter), condition, workmanship, repair and finishing,
care/cleaning/storage/display, trends in the marketplace, and seven chapters
under the heading of PRICE LISTINGS, such as antique pieced quilts,
contemporary quilts, art quilts, African American quilts.

QUILTING BY MACHINE ($19.95)
Singer
Cy DeCosse Inc., Minnesota 1990

Beginner’s book. (not machine quilting). Quite pictorial. Instructions are
very easy to follow.

Can be used as a learning tool if you are sewing your first quilt or as a
reference if you have had quilting experience. The piecing, applique, and
quilting techniques that are included in this book are quick, easy machine
methods. If more than one technique is shown, the easier technique is first.

QUILTS AND QUILTING ($17.95)
by Threads magazine
The Taunton Press, 1991

Series of articles drawn from the first 35 issues of Threads magazine, more
than two dozen master quiltmakers share their ideas and techniques.

Great collection!

QUILTS AMONG THE PLAIN PEOPLE
by Rachel T. Pellman and Joanne Ranck
Good Books, Lancaster, PA 1981

Very good study of the amish and their quilts

QUILTING & PATCHWORK DICTIONARY ($12.95)
by Rhoda Ochser Goldberg
1988 Crown Publishers, Inc.

Good reference book.

QUILTING AND INFLUENCES ($29.95)
by Nancy Crow
AQS, Paducah, KY

Nancy, with the help of lots of pictures, explains how she uses her
instinctive eye for color and design to create quilt art. 256 pages offer
more than 300 photos, most in full color arangement showing Nancy’s use
of color and unusual fabrics. She also talks about her family and how
they influenced her life as far as quilting is concerned.

Good coffee table book.

QUILTS SEW QUILT
by Nancy J. Smith and Lynda Milligan

This is the one that has the Ivy Trellis Pattern in it that I asked about on
QuiltNet last fall and noone could find the pattern for. It has a number of
other interesting patterns in it for large print fabrics.

QUILT ALMANAC 19xx
by Oxmoor House

These are some of my favorites too. The quilts range from very simple
to very difficult. The patterns are good and I enjoy the biographies.
There’s a chapter each year on group quilts or guild quilts and someday
I expect I’ll see a QuiltNet quilt featured there!

QUILT STORIES
by Cecilia Macheski, editor
Lexington: The University of Kentucky Press, 1994.

This wonderful book is a collection of poems, short stories, and other prose
works by various authors over the past 150-200 years, all dealing somehow with
quilts and quilting. The book is divided into 5 sections (“blocks”), each
named for specific quilt blocks: Memory Blocks (“Stories of Remembrance and
Meaning”), Double Wedding Ring (“Stories of Community and Courtship”), Radical
Rose (“Stories of Struggle and Change”), Wheel of Mystery (“Stories of Murder
and Mystery”), and Old Maid’s Ramble (“Stories of Age and Wisdom”). The
introduction explains the blocks and the stories a bit, and the editor explains
how quilting provided an important link in literature written by women
(although there are a couple of selections from male authors).

QUILTING WITH STYLE ($24.95)
by Marston & Cunningham

I would like to list a book that several people in my guild highly recommend as
a “every quilter must have” book.

QUILTING BY DESIGN
by Marston and Cunningham

Linda asked about how to arrive at quilting designs. I had many of the same
questions, and kept looking for the right book to answer them. This book does
so. I highly recommend it.

QUICK COUNTRY QUILTS
by Debbie Mumm

Very explicit instructions using quick piecing methods, well laid out book,
lots of photos and diagrams. Apples, leaves, cows, sewing machines, sheep,
cats, bunnies, tulips, hearts, houses, etc etc all in the “country” style.
—-
This book has lots of “cute” small projects that are relatively easy to make.
I made the “Alley Cats” as a going away present a few years ago and the
recipient loved it.

QUILTMAKER’S GUIDE: Basics and Beyond
by Carol Doak

There is a neat pieced maple leaf pattern in this book. It shows four standard
pieced maple leaves set in a block so that each maple leaf is pointing towards
a different corner.

QUILT PROJECTS BY MACHINE
by Singer, 1992

There is a small section on Bow Ties (about a half doz or so pages) in this
book. It shows several arrangements: traditional, zigzag, octagonal,
staggered.
There are a couple of neat arrangements using color (oh, no, I’m starting
to write “American”!) gradations, as well as scrap, necktie fabrics and
amish colours. It gives a couple of ideas for borders and sashings as well.

QUILT A KOALA
by Margaret Rolfe.
Sterling Publishing

Another fun book. This one has patterns for pieced blocks featuring native
Austrailian birds and animals.

QUILTER’S PATTERN WORKBOOK ($12.95)
by Kristin Olsen

This book has templates for the bow tie block and demonstrates how the block
can be arranged with different colors at least 10 times. I’ve yet to read the
book in detail, but she does this with many patterns and it looks really neat!

QUILTER’S GUIDE TO ROTARY CUTTING, THE ($17.95)
by Donna Poster
Chilton Book Company, Radnor, PA 1991

Good technical reference book on rotary speed cutting ; Over 1,000 speed-cut
shapes.

QUILTER’S COLOR WORKBOOK: Unlimited Designs from
Easy-to-Make Quilt Blocks ($12.95)
by Kirstin Olsen
Sterling Publishing Co., INc., New York 1990

For a beginner: shows multiple color combinations for a number of quilt
patterns; provides ten or twenty starting points. Lots of quilt blocks in a
variety of color combinations: pinwheel, ohio star, chimney sweep, mosaic,
triangles, wrench, double-nine patch, rabbit’s paw, bow-tie, hexagon, pineapple
log cabin, log cabin, lone star, tumbling blocks, and irish chain.

Also provides piecing instructions for each block.

QUICK & EASY QUILTMAKING ($26.95)
by Mary Hickey, Nancy J. Martin, Marsha McCloskey and Sara Nephew
That Patchwork Place, 1993

This book introduces cutting techniques originated by each of the authors.
Teaches the authors’ special techniques for making quilts with a variety of
triangular shapes. Organized for easy use. Good for a beginner. 26 projects
featuring speedy cutting and piecing methods

Tips are presented on various pages throughout the book to help clarify a
technique or to teach a fast (er) way to do something. This book worth it just
for the tips presented throughout.

QUILTS! QUILTS!! QUILTS!!! ($21.95)
The Complete Guide to Quiltmaking
by Diana McClun and Laura Nownes
The Quilt Digest Press, 1988

Great book.

Includes patterns that beginning quiltmakers can complete successfully, as well
as designs an experienced quiltmaker will enjoy working with. Popular and
traditional patterns–and all the instructions for the techniques required to
make them.

The patterns are arranged in a progressive sequence, incorporating new designs
and utilizing more difficult techniques as you move from the simpler patterns
to the more complex. Some patterns require more precise work than others, but
with careful work all can be completed by the quiltmaker who begins with the
simpler patterns, moving onward as experience warrants.

QUILTS, QUILTS, AND MORE QUILTS
by McClun and Nownes.

This book is just as good as their first book (see above).

QUILTER’S ALBUM OF BLOCKS AND BORDERS
Jinny Beyer

Great black and white illustrations of blocks to give you ideas for blocks and
the shading of the blocks. (re: black and white quilts).

ROMANCE OF THE PATCHWORK QUILT IN AMERICA, THE
by Hall and Kretsinger

(answer to question on pattern for Seven Sisters) Thi book has a picture of a
“Seven Stars” block on p. 54 that appears to be a similar, if not identical,
pattern.

RADIANT STAR
by Eleanor Burns
Quilt in a Day Series 1990

Good book for making stars.

ROTARY ROUNDUP
Judy Hopkins & Nancy Martin
That Patchwork Place

Both books (Rotary Riot below) have about 40 color prints of quilts. These
quilts are made from traditional block patterns and have instructions for
rotary cutting and quick piecing. Nancy Martin owns the publishing company
that published these two books.
—-
I had Rotary Riot, so I had to buy this one too and I’m not one bit sorry. I
love to get ideas and inspiration from these books and this one is full of
great colors,beautiful quilts. Their books are the only ones I use when I need
to make bias binding as it shows the flat cut method. The only times I tried
to do the continuous circle, it ends up in a mess.

ROTARY RIOT: 40 Fast & Fabulous Quilts ($21.95)
by Judy Hopkins and Nancy J. Martin
That Patchwork Place 1991

The authors of this book take 40 traditional blocks that appeal to many
quiltmakers and adapted their construction to template-free techniques. Begins
with Nancy’s basic review of rotary-cutting techniques and information on
multi-fabric quilts. The pattern section includes step-by-step directions for
forty favorite quilts, all clearly illustrated and written in a Template-Free
format. Some of the patterns feature bias squares, some cut with 8″ Bias
Square and several use simple strip-piecing techniques. The patterns are
graded with symbols as to difficulty (beginner, intermediate, advanced). Judy
has written a section on Finishing Your Quilt and has included some of the
overall repeat quilting patterns for which she is known. Also included is
information on crow footing, utility quilting and other tacking techniques.

REMEMBER ME; Women and their Friendship Quilts
Lipsett, Linda Otto.
San Francisco, Quilt Digest Press, 1985.
Pb, 140 p, col & b/w ill.

One of the very best quilt books ever Linda Otto Lipsett began with her own
collection of 19th century friendship quilts. Her book tells the stories of
eight women and eight quilts made between 1840 and 1895. Many of the stories
are sad stories of leaving family and comfortable homes in the East to
undertake arduous journeys in pursuit of new homes in the West. Using letters,
diaries, interviews and the quilts themselves the author unfolds the everyday
lives of eight real women, following them from youth to old age. Photos show
the women, their families, their homes, and especially their quilts. The
excellent color photographs show full quilts, details of blocks, signatures
and ornaments, and the best close-ups of 19th century fabrics I have seen.
There are also pictures of other typical friendship quilts, patterns for three
quilts prepared by Laura Nownes, and complete references and bibliography.

SMALL AMISH QUILT PATTERNS
by Rachel Pellman
Good Books, Intercourse, PA 1985

Patterns for making small amish quilts.

STRIP QUILTING ($14.95)
by Diane Wold
TAB Books, Div. of McGraw Hill 1987

I love this little book. It’s perfect for those who are into piecing and
repiecing (seminole patchwork take off). It’s very easy to follow.

It contains complete instructions, including diagrams, cutting instructions,
and a shopping list, for each of the projects illustrated. Pointers are given
for modifying projects, for adapting patterns from other sources and for
creating your own designs.

SIGNS AND SYMBOLS: African Images in African-American Quilts ($24.00)
by Maude Southwell Wahlman
Studio Books in association with Museum of American Folk Art, New York

This book introduces the art of African-American quiltmaking to the general
public. Her thesis is that most African-American quiltmaking derives its
aesthetic from various African traditionsk, both technological and ideological.

Provides an abundance of detailed information on African textiles, the history
of quiltmaking in India, Europe and the Americas and extensive interviews with
quilters.

Excellent.

SCRAP QUILTS
by Judy Martin
Moon Over the Mountain Publishing, Wheatridge, Colo 1985

Techniques plus patterns old and new for making quiltsa from collected fabrics.
Very nice, colorful quilts. I bought this book because I saw her quilt
“Tennessee Waltz” on display at the Great American Quilt Festival 1993 in New
York (quilt on page 60).

SHORTCUTS: A Concise Guide to Rotary Cutting
by Donna Thomas
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA 1991

Basic quick-cutting techniques plus a number of techniques that are expansions
of the basics.

SASHIKO FOR MACHINE SEWING
by Janet K. Rostocki
Summa Design

These designs are cleverly constructed so that they can be continuously
sewn on the machine. Five classic designs are included and 8 new designs.
They could all be handsewn if you wanted to do that. Each is given in
two sizes.

SENSATIONAL SETTINGS
(Over 80 ways to arrange your quilt blocks) ($9.95)
by Joan Hanson
That Patchwork Place 1993

Good book offering a lot of ideas/suggestions for arranging quilt blocks.

SPEED CUTS
by Donna Poster
Chilton for the Creative Machine Arts Series.

In it there are 1200 quilt blocks (although I would say that there
are only 500 designs but each can be constructed in one of three
sizes 10″ 12″ and 14″). Also, there is a quilt layout section that
shows how many blocks you will need for each size quilt depending on
whether you are putting the blocks together on point, straight set,
with lattice or any combination of these.

Of course, also included is a yardage chart based on the templates to
be used. And the templates themselves are in the back, numbered.

Note: Blocks are all in black and white.

STRIPS THAT SIZZLE
by Margaret Miller

My first B&W quilt was made using this book. It is a book primarily meant for
working in color, but I thought the technique worked extraordinarily well for
black and white. I believe that almost any quilt pattern could be used if you
watch your placement as to shading.

SMALL TALK
by Donna Thomas
That Patchwork Place.

I am very impressed with the progressive directions (from easiest to more
difficult) they are easy to follow and the pictures were inspiring. I would
highly recommend it.

SETS & BORDERS
by Marston & Cunningham, AQS

I have had this book a long time. It has lots of good photos, border ideas and
charts for planning them. I have found it inspirational and helpful.
—-
Wonderful color photos of quilts with comments about their settings/borders.
Also, a good look at how different borders can change a quilt. Finally,
patterns and ideas for a variety of borders. Really stimulatd my thinking and
I’m looking forward to trying some of the ideas.
—-
This’un shows lots’n’lots of possible ways to set blocks, and also a goodly
number of border possibilities. There are several cases where the book shows
essentially the same blocks in more than one quilt, but the borders and/or
setting vary. It’s one I use as an imagination trigger when I need to decide
on a border.

SENSATIONAL SCRAP QUILTS
by Darra Duffy Williamson

I like this book, particularly the section on selecting fabrics for scrap
quilts. I used her idea of making a reference card of all the colors in the
quilt (you take a small piece of each and organize them on a card in a
continuous line from light to dark, ignoring color) and it worked a treat on a
planned scrap quilt I made using about 40 pinks and greys.

QNM did a review and hated it, they said there was nothing new in it. I think
it is well laid out and gives you lots to think about.
—-
I learned a lot from this book. First, I discovered D.D. Williamsons theory of
the “Maverick” block in quilts using repeating blocks! That has helped me to
add more fun and excitement to my quilts. It also has a section on color use
and drafting patterns. I find I go back and read this book over and over.
Wonderful!

STAR QUILTS ($20)
by Mary Elizabeth Johnson
Clarkson Potter Publishers

Good collection of star quilts.
—-
I like this book. She is well organized and gives you some good photos and
directions. Haven’t tried anything from it yet. (I got it from a closeout
catalog for under $10. It’s a good deal at that price. Not sure if I’d pay
$20 for it though.)

TEXTILE DESIGNS ($65.00)
Susan Meller and Joost Elffers
AQS, Paducah, KY

This book is expensive but worth it if you are a fabric collector. This book
has some introductory discussion of the the production of types of textiles,
and then the rest is color plates of examples from a collection that has over
5,000,000 “fabrics of the common man” – not the fancy brocades, etc., but
paisleys, calicoes, leaves and foliage, conversationals, block prints, and on,
and on – the kind of stuff that many of us in our quilts.
——
Most of its 461 pages are filled with excellent color pictures (1,823
illustrations in color) of fabrics we’d all like to have. Color reproduction is
good and the pictures are large so that you can see the pattern detail. My only
serious criticism of the book is that reproductions are not all full-size or
even to the same scale. Page layout seems to have dictated the scale of
reproduction, and on the same page there are illustrations at 50%, 68% and 70%
full size, on other pages 27%, 100%, 120% and 150%. I suppose we should
appreciate the indication of scale included for each sample.

Although the book is expensive, it is not overpriced for a large format
art book with full-color illustrations on good quality paper. It has a
sewn binding and is very sturdily put together.

THREE-DIMENSIONAL APPLIQUE & EMBROIDERY ($24.95)
by Anita Shackelford

A beautiful book!!
For those of you interested in these two subjects this is a
wonderful book. Good instructions, illustrations and patterns.
It is hard back, 151 glossy pages and 9-1/4 x 12-1/4 in size

THREE-DIMENSIONAL DESIGN ($18.95)
by Katie Pasquini
C&T Publishing, Lafayette, CA 1988

Detailed discussion of how to make objects appear three-dimensional.
Lots of her quilts (in color).

TENDER LOVING COVERS
by Toni Phillips and Juanita Simonich

This is a WONDERFUL book of children’s quilts with great designs,
mostly pieced. They are crib/wall quilt size but there is no reason
they could not be incorporated into a large quilt, if you wish. One
quilt is called Wheels & More Wheels and has a tow truck, fire
engine, ambulance, and police car, so it is not strictly trucks. In
addition to this, there are the following: Astronaut, farm, cowboy,
circus, zoo, christmas, a school quilt.

TAKING THE MATH OUT OF MAKING PATCHWORK QUILTS ($6.95)
by Bonnie Leman & Judy Martin
Leman Publications 1981

Charts, tables, measurements, sizes, facts, figures, and helpful information
for planning quilts. A must for every quilter.

TWENTY LITTLE PATCHWORK QUILTS
by Gwen Marston and Joe Cunningham
Dover Publications, NY 1990

Miniatures quilts. Includes templates and quilting designs

TEMPLATES FOR 171 NINE-PATCH QUILT BLOCKS
by Rita Weiss
American School of Needlework 1989

Good book of 9-patch blocks in 10, 12 and 14 inch sizes

TIPS FOR QUILTERS
by Rachel Pellman
Good Books, Intercourse, PA 1993

A handbook of hints, shortcuts, and practical suggestions from experienced
quilters.
—–
This is a great book full of all sorts of useful ideas. BUT don’t read
it at bedtime or you will quilt ALL night long and not get any sleep!!! I
recommend this book.

TWENTIETH CENTURY QUILTS 1900-1950
by Thos. K. Woodard & Blanche Greenstein

TIMELESS TREASURES, A Complete Guide to Rotary Cutting
by Nancy Johnson-Srebo
RCW Publishing

Nancy’s instructions are clear and concise, and she shows readers how
to cut almost any shape, while using your rotary cutter and ruler. Also
included are instructions for specific 6″, 8″, and 10″ blocks.
—-
I have found the info in this book really helpful. She goes through how to cut
a number of pieces: trapezoids, parallelograms, hexagrams, octograms, etc. The
nice thing about the book, too, is that she shows you how to do it for right
handed or left handed cutters. There is also a section in the book for those
who use metric measurements.
—-
I find [this book] indispensable. She gives clear instructions and
illustrations to cut any shape with the rotary cutter. Both right and left
handed illustrations are given. In the middle of the book there is a chart
for adding on seam allowances to any shape. It gives both the English and
Metric measurements. There are also good directions on pressing.

The last part of the book has color photos of blocks and complete directions
for them including cutting, sewing, and pressing. She includes which direction
to press the seams. (It was great help to me when I was beginning to make
blocks for the first time.) My only complaint was that there were a couple of
mistakes in the placement of the color photos to the directions. Some of them
didn’t match but were found somewhere else in the book.

BTW, I took the book to a printer and had them put a spiral binding on it so
that it lays flat and stays open when I am using it.

ULTIMATE BOOK OF QUILT BLOCK PATTERNS, THE
by Judy Martin
Crosley-Griffith Publishing 1988

Excellent book, lots of of various sizes.
—-
This book is my most favorite, and most used, of all time.

WALL QUILTS
by Marsha McCloskey
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA

A step-by-step guide on how to make wall hangings that will add bold and
beautiful accents of folk art design to many areas throughout the home. It
contains complete instructions and full-size pattern pieces for creating ten
wall quilts based on traditional pieced designs, several of them with matching
patchwork pillows. Directed to both beginning and advanced quilters, it
includes detailed instructions on all special techniques involved, from
template making, machine-piecing, and hand-quilting to mounting and hanging.

WATERCOLOR QUILTS ($24.95)
by Pat Maixner Magaret & Donna Ingram Slusser
That Patchwork Place, Bothell, WA 1993

Great instructional book on making watercolor quilts.

WORKING IN MINIATURE ($15.95)
by Becky Schaefer
C&T Publishing, Layayette, CA 1987

A machine piecing approach to miniature quilts.
Good book.

The Most Commonly Asked Questions About Building Loudspeaker Enclosures

THE MOST COMMONLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT BUILDING ENCLOSURES

Many JBL users build their own loudspeaker enclosures. Their audio
skills range widely from novice to expert. From the thousands of
letters and calls we have received addressing the subject of
loudspeaker enclosure construction, we have determined the most common
questions and present the following Questions and Answers. The
particular questions listed attempt to answer as many questions as we
feel are necessary to provide enough information to build an enclosure
which will allow your JBL loudspeaker to operate to its potential. The
questions selected here concentrate on vented “bass reflex” enclosures,
since low frequency horns are fairly complex, and many good tested
designs exist. Also, it is often more econonomical to buy a bass horn
enclosure than to build one. Vented box enclosures are by far the most
popular enclosure type. Vented boxes are finding increasing use by
touring sound companies, displacing existing horn enclosure designs
because of the greater low frequency power output and extended low
frequency capability they offer when used in arrays. In addition to
their simple design requirements, vented loudspeaker enclosures offer
flexibility of design in shape, weight and component complement, and
usually produce the best results obtainable from modern loudspeaker
drivers at the lowest cost.

[1]
Q: What makes a good vented enclosure?

A: Basically, an enclosure serves to partition the front and rear of
the driver’s cone, preventing the opposing air pressure changes
produced by cone motion from cancelling, and allowing the radiation of
sound from the front of the driver only. In addition, vented
enclosures allow the compressibility of the air inside the enclosure to
work as a more active part of the “system” consisting of driver and
enclosure. Beyond these two basic functions, a low frequency
loudspeaker enclosure should do absolutely nothing, that is, it should
add no effects of its own–no vibration, no tonality, no motion–
nothing to interfere with or absorb acoustic energy produced by the
driver.

[2]
Q: Is it possible to get low, punchy bass from a small enclosure?

A: Yes, if the driver in the enclosure is designed for low bass
operation in a small enclosure. Unfortunately, it’s usually a small
driver that can work properly in a small enclosure, and that dictates
that lower sound levels will result from the small amount of air such a
small driver can move. Larger boxes (with larger bass drivers) produce
more bass, smaller boxes produce less bass. It’s a fact of life, like
the fact that it takes a bass viol, a tuba, longer piano strings, or
very large organ pipes to produce bass energy in the air. Low bass
requires that more air move, and bigger boxes contain more air that can
be put to work making low bass.

[3]
Q: Can I get more bass from my enclosure by installing a bigger driver?

A: A given enclosure will not automatically produce more bass when a
larger driver is installed, in fact the opposite is often the result.

[4]
Q: What about putting two drivers in the enclosure to increase bass?

A: Placing two bass drivers in an enclosure designed for one will
usually produce less bass and more midrange output, and will upset the
operation of the driver-enclosure system because each driver will
behave as though it is installed in an enclosure which has only half
the internal volume of the original enclosure (with one driver).

[5]
Q: What should I do to use two drivers (for more bass)?

A: There are two alternative possibilities. When using two identical
drivers, you can build an enclosure with twice the internal volume of
the original enclosure that contained one driver, or you can duplicate
the original enclosure and stack the two. As the latter alternative
suggests, when building the double enclosure, it’s necessary to treat
the enclosure as if it were two enclosures–you must double the porting
used on the single smaller enclosure–although it is not necessary to
divide the volume of the double enclosure unless two different driver
models (e.g. E130 and E155) are used and their interaction would be
undesirable. A usable example of this might be a 227 liter (8 cubic
foot) enclosure divided into two chambers so that the E130 occupies 57
liters (2 cubic feet) and the E155 occupies 170 liters (6 cubic feet).
In this case, the ports tuning either chamber to the same desired
frequency will be quite different.

[6]
Q: What does port or enclosure “tuning” mean?

A: In exactly the same way the resonant note from a bottle can be
raised and lowered by adding or pouring out liquid to change the
bottle’s air volume, enclosure tuning is affected by the ratio of air
volumes in the port (the bottleneck) with its attendant flow
resistance, and the enclosure interior volume. Tuning of loudspeaker
enclosures is a result of manipulating the differences in effective air
mass between the enclosure interior and the air in the port. The
bottle-like nature of a vented enclosure is known as a “Helmholtz
resonator.” The ports or ducts in a vented enclosure work only over a
narrow band of frequencies near the chosen tuned frequency, producing
the same effect noted when blowing across a bottleneck–a single
distinct pitch.

[7]
Q: Is it always necessary to use a port for good bass?

A: JBL uses vented enclosure designs because they are superior to
sealed enclosure designs in several important ways–as long as it is
possible to tightly control the loudspeaker driver parameters in
manufacturing as JBL does. Vented designs produce lower distortion at
the lowest operating frequencies, afford the driver protection against
mechanically destructive large cone excursion, and better enable the
driver to absorb and utilize its full power rating from an amplifier
when operating at low frequencies. It is important to keep in mind
that porting and tuning an enclosure provides air loading for the bass
driver down to frequencies just below the Helmholtz frequency, but does
not provide any loading for the driver at frequencies below that, such
as subsonic turntable rumble, record warp or microphone wind pickup.
If you intend to operate a sound system at high power levels, we highly
recommend an electronic high-pass filter to eliminate subsonic input to
the power amplifier(s). This will substantially increase the available
useful power from the amplifier which will then only operate in the
audible frequency range. Such a filter is the UREI model 501 Sub Sonic
Processor, or the built-in sub-sonic switches of the JBL Electronic
Frequency Dividing Network model 5234A.

[8]
Q: Where should I locate the port(s) with respect to the woofer?

A: Bass reflex enclosures are usually designed to tune from about 100
hertz and down. The length of sound waves at these low frequencies is
over 11 feet, so port placement is not critical. Ports may be located
anywhere on the baffle with no change in bass performance; some designs
even locate ports on the back of the enclosure which works well as long
as the enclosure is not close to a wall (a couple of port diameters
away) and there is an unobstructed air path between the woofer and the
port. Overall, it’s safest to locate the port somewhere on the baffle
with the woofer(s) far enough away from side walls to avoid interaction
between port and enclosure wall or the fiberglass insulation on the
wall.

[9]
Q: What should the ducts be made of? Is round better than rectangular?

A: Port ducts may be made of anything rigid, such as paper cardboard
with about a 1.5 mm (1/16″) or larger wall thickness. They can be any
shape, square or rectangular (such that port area remains constant) and
made of wood or other suitable material. It is not necessary to use
PVC pipe for port tubing, particularly when most carpet stores throw
away large amounts of heavy carboard tubing of between 3 and 4-1/2
inches inside diameter.

[10]
Q: What is the relationship of duct length to port area?

A: When port area is increased, independently of other factors,
enclosure tuning is raised. If duct length is increased, independently
of other factors, enclosure tuning is lowered. To keep the same tuning
(Helmholtz frequency) you will need to increase duct length as you
increase port area.

[11]
Q: How big should the port be?

A: The bigger, the better. Any port causes some resistance to air
movement, and so introduces unavoidable losses in output to the system
as a whole. The ratios of port area and length and enclosure volume
determine the Helmholtz frequency tuning. Mechanical reactance
elements, stiffness and air mass, control the effective air mass
ratios. At very low operating levels, where air in the port does not
move very fast, a small short port will behave the same as a large
longer port as far as enclosure tuning is concerned. At high power
levels however, the restricted air flow of the smaller port will
produce output level losses, some de-tuning and at high enough levels a
small port will cause the enclosure to behave like a sealed enclosure
with little or no contribution from the port. To minimize resistive
losses, the largest practical port should be used. Computer listings
of port choices calculated to limit air velocity inside the port duct
will list duct sizes which are normally impractical. A 380 mm (15 in)
diameter port is not an unreasonable choice for a 380 mm bass driver,
however the necessary length would dictate that such a port might
itself have a volume of many cubic feet, sometimes equal to or larger
than the original enclosure. A good rule of thumb would be to avoid
ports whose circular area is smaller than at least 1/3 the diameter of
the driver such as a 127 mm (5 in) diameter port for a 380 mm (15 in)
driver. This will usually provide sufficient port area so that the
port will not “whistle” when the system is operated at high power
levels near the helmholtz frequency–a sure indication of severe system
losses and potential power compression and low-frequency output
limiting.

[12]
Q: Can I use several smaller ports instead of one big one?

A: Yes, however there is a phenomenon associated with air resistance
resulting from air drag on the internal surfaces of port ducts and
turbulence at the ends of the ports that requires a duct length
correction when several ports are used. For example, when using four
100 mm (4 in) tubes instead of one 200 mm (8 in) tube (which has the
same port area but one-quarter the internal surface area), the length
needed will be slightly less than that needed for the single 200 mm
tube, perhaps 5% to 10% less, depending on overall enclosure volume.
These effects exhibited by port ducts is exaggerated by proximity of
the duct to enclosure interior surfaces or any other type of boundary
that may cause air turbulence near the end of the duct, therefore it’s
important to keep duct ends away from the rear of the cabinet or other
obstructions by an amount at least equivalent to or larger than the
dimension across the port. If you are using a rectangular port that
has as one of its sides, an enclosure wall, you might have to use some
correction.

[13]
Q: Is there a simple mathematical way of designing proper enclosures?

A: Yes, a JBL scientist, D.B. Keele Jr., simplified the work of A.
Neville Thiele and Dr. Richard Small so that anyone with a pocket
calculator and a ruler or straight edge can design the right enclosure
volume and choose the right port or duct for a given loudspeaker
driver. JBL offers, at no cost, a four-page “kit” containing detailed
step by step instructions, written specifically for non-mathematicians,
showing how to use published Thiele-Small driver parameters in
enclosure design. Examples are shown with their results graphically
represented. An enclosure design flow chart and enclosure venting
nomograph are included.

[14]
Q: Should the enclosure’s baffle be removable?

A: This is a question of mechanical strength and rigidity. All
enclosures, particularly those intended for rough portable use, should
be constructed with all sides permanently fixed by glue and screws, and
sealed air-tight by virtue of well cut and glued joints. It is
preferable to mount loudspeakers from the front of the baffle board to
eliminate the possiblity of reflections from the inside of the
loudspeaker mounting hole, thus it becomes unnecessary to provide for
removing the baffle. Woofer openings are usually large enough to reach
through in order to work inside the box, for example, to install other
components.

[15]
Q: Is there a preferred shape for loudspeaker enclosures?

A: There are a number of shapes that improve performance and some that
cause distinct degradation in performance. For single, full-range
drivers (e.g. JBL’s LE8T) a sphere is the ideal shape for an enclosure
because the curved surfaces avoid the diffraction effects of cabinet
edges, which bend sound waves in a manner dependent on frequency. For
multi-way loudspeaker systems, spheres are usually impractical because
of the large size needed and because of the precise orientation
required for optimal listening. Conventional enclosures work best
mounted flush into a wall where diffraction is controlled by virtue of
the wall surface, and for free-standing enclosures, tilting, angled and
curving surfaces may be employed to help reduce or control edge
diffraction. The overall shape of the enclosure is relatively
unimportant except where the shape makes it difficult to build a rigid
enclosure. It is best to avoid enclosure dimensions that are multiples
of each other, such as 1 X 2 X 4 ratios, and strive to use dimensions
that have somewhat unrelated ratios such as 1 X 1.23 X 1.41.

[16]
Q: What is the best material to use for building enclosures?

A: For home and permanent installation use, high density particle wood
is the most cost-effective material for general enclosure construction.
The best wood to use for portable enclosure construction is 14 to 20
ply per inch Finland birch type. Birch plywood is very expensive
however, and a carefully braced enclosure made of high grade void-free
fir plywood can do the job just as well in most cases. The thicker you
can make the cabinet walls, the better the results will be because of
reduced wall vibration and resonance, but the tradeoff is cost and
weight. Enclosure walls should be cut so that edges form an air-tight
seal when glued together. Cleats and caulking can also be used if
needed to insure a good fit and tight air seal.

[17]
Q: Is bracing necessary? How much should be used?

A: Bracing should be added to the enclosure interior to minimize
enclosure wall vibration. Enclosure walls simply cannot be stiff
enough since wall vibration indicates that energy is being wasted to
move enclosure panels rather than moving air. 25 X 76 mm (1 X 3 in)
pine bracing fixed on edge with glue and screws to the enclosure walls
will help provide the minimum necessary stiffening without affecting
the internal volume significantly. If you are building large subwoofer
enclosures, bracing with two-by-fours works better, though you should
take the bracing volume into account since a 3 m (10-foot) length takes
up 12.9 liters (0.36 cubic foot) of enclosure volume.

[18]
Q: How should I mount drivers on the baffle?

A: Mount drivers on the front of the baffle whenever possible to avoid
the reflections from inside the mounting hole. Heavy drivers should
normally be front-mounted using Tee-nuts and machine screws or JBL’s
MA15 clamps. If Tee-nuts are used, apply a bit of Bostic or Pliobond
type rubber glue to the inside of the nut flange to help avoid losing
the Tee-nut inside the enclosure when installing the driver. Baffle
board construction is much easier if all baffle parts are assembled
prior to final box assembly.

[19]
Q: Do I need fiberglass inside the enclosure?

A: JBL uses a 25 mm (1 in) padding of 1/2-pound density fiberglass
stapled to the enclosure interior on all surfaces except the baffle.
You should use 100 mm (4 in) thick dacron or 25 mm (1 in) fiberglass on
at least three of the surfaces of parallel interior walls. Keep sound
absorbing materials away from the port(s) as the air velocity inside
the port can be sufficient to tear off bits of the material and squirt
them out of the enclosure. It is not necessary to cover the inside of
the baffle, but doing so will rarely degrade system performance. The
enclosure exterior may be covered with your choice of any suitable
finish or decoration; this will not affect bass performance and in some
cases (as with Formica) may help stiffen the enclosure walls.

[20]
Q: Does Fiberglass significantly affect enclosure tuning?

A: No, not unless the enclosure is stuffed full of fiberglass, in which
case the apparent volume of the enclosure increases by 12% to 20% as
seen from the point of view of the bass driver. Stuffing the enclosure
full with fiberglass is not recommended because it introduces system
losses, is expensive and interferes with port operation. The exception
to this would be a sealed “air suspension” type system enclosure where
more virtual volume is needed and actual volume is not available,
and/or where box dimensions which are multiples of each other can’t be
avoided and the fiberglass stuffing will help absorb the internal sound
reflections.

[21]
Q: What is needed to mount a midrange on the baffle with the woofer?

A: For cone-type midrange drivers, a sealed sub-chamber should be used
to prevent interaction with the enclosure’s bass driver. JBL drivers
suitable for sealed-chamber midrange use require only 10 to 40 liters
(.3 to 1.0 cubic foot) of chamber volume to operate at typical midrange
frequencies, above 200 hertz. Subchambers should be constructed
solidly and liberally lined with fiberglass. As in the case of
enclosure shapes, avoiding multiples of dimensions, subchambers should
be built so as to avoid square and cube shapes in favor of non-related
numerical ratios.

[22]
Q: Is there any special procedure for mounting a horn in an enclosure?

A: Use of a horn/compression driver does not require any subchamber
since these devices form their own air-tight seal. JBL horns such as
the 2344, 2370, MI-291 and 2380 horn family also seal their own cutout
opening in the enclosure when properly mounted on the baffle. Better
compression drivers are quite heavy, so a brace should be provided to
cradle the driver to prevent driver movement during shipping. In
combination with the length of a horn as a lever, driver mass can cause
the assembly to tear off the baffle or break the horn if the enclosure
is handled roughly or dropped. Driver mass can also tear off the horn
throat if cabinets are dropped on their backs.

CONVERSION CONSTANTS and USEFUL DATA
____________________________________

LITERS FEET^3 INCHES^3 METERS^3 MILLIMETERS INCHES METERS
___________________________________ _____________________________
1.00 = .03531 = 61.0 = .001 1.00 = .039 = .001
28.32 = 1.00 = 1,728 = .02832 25.40 = 1.000 = .0254
1000.00 = 35.31 = 61,016 = 1.00 1000.00 = 39.370 = 1.000

TO FIND SOUND WAVE LENGTH: divide velocity of sound by frequency (Hz)
(SOUND VELOCITY = 344 m/s, 1130 ft/s or 13,560 in/s)

AREA OF CIRCLE = 3.14 x (radius squared) Note: radius = 1/2 diameter

TO FIND THE DIAMETER OF A CIRCLE WITH EQUIVALENT AREA:
2 x square-root of (area divided by 3.14)
example: area of 9″ tube = area of 8″ square duct calculated:
(area) 64/3.14=20.37, square root = 4.51 x 2 = 9.03 (diameter)

VOLUME OF CYLINDRICAL DUCT = circular area x length

VOLUME DISPLACED BY JBL LOUDSPEAKERS: 8″ = .05 cu ft, 10″ = .1 cu ft,
12″ = .15 cu ft, 15″ = .2 cu ft, 18″ = .3 cu ft.

JBL LOUDSPEAKER MOUNTING HOLE AND BOLT CIRCLE DIMENSIONS:
mounting holes:
8″ = 7-1/16″ 10″ = 9″ 12″ = 11-1/16″ 15″ = 13-31/32″
18″ = 16-13/16″

bolt circles:
8″ = 7-5/8″ 10″ = 9-3/4″ 12″ = 11-9/16″ 15″ = 14-9/16″
18″ = 17-3/8″

BIBLIOGRAPHY of RECOMMENDED AUDIO REFERENCES
____________________________________________

FOR AUDIO NOVICES:

BOOKS:

David B. Weems, “Building Speaker Enclosures,” Radio Shack
publication, stock# 62-2309

“The CAMEO Dictionary of Creative Audio Terms,” Creative Audio & Music
Electronics Organization, 10 Delmar Avenue, Framingham, MA 01701

F. Alton Everest, “The Complete Handbook of Public Address Sound
Systems,” Tab Books #966, Tab Books, Blue Ridge Summit, PA 17214

David B. Weems, “Designing, Building & Testing Your Own Speaker
System,” Tab Books #1364 (this is the same as the Weems book above)

Abraham B. Cohen, “Hi-Fi Loudspeakers and Enclosures,” Hayden Book Co.,
0721

Alex Badmaieff and Don Davis, “How to Build Speaker Enclosures,” Howard
W. Sams & Co., Inc., 4300 West 62nd Street, Indianapolis, IN 46268

Bob Heil, “Practical Guide for Concert Sound,” Sound Publishing Co.,
156 East 37th Street, New York, NY 10016

PAPERS:

Drew Daniels, “The Most Commonly Asked Questions About Building
Enclosures,” JBL Professional, 8500 Balboa Blvd., Northridge CA, 91329

Drew Daniels, “Using the enclosure design flow chart,” JBL
Professional, 8500 Balboa Blvd., Northridge, CA 91329

FOR EXPERIENCED AUDIO PRACTITIONERS AND HOBBYISTS:

BOOKS:

Jens Trampe Broch, “Acoustic Noise Measurement,” Bruel & Kjaer
Instruments, Inc., 185 Forest Street, Marlborough, MA 01752 (617) 481-
7000

Howard M. Tremaine, “The Audio Cyclopedia,” 2nd Edition 1969, Howard W.
Sams & Co., Inc., 4300 West 62nd Street, Indianapolis, IN 46268

Arnold P. Peterson and Ervin E. Gross, Jr., “Handbook of Noise
Measurement,” General Radio, 300 Baker Avenue, Concord, MA 01742

Martin Colloms, “High Performance Loudspeakers,” A Halstead Press Book,
1978 John Wiley and Sons, New York and Toronto.

Harry F. Olson, “Modern Sound Reproduction,” 1972, Van Nostrand
Reinhold Co., New York.

Harry F. Olson, “Music Physics and Engineering,” Dover Publications,
180 Varick Street, New York, NY 10014

Don and Carolyn Davis, “Sound System Engineering,” Howard W. Sams &
Co., Inc., 4300 West 62nd Street, Indianapolis, IN 46268

F. Alton Everest, “Successful Sound System Operation,” Tab Books #2606,
Tab Books, Blue Ridge Summit, PA 17214

PAPERS:

Drew Daniels, “Notes on 70-volt and distributed system presentation,”
for the National Sound Contractors Association Convention, September
10, 1985, JBL Professional, 8500 Balboa Blvd., Northridge, CA 91329

Drew Daniels, “Thiele-Small Nuts and Bolts with Painless Math,”
presented at the 70th Convention of the Audio Engineering Society,
November 1981 AES preprint number 1802(C8).

FOR ENGINEERS:

BOOKS:

Harry F. Olson, “Acoustical Engineering,” D. Van Nostrand Co., Inc.,
250 4th Street, New York 3, NY 1957 (out of print)

Leo L. Beranek, “Acoustics,” Mc Graw-Hill Book Co., New York 1954.

Harry F. Olson, “Elements of Acoustical Engineering,” D. Van Nostrand
Co., Inc., 250 4th Street, New York 3, NY (1st ed., 1940, 2nd ed., 1947
both out of print)

Lawrence E. Kinsler and Austin R. Frey, “Fundamentals of Acoustics,”
John Wiley and Sons, New York and Toronto.

N.W. McLachlan, “Loudspeakers: Theory Performance, Testing and Design,
Oxford Engineering Science Series, Oxford at The Clarendon Press 1934,
Corrected Edition, Dover Publications 1960.

PAPERS:

Don B. Keele, Jr., “AWASP: An Acoustic Wave Analysis and Simulation
Program,” presented at the 60th AES Convention in Los Angeles, May
1978.

Fancher M. Murray, “An Application of Bob Smith’s Phasing Plug,”
presented at the 61st AES Convention in New York, November 1978.

Don B. Keele Jr., “Automated Loudspeaker Polar Response Measurements
Under Microcomputer Control,” presented at the 65th AES Convention in
London, February 1980.

R.H. Small, “Direct-Radiator Loudspeaker System Analysis,” Journal of
the Audio Engineering Society (JAES), Vol. 20, p. 383, June 1972.

Mark R. Gander, “Ground Plane Acoustic Measurement of Loudspeaker
Systems,” presented at the 66th AES Convention in Los Angeles, May
1980.

“Loudspeakers,” An anthology of articles on loudspeakers from the pages
of the Journal of the Audio Engineering Society, Vol. 1 through Vol. 25
(1953-1977). Available from the Audio Engineering Society, 60 East
42nd Street, New York, NY 10165 Telephone (212) 661-8528

A.N. Thiele, “Loudspeakers in Vented Boxes,” Proceedings of the IREE
Australia, Vol. 22, p. 487 August 1961; republished in the JAES, vol.
19, p. 382 May 1971 and p. 471 June 1971.

Fancher M. Murray, “The Motional Impedance of an Electro-Dynamic
Loudspeaker,” presented at the 98th Meeting of the Acoustical Society
of America, November 19, 1979.

Mark R. Gander, “Moving-Coil Loudspeaker Topology As An Indicator of
Linear Excursion Capability,” presented at the 64th AES Convention in
New York, November 1979.

Garry Margolis and John C. Young, “A Personal Calculator Program for
Low Frequency Horn Design Using Thiele-Small Driver Parameters,”
presented at the 62nd AES Convention in Brussels, March 1979.

Garry Margolis and Richard H. Small, “Personal Calculator Programs for
Approximate Vented-Box and Closed-Box Loudspeaker System Design,”
presented at the 66th AES Convention in Los Angeles, May 1980.

Fancher M. Murray and Howard M. Durbin, “Three Dimensional Diaphragm
Suspensions for Compression Drivers,” presented at the 63rd AES
Convention in Los Angeles, March 1979.

R.H. Small, “Vented-Box Loudspeaker Systems,” Journal of the Audio
Engineering Society, Vol. 21, p. 363 June 1973, p. 438 July/August
1973, p. 549 September 1973, and p. 635 October 1973.

JBL TECHNICAL NOTES:

The following are available at no cost from JBL Professional:

Vol. 1, No. 1 – “Performance Parameters of JBL Low-Frequency Systems”

Vol. 1, No. 2 – “70-Volt Distribution Systems Using JBL Industrial
Series Loudspeakers”

Vol. 1, No. 3 – “Choosing JBL Low-Frequency Transducers”

Vol. 1, No. 4 – “Constant Directivity Horns”

Vol. 1, No. 5 – “Field Network Modifications for Flat Power Response
Applications”

Vol. 1, No. 6 – “JBL High-frequency Directional Data in Isobar Form”

Vol. 1, No. 7 – “In-Line Stacked Arrays of Flat-front Bi-Radial Horns”

Vol. 1, No. 8 – “Characteristics of High-Frequency Compression Drivers”

Vol. 1, No. 9 – “Distortion and Power Compression in Low-frequency
Transducers”

Vol. 1, No. 10- “Use Of The 4612OK, 4671OK, And 4660 Systems In Fixed
Installation Sound Reinforcement”

Vol. 2, No. 2 – “JBL/UREI Power Amplifier Design Philosophy”

Instruction Manual – “Motion Picture Loudspeaker Systems: A Guide to
Proper Selection And Installation”

“JBL Sound System Design Reference Manual” ($15)

A Mathematical Puzzle (March 17, 1988)

Article 585 of sci.physics:
Path: puukko!santra!tut!enea!mcvax!uunet!husc6!sri-unix!ctnews!andrew!RP%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
From: RP%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
Newsgroups: sci.physics
Subject: Mathematical Puzzle]
Message-ID:
Date: 17 Mar 88 11:05:00 GMT
Lines: 18

From: Richard Pavelle

The following puzzle circulated over various mailing lists 10 years ago.
I am sending it to Physics because many readers have not seen it and
it is very difficult to solve. But my real question is whether anyone
can tell me the background of this problem? Enjoy…………

There are two integers each between 1 and 100. P knows their product,
S knows their sum. Obviously, if they told each other the sum and
product, they could figure out what the integers were. Instead, they
have the following conversation:

P: I don’t know what the numbers are.
S: I knew you didn’t. Neither do I.
P: Oh! Now I know.
S: Oh! So do I.

What are the two integers?

Purebred Cats By R. Roger Breton And Nancy J. Creek

PUREBRED CATS

R. Roger Breton
Nancy J Creek

——————————

Longhairs, Shorthairs, and Nohairs

There are several reasons for obtaining a cat of breeding. With a
purebred cat it is possible to predict what a kitten will be like as
an adult (assuming a loving environment). An Abyssinian, for example,
can be counted upon to become a loving, affectionate cat, one who will
not be afraid of strangers and who will be easily trainable to car
travel, etc.

A cat of breeding is required if you wish to show. Showing your cat
can be a joyous and rewarding experience for both you and your cat
(especially if you win), but should not become a business.

Selecting a cat of breeding is much like selecting any cat, save that
the number of dollars changing hands is often quite high ($300 and up
is typical, and the “up” can become “‘way up”).

There is one reason for not getting a cat of breeding, and that is
vanity. If your only reason for getting a Chinchilla Persian is to
have a Chinchilla Persian when your friends all have American Shor-
thairs, then both you and your Chinchilla Persian will be unhappy in
the long run. A living cat is not an object d’art, to be purchased
and admired. He is a living, breathing creature, who should be ob-
tained solely as an object d’amour. It is love and devotion he will
require and it is love and devotion he will return, and he won’t care
a whit if you are white, black, or chartreuse, or if you are descended
from Mary Queen of Scots or Attila the Hun.

In the following breed descriptions there are several things to ob-
serve: Each description has a group of tabulated parameters followed
by a thumbnail description. The tabulated parameters are:

Coat: The character of the coat: shorthair, longhair, or extra-care
longhair.

“Shorthair” means a short- or medium-haired breed requiring no
special care.

“Longhair” means a long-haired breed requiring frequent brushing
and grooming, but with (so-called) non-matting hair: no disaster
if the cat gets a tangle or snag, as it can usually be brushed or
combed out.

“Extra-care longhair” means a long-haired breed that must be cared
for daily, else its fur will quickly become one large mat. In
general, short-haired breeds require less care and attention than
long-haired.

———————————————————————-
Purebred Cats Page 1

Environment: The living arrangements for which the breed is best
suited: apartment, home, or rural.

“Apartment” means an indoor-only environment and a breed suitable
for city living.

“Home” means an indoor-outdoor environment and a breed with small
territorial requirements, one that would do well in the typical
suburban home-and-yard.

“Rural” means an indoor-outdoor or outdoor-only environment and a
breed with large territorial requirements, such a cat may well
pine if kept indoors all the time. Most cats are adaptable, and
do well in differing environments.

Disposition: The normal personality of the breed: affectionate or
reserved, active or tranquil, and quiet or vocal.

“Affectionate” means a breed that is very demonstrative in its
affection.

“Reserved” means a less demonstrative breed (but just as loving).

“Active” means an animal always on the go, the typical overgrown
kitten.

“Tranquil” means asedate and dignified animal.

“Quiet” means a non-talking breed.

“Vocal,” means a breed that won’t shut up.

These criteria, like all such opposing definitions, are only
somewhat accurate: some breeds are very active, some moderately
active, some slightly active, some slightly tranquil, some moder-
ately tranquil, and some very tranquil, with all shadings in
between: these variations have been arbitrarily distilled into
“active” and “tranquil,” and are only guides. Also please remem-
ber that individuals may vary widely from the norm for their
breed, depending upon how they are raised (we once met a mean
Abyssinian, and the term “mean Abyssinian” is practically an
oxymoron).

Best With: The people with whom the breed does best: one-person,
family, family with children.

“One-person” indicates the breed does not do well with groups of
people, but prefers the companionship and love of a single human
being.

“Family” indicates a breed that does well with groups of people,
such as an entire family, but does not do well with small children
(especially toddlers).

———————————————————————-
Purebred Cats Page 2

“Family with children” indicates a breed that also does well with
small children.

Colors: The coat colors normally permitted for the breed. There are
twelve color groups: standard solid (solid colors), standard
(patched solid, tortie, calico, tabby, patched tabby, torbie, and
torbico colors), shaded (smoked, shaded, chinchilla, chinchilla
tortie, golden, golden tortie, and silver tabby colors), spotted
(spotted tabby and silver spotted tabby colors), Abyssinian
(Abyssinian and silver Abyssinian colors), oriental (oriental
solid colors), Burmese (Burmese colors), Tonkinese (Tonkinese
colors), Siamese (Siamese solid-point colors), colorpoint (Siamese
tortie-, lynx-, and torbie-point colors), Van (Van colors), and
white (dominant white).

We wish to emphasize that the terms Abyssinian, Burmese, Tonki-
nese, and Siamese when used under this heading, refer to colors,
not breeds. For example, both the Himalayan and Siamese breeds
come in Siamese colors: other than that, they are completely
different.

Breeds that have specific colors only will have those specific
colors listed.

Abyssinian

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Abyssinian

The Abyssinian, an ancient breed, is a medium-sized cat with a sleek
intermediate body, long legs and tail, and a wedge head with a tapered
muzzle and large pointed often-tufted ears.

Often called the bunny cat because of its rabbit-like coloration, its
all-agouti coat is short, close lying and soft. It has striking
facial markings, reminiscent of some of the monocolor wild species,
such as the Puma, which it strongly resembles (sort of a micro-puma).

Active, intelligent and affectionate, it adapts well to family life
and is easily trained.

In competition with the Egyptian Mau for oldest breed, the Abyssinian
also traces back to the Egyptian middle period, but via Abyssinia (now
Ethiopia) and with less hard evidence. Be that as it may, it is
definitely an older breed, with the same kind of primitive hair
structure as the Egyptian Mau (less prone to cause allergic reactions
in people).

Regardless of the longevity of the breeds, the Abyssinian is

———————————————————————-
Purebred Cats Page 3

definitely more domesticated than the Egyptian Mau, being an outgoing
and demonstrably loving breed. It is also exceptionally intelligent
and is easily trained.

The Abyssinian became popular in Britain in the Early 1900’s, being
descended from Zula, a queen actually imported from Abyssinia (hence
the name of the breed) in the 1860’s. The Breed virtually vanished
during the First World War, only to make an amazing comeback during
the inter-war period. In the 1930’s several prize Abyssinians were
imported from Britain into the U.S., forming the basis of the breed in
this country. During the Second World War the breed did completely
vanish in Britain (see the wartime comments under British Shorthair).
During the post-war reconstruction period, the Abyssinian was re-
introduced into Britain from the U.S., only to be decimated again in
the late 60’s and early 70’s by a massive feline leukemia epidemic.
Abyssinians were again re-introduced, from the U.S. and from the
European continent, and are currently flourishing in Britain.

A long-haired Abyssinian also exists as the Somali.

American Curl

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The American Curl, a large cat with a muscular cobby body, medium legs
and tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and a unique ear
structure, there being a kink along the inside edges of the ear,
causing them to bend inward and giving the face a comical and
inquisitive appearance, has a short, thick, and smooth coat with a
heavy undercoat.

The American Curl is essentially an American Shorthair with mutated
ears, retaining all that is good in the parent breed while adding a
quizzical appearance. Playful, inquisitive and an excellent hunter,
it adapts well to almost any environment. Its tolerance of the ways
of children make it an excellent family cat.

American Shorthair

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The American Shorthair, a large cat with a muscular cobby body, medium
legs and tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and blunt ears,
has a short, thick, and smooth coat with a heavy undercoat.

———————————————————————-
Purebred Cats Page 4

The basic cat in the U.S., it is playful, inquisitive and an excellent
hunter, adapting well to almost any environment.

A composite of those cats brought on the Mayflower and by other early
British and French settlers in New England and eastern Canada, the
American short-hair has evolved into a hardy breed ideally suited to
the New World. Slightly more lithe than its European cousins, the
American short-hair is perfectly adapted to the slightly faster
rodents found in the American countryside.

A British Shorthair named Belle (though it was a tom) was imported
into the U.S. in 1901 and, through cross-breeding with native American
stock, formed the basis for the American Shorthair as a show breed.
The first true American Shorthair show cat was Buster Brown, bred in
1904.

Originally called simply Shorthairs by contrast with the then only
other American breed, the Maine Coon, they were later called Domestic
Shorthairs, a name that still clings to the unregistered Heinz~
variety.

With its extraordinarily keen hunting instincts, its neat and tidy
ways, and its ready adaptability to new environments, this is the
quintessential work cat. Many American (or Domestic) Shorthairs may
be found earning their keep in all walks of life across the country.
Besides the obvious farm cat and ship’s cat, working cats are to be
found in such diverse places as firehouses, police stations, hardware
stores, and libraries: anywhere the mouse or rat might decide to make
his home. Such working cats are not really cats in the sense of this
book, but are beloved and contributing members of their firms.

With its short-but-thick coat, the American Shorthair can cope with
all but the most extreme of weather, and is often found happily
roaming outside in conditions that would frighten a brass monkey.

Being a naturally peaceful and loving breed, tolerant of abuse at the
hands of small children, it makes the ideal all-around cat.

American Wirehair

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Reserved, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The American Wirehair, a large cat with a muscular cobby body, medium
legs and tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and blunt ears,
has a short, course, wiry coat with a thick undercoat, similar in
texture to that of the Wirehair Terrier dog.

The American Wirehair is essentially an American Shorthair with a

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mutated coat, and retains all the hardiness, skills, and devotion of
the parent breed, being playful, inquisitive, an excellent hunter,
adapting well to almost any environment. Being tolerant of the ways of
small children, it makes an excellent cat.

Balinese

Coat: Longhair
Environment: Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Siamese

The Balinese, a medium-sized cat with a long oriental body, long legs
and tail, and a triangular head with a pointed muzzle, bright blue
eyes and large pointed ears, has a medium-long, fine, thick, and silky
solid-pointed fawn-to-ivory coat without a ruff.

Originally bred in the late 1940’s from Siamese stock carrying a
recessive longhair gene, the Balinese is like the Siamese in every way
save its long coat.

Being, like the Siamese, active, loving, playful, intelligent,
curious, and sensitive, the Balinese does best with an owner who will
understand its capricious ways.

Bengal

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Spotted

The Bengal is a large cat with a muscular cobby-to-intermediate body,
short legs and tail, and a large round head with a square muzzle and
small round ears.

Its spotted coat is thick and silky.

Tranquil and loving, it adapts well to family life.

The Bengal is a new breed, still in the experimental stage. It is a
true hybrid, in that it’s immediate ancestors are the domestic Ocicat
and American Shorthair and the wild Leopard Cat (felis bengalensis).
The breeding program, executed by Jean Mill of Millwood Cattery in
Covina, California, involved several generations of crossbreeding
until the proper coloration and temperament was achieved.

With the basic body structure of the Ocicat, the loving disposition of
the American Shorthair, and the beautiful coat of the Leopard Cat, the
Bengal is indeed a striking and unique cat. Primarily bred for the

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home, it is wild in appearance only, being somewhat less of a roamer
and hunter than either its Ocicat or American Shorthair forebears: it
is in essence a lover, not a fighter. It does well with children,
even small children, and spreads its devotion among the whole family.

Birman

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Reserved, Tranquil, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Siamese with Birman Spotting

The Birman, the Sacred Cat of Burma, is a medium-sized cat with a
massive oriental body, medium legs and tail, and a broad round head
with a short muzzle and rounded ears. Its Birman-spotted Siamese coat
is fairly long and silky, thick on the neck and tail.

Developed in France in the early 1900’s the Birman superficially
resembles the Himalayan at first glance. Close examination, however,
reveals many differences, the most obvious of which is the white boots
of the Birman-spotting gene. It also sports an oriental rather than
cobby body, and its coat has more the texture of the Turkish Angora
than the Persian.

Burmese legend has it that, before the time of Buddah, in the
beautiful Khymer temple of Lao-Tsun high in the Himalayan mountains,
there was a sapphire-eyed golden statue of the goddess Tsun-Kyan-Kse.
The statue was watched over by an old priest, Mun-Ha, who’s beard was
as golden as the statue, and was said to have been braided by the god
Song-Hyo himself. Mun-ha had 100 pure-white cats, one of which was
Sihn, his especial companion.

One night raiders attacked, killing Mun-Ha as he knelt in prayer
before the figure of the goddess. Immediately Sihn jumped upon the
body of his beloved master and faced the statue, and the soul of Mun-
Ha passed into his cat. Sihn’s fur suddenly became as golden as the
old priest’s beard, while his eyes became as the sapphire eyes of the
goddess. His face, ears, tail, and legs were burned brown by the
passage of the soul, except for his feet, which rested directly upon
his master’s body: they remained the purest white. This sudden
transformation so inspired the other priests that they were able to
drive off the raiders.

Seven days later, Sihn died and carried the soul of his master to
paradise. On the following morning all the remaining 99 cats had also
undergone the same transformation. Since that time, the priests of
Lao-Tsun have cared for their sacred cats, believing them to be the
guardians of their souls.

The original Birman, a pregnant queen, was a gift to France from the
priests of a new Tibetian temple of Lao-Tsun.

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There are those with no romance in their souls who say the Birman was
developed by crossing Siamese with various black and white longhairs.

Whatever their origins, the Birman virtually disappeared from France
during the Second World War (see the wartime comments under British
Shorthair), and had to be rebred from a pair of surviving kittens.

In the 1960’s, a pair of “Temple Kittens” was given to an American
while working in Tibet. They were accompanied by the same legend,
down to the 100 cats. These kittens formed the basis of the breed in
this country, and their offspring have been sent to Britain and
France, where they have been used to strengthen the existing Birman
line.

Tranquil, sociable, and intelligent, the Birman does best with quiet
people and may mope if left alone.

Bombay

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Reserved, Tranquil, Vocal
Best With: Family
Colors: Ebony

The Bombay, a medium-sized cat with an intermediate body, long legs
and tail, and a round head with a short muzzle, large round eyes, and
round ears, has a satiny and close-lying deep ebony coat. Its coat is
so satiny as to give the appearance of patent leather.

Bred by crossing the Burmese with the American Shorthair, the Bombay
is often referred to as a mini-panther or “plastic cat” because of its
unique coat. The reason behind the unique coat texture is still being
argued, but is believed to be caused by a spontaneous mutation to the
texture of the hair itself. These cats are “black to the bone,”
sporting a black-on-black coat. When this coat is coupled with
exceptionally large bright-copper-penny eyes, a truly beautiful cat is
formed.

Quiet, sensitive, reserved and intelligent, the Bombay does best in a
quiet home, where it is affectionate to the whole family.

British Blue

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Blue

The British Blue is a blue British Shorthair, making it a large cat
with a muscular cobby body, short legs and tail, and a round head with

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a square muzzle and small wide-spaced round ears. Its blue-gray coat
is short and dense with a heavy undercoat.

Like other British Shorthairs, it was decimated during the Second
World War, but has been recreated by careful breeding.

Playful, inquisitive, and an excellent hunter, it adapts well to
almost any environment, and makes an excellent cat.

British Shorthair

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The British Shorthair, a large cat with a muscular cobby body, short
legs and tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and small wide-
spaced round ears, has a short, dense coat with a heavy undercoat.

Bred over almost 2000 years from cats originally brought by the Romans
(Julius Caesar came, saw, conquered, and brought cats), the British
Shorthair is more a native of Britain than any Anglo-Saxon and has
evolved into a strong cat with a dense coat capable of withstanding
the worst of British weather. Quick and alert, this is the basic cat
in all of Great Britain and Ireland.

During the First and Second World Wars all breeds of cats suffered
drastically in Britain and, to a lesser degree, on the European
continent. Because of the drastic food shortages during the Blitz,
“cat” became known as “roof-rabbit,” and filled many a stewpot. This
is perhaps best considered as merely another way in which the
beautiful cat contributed to the betterment of mankind.

Of all the breeds of cats decimated by the wars, the beautiful British
Shorthair suffered perhaps worst of all. As a result this breed,
native to the isles, all but vanished. After the war, efforts were
made to restore the breed by crossing those few survivors with
American and European Shorthairs. This produced a somewhat less cobby
cat. Attempts were made to correct this by breeding in the
exceptionally cobby Persian. The result is the current British
Shorthair, about the same body type and disposition of its pre-war
forebears, but with a slightly flatter face and thicker, more
luxuriant coat from the Persian influence. This latter is the result
not of the longhair genes, but of the polygene influence carefully
bred for in Persians to make the coat thick and silky as well as long.

There are some purist breeders now rebreeding the original British
Shorthair from cats recently discovered in Scotland and Ireland. Time
will tell whether the original breed will be restored, or whether
there will eventually be two breeds of British Shorthair.

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Regardless of the details of the breed, the disposition is the same:
playful, inquisitive, and an excellent hunter, the British Shorthair
is fond of children and an excellent cat. It adapts well to almost
any environment.

Burmese

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Sable

The Burmese, a medium-sized cat with a solid muscular oriental body,
long slender legs and tail, and a round head with a tapered muzzle and
blunt ears, has a fine, thick, shiny, and very silky coat of a rich
sable-brown color. If an identical cat has a coat of any color other
than sable (the British standard also allows chocolate) it is classed
as a Malayan.

With a body style similar to the turn-of-the-century Siamese, the
Burmese is a gorgeous cat, with an acrobats body: well muscled but
not cobby.

All modern Burmese are descended from Wong Mau, a walnut-brown female
imported from Rangoon in the 1930’s. Wong Mau’s owner, U.S. Navy
doctor Joseph Thompson, was attracted to her by her unique coloring,
but most other breeders were unimpressed, considering her to be a
poorly colored Siamese. Cross breeding of Wong Mau and her kittens
with Siamese and back to Wong Mau herself established a definite
pattern of three phenotypes: normal Siamese, darker “Siamese” (now
called Tonkinese), and solid-color cats like Wong Mau herself. Her
unique genetic coding, caused by the Burmese allele of the albanism
gene was discovered and a new breed was born.

Affectionate and intelligent, the Burmese does best with one person
who will return its affection and talk to it.

Chartreux

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Blue

The Chartreux, derived from the European Shorthair, is a large cat
with a muscular cobby body, medium legs, short tail, and a slightly
squarish head with a square muzzle and wide-spaced large, blunt ears.
Its thick blue coat is short and fine, with a heavy undercoat.

As the Romanov’s had their Russian Blues, so the Bourbons had their

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Chartreux. Bred from original European Blue stock, the Chartreux now
has an entirely different coat texture, soft and silky, while keeping
its thick undercoat. The slate-blue of the European Blue has become
an almost iridescent silver-blue, producing a striking animal. This
cat even looks French.

Playful, inquisitive, reserved, and an excellent hunter, it adapts
well to almost any environment. It loves children and is an ideal
cat.

Colorpoint Longhair

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Colorpoint

The Colorpoint Longhair, a large cat with a short cobby body, short
legs, medium tail, and a round head with a very short muzzle and small
round ears, has an exceptionally long, thick, and silky colorpoint
coat with a definite ruff. It is essentially a Himalayan pointed in
other than solid colors.

Like the Persian, the Colorpoint Longhair is a quiet, tranquil, and
very reserved cat that does best in a quiet home free of noise,
children, and other pets.

Colorpoint Shorthair

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Colorpoint

The Colorpoint Shorthair, a medium-sized cat with a long oriental
body, long legs and tail, and a triangular head with a pointed muzzle,
bright blue eyes and large pointed ears, has a fine, thick, glossy,
and close lying colorpointed fawn-to-ivory coat.

Identical with the Siamese in every way except the patterns present in
the points, the Colorpoint Shorthair is an outgrowth of the basic
Siamese breeding program.

Being, like the Siamese, active, loving, playful, intelligent,
curious, and sensitive, the Colorpoint Shorthair does best with an
owner who will understand its capricious ways.

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Cornish Rex

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard

The Cornish Rex is a small cat with a slender oriental body, long legs
and tail, and a triangular head with a pointed muzzle, a long straight
nose, large eyes, and large blunt ears. Its has an unusual face,
giving it a mischievous and pixieish appearance. Its coat is very
curly and wavy, composed only of down hairs, making it unusually
short, fine, soft and silky.

The original rex cat was the German Rex, observed in a semi-feral
hospital cat in East Berlin in 1946. What with the post-war chaos and
reconstruction, this mutation was not actively followed up until the
late 1950’s.

Meanwhile, a curly kitten named Kallibunker was born on a farm in
Cornwall, England, in 1951. Kallibunker’s owner contacted a
professional breeder with an interest in genetics and the rest, as
they say, is history: the Cornish Rex was born, and is perhaps one of
the strangest-looking of cats, with its pixieish face and curly coat.
Two of Kallibunker’s descendants were sent to the U.S. in 1957, and
formed the basis of the breed in this country.

Meanwhile, a curly-coated feral cat was observed to be living near a
tin mine in Buckfastleigh, Devonshire, England. A calico semi-feral
female cared for by a nearby resident mated with the curly-coated
feral (the two cats were probably related) and produced a curly
kitten, which was adopted and named Kirlee. Attempts to breed Kirlee
into the Cornish Rex line proved futile, no curly kittens resulted.
It was then realized that Kirlee was a distinctly different mutation,
and she was placed in her own breeding program to produce the Devon
Rex breed.

In 1960, three German Rexes were sent to the U.S., where crossbreeding
quickly determined that the German Rex and Cornish Rex were the same
mutation, distinct from the Devon Rex.

Agile, affectionate, intelligent and tranquil, the Cornish Rex adapts
well to family life and becomes an ideal lap cat for a quiet owner. A
delicate and quiet cat, it cannot tolerate rough handling, hence
children.

Lacking guard and awn hairs (running around in its underwear, as it
were), it sunburns easily and must be an indoor-only cat. It is a
non-shedding cat (no outer coat), making it ideal for people with cat
allergies.

In Siamese colors, the Cornish Rex is known as the Si-Rex.

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Cymric

Coat: Longhair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The Cymric, a medium-sized cat with a very short cobby body, medium
forelegs and long hindlegs, no tail, and a round head with a square
muzzle and small wide-spaced round ears, has a medium-long, thick
coat, with a distinct ruff and a heavy undercoat.

First bred in the U.S. in the early 1960’s, it is simply a long-haired
Manx, with the unique taillessness (and attendant problems) of that
breed. In recognition of the fact that the people of the Isle of Man
are Celts, as are the Welsh, it was decided to name the new breed
Cymric (pronounced “kumrik”) after Cymru, the Welsh name for Wales.

Playful, inquisitive, and an excellent hunter, the Cymric adapts well
to almost any environment.

See the special notes under the Manx.

Devon Rex

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard

The Devon Rex is a small cat with a slender oriental body, long legs
and tail, and a moderately triangular head with a pointed muzzle, a
long stopped nose, large eyes, and exceptionally large blunt ears.
Its has an unusual face, giving it a mischievous and pixieish
appearance. Its coat is very curly and wavy, composed only of down
hairs and a very light outercoat of awn hairs, making it short, fine,
soft and silky.

Not related to the Cornish Rex, its history is nonetheless linked and
is described under that breed.

Agile, affectionate, intelligent, and tranquil, the Devon Rex adapts
well to family life and becomes an ideal lap cat for a quiet owner. A
delicate and quiet cat, it cannot tolerate rough handling, hence
children.

Lacking awn hairs it sunburns easily and must be an indoor-only cat.
It is a non-shedding cat (no outer coat), making it ideal for people
with cat allergies.

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Egyptian Mau

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Reserved, Active, Vocal
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Spotted

The Egyptian Mau, a medium-sized cat with a sleek intermediate body,
long legs and tail, and a wedge head with a tapered muzzle, large
pointed ears, large distinctive eyes and exceptionally long vibrissae,
has a short, close lying, moderately soft spotted coat. This is the
only naturally spotted breed.

Active, very fast, a good hunter, affectionate and reserved, it adapts
well to apartment living, especially when neutered, and gets along
with everyone, though it will establish a favorite person.

Introduced into the U.S. from Egypt in the 1950’s, this breed should
not be confused with the “Egyptian Cats” or “Maus” formerly bred in
Great Britain. This pseudo-Mau is now known as the spotted Oriental
Shorthair, and has been bred from Siamese stock.

The first pair of Egyptian Maus, Gepa and Ludol, were brought to the
U.S. in 1953, but it was some years before the cat clubs came to
recognize the breed. It is now recognized throughout the U.S., but
not in Britain. It might be pointed out that the first true Egyptian
Maus were imported to Britain from Egypt in 1978, so recognition
should be forthcoming.

This is perhaps the oldest of all breeds of domestic cats, with the
possible exception of the Abyssinian, traceable back to the Egyptian
Middle Period (about the time of the Israelite Exodus). Its body
structure and fur are less sophisticated than the more-recently bred
varieties, and it is pound-for-pound the fastest of all the domestic
cats: individuals have been clocked at 36 mph, as contrasted to 31
mph for the fastest American Shorthairs.

There is an interesting trait to this cat: when pursued by a larger
animal, such as a dog, it will sometimes decide to turn and fight even
when it is easily escaping. When it makes such a decision, it pivots
and charges in one clean springing movement, causing much surprise to
the pursuing dog. It usually wins such fights against other domestic
animals, but is really no match for a truly wild animal (like a
coyote), since it is domesticated and has lost the fine edge to its
fighting and hunting abilities. A few generations of feral life,
though, and it’ll defeat anything twice its weight or better.

The Egyptian Mau (“mau” is old Egyptian for “cat”) is a good cat for
people who are allergic to cats. Its older, less sophisticated fur
seems to not cause as many allergy problems (the original hypo-
allergenic kitty?).

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European Blue

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Blue

The European Blue is essentially a blue European shorthair, being
identical in every way except color. It is a large cat with a
muscular cobby body, medium legs, short tail, and a round head with a
square muzzle and wide-spaced blunt ears. Selective breeding has
produced a luxurious slate-blue coat, short, thick and fine, with a
heavy undercoat and an outercoat that may be somewhat bristly.

Playful, inquisitive, reserved, and an excellent hunter, it adapts
well to almost any environment.

European Shorthair

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The European Shorthair, a large cat with a muscular cobby body, medium
legs, short tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and wide-
spaced blunt ears, has a short, thick, and fine coat, with a heavy
undercoat and an outercoat that may be somewhat bristly. This thick
and somewhat shaggy coat allows it to survive the rugged European
winters. It is possible (perhaps probable) that there is some
European Wildcat, felis sylvestris, in the bloodline, producing the
slightly rough outercoat and extra-thick undercoat.

Derived from basic stock brought to Europe from Egypt by the Romans,
the European Shorthair is the basic domestic cat on the European
continent. With many individuals becoming feral throughout history,
this cat is practically another wild species alongside the European
Wildcat. Indeed, in some areas it or breeds derived from it (such as
the Norwegian Forest Cat) outrange their wild cousins.

Throughout Europe and Britain, the tabby pattern-of-choice is the
classic or blotched rather than the mackerel. This is probably the
result of confusion between large brown mackerel-tabby toms and
European Wildcats. The former would usually snuggle and purr when
caressed, while the latter would remove a finger or two! The European
Wildcat also has difficulty distinguishing between, say, a wild
pheasant and a domestic chicken. As a result, many farmers and
villagers started driving away or even killing mackerel-tabbies on
sight: the result, a tendency for classic-tabbies to flourish despite
the recessiveness of their genes.

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While affectionate, the European Shorthair is slightly more reserved
than its British and American brothers, possibly the result of
generations of persecution by the peasantry under the auspices of the
Church. Once deceived, it is virtually impossible to regain its
trust. For those who will love and cherish it, however, it is an
excellent cat, being playful and inquisitive.

Being an excellent hunter and adapting well to almost any environment,
and makes an excellent work cat and is the quintessential ship’s cat.

Exotic Shorthair

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded, Siamese,
Colorpoint

The Exotic Shorthair, a large cat with a short cobby body, short legs,
medium tail, and a round head with a very short muzzle and small round
ears, dense, soft, silky, and very plush coat, slightly longer than
that of other short-hairs, not lying too close to the body but rather
springy and alive.

Bred by crossing the Persian with the American Shorthair, the Exotic
Shorthair is essentially a shorthaired Persian. Its extremely plush
coat is a result not of the longhair gene but of various polygenes
emphasized in the Persian to produce the thick, plush undercoat.

Like the Persian, the Exotic Shorthair is a quiet, tranquil cat, and
does best in a quiet home free of noise, children, and other pets.

Havana Brown

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Reserved, Active, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Brown

The Havana Brown, a medium-sized cat with an intermediate body, long
legs and tail, and a wedge head with a long tapered muzzle and large
pointed ears, has a soft, silky, close-lying coat of a rich tobacco-
brown color.

This cat has a unique coat, so much so that in this breed only the
coat is called “brown,” instead of the usual “chestnut” or
“chocolate.” It is, of course, still caused by dense and dark-brown
alleles, b*D*.

In the early 1950’s, two breeders in Britain set about to create a

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Siamese-type cat with a brown coat, distinct from the Burmese sable.
This was achieved in 1952 by crossing a seal point Siamese with a
black British Shorthair, then crossing the result, an all-black
“Siamese,” with a seal point Siamese known to be carrying the
recessive chocolate (dark-brown) gene. The resultant cat was called
the Havana after its tobacco-brown coat (cigars come from Havana).

By 1956 the breed was ready for recognition, but controversy arose
over the body type and the similarity of the color to the Burmese.
The result was that the breed was bred to be like the Siamese in body
conformation, and now belongs to the Oriental Shorthair class of cats,
though it is still called the Havana in most circles.

In the mid 1950’s a pair of Havanas were imported to the U.S., where
they were crossed with American Shorthairs to lessen the extremity of
body shape, and renamed the Havana Brown. The Havana Brown of the
U.S. is by now a totally different cat than the Havana of Britain.

Active, playful, affectionate and lordly, the Havana Brown does best
in a one-person home. It is a very attentive parent and, while not
especially vocal, talks constantly to its kittens.

Himalayan

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Siamese

The Himalayan, a large cat with a short cobby body, short legs, medium
tail, and a round head with a very short muzzle and small round ears,
has an exceptionally long, thick and silky Siamese-pointed coat with a
definite ruff. It is exactly like the Persian except for the color
and pattern of the coat.

Like the Persian, the Himalayan is a quiet, tranquil cat, and does
best in a quiet home free of noise, children, and other pets.

Honeybear

Coat: Longhair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard

The Honeybear is a large cat with a short cobby body, short legs,
medium tail, and a flattish head with a square muzzle and small round
ears located on the sides of the head.

Its coat is exceptionally thick and silky, with a definite ruff, but

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is non-matting. It may be found in any of the standard patterns
except solid, the pattern of choice being black with a white teardrop
on the forehead and white spotting on the top of the tail, sometimes
becoming a skunk-like stripe.

Extremely tranquil and seemingly immune to pain, it does best in a
quiet home.

Closely related to the Ragdoll, this is a slowly-maturing breed,
taking a full two years to reach maturity. It is somewhat ungainly in
appearance between kittenhood and maturity. It should not be bred
until at least 18 months old.

The original breeder claims the Honeybears were created by genetic
manipulation of the genes of a skunk, which were then “infused by
injection” into the bloodstream of the parent Honeybear. We find this
incredulous at the least, since genes simply don’t work that way (we
would sooner believe that Nessie is a 65-million-year old plesiosaur,
it is far more likely).

As proof the technique works, the original breeder cites the famous
(or infamous) cabbit, which appeared to be the front half of a cat and
the back half of a rabbit, and “ate like a cat and gave pellets like a
rabbit.” However, a rabbit leaves the kind of pellets it does because
it eats grass and other high-cellulose plants, it would be impossible
for an animal that “eats like a cat” to “leave pellets like a rabbit.”
The cabbit has long since been placed into the same category as the
circus “unicorn,” which was proven to be a surgically-altered goat.

We believe the Honeybear to be simply a mutated Ragdoll. See the
special notes under Ragdolls.

Japanese Bobtail

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard

The Japanese Bobtail, a medium-sized cat with a slender intermediate
body, short legs, a 2-3″ tail, and a high-cheekboned triangular face
with a tapered muzzle and small wide spaced pointed ears, has a short,
close-lying, very silky coat, with the tail hair often flaring to
produce a rabbit-like tail. The preferred color is Mi-Ke (pronounced
“Mee-Kay,” and meaning “three-fur”), which corresponds to the calico
in other breeds, though the black and red patches are almost as
popular. The Mi-Ke has been a Japanese symbol of good fortune for
centuries.

A truly unique breed originally brought from China or Korea, the
Japanese Bobtail has been bred in Japan since at least the eleventh
century, and is now thoroughly identified with the Japanese culture.

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There are three unique characteristics to this cat: the first and
most obvious being its short tail, which is somewhat curled. This
tail is typically 4-5 inches in length if fully extended (which the
cat cannot do), but is about half that in a normal curled, relaxed
position. This shortness, coupled with the hair on the tail tending
to grow strait out in all directions, produces a very rabbit-like
fluffball or pom-pom.

The second unique characteristic is the extremely high cheekbones.
This causes a distinct tilting of the large oval eyes and a turning-up
of the corners of the mouth, producing a distinctly oriental or
“Japanese” appearance with an exaggerated smile when in repose. In
the west the cat would probably have been labeled “smug” (or
“inscrutable,” a favorite western term for the little-understood
Chinese and Japanese) and then persecuted. In Japan it was believed
the cat was content because it was surrounded by good fortune, hence a
blessing to have around. This attitude, far superior to the western
persecutions of the same period, is best understood if it is
remembered that Japan is a land of many earthquakes. Since cats can
predict earthquakes (yes, really!), a peacefully resting cat means all
is well.

The third unique characteristic is the unusual habit of “forgetting”
to put its paw down after cleaning. It may actually sit perfectly
still for five to ten minutes with one paw raised, as though in
blessing. This habit has been merged into Japanese folklore as a sign
of good luck: there are countless statues and pictures of short-
tailed calico cats with one raised paw and a smile on their face.

Curiously, even with its close connection to Japanese culture, the
Japanese showed little interest in the Japanese Bobtail as a breed
until relatively recently. Little was known about the Japanese
Bobtail until the occupation of Japan after World War Two. An
American cat lover was among the occupying forces and she took an
immediate interest in the breed, taking in large numbers of cats,
especially Mi-Kes.

Even though the Japanese were establishing their own cat clubs and
were extraordinarily interested in the various American breeds, they
initially showed little interest in their own cats. In 1963 several
American judges were invited to participate in a cat show in Japan.
These judges were struck with the uniqueness and beauty of the few
Japanese Bobtails exhibited (by the American cat lover). This sparked
the interest of Japanese breeders, and the breed is now flourishing in
Japan as a pedigreed line.

The American cat lover and breeder sent three Japanese Bobtails (two
Mi-Kes and one black and white male) to the U.S. in 1968, only to
return home herself a year later bringing 38 more cats with her. From
these 41 cats, an exceptionally large gene pool, the breed has been
established in this country.

Outgoing and affectionate, the Japanese Bobtail adapts well to family

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life.

Javanese

Coat: Longhair
Environment: Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Colorpoint

The Javanese, a medium-sized cat with a long oriental body, long legs
and tail, and a triangular head with a pointed muzzle, bright blue
eyes and large pointed ears, has a fine, thick, and silky colorpointed
medium-long fawn-to-ivory coat without a ruff.

The Javanese is identical to the Balinese in every way except the
color and pattern of its points.

Being, like the Siamese, active, loving, playful, intelligent,
curious, and sensitive, the Javanese does best with an owner who will
understand its capricious ways.

Kashmir

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Chocolate or Lavender

The Kashmir, a large cat with a short cobby body, short legs, medium
tail, and a round head with a very short muzzle and small round ears,
has an exceptionally long, thick, and silky chocolate or lavender coat
with a definite ruff. It is exactly like a Persian except for color.

Like the Persian, the Kashmir is a quiet, tranquil cat, and does best
in a quiet home free of noise, children, and other pets.

Korat

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Reserved, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Blue

The Korat, a medium-sized cat with a roundish intermediate body, long
legs and tail, and a unique heart-shaped face with a tapered muzzle,
large eyes, and large blunt ears, has a short, soft, close lying
silvery-blue coat.

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Known in its native Siam (now Thailand) as the Si-Sawat or Royal Cat,
the Korat (from the province in which it is believed to have
originated) dates back to before the mid-fourteenth century, when it
was described as having a coat with “roots like clouds and tips like
silver.” It is but one of three native Siamese breeds: a brown cat,
the Burmese; a pointed cat, the Siamese; and a blue cat, the Korat.
Unlike the Burmese and Siamese, the Korat has been carefully bred to
maintain the original characteristics. Comparisons with various
ancient manuscripts shows that, indeed, the modern Korat is identical
to its medieval counterpart.

First shown in Britain in 1896, the Korat was disqualified as “blue
instead of biscuit-coloured,” despite the owners claims that it was
indeed a “Siamese,” imported directly from Siam, where there were many
other blue cats just like it. Although there were constant references
in the cat club literature to the blue cats of Siam, there was no
official recognition until 1959, when Nara and Darra were imported
into the U.S. from a Bangkok breeder. They were later joined by
others, and by 1965 the Korat was a recognized breed in this country.
Britain finally recognized them in 1975.

Alert and affectionate, the Korat stays active well into old age and
is an ideal apartment cat. While vocal, it has a quiet, rather pretty
voice, unlike the howling voice of the Siamese, and loves to carry on
“conversations”: if talked to it will answer back. It is somewhat
prone to upper-respiratory viral infections, so adequate vaccinations
are a must.

Maine Coon

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard

The Maine Coon, a large cat with a strong well-developed moderately-
cobby body, long and powerful legs, a long tail, and a wide head with
a wedged muzzle and wide-spaced blunt ears, has a long, silky coat
with a pronounced ruff and a heavy undercoat. The largest domestic
cat, the Maine Coon often runs over 25 pounds, with some individuals
reaching well over 30 pounds: one exceptional individual was slightly
over 35 pounds of solid muscle (we’re talking big here, not fat).

According to legend, Marie Antoinette had three long-haired cats,
which she dispatched to America when the throne fell, so they would
not be put to death along with her. Upon arrival in Maine, the cats
escaped and mated with raccoons, resulting in the Maine Coon. In
actuality, it is a cross between 18th-century Persians (not much like
today’s Persians except in being large and having a long coat) and the
rugged short-haired New England farm cats. The resultant breed is a
massive, strong, rugged, cat with a thick coat easily capable of
withstanding the most severe Maine winters. This is a prime example

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of natural selection among domesticated animals, as man’s only part in
the evolution of this breed was the importation of the parent stock.

First recognized as a specific breed in 1861 with a 22 pound male
called Captain Jenks of the Horse Marines (no more ridiculous a name
than Jonathan’s Pasha Sulemon of Ranjipoor, III, a Persian exhibited a
few years back), the Maine Coon has become a popular contestant in New
England and New York cat shows, often taking top honors.

All coat colors and patterns are permitted except the Siamese pointed
coat (in Britain chocolate and lavender are also disallowed), but the
preferred coloration is the patched brown classic tabby, B*ooD*
A*C*tbtb iiS*ww, which strongly suggests the legendary raccoon/cat
mix.

The Maine Coon is active and affectionate, firmly attaching itself to
one member of the home. It loves to roam, but adapts easily to
apartment life, especially when neutered. It does require lots of
exercise, being so large, and if kept indoors must be engaged in
active play on a regular basis.

The Norwegian Forest Cat is similar to the Maine Coon in size and
appearance and often mistaken for it, but is a different animal
altogether.

Malayan

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Burmese

The Malayan, a medium-sized cat with a solid muscular oriental body,
long slender legs and tail, and a round head with a tapered muzzle and
blunt ears, has a fine, thick, shiny, and very silky coat available in
all the Burmese solid colors except sable (and chocolate in Britain).
The Malayan is simply a Burmese in other colors.

Like the Burmese, it is affectionate and intelligent, and does best
with one person who will return its affection and talk to it.

Manx

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The Manx, an old breed related to the British Shorthair and similar in
coat and temperament, is a medium-sized cat with a very short cobby

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body, medium forelegs and long hindlegs, no tail, and a round head
with a square muzzle and small wide-spaced round ears. It has a
short, dense coat with a heavy undercoat.

These cats were bred for centuries on the Isle of Man, from whence
they get their name, from ships’ cats that swam ashore during the
sinking of the Spanish Armada in 1588.

Legend has it that the Manx was the last animal to board Noah’s Ark,
and got its tail caught in the door (the unicorns, alas, missed the
boat altogether). While such is a beautiful tale [no pun intended],
in reality the Manx’ attributes are caused by a firmly identified
genetic mutation, with the associated problems caused by polygene
interaction.

These cats are grouped as the rumpies (no tail at all), bumpies or
rumpy-risers (less than one vertebra), and stumpies (one or more
vertebrae). The gene causing this taillessness is non-beneficial,
causing also a shortened, distorted spine and a tilted, deformed
pelvis. Fatal if homozygous, and often causing spinal bifida,
imperforate anus or poor anal sphincter control even when
heterozygous, this mutation would be disallowed today.

Playful, inquisitive, and an excellent hunter, it adapts well to
almost any environment.

Norwegian Forest Cat

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment, Home or Rural
Disposition: Reserved, Active, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard

The Norwegian Forest Cat, a large cat with a strong well-developed
moderately-cobby body, long and powerful legs, a long tail, and a
round head with a wedged muzzle and wide-spaced blunt ears, has a
long, silky coat with a pronounced ruff and a heavy undercoat.

Almost identical to the Maine Coon in appearance and size (the
Norwegian Forest Cat is slightly smaller, running a maximum of 25
pounds or so, and has slightly longer hind legs, relative to the
forelegs), the Norwegian Forest Cat, or Norsk Skaukatt, is not related
to it, and may be considered an example of parallel evolution. It
evolved its long, thick coat through a spontaneous mutation centuries
back: definitely a beneficial mutation in light of those “brisk”
Scandinavian winters.

Many Norwegian Forest cats have become feral over time, and this cat
can literally be found in Norwegian Forests, as well as Swedish and
Finnish forests, surviving quite nicely far above the Arctic Circle.
Feral Norwegian Forest Cats are the most northerly ranging of all
“wild” cats. Being a large breed, it can hold its own against the

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equal-sized European Wildcat, felis sylvestris. Interbreeding
centuries back may be responsible for the woolly undercoat, almost
identical to that of the Wildcat, but the two species no longer
interbreed even when sharing the same territory.

A very old breed, the Norwegian Forest Cat is mentioned in Norse
mythology as living in Asgard (the home of the gods), and was often
used as ships’ cats by the Vikings (around 1000). It was later
mentioned in various Norwegian fairy tales put down in 1837 and again
in 1852, where it was called the “Fairy Cat.” Recognized as a
distinct breed in the early 1930’s, it was first exhibited in Oslo
before World War Two. There are many Norwegian Forest Cat
associations all over Scandinavia and Finland, but the breed is just
now becoming popular elsewhere.

The Norwegian Forest Cat is active but reserved, firmly attaching
itself to one member of the home. It is definitely a one-person cat,
and will often go into mourning if left alone. It loves to roam, but
adapts itself easily to apartment life, especially when neutered.
Like the Maine Coon, it requires lots of exercise.

Ocicat

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Spotted

The Ocicat, a large cat with a muscular cobby body, medium legs and
tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and blunt ears, has a
short, thick, and smooth spotted coat with a heavy undercoat. The
coats of some championship Ocicats are truly spectacular.

Playful, inquisitive, and an excellent hunter, it adapts well to
almost any environment.

The original Ocicat, Tonga, was a hybrid formed by the mating of a
chocolate point Siamese and a hybrid queen, herself derived from an
Abyssinian and Siamese breeding program. The breeder thought Tonga
resembled a little Ocelot, hence the breed name.

Since the days of Tonga, the Ocicat has been crossbred many times in
order to strengthen the breed and created a unique spotted breed. The
result is that today’s Ocicat is genetically essentially a spotted
American Shorthair, and is indeed a unique and special breed, its
early frailty completely gone.

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Oregon Rex

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard

The Oregon Rex, a large cat with a muscular cobby body, medium legs
and tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and large blunt ears,
has a soft and close-lying curly coat lacking guard or awn hairs.

The Oregon Rex is essentially a curly American Shorthair, the curly
gene having spontaneously occurred in a litter of Domestic Shorthair
(Heinz~) kittens in the mid 1960’s. Careful breeding with “clean”
American Shorthairs has produced the current breed.

As the Oregon Rex gene, distinct and separate from the Cornish
(German) and Devon Rex genes, is recessive to almost everything and is
easily masked by polygene influence, this breed is all but gone.
There is some current effort being made to revive and strengthen the
line: only time will tell.

Like the American Shorthair, the Oregon Rex is playful and
inquisitive, adapting well to home and family life. Since it has only
an undercoat, the guard and awn hairs being absent, it must be
protected from cold or wet weather. This uniqueness makes it non-
shedding, and ideal for people with cat allergies.

Oriental Shorthair

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Oriental, Standard, Spotted

The Oriental Shorthair, a medium-sized cat with a long oriental body,
long legs and tail, and a triangular head with a pointed muzzle and
large pointed ears, has a fine, thick, glossy, and close lying coat.

Identical to the Siamese in every way except its solid-color coat, the
Oriental Shorthair is an outgrowth of the Siamese breeding program.
Many other breeds that are crossed to “Siamese” are actually crossed
to Oriental Shorthairs.

There are two Oriental Shorthair standards, the American and the
British/European. The American standard allows the solid Oriental
colors, while the British/European standard also allows Standard and
Spotted coloration (color names are as in the Oriental colors: ebony
and white, rather than black and white). Several American cat clubs
are in the process of shifting to the British standard (after all, we
need some name for a spotted tabby “Siamese”), and eventually the

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standards will merge completely.

The chestnut Oriental Shorthair is also known as the Havana in
Britain, but is a distinctly different cat than the Havana Brown,
which is peculiar to the U.S.

Similarly, the spotted tabby Oriental Shorthair was formerly called
the Egyptian Cat or Mau, and should not be confused with the true
Egyptian Mau, which is an entirely different breed.

Being, like the Siamese, active, loving, playful, intelligent,
curious, and sensitive, the Oriental Shorthair does best with an owner
who will understand its capricious ways.

Peke-Faced Persian

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The Peke-Faced Persian, a large cat with a short cobby body, short
legs, medium tail, and a round head with almost no muzzle and small
round ears, has an exceptionally long, thick, and silky coat with a
definite ruff.

The Peke-Faced Persian is essentially a Persian with virtually no
muzzle, giving it a flat Pekingese-type face, complete with bulging
eyes and constant snuffle. These cats are prone to problems with the
sinuses and tear ducts and tend to weep. In our opinion, breeding or
overbreeding cats to this extent is not good for the cat and should be
disallowed: it creates problems for the poor cat and large vet bills
for the owner. We are, however, a minority voice, and the breed will
not go away.

Most clubs do not recognize the Peke-Faced Persian as a separate breed
and class them as Persians. Others recognize only solid red and red
tabby varieties. This will change with time.

Like the Persian, the Peke-Faced Persian is a quiet, tranquil cat, and
does best in a quiet home free of noise, children, and other pets.

Persian

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The Persian, a large cat with a short cobby body, short legs, medium

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tail, and a round head with a very short muzzle and small round ears,
has an exceptionally long, thick, and silky coat with a definite ruff.

Originally referred to as Asiatic cats as recently as 1876, the
Persian-type cat was introduced to Europe from Asia Minor about 400
years ago. By the early 1900’s, the Asiatic cat had commenced to be
bred away from the lithe, graceful body of the Turkish Angora (the
original long-haired cat) and towards the more massive and cobby body
of the British Shorthair. Early cat clubs referred to the new breed
as simply Longhairs.

Eventually the breed has achieved a body style far more cobby than the
British Shorthair and come unto its own as the Persian of today,
bearing little resemblance to the Persians of a century ago. It has
become one of the largest breeds, running typically 20-25 pounds for
an adult male, with some individuals even larger: only the Maine Coon
and Norwegian Forest Cat are larger.

The current Persian is somewhat aloof, as though it knows it’s the
showiest of show cats (perhaps it does). It is strictly a one-person
cat, requiring lots of love and care, especially in the maintenance of
its long, silky coat: daily brushings are definitely required.

Curiously, though the Persian has been bred in a wide range of colors
and patterns, those with Siamese coloring have been classed as
separate breeds, the Himalayans and the Colorpoint Longhairs. Even
more curiously, solid chocolate and lavender (lilac) Persians have
also been classed separately as the Kashmirs, sometimes called Solid-
Color Himalayans. There are no real differences in the breeds other
than coloring. A short-haired version, the Exotic Shorthair, is also
found.

When overbred (which happens all too often), the Persian can become
nervous and temperamental. This usually shows in erratic behavior and
misplaced toilet activities (like the middle of your bed). In this
event, all that can be done is to love the cat, but neuter it to
terminate the overbreeding.

It is a common practice for the uneducated to claim that their long-
haired cat is part Persian. Most long-haired Heinz~ are just that,
long-haired Heinz~ and nothing else. When a persian undergoes a
random mating, the kittens are far more likely to be shorthaired than
long-haired. Such is the way of genetics.

The Persian is a quiet, tranquil cat and does best in a quiet home
free of noise, children, and other pets.

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Ragdoll

Coat: Longhair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Siamese, (Standard Solid, Standard)

The Ragdoll, a large cat with a short cobby body, short legs, medium
tail, and flattish head with a very short muzzle and small round ears,
has an exceptionally thick, silky, non-matting coat with a definite
ruff. The original Ragdoll and Genuine Ragdoll may be found in the
standard Siamese, Siamese with particolor spotting, or Siamese with
Birman spotting patterns, while the Miracle Ragdoll may be found in
these same colors and patterns plus any of the standard solid and
standard colors.

Extremely tranquil and seemingly immune to pain, this cat does best in
a quiet home. It does not do well with small children, as its
insensitivity to pain makes it easy for it to be hurt, even quite
seriously, without crying out.

The primary physiological difference between the original Ragdoll and
its relative, the Honeybear, versus other breeds is the length of time
for maturity. The original Ragdoll and the Honeybear mature slowly,
taking a full two years to reach maturity, being somewhat ungainly in
appearance between kittenhood and maturity, and should not be bred
until at least 18 months of age. The Miracle Ragdoll and the Genuine
Ragdoll mature at a normal rate.

The original breeder and creator of the Ragdoll claims that the cat is
a phenomenon created by an automobile accident to an alleycat, that
her kittens were subsequently “a different animal in a cat’s body,”
and that the original Ragdolls, and her subsequent breeds, Honeybears
and Miracle Ragdolls, are not of the species felis cattus, but what
she calls “Cherubim Cats” [felis cherubinus?]. She cites various
skeletal differences and their unique dispositions as grounds for her
claim.

Our personal and careful investigation has shown that the parent cat
was herself most likely a mutation and that the accident, if it
occurred, had nothing whatsoever to do with the behavior of the
kittens. The radical behavior pattern evidenced in the kittens and
subsequent cats probably did not show up in the mother because of
recessive polygene masking inherent in the original mutation, which
was “washed out” by mating with normal toms.

We have been led to the conclusion that the original mutation probably
involved a change in the response of those nerve cells concerned with
esthesia (the sensations of feeling and pain), probably a simple
thickening or extension of the myelin sheaths that surround the nerve
cells, thus producing a cat that is effectively mildly anesthetized:
if it can’t feel it, it won’t object to it.

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In addition to the apparent absence of a sensation of pain, kittens
tend to be a little “twitchy,” as though they were experiencing
paresthesia (false sensations of feeling, such as the sensation of a
bug crawling on your arm when there is none there). This would follow
logically if the neurological mutation theory is correct.

As for the skeletal differences of the breeds, especially the
Honeybears, we found them to be well within standard norms and
considerably less extreme than those of the Manx, for example.

As an aside, when asked why she called her cats “Cherubim Cats,” she
replied it was because they were non-fighting. We find this curious
in light of the fact that, theologically and scripturally, the
Cherubim are God’s guards and warriors (see Genesis 3:24 and Ezekiel 1
and 10): her choice of the name was probably influenced by the
cherubs found on Valentine’s Day cards. While the singular of both
“cherubim” and “cherubs” is “cherub,” there is no other similarity
between them. Besides which, all cats fight as part of the mating
ritual, for territorial dominance, and for clowder status: Ragdolls
are no exception.

The rapid mutation of the original Ragdoll into the Honeybear and
Miracle Ragdoll, in spite of (or perhaps because of) the unique
breeding program, indicates to us that the breed may be genetically
unstable, and the complex polygene interaction might be causing rapid
radial evolution (evolution into several distinct and differing breeds
at the same time). It is a shame that the breeding program, or a
parallel program, is not in the hands of competent geneticists, as
much valuable knowledge about the workings of genetics and evolution
could be gained.

Any Ragdoll not bred under the auspices of the original breeder’s
somewhat unique program is called a Genuine Ragdoll for legal reasons,
and is recognized (usually as a simple Ragdoll) by most of the various
cat clubs in the U.S., while the original Ragdoll, Honeybear, and
Miracle Ragdoll are recognized only by the IRCA (International Ragdoll
Cat Association), a private association of which the original Ragdoll
breeder is president and founder.

Russian Blue

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Blue

The Russian Blue, a large cat with a muscular body midway between
cobby and intermediate, medium legs, short tail, and a squarish head
with a square muzzle and wide-spaced blunt ears, has a thick, short,
fine, silvery-blue double coat.

Like its cousin the European Shorthair, the Russian Blue has the

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exceptionally thick undercoat, reminiscent of the European Wildcat,
required to withstand the harsh Russian winters. The outer coat,
however, is smooth and silky, possibly as a result of the breeding
program carried out under the Romanov czars.

The breed first showed up in Archangel, on the White Sea (off the
Actic Ocean near the Finnish-Russian border), in the mid-1800’s. By
the 1900’s the breed was already competing in Britain and elsewhere,
and had been made more streamlined by crossbreeding with Siamese. The
breed effectively stabilized by the time of the Russian Revolution
into a European Blue phenotype with a leaner body and smoother coat.
It has changed little since, resisting the attempts of some breeders
to exaggerate the body conformation.

The Russian Blue was imported to the United States as the Maltese in
1900, but has since established its identity and was formally
recognized in 1947.

As an aside, the Australians recognize an identical cat in dominant
white, calling it the Russian White.

Playful, inquisitive, reserved, and an excellent hunter, the Russian
Blue adapts well to almost any environment.

Scottish Fold

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Shaded

The Scottish Fold, a medium-sized cat with a muscular cobby body,
short legs and tail, and a round head with a square muzzle and a
unique folding of its small ears, causing them to lay close to the
head like a pair of small caps, has a short, dense coat with a heavy
undercoat.

In 1961 one William Ross, a Scottish shepherd, noticed a lop-eared
British Shorthair mix kitten, Susie, belonging to his employer. Her
ears were small and folded forward, like a puppy’s. Being an alert
individual, William realized that this was unique. Thus when Susie
had a litter two years later in which two of her kittens were also
lop-eared, he obtained one of them. He named his kitten Snooks,
registered it as an experimental, and undertook a breeding program in
collaboration with professional breeders and geneticists. Thus the
Scottish fold came to be.

Breeding and testing has shown that the folded ears is controlled by a
single dominant gene (Fd), so the kittens need only be heterozygous to
have folded ears. The degree of fold is controlled by polygene
influence, and is independent of the folded-ear gene itself. When the
gene is homozygous, there is sometimes a thickening and rounding of

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the tail. At first this was bred for as part of the uniqueness of the
breed, but it developed that there is also a thickening of the limbs
as well, inhibiting the cat’s movements. Cats are now disallowed if
they have this thickening, thus homozygosity is discouraged.

The British cat clubs, led by the Governing Council of the Cat Fancy,
decided in the early 1970’s to disallow Scottish Folds. The reasons
given were a fear of ear mites and reported deafness. Both these
reasons are false: normal hygiene is sufficient to prevent ear mites,
while several of the early Scottish Folds were dominant white, and
dominant white cats are often deaf regardless of breed. The real
reasons are believed to be that the Scottish Folds were winning awards
and drawing attention away from the British Shorthairs, a breed that
has always been the favorite of the GCCF.

Whatever the reasons, the result of this blackballing has been a shift
in Scottish Fold breeding from its homeland to the U.S., where its
uniqueness is appreciated.

Being basically a British Shorthair, the Scottish Fold has a playful
and inquisitive nature. It is not overly fond of small children, and
tends to attach itself to one member of the household. It is
demonstrative in its affection and loves to snuggle, making it an
ideal cat for an invalid.

Since its folded ears do partially cover the auditory canal, it cannot
hear quite as well as a cat with pricked ears: it sort of wears
earmuffs, there’s nothing wrong with its hearing per se. Because of
the reduced hearing, it is not as good a hunter as other cats. It
adapts well to almost any environment.

Siamese

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Home or Rural
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Siamese

The Siamese, a medium-sized cat with a long oriental body, long legs
and tail, and a triangular head with a pointed muzzle, bright blue
eyes and large pointed ears, has a fine, thick, glossy, and close
lying solid-pointed, fawn-to-ivory coat .

There are some differences between the American and British/European
standards for the Siamese and related breeds: Balinese, Colorpoint
Shorthair, Javanese, and Oriental Shorthair. The American standard is
considerably more exaggerated than the British/European, which is
closer to the original Siamese in build.

This is a ancient breed, with records at least as far back as 1350,
and is truly a Siamese cat, having been bred in the temples of Siam
(now Thailand).

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There are many legends about the Siamese, especially concerning its
crossed eyes and kinked tail. One story goes that the cats were given
the task of guarding an especially sacred urn, which they did by
watching it so closely that they became cross-eyed. Another legend
says that the royal princess assigned the cats the task of protecting
her rings. She placed the rings on their tails, and the cats then
bent the tips over so they couldn’t fall off. In these ways, the cats
became cross-eyed and kink-tailed.

The Siamese was imported to Europe sometimes in the mid 1800’s, and
was already popular in the cat shows of the 1870’s. The initial
reaction to the Siamese was that it was unnatural and nightmarish,
defying all that was then thought to be the norm for the domestic cat,
but its beauty and personality soon overcame this bad press.

The Siamese is, perhaps, the most popular of all breeds. It is
extraordinarily curious, investigating absolutely everything in its
domain. Extremely intelligent, the Siamese and its cousins train well
to the leash and to car travel, and can be taught to do tricks.

The modern Siamese has an exaggerated oriental body and a long
triangular face, created by breeders from the original stock of basic
Siamese brought to England and the U.S. in the past century. This
exaggerated body structure bears little resemblance to the original
Siamese body, which was more like that of the modern-day Burmese.
This breeding program has attempted to alleviate the crossed eyes and
kinked tail, but has only been partially successful: there still
being a lot of crossed eyes and the occasional kinked tail. Legends
aside, the crossed eyes are due to the partial albinism of the Siamese
gene causing irregular nerve connections between the eyes and their
controlling muscles, producing crossed eyes and double vision: the
cat squints to compensate for this.

This cat is extremely vocal, loudly proclaiming its displeasure at the
slightest provocation. It loves to “converse,” and will answer back
when spoken to. Active, loving, playful, intelligent, curious, and
sensitive, it does best with an owner who will understand its
capricious ways.

Singapura

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Brown-Ticked Ivory, Tabby-Ticked with White

The Singapura is a small cat with a muscular intermediate body,
medium-long legs and tail, and a round head with a short tapered
muzzle, a distinctive stopped nose, strong chin, large eyes, and large
pointed ears. Its coat is soft and silky, somewhat springy to the
touch, and is only allowed in two unique colors: brown-ticked ivory

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and tabby-ticked with white, which are very similar. This is the
smallest of the domestic cats, with full-grown males barely making six
pounds.

The basic street cat in its native Singapore, the origins of this
breed are obscure. Some say there has been a recent influx of some
wild species. While this is certainly possible, it doesn’t show in
the temperament. Many colors are found in the Singapuran street cats,
but as yet only two special colors are recognized in the breed.

The people of Singapore are generally not cat lovers (except as food)
and the Singapura has learned through countless generations to be wary
of people. This has resulted in an exceptionally quiet and shy cat:
Singapuras often won’t meow even when injured, lest they attract
attention and wind up in the stewpot.

For quiet, reserved people in a quiet and peaceful lifestyle, this is
an ideal cat, giving all of its love and affection unreservedly to
someone who has gained its trust.

Si-Rex

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Siamese, Colorpoint

The Si-Rex is a small cat with a slender oriental body, long legs and
tail, and a triangular head with a pointed muzzle, a long straight
nose, large eyes, and large blunt ears. Its has an unusual face,
giving it a mischievous and pixieish appearance. Its coat is very
curly and wavy, composed only of down hairs, making it unusually
short, fine, soft and silky. The Si-Rex is simply a Cornish Rex with
Siamese coloration.

Like the Cornish Rex, the Si-Rex is agile, affectionate, intelligent,
and tranquil, and adapts well to family life, becoming an ideal lap
cat for a quiet owner.

Lacking awn hairs (running around in its underwear, as it were), it
sunburns easily and must be an indoor-only cat. It is a non-shedding
cat (no outer coat), making it ideal for people with cat allergies.

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Snowshoe

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Reserved, Tranquil, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Siamese with Birman Spotting

The Snowshoe, a medium-sized cat with a massive oriental body, medium
legs and tail, and a broad round head with a short muzzle and rounded
ears, has a short and glossy, but not too fine, Birman-spotted Siamese
coat.

Created by crossing Birmans with Siamese and American Shorthairs, the
Snowshoe is essentially a short-haired Birman.

Like the Birman, it is tranquil, sociable, and intelligent, and does
best with quiet people and may mope if left alone.

Somali

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family with Children
Colors: Abyssinian

A medium-sized cat with a sleek intermediate body, long legs and tail,
and a wedge head with a tapered muzzle and large, pointed, often-
tufted ears, the Somali has several bands of ticking, sometimes as
many as a dozen, on its extremely soft, long, and ruff-less all-agouti
coat. It has distinctive puma-like facial markings.

The Abyssinian sometimes carries a recessive longhair (l) gene, which
was to be found in some of the original stock imported from Britain
during the 1930’s. For many generations, breeders quietly neutered or
destroyed long-haired kittens, but in the 1960’s a group of breeders
set about to create and perfect the long-haired Abyssinian. The
beautiful Somali is the result: a very striking cat, and certainly
one of the most beautiful.

Like its brother the Abyssinian, the Somali is active, intelligent and
affectionate. It adapts well to family life, and is easily trained.

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Sphinx

Coat: Shorthair (Hairless)
Environment: Apartment
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Quiet
Best With: Family
Colors: Standard Solid, Standard, Siamese, Colorpoint

The Sphynx, a small cat with an intermediate body, long legs and tail,
and a wedge head with a short square muzzle, stopped nose and large
wide-spaced ears, is a hairless cat, with a slight fuzz of down hairs
present on some individuals. Color is carried in the skin itself.

Bred from a hairless Oriental Shorthair kitten born in Ontario,
Canada, in 1966, the Sphynx is not recognized by all cat clubs. Some
people feel that its hairlessness removes all that is beautiful about
a cat. Such people only see beauty on the outside, but the Sphinx,
like all cats, is beautiful all the way through.

For a person with severe allergies, the Sphinx provides the ideal
solution: there is no cat hair or dander to be allergic to. The
Sphinx loves to receive and show affection, but is not especially wild
about being cuddled. It loves cat beds, pillows, etc. made of soft
fabrics like cotton flannelette (used to make baby sleepers).

A sociable and affectionate cat, the Sphynx must, because of its
hairlessness, be kept indoors at all times and protected from drafts,
as it catches cold very easily. It adapts well to family life. While
we don’t normally recommend Kitty Koats and other such wearing apparel
(why hide a beautiful cat?), they are perhaps a good idea in the case
of the Sphinx.

Tiffany

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Sable

The Tiffany, a medium-sized cat with a solid muscular oriental body,
long slender legs and tail, and a round head with a tapered muzzle and
blunt ears, has a medium-long, very silky coat of a rich sable-brown
color with a lighter brown ruff.

Bred by cross breeding the Burmese with various long-haired cats, the
Tiffany is essentially a long-haired Burmese. Kittens are born short-
haired with an interesting cafe-au-lait color. Both long-hairedness
and the sable color develop slowly. The color is seldom as rich as
the short-haired Burmese itself, probably due to some polygene
interaction. Nonetheless, the Tiffany is essentially a long-haired
Burmese.

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Like the Burmese, the Tiffany is affectionate and intelligent, and
does best with one person who will return its affection and talk to
it.

Tonkinese

Coat: Shorthair
Environment: Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Active, Vocal
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Tonkinese

The Tonkinese, a medium-sized cat with an oriental body, long legs and
tail, and a moderately triangular head with a tapered muzzle and
rounded ears, has a soft, shiny, and close-lying medium-dark, Siamese-
pointed coat.

Genetically both a Burmese and a Siamese, it is by definition
heterozygous and cannot breed true. If a homozygous Burmese (cbcb) is
mated with a homozygous Siamese (cscs), all kittens will be Tonkinese
(cbcs). If one Tonkinese is mated with another, the Mendelian pattern
of four kittens will be one Burmese (or Malayan) (cbcb), two Tonkinese
(cbcs), and one Siamese (cscs). The Burmese and Siamese will be as
purebred as if they had Burmese or Siamese parents.

The originators of this breed got carried away with naming the colors,
calling them “minks”: natural mink, blue mink, honey mink, champagne
mink, cinnamon mink, fawn mink, red mink, and cream mink.

Curious, active, and fond of company, the Tonkinese does best with an
owner who will provide lots of affection.

Turkish Angora

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: White

The Turkish Angora, the original long-haired breed, is a medium-sized
cat with a slim intermediate body, long legs and tail, and a wedge
head with a tapered muzzle and pointed ears. Its pure white coat is
long, silky and very soft, thinning and shortening in warm weather
almost to the point of become a shorthair, but with the tail remaining
full. This is perhaps the most elegant of all breeds, being very
clean-lined and graceful. When in its “short” phase, it is
exceptionally beautiful. Eye color is always golden orange, pale
blue, or odd (one of each). Blue-eyed cats are often deaf, but can
still make excellent indoor-only cats.

There is some discussion that the Turkish Angora descends from Pallas’

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Cat, felis manul, rather than the African Wildcat, felis lybica, but
most zoologists agree that there are significant objections to this
theory. It is most likely that the longhair gene is the result of a
spontaneous mutation sometime before 1000, and that the cats being in
a restricted area, central Asia Minor, allowed the mutant recessive
gene to become firmly entrenched. The result was that over time the
longhair gene spread both northward and southward, into Russia and
Persia (now Iran).

In the 16th century, Angora cats (Angora is the former name of Ankara,
the capital of Turkey) were brought from Turkey to France, where they
were an immediate hit.

In the late 19th century, however, the Angora cats had to compete with
the relative newcomers, the long-haired Russians and Persians, and the
Persians won out. The Russians and Angoras disappeared from Europe,
the Russians never to rise again.

In its native Turkey the Angora not only didn’t disappear, it
proliferated. The Ankara Zoo, in recognition of the Angora being a
native Turkish animal, undertook a long-term breeding program which
was very successful. The Angora can be found throughout Turkey, in
many colors and patterns.

In the 1960’s the beautiful dominant white Turkish Angora was imported
into the U.S. from its native Turkey, and became an immediate hit. It
received full recognition in 1970, and has been the aristocrat of cats
ever since.

A black variety is also being bred, but has not yet gained
recognition, while a chocolate variety is recognized in Britain.

Tranquil and affectionate, the Turkish Angora (simply Angora in
Britain) is ideally suited for a one-person apartment.

Turkish Van

Coat: Extra-Care Longhair
Environment: Apartment or Home
Disposition: Affectionate, Tranquil, Quiet
Best With: One-Person
Colors: Van

The Turkish Van, a modified Turkish Angora from way back during the
Crusades, is a medium-sized cat with a moderate intermediate body,
long legs and tail, and a wedge head with a tapered muzzle and pointed
ears. Its white van coat is long, silky and very soft, thinning and
shortening in warm weather almost to the point of becoming a
shorthair, but with the tail remaining full. The van markings may be
any color, but the preferred color is red, called auburn in this breed
only.

This cat has one very interesting and unique characteristic: it loves

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water! It loves water so much that many owners report that they
turned on the water to draw a bath, left the bathroom for a few
minutes, and returned to find a tub full of cat!

Tranquil and affectionate, the Turkish Van is ideally suited for a
one-person apartment with a bathtub.

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Examples Of Pregnancy Terminations In Different Cultures

The methods used by primitive people to prevent conception
were many and varied, and were dependent on knowledge of the
relationship between sex and pregnancy. The vast array of methods
reported in various parts of the world testifies to the universality and
the intensity of the human desire to regulate reproductivity. These
methods include abstinence, prolonged nursing of infants, coitus
interruptus, the use of potions, herbs and extracts thought to have
contraceptive powers, spermicidal douches, and, in one culture, the use
of a rope tied around a woman’s waist. These methods are characterized
by one or more disadvantages: they interfere with the sexual act, they
are harmful to womeen, or they are totally ineffective. If human couple
did try to practice contraception Paleolithic, it is little wonder that
they still resorted to infanticide.
Recent anthropological evidence suggests that both family
planning and population control were very much a part of the
pre-agricultural way of life. Many anthropologists believe that
infanticide was a widely used method of family planning by the
hunter-gatherer. During this age, it may have involved as much as 50 per
cent of the total number of births. Infanticide spares the mother the
risks to her health, which until recently, accompanied abortion. It
allowed for precision in family planning since the lives of sick
offspring and those of the wrong sex could be terminated while healthy
offspring of the right sex could be spared. As late as the present
century, the Bondei of West Africa strangled infants at birth is any of
the numerous portents and omens for which they watch are unfavorable, or
if the infant’s upper teeth come in first. In Madagascar, all children
born on certain unlucky days were killed to prevent them from bringing
bad luck to the parents.
The Rendille, a tribal of camel herders in the Kenya highlands,
use a variety of methods to keep their population within the limits that
can be supported by the camel herd. In addition to postponing the age of
marriage of women and sending women to be married out of the tribe, they
kill off boys born after the next eldest son is old enough to have been
circumcised, and boys born on Wednesdays. Among this tribe, Wednesday’s
child is indeed full of woe.
In a number of cultures, abortion is practised among women at
the extreme ends of the reproductive continuum. Some abort their first
pregnancies out of a belief that subsequent pregnancies will be easier
to deliver. Fear of pregnancy at the upper end of the reproductive age
range is apparent in other cultures which abort pregnancies taking place
after a certain age. In one tribe a woman must not bear children after
her daughter’s puberty, which can be delayed, however, if the mother
wishes to wear an amulet.

Various methods of terminating pregnancies:

Throughout Melanesia the practice of jumping from high places
which was also a common method of suicide was widespread. Navaho women
carried a log around, resting it on top of their abdomens. In New
Britain women clasped the waist on both sides, pressing and working
their fingers into their abdomen in an attmept to expel the foetus.
Among the Crow and Assiniboine Indians, the unwillingly pregnant woman
lay on her back, a plank was placed across her stomach and several
women jumped up and down on the plank until blood spurted from her
vagina.
In one culture the woman lay on heated coconut husks, in another
she lay on the coals of a fire that had been doused with water to
produce steam. Irritating substances were also used, including ground up
black beetles and irritating leaves. In one culture, ants were made to
bite the abdomen of the woman, who then ingested them by mouth.
Oral preparations thought to have abortifacient properties
abounded. The Jivaro woman was forced to take a raw egg, presumably in
the hope that the foetus would be expelled in the vomiting that ensued.
The Masai had a number of methods, one of which was the eating of goat
dung which acted as an emetic. The Menomini, a group of Algonquin
Indians who lived in what is now Wisconsin, chopped up the tail harirs
from the black tailed deer and administered it in bear fat, thus causing
gastric irritation and possibly uterine contractions.
The combination of magic, along with drugs or mechanical methods
was common in primitive cultures, and represented a healthy commitment
to the belief that the gods can always use a helping human hand. Among
the Hopi Indians there was a belief that a woman may abort simply by
wishing it. Among the Dahomeyan people in West Africa, if a pregnant
woman was ill, the foetus was formally tried. If found guilty of causing
her illness, it was aborted.