Tag: Satire

That Is Tricky Eh

a french-mexican icelander with asian genes from a black mother, a slavic dad and inuit roots found his heritage is not only filipino, but also thailandish, hispanic and martian.

i tried to cover the races but i’m too lazy to look them up and i think there’s much more to it than what meets the eye.

Hang Glider Leaves Earth’s Atmosphere

Salt Lake City – 36-year old hang glider and paragliding professional Thomas “Infinite Tom” Bird, who is known for accomplishing great distances on his hang glider, did not expect to become a victim of the impossible: After a typical noon hang gliding with his troop, his hang glider started to lift off higher than expected with him-  and the man was soaring thousands of feet into the sky before the eyes of his fellow sportsmen.

Eventually, Infinite Tom reached an altitude where he could only be observed with binoculars. After his friends called emergency services, the services dispatched a whole team of analysts and aerial experts to take measurements of his trajectory. As they realized that his altitude has been gradually increasing to a point where he got higher than the SR-71 Blackbird can fly, the potential rescue team came to the realization that Tom wsa about to leave the earth’s atmosphere. While the ground team was observing and recording the whole spectacle, Tom actually left the earth’s atmosphere entirely – and drifted off into outer space indefinitely!

As the NASA was called for further assistance, they dispatched a small, secret rocket device that would track and follow “Infinite Tom” on his unintentional journey into space, but he has already been found unresponsive and turned into a clump of ice while he was gliding indefinitely into outer space. The NASA is trying to recover him by using a special kind of grapple hook, but the chances that Infinite Tom could break into small ice cubes if handled incorrectly are too high. The rescue attempt is currently still ongoing as long as NASA’s small rocket does not reach its maximum flight range.

The Dream Of Scalable Pussies

Science niggas figured out how to resize pussy proprtionally to the user’s desire. This has been a dream for a long time so niggas don’t complain about getting lost in vastly large pussy lips. The scaling works with that metal measuring bar or something- Some niggas also use a sundial do determine the right time to adjust the absolute size of puthy. Even Mike Tyson approved of that shit. We hasked some russian niggas like Evgen-Something and a guy who hasn’t responded yet. Materia bending per energy frequencies. No knitting and seaming things together, and it’s the most convincing nutty shit we have ever seen. 


Ugandan Destroys Desk At Nigerian Armwrestling Competition

Ibadan – Our nigga Stanislav tore so hard on Pippi Nibba’s arm he almost took his arm off the shoulder and then broke the whole table straight up causing a massive loud noise. Ambulance couldn’t figure out what to make of it so it sedated both with a bottle of Moonshine.


Golf Ball Lands In Satan’s Asshole

Some bizarre stuff has been happening on golf courses lately, and an incident Friday at the Northern Trust golf tournament at New Jersey’s Liberty National Golf Course continued the streak. CMG SPORTS reports that G. Penes was on the 10th hole during the tourney’s second round when he hit a ball that landed on a cart path, taking a couple of bounces before landing in a most unusual place: Satan’s Asshole. “It went between my legs, hit my knee, and somehow rolled up into Satan’s asshole,” the stunned man, standing as still as he could, told reporters.

The spectator remained in place until Penes made his way over, laughing at his predicament. “You?” he asked the man, as the crowd laughed. After Penes marked the spot, the spectator was given the OK to shake Satan’s Asshole allow the ball to roll out onto the grass. “If he was a true fan, he would literally give him the shirt off his back,” an announcer joked. “A wayward drive into … Satan’s ASSHOLE?!” the PGA Tour’s Twitter account tweeted, along with a laugh emoji. The Golf Channel notes that G. Penes, “ever the gentleman,” signed the ball and presented it to the fan.

Man Gets Injured In Car Accident, Starts Floating

Pennsylvania – A man who got into a car accident heavily injured his legs – instead of the expected consequences which should arise through physical injuries, he gained an instant ability to float above the ground.

“After the crash, i was confused and looked around and tried to free myself from the wreck. I pulled myself out and as i tried to get up, i started to float. I just had to retract my legs and i watched myself lift about 10 feet off the ground. It was very confusing.” he says. The 43 year old man – who can now float by retracting his legs – of the accident as a curse and a blessing. “I can barely walk, but it’s slowly getting better. When i do grocery shopping large amounts of stuff, i feel fortunate that i can just retract my legs and can easily bring my groceries back home. My house is right up a hill.”

He also describes a couple of difficulties in his daily life which he has now. “When i sleep and turn around, i almost hit the ceiling sometimes, so i need to strap my legs down on the bed. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, i make a huge crash with the bed which wakes my whole family up, but we are now working on bolting it to the floor”. The man is now trying to give back to society. He has started his own lift and transportation service. “I surely won’t drive a car for a while”, he claims.

This Cockatoo Really Exists

Cockatoos may be visible to the eye, but they don’t exist: Why cockatoos dwell in a different dimension and what they think about it.

For many years there have been debates about cockatoos and if they really exist. Cockatoos are usually highly camouflaged white birds that unassumingly forage through different kinds of grasslands, but where do they come from – and where do they go?

Jack Brack, founder of the Cockatoo Existence Phenomena Insitute, says that this situation is much more complicated than expected. While other birds are fully materialized and within the visible spectrum, cockatoos are somewhat “dimension jumpers”. They seem to be here, but only when someone believes it. In reality, not even thermal cameras can pick up cockatoos. There is however one of many illusional cockatoos that defies all reality…

Although it has long been doubted, it is now safe to say that this cockatoo really exists:

Cockatoo “WR6X2” has been fed with Golden Tree Seeds and did not shy away from talking to us. Upon verbal contact, WR6X2 handed over his certificate of existence and showed us his nest. His parents downloaded a special mixture of earth data and decided to fully materialize him with 12 elements, making him the only cockatoo that really exists. WR6X2 knows about being permanently asked about what other cockatoos do, but even he does not know for sure. In fact, he does not have any contact with illusional cockatoos.

As WR6X2 blissfully forages through the grasses of Brisbane, other hologram cockatoos will never understand his legacy.

Research: Sex Isn’t Real

A scientific research team of virgins ran a program in February 2022 which was created to explore the realness of sexual intercourse.

The research, led by two test males and two test females, showed that upon “bodily contact”, the females instantly evaporated, leaving the entire team perplexed.

The occurrences were filmed on digital and thermal cameras, while various measuring devices picked up electromagnetic waves and radio frequencies – suggesting that the initiation of “sex” behaves similarly to a Fata Morgana: It seems to be real, but when tested, participants disappeared in a puff.

We wouldn’t be surprised if sex and pornography was invented by the CIA to trick virgins into thinking that these activities have to be achieved, which it is another hint that life might be a simulation.

John Dick

Is Sexual Intercourse a Lie?

There are millions of pornographic videos and pictures on the internet, but it is now proven that they all have been created with a highly sophisticated AI system – all the persons occuring in such movies do not really exist. They are just a digital creation. For a voluntary poll, many females were asked if they ever had sex: and all of them replied that they would “never do these things”.

After dozens of evaporations within the laboratory, the research project has been finally cancelled.