Exported from SPITFIRE Bulletin Board System on 09-07-91 at 13:12:15!
DATE….. : 09-07-91 13:07:12
TO……. : All Users
FROM….. : Raphael Dareau
SUBJECT.. : .
The Story Of Spam
The story of Spam as remembered from a time not so long ago….
One day in a Multi-Player game called Avatar, Laecretius, a fine and
powerful sorcerer, was running one of the lower levels of the game and
roasting and toasting monsters like all fine young sorcerers do. Then he
ran into Ninja – which instantly trashed Laecretius. But before dying,
he yelled “Oh SPAM!”, and fell to the floor. The other players of the
game heard his cry. Although they were surprised, but yet quick to
adapt, the other people in the game instantly caught on to the theory and
the ideas of Spam. Spam began to spread by word of mouth as “Wand Of
Spam”, “Helm Of Spam”, “The Spam Lord hits you critically for 1 damage.”
and this went on for several hours for that day before everyone turned
off their E-messages (Everybody Messages) and that ended that for the
day. However, they kept on going via Avatar and several notesfiles.
Even the great Felixmeister heard about SPAM.
Unfortunately, the great Felixmeister zapped Avatar and put in a “new
and improved” version of the game. All the characters as we knew them
died. However, the legend of Spam did not die off. It spread by the
word of the famous words of Raphael Dareau, Crunch, AIESHA, Merlin,
HAMMERCROM, Irongrond, Beth, and the others are just insignifigant
people. Pretty soon the entire game of Avatar seperated into factions:
The Spam, The Neutral Luncheon Meat, and The Anti-Spam. Consisting of
the Anti-Spam were jude/mainei and The Lipless One, who uttered from his
non-existant lips, “No Warlock Shall Eat Spam.” Pretty soon, things got
pretty hostile on the New-Avatar and people soon got into the habit of
turning off their E-messages every time they enetered the game. Pretty
soon the worlds of =purgatory and =spam was filled with the infamous
luncheon meat. Then =pad, the most famous notesfile in existance, filled
up with Spam. Merlin kept throwing it at regular intervals at the
Felixmeister and they became very obtrusive to the general public.
Pretty soon Spam brought about the quotings of texts such as “The
Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy” within =pad, and people started to make
death threats and went as far as offering their high power sign-ons to
the Slingers Of The Spam.
However, this was all temporary, as the Debmeister swooped down from
her own universe and sucked the NovaNET ports from existance in Bangor,
Maine and therefore caused a chain reaction that caused the eventual
collapse of the universe of Bangor. However, this was not the end of the
Legend of Spam. Crunch “The Gold Is In Your Ear, And It Won’t Melt In
Your Hand” got together with Raphael Dareau and Merlin and began to
spread Spam on the local BBS’s. Spam had by now evolved from a simple
Wand Of Spam to catchy phrases such as “Eat your spam, little boy.” and
eventually brought about “Eat your TriTel, little boy.”, but that is
another story.
Pretty soon Balzac came into the picture and was absorbed by the
Jelly of The Slinging Of The Spams. Then the Electra Byte BBS popped
into existance — and encouraged the spreading of the Spam. Many people,
like in Avatar, turned off the people who continually preached about
Spam, but that did not stop the Spam. Many people began to make aliases
like SpamMan and more catchy phrases such as “It is Raph, the Spam Man
with all the answers” popped into existance.
The EB crashed and brought about the existance of a local BBS where
Spam is slung freshly every night. Many local people have spread the
legend of Spam.
However, our story doesn’t end here. The last entry in the Legend Of
Spam is that Merlin cooked Spam at midnight and woke up his mother from
her sweet beauty sleep with its odor. However, as Raphael Dareau,
Crunch, and Merlin go through other computer networks, you are certain
that Spam will follow them.
THE END
