Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: noel@reg.triumf.ca (NOEL GIFFIN)
Subject: Malapropes, mixed metaphor, Spoonerisms, etc
Date: 1 Feb 1993 19:11 PST
Organization: TRIUMF: Tri-University Meson Facility
Message-ID:
Keywords: malapropes, mixed metaphor, spoonerism
Lines: 211
Well I have been collecting these screwed up expressions for a number of years
now and it has become an interesting list. They are all uttered by one of my
co-workers. He has achieved legend status within our group and it has become
a game to pick up on the next fractured phrase. They are all malapropes, mixed
metaphor, spoonerisms or some twist of this kind. I think he is an unconscious
genious. We catch ourselves uttering our own now and don’t know whether they
are a universal plague on the language or he has affected only his immediate
surroundings. There have been lot’s we’ve missed I’m sure, but here is a short
list of his best one’s. They are in no order except a loose chronological
one. I have placed translations beside them to lend some aid in understanding
when taken out of context.
I post them here for your enjoyment.
Noel@reg.triumf.ca
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T. P. MOSKVEN’S “SEMITICS”
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MOSKVENESE | ENGLISH
(What he said) | What he meant
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MOVIE MONGUL | MOVIE MOGUL
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THE SITCOM SATELLITE | SATCOM SATELLITE
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GETTING SEDIMENTARY | SEDENTARY
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OBNOXIOUS GAS | NOXIOUS GAS
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GROPER | GROUPER (fish)
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ART DECOR | ART DECO
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THE “CLOVERLEAF” IS THE | “SHAMROCK”/ “POTATOE”
VEGETABLE OF IRELAND | SYMBOL/ STAPLE
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SHEET METAL MUSIC | SHEET MUSIC /
| HEAVY METAL MUSIC
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JACOB’S SHIRT OF MANY COLOURS | JOSEPH’S COAT …
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MALAMUTT | MALAMUTE
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OLD GIZZARDS | BUZZARDS/GEEZERS
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THE MOVIE “REAR VIEW MIRROR” | HITCHCOCK’S “REAR WINDOW”
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A SESAME SEED PHONE | SESAME STREET PHONE
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3 OF 1, 2 OF THE OTHER | 6 OF 1, HALF A DOZEN…
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DEAD MAN’S SPACE | NO MAN’S LAND
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ARMCHAIR CASE | BASKET CASE
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OUT OF MIND, OUT OF SIGHT | OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND
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KLUTZOMANIAC | AN INEPT PERSON
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THE “PIAF” SEWING MACHINE | A “PFAFF” or a “SINGER”
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COMMUTING WITH NATURE | COMMUNING WITH NATURE
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POPULAR TREE | POPLAR TREE
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LAUGHING AT THE BANK | LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE …
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THE BATTLE OF RUNAMOCK | THE BATTLE OF TIPPACANOE
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HE’S GOT IT DOWN PITTER PAT | GOT IT DOWN PAT
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HITCH-HIKING IN EUROPE IS RISQUE | RISKY
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THAT’S A HAIRBALL IDEA | HAIRBRAINED IDEA
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NORWEDISH | SWEDIEGIAN (Scandanavian)
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HE SMOKES LIKE A FISH | …LIKE A CHIMNEY / DRINKS LIKE …
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THAT JUST GOES WITHOUT REASON | GOES WITHOUT SAYING
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HE WOULDN’T GIVE YOU THE | …. THE TIME OF DAY
LIGHT OF DAY |
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MY JACKET FITS LIKE A MATCH | IT FITS LIKE A GLOVE
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YOU BUY WHAT YOU PAY FOR | YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR
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YOU BUY WHAT YOU GET | ” ” ” ”
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WHATEVER GRINDS YOUR CRANK | WHATEVER TURNS YOUR CRANK
——————————————————————————–
COUNT PEOPLE WITH A TURNBUCKLE | A TURNSTYLE
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USING AN ANTIDEODERANT | AN ANTIPERSPIRANT
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ROUGHRIDERS IN THE SKY | THE SONG, “GHOST RIDERS …”
——————————————————————————–
GARNISH HIS WAGES | GARNISHEE HIS WAGES
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PUT THE FLOOR TO THE METAL / | PUT THE PEDAL TO THE METAL
PUT THE METAL TO THE PEDAL | ” ” ” ” ” ”
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I’LL FIX HIS SHORTS | FIX HIS WAGON
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THAT BEATS THE CAKE | THAT TAKES THE CAKE
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GOSSIPING BITTERSNIPE | GUTTERSNIPE
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APROXAMINUS ONE OR TWO | PLUS OR MINUS ONE OR TWO
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A BURJELEAUX | A BURGUNDY,BEAUJELAIS,BORDEAUX
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SOMEONE WITH A DARK VOICE | A DEEP VOICE
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DON’T KNOCK TILL YOU TRY IT | DON’T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT!
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A WHOLE RIFF-RAFF OF STUFF | A WHOLE RAFT OF THINGS
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A BRANDY SNIFFER | A BRANDY SNIFTER
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THE COLONEL BOOGIE MARCH | THE COLONEL BOGEY MARCH
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THAT’S A REAL PILE OF CROCK | THAT’S A CROCK OF ….
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HYDROGLYPHICS | HYRAGLYPHICS
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EATING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL | SPEAKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL
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IT’S AN ACQUIRED SMELL | AN AQUIRED TASTE
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LIKE AN OFFSIDE CARTOON | LARSON’S FARSIDE CARTOONS
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DON’T RUFFLE THE BOAT | DON’T ROCK THE BOAT /
| RUFFLE HIS FEATHERS
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NO USE BEATING DEAD WOOD | NO USE BEATING A DEAD HORSE
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THROW IN THE HAT | THROW IN THE TOWEL /
| THROW YOUR HAT IN THE RING
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RIDING MISS DAISY | DRIVING MISS DAISY (x-rated?)
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CUTTING OUT THE DRIFTWOOD | CUTTING OUT THE DEADWOOD
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FEELING A LITTLE SPERKY THIS MORNING | FEELING PERKY, SPUNKY
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THE MOVIE “TWO LEFT FEET” | “MY LEFT FOOT”
——————————————————————————–
SHORT MAN ON A TOTEM POLE | LOW MAN ON A TOTEM POLE
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THE CLUB SCOUTS OF AMERICA | CUB SCOUTS/ BOYS CLUB…
——————————————————————————–
THE GOVERNMENT WILL QUAKE IN | … CAVE IN (LANDSLIDE?)
——————————————————————————–
KARRAMESH | MARRAKESH
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TRYING TO BLAME THE FINGER AT ME | POINT THE FINGER / PUT THE BLAME
——————————————————————————–
I’LL SEE IT WHEN I BELIEVE IT! | SEEING IS BELIEVING/
| I’LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT
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THE MAN FROM WINDY RIVER | THE MAN FROM SNOWY RIVER
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SNORING LIKE A TROOPER | SWEARING LIKE A TROOPER
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STUFF IT UP YOUR OVERCOAT | BUTTON UP YOUR OVERCOAT
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THE ODDEST BALL PEOPLE | ODDBALL PEOPLE
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IT WAS RIVETED WITH HOLES | RIDDLED WITH HOLES
——————————————————————————–
WORST WEATHER ON RECORDED RECORD | WORST ON RECORD
——————————————————————————–
HE’S GOT HIS FINGER ON THE THUMB | HIS FINGER ON THE PULSE OF IT/
OF IT | UNDER HIS THUMB
——————————————————————————–
PLAYING “BEGIN THE BENIGN” | THE SONG “BEGIN THE BEGUINE”
——————————————————————————–
STUDYING THE WRITINGS OF PLUTO | THE WRITINGS OF PLATO
——————————————————————————–
YOUR BARKING UP A DEAD TREE | BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE
——————————————————————————–
PEOPLE WITHOUT LEFT HANDS DON’T | LEFT HANDED PEOPLE DON’T LIVE
LIVE AS LONG! | LIVE AS LONG
——————————————————————————–
YOU CAN LOOK AT A GLANCE THAT | TELL AT A GLANCE THINGS AREN’T
THINGS AREN’T RIGHT. |
——————————————————————————–
MY STEREO SPEAKERS HAVE A | A CROSS OVER NETWORK
PASSOVER NETWORK |
——————————————————————————–
SOLDIERS ARMED TO THE CORE | A ARMY CORPS ARMED TO THE TEETH
——————————————————————————–
GOING AT IT LIKE BEAVERS | GOING AT IT LIKE RABBITS
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PUT YOUR AXE TO THE GRINDSTONE | NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE /
| HAVE AN AXE TO GRIND
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HE WAS HOT AS A TOAD | HOT AS A FIRECRACKER /
| COLD AS A FISH /
| COOL AS A CUCUMBER
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YOU CAN’T CHANGE AN OLD HORSE | YOU CAN’T TEACH AN OLD DOG …
——————————————————————————–
THE EXTENSION OF THE DINOSAURS | EXTINCTION OF THE DINOSAURS
——————————————————————————–
MONEY IS NO EXPENSE | MONEY IS NO OBJECT
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