Category: Other Nonsense & Spam

The Complete Walt Disney World Monorail FAQ

From: halcyon!monorail@seattleu.edu
Date: 20 Sep 91 13:44:00 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: The Monorail FAQ List *LONG*

Hello Everyone. The response to monorails was so overwhelming that I
decided just to compile all the stuff and post it as a FAQ list.
The technical and operations data is for the Mark VI trains at WDW.
I much preferred the Mark IVs, but it’s unlikely you’ll see one of
those again. Theye were a LOT more fun to drive. They were
clunky, but they had personality!

Thanks to everyone who sent me mail or posted questions. If I
didn’t respond to you, please forgive me, as I only get 40 minutes
a day on line. If you have anything else or if one of these
questions raises another pleas feel free to ask…

OK. I’m gonna try to cover this stuff from ground zero,
hopefully I’ll catch myself before saying something too
technical or specific. The Mark VI trains are really big on
acrynyms for simple stuff.

The Basics:

>How do you make it go?

On the control console in the cab at each end of the train is
a M.C.U. or Master Control Unit (the stick). Also on this
console, next to the stick are two rocker switches. One is a
forward/reverse selector, the other is a run mode/stop mode
selector.

The train won’t go anywhere without the selector in “run”.

The forward/reverse switch controls not only the direction of
the train’s movement, but the direction in which the MAPO system
receiver (I know you don’t know about that – It’ coming) is
pointed. The train can travel equally well in either direction
driven from either end – It can’t tell the difference.

>How do you make it stop?

The MCU has 10 selections, 5 forward, 1 center, and 4 back.
The 5 forward positions are propulsion selections labelled P-1
through P-5. They correspond to speed travelled as follows:

P-1 15 mph
P-2 20 mph
P-3 25 mph
P-4 30 mph
P-5 40 mph

35 zones are a real pain in the posterior.

The center position is Neutral. In this setting the train
will do whatever it was doing. If youre cruising along and put
it in neutral, the train will coast. If you’re sitting still
with brakes on, the train will leave on brakes until you give it
a power selection.

The four rear positions are labelled B-1 through B-4 (for
Braking). The higher the number the harder the brakes. How
much dynamic current or air pressure you get depebds on how fast
you’re going. For those who don’t know what dynamic braking is,
imagine that the wheel of the monorail is a windmill. When you
take the train out of propulsion, the wheel is still spinning
because youre still moving. Use that spin just like a windmill
blase to provide electricity. Use that electricity to slow the
motor down, using it’s own energy against it. Its cheap, and
efficient. (NOTE to all Engineer types: This is how
maintenence always explained it to me. If I’ve grossly
oversimplified please forgive me. I’m a driver not a techie.)

>How do you keep from crashing into each other?

On the beamway at certain points there are transmitters.
These MAPO transmitters send an electrical signal through the
track. When a train is on the track, it blocks that signal.

These transmitters correspond to locations on the beam called
Holdpoints. The holdpoints are located at certain numbers,
which must all be committed to memory (your memory, not the
train’s)

Each train has a receiver that can tell how many of these
signals it is receiveing. Say Monorail Red is driving behind
Monorail Blue. If there are four transmitters between the
trains, Red will only get four signals, because all the signalls
ahead of Blue are blocked by that train’s presense.

If Red gets within two holdpoints of Blue, the train’s MAPO
receiver will say “Hey, you’re gettin’ close buddy!” and turn on
an amber light on the console with a beeping alarm. At that
point the driver consults his super-keen monorail-intellect and
figures out where the next holdpoint is. He then stops there
and tells all the passesngers that the train is “waiting for
further traffic clearance.”

If Red doesn’t stop at that holdpoint? When he passes over
the transmitter at that holdpoint, and his MAPO is then only
receiving ONE signal, the train will automatically assume the
driver is insane: “Hey this idiot is tryin’ ta dent my nose!”

The train puts on 85-90 psi air brakes and stops on a dime,
then you get canned. Well actually you’re allowed three
“overruns” (the term for crossing the line). If however you do
something that is really dangerous, Good Bye. Three overruns is
the limit for your entire career. They never go away.

What do we do with overrun victims? Send ’em to Buses of
course!

>What does MAPO stand for?

MAPO is a subsidiary of WED (Walter Elias Disney)
Transportation. The name is short for Mary Poppins.

The MAPO system is also called the MBS (Moving Blocklight
System).

>How much track is there?

There are 13.6 miles of rail including all spurlines. The EPCOT
rail is 7.6 miles of that, the Lagoon (Hotel) beam and the Exterior
(Kingdom Express) beam are about 2.6 miles each.

>How do you move trains between beams?

We can and do move trains back and forth between beamways constantly,
depending on guest flow. With all beams in operation it looks like this.
The Lagoon and Exterior beams are set up with one inside the other. One
circle nested in another without touching it.

In the diagram below, the Lagoon beam is on the
left, Exterior on the right, and the spur to shop on the far right (coming
to an abrupt end). This is of corse a veiw from above. This is a drawing
of Switchbeam 1 and 2, between the Contemporary and the Kingdom, right on
the footpath from one to the other.

| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| 0 |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| | ____________ to shop
| |

Connecting Exterior to Lagoon looks like this.

| |
| |
| |
| |
| /
| /
| 0 |
/ |
/ |
| |
| |
| |
| | ____________ to shop
| |

Connecting Exterior to spur looks like this.

| |
| |
| |
| |
|
|
| 0 |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| | ____________ to shop
| |

>Is there any way to see switching in progress?

Yes. Just take the footpath from the Contemporary to the
Kingdom, it runs right under switch 2. Trains come out between
6:30 and 8:00 am during a regular openning. You might have trouble
getting past the Guard at the head of the footpath, but if you tell
him you only want to walk over to the switch and take some pictures
he should oblige you, (this IS WDW after all).

>* when were the new style trains at WDW introduced, the ones
>with the mediocre standing space and the quiet doors ? (missing
>the old !BANG! after a stop :)) BTW, I apologize for ‘mediocre’
>to people with strollers or wheelchairs, but for my height
>(1.89 m), standing in that train is strainful.

I’m 2m. tall. I agree.

The Mark VI Monorails came on line in the spring of 89, but
we didn’t start loading them until X-Mas. The intervening time
was all test and adjust period. We had a third shift crew
(which I was on) that came in at 8pm and ran the trains around
in circles all night trying to get malfunctions (and boy we sure
did). It was endurance testing and de-bugging.

Even after the Mark VIs went on line, we had problems.

a. Before we got the trains we realized that the design
wasn’t going to let them fit through the air door at the
Contemporary Hotel. We went down for several months in the fall
of 88 for widening of the openning at the Hotel and for extra
concrete to be poured on the platforms (the trains are taller
than the Mark IVs.

b. Once we had the first one on line (they came on about
one per two months at first) we found that the power draw was
too high. We couldn’t operate two of them within a certain
distance of each other. Major changes were made to the power
grid to compensate.

c. The software had so many bugs I could’ve caught fish
with it. The trains were very prone to shutdown from software
glitches. The Mark IVs were built in 1969 and had squat for
electronics, so this was really new to us.

d. The doors were a mess at first. Jim Whitman’s arm got
broken in a recycling test (the door DIDN’T recycle). Forever
after that we used special bat-like clubs (made by Disney
Central Shops – Disney doesn’t send out for anything that it can
make) that were known as “Whitman Probes” to test the doors.

>* who actually builds the monorail trains ? I recall that the
>original design (Alweg ?) was of Swiss origin, but this could
>be related to the first DL monorail only.

Alweg built up to the Mark IIIs, all of which operated only at
Disneyland. I know this because the nose-cone door from Monorail
Gold Mk.III is displayed at Monorail Shop and is clearly labelled
“Alweg”.

The Mark IVs (used at WDW from opening until replaced by
Mk.VIs) were built by WED Enterprises and Martin Marrietta at a
cost of around six million per train.

The Mark Vs that replaced Disneyland’s Mk.IIIs were designed
by Ride and Show inc. I think. I’m not completely sure about
that one, but Ride and Show’s press packet claimed it.

The infamous (two years late and hideously overbudget) Mark
VI trains were designed and built by Bombardier of Quebec, (the
lowest bidder).

>* how are the tracks maintained ? The concrete did not look as
good as it once did, when I saw it last September.

Ummmmmm. weeeeeeeeeell. It’s like this.

Me: “Hey, there’s a chunk missing near pylon 24!”
Maintenence: “Keep your britches on.”
Me: “Monorail red just plunged to it’s doom!”
Maintenence: “Woah, good thing we bought new ones.”

Just kidding. The beam is supposed to be inspected yearly
and drivers report anything that looks interesting.

The original tracks (MK loop) are lots better than the EC
tracks, which were manufactured in 1981. Strange how quality goes
down through the years…

>* ever had any safety problems with the exposed electric rails
at the track ?

Yes. People can be really stupid. I personally watched
several people jump into the trough with the live bar and trains
barrelling down on them. Twice to retrieve a lenscap, and once
was a teenager showing off. All should’ve been killed but got
lucky. Can ya believe it?

>* ever had a runaway train 🙂 ?

Yes.

>Ever had any accidents?

Yes.

>Ever had a train get stuck and the people on it have to be
>rescued?

Nope. The procedure for stuck trains is to try everything
possible to make that sucker move. If it’s too broke, we bring
out a diesel powered work tractor to tow it to a station where
the people can be unloaded. This HAS resulted in people getting
stuck for hours (worst case – two mark VIs on EPCOT died
simultaneously along with one on Exterior beam – suicide pact I
guess…). The guest relations folks were handing out free
passes like candy.

>Are the drivers allowed to “ad lib” their speeches or is there
>a “Disney Approved” script?

As long as you get all the pertinent info in there and don’t
offend anyone, go for it. Sometimes we can cut loose, like Grad
Night or at the Cast Christmas Party. (Want to have the best
time of your life at the MK, get a job at WDW and go to the Cast
Party in the Magic Kingdom!)

>Are there any plans to extend the monorail to the MGM studios
>or to the EPCOT hotels / Marketplace?

Plans? Sure. There have been PLANS to do that since the
park was built. World Showcase is sitting on top of buried
pylon footers for track extension from there. The problem is
that it’s expensive and impractical. The amount of constructin
would be disruptive, and the sites can be served fine with
buses. There are plans to construct a light rail trolley (San
Francisco style) to those areas. We don’t have one of those
yet…

>When were each Mark model (I, II, etc) introduced?

The Monorail Mk.I at Disneyland started running in 1959. I
don’t know when the II and III replaced it. The Mk. IV went on
at WDW in 1971, and the Mk.V replaced the Mk.III at Disneyland
sometime after that, Early-mid ’80s I think.

>What are the differences between the models?

The I,II,and III had the “bubbletop” design that had the
driver sit up in a bubble on top of the train (similar to the
way the Submarine Pilots sit in 20,000 leagues – which is
incidentally a lot like monorails for ops purposes).

The biggest change for the Mk.V was the automatic door
system, and the VI is tall enough to stand in and carries a LOT
more people (244 in the IV vs 350+ in the VI).

>What is the energy effieciency of the monorails?

Don’t have numbers but it’s pretty good. Granted it would
have to be utilized by people in order to be efficent enough, so
planning would be a major factor in setting up a real monorail
system.

Interesting Factoid: Houston appropriated a billion dollars
to start a monorail project downtown. They’ll be licensing the
tech from Disney and their trains will be commuter models of the
Mk.VI built by Bombardier.

>How much power do they consume?

They run on 600 volts DC, rectified from (don’t quote me on
this) 13,000+ AC. We make our own power at the plant north of
the contmporary, across the street from monorail shop.

>What kind of brakes do they have and what is their stopping
>distance?

Dynamic braking slows the train down, but is ineffective
below 7-10 mph. Air brakes are used to stop. Distance depends on
how fast you’re going. At 40 mph, roughly (very) a hundred feet
with regular braking. Emergency brakes are faster, but REAL rough
on the passengers. (see also “How do you make it stop?”)

>I’d like to know, for example, about the markings on the pylons.

The pylons are all numbered for location reasons. If my
train has a problem and dies, I can’t say to Central “Well I’m
sort of near that big tree…” The pylons are for traffic
control as well. Remember that there are three or four other
trains out there on 2.6 miles of loop. If somebody gets stuck I
want to know EXACTLY where they are before I find ’em the hard
way.

>Do you use the numbers to judge where to sit and wait before
>pulling into the station?

What I assume you mean is that the train sometimes stops in
mid-beam, for no reason that’s apparent to you. The train isn’t
required to stop before pulling into a station, but often has to
because there’s still another train inside. The numbers on the
pylons dont tell us where to stop, but there are designated
holding points for each zone (which you have to memorize). When
you get an amber signal you have to stop at the designated
number (see also “How do you keep from crashing into each other?”)

Stopping at weird points is frowned upon because it might
cause the train behind you to get an indication at an unexpected
time, overrun his holdpoint, and beat you up after work. This is
the preferred method for dumping undesireables out of the
department, as safety violations are not tolerated in rails.

> Is there one central command, or is there a separate “command
>center” at each station?

Each station has a Lead, who CAN give orders to trains if
necessary, but only as pertains to his station. For instance the
Kingdom Lead could call the train approaching his station and
tell him to hold for some reason (someone fell in the track or
something…) but if he calls down a train at EPCOT, he’d better
have a good reason.

Monorail Central is at the Transportation and Ticket Center
(TTC), on the “To EPCOT Center” side of the station building.
The enclosed glass tower (just like at an airport but smaller) is
the Central Console. Mind you though, Central doesn’t actually
have any control over the trains outside of dealing with unusual
situations. Just driving around it’s the driver’s responsibility
not to bump into anyone. Central can only give orders, it’s not
like he has a remote control…

General Layout:

This is the best I can manage with the computer.
(“Dammit, Jim, I’m a monorail pilot not an artist!”)

_______MK____*___
/
/
| CO
| | _______
GF | /
| |#| |
| TTC |
| | |
/ | |
/ _ |
_______POLY_____/ _ ______
__________
^
| | |
The above section is actually | |
two tracks, one inside the other. | |
| |
A long way
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
/
/
/
EPCOT CENTER | SE |
/
/
___/

TTC The Transportation and Ticket Center, (also called
the Ticket and Transportation Center by Tickets
people, but they don’t count.)

MK The Magic Kingdom station

GF The Grand Floridian (oops, I mean “Disney’s Grand
Floridian Beach Resort.” – the Duty Manager can be
touchy about that!)

CO The Contemporary Resort

POLY The Polynesian Resort

SE Spaceship Earth (the big golf ball at Epcot)

* Switchbeam One and Two (see “switching”) –
goes between Exterior, Lagoon, and Spurline.

# Switchbeam 8 & 9 – goes between Exterior, Epcot beam,
and Epcot spurline.

That’s it (wheeew!) See ya round!

Monorail Green

aka B-Man


The 23:00 News and Mail Service – +1 206 292 9048 – Seattle, WA USA
PEP, V.32, V.42bis
+++ A Waffle Iron, Model 1.64 +++

From: halcyon!monorail@seattleu.edu
Date: 20 Sep 91 13:45:16 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: Monorails: In Training

This was written by my old roommate John, the hardest workin’
man in Monorails. He also no longer works in Rails.

-Monorail Green

aka B-Man

AN INTRODUCTION TO DRIVE TRAINING
BY
JOHN ROBERT KAPPELER

Welcome to the wonderful world of drive training. For
the next six days, I will be your sole Lord and Master,
otherwise referred to as your drive trainer. During this
time, we shall learn how to operate the Mark IV or Mark VI
Monorail Train, and how to use them on the Walt Disney World
Monorail System.
You’re probably exited about drive training, and who
could blame you? After two or three months of repeating
“How many in your group?” or “Take this train to the next
stop and get on another.” six or seven hundred thousand
times a day, you’d be excited about anything. Just keep in
mind that the time you spent on the platform was well worth
it. It built up your anticipation for driving. Think about
it. While you were on Exterior Load, busting your butt to
get five hundred Brazilians onto Monorail Gold, you saw all
the drivers at the water cooler, or in the console, or on
unload, not doing any work, and the same thought kept going
through your mind. . .
When will I be able to do that?
Soon now, very soon. Soon you’ll be able to get out of
going to turnstiles, or taking hour lunches and not getting
docked, or getting back cab times where you’re allowed to
turn your brain off. Soon, very soon.
But first, comes training.
I realize there’s a great deal of resentment between
drivers and platform people. Drivers are always the
“snots”, while the platforms are always the “slaves”. I
remember when I was a platform-only. I used to hate drivers
just like you probably did. I worked like hell, and they
did nothing but ride around in trains all night, and
actually bitch about it sometimes. I used to resent them.
In fact, I began to hate them. Especially whenever I’d put
people in their front cab and they’d look at me like I’d
just asked them to donate their liver. Drivers were stuck-
up jerks, and I swore I’d never be like them.
Then I became a driver.
I saw what makes them that way. I saw what makes them
stand around while the platform people do all the work. I
learned the truth.
I became enlightened.
Drive training is hard. Real hard. It looks like a
piece of cake from a platform person’s point of view. After
all, all they do it push the stick to go, pull it back to
stop, and talk into a microphone. That’s it. Pretty easy.
Well, as I learned, there’s more to that.
Much more.

Driving a monorail is a lot like driving a bus filled
with drunk people on a crowded highway with your fuel gauge
hovering just above “E”. There’s a lot to do. A lot to
look out for, and a lot of bad things that could happen to
you. It can be fun, but it takes a lot of practice.
In comes me.
For the next week, I’m going to show you just what it’s
like to drive that bus, with all those drunks vomiting all
over the place, and trying to find a gas station that will
accept your expired Radio Shack credit card.
Before we begin drive training, I will sit you down and
discuss something with you. Call it a sort of disclaimer.
I will look you in the eye and say something like: “Listen,
it’s going to be rough out there, and I’m going to be rough
on you. The pressure will be on you like you’ve never felt
it before. I’ll be asking you to do sixteen things at the
same time, and if you mess up, I’ll be on your case about
it. But just keep one thing in mind–nothing personal.”
This will probably make more sense after about three
days of training. Day Four of training is often referred to
as, “Hell Day”. That’s when it suddenly dawns on your that
driver’s don’t really have it that easy. That’s when you
realize that you’re operating a monorail carrying anywhere
from 244 to 364 people, and you have to get then to the next
destination, preferably alive.
A lot of trainees quit after Hell Day. We don’t think
any less of them, they just couldn’t take the pressure,
that’s all. They just usually announce that “This isn’t
worth $5.25 a @!&%!! hour!” and quit. The main reason they
quit is that they didn’t realize the pressure involved.
That’s why I wrote this. To let you know.
But I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want you to
think that I’m going to prod you with sticks and make you
accept Satan as your Supreme Being. All I’m doing is
attempting to bring out the best in you, and make you the
best damned monorail pilot you can be.
So don’t hurt me, okay?


The 23:00 News and Mail Service – +1 206 292 9048 – Seattle, WA USA
PEP, V.32, V.42bis
+++ A Waffle Iron, Model 1.64 +++

From: halcyon!monorail@seattleu.edu
Date: 20 Sep 91 13:46:52 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: Monorails: Radio Ops *Funny!*

My roommate, John Kappeler, wrote up the following treatise
on monorail radio operations. I couldn’t improve on it a bit…

-Monorail Green

aka B-Man

TALKING ON THE RADIO

by John Robert Kappeler

Talking on the radio is one of the most important
aspects of drive training. Our goal is to make you sound as
professional, accurate and most of all, coherent as
possible.
This is not as easy as it sounds. Talking on the radio
is the major stumbling block to most trainees, because it’s
your responsibility to repeat back verbatim whatever it was
Central or Shop has told you to do. Still sound easy? Okay
then, try doing this:

CENTRAL: Monorail Green from Central.
GREEN: Green bye.
CENTRAL: I show you clear MAPO Bypass through
Switchbeams 8 and 9 to the EPCOT Center Mainline, following
Monorail Pink Delta in a temporary three-train normal visual
operation. You’re clear normal visual to pylon 95, hold and
notify Central. Also notify Central upon passing pylons 27
and 45.
GREEN: (30 second pause) What?

Not very professional, is it? That’s why we have the
most important radio code you can use–10-9. 10-9 means,
simply, I don’t have the slightest idea of what you just
said and would you mind repeating it very much. Here’s an
example of how the code 10-9 improves the professionalism of
your radio work.

CENTRAL: Monorail Pink from Central.
PINK: Pink bye.
CENTRAL: I show you clear to put your train in stop
and your control arm in neutral. You’re clear to press
Linebreaker Reset and Group A/B Reset for fifteen seconds,
hold and notify Central the status of your groups.
PINK: (30 second pause) 10-9?

See? Much more professional. To help you sound even
MORE professional on the radio, we use a variety of
different codes to make your radio experience as confusing
as possible. Here’s a listing of the codes you will need to
know.

10-1: Reading you poorly, get a new battery
10-2: Reading you perfectly, you don’t have to shout
10-4: Okay, yes, acknowledged, sure, uh-huh, whatever
10-6: Busy, (Only supervisors can be busy. You can’t)
10-7: Out of service, off, broken beyond repair
10-8: In service, on, “My God! It actually works!”
10-9: Repeat, say what?, I ignored you the first time
10-20: Your exact location, (In pylon numbers, please)
10-22: Disregard, never mind, I goofed
10-23: Stand-by, wait, hold, don’t move or die!
10-26: I understand, (Only Poly leads can say this)
10-36: The current time of day, (In military time)
10-45: Phone call, you were speeding through the Poly
10-51: En route to, hope to get to. . .
10-52: E.T.A., (Always say 5 minutes, no matter what)
10-56: Come here, you’re in biiiiig trouble!
10-99: Deadheaded, no guests on board. . . I think
SIGNAL 25: Fire, flames, Chernobyl
SIGNAL 96-S: There’s a huge snake on my train!

As a Monorail Pilot, you will use each and every one of
these codes during your career, although the last one might
not come up as often. I put it there just in case you do
get a huge snake in your front cab, you’ll know the exact
radio code to relay this information to Monorail Central.
(Chances are, however, they won’t know what the hell you’re
talking about.)

RED: Central from Red.
CENTRAL: Central bye, Red.
RED: Be advised, I have a Signal 96-S on board.
CENTRAL: (30 second pause) 10-9?
RED: Be advised, I have a Signal 96-S on board!
CENTRAL: I copy you have an auto accident on board?
RED: Negative! A Signal 96-S!
CENTRAL: I copy you have a robbery in progress?
RED: 10-22, I threw it out the window.
CENTRAL: I copy, you threw the robber out the window?

I think you get the picture.
Now then, it’s important to learn those codes, because
in the coming days, Central, Shop, Maintenance, Leads, and
just about everybody with a radio is going to be calling you
up to see if you know them inside and out. This is
especially true after Day Three of training. On Day Four
comes a lot of radio from Central. It’s used to see if you
can talk and drive at the same time. Up front, it sounds
pretty easy. Here’s an example of radio Mark VI trainees
receive:

CENTRAL: Monorail Gold from Central.
GOLD: Gold bye.
CENTRAL: What’s the status of your CMPAS?
GOLD: Be advised, my CMPAS is 10-8.
CENTRAL: 10-4, what mode is your CMPAS in?
GOLD: Be advised, my CMPAS is in ‘play’.
CENTRAL: What’s the status of your Car 3 LMCU?
GOLD: Uh. . . 10-8?
CENTRAL: 10-4, how do you know that?
GOLD: Uh. . .
CENTRAL: What’s the status of your Group A PECU? And
while you’re at it, give me the status of your Group B
BECU, your VOBC, your DPAS, your BCS, your TIM, your
LVPS, and the OVERHEAT light in your upper display.
GOLD: (30 second pause) Central from Gold.
CENTRAL: Central bye.
GOLD: Please 10-56 hell, Gold clear.
CENTRAL: 10-4, will 10-56 he. . . 10-9!?

Take into account that while you’re attempting to
answer Central’s questions, you’re also attempting to keep
your train from smashing into the one ahead of it, spieling
to your guests, and watching your trainer’s face distort in
disgust whenever you mess up.
When you first start out, the trainer will be there to
coach you along the difficult radio parts. But after
awhile, the trainer will no longer take an active interest
in what you say over the radio, and begin taking an active
interest in his nails, the weather, or the gorgeous blonde
on the Grand Floridian’s beach.
After some practice, you’ll notice that you will know
ahead of time what it is Central, Shop, Etc. is going to say
to you, so it gets easier to repeat it back. The reason it
takes practice is because there are a lot of people on the
Monorail System who are not easy to understand over the
radio. This is especially true when you’re taking a train
to or from Shop.

SHOP: Mo’rail Peenk fro’ Shap.
PINK: Uh, Pink bye. . . I think.
SHOP: I sho’ ya cleer usin’ MAYPO Buypays outta da
Shap to th’ No’ Side o’th’ Shiller Playnt, hol’ an’
notify Swiytchbeem.
PINK: (30 second pause) What?

It’s not just Shop. There are some Central Leads who
are a bit difficult to understand at first. But, if you
know what he/she’s going to say ahead of time, you’ll be
able to repeat back the commands with no problem. Just
listen to any veteran operator on the radio, and you’ll see
how it’s done.

CENTRAL: Monorail (Garbled) from (Garbled).
BLUE: Blue bye.
CENTRAL: I show you (Garbled) to use (Garbled) to
(Garbled), hold (Garbled) (Garbled) (Garbled).
BLUE: 10-4, MAPO Override to pylon 34, will hold and
notify Monorail Central. Blue clear.

That’s why it’s important to study your radio codes and
scripts. If you memorize them, then you won’t have a cow
trying to talk on the radio and drive your train at the same
time.
In all seriousness, if you have a problem repeating
back a command, just ask them to 10-9. They know you’re in
training, and won’t get it perfect! A lot of trainees get
all flustered on the radio, that’s perfectly understandable,
and acceptable. What isn’t acceptable, (at least to me), is
keying your radio to talk back to them, messing up, and
continuing to hold down the radio button! All this does is
make you sound unprofessional, make me look like an idiot,
and give Central Leads funny stories to tell each other at
their parties.
An example:

CENTRAL: Black from Central.
BLACK: Black bye.
CENTRAL: You’re clear in reverse, MAPO Bypass if nec-
cessary to reach pylon 62, hold an notify Central.
BLACK: 10-4. . . clear MAPO. . .uh, necessary to. . .
in, uh, reverse. . . what did he say? Huh? Why are
you giving me the ‘cut off the flow’ hand signal?
What? I didn’t hear what he said! How can anybody
understand what he says? All I heard was ‘Black’ and
‘MAPO’ something. Hey! Why are you grabbing my ha-
CENTRAL: (Laughter) Monorail Black, please have your
trainer 10-45.

See what problems that causes? And don’t think to
yourself that you won’t do it. You will! Everybody does it
during training. But with me, you will do it once.
Now then, I don’t want to give you the idea that
talking over the radio is going to be the worst experience
of your life. Come on now! There are a lot of things worse
than that. Drinking Oven Cleaner comes to my mind. But if
you practice, practice, practice, and know your radio codes
and scripts, you will find that talking over the radio is
easy.


The 23:00 News and Mail Service – +1 206 292 9048 – Seattle, WA USA
PEP, V.32, V.42bis
+++ A Waffle Iron, Model 1.64 +++

From: halcyon!monorail@seattleu.edu
Date: 23 Sep 91 11:58:22 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: Monorails: Some safety discussion/ranting

~From: cscon134@uoft02.utoledo.edu (John Heiden UNIVERSITY OF TOLEDO)

>Well, according to my brother (who work at THE DISNEY-MGM STUDIOS),
>DISNEY plans to begin construction on a new monorail segment that extends
>to DISNEY-MGM sometime in 1992. (Remember, this is what HE said.)

Don’t bet on it. The rumor mill has been saying that ever since
the Studio got under construction. It’s not feasible.

First, where would it go? EPCOT? Not likely. The
configuration of the station would make it impossible to run a
rail near the loading side of the station for a “bridge” to let
people transfer from MGM’s rail to EPCOT’s rail. The other option
is to take people from the unload side. That would be a nightmare.
Changing the load to unload side was shown (during rehab of the
load side platform in ’89) to be SUPER-difficult, because the
loading side is completely different in construction, and has the
control console.

In any case the MGM park is RIGHT NEXT DOOR to EPCOT.
Buses are cheaper and in this situation just as fast. TTC? This
would be crazy. The beam from MGM to TTC would run right alongside
the EPCOT beam and that seems damn redundant.

>Well, when I asked this question, I was told that the monorail runs
>on precisely 13,800 volts. (Sorry to be so picky.)

Hey, I don’t know everything. I’m not in maintenence, I just
keep my ears and eyes open. I like to know what I’m doing.

>Well, one other fact I found to being interesting… The monorail trains
>run on either EXACTLY or PRECISELY 100 wheels each.

That’s not true of the 4s or the 6s.

The trains have 136 side tires and 12 load tires. Side tires
are those little tires that run along the side of the beam. Load
tires are between the cars.

A load tire sits inbetween cars like this…

(side veiw)
__________________________ ___________________
/ ||||
/ ||||
/ ||||
cabin area / OO |||| OO cabin area
/ OOOOOO |||| OOOOOO
/ OOtireOO |||| OOtireOO
_____________/ OOOOOO |||| OOOOOO _______
OO OO
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
||||||||||CONCRETE BEAMWAY||||||||||||
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

A side tire runs along the side like this:

(REAL simple drawing)
______________________
/
| |
| |
| |
| front view |
| |
| |
| |
|________________________| __cabin floor level
| |
| ______||||||______ |
| |_tire_||||||_tire_| |
_______ |||||| _______/
|beam|

If you go somewhere where the train passes over you, you can
look up and see the side tires under the train.

>I have one question now. How does each Mark VI cost?

Between 6 and 9 million depending whether you include certain
aspects, (refitting powers systems, post delivery mods, etc.).

>About a week ago, I got stuck on a Mark IV for about 30 minutes. It appeared
>to be the only Mark IV in operation at that time. After being on it for
>that long, I MUCH prefer the VI’s. (Bu then, my experience on that day
>was already a rather unpleasant experience. Perhaps I should write about
>that day. Boy am I mad!)

Those trains are twenty years old, but given the choice, I’d
rather be stuck on a Mk.4. The 4 has openable windows instead of
the “ventilation openings” of the Mk.6. Those “vents” are one inch
wide and abou four feet long, 2 of them located at each end of a
car that’s supposed to hold *65* passengers, most of them standing.
It’s cramped, and it gets hot dangerously fast, especially in the
cars located next to resistor banks.

If you’d been on a 6 you’d have been STANDING for that time.

The 4 also has a MUCH better chance of being troubleshootable by
the driver, and thus getting moving faster. Also it might not have
been your train that was broken. I might infer from your
dissatisfaction with the wait that the AC units were probably off.
In that case power was off and the train style makes no difference.
If you wrote me with more data I might be able to say more
accurately what might have happened.

And remember THIS tidbit. My roommate trained the last Mk.4
pilot to be checked out. This means that anyone in control of a 4
is a pilot with AT LEAST 2 years experience on the system, AND is
someone who could handle the MUCH more difficult (IMHO) Mk.4
training. (“Mk.6 onlys” will say that this isn’t true, but they’re
talking from conjecture, not experience…)

Also remember that we have 12 mark 6 trains. We only usually
run 3 on EPCOT and Exterior (MK express) – 4 at peak, and 4 on
Lagoon (resort). This means we only need 9 trains to operate.
The fact that the Mk.4 was out means that THREE Mk.6s were
inoperable at that time. We only had 11 Mk.4s. If 3 went down the
system was screwed. This almost never happened. I’ve seen three
Mk 6s die AT THE SAME MOMENT of different ailments.

Three time during the Test and Adjust phase the 6s were declared
too unsafe for further operation, and we had to use the 4s
exclusively. This became a problem when they started to take the
4s off the beam to make room for 6s. When the 6s would get
grounded we’d have only 9 Mk.4s TOTAL, but we got by. We used to
joke about what was gonna happen when they found such a problem
after we didn’t have enough Mk.4s to run with out the 6s.

The answer? Run the 6s anyway. I saw more fires on Mk. 6s in
the 2 years that I drove them than anyone could remember EVER
happening on the 4s. Hydraulics don’t catch on fire, electrical
relays do. And on top of this, the rear cab operator was
eliminated “because the Allison heat detection system can detect
any fires in the train.”

The Allison only covers the wheelwells of the train. If a car
were burning the Allison would never know till it burned through
the wall to the wheelwell. On top of this if there’s a fire, the
driver cannot possibly evecuate all the passengers to the roof of
the train (YES, that’s the procedure) by himself. Truthfully you’d
be pressed to do it with two people, but for one it’s not possible.

I had over a hundred Allison alarms in my time, only ONE was
real. On the flip side I saw a train come in (during testing) with
it’s ALLISON heat detector ON FIRE and not going off…

I sound pretty cynical don’t I? Well I’m not saying that the
Trains are deathboxes or anything. But In my opinion it’s only a
matter of time before there’s a serious accident, probably a fire.
A Mk.4 could drive in flames, but the Mk.6s electronics would
overheat and die, leaving the train stranded. This might sound
silly, but when we got the trains we had a lot of trouble with the
electronic door controls everytime it rained. Turned out the
boards weren’t covered from rain. They just got soaked if it
rained. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRG!

Maybe when they have to get Mk.7s (in a few years, since these
will NEVER last 20 like the 4s did) they’ll do it “in house”
instead of by the lowest bidder, and they’ll ask the drivers how
it should be…

Monorail Green

aka B-Man


The 23:00 News and Mail Service – +1 206 292 9048 – Seattle, WA USA
PEP, V.32, V.42bis
+++ A Waffle Iron, Model 1.64 +++

From: halcyon!monorail@seattleu.edu
Date: 24 Sep 91 15:33:22 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: Monorails: Yet more discussion

sumax!gte.com!krs0 (Rod Stephens) asked:

>What is the complete evacuation procedure for when a monorail is going
>up in flames? You mentioned that you move the passengers onto the
>roof, but then what?

The truth? You’re supposed to take a rope from the cabinet
under the driver’s seat, attatch it to a clip on top of the train
near the nose. Repel down the windscreen to the beamway. Attatch
the other end of the rope to a clip near the headlight. The
passengers are supposed to follow you down the windshield and walk
down the beam to a station.

They don’t figure you’ll be wanting to save any handicapped
guests, I guess. In fact, for $5.25 an hour, most pilots
probably wouldn’t get out on the roof anyway and have said so. I
would because I’m me, not because of any S.O.P.. The whole thing
is nuts considering that a full car’s load of people couldn’t get
on the roof all at once anyway (not enough space/handholds).

>
>Can the trains be separated easily? Like can you break the train and
>leave the burning car(s) behind?

Nope. The trains are assembled as one unit.

I should clairify that. Monorails come in 1 car portions on
the back of a flatbed truck. They are assembled onto the beam
with a crane, not to be separated until they’re dismounted for
scrap. One Mk.6 got misassembled (they reversed cars 3 & 4) and
had to be taken down and switched before it could run…

A monorail isn’t
like a normal train in that it has an engine and the rest of it is
dead weight. A monorail train has 8 motors in it, 113 horsepower
each in the new trains, 100 HP each in the mk.4s, spaced through
the train. The resistors and other components aren’t set up in a
fashion of “one per car” either. You can no more split a monorail
than a bus, but maintenence HAS tried…

WARNING! MONORAIL WAR STORY TO FOLLOW!!

When Adrian Scott was new to the department and going through
drive training, he was assigned one morning to bring monorail
orange out of shop. He and his trainer were getting the train
though switch #3, south of shop, but Adrian was taking a REAL
long time because he was a trainee. Book procedure calls for a
train to notify shop by radio when he’s clear of switch #3, since
shop can’t really see there. Shop then knows that its OK to move
the switch for the next train.

Well, since most of the opening crew are vets, we never much
bothered with extra radio traffic and got pretty loose on this
point. Shop would hear us notify switch #2 of our position and
know that we’d gotten clear of #3, so why bother?

Adrian was two cars over #3 when shop decided that it had been
SOOO long that he HAD to be clear of #3. They just must not have
heard the call to #2.

Adrian’s train started to shake. It made a funny noise that
made his trainer say “What the #@*%! is that!”. Cars 3-6 started
moving sideways in his mirror.

After a judicious amount of Adrian screaming into the radio,
shop turned the switch motors off and went to see what happened.
The train wasn’t torn in half, so they OKed it to continue on out
and we ran it that whole day. We just kept waiting for it to
“liberate” cars 1 & 2…

Monorail Green


The 23:00 News and Mail Service – +1 206 292 9048 – Seattle, WA USA
PEP, V.32, V.42bis
+++ A Waffle Iron, Model 1.64 +++

Computerized EEG Analysis Of Subjects Undergoing Synchro-Energization For Relaxation (December 14, 1990)

(word processor parameters LM=8, RM=75, TM=2, BM=2)
Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501
Sponsored by Vangard Sciences
PO BOX 1031
Mesquite, TX 75150

There are ABSOLUTELY NO RESTRICTIONS
on duplicating, publishing or distributing the
files on KeelyNet!

December 14, 1990

MIND6.ASC
——————————————————————–
This file is a short description of a presentation given at the
1990 American ElectroEncephalographic Society Annual Meeting
We wish to thank “Sgt.” Paul Carlson for providing it to KeelyNet.
——————————————————————–
Computerized EEG Analysis of Subjects Undergoing
Synchro-Energization for Relaxation

experiments and presentation prepared by
Sandra G. Loychik, Carroll P. Osgood, Bart C. Hayford,
James P. Burke and Dennis E. Hainsey

Department of Neurology, Altoona Hospital
Altoona, PA 16601

Computerized EEG signals were used to evaluate the effects of
“Synchro-Energizer” stimulation. Synchro-Energizer (S-E) devices
are the newest craze in stress reduction.

The S-E device includes dark goggles with tiny lights inside,
earphones and a control module that varies the light and sound
sequence. S-E salons are springing up around metropolitan areas and
are enjoying a lot of media attention.

Power Spectra were obtained for the standard frequency bands (delta,
theta, alpha and beta); activity in microvolts for each band was
measured before, during and after a twenty minute session on the S-E
device.

Although the S-E device is ALLEGED to induce a mental relaxation
response, we found no statistical evidence supporting existence of
LASTING relaxation-type changes, i.e. NO INCREASE in alpha or theta
range activity, in the EEG of thirty young, healthy volunteers
thirty minutes POST S-E use.

——————————————————————–
If you have comments or other information relating to such topics
as this paper covers, please upload to KeelyNet or send to the
Vangard Sciences address as listed on the first page.
Thank you for your consideration, interest and support.

Jerry W. Decker………Ron Barker………..Chuck Henderson
Vangard Sciences/KeelyNet
——————————————————————–
If we can be of service, you may contact
Jerry at (214) 324-8741 or Ron at (214) 242-9346
——————————————————————–

Geophysical Variables And Behaviour: Alterations In Imaginings And Suggestibility (December 7, 1990)

(word processor parameters LM=8, RM=75, TM=2, BM=2)
Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501
Sponsored by Vangard Sciences
PO BOX 1031
Mesquite, TX 75150

There are ABSOLUTELY NO RESTRICTIONS
on duplicating, publishing or distributing the
files on KeelyNet!

December 7, 1990

MIND5.ASC
——————————————————————–
this information courteously provided to KeelyNet by
Mark McCloud and Cheyenne Turner
——————————————————————–
taken from the article

Geophysical Variables and Behaviour: XXXIX
Alterations in Imaginings and Suggestibility
During Brief Magnetic Field Exposures

by Christine F. DeSano and M. A. Persinger
at Laurentian University

originally in Perceptual Motor Skills, 1987
——————————————————————–

Male and female subjects were exposed to alternating magnetic fields
of 1 and 4 Hertz which were applied across their mid-superior
Temporal lobes.

In addition, a green light was pulsed in phase with the magnetic
field while the participant was instructed to imagine an encounter
with an alien.

——————————————————————–

Rostral (at nose level) to the upper half of the ear, retractable
arms were placed, each containing a 25 CM (1 CM diameter) soft iron
nail wrapped (1050 turns) with insulated wire (20 gauge).

A function generator was used to drive the solenoids with sine wave
current at either 1 HZ or 4 HZ.

Magnetic field intensity was about 15 GAUSS at the skull surface.

Field strength measured at the temporal cortex was 2 GAUSS.

Maximum field strength as measured at the level of the frontal lobes
was 200 MGAUSS (a 10 factor decrease).

At the level of the hippocampus, field strength was 500 MGAUSS.

All subjects generated elaborate imaginings when exposed to a green
light flashing in sync with the driven solenoids.

Page 1

4 HZ field imaginings included a sensation of rising or floating.

The end result of the experiment was that hypnotic susceptibility
may be increased following magnetic-field exposure but that the most
effective frequency is different for each sex.

The quantity of imagery generated (particular the floating
sensations) INCREASED if the person observed a light flashing in
sync with a 4 HZ applied magnetic field.

Most interesting of all was that the magnetic field strengths were
MUCH LESS than those expected to occur in NATURAL SETTINGS.

——————————————————————–
Vangard Notes..

OMNI writer Dennis Stacy did an article on Persinger’s
research in December of 1988 (I think). It relates the UFO
encounter phenomenon and how it could quite possibly be
INDUCED by alternating magnetic fields of relatively low
intensity.

As I remember the article, Persinger was using a football
helmet with multiple solenoids placed in a grid and
supported over the skull.

When the helmet was driven by a computer as a peripheral
device (a printer), various patterns (characters) could be
projected onto the brain of the subject to induce various
effects.

If any of our KeelyNet associates come across this article, we
would appreciate a copy or uploading of the text that we might
annotate and included it in a text file.

——————————————————————–

If you have comments or other information relating to such topics
as this paper covers, please upload to KeelyNet or send to the
Vangard Sciences address as listed on the first page.
Thank you for your consideration, interest and support.

Jerry W. Decker………Ron Barker………..Chuck Henderson
Vangard Sciences/KeelyNet

——————————————————————–
If we can be of service, you may contact
Jerry at (214) 324-8741 or Ron at (214) 242-9346
——————————————————————–

Page 2

The Indian Rope Trick And Mind Control By Fakirs

(word processor parameters LM=8, RM=78, TM=2, BM=2)
Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501
Sponsored by Vangard Sciences
PO BOX 1031
Mesquite, TX 75150

July 30, 1999
Mind3.ASC

——————————————————————–

Mind Control
and the
Indian Rope Trick

——————————————————————–

In the book, “Beyond Telepathy”, Dr. Andrija Puharich recounts his
experience with an Indian fakir. Also present at the event were a
colleague and several hundred other witnesses.

A rope is cast up into the air where it remains suspended yet with
no visible means of support.

A small boy goes up the rope followed by an apparently angry
magician wielding a knife.

Both magician and boy seem to vanish at the top of the rope. Screams
are then heard, followed by a grisly rain of dismembered parts.

The magician reappears at the top of the rope and climbs back down
holding a bloody knife. He then places the bloody parts in a box,
closes the lid and within moments the boy emerges smiling and whole
with no apparent damage.

In some performances, witnesses see a dog run off with an arm or
leg which of course has to be recovered.

Puharich and his colleague saw the magician collect the parts of the
boy in a basket, go back up the rope and return with the boy whole.

All during this spectacle, pictures were taken to record the
phenomena. When the film was developed, the fakir and boy were seen
to be standing impassively by the rope lying coiled on the floor.

Puharich concludes that the

“hallucination was telepathically inspired and extended to the
several hundred people present.”

In 1934, the Rope trick was performed in London on two separate
occasions. When the film from concealed cameras was developed, the
rope was seen to remain lying on the ground while the boy sneaked
off to hide in the bushes.

Witnesses to the event were seeing scenes which did not actually
occur in reality, but the mental projections of someone skilled in
the art of either hypnosis or extreme concentration with the ability

Page 1

to telepathically project what they visualized.

A variation on the Rope trick was witnessed in French West Africa by
William Seabrook in 1930.

“There were two living children close to me. I touched them with
my hands. And equally close were the two men with their
swords….iron, three-dimensional, metal, cold and hard. And
this is what I now SAW with my eyes, but you will understand why
I am reluctant to tell of it, and that I do not know what SEEING
means.

Each man, holding his sword stiffly upward with his left hand,
tossed a child high in the air with his right, then caught it
full upon the point…..No blood flowed….

The crowd screamed now, falling to its knees. Many veiled their
eyes with their hands, others fell prostrate. Through the crowd
the jugglers marched, each bearing a child aloft, IMPALED UPON
HIS SWORD…

…and disappeared into the witchdoctor’s enclosure.”

Seabrook later saw and touched the children, who seemed completely
undamaged by their ordeal. Few illusions can be so arrogantly
paraded through a disbelieving crowd.

——————————————————————–

Recent conversations with our friend Larry B. yielded an interesting
story.

Loosely told, our friend said he knew a hypnotist who went to India
to study the fakirs and prove that neither mesmerism or hypnotism
could be used to influence the actions or perceptions of another
WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT or them being consciously aware of it.

On docking, the hypnotist was wandering around the dock when he met
a small, kindly Indian man. A discussion led to the purpose of the
visit. The hypnotist was looking at the Indian and stating that he
was absolutely certain the NO ONE COULD BE INFLUENCED against their
knowledge or without being aware of it.

As he spoke, a storm began to blow in. The clouds grew dark and
ominous and the wind began to rage. People were being blown down
and into the water while boats were tossed around as if made of
balsa wood.

The hypnotist grew rather alarmed at what was happening around him
and on looking back at the Indian, he noticed a kindly smile.
INSTANTLY, all signs of a storm disappeared to reveal a perfectly
clear day as if NOTHING HAD HAPPENED AT ALL.

Needless to say, the stunned hypnotist actively sought the
instruction of this unusual Indian. Further exploits involved the
introduction of the hypnotist to an Indian fakir.

Discussions with the fakir came to the inevitable point of proof.
At that time the hypnotist saw the man pick up a flower pot and dash

Page 2

it against the corner of the room where it broke in many pieces.

The fakir then told the hypnotist that an illusion could best be
broken or avoided by anything which focuses concentration. This
could be a sensation such as pain, or intense concentration on
something which you know, without doubt to be true.

The hypnotist was told to select such a fact at which he chose
2+2=4. The fakir instructed him to continue to concentrate on that
fact by repeating it over and over.

As the hypnotist carried out these simple instructions, he looked
over at the corner where the broken flower pot was lying.

To his amazement, there was nothing there. On turning to the fakir,
he saw the flower pot held in the fakir’s hand as if it had never
been thrown.

He was confused momentarily which caused him to break concentration,
As this occurred, the flower pot in the man’s hand disappeared and
reappeared broken in the corner just as it had been “thrown” in the
beginning.

On again focussing his concentration on 2+2=4, the flower pot was
restored in the fakir’s hand.

——————————————————————–

Another story involved the witnessing of the rope trick. The man
observing the event was quite taken up in the unfolding drama when
he suddenly felt a sharp sting at the base of his neck.

When the sting occurred, he slapped at it and again looked toward
the fakir and his assistant. To his amazement, the fakir and the
boy were seen to be sitting quite still with the rope at their side.

The crowd was collectively looking into the air as if the entire
drama was continuing.

——————————————————————–

Much of the above is unverifiable, however, there seems to be some
basic observations here which do follow the premises of MIND1, MIND2
and other mind control information. We would be most interested in
any information you might have on this subject.

——————————————————————–

If you have comments or other information relating to such topics as
this paper covers, please upload to KeelyNet or send to the Vangard
Sciences address as listed on the first page. Thank you for your
consideration, interest and support.

Jerry W. Decker………Ron Barker………..Chuck Henderson
Vangard Sciences/KeelyNet

——————————————————————–
If we can be of service, you may contact
Jerry at (214) 324-8741 or Ron at (214) 484-3189
——————————————————————–

Page 3

Radio Waves And Life, By Tom Jaski (September, 1960

(word processor parameters LM=1, RM=70, TM=2, BM=2)
KeelyNet filename : Mind1.ASC or Mind1.ZIP
Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501
Sponsored by Vangard Sciences
PO BOX 1031
Mesquite, TX 75150

this information courtesy of Jerry Gallimore
Radio Waves & Life
by Tom Jaski
Electronics – September 1960

In a recent editorial (August, 1959), Hugo Gernsback called
for a serious reappraisal of the effects of radio waves on human
and animal physiology. In view of the almost casual use of high-
power radar and industrial RF (radio frequency) heating equipment,
this is certainly a timely word of warning.

It is not surprising then that the Air Force is already
keenly aware of these problems, and has a number of projects under
way to discover the exact effects of high-intensity radar pulses
and microwaves on human and animal tissue. These projects are
being carried out at our major universities, each specializing in
one particular frequency. For example, the project at the
University of California, under the direction of Prof. Charles
Susskind, is primarily investigating the effects of 3-CM radar
energy. Test subjects are mice, ants, and yeast cells.

Thermal Effects

Of great importance, and therefore under intensive
investigation, are the thermal effects of such waves, and these
have been measured rather precisely under a variety of conditions.

Using mice as subjects, it was found that near-lethal doses
of radiation do not seem to cause any pathological changes in
them, and that the lethal effect is primarily an overtaxing of the
mice’s temperature-balancing system. It was found that the major
heating effect took place immediately under the skin, but of
course heat generated there is rapidly distributed through the
body. The temperature of the mice was monitored continuously.

The photograph shows zoologist Susan Prausnitz monitoraing
the temperature of a mouse suspended in the wire cage right in
front of the waveguide just visible on the left. The mouse is
slowly rotated to insure even radiation over the entire body.
Death occurred in 50% of the mice when a critical temperature of
44.1 Centrigrade was reached.

Other interesting findings include the fact that radar waves
appear to have no significant effect on the fertility of the male
mice. The effects of radar waves on the longevity of the mice are
currently being investigated.

An intensive series of experiments was carried out on
cellular organisms, such as yeast cells, but, other than showing
thermal effects, the experiments with insects such as ants
delivered relatively minor data.

Page 1

But one interesting item which emerged was that the ants,
normally moving every which way, in a Petri dish, will all line up
in a 3-CM field, aligning their antennas parallel to the field,
apparently to minimize the effects.

The project is continuing, and more research on mice, ants
and other animals is contemplated. Psychological effects will be
looked into. One promising item in the ant experiments was that
the ants which were exposed to 3-CM waves apparently lost the
ability, at least temporarily, to communicate the source of food
to their fellows, as ants usually do.

It may be significant that the large ants used have antennas
which measure very nearly one-fourth the wavelength of the 3-CM
radiation.

Incidentally, mice are so frequently used for this kind of
experiment because they are easily handled, easily obtained and
relatively inexpensive, while their physiology and metabolism bear
a useful resemblance to human counterparts in some ways. The life
span of a mouse is limited, permitting experimenters to evaluate
genetic effects over several generations.

Meanwhile other service branches are carrying out research
programs concerned with the effects of radio waves on animal life,
not necessarily limited to radar frequencies.

A public announcement by scientists at the National Institute
for Neurological Diseases concerning the LETHAL EFFECTS of 388-MC
radio waves on monkeys also shows there is great interest in other
frequencies and effects BESIDES THERMAL.

Some Early Reports

As long ago as 1930, Nrunori claims to have seen evidence
that the human organism “radiates” and “reacts to” radio waves of
2.33 meters and its harmonics – in other words: 129, 258, 387 and
596 MC (megacycles i.e. million cycles per second).

This brings to mind the work of a man who started publishing
articles on this kind of subject more than 35 years ago. An
Italian university professor named Cazzamalli placed human
subjects in a shielded room, subjected them to high-frequency
radio waves, and claimed to be able to record a “beat” which, he
RECEIVED ON A SIMPLE UNTUNED RECEIVER consisting of a galena
crystal, a small capacitor, antenna and sensitive galvanometer.
Cazzamalli’s equipment, as well as it can be determined from his
early articles, is shown in Fig. 1.

The one item which he never mentions, perhaps because he
could not accurately determine it, is the POWER OF HIS
TRANSMITTER.

He published oscillograms purportedly showing VARIATIONS of
the “beats” when his subjects were EMOTIONALLY AROUSED OR ENGAGED
IN CREATIVE EFFORTS.

Later experiments delivered much more startling results: he
found that some of his subjects would HALLUCINATE under the
influence of the high-frequency radio waves, which ranged all the
way up to 300 MC.
Page 2

The Cazzamalli experiments were carefully duplicated with
modern equipment, of much greater sensitivity than his. His
“oscillatori telegrafica” (presumably a transmitter as used for
wireless telegraphy) was replaced with a very modest low-power
oscillator. The reason for this was twofold.

In the first place, university authorities take a very dim
view of experiments on human beings, even if these subjects are
the scientists themselves, volunteering for the part.

Second, a previous experiment had indicated in a rather
startling way that POWER WAS NOT REQUIRED TO EVOKE EFFECTS IN THE
HUMAN NERVOUS SYSTEM. In fact, there seemed to be SOME SORT OF
RESONANT FREQUENCY APPLICABLE TO EACH INDIVIDUAL HUMAN.

Effects on Humans

That experiment was suggested by the behavior of the monkeys
we cited. These animals went through a sequence of behavior which
would indicate that something besides thermal effects was
operating.

To discover if this “something” was subjectively noticeable
by an individual, a weak oscillator swept through the band of 300
to 600 MC with the request that the subject indicate any points at
which he might notice anything unusual. The subjects were not
allowed to see the dial.

AT A PARTICULAR FREQUENCY BETWEEN 380 TO 500 MC FOR DIFFERENT
SUBJECTS, they repeatedly indicated a point with ALMOST
UNBELIEVABLE ACCURACY (as many as 14 out of 15 times).

Subsequent experiments with the same subjects showed that at
the “individual” frequency, STRANGE THINGS WERE FELT. Asked to
describe the experience, all subjects agreed there was a definite
“pulsing” in the brain, ringing in the ears and a DESIRE TO PUT
THEIR TEETH INTO THE NEAREST EXPERIMENTER.

The oscillator in this case was putting out only MILLIWATTS
OF POWER, and WAS PLACED SEVERAL FEET FROM THE SUBJECT.

Optical and Growth Effects

It was not the first time that such phenomena had been
observed. Van Everdingen, a Dutch scientist, had discovered many
years ago that radiation would affect the heartbeat of chicken
embryos, when he was experimenting with the effects of high-
frequency radiation on growth (specifically working toward any
effect it might have on malignant growths).

Van Everdingen used 1,875 MC and 3,000 MC and discovered that
this kind of radiation WOULD CHANGE THE OPTICAL PROPERTIES OF A
GLYCOGEN SOLUTION.

Glycogen is a substance which provides our muscles with
energy! Van Everdingen found that this change of optical
polarization had some CONNECTION WITH TUMOR GROWTH. He proceeded
to RE-ROTATE THE POLARIZATION IN EXTRACTS OBTAINED FROM TUMOR-
PRODUCING MICE.

Page 3

When this optically “pure” substance was injected into mice
with malignant tumors, and these mice were kept on a diet free of
animal fats, THE TUMORS WOULD CEASE TO GROW. Only radiation at
UHF (ultra-high) or SHF (super-high frequency) would produce these
effects in the substances he used.

But Van Everdingen was not the only one who discovered
important facts about radiation on living tissues. Years before,
a Frenchman name Lakhovsky claimed to have removed tumors from
patients with high-frequency radiation treatments, and his book,
THE SECRET OF LIFE, has a number of attestations in it from
grateful patients who were cured.

Lakhovsky stated that healthy plant growth is materially
aided BY PLACING A COPPER RING ABOUT 8 INCHES IN DIAMETER and
supported on an insulating wooden stick (Fig. 2) AROUND THE PLANT.

So-called tumerous growths on plants disappeared withing such
a ring. Lakhovsky’s experiment with plants has been duplicated
successfully. But then we should also note that the same kind of
thing has been done by a group of devout citizens using GROUP
PRAYER!

But the people who have published the most data on the
subject of UHF radiation effects on animals and human subjects are
the Russians. In BIOFISICA, the Russian biophysics journal, a
scientist named Livshits published two survery articles on the
work that had been in this field by 1958 and 1959. They are too
extensive to repeat in great detail here, but some of the more
impressive highlights will be reported.

Many experiments were carried out on animals with conditioned
reflexes, and one by Glezer showed that a WEAK UHF FIELD would
INHIBIT THE CONDITIONED REFLEX, indicating that some inhibition of
the cortex was taking place.

As in Van Everdingen’s experiment with chicken eggs,
Pardzhanidze showed that the EEG’s of rabbits were DRASTICALLY
CHANGED WHEN THE ANIMALS WERE SUBJECTED TO A UHF FIELD. Bludova,
Kurilova and Tikhonova showed that the field produced AN INCREASE
OF SENSITIVITY IN THE RETINA, and simultaneously REDUCED THE AREA
OF COLOR SENSITIVITY.

It is interesting to speculate how this would correlate with
the Land effects. (Land, of Polaroid camera fame, has shown
recently that our concepts of three-color vision seems to depend
primarily on the presence of two images STIMULATED BY TWO
DIFFERENT FREQUENCIES OF LIGHT!)

Turlygin similarly showed that the sensitivity of the eyes of
dark-adapted subjects at marginal levels was INCREASED AS MUCH AS
100% BY THE PRESENCE OF A UHF FIELD.

Nerve Effects

Of importance in the light of Lakhovsky’s claims is the
experiment by Grigoreva, who showed that short exposures to UHF
would EXPEDITE THE REGROWTH OF SEVERED NERVE TISSUE, while
prolonged exposure would SUPPRESS THE REGROWTH.

Page 4

A fact discovered many years ago is that a UHF field will
have an ANALGESIC (pain-reducing) effect on nerves, and radiation
therapy of patients with painful diseases such as arthritis is
fairly common practice here and abroad.

If the field gets very intense, the situation reverses, and
the effects on the nerves can be extremely painful, as Lebedinskii
reports.

Numerous experiments are cited which deal with the
simultaneous effects of various kinds of drugs, stimulants and
toxins, and UHF fields. Many of these deal with very specific
reactions and conditions, and any generalization would be rather
meaningless. One particularly was of interest because of its
relation to the experiments of the late Pavlov, the father of the
conditioned reflex.

This experiment shows that the field INCREASES THE SECRETION
OF HISTAMINE IN THE STOMACH, and in related experiments that the
secretion of digestive juice which was artificially stimulated by
such drugs as atropine is MATERIALLY REDUCED BY THE FIELD.

Closer to home, we find that Hugh Fleming at Oregon State
College carried out experiments on the effects of HIGH-FREQUENCY
EFFECTS ON MICROORGANISMS. Fleming used radiation at frequencies
varying from 10 meters to 90 CM (30 to 270 MC).

One result was that the RATE OF GROWTH OF CELLS WILL INCREASE
to a certain power level, and then will SHARPLY DECREASE.

TIME OF EXPOSURE and CONDUCTIVITY OF THE MEDIUM are IMPORTANT
VARIABLES (as was also discovered by Van Everdingen, who also
found the VISCOSITY OF THE MEDIUM to be MOST IMPORTANT).

Summing it up

Now what does all this mean in terms of Mr. Gernsback’s
warning statement?

If you consider the few items we have been able to quote
(more detail can be found in the articles cited in the
bibliographhy), it is obvious that WE ARE IN SOME WAY SUSCEPTIBLE
TO RADIO WAVES, and that our susceptibility IS NOT NECESSARY
LIMITED TO A PARTICULAR FREQUENCY. Nor are large amounts of power
required to produce some of the effects within us.

But precisely what these effects are, we understand not at
all. Van Everdingen points out that the possibility of molecular
resonance, AFFECTING THE CHEMICAL BONDS in our very substance.

The egg experiments certainly indicate some sort of
interference with the cortex (our “gray matter”) which MAY AFFECT
OUR THINKING AND OUT CONTROL OVER THE “BASER” DRIVES (generally
considered to be generated in the lower sections of the brain, but
normally controlled or inhibited by the cortex).

Our physiological functions, such as our digestion, our
ability to see and recover from damage when nerves are involved
may well be drastically affected if we are subjected to a high
enough power level.

Page 5

Tumors may be inhibited BY THE PROPER KIND OF RADIO WAVERS
yet, in other cases, particularly when coupled with the “wrong”
kind of DIET, radiation may also PROMOTE THE GROWTH OF TUMORS.
(This too was demonstrated by Van Everdingen in Holland).

WE DO NOT KNOW IF OUR LONGEVITY WILL BE AFFECTED. Certainly
we should consider the possibility that there may be SOME
RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE INCREASE OF CANCER AND THE AMOUNT OF
RADIATION we indiscriminately spew into the atmosphere.

Or even that there may be some connection between that
radiation and our SHARPLY INCREASING CRIME RATES.

We simply do not know enough about the effects, but what
little we do know would tend to make Mr. Gernsback’s warning all
the more urgent.

For while there is nothing lethal about the doses of radio-
frequency energy we absorb daily, neither is there anything lethal
in the STEADY DRIP OF WATER ON A MAN’S FOREHEAD – but it was
effectively used by medieval torturers to drive him completely out
of his mind.

Perhaps we have a responsibility to mankind, before we fill
in all the gaps in the radio spectrum, to discover once and for
all if we are affecting human life on this planet. And if so, in
what manner, as we finally had to do for another surprise out of
Pandora’s box, man-made radioactivity.

——————————————————————

We felt this would be of extreme interest to our users since it
provided such a wealth of detail as to frequencies and specific
effects. It is directly related to Mind Control techniques as
we have seen from other papers. These will be included if we
can get the authors permission to type it all in.

If we can be of further service or you wish to share information
on this topic or others of interest, please upload to KeelyNet
or send to the Vangard Sciences address on the title page.

One of our primary purposes is to network and share information.
We believe that is the optimum means of inducing change.

We believe, encourage and practice the concept of Shareware.

What is shared is returned at least 10 fold
as we have seen in our experience,
if not with us, with others who will pass it on.
This can take the form of
financial contributions, information or goods.

Thank you for your support!

Page 6

References

F. Cazzamalli – “Electromagnetic Radiation Phenomena from Human
Cerebrum During Intense Activity of Creative
Artistic Nature”, Neurologica, 1935.

– “Experiments, Discussions and Problems of
Biophysics of Cerebrum”,
Quaderni Di Psichiatria, 1929.

– “Telepsychic Phenomena and Radiation from
Cerebrum”, Neurologica, 1923.

– “About a Phenomenon of Cerebropsychic Radiation
and Biophysical Methods of Exploring It,”
Neuropsychiatrica, 1934.

W.A.G. Van Everdingen

– “Molecular Changes of Structure Resulting from
Irradiation with Hertzian Waves of Frequency of
1875 MC,”
Nederlands Tijdschrift voor Geneeskunde, Nov. 40′

– “Molecular Changes and Modifications of Structure
Resulting from Radiation with Hertzian Waves of
Wavelength of 10 CM (frequency 3000 MC),”
Nederlands Tijdschrift voor Geneeskunde, Jul. 41′

– “Changes in Physiochemical Nature of Organic Bonds
by Irradiation, Mostly in Connection with the
Cancer Problem,”
Nederlands Tijdschrift voor Geneeskunde, Feb. 43′
K. F. Grishina

– “Importance of Certain Points of Methods in Local
Response of Tissues to Centimeter Waves,”
Biophyzika, Vol. 35, No. 3, pp. 358-362, 1958

B. S. Jacobson, S. B. Prausnitz and C. Susskind

– “Investigation of Thermal Balance in Mammals by
Means of Microwave Radiation,”
Transactions on Medical Electronics
Proceedings of the IRE, June, 1959

Frank, Leary

– “Researching Microwave Health Hazards,”
Electronics, February, 1959
N. N. Livshits

– “Role of Nervous System in Reactions to
Ultra-High-Frequency Electromagnetic Fields,”
Biofizika, Vol. 2, No. 3, 1957
(has a 96-item bibliography)

– “Effects of Ultra-High-Frequency Field on
Functions of Nervous Systems,”
Biofizika, Vol. 3, No. 4 pp. 426-436, 1958

Page 7

A. S. Pressman

– “Methods of Experimentally Irradiating Small
Animals with Centimeter Waves,”
Biofizika, Vol. 3, No. 3, pp. 354-358, 1958

Hugh Fleming

– “Effects of High-Frequency Fields on
Micro-Organisms,”
Electrical Engineering, pp. 18-21, Jan. 1944

N. Nrunori and S. Torrisi

– “Ultra-High-Frequency Electromagnetic Vibrations,
Their Effects on Living Organisms,”
American Journal of Physical Therapy, Jun. 1930

P. Liebesy

– “Athermic Short Wave Therapy,”
Archives of Physical Therapy, December, 1938

Page 8

Energy Limits To The Computational Power Of The Human Brain, By Ralph C. Merkle

Energy Limits to the Computational Power of the Human Brain
by Ralph C. Merkle

Xerox PARC
3333 Coyote Hill Road
Palo Alto, CA 94304
merkle@xerox.com

This article will appear in Foresight Update #6

The Brain as a Computer

The view that the brain can be seen as a type of computer has gained
general acceptance in the philosophical and computer science community.
Just as we ask how many mips or megaflops an IBM PC or a Cray can perform,
we can ask how many operations the human brain can perform. Neither the
mip nor the megaflop seems quite appropriate, though; we need something
new. One possibility is the number of synapse operations per second.

A second possible “basic operation” is inspired by the observation that
signal propagation is a major limit. As gates become faster, smaller, and
cheaper, simply getting a signal from one gate to another becomes a major
issue. The brain couldn’t compute if nerve impulses didn’t carry
information from one synapse to the next, and propagating a nerve impulse
using the electrochemical technology of the brain requires a measurable
amount of energy. Thus, instead of measuring synapse operations per
second, we might measure the total distance that all nerve impulses
combined can travel per second, e.g., total nerve-impulse-distance per
second.

Other Estimates

There are other ways to estimate the brain’s computational power. We might
count the number of synapses, guess their speed of operation, and determine
synapse operations per second. There are roughly 10**15 synapses operating
at about 10 impulses/second [2], giving roughly 10**16 synapse operations
per second.

A second approach is to estimate the computational power of the retina, and
then multiply this estimate by the ratio of brain size to retinal size. The
retina is relatively well understood so we can make a reasonable estimate
of its computational power. The output of the retina — carried by the
optic nerve — is primarily from retinal ganglion cells that perform
“center surround” computations (or related computations of roughly similar
complexity). If we assume that a typical center surround computation
requires about 100 analog adds and is done about 100 times per second [3],
then computation of the axonal output of each ganglion cell requires about
10,000 analog adds per second. There are about 1,000,000 axons in the
optic nerve [5, page 21], so the retina as a whole performs about 10**10
analog adds per second. There are about 10**8 nerve cells in the retina
[5, page 26], and between 10**10 and 10**12 nerve cells in the brain [5, �34���3����������������
Špage 7], so the brain is roughly 100 to 10,000 times larger than the
retina. By this logic, the brain should be able to do about 10**12 to
10**14 operations per second (in good agreement with the estimate of
Moravec, who considers this approach in more detail [4, page 57 and 163]).

The Brain Uses Energy

A third approach is to measure the total energy used by the brain each
second, and then determine the energy used for each “basic operation.”
Dividing the former by the latter gives the maximum number of basic
operations per second. We need two pieces of information: the total energy
consumed by the brain each second, and the energy used by a “basic operation.”
The total energy consumption of the brain is about 25 watts [2]. Inasmuch
as a significant fraction of this energy will not be used for “useful
computation,” we can reasonably round this to 10 watts.

Nerve Impulses Use Energy

Nerve impulses are carried by either myelinated or un-myelinated axons.
Myelinated axons are wrapped in a fatty insulating myelin sheath,
interrupted at intervals of about 1 millimeter to expose the axon. These
interruptions are called “nodes of Ranvier.” Propagation of a nerve
impulse in a myelinated axon is from one node of Ranvier to the next —
jumping over the insulated portion.

A nerve cell has a “resting potential” — the outside of the nerve cell is
0 volts (by definition), while the inside is about -60 millivolts. There
is more Na+ outside a nerve cell than inside, and this chemical
concentration gradient effectively adds about 50 extra millivolts to the
voltage acting on the Na+ ions, for a total of about 110 millivolts [1,
page 15]. When a nerve impulse passes by, the internal voltage briefly
rises above 0 volts because of an inrush of Na+ ions.

The Energy of a Nerve Impulse

Nerve cell membranes have a capacitance of 1 microfarad per square
centimeter, so the capacitance of a relatively small 30 square micron node
of Ranvier is 3 x 10**-13 farads (assuming small nodes tends to
overestimate the computational power of the brain). The internodal region
is about 1,000 microns in length, 500 times longer than the 2 micron node,
but because of the myelin sheath its capacitance is about 250 times lower
per square micron [5, page 180; 7, page 126] or only twice that of the
node. The total capacitance of a single node and internodal gap is thus
about 9 x 10**-13 farads. The total energy in joules held by such a
capacitor at 0.11 volts is 1/2 V**2 x C, or 1/2 x 0.11**2 x 9 x 10**-13, or
5 x 10**-15 joules. This capacitor is discharged and then recharged
whenever a nerve impulse passes, dissipating 5 x 10**-15 joules. A 10 watt
brain can therefore do at most 2 x 10**15 such “Ranvier ops” per second.
Both larger myelinated fibers and unmyelinated fibers dissipate more
energy. Various other factors not considered here increase the total
energy per nerve impulse [8], causing us to somewhat overestimate the
number of “Ranvier ops” the brain can perform. It still provides a useful
upper bound and is unlikely to be in error by more than an order of
magnitude.
�3k���3������������������� �
ŠTo translate “Ranvier ops” (1-millimeter jumps) into synapse opons we
must know the average distance between synapses, which is not normally
given in neuroscience texts. We can estimate it: a human can recognize an
image in about 100 milliseconds, which can take at most 100 one-millisecond
synapse delays. A single signal probably travels 100 millimeters in that
time (from the eye to the back of the brain, and then some). If it passes
100 synapses in 100 millimeters then it passes one synapse every millimeter
— which means one “synapse operation” is about one “Ranvier operation.”

Discussion

Both “synapse ops” and “Ranvier ops” are quite low-level. The higher level
“analog addition ops” seem intuitively more powerful, so it is perhaps not
surprising that the brain can perform fewer of them.

While the software remains a major challenge, we will soon be able to build
hardware powerful enough to perform more such operations per second than
can the human brain. There is already a massively parallel multi-processor
being built at IBM Yorktown with a raw computational power of 10**12
floating point operations per second: the TF-1. It should be working in
1991 [6]. When we can build a desktop computer able to deliver 10**25 gate
operations per second and more (as we will surely be able to do with a
mature nanotechnology) and when we can write software to take advantage of
that hardware (as we will also eventually be able to do), a single computer
with abilities equivalent to a billion to a trillion human beings will be a
reality. If a problem might today be solved by freeing all humanity from
all mundane cares and concerns, and focusing all their combined
intellectual energies upon it, then that problem can be solved in the
future by a personal computer. No field will be left unchanged by this
staggering increase in our abilities.

Conclusion

The total computational power of the brain is limited by several factors,
including the ability to propagate nerve impulses from one place in the
brain to another. Propagating a nerve impulse a distance of 1 millimeter
requires about 5 x 10**-15 joules. Because the total energy dissipated by
the brain is about 10 watts, this means nerve impulses can collectively
travel at most 2 x 10**15 millimeters per second. By estimating the
distance between synapses we can in turn estimate how many synapse
operations per second the brain can do. This estimate is only slightly
smaller than one based on multiplying the estimated number of synapses by
the average firing rate, and two orders of magnitude greater than one based
on functional estimates of retinal computational power. It seems
reasonable to conclude that the human brain has a “raw” computational power
between 10**13 and 10**16 “operations” per second.

References

1. Ionic Channels of Excitable Membranes, by Bertil Hille, Sinauer, 1984.
2. Principles of Neural Science, by Eric R. Kandel and James H. Schwartz,
2nd edition, Elsevier, 1985.
3. Tom Binford, private communication.
4. Mind Children, by Hans Moravec, Harvard University Press, 1988.
5. From Neuron to Brain, second edition, by Stephen W. Kuffler, John G. �ï�7���3����������������
ŠNichols, and A. Robert Martin, Sinauer, 1984.
6. “The switching network of the TF-1 Parallel Supercomputer” by Monty M.
Denneau, Peter H. Hochschild, and Gideon Shichman, Supercomputing, winter
1988 pages 7-10.
7. Myelin, by Pierre Morell, Plenum Press, 1977.
8. “The production and absorption of heat associated with electrical
activity in nerve and electric organ” by J. M. Ritchie and R. D. Keynes,
Quarterly Review of Biophysics 18, 4 (1985), pp. 451-476.

Acknowledgements
The author would like to thank Richard Aldritch, Tom Binford, Eric Drexler,
Hans Moravec, and Irwin Sobel for their comments and their patience in
answering questions.

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How Many Bytes In Human Memory, By Ralph C. Merkle (1988)

How Many Bytes in Human Memory?
by Ralph C. Merkle
(appeared in Foresight Update No. 4, 1988)
(merkle.pa@xerox.com)

Today it is commonplace to compare the human brain to a
computer, and the human mind to a program running on that
computer. Once seen as just a poetic metaphore, this viewpoint
is now supported by most philosophers of human consciousness and
most researchers in artificial intelligence. If we take this view
literally, then just as we can ask how many megabytes of RAM a PC
has we should be able to ask how many megabytes (or gigabytes, or
terabytes, or whatever) of memory the human brain has.

Several approximations to this number have already appeared in the
literature based on ‘hardware’ considerations (though in the case
of the human brain perhaps the term ‘wetware’ is more
appropriate). One estimate of 10**20 bits is actually an early
estimate (by Von Neumann in ‘The Computer and the Brain’) of all
the neural impulses conducted by the brain during a lifetime. This
number is almost certainly larger than the true answer. Another
method is to estimate the total number of synapses, and then
presume that each synapse can hold a few bits. Estimates of the
number of synapses have been made in the range from 10**13 to 10**15
— with corresponding estimates of memory capacity.

A fundamental problem with these approaches is that they rely on
rather poor estimates of the raw hardware in the system. The
brain is highly redundant and not well understood: the mere fact
that a great mass of synapses exists does not imply that they are
in fact contributing to the memory capacity. This makes the work
of Thomas K. Landauer very interesting for he has entirely avoided
this hardware guessing game by measuring the actual functional
capacity of human memory directly (‘How Much Do People
Remember? Some Estimates of the Quantity of Learned
Information in Long-term Memory’ in Cognitive Science 10, 477-
493, 1986).

Landauer works at Bell Communications Research — closely
affiliated with Bell Labs where the modern study of information
theory was begun by C. E. Shannon to analyze the information
carrying capacity of telephone lines (a subject of great interest to
a telephone company). Landauer naturally used these tools by
viewing human memory as a novel ‘telephone line’ that carries
information from the past to the future. The capacity of this ��3/����3������������������� �
妏hone line’ can be determined by measuring the information
that goes in and the information that comes out — the great power
of modern information theory can be applied.

Landauer reviewed and quantitatively analyzed experiments by
himself and others in which people were asked to read text; look at
pictures; hear words, short passages of music, sentences and
nonsense syllables. After delays ranging from minutes to days the
subjects were then tested to determine how much they had
retained. The tests were quite sensitive (they did not merely ask
‘What do you remember?’) often using true/false or multiple choice
questions, in which even a vague memory of the material would
allow selection of the correct choice. Often, the differential
abilities of a group that had been exposed to the material and
another group that had not been exposed to the material were used.
The difference in the scores between the two groups was used to
estimate the amount actually remembered (to control for the
number of correct answers an intelligent human could guess
without ever having seen the material). Because experiments by
many different experimenters were summarized and analyzed, the
results of the analysis are fairly robust; they are insensitive to
fine details or specific conditions of one or another experiment.
Finally, the amount remembered was divided by the time alloted to
memorization to determine the number of bits remembered per
second.

The remarkable result of this work was that human beings
remembered very nearly two bits per second under ALL the
experimental conditions. Visual, verbal, musical, or whatever —
two bits per second. Continued over a lifetime, this rate of
memorization would produce somewhat over 10**9 bits, or a few
hundred megabytes.

While this estimate is probably only accurate to within an order of
magnitude, Landauer says ‘We need answers at this level of
accuracy to think about such questions as: What sort of storage
and retrieval capacities will computers need to mimic human
performance? What sort of physical unit should we expect to
constitute the elements of information storage in the brain:
molecular parts, synaptic junctions, whole cells, or cell-circuits?
What kinds of coding and storage methods are reasonable to
postulate for the neural support of human capabilities? In
modeling or mimicking human intelligence, what size of memory
and what efficiencies of use should we imagine we are copying?
How much would a robot need to know to match a person?’

What is interesting about Landauer’s estimate is its small size.
Perhaps more interesting is the trend — from Von Neumann’s early
and very high estimate, to the high estimates based on rough
synapse counts, to a better supported and more modest estimate
based on information theoretic considerations. While Landauer
doesn’t measure everything (he did not measure, for example, the
bit rate in learning to ride a bicycle nor does his estimate even
consider the size of ‘working memory’) his estimate of memory
capacity suggests that the capabilities of the human brain are ��3f����3������������������� �
奱pproachable than we had thought. While this might come as
a blow to our egos, it suggests that we could build a device with
the skills and abilities of a human being with little more hardware
than we now have — if only we knew the correct way to organize
that hardware.

X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven

& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560

“Raw Data for Raw Nerves”
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X

Mera Peak (21,600 Feet), Nepal By Chris Ellingham

Newsgroups: rec.backcountry
From: czichon@psyche.csc.ti.com (Cary Czichon)
Subject: Mera Peak (Nepal) Trekking Report
Message-ID:
Organization: Texas Instruments
Date: Tue, 16 Feb 1993 01:00:12 GMT
Lines: 1017

I publish the quarterly newletter for TI’s mountaineering club. The club has
members in North America and in Europe. Occasionally, I receive trip reports
from people who’ve completed once-in-a-lifetime climbs. Readers of this
newsgroup contemplating a Himalayan trek should find this report informative.

Cary Czichon
czichon@csc.ti.com
——————————————————————————

Mera Peak (21,600 feet), Nepal
by
Chris Ellingham

INTRODUCTION

This is the account of a four week trekking expedition in November 1992 to a
trekking peak, Mera Peak, in the Himalayas. I’ve written it chiefly as an
expansion of the informal diary I kept with some additional explanatory
material.

The term trekking peak is a legal designation meaning that the Peak is one
of 18 mountains in Nepal between 18,330 feet and 21,830 feet which may be
climbed by foreign parties upon payment of a small fee ($150 to $300 for a
party of 10) to the Nepalese government and completion of a, comparatively
small, set of documents. Although all the trekking peaks can be reached
without technical mountaineering (we did) technical mountaineering is allowed
by the same permit. The permit requires that parties promise to observe
certain rules – eg. on taking Sherpa guides and on the payment and insurance for
trek staff – and to remove litter etc. Perhaps “non-expedition” would be a
better designation than “trekking”.

By contrast there are another 104 peaks which foreign parties are allowed
access to. These are for major expeditions and require a large amount of red
tape to be completed before a permit will be granted. The permits are also
considerably more expensive. The number of parties is rationed – I believe
that there is a 10 year waiting list for Everest. Not all peaks can be legally
climbed. Some peaks are sacred and no access is allowed.

Our expedition was organised by North West Frontiers of Ullapool, Scotland.
The company handled all local arrangements, flight bookings etc. All we had to
do was to turn up in a reasonable state of fitness with suitable kit!

As I hope you will gather from the account the expedition was not a grim,
survival experience but an extremely enjoyable month with a group of strangers
who rapidly became good friends. Teasing and chaff was the order of the day –
as you will find below.

This was my second trip to the Himalayas. My first, in 1988, was straight trek
without any real snow or ice work. The highest point we reached than was
16,800 feet. Andy (see below) led that trip too, and John was also in the
party.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Andy:

A professional trek leader with his own company, North West frontiers, which
organises walking holidays in the Scottish Highlands and Islands, and a number
of overseas trips (such as this one). A relaxed and knowledgeable leader.
Just about accepted designation of his assistant as Young Andy, but certainly
didn’t like the suggestion of “Old Andy” for himself. Whoops, there goes any
chance of my negotiating a discount for the next trek!

Young Andy:

Another professional trek leader who works on occasions for Andy. An
experienced mountaineer who has been on major expeditions in South America.
Joined us late in the trek to assist on the ascent of Mera. He came from
working as assistant leader for a climbing party in the Annurpana area.

Ian:

A Scottish forestry manager in his late 30s who carried a St Andrew’s Cross
flag to plant on the summit. (Took a dim view of any suggestions that this was
an English party). An experienced walker in the Scottish hills, but this was
his first visit to the Himalayas. His wife hadn’t joined the party, though she
insisted upon his keeping a thorough diary. Instead she was off on a Caribbean
cruise with his sister after his return to Scotland.

John:

A personnel manager in his late 30s from Liverpool, and proud of it. He and I
both went to the Himalayas for the first time, with Andy, back in 1988. He’s
returned just about every year since then. This in fact was his third attempt
at Mera – the two previous attempts had been beaten by delayed flights and bad
weather.

Kevin:

Active retired accountant, who had re-discovered the joys of walking in
Scotland with North West Frontiers. After that it seemed a natural progression
to him to join us on a trek to Mera.

Rosemary:

Another Himalayan first timer who was spending an extended vacation on the
Indian sub-continent. She’d been on a month’s meditation course in one of the
monasteries in Kathmandu before setting out on this trek, and was going on to
India afterwards. Given to practicing Yogic Assanas in the morning long before
anyone but the kitchen staff were awake.

An Kami:

The “Sirdar” or trek boss. Responsible for all the local arrangements eg. food
purchasing, employment of other staff, and generally ensuring the trek ran
smoothly. Young by traditional standards to be a Sirdar, but extremely
competent. Also a demon card player: we came to the realisation that he
didn’t “pay” the porters, but just “lent” them money so he could win back over
cards. An exaggeration, but a grain of truth in it!

Lapka and Nander:

The climbing Sherpas. Vastly experienced with major climbs on the South face
of Everest, Annurpana etc to their credit. In character as different as chalk
and cheese. Nander the extrovert whose motto is “No problem!”. Lakpa the
introvert, but, with an air of calm professionalism which inspired great
confidence.

Sanjay:

The Cook. Had the ability to produce wonderful meals in the most difficult
conditions. (The food was so good that Andy’s store of “goodies”, intended to
make up for any deficiencies in the cooking remained untouched until late in
the trek. We only opened it then because Andy insisted it be eaten!) Revealed
that he had already ascended Mera 4 times, but wouldn’t join us this time on
top – he felt he’d seen the view enough times.

Passang and Dawa:

The Sherpas – a grade lower in status than the Climbing Sherpas. Responsible
for guiding (ie. making sure none of us got lost) and acted as mountain porters
– ie. carried the tents up to our high camp on Mera. Both were cheerful and
resourceful.

Kitchen staff and porters:

A variable number accompanied us to carry the equipment and food. As the food
was eaten the porters were paid off. Got to know a few names, particularly
those who carried our kitbags. Mainly Sherpas but some Rai (another Nepalese
tribe). The most memorable character was Lapka Kitchen Boy (so called to
distinguish him from Lapka Sherpa) who was never without a broad grin and a
joke. Obviously going to be a cook before long.

Note – Sherpa. A confusing term! It is the name of an ethnic group who live
in the Khumbu region of Nepal. However, it also a “job description”
meaning a Guide in a party as opposed to the porters or kitchen staff.
Fortunately its generally clear from the context which is meant.

A TYPICAL DAY

(The timings are very approximate. Although I wore a watch I took very little
notice of it.)

06:30

Woken in our tents by the Kitchen Boys with the traditional cry of “Morning!
Tea? Milik? Sugcar?” Tea served to us in our sleeping bags. Bowls of hot
water for washing brough round.

07:00

Breakfast is eaten either in the mess tent or outside, depending upon the state
of the weather and how urgently the staff need to get the tent down. Porridge,
eggs (scrambled, fried or boiled) fresh chapatis with jam, and tea or coffee
was the standard menu.

Pack personal gear not required during the day into kit bags to be carried by
the porters.

08:30

Start walking. Except on the ascent to the high camp on Mera we only carried
light day packs containing stuff we’d need during the day – eg. camera and film,
rainwear, a spare fleece, and as we got higher, a down jacket to pull on when
not actually walking.

Except for the three days on the snow and ice of Mera itself we were walking on
rough, but generally well worn, paths. Lightweight walking boots were more
than adequate – except when it snowed on the last day!

A morning’s walking typically covers no more than 4 to 5 miles – though there
may be 3,000 feet, or more, of ascent or descent. There are two reasons for
this apparent slow pace: the altitude and the necessity not to become
separated from the porters. The altitude slows one down because, obviously,
with less air it becomes more tiring to walk at a fast pace, but also because
you need to take it easily to allow your body to adjust. By far the most
frequent cause of altitude sickness is climbing too quickly. Although
accustomed to the altitude the porters are slowed by heavy loads (can be as
high as 60 pounds) and poor footwear. (Some of the porters carrying rice,
maize etc for local merchants are paid so much per pound weight of load, and
can carry 120 pounds or more).

Except on very steep sections, or on ice the party can spread out as individual
paces and desire for solitude, conversation or photo opportunities dictate.
The only rules are “don’t get in front of the designated lead Sherpa, or behind
the sweep Sherpa” and “if you need to relieve yourself, leave your pack on the
trail then go off trail. Bury or, better, burn any toilet paper used – what do
you mean you forgot to put any in your day pack!” Leaving your pack indicates
where you are so nobody else will try to use the same area and ensures that the
sweep Sherpa won’t go on without you.

Temperatures started off in the 60s or 70s lower down during the day, and fell
as we got higher. On the morning of our ascent it was approximately -20
degrees.

11:30

Lunch. An extended break which allows the Kitchen staff and Cook time to cook
the lunch. Hot juice was always served (drink as much as possible is another
help for altitude acclimatisation. However, all water was boiled and/or
treated before we drank it!) Western style lunch was generally a selection of
easily cooked dishes from dried or fresh ingredients – eg. rice, pasta with
salami (popularly known as Donkey Dick). Alternatively we could ask for what
the crew are themselves “Dhal Bhat” – lentil curry and rice: ideal food for
climbing in cold conditions on as it is an extremely rich in complex
carbohydrates. Tastes pretty good too.

The lunch break is generally taken by a stream or river which gives you a
chance to wash socks or underwear. If not dry by the time lunch is over just
pin them to your pack. In the thin dry air clothes dry very quickly.

13:30

Start walking again.

16:30

Arrive at camp site, possibly to find tents already erected by the staff. In
any event they soon will be. Afternoon tea is taken (this is a British
expedition!) with biscuits too. (More fluid and more carbohydrates).

Chance to unwind, read, inspect feet for blisters etc. etc.

18:00

Supper. Similar to lunch, but starts with soup, and there is generally a
pudding – normally canned fruit. But when there is enough dead wood for a fire
the Cook may display his skill by baking a cake. Eaten inside the tent as it
is cold and dark by now. After 10,000 feet certainly glad of down jacket –
noticeable that old hands have no silly “loss of machismo” inhibitions about
wearing then.

Tea, hot chocolate and coffee to end the meal, and personal water bottles are
filled with hot water, thus enabling them to act as hot water bottles in the
evening as well as your on trek drinking supply during the day.

The remainder of the evening is spent in the mess tent round the Tilley lamp
chatting, playing cards, and drinking Malt Whiskey (for medicinal purposes).

21:30

Inside a thick, Down, sleeping bag, inside a small two-man tent. Except at
very low altitudes it froze every night, and generally there was hoar frost on
the inside of the tents when we awoke in the morning. It is extremely
important that your bag is good enough – cold nights lead to bad sleep and
exhaustion as the body work overtime to generate enough heat.

Also important to remember to take a final pee before getting into the bag.
Getting up in the middle of the night is VERY cold, particularly if you’ve
allowed your kit to become disorganised so you can’t find your head torch.

DIARY

Day 1:

London Gatwick to Kathmandu. Panic as I forgot to get off the train at Gatwick
and had to get off further down the line and get a Taxi back! Fortunately I’d
allowed plenty of time for mishaps. Remind myself that trips which start off
this badly generally work out well.

Met John, Kevin and Ian at the airport who had arrived in a less frenetic way!
The Nepalese airplane was in for an extended service so we actually flew in an
Irish lease plane. Captain Murphy (I kid you not) did NOT inspire great
confidence with his announcements – “Prepare for Take-Off” on approaching
Frankfurt, and later “we will be cruising at 53,000 feet”. The latter sounded
ambitious, and was was corrected to “33,000 feet”. Didn’t ask what had
happened to the Royal Nepalese aircraft – after the PIA accident at Kathmandu I
didn’t want to know!

Day 2:

Arrival Kathmandu. Andy (leader) at airport. Wondeful chaos, diversity and
friendliness. Downside – poverty and pollution. Met the other client,
Rosemary, at the hotel.

Day 3:

AM Sightseeing tour of the temples etc. PM Visit to equipment hire shop. Met
with Sirdar, An Kami. Frantic writing of postcards, and last minute sort and
repack of kit.

Day 4:

Early morning start. Squeezed into a up-market tourist bus, a large Mercedes
minibus. Porters, Sherpas etc at back – clients at front. Luggage everywhere.
Long drive. Flatish to start with, passing through very forgetable townships.
Lunch at Lamosangu with a spectacular “box grid” bridge over a river. After
that the road deteriorated – steeper,more bends, better views and a gearbox
slowly giving up. Made it to Jiri.

Jiri is a hole! At end of road – and making the most of the trekking trade.
Main advantage only 6000 feet vs. 10.000 feet start at Lukla if we’d flown in.
Slept in rough tea house.

Day 5:

Happy chaos in the morning as the porters were assigned their loads for the
first time. So fairly late setting out. At this altitude we’re strolling
along in shorts and tee-shirts, with low factor sun cream on arms, legs and
faces.

Easy walk through Pine Forests to lunch at Shivalaya (5,800 feet) – this
downhill can’t last. It didn’t. A climb to Sangbadanda (7,350 feet) where we
camped. A fair sized village – very busy with trekkers. Large tea
house/lodging house with plentiful supply of beer. Heard that a solo trekker
had had her camcorder stolen from her tent – would have been unheard of in
Nepal 10 years ago. An Kami had the Sherpas taking turns mounting guard duty
over night. In the dark I attempted to pick Dawa up thinking he was my
rucksack! No, he was just sitting there guarding it (plus the rest of our
kit). The other Sherpas found the idea of Dawa being taken for a rucksack
hilarious! I felt extremely foolish and resolved to carry my head torch in the
early evening so I’d be ready for the sudden onset of dark.

Also met a Scandinavian couple there on their way back from Mera. They told us
that it had been very cold on Mera – the woman had suspected frost nip on one
toe. Is this trip a good idea? However, they had succesfully summitted. They
described the views as “fantastic” but the trail to the summit as “very busy”.

Health good so far – have I escaped the Kathmandu Quickstep?

Day 6:

No I haven’t – feeling off colour and stomach “unhappy”. By end of day a
definite low grade fever and slight case of runs. Damn! For next three days
Andy keeps me entertained by reading extracts from his 1988 diary describing my
battle with The Kathmandu Quickstep that time!

John, who shared a tent with me throughout the trip, has a Walkman/Radio and
picked up the early morning English language news from Radio Nepal. Learnt
that Clinton had won the Presidential election last night – unsuccessful search
for the American woman we’d met last night who was asking about the result. We
may be in a wilderness area, but the Western world is still there.

Already An Kami’s quality is showing and the assigning of porter loads went
pretty smoothly.

Continued climb towards our first pass (Bhandar Pass – 8,900 feet). Majority
of party ascended above the pass to a Gompa (Monasetry) and Cheese Factory
(sic) which served wonderful yogurt. I was taking things easy, and conserving
my energy to fight off whatever infection I’d picked up, so waited for the
others at the pass. I continued to be told about the “best yogurt we ever
tasted” for the rest of the trek. Decided I could go off fellow trekkers, as
well as off the leader.

Descended to Bhandar/Chyangma (7,200 feet). Stupas, grass fields, and general
feeling of really being on trek.

Well, if I’m going to be ill I might as well be ill somewhere where there are
wonderful views! A new experience for me too – the low foothills of the
Himalayas, green and rolling, for miles and miles. Extend as far as the eye
can see. No real sightings of the major peaks, except on the drive in, yet.

Day 7:

A steep descent to an early rest stop near Surma Kola. One of those perfect
resting places by a stream: plants all around us, a clear, blue sky and fast
flowing clear water. The less poetic amongst us seized the opportunity to wash
socks! I amused myself by taking candid shots of the sock washers.

An easy walk along the Likhu Kola river for a couple of miles followed. Bright
sunshine, and far enough off the main paths for there to be no litter, except
in the immediate vicinity of tea houses. Then came the exciting bit – crossing
the river. From the map this seemed easy – a bridge. The more experienced
reserved judgement until we’d seen the bridge – some bridges here would give
Indiana Jones cause to hesitate! Well, it looked OK – wire hawser and plank
construction. Unfortunately it was under repair – most of the planks at the
far side had been removed. We stepped gingerly across, hanging onto the
handrails and checking that our feet were on solid planks. 50 feet below us
lay a swift flowing river about 100 feet across. As an additional complication
we had to squeeze by the workmen who were busy attaching new planks.

Lunch at Kenja (5,360 feet) – a very prosperous village. Making paper for
re-sale to Kathmandu. Very fine, almost tissue paper like. Used for
traditional religious paintings, now for sale to tourists.

A long steep climb to Sete (8,450 feet). 3.000 feet and 2 miles may not sound
much, but when you’re feeling like a slightly warmed up version of death its a
real struggle. Sete is a small settlement with tea houses and a school. We
camped in school house grounds. Most of the villages have a school now, some
funded by a charitable foundation established by Sir Edmund Hillary. This
evening the first, of many, school masters came to solicit a donation.

Meanwhile, I had retreated to tent immediately upon arrival to rest as much as
possible, while drinking as much as possible (water, honest!) to keep myself
hydrated. Disturbed by loud squawkings and much laughter. On putting my head
out of the tent learnt that tonight’s supper (a chicken) had escaped capture,
and one of her less fleet footed sisters had been captured and was about to be
curried in her place.

Day 8:

Awoke feeling much better. Decided that fellow trekkers and leader were really
wonderful people – even if they do go on about yogurt and 1988 respectively!

Ridge walk, though gently climbing through fir forest to lunch at Goyun (10,500
feet). An Kami now has trek under full control and spent most of the break
playing a board game which seemed to be a cross between pool, draughts and
tiddly-winks. Never did manage to understand the rules!

A steep, but short, climb to the Lamjura Pass (11,580 feet). The pass itself
was pretty barren and stoney. Also very grey, windy and cloudy so little view.
After the obligatory atmospheric shots of prayer flags against the sky, we
rapidly descended back into the forest where it was rather warmer. Amazing how
rapidly the vegetation, and temperature, changes with a small change in height.

Continued descent to Tragdobuk (9,380 feet) where there was a very pleasant tea
house. (Question: why can’t we have nice tea houses in the British Hills?
Mind you, I’d probably be the first to moan about ‘desecration’ if we did).
Couple of unusual sights: a wind assisted prayer wheel – I’ve seen water
powered prayer wheels before, but never wind powered. Also, the Buddhist
prayer – “Om Mani Padme Hum”, “hail to the jewel of the lotus flower” was
painted in bright primary colours on rocks by the trail. I’ve seen it carved,
and also occasionally painted in white, but never in colour. Maybe they filmed
one of the Konica film ads here?

Slight rise to collar of hill which gave a good view down to our campsite at
the village of Junbesi (8,775 feet). Junbesi is an attractive village at the
head of a valley, with an old and beautiful Gompa. After dropping our kit at
the campsite Rosemary and I went to visit the Gompa: the standout feature was
a wonderfully serene statue of the Buddha. Since Rosemary is a practicing
Buddhist and observed the correct rituals (plus we both contributed to the
collection box) the old man who had opened the Gompa for us took us upstairs to
the library. Amazing wood carvings showing visions of both Nirvana (the state
of enlightenment) and Demons. Also a large collection of old religious
scrolls.

Lost any merit points towards my next rebirth which I may have gained from this
visit, by seeking out the tea house and sharing a couple of beers with Ian,
John, Kevin and Andy. My first since day 5 – very welcome too.

Day 9:

Despite its comparatively low altitude Junbesi is something of a frost trap.
Definite, but slight hoar frost on the inside of the tent when we awoke in the
morning.

An easy climb through forest to the Sallung ridge (10,000 feet). Shortly
before the high point, at Sallung (9,750 feet), we took an extended morning
break. So far we’d had few views of the high peaks. As we came round the
corner approaching Sallung we found (yet another) tea house and a magnificent
view: with clear skies we saw a panorama of peaks, partially shrouded in
clouds, dominating the skyline in front of us. From left to right (after a
good deal of map reading, argument in three languages (English, Nepalese and
Sherpa) and several cups of tea we positively identified: Mount Everest
(29,032 feet), Kamtenga (22,241 feet), Tramserku (21,680 feet), the triple
summits of Kusum Kangguru (highest 20,900 feet), Mera (21,600 feet) and Nau
Lekh (20,876 feet).

Kevin announced “Now I can die”, this caused some alarm until we discovered
that he meant “now I’ve achieved my ambition and seen Everest”.

Descended to Ringmo Khola (8,525 feet) -crowded picnic site – climbed through
the Sherpa village of Ringmo, with visit to cheese factory and yogurt (“still
not as good as we had a few days ago, Chris”) to the Traksindo Pass (10,125
feet). Descended 500 feet to Traksindo monastery where we camped. (Very grey
and cloudy).

Day 10:

Trail descends through forests to the Sherpa village of Manidingma (7,200
feet). Continued, steep, descent right down to the Dudh Kosi – Milk River –
(4,900 feet). Lunch at suspension bridge. Steepish climb through the terraces
of the Rai village of Jubing, including a small tea field, then “contoured”
(official description – reality lots of minor ups and downs?) to Kharikola
(6,800 feet) where we camped. Senior school with volleyball court. Still very
cloudy.

Day 11:

Awoke to clear sky. Short but steep ascent through fields, past Nandar’s home
to Pangkoma (an unspoilt village). Morning only trek. Lay about in the sun
reading etc. Across the valley was another Gompa – here monks were erecting a
new prayer flag pole – with much banging of gongs, cymbals and drums.

Day 12:

Short climb to monastery. Surprised to be met by just one Monk in his early
20s who lived there alone. (The monks we saw yesterday had travelled up
especially for the ceremony.) In his traditional robes (yellow shirt under
purple wrap around) and less traditional Nike trainers he showed us the prayer
room. Monastery still under repair from earthquake damage of 2(?) years ago.
He then guided us through the forest – bamboo and rhododendron – to rejoin the
main path. An easy climb took us to the pass – Pankoma La (10,400 feet).

Cloud had returned overnight and was obscuring our views of the South face of
Mera. An early stop for lunch (10:30) at Shibuje. The shop here was the last
one before entering the Hinku valley where there are really no shops: the laws
of supply and demand operate in Nepal too, so the prices, by local standards
were extortionate.

Marvellous, misty views down the Hinku but photos just didn’t come out – needed
a tripod and LONG exposures. View across to tomorrow’s climb and subsequent
ridge walk. Descended, very steeply indeed, to a small bridge (traditional
materials) across the Hinku Khola. The climb was advertised as “tough” to Gai
Kharka. In fact, to make it even tougher, we climbed right up to next village
(better camping). The poorest areas we visited – flimsy, bamboo huts in place
of the stone buildings elsewhere.

Day 13:

As a compensation for yesterday’s climb we had a lie-in – bed tea at 7:00.
Luxury! Gentle morning only climb to a wonderful woodland campsite amidst fir
and rhododendrons (10,900 feet). Afternoon spent lying around with books and
walkmans.

Day 14:

Lie in again. Itinerary specifies “A day for rest and acclimatization”.
Practice walk up the early stages of tomorrow’s route to about 13,000 feet.
Andy’s policy of starting low and taking the long route in, rather than flying
to Lukla (10,000 feet) and “sprinting” up to Mera in about a week certainly
seems to be working. Here we are reaching 13,000 feet and I’m hardly aware of
the thinner air. However, the air is getting colder, as well as thinner:
fleeces definitely being worn now – even when walking.

Afternoon spent fitting crampons to Plastic Boots. Much easier to work out,
and to re-adjust fitting of crampons, when your fingers aren’t frozen. High on
entertainment value too.

Another party walked by during afternoon. Didn’t meet them as our campsite is
a little way off the path.

Day 15:

Early start – with bed tea at 5:00. Groan! Shortly after emerging from forest
we found the other party – also heading for Mera. Felt very morally superior
chatting with them: they were still in their sleeping bags inside the tents
having their morning tea. Any American readers bemused by the English class
system and British humour should skip the rest of this paragraph! The party
was “upper class English” two women and two men. The two men, since we hadn’t
been formally introduced ignored us. The two women were much friendlier with
“Sloane Ranger” accents (rather like Princess Di). Promptly nicknamed Fiona
and Caroline (typical Sloane names) by us for the rest of the trek.

Steady walk towards a pass, with a steep climb to the pass itself pass at
14,800 feet. Great viewpoint (allegedly), but the cloud was down so we
couldn’t judge for ourselves. Camped near sacred lakes at Chambu Kharka
(13,776 feet). There are five lakes, and five is associated with Lord Shiva in
Hindu mythology. Apparently at certain times of the year these lakes become a
place of pilgrimage for Hindus from both Nepal and India. Spotted several
cairns supporting small, rusting iron tridents: the trident is Shiva’s symbol.

The camp itself is in a magnificent natural amphitheatre, with high rocky faces
spanning 270 degrees. A sudden and heavy fall for snow for about an hour,
fortunately after we’d got the tents up. The transformation of the scenery
after such a brief snowfall was quite remarkable.

Day 16:

We ascended briefly, but steeply, out of the campsite. The trail goes in and
out of a number of side valleys before descending (extremely steeply) to the
Hinku River. Happily, the snow had melted away, if it ever settled, on the
steepest part of the descents. I ended up on my butt three times during the
descent – fortunately no damage to myself or sunglasses etc. When not falling
over we could enjoy views up a side valley to Nauleke (20,876 feet). Was it
really just 7 days ago that this was a distant peak for us? Crossed the
stream/river from the side valley by an extremely rickety bridge (all local
materials, including the rope – no wire hawsers this time!) to our lunch spot.
I took the chance to take a brief, but thorough bath, in the river. VERY cold
indeed, hardly surprising, since its source is a glacier. Bath was even more
thorough than I intended since I fell over, again! Well at least today isn’t
an ascent/descent of an ice field.

After lunch a delightful walk: first a bamboo forest, with views down the
Hinku Valley. Then a magical rhododendron forest, Arrived at our campsite by
the Hinku Khola, a little below Mosam Kharka (12,106 feet). A bent tree across
the water, Kitchen boy Lakpa (who else) was the first to cross this. For me
this changing of scenery from epic mountains to calm valleys etc is one of the
most attractive features of trekking in the Himalayas

My diary records that the evening was “cheerful”. Mainly because we had
decided that from here on we’d better abstain, or at least, greatly reduce the
intake of whiskey. (Alcohol and high altitudes just don’t mix.) So tonight
was an opportunity to drink up several days allowance at one go. A loud debate
resulted – on the ethics of trekking in Nepal, I think. The Sherpas, hearing
the noise, were convinced that a fist fight was about to break out! So Lakpa
Kitchen Boy, was sent over to the mess tent to act as peacemaker: fortunately
his services as peacemaker were not required.

Raw garlic eating also started coming into vogue – a traditional Sherpa
preventative against altitude sickness and there is some scientific evidence
that it helps thin the blood. Certainly we had no problems with Vampires on
this trek.

Diary also records “a cold night”. This meant *&(*&( freezing!

Day 17:

Path followed West bank of the Hinku Drangka northwards, gradually climbing via
the kharkas of Godishung, Dupishung and Lungsamba. These are all no more than
a few buildings which are only used during the monsoon season when the valley
provides good grazing for the animals driven up from the South.

Two hours up the river to Gondishang (12,860 feet), a kharka with some stone
shelters and mani walls. Trail crossed moraines and boulder fields (yuck!).
Climbed to Dukphu, a tiny Gompa said to be several hundred years old. We were
told that recently it had been inhabited by an Australian Monk for about 5
years.

The walking was easy with good mountain views. The views were constantly
changing as the path curved around bringing the view up different side valleys
into prominence. Beyond Lungsamba the valley narrowed between the flanks of
Kusum Kanguru (20,896 feet) to the West and the truncated far western peak of
Mera (20,522 feet) to the east. It really is true that the Himalayas start
where other mountain ranges finish. Here we were at about 14,000 feet with
6,000 foot peaks above us, and those are some of the smaller peaks! By now we
were liberally plastering on the Sun Screens to block out the intense UV you
experience at altitude. Between these two peaks lies Tagnag, a settlement of
about 12 houses, and 2 tea houses (!) at 14,300 feet inhabited in the summer
and trekking seasons by people from Lukla. Met Young Andy and Passang – plus
supply of cabbages.

The campsite, in a field by one of the tea houses, was dominated by Mera’s
western peak: a 5,500 feet rock face cut by diagonal snow bands and draped with
fingers of ice – some trekking peak! This face was first climbed by two
Japanese climbers in the spring of 1985. There were also stunning views of
Peak 43 – Char Pati Himal (22,208 feet).

We arrived in the early afternoon and were the only party there. During the
afternoon I, Young Andy, Ian and John scrambled up the huge moraine to the
North to a beautiful glacial lake, the Sabai Tsho, into which plummets the
hanging Sabai Glacier.

However, despite the wonderful surroundings Tagnag itself is a pretty dreary
place, and a cold campsite. Definitely glad of my down jacket and sleeping
bag.

Day 18:

Another acclimatisation day. The standard route is to walk straight up to
Khare (16,729 feet) but Andy, wisely I think, prefers to have people climb
above 16,000 feet in the morning, and then move to a campsite at Dig Kharka
(15,000 feet).

So in the morning we climbed 2,000 feet up the hill behind Tagnag (16,300 feet
but no name!) to gain even more impressive views of Mera’s West face and of
Peak 43. Young Andy, John, Ian and I “stormed up like trains”, Andy’s
description – not mine, so it looks encouraging for Mera itself. Kevin and
Rosemary moved at a more “mature” pace (careful choice of words) but still
going well. Discovered that Ian was planning to try for an altitude record for
playing the penny whistle on Mera, so he had a practice session at our highest
point. I’ve brought a TI baseball hat with me for my summit portrait: maybe I
can persuade ASIC or FPGA to pay me for the photo and use it in an advertising
campaign? “TI on top of the world” or “TI scales the heights others cannot
reach?” perhaps? Reluctantly decide that I’m probably suffering from delusions
of grandeur as a result of altitude. John has got something in his pack for
his summit portrait, but won’t reveal what it is.

Returned to Tangnag for lunch. Considerably more crowded as three groups
(“Fiona and Caroline”, an Australian group, and a party led by a cheerful
Dutchman have arrived during the morning.

An easy afternoon strolling up to Dig Kharka (15,000 feet). Once again the
setting of the campsite was spectacular and was dominated by the abruptlky
terminated crest of the Charpati Himal that forms Peak 43. Although higher the
campsite was considerably warmer and more pleasant than Tangnag. By a stream
with a good cave amongst the boulders for the staff – warmer than the mess
tent, as they could build a fire in the cave.

Day 19:

Late tea, breakfast and washing session.

From Dig Kharka the path meandered through the moraines and across streams at
the snout of the Hinku Nup and Shar Glaciers and then climbed more steeply to
Khare (15,800 feet). Khare is a dirty place! Soil more or less frozen all
year round, so lack of bacteria and insects to break down the evidence of human
habitation. Only recommendation is that its the last place flat enough to
pitch tents on before you reach the snow and ice of the glacier.

Day 20:

Ascent of Mera La. (Next time Nander tells me it takes 20 minutes to walk
somewhere I’ll remember he means 90 minutes – maybe its just the difference
between Sherpa and Sahib pace. Part of the growing evidence of the truth of
the rumour that Sherpas have three lungs.) Anyway, as a result of his estimate
I left my light boots in the camp and spent an extremely uncomfortable 90
minutes walking over scree in plastic double boots to the foot of the glacier.

General pause for boot changing (for the wiser members of the party) and
crampon pulling on. During the break, as well as cursing Nander, I assembled a
small collection of stones and photoed them on the glacier: the stones are
presents for friends and family – the photo is to try and convince the sceptics
that I didn’t just pick them up from the gravel parking area behind my house in
Bedford!

However, once actually on the glacier, very glad of the boots. Spent 30
minutes or so taking dramatic (ie. “pose”y photos of one another ascending the
glacier) and being given lessons on crampon technique. One’s first time on a
steep ice slope in crampons is always odd. To gain maximum grip one has to
roll the ankle “out” so that the sole of the foot is parallel to the slope:
this means that the crampon points are perpendicular to the ice, and are
therefore all gripping the ice. All very logical. BUT since its the reverse
of how you slimb in snow or loose stones in ordinary boots – when you try to
work the upslope edge of the boot into the slope – it feels unnatural. I was
one of the fortunate ones who had already learnt the technique. (Back in April
92 I went on a Rainier Mountaineering Inc (RMI) snow and ice course on Rainier:
highly recommended as a chance to try gear out and learn snow and ice
techniques before going on a big trek.)

My turn to be smug at lunchtime – sitting on the glacier. I had a thermarest
bum/bun pad, others had to sit on their rucksacks – colder and less
comfortable.

Climb to the La. Proved to be highest point Kevin and Rosemary were to reach.
However the La is a magnificent place it itself, and a helluva’n achievement to
reach.

Return to Khare and many mugs of tea. Altitude is very dehydrating. Dutch
leader came over to see if Andy had a particular drug in his first aid kit:
one of his party had symptoms of tapeworm infestation. Great! Just what you
want to hear about while drinking tea and eating biscuits! More seriously did
ram home the importance of hygene.

Day 21:

Unfortunately after overnight consideration Rosemary and Kevin both decided not
to attempt the summit. However, for the rest of us it proved to be another
clear day with little wind. Certainly more than made up for all the cloudy
weather lower down. The plan was for Ian, John, both Andys, myself, An Kami,
Nander and Lapka to camp high. Dawa and Passang were to act as mountain
porters helping to carry the tents, cooking gear etc to the high camp, but
returning to Khare for the night.

We retraced yesterdays steps, except that we climbed much higher on a rocky
shoulder before going onto the glacier. (Discovered that yesterday’s long
glacier session was unnecessary, but we’d been taken on it to practice crampon
technique.) Progress was slower as this time we were carrying proper packs
containing sleeping bags and all the clothing we needed. Pausing briefly on
the La we climbed higher to establish the camp at about 19,500 feet at about
two o’clock. We had three tents: Ian, John, and myself in one, The two Andys
in the second, and the Sherpas in a third. At this altitude, and for the
relatively rich Climbing Sherpas, all distinctions of kit disappeared – the
tents were similar, the Sherpas’ actually had more features, and all three had
plastic double boots, down jackets etc.

The campsite was well used, though a little cleaner than Khare, and we met a
single Japanese trekker there. He was a day ahead of us, so had summitted
while we were climbing up from Khare and we met him on his way down.

The view from the campsite was unforgettable and, because we were camping
there, we also had the privilege of watching the peaks with the evening sun
upon them. Sweeping round from the East were Kanchenjunga, Chamlang, Makalu
and Baruntse. To the North Everest peered over the massive South Face of
Lhotse and the Nuptse/Lhotse wall. Continuing Westward the peaks of Ama Dablam
(the most beautiful mountain I’ve yet seen), Cho Oyu and Kangtega. All around
are untracked glaciers. Behind us was an uninterrupted curve of ice and snow
leading to the three main peaks of Mera.

Once we’d helped pitch the tent we disappeared inside to keep warm – emerging
briefly at four o’clock for the evening light views and photo opportunity.
With the temperature falling rapidly, back into the tents. Andy had warned us
that we’d lose our appetite at this altitude, but that we must keep taking as
much liquid as we could and to push down as much sweet stuff as we could bear.
Supper was noodle soup, and, just in case we hadn’t lost our appetites, some
Kerosene had found its way into the soup instead of the stove!

A hilarious game of cards followed, with everybody crammed into one tent:
local rules required that one shout out the card played for the benefit of
those who couldn’t see it. I don’t recall when we actually got into the
sleeping bags but it was early!

I actually got a much better night’s sleep than I anticipated. I had a slight
headache initially, but swilling down a liter of water fixed that problem. I
had decided that I’d try sleeping with just my heavy weight thermals, socks and
balaclava on so I would have enough clothes to put on in the morning to
minimise the temperature shock. In fact I was wonderfully warm all night. So
were my boots, both inner and outer, and water bottles which shared the bag
with me. Left outside the inner boots would have been stiff as a board, The
outer boots, themselves, would have been OK but frozen laces are never easy to
tighten and tie.

Day 22:

Officially awoken at 5 am. – an hour later than planned – with a mug of coffee.
The Sherpas weren’t any keener than we were to get out of their sleeping bags,
hence, I suspect the delay in waking us. The Andys estimated the temperature
as -22 degrees Farhenheit ie. 54 degrees of frost. The coffee was almost
unbearably sweet, but at least it didn’t have any Kerosene in it!

We all emerged from the tents wearing every item of clothing, well at least I
did. This meat heavy thermals, fleece salopettes, two fleece tops, down
jacket, balaclava gaiters and an outer layer of Goretex cagoule and salopettes.
This actually proved to be too much and after 20 minutes I removed the cagoule
and unzipped the down. Very light packs indeed!

We started out in semi-darkness with sunrise coming shortly. I felt a strong
sense of unreality – walking this high, on snow, amongst “real” mountains was
something I had read about, had watched on TV, and fantasised about as a child.
I never thought I’d really experience this. I’m not ashamed to say that a few
tears came to my eyes – even if they, the tears that is, did freeze up!

Besides the cold the biggest problem was the altitude. I consulted some
textbooks when I returned home and discovered that at 20,000 feet the air is,
on average, half the density at sea level. That means, obviously, you only get
half the Oxygen you’re used to – actually its a bit better than that, because
the body tries to compensate by generating extra red blood corpuscles to
increase the amount of Oxygen you can absorb from each breath. Progress is,
inevitably, slow. Panting with so little air is very unrewarding and your pace
naturally slows right down in an attempt to avoid getting into any oxygen debt
at all. Unfortunately on steep slopes you can’t slow down enough. Initially
we would walk for just a few minutes, stop for a quick pant, and repeat for ten
minutes or so before stopping for a longer break. During these longer breaks
Nander would light up a cigarette! I found that unless I exhaled hard, to
force myself to breathe deeply I had a nasty “winded” feeling in the diaphragm.

The trail was well walked, and wove carefully around the open crevasses We
still had to cross unopened crevasses – very odd feeling to step across a 2
inch gap in the snow knowing that below could be a 50 foot, or more, drop!
Such crevasses, and cornice edges were marked with flags on yard long sticks of
bamboo.

Romantic notions of blazing a fresh trail disappear rapidly. First because you
don’t want to discover a crevasse, and secondly because off the path you sink
up to your thigh in the softer snow. We started in boots only, but, as the
slope steepened towards 45 degrees we put crampons on. Crampons grip the snow
and ice better, but on shallower slopes slow you down. However, the snow was
so firm, under the soft covering off the trail, that the Sherpas and leaders
decided we didn’t need to rope up. We had the full kit of harnesses, rope and
ice axes available and extra “hardware” was shared between the Sherpas and
leaders in case of real problems.

It was a long, slow, and very hard pull to the summit which we reached at about
11:00 – about 5 hours to climb 3,000 feet. Much backslapping, handshakes and
hugs (“I say chaps, what happened to the traditions of British reserve”). The
main summit was protected by a 15 foot wide crevasse, so the official trekking
summit for 1992 was a little lower. The heights quoted by the government
regulations, the different maps and the various guidebooks all differ. We’re
sticking to our claim of 6,600 m or 21,600 feet!

I then found that during the ascent I’d hit my camera lens against something so
it was skew-whiff and stuck. At least the focus was at infinity! I took
panoramic shots in the desperate hope that the camera was still in focus. In
fact the photos are pretty good.

The panoramic views were, naturally, even more stunning than the views from the
campsite. Clear views of FOUR of the world’s FIVE highest mountains – Everest,
Kanchenjunga, Lhotse and Makalu. Plus a good view all the way down the Hinku
valley that we’d walked up for so long.

We only stayed on top for 20 minutes or so. Ian played his penny whistle
(briefly!) and planted the St Andrew’s Cross. I posed for John to take my
picture wearing TI hat with Everest in background, and John produced his summit
surprise ……. a Father Christmas beard! (His brother in law is a clergyman
and wanted a picture of Father Christmas on a snowy mountain for Children’s
parties.)

A rapid descent to the campsite followed. Crampons all the way, I kept my
descent controlled, though rapid, by constantly reminding myself that more
accidents happen on descents than ascents, due to over relaxing and loss of
concentration. John and I sped down in 70 minutes to the camp. An Kami had
remained there and greeted us with hot juice and hot canned fruit. Wonderful!

Once we had all helped pack the tents and kits we descended, somewhat more
slowly, over the La to the glacier and onto the moraine shoulder. Here met by
Passang with our regular boots. I felt like I was walking on air with the
sudden change in weight of boot. The wonderful man even carried the plastic
boots down for us. A long descent to Dig Kharka and a warm welcome from Kevin,
Rosemary and the staff. Arrived at about half past four – after a descent of
over 6,000 feet. All in all a very long and very exhausting day! The extra
descent was worth it to reach a warm, comparatively, campsite. However, the
descent and exertion brought my headache back with a vengeance. Eventually
cured after pouring down water until I felt like a water filled balloon!
Certainly no Whiskey celebrations, though. To bed early, both tired and happy.

Day 23:

After the high drama of the last three days an uneventful day. A late start
(which allowed us to wash both ourselves and our kit). Both were pretty
smelly, but as we were all as bad as each other, nobody had cared on the
mountain.) I celebrated return to lower (sic) altitudes by wearing shorts
again. Rose above the resulting general derision.

Looking up to the La we could see snow being blown up by the wind. We had been
so lucky to hit a good window in the weather yesterday!

Then retraced our route to Tangnang. After lunch we stayed on the West bank of
the river and reached a new campsite at Tashing Dingma (11,489 feet) – below
the tree line. Met a French party there whom we practiced our (bad) French on.
A full scale party that evening.

Day 24:

Despite the hangovers we managed a day of consistent ascent to Thuli Kharka
(14,760 feet) above the tree line once more. Another remarkable campsite!
Above us, overlooking the pass we were to climb the next day, an amazing
mushroom shaped stack of rock. Below us a layer of cloud, extending as far as
we could see, trapped at about 12,000 feet. Apparently due to temperature
inversion. Very beautiful, with mountains peaks like islands in a sea of
cloud. More prosaically, it might mean a complete change in the weather.

Day 25:

It did! Very, heavy grey clouds above us when we woke in the morning. A heavy
fall of snow seemed imminent. Staff and clients alike gobbled breakfast,
packed kit in record time and sprinted for the Zatrwala pass (14,950 feet), to
try and beat the snow there. Almost made it!

However, the descent was a nightmare! With thick snow falling we had to rig a
rope to descend the first steep slope from the top of the pass. I managed some
good photos os some very professional looking descents – especially by Rosemary
who had never used a rope in her life before! After that it was a slow grind
down a steep and very slippery slope. I spent more time sitting down that
standing. (I MUST get some boots with better grip for these situations –
however new boots were hard to find that day). We clients all made it down
safely, but Lapka Kitchen Boy took a tumble – he was OK but overenthusiasm will
be the death of him!

The original plan was to camp in a woodland clearing at Chutanga Kharka (11,300
feet). Sopping wet and cold we paused for lunch instead, and then, by
unanimous consent, stormed onto Lukla. Lukla used to be a village of little
importance. Now it is a major trekking point because it has an airstrip which
enables people to save a day on the traditional walk in to Everest. It also
has many lodging houses with luxuries like stoves!

Day 26:

At rest in Lukla. Weather changed completely again and is warm and sunny. The
kit drys beautifully. Most of the day spent watching other trekkers and
planes. One day somebody is going to gather material here for a Psychology
Ph.D. thesis! Only about 60% of the scheduled flights actually happen owing to
cloud conditions at Kathmandu or at Lukla. (No such thing as instrumentation
only landings at Lukla on a dirt runway, which is on a slope, with twin engined
Otter planes. Even Kathmandu doesn’t have proper facilities – as was
tragically proved by the PIA crash there earlier in the year.) As a result
rumours spread, intrigues seeth, bribes are paid, all in a desperate bid to be
on one of the flights that does happen! We were assured that after long
interruptions to service of 2 or 3 days, not infrequent, the first flight out
from Kathmandu brings police reinforcements to control the trekkers who can be
at near riot point!

Said farewell to the trek crew. Andy presented them with our thanks, and the
customary tips (very well deserved). We had also respect the other end of trek
tradition and donated unwanted kit to be shared between the porters.

Andy insisted on dragging us round Lukla until he found a party that evening.
I will maintain a discrete silence on why we had to retreat from the party
early! Even if I survived the libel lawyers I fear some embarrassing stories
about me would emerge too. A good end to the trek though.

Day 27:

Thanks to local contacts (we were listed on the passenger list as “priority”)
we were on the second flight out. The take off is always exciting as you
bounce down the runway knowing that there is a drop of several thousand feet at
the end. This time the stall alarm sounded briefly as we took off!
Fortunately those who were most frightened of the flight didn’t realise what
the noise meant. Ignorance can be bliss.

Back to civilisation, showers, CNN and BBC World Service in the hotel reception
area. Well it was civilisation until the WWF Main Event came on.

First stop was the San Francisco Pizza Parlour (a locally owned and run
establishment) and the demolition of a large pile of pizzas. This was an
enjoyable compromise between the natural desire to find the best and biggest
buffalo steak in town and abstinence.

Andy had counselled us to try and control our temptation to binge – for the
last three and a half weeks we’d been on a simple diet, so too much rich food
could easily cause an upset stomach. Besides, on trek the staff were
punctillious with observing hygiene rules. In Kathmandu this may not be the
case. Stick to the restaurants people have eaten at safely in the past! Young
Andy said his previous party had gone to a new Thai restaurant on their last
night, the next morning over half of them got onto the flight with the
Kathmandu Quickstep. We avoided that restaurant.

Day 28:

In Kathmandu. Sightseeing, souvenir buying, and more (semi-controlled) eating.
A farewell meal with An Kami in “KC’s” – one of the Restaurants that made its
name back in the 60s when Kathmandu was on the hippy trail.

Day 29:

I don’t think its worth adding much to the itinerary “Depart Kathmandu, arrive
London.”

AFTERTHOUGHT

My next article will talk about some of the practicalities of organising a
trip. However, I’d certainly recommend North West Frontiers unreservedly for
anyone considering a Himalayan Trek or a walking holiday in Scotland or Europe.
Its a small company, so the number of treks is smaller than that offered by the
large companies, but the quality is exceptional. Address and Phone Number
are as follows.

Andrew Bluefield
North West Frontiers
19, West Terrace
ULLAPOOL,
Rossshire IV26 2UU
SCOTLAND

Phone is International + 44 854 612571
Fax is International + 44 854 612025

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks to Robert Wong, Steve Rice and Mike Adams who spotted a glorious, but
highly embarassing, typo in the first draft of this article. Further thanks to
Robert for spell checking the first draft and for pointing out where my British
English didn’t translate into American English!

Questions And Answers About The Mensa Organization

Mensa

Questions and Answers about the Organization

What is Mensa?

Mensa is an international organization with only one requirement
for membership – a score on a standardized I.Q. test higher than
98% of the general population.

How many people belong to Mensa?

American Mensa now has nearly 50,000 members; another 20,000
members belong to national Mensas in Australia, Austria, Belgium,
British Isles, Canada, Channel Islands, Finland, France, Germany,
Italy, Japan, Malaysia, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden,
and Switzerland. There are Mensans in 98 countries throughout the
world.

What is Mensa’s purpose?

Mensa has three major purposes: to identify and foster human
intelligence for the benefit of humanity; to encourage research
in the nature, characteristics, and uses of intelligence; and to
provide a stimulating intellectual and social environment for its’
members.

What are Mensa members like?

Mensa members represent:
1. All ages from 4 to 94…
2. Every educational level from preschoolers to high school
dropouts to Ph.D.s…
3. All economic levels, from people on welfare to millionaires…
4. A broad range of occupations, including executives, factory
workers, scientists, farmers, authors, engineers, lawyers,
doctors, truck drivers, homemakers, teachers, computer
programmers, secretaries, politicians, the military, actors,
musicians, and hundreds more.

What does “Mensa” mean?

Mensa is Latin for “table”. We are a round-table society that makes
no distinctions as to race, color, creed, national origin, age,
or economic, educational, or social status. Only intelligence
matters.

What can Mensa offer me?

You can be assured of meeting others at your own intellectual
level. In a world that is becoming more and more stratified and
classified, and in which social and intellectual contacts are
frequently limited to people with whom you work, to your neighbors,
and to the usual civic organizations, Mensa has a lot to offer.
Most of all, it offers a challange: Mensa dares you to use, exercise,
and, ultimately, expand your intellectual potential. The entire
organization is structured for that purpose.

Page 1

How is Mensa organized?

American Mensa has about 140 Local Groups, located in all 50
States, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. Chances are there’s
a local group near you.

What do these groups do?

Most local groups hold regular meetings, at least one a month,
as well as various other activities. (Many groups have meetings
and activities more frequently, sometimes several times a week.)
These activities allow members to become acquainted with each other;
many friendships have developed as a result of Mensa. In addition,
the groups publish newsletters distributed monthly to their members,
containing an activities calendar, and other items of information
and interest. The activities of each group are determined by its
own members.

What are the meetings like?

Meetings vary, from a board-of-directors planning session to get-
togethers that feature speakers and/or fre-for-all discussions. A
speaker may be a noted authority on a subject of may be a member
with knowledge to share.

What other activities are available?

Activities cover a wide range of interests, from games night
(Scrabble, Chess, Boggle, and Dungeons and Dragons are especially
popular) to theme parties; from singles get-togethers to family
outings; from luncheons or dinners to a night at the local pub;
from theater and film parties and concerts to a night of playing
records and dancing at a member’s house. When Mensans get together,
they usually have a good time.

What’s so special about Mensans meeting?

There is an atmosphere of congeniality, intellectual stimulation,
good humor, and, perhaps most important, lively conversation.
There is freedom to think and to express those thoughts. There’s
always someone who will listen to, enhance, and even challenge
your ideas.

What do members talk about?

Unless there’s a specified theme at a particular meeting, pretty
much the same things people everywhere talk about — current events,
sports, sex, the future, music, politics, art, computers, the
economy, kids, cars, values. It isn’t so much a question of
“what” — it’s more a matter of “how”.

How do I know whether anyone shares my interests?

Mensa has over 180 SIGS — Special Interest Groups — composed
of members with personal or professional interests in common.
SIGs are started and maintained by members, and cover a vast
range of topics including astronomy, body language, law,
photography, history, and allergies — to name just a few.
Almost all SIGs have newsletters of their own. If your special
interest doesn’t have a SIG, it’s easy to start your own.

Page 2

How is Mensa organized nationally?

Mensa is governed by the American Mensa Committee (AMC), composed
of elected and appointed volunteers. There is also a small paid
administrative staff whose members — along with the officers —
are always ready to assist the entire membership.

Are there national activities?

A national convention, or Annual Gathering, is held every June or
July — in a different city each year — where over 1,000 members
attend workshops, participate in seminars, attend social functions,
renew old friendships and start new ones. The Annual Gathering is
a special, never-to-be-forgotten experience.
Regional Gathers (some 40 of them) are held annually in various
parts of the country, with most of the excitement and activities
(both intellectual and social) of the Annual Gathering, on a
somewhat smaller scale.
The Mensa Annual Colloquium is a new activity sponsored by the
Mensa Education and Research Foundation. It is designed to provide
a stimulating intellectual forum where members may meet with experts
to spend a few days discussing a chosen topic.

What about special programs?

The Mensa Education and Research Foundation (MERF) sponsors the
Mensa Scholarship Program (in which students nationwide compete
for varying sums of money for their education), Awards for
Excellence for short papers in the field of giftedness, the Mensa
Meritorious Publication Award (with Wright State University, Dayton
Ohio) for a major work in the field of giftedness, Memorial
Awards, and donor programs.
The Gifted Children Program compiles and provides information
that includes activities, both national and local, centered
around gifted children.

Does Mensa have its own publications?

The “Mensa Bulletin”, published ten times per year, is sent
to members as a part of their membership. It incorporates the
“International Journal”, and these publications contain views
and information about Mensa, as well as contributions by Mensans
on a wide variety of subjects.
Local newsletters are published by almost every local group,
informing members of local activities and events, and other
items of interest.
“Interloc” (also published ten times yearly) is free to officers,
and to other active members on request. It contains news and
information about various society, administrative, and internal
matters.
The “Mensa Research Journal”, published periodically by MERF,
reports on Mensa-supported research. It also publishes original
articles in diverse fields of interest, and is available for a
subscription fee.
“Isolated-M” is a popular and informative newsletter published
by the Isolated-M SIG. It is sent to those members who are
geographically isolated from a local group, and is available to
others by subscription.

Page 3

The “Mensa Register”, or other membership directory, published
periodically, list all of the members and may include such
information as geographic location, areas of expertise and/or
interest, and other professional and personal data.

Are there any special benefits for members?

Although hardly the primary reason for joining Mensa, membership
does afford some special benefits, such as S.I.G.H.T., which
assists traveling Mensans, and insurance.

How can I become a member?

We suggest you begin with a valid, at-home, I.Q. test. Complete
the application form (at the end of this text) and return it to
us with your check or money order for $9.00. We’ll send you an
I.Q. test you can take at home. Upon receipt of your completed
test, we will score it and notify you of the results. If the
results indicate an I.Q. at or above the 95th percentile, you
will be invited to take our supervised tests, which cost $20.00
and are administered by one of our proctors at a convenient location.
Should your score on one of the proctored tests indicate your I.Q.
to be in the top 2%, you will be offered membership in the Society.
Our tests, however, are not valid for persons under the age of
14; they can qualify for membership via alternative procedures
for admission (see the end of this text).

What about I.Q. test taken in the past?

A score in the 98th percentile or higher on one of many standardized
I.Q. tests — if approved by our Supervisory Psychologist —
previously administered in school, the Armed Forces, or by any
licensed psychologist, is satisfactory evidence of qualification
for membership (see the end of this text).

What’s the next step?

You will be notified that your score is acceptable, and, soon
after payment of the membership dues, you will begin receiving
the national “Mensa Bulletin”, a local newsletter, and your
membership card entitling you to participate in all Mensa
activities and special benefits.

What are the membership dues?

Current annual dues are $33.00 — less than ten cents a day.
(Information about student dues, additional family member
dues, and life dues is provided at the time membership is offered).
Part of your dues is returned to the local groups to provide
a greater range of activities and benefits for the members on
a local level. Mensa is a not-for-profit organization.

Is Mensa for me?

Only you can answer that. If what you’re looking for is intelligent
conversation, stimulating people, interesting activities, and an
opportunity to expand your world, the answer is yes. Why not
fill out the application blank and find out if you qualify?

Page 4

Remember, one out of every fifty people qualifies for Mensa.
YOU could be that one.

Join us. We might be just what you’re looking for.

—————————————————————

Alternate Procedure for Admission

Admission to Mensa may also be granted on the basis of
evidence of a previous intelligence test. A list of the
qualifying scores* for several of the major intelligence
tests is given here.

* It should be noted that the term “I.Q. score” is used as a
convenient, easily understood reference, but that candidates
for membership in Mensa must achieve a score at or above the 98th
percentile on a standard test of intelligence. The “I.Q. score”
varies from test to test, as indicated by the list below.

Candidates MUST supply the evidence or make the necessary
arrangements to have it sent. Such documentation is returned
only if request is made at the onset. If the test was given by
a psychologist, psychometrist, or agency, the score must be
reported on professional letterhead and signed by the test
administrator. If the evidence is in the form of a transcript,
the transcript must be certified. Notarized photostatic copies
of original documents are usually acceptable.

———— Qualifying Test Scores ——————-

California Test of Mental Maturity ………… IQ 132
California Test of Cognitive Skills ……….. 132
CEEB or SAT (Verbal and Math combined)
prior to 9/77 …………………………. 1300
CEEB or SAT (Verbal and Math combined)
as of 9/77 ……………………………. 1250
GRE (Verbal and Math combined) ……………. 1250
LSAT (prior to 1982) or 662 (as of 1982) …… 39
ACT Composite …………………………… 29
Miller Analogies Test – raw score …………. 66
Stanford Binet, Form L-M …………………. IQ 132
Wechsler Adult and Children Scales
(WAIS and WAIS-R, WISC and WISC-R) ………. IQ 130
Otis Tests:
Alpha …………………………… IQ 138
Beta ……………………………. IQ 128
Gamma …………………………… IQ 131
Lennon ………………………….. IQ 132

Many other intelligence tests may also be accepted subject
to individual appraisal of the documentation by Mensa’s
Supervisory Psychologists, e.g:

Henmon-Nelson
Medical College Admission Test
National Teachers Exam

Page 5

Wechsler Bellvue 1
Cattell Cultural Fair
Graduate Management Admission Exam
ACE
SRA Primary Mental Abilities
Army General Classification Test (AGCT or GT prior to 10/80)
NY State Regents Scholarship Test (aptitude section only)
Navy GCT (Standard Score) prior to 10/80

Mensa reserves the right to alter or modify these norms as
the tests indicated are renormed or restandardized. All prior
evidence submitted to Mensa will be appraised individually,
and Mensa reserves the right to make the final determination
as to the acceptability of any test.

————————————————————

Mail to: American Mensa, Ltd.
2626 East 14th Street
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11235-3992
718-934-3700

Name: ……………………………………………..

Age: …….

Address: …………………………………………..

City: ………………………… State: … Zip: ……

Phone: (h)………………. Phone: (b)……………….

… [A] Please send me the preliminary test to do at home without
supervision. Enclosed find U. S. $9.00; please inform me
of my score.

… [B] I wish to go directly to the supervised test. Please send
me the name and address of the nearest Proctor. I understand
the $20.00 fee is to be paid to the Proctor.

… [C] I claim exemption from testing and enclose evidence that my
I.Q. is in the top 2% or the general population. I enclose
$15.00 nonrefundable evaluation fee. (If the evidence is to
be sent to us by a psychologist or testing institute, please
give name and address of same.

…………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………..

I learned about Mensa through: ……………………………….

Amount enclosed: $ …………………. (U.S. funds only)

—————————————————————-

Additional questions concerning the Mensa Society can be
answered by leaving a message to the System Operator on …

WelCom Systems Electronic Software Exchange

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Attn: William E. Lyell
Mensa # – 1089036

Memetics: The Nascent Science Of Ideas And Their Transmission, By J. Peter Vajk (January 19, 1989)

MEMETICS; THE NASCENT SCIENCE OF IDEAS AND THEIR TRANSMISSION

J. Peter Vajk

An Essay Presented to the Outlook Club
Berkeley, California
January 19, 1989

In April 1917, a 47-year old lawyer-turned-journalist and a handful of
companions enter Russia by train. By November, they take control of
the government of Russia. Within another four years, a devastating
civil war kills some 10 million Russians.

In 1924, a 34-year old handyman and would-be artist and architect is
arrested for starting a brawl in a tavern in southern Germany. In
jail over the next nine months, he writes a book expressing his
dissatisfactions with life and the world in which he lives, and lays
out a blueprint of what he plans to do to change it. Within nine years
he has total and sole control of the entire national government. Over
the ensuing thirteen years, his exercise of that power leads to the
deaths of some thirty million people across two continents and three
seas.

In the early 1970’s, two young men, both of them Vietnam War veterans,
go camping in the Sierra Nevada in California, about a mile from a Girl
Scout campground. The second afternoon of their stay, one of the men
breaks out in chills, sweats, and violent shivering, like he had
experienced a few times in Vietnam. About a week later, in the
San Francisco Bay area, six Girl Scouts become ill, with high fevers,
severe headaches, and violent shivering.

In the mid-1970’s, a charismatic minister attracts a large following
among the poor and disaffected population of a Northern California urban
center. After their activities draw increasing attention from the press,
the minister and nearly a thousand of his adherent move en masse to an
obscure village in the jungles of a small South American country. By
November 1978, he and 910 others, including children, lie dead in the
jungle, having drunk KoolAid which they knew was laced with cyanide.

In the late 1970’s, a handsome young French Canadian steward working for
Air Canada begins to make regular visits (using his free airline passes)
to New York’s Greenwich Village, Los Angeles’ Sunset Strip, and San
Francisco’s Castro, Polk, and Mission Street areas. He has no trouble
picking up dates with dozens of gay men over a period of two or three
years. By 1980, over a hundred men from coast to coast are dead of dying
>from a strange form of cancer or from a rare form of pneumonia.

In the fall, of 1988, a graduate student loads a short program into a few
mainframe computers. Within two days, dozens of mainframe computers all
across North America and Great Britain come to a halt: each computer is
repetitively doing nonsense copying of files, leaving no time at all for
productive computing. It takes as much as a week to get some of the
computer centers back to normal activity.

These six episodes, from the disparate fields of politics, human disease,
religion, and computer technology, have a great deal in common. It is my
aim tonight to explore memetics, a science in the early stages of birth.
“Meme” (pronounced to rhyme with “cream”) is a neologism, coined by
analogy to “gene,” by the writer-zoologist Richard Dawkins in his book
_The Selfish Gene_ (New York: Oxford University Press, 1976). By the end
of this essay, the deep similarities (as well as some of the vital
differences) among these six episodes will, I hope, become clear. I will
also engage in some speculation about the implications of this nascent
science for current affairs.

The roots of the idea of memetics as a science lie in the study of
biological evolution, in genetics, in modern information theory, in
artificial intelligence research, in epidemiology, and in studies of
patients with split brains. To set the stage for my discussion of memetics,
let me briefly recapitulate the modern understanding of biological evolution
and the role genes play in evolution.

We now know that life originated on Earth about four billion years ago.
The earliest things we might consider to be on the threshhold of living
beings were in all probability complex organic molecules capable of
replication, that is, able to make identical copies of themselves from
less complex molecules in their environment. Complex molecules of this
sort, given a few hundred million years, could arise by chance at the
edges of the young oceans out of the primordial broth of substances like
water, carbon dioxide, methane, ammonia, and hydrogen sulfide, which were
all abundant in the original atmosphere of the Earth. This broth was
stimulated by ultraviolet light from the Sun (more intense since the Earth
had as yet no ozone layer); by lightning and tidal action (both of which
were more intense because the Moon was considerably closer and the day was
shorter); and volcanism (also more intense since the Earth’s crust was newly
formed and thinner). Such stimuli, acting for a period of just a few weeks
on such a primordial broth, have been demonstrated in laboratory experiments
to produce molecules of intermediate complexity such as amino acids from
which all proteins are made. These amino acids, in turn, give rise in the
same laboratory experiments within a few months to nucleic acids, from which
the DNA in all living viruses, plants, and animals on Earth are made.

Once even one self-replicating molecule had come together, evolution toward
diversity and greater complexity was inevitable. Once in a while, a copying
mistake would happen; if the new copy could still make copies of itself, a
new “species” would have emerged. Soon (speaking in geological time scales)
there would be a number of species of self-replicating molecules competing for
the shrinking supply of raw materials in the broth at the edge of the sea.
The populations of these different species would depend to a large extent
on three characteristics of the molecules: longevity, fecundity, and
copying-fidelity.

If a particular type of molecule were only moderately stable against
disruption by ultraviolet light or by the acidity of the broth, for
example, it would not have much time available to make copies of itself.
On the other hand, even a short-lived molecule could come to outnumber a
very stable molecule if it can make new copies of itself very quickly. A
molecule which is not very selective about which bits of raw materials it
uses for a particular part of a copy may have numerous offspring, but they
will be of different species, so that the numbers of molecules which do not
have high fidelity replication will not grow; the species may, in fact,
become extinct fairly rapidly.

As the numbers of self-replicating molecules increased, their food supply
declined, since the food was increasingly embodied in the replicators
themselves. Any molecule which accidentally had the capability of
breaking other species of molecules apart would then have access to more
raw materials, and predation appeared on the scene. In turn, molecules
resistant to being eaten in this way (perhaps by carrying around a coat of
proteins like modern viruses) would then increase in numbers relative to
those which molecules which could be eaten easily. At some unknown stage
in this process, the class of self-replicating molecules we know as DNA,
appeared on the scene. We do not know whether or not DNA was the original
replicating molecule, or whether it evolved from some earlier class of
molecules. In any case, it has been highly successful, since no other
class of self-replicating molecules survives on Earth today.

At some later point in time, by processes which are still unknown, simple
single-celled organisms which we would clearly recognize as “living” arose.
These early creatures were still dependent on physical processes (lightning,
ultraviolet light, etc.) for the production of foodstuffs, on predation, or
on scavenging. Finally, about two billion years ago, a new molecule was
“invented” which changed the whole picture. That molecule was chlorophyll,
which enabled its inventors, the blue-green algae, to make complex foodstuffs
(sugars and starches) directly and rapidly from two of the simplest and most
abundant molecules in the environment, namely, water and carbon dioxide, with
a little help from the sunlight. This made it possible for several different
types of simple primitive cells to fuse together into the more complicated
modern cell in a mutually helpful, symbiotic relationship. The more complex
cell could now form multi-cellular entities, and higher plants and animals
appeared on the scene, creating the sort or biosphere we know today.

But underneath it all, the self-replicating DNA molecule, the gene, is the
very essence of life. Trees, dogs, mosquitos, robins, earthworms, and human
beings are from a certain perspective nothing more than huge, elaborate robots
whose only function is to enhance the ability of the minute genes inside to
replicate themselves. In other words, a chicken is merely an egg’s way of
making more eggs.

While individual chickens or salmon or human beings have fairly short
lifespans, a particular gene, that is, a particular pattern of amino acids
in a DNA chain, may survive through many generations. Ignoring some of the
finer points of the way in which chromosomes are scrambled during the
formation of sperm cells and egg cells in sexual reproduction, a given gene
may actually survive for millions of years, although the survival machine,
the body it wears, is replaced frequently.

Any particular body reflects the particular collection of genes it carries;
natural selection operates, not on species or on particular populations, but
on individual genes. As environments change, the survival probabilities for
a particular gene may be enhanced by tagging along with a different collection
of genes. Thus it is not surprising that the gene for Rh factor in human
blood is virtually identical to that in chimpanzees, and just a little bit
different in rhesus monkeys in which the expression of the gene was first
discovered. Each gene, like its distant ancestors, the primitive self-
replicating molecules of four billion years ago, is “selfish:” the survival
of that gene depends on making its survival machine (its body) act or grow in
a way that increases the changes that more copies of that gene (rather than
some other competing gene in the gene pool) will be made in new survival
machines.

Let us turn now to human beings. It has been observed frequently that
cultural evolution has, by and large, become more important for humans than
biological evolution. It is, in any case, far faster: a new cultural idea
or mutation can spread through all the individuals in the same generation
which invented the new idea. A genetic mutation, on the other hand, can
only begin to spread when the next generation is born, and it will take many
generations before the mutation has any chance of being expressed in a
significant fraction of the population. It is thus of much more than passing
interest to consider how ideas are transmitted; whether and how they compete;
and what effects they have on the survival machines, originally built to help
genes propagate, which house the minds in which ideas are born and live.

An early hint at some of these issues is in an article by neuro-physiologist
Roger W. Sperry titled _Mind, Brain, and Humanist Values_ (In John R. Platt,
ed., New Views on the Nature of Man. Chicago: University of Chicago Press,
1965.) Sperry writes,

Ideas cause ideas and help evolve new ideas. They interact with each
other and with other mental forces in the same brain, in neighboring
brains, and, thanks to global communications, in far distant, foreign
brains. And they also interact with the external surroundings to
produce in toto a burstwise advance in evolution that is far behind
anything to hit the evolutionary scene yet, including the emergence
of the living cell.

Molecular biologist Jacques Monod in the last chapter of _Chance and Necessity:
An Essay on the Natural Philosophy of Modern Biology_ began to explore the
evolution of ideas.

For a biologist it is tempting to draw a parallel between the evolution of
ideas and that of the biosphere. For while the abstract kingdom stands at
a yet greater distance above the biosphere than the latter does above the
nonliving universe, ideas have retained some of the properties of organisms.
Like them, they tend to perpetuate their structure and to breed; they too can
fuse, recombine, segregate their content; indeed they too can evolve, and in
this evolution selection must surely play an important role. I shall not
hazard a theory of the selection of ideas. But one may at least try to define
some of the principal factors involved in it. This selection must necessarily
operate at two levels: that of the mind itself and that of performance.

The performance value of an idea depends upon the change it brings to the
behavior of the person or the group that adopts it. The human group upon
which a given idea confers greater cohesiveness, greater ambition, and
greater self-confidence thereby receives from (the idea) an added power to
expand which will insure the promotion of the idea itself. Its capacity to
‘take,” the extent to which it can be ‘put over’ has little to do with the
amount of objective truth the idea may contain. The important thing about
the stout armature a religious ideology constitutes for a society is not what
goes into its structure, but the fact that this structure is accepted, that it
gains sway. So one cannot well separate such an idea’s power to spread from
its power to perform.

The ‘spreading power’ — the infectivity, as it were, — of ideas is much
more difficult to analyze. Let us say that it depends upon preexisting
structures in the mind, among them ideas already implanted by culture, but
also undoubtedly upon certain innate structure which we are hard put to
identify. What is very plain, however, is that the ideas having the highest
invading potential are those that explain man by assigning him his place in
an immanent destiny, in whose bosom his anxiety dissolves.

Monod refers here to the pool of ideas present in human culture as “the
abstract kingdom. Douglas R. Hofstadter in his book _Metamagical Themas:
Questing for the Essence of Mind and Pattern_ (New York: Basic Books,
1985; New York: Bantam Books, 1986) suggests the word “ideosphere” instead,
in closer analogy to “biosphere.”

In the last chapter of his book The Selfish Gene, Dawkins further develops
this notion. He defines a meme as a replicating information pattern that
uses minds to get itself copies into other minds; it is the basic unit of
replication and selection in the ideosphere. The word meme is taken from
the same Greek root as the word memory; a memory is a more-or-less organized
collection of memes and other things. Memes float about in the soup of human
culture where they grow, replicate, mutate, compete, or become extinct.
Dawkins writes:

“Examples of memes are tunes, ideas, catch-phrases, clothes fashions,
ways of making pots or of building arches. Just as genes propagate
themselves in the gene pool by leading from body to body via sperm
or eggs, so memes propagate themselves in the meme pool by leaping
from brain to brain via a process which, in the broad sense, can be
called imitation. If a scientist hears, or reads about, a good idea,
he passes it on to his colleagues and students. He mentions it in his
articles and his lectures. If the idea catches on, it can be said to
propagate itself, spreading from brain to brain.”

Dawkins then quotes the comments of a colleague, N. K. Humphrey, on a
draft by Dawkins:

“…memes should be regarded as living structures, not just
metaphorically but technically. When you plant a fertile meme in
my mind, you literally parasitize by brain, turning it into a
vehicle for the meme’s propagation in just the way that a virus
may parasitize the genetic mechanism of a host cell. And this isn’t
just a way of talking — the meme for, say, ‘belief in life after
death’ is actually realized physically, millions of times over, as
a structure in the nervous systems of individual (people) the world
over.”

It is important to note here that, in contrast to genes, memes are not
encoded in any universal code within our brains or in human culture. The
meme for vanishing point perspective in two-dimensional art, for example,
which first appeared in the sixteenth century, can be encoded and
transmitted in German, English or Chinese; it can be described in words, or
in algebraic equations, or in line drawings. Nonetheless, in any of these
forms, the meme can be transmitted, resulting in a certain recognizable
element of realism which appears only in art works executed by artists
infected with this meme.

Jokes are an interesting group of memes. Because the recipient of a joke can
collect nearly as much reward each time he passes the joke on to yet another
recipient as he received when first hearing the joke, jokes are very fecund
memes, and very infective as well.

Given that memes are encoded in many different ways, it is not surprising
that memes also occur in species other than Homo sapiens. Some species of
birds learn a neighborhood repertoire of songs, rather than inheriting
them. Such birds, raised from hatchlings with other species, will sing only
in the foreign throat. Humpback whales learn songs from one another, and
chimpanzees pass on the art of fishing termites from their nests with long
twigs or reeds from generation to generation.

Of course, not all ideas are memes. A passing thought which you never
mention to anyone else, or an idea which no one else ever takes an
interest in, is not self-replicating. On the other hand, I first
encountered the meme about memes four or five years ago, and that meme
is tonight attempting to infect each of you as well. In a science article
in ANALOG magazine appearing in August 1987, space activist Keith Henson
wrote:

“The important part of the “meme about memes” is that memes are
subject to adaptive evolutionary forces very similar to hose that
select for genes. That is, their variation is subject to selection
in the environment provided by human minds, communications channels,
and the vast collection of cooperating and competing memes that make
up human culture. The analogy is remarkably close. For example,
genes in cold viruses that cause sneezes by irritating noses spread
themselves by this route to new hosts and become more common in the
gene pool of a cold virus. Memes cause those they have successfully
infected to spread the meme by both direct methods (proselytizing)
and indirect methods (writing). Such memes become more common in the
meme pool.”

In the title of this essay, I referred to memetics as a science, albeit one
in a very early and poorly developed stage. What does it take for a field
of study to deserve the name “science?” Without getting too rigorous about
this question, two factors are of major importance here. First, does the
putative “science” explain a diversity of phenomena by a small number of
underlying principles or laws or theories? In other words, a science is not
merely a vast catalog of facts or case histories, although most sciences,
especially the natural sciences, have gone through a stage of amassing such
data before any patterns emerged with sufficient clarity to permit the
formulation of theories which would account for large portions of those data.
Second, are these laws or theories testable? To be testable, a theory must
make predictions about phenomena which have not previously been considered in
devising the theory. If observations match the predictions, then the theory
stands. If the observations differ from the predictions, then the theory
must be either modified until it fits both the old data and the new, or
discarded.

The science of information theory, which has developed during the past half
century as an outgrowth of the needs of the telecommunications industries;
the cryptographic needs of military services; and the burgeoning field of
artificial intelligence research, basically says that, regardless of the
specific content of information a message may have, and regardless of the
particular method of encoding that message, certain universal laws apply to
the copying and transmission of the information. If memetics has any
substance, then, we should expect that phenomena observed among genes should
have analogs among memes. Let us consider briefly then a few of the things
we understand in the biosphere and see if there are analogs in the
ideosphere. Consider first epidemiology, the study of the transmission of
pathogens, disease-causing microorganisms.

It is fairly easy to find phenomena in the propagation of memes in the
ideosphere analogous to the spread of pathogens. While some pathogens can
infect only by direct contact (such as most sexually transmitted diseases),
others are usually transmitted by intermediaries, usually called “vectors.”
The Girl Scouts in my earlier example were infected with malaria transmitted
by mosquitos which had previously bitten the Vietnam veteran while he as in
the throes of a malarial relapse.

Similarly, some religious memes are very difficult to transmit except by the
force of personal example at close quarters. Other memes, particularly those
of a commercial nature, like “Things go better with Coke,” are very
effectively transmitted by the vectors of modern electronic media.

Occasionally, a pathogen may be successfully suppressed in most places, but
survive in a few tiny pockets or reservoirs until the large environment is
once more susceptible to infection. Tuberculosis is one such disease;
reservoirs of the bacillus can survive among the fringes of society or even
in tiny calcified spots within a particular person, who will show no
symptoms of the disease until his or her immunological resistance is
weakened by malnutrition or another disease. Most of the intellectual and
esthetic memes of classical Greece were “lost” for a millennium, surviving
only in tiny reservoirs in the monastic communities of Ireland until the
Renaissance made it possible for these memes to again infect significant
numbers of people.

A correct understanding of some of the mechanisms involved can be very
important to survival of human genes. Thus, for example, human cultures
had little or no success in combatting epidemics of the plague, smallpox,
or malaria, to name a few, while the dominant meme (which survived for over
five centuries in Western civilization) of the miasma theory of diseases
held sway. With the advent of the germ theory (a meme which corresponds
more closely to reality), quarantine measures, innoculation and immunization,
and suppression of vectors (like rates, mosquitos, or contaminated water
supplies) finally enabled human genes to compete more successfully against
the genes of the germs.

A major problem in the United States today is drug abuse among teenagers
and young adults. The growth curves for numbers of drug abusers have the
same shape as the curves for influenza epidemics or for AIDS, and efforts
up to now in the war against drugs have been about as successful as were
public health measures based on the miasma theory. The drug-abuse meme,
since it is particularly prevalent among teenagers and young adults and
since it increases mortality among these individuals, reduces the survival
and reproduction of human genes. If we are to make headway in the war on
drugs, we must understand the characteristics of the drug-abuse meme;
clearly identify its vectors; and find ways to immunize those populations
at risk of infection.

Later in this essay I will return to examining some of these
epidemiological analogies, including issues of susceptibility and resistance
to infection; possibilities of immunization against particularly nasty
memes; and some of the strategies used by memes to increase their infectivity.
Now, however, I would like to discuss the concept of competition among memes.

If memes are only ideas in our heads, and our minds can hold unbelievably
large quantities of information, why would memes have to compete? Simply
because the amount of time and attention a human can spend on efforts to
propagate memes is limited. Most of the external channels used to spread
memes are also limited resources, whether they be air time on radio or
television, shelf space in a book store or library, or column inches in a
magazine or newspaper. Moreover, some memes by their very nature attempt
to discredit other memes; still other groups of memes are self-reinforcing.
Thus we should expect that most competitive strategies used by genes in the
biosphere will also be observed in use by memes as they compete in the
ideosphere.

How does a new gene initially become sufficiently common, even if it is
still in the minority among genes competing for a particular niche in the
gene pool, to survive over many generations? If the gene is dominant
over its immediate alternatives, then the traits of the survival machine
which it encodes will promptly be subjected to selective pressures. If the
new gene has a competitive advantage, it will likely spread steadily through
its gene pool. If, on the other hand, it is a recessive gene, it can spread
easily in the early stages, free of selective pressures until enough bodies
carry the gene that some offspring will inherit the recessive gene from both
parents, and the new genetic trait is actually expressed in the body of the
offspring, becoming subject to selective pressures. If the new gene is
harmful, selection will keep a ceiling on the fraction of the living
population carrying that gene.

But a seriously harmful gene can become prevalent under certain specialized
conditions, namely, if a small gene pool (that is, a small population of
survival machines carrying a group of genes) is isolated from most of the
competitive forces which would hinder that gene’s propagation through the
gene pool. Then in a modest number of generations the new gene could become
endemic. If this population carrying the deleterious gene is now brought
back into contact with the larger population from which it originally
splintered, the results can be disastrous.

Such as been the case several times in recent history with some extreme
religious cults. Jim Jones’ People’s Temple cult was such a case. A basic
meme for Christianity mixed together with the meme for Marxism ricocheted
around among a small group of people who deliberately isolated themselves
>from the general meme pool of American culture. Social and intellectual
contact with the outside was discouraged; other memes were attacked and
discredited by the leadership of the cult. Lacking competitive pressures
>from more standard religious and cultural memes, the People’s Temple meme
evolved into ever more bizarre forms. Fleeing to Guyana, the cult became
still more ingrown and bizarre, until renewed contact from outside led to
the collapse both of the meme itself and of the genes carried by 911
members of the cult and by four outsiders, including Congressman Ryan of
San Francisco. The Rajneesh cult is another more recent and somewhat less
extreme example of this pattern.

Lest I give you the impression that all memes are dangerous to the
genetic survival of humans and other gentlebeings, let me give a few quick
examples of benign and beneficial memes. Many commercial products are
tangible embodiments of memes; most of these are benign, since the most
virulent are quickly eliminated by regulatory agencies or civil lawsuits.
Hula hoops, pet rocks, and frisbees were memes deliberately designed by
their inventors to propagate rapidly. Like many genetically engineered
microbes (such as those used today to produce insulin and other
pharmaceutical products), these memes are reasonably successful in a
tailored environment, but do not have great longevity in the “wild.” Pet
rocks were highly successful as long as they were highly advertised and
promoted, and as long as a large population which had not read the Owner’s
Instruction Manual could be found. After that, the meme lost its vigor.
Other benign to slightly harmful memes include rumors about media starts,
superstitions, and chain letters.

Beneficial memes include the taming of fire; the ideas of cultivating food
plants and of herding animals; the notion of antisepis in medicine and
surgery; and writing and reading. One important meme in American culture
(to which we shall return a little later) is the idea of tolerance. During
the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the United States was a country of
immigration. Immigrants came from every country in Europe as well as from
parts of Africa, Asia, and South America, all speaking different languages;
observing different customs of dress, behavior, and diet; practicing different
religions; and using different styles of non-verbal communication. While
conflict was at times inevitable among these groups, in a surprisingly short
time, it became apparent that the notion of live and let live required less
energy and effort than did the competing meme of forced conversion. Not only
was this approach more beneficial in terms of personal effort, but it proved
to be economically productive as well, to accept and adopt individual memes
>from the meme-complexes of other immigrant groups and combine them with
elements of one’s own ethnic meme-complex. By the end of the nineteenth
century, tolerance was publicly recognized as an important civic virtue in
America.

To be sure, the meme of tolerance is still in competition with the memes of
racial supremacy and jingoism. But a number of memes active in the legal
system strongly support the meme of tolerance and inhibit its competitors.
(Note how paradoxical this is: the meme of tolerance accepts help from
certain intolerant memes!)

Let me turn now to the category of memes or meme-complexes commonly known
as religious beliefs or creeds. No one knows how the meme of belief in
God originated; indeed, it probably arose independently many times. Why
should such a meme arise and flourish in human meme pools? To answer this
question by saying that God revealed Himself to us in various times and ways
does not really suffice. Even a believer can see that that is circular
reasoning: the only out is to recognize that a leap of faith is required to
accept that God exists. That leap transcends pure reason, but it is not
incompatible with reason. Just as it is possible and reasonable to accept
both the meme of biological evolution and the meme of an initial act of
creation by a Creator who built the laws of mathematics and physics in such
a way as to make the appearance of life inevitable, so is it possible to
accept the idea that human brains and minds have evolved structures or
programs for belief in things unseen and unprovable.

In fact, some evidence that just such a structure exists in our brains comes
>from split-brain research. Michael Gazzaniga describes one such experiment
in his book The Social Brain. Because part of each eyeball’s visual field
is connected to the brain hemisphere on the same side as the eyeball, and
part is connected to the opposite hemisphere, it is possible to direct
visual images exclusively to one or the other hemisphere of the brain. Some
brain lesions destroy the neurological connections between the two
hemispheres, so the two halves of the brain act essentially independently.
Since the speech center is located almost exclusively in the left hemisphere,
such a patient can report verbally on activities in the left hemisphere, but
not in the right side. Gazzaniga presented each side of the brain in some of
his patients with a simple conceptual problem. Special viewing equipment
projected a picture of a claw to the left side and a snow scene to the right
side. A variety of cards were then placed in front of the subject who was
asked verbally (via the ears, which feed each hemisphere directly) to point
with each hand at a card matching what he had seen. The correct response for
the claw was a picture of a chicken; for the snow scene, a shovel. Gazzaniga
writes:

“After the two pictures are flashed to each half-brain, the subjects
are required to point to the answers. A typical response is that of
P.S., who pointed to the chicken with his right hand and the shovel
with his left. After his response, I asked him, ‘Paul, why did
you do that?’ Paul looked up and without a moment’s hesitation said
from his left hemisphere, ‘Oh, that’s easy. The chicken claw goes
with the chicken and you need a shovel to clean out the chicken shed.'”

Here was the left half-brain having to explain why the left hand was pointing
to the shovel when the only picture (the left half-brain) saw was a claw.
The left half-brain is not privy to what the right half-brain saw because of
the brain’s disconnection. Yet the patient’s body was doing something. Why
was the left hand pointing to the shovel? The left-brain’s cognitive system
needed a theory and instantly supplied one that made sense given the
information it had on this particular task…

This mechanism in the brain, which appears to overlap the speech center, may
be called an “inference engine:” given limited information, it leaps to some
sort of initially plausible explanation for phenomena the brain must handle.
Such a mechanism has obvious survival value if it can suggest that the
rustling in the bushes behind you might be a large predator.

On the other hand, as Gazzaniga’s example shows, the inference engine will
wring blood from a stone: you can count on it to manufacture causal
relations whether or not they exist. Nor does it seem to be able to tell
when it doesn’t have enough data. Given an increasingly complex world, the
inference engine is more and more likely to generate stuff having the quality
of National Enquirer headlines. Memes originating in this way can be weeded
out by exercise of a fairly modern meme complex, the meme complex forming the
foundation of modern science, a healthy degree of skepticism. “What’s the
evidence?” this meme complex asks. Actually, we should call this a metameme,
since it is a meme about memes.

Thus the human mind has a need for explanations or theories about its
perceived reality. Given the complexity of mind which has extensive and
detailed memory and vivid imagination, the ability to conceive of times past
and future as well as present, and to foresee the death of the self,
explanations are called for. Given the existence of evil and death, the
inference engine seeks meaning. Religious meme complexes (frequently
including such memes as belief in God, belief in an after-life and an
immortal soul, belief in rewards or punishments in the here-after) satisfy
the need for explanations or theories about these cosmic issues, which may
be sufficient explanation for the prevalence and persistence of these memes
in human culture.

Related meme complexes are those of political belief systems. To some
extent, these overlap some or all of the meme-space occupied by religious
meme complexes insofar as they, too, attempt to explain good and evil
within human affairs and give meaning and purpose to activities in the human
sphere. For people who have little power or influence, political theories
can explain why they are so unfortunate.

Let me return now to some issues I mentioned in passing. Can we predict
what sorts of brains will be more or less susceptible to infection by a
particular meme” Can we immunize people against infection by more
pernicious memes? Can particular memes be modified to make them more
infective? A few observations suggest some lines of inquiry and
investigation. Although the gene itself was unknown until Gregor Mendel’s
experiments on sweet peas near the end of the last century, farmers and
animal breeders had a practical, intuitive grasp of genetics and evolution
by selection thousands of years ago. Similarly, advertising agencies and
political propagandists have been putting analogous concepts into practice
for a long time, despite lack of the meme metameme.

Infection by the memes of television advertising is more likely among
inexperienced, uneducated, or unsophisticated individuals. Children are more
likely to catch these infections than adults; highly educated individuals who
have previously been infected to some degree by the skepticism meme are much
more resistant. A strongly developed sense of humor also appears to confer a
high degree of resistance, perhaps because humor and skepticism are related
by way of irony.

What about religious or political memes? Note first that most religious
meme complexes are mutually exclusive: one cannot simultaneously adhere to
Greek Orthodoxy and to polytheistic Hinduism, albeit hybridization between
several seemingly incompatible religions is possible. (On the other hand,
it is possible to subscribe to several of the Asian religions simultaneously:
it is possible to be a Buddhist, Taoist, and Confucianist at once, for
example.) Political meme complexes, as I mentioned before, seem to occupy
similar locations in our mental landscapes. Patty Hearst, who had been
exposed only superficially to either Christianity or to the American civic
religion, had a near-vacuum in that space. So we should not be surprised
that intense personal exposure to the far-fringe political belief system
of the Symbionese Liberation Army successfully infected her with a rather
bizarre meme complex, one which had very little genetic survivability, since
most of that group died in a firefight and conflagration in Los Angeles
about a year after she was initially kidnapped.

During the Korean War, American prisoners of war in North Korean prison
camps were subjected to intense brainwashing procedures. Many prisoners
cracked; others did not. The only consistent difference between those
who did and those who did not succumb was the degree to which they had been
infected with the traditional religious beliefs and/or traditional American
values, i.e., belief in the American civic religion. An important exception
was POW’s who were “True Believers” in Eric Hoffer’s sense. Most of the
POW’s who actually defected to North Korea had such a personality. It is
interesting to note, however, that the True Believer personality usually has
a poorly developed sense of humor.

In the present century, two major meme complexes in the political sphere
are in active competition. Make no mistake: the conflict between the West
and the Sino-Soviet bloc is not over physical resources such as land
or petroleum; neither is it about weapons systems or trade items. It is a
battle between competing memes for survival and replication in the minds of
human beings. At the cores of the respective meme complexed lie Western
democracy and Marxist-Leninism, respectively, and it is these memes which I
wish to discuss now.

The Marxist-Leninist meme complex has to date been highly successful when
viewed from the perspective of memetics rather than economics, I have already
referred to the role of Lenin and a handful of his companions who arrived at
the Finland Station in St. Petersburg in April 1917 and successfully captured
control of the government within eight months. It is worth looking at some
of the competitive strategies the Marxist-Leninist meme (MLM for short) has
used to achieve this success.

Many of these techniques are directly analogous to techniques in the
biosphere. Like the common cold virus and the AIDS virus, the MLM frequently
changes its outer appearance to prevent immunological systems from immediately
recognizing it and combatting it. Fidel Castro and Daniel Ortega, for
example, pretended to be patriotic liberators; once in power, they shed their
sheep’s clothing to pursue the original purposes of the MLM. Like the
penicillin bacterium, the MLM emits toxins that impede the replication of
competing memes: secret police or Red Guards harass, imprison, or kill
carriers of competing memes: secret police or Red Guards harass, imprison,
or kill carriers of competing memes. Like the AIDS virus, the MLM improves
its chances of success by weakening the immunological systems of its targets
by an extensive disinformation and propaganda machine. (In the Winter 1989
issue of GLOBAL AFFAIRS, John Lenczowski, _The Soviet Union and the United
States: Myths, Realities, Maxims_ makes a strong case that the current era
of glasnost and perestroika is one more cycle of deliberate strategic
deception.)

Like retroviruses which coopt the genes of their hosts to make copies of
the retroviruses themselves instead of whatever proteins those genes were
intended to manufacture, the MLM seizes control of the machinery for
transmission and replication of memes: radio, television, and the press are
totally coopted, and other channels (such as mimeograph machines and
telephones) are restricted or closely monitored. Lenin was so successful in
such a short time because the German Foreign Ministry secretly funded his
propaganda campaign to the tune of some 50 million gold marks or more,
equivalent to a few hundred million dollars today. (See Michael Pearson,
_The Sealed Train: Lenin’s Eight-Month Journey from Exile to Power_,
New York: G. P. Putnam & Sons, 1975.)

In order to lodge itself more firmly in the mental space occupied by
religious meme complexes, not only does the MLM actively suppress standard
religions, but it takes on some of the trappings of such religions, endowing
the Party leaders with godlike attributes and offering a Marxist-Leninist
vision of the future colored by a Heaven-like mystical aura.

Let me turn now to the meme complex of the West. Democratic institutions,
some variation of capitalism, and significant personal liberty are the
traditional values attributed to the West, but one other piece of the complex
is especially important in this discussion, namely, the meme of tolerance.

The meme of tolerance evolved in America under conditions of partial
isolation: relatively small doses of outside memes kept coming in, and
could be absorbed and assimilated into a larger, fairly stable, meme pool.
But the American meme pool was not being tested overseas against other large
and fairly stable meme pools. Thus the tolerance meme was not exposed to
competitive pressures in the global ideosphere until the middle of this
century; it is not clear whether or not it is a “dominant” or a “recessive”
meme; and it is not clear what its effect on the competitive survivability of
the meme complex of American culture will be in this larger arena.

Note that in its nineteenth century form, the meme of tolerance did not
assert that all meme complexes were created equal. To allow other memes to
compete freely in the American ideosphere was all the tolerance meme stood
for; it did not in any way inhibit the meme that the American political
system was preferable to any other. In recent decades, a mutated version of
the tolerance meme seems to have become more prevalent in the United States.
In this form, the meme asserts that cultural and political meme complexes are
of equal worth; in particular, the Soviet MLM complex and the Western
democracy meme complex are held to be “morally equivalent.” Judged by the
values of the American cultural meme complex, however, a meme complex such
as the MLM in which intolerance is inextricably embedded is clearly NOT of
equal worth.

It would seem at the very least that the mutated version of the American
tolerance meme weakens the immunological capacity of American culture to
resist the MLM. It is even possible that the political-cultural meme
complex of the Western democracies contains the seeds of its own destruction,
not in the sense in which Marx, Engels, and Lenin predicted, but in the sense
of memetics.

Can anything be done to immunize our populations against infection by the
MLM? Simple anti-Communist hysteria is inadequate and, given the tolerance
meme (either in its conventional or mutated forms), is even counterproductive.
Greater education in the metameme of skepticism would certainly help. Renewed
emphasis in the schools on the benefits of traditional American values would
be expected to help, as would cultivation of adherence to traditional,
mainline religions. (How the latter can be achieved with the framework of
the American cultural system is difficult to see.)

The outcome of this competition between the meme complexes of the East and
the West is of vital concern for the next few generations of the survival
machines in which human genes are carried.

Is there any substance to memetics? Can it be placed on a sound scientific
footing, able to make predictions? If so, applied memetics raises important
ethical questions within the framework of the Western meme complex, as the
dangers of deliberate manipulation of the general meme pool for personal
power would be very real. Moreover, adherents of the Soviet MLM would
have no hesitation about using such a science to further the spread of the
MLM at the expense of the Western democratic meme.

Memetics is still at a very primitive stage. Like biology in the eighteenth
century, the emphasis is necessarily on gathering reams of data and forming
very tentative hypotheses. The formulation of universal principles may yet
be years away. Indeed, it is possible that the entire concept may be
intellectually and scientifically bankrupt. But in the meanwhile, it
nonetheless provides an interesting framework for looking at social and
political movements. Join the fun!

========================================================

Brin, David, “The Dogma of Otherness,” Analog Science
Fiction/Science Fact, April 1986.

Dawkins, Richard, The Selfish Gene. New York: Oxford
University Press, 1976.

Gazzaniga, Michael, The Social Brain.

Hofstadter, Douglas R., Metamagical Themas: Questing
for the Essence of Mind and Pattern. New York: Basic
Books, 1985; New York: Bantam Books, 1986. Chapter 3,
“On Viral Sentences and Self-Replicating Structures.”

Henson, Keith, “Memetics: The Science of Information
Viruses,” Analog Science Fiction/Science Fact, August
1987; reprinted in Whole Earth Review, Winter 1987.

Minsky, Marvin, The Society of Mind. New York: Simon
and Schuster, 1985, 1986.

Monod, Jacques, Chance and Necessity: An essay on the
natural philosophy of modern biology. Translated by
Austryn Wainhouse. New York: Vintage Books, i971.

Pearson, Michael, The Sealed Train: Lenin’s Eight Month
Journey From Exile to Power. New York: G. P. Putnam’s
Sons, 1975.

Medicine And The Human Machine: A Medical History

Chapter 9

MEDICINE AND THE HUMAN MACHINE

A Medical History

In ancient Japan, teeth were extracted by dentists who used
only their fingers.

Hundreds of years ago, Chinese doctors were not paid by their
sick patients, but only by those who they kept healthy.

In the times of Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, people
thought that the liver, not the heart, was the center of emotion.
Now we know that it is not the heart, either.

Before giving up on a patient they couldn’t cure, doctors in
the Middle East used to display that patient in the center of
town, in case a passerby might speak up with a cure.

After reading the books that interested him, Hippocrates (for
whom the Hippocratic oath of medicine is named) supposedly burned
down a library, so that his competitors would not have access to
the same information.

The barber’s pole dates from the time when barbers were also
surgeons. It represents a bandage wrapped around an injured arm.

The Rx sign that pharmacists use was originally the
astrological sign for Jupiter.

While Europeans were dying by the thousands, the Chinese were
using a vaccination against smallpox. They would inhale the
powdered material from the sores of a smallpox victim.

One of the remedies recommended for the Black Plague was to
put the intestines of young pigeons or puppies on the forehead.

A medical curiosity was David Kennison, who was born in 1736
and participated in the Boston Tea Party. At the age of
seventy-six, serving in the War of 1812, he lost a hand to a
gunshot wound. Later, a tree fell on him, and fractured his
skull. Some years later, while training soldiers in the use of a
cannon, something went wrong and an explosion shattered his legs.
He recovered. Yet later, a horse damaged his face. He died
peacefully in 1851 at the age of 115.

Cataract surgery (removal of lens from eye) was first done in
1748. But the first anesthesia wasn’t until 1842!

In 1809, a woman had a twenty-two pound ovarian tumor removed
without anesthesia.

Here is some advice from a book 132 years old: (this is no longer
corsidered correct)

“DROWNING. – Attend to the following essential rules:
– 1. Lose no time. 2. Handle the body gently. 3. Carry
the body with the head gently raised, and never hold it
up by the feet. 4. Send for medical assistance
immediately, and in the meantime act as follows: 1.
Strip the body, rub it dry: then rub it in hot blankets,
and place it in a warm bed in a warm room. 2. Cleanse
away the froth and mucus from the nose and mouth. 3.
Apply warm bricks, bottles, bags of sand, &c. to the
arm-pits, between the thighs and soles of the feet. 4.
Rub the surface of the body with the hands enclosed in
warm dry worsted socks. 5. If possible, put the body
into a warm bath. 6. To restore breathing, put the pipe
of a common bellows into one nostril, carefully closing
the other and the mouth; at the same time drawing
downwards, and pushing gently backwards the upper part
of the windpipe, to allow a more free admission of air;
blow the bellows gently, in order to inflate the lungs,
till the breast be raised a little; then set the mouth
and nostrils free, and press gently on the chest; repeat
this until signs of life appear. When the patient
revives apply smelling-salts to the nose, give warm
wine or brandy and water. Cautions. 1. Never rub the
body with salt or spirits. 2. Never roll the body on
casks. 3. Continue the remedies for twelve hours without
ceasing.”

And from that same old book:

“LEECHES AND THEIR APPLICATION. – The leech used for
medical purposes is called the hirudo Medicinatis, to
distinguish it from other varieties, such as the
horse-leech and the Lisbon leech. It varies from two to
four inches in length, and is of a blackish brown
colour, marked on the back with six yellow spots, and
edged with a fellow line on each side. Formerly leeches
were supplied by Sweden but latterly most of the leeches
are procured from France, where they are now becoming
scarce.
When leeches are applied to a part, it should be
thoroughly freed from down or hair by shaving, and all
liniments, &c., carefully and effectually cleaned away
by washing. If the leech is hungry it will soon bite,
but sometimes great difficulty is experienced in getting
them to fasten on. When this is the case, roll the leech
into a little porter, or moisten the surface with a
little blood, or milk, or sugar and water, Leeches may
be applied by holding them over the port with a piece of
linen cloth or by means of an inverted glass, under
which they must be placed.
When applied to the gums, care should be taken to
us a a leech glass, as they are apt to creep down the
patient’s throat; a large swan’s quill will answer the
purpose of a leech glass. When leeches are gorged they
will drop off themselves; never tear them off from a
person., but just dip the point of a moistened finger
into some salt and touch them with it.
Leeches are supposed to abstract about two drachms
of blood, or six leeches draw about an ounce; but this
is independent of the bleeding after they have come off,
and more blood generally flows then than during the time
they are sucking.”

One hundred years ago (1890), in Connecticut, Idaho, North
Carolina, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia, it was legal
to practice medicine with no training whatsoever. Texas, however,
required a high school diploma.

Surgeons used to have to operate quickly, before the patients
died of extreme pain or blood loss. Robert Liston worked so fast
that one day he accidentally cut off his nurse’s fingers. It is
not known whether the rest of the operation was a success.

As late as 34 years after the public introduction of
anesthesia, some doctors refused to use it. Some said that the
shock of pain is a necessary ingredient to recovery. Others were
afraid, because some preachers said that anesthesia was the work
of the devil.

Most people don’t realize that Charles Lindbergh was a
pioneer in medical technology. He worked on an early heart-lung
machine.

The flu mutated into a killer in 1918 and killed 20 million
people. Over half a million Americans died.

In 1976, doctors in Los Angeles went on strike because of the
rising cost of malpractice insurance. All elective and
non-emergency surgery and medical attention were canceled. During
that time, eighteen percent less people died than usual.

From all our exposure to unnecessary penicillin through
medication as well as through treatment of cattle and pork,
life-threatening bacteria have grown resistant to our number-one
line of defense. In 1960, 13% of staphylococci infections were
resistant to penicillin. Now, 91% are resistant to penicillin.

There were 1,647 heart transplants in 1988. There were 1,700
liver transplants in 1988.

In the future people will be able to regrow missing arms or
legs like a salamander can grow a new tail. Research has shown
promising results in getting bone to grow with the application of
electricity. Children under age five who lose the tip of a finger
up to half-way to the outermost joint, if left untreated, the
finger will completely regrow. If medical attention is applied,
stitches for example, the child’s finger will not regrow.

In Tibet, monks occasionally performed brain surgery
successfully. They would bore a hole through a person’s forehead
and insert a tube into their pineal gland, at the bottom of their
brain. This was to induce a “mystical state of consciousness.”

Medical Miscellaneous

Dr. James Muatt lived to the age of 120 and spent 95 years in
the practice of medicine.

Two of every five Americans have never been to a dentist.

Modern Medicine

One out of every eight Americans will spend some time as a
patient in a hospital this year.

There is a phenomenon called noscomial disease. It means
coming to a hospital for some reason, and catching another disease
while in the hospital. Hospitals are not healthy places. One out
of every 21 Americans admitted will catch something else merely
from being in the hospital. Every year, 15,000 Americans die of
something other than what they were admitted for.

Of all the people who work in hospitals, only 1.78% are
doctors. 17.27% are clerical workers. So there are nine times more
people involved with the paperwork, than those involved in the
actual work!

An average person in America who is over 65 years old takes
between ten and twenty prescription pills every day.

A woman started showing a bunch of general symptoms that
doctors could not diagnose. She went from one doctor to another.
One recommended that she have her uterus removed. Finally, her
problem was relieved by a dentist. He discovered she was
suffering mercury poisoning from her fillings. He removed the
fillings and substituted another material.

EEG and EKG machines are not perfect. In one study EKG
machines indicated a heart problem in healthy people 20% of the
time. Sometimes in a room with more than one EKG, one machine
will read the electrical leaks of another. In another study a
researcher hooked up an EEG to a mannequin whose head was filled
with lime jello and the EEG found signs of life.

The average doctor goes to medical school for four years, yet
gets only two and a half hours of education on nutrition as it
applies to preventive medicine or curative medicine.

16 out of every 100 doctors will be sued this year.

A sociologist did a study that turned up some mortifying
results. It seems that the people who work in hospital emergency
rooms are more likely to administer resuscitation attempts on
patients who are brought in dead on arrival who are good looking,
than on those patients who are uglier.

Anyone who thinks Western medicine is a joke should realize
that in Guinea, where modern medicine is not practiced, over 75%
of the people die before the age of 50.

Surgery

Theoretically, a human can survive without the stomach, most
of the intestines, one kidney, 3/4 of the liver, and one lung.
Furthermore, the legs and arms and sex organs can be removed
successfully. Don’t try this at home.

A Case of Do-it-Yourself Surgery
In the 1600’s a locksmith was suffering from bladder stones.
Being a locksmith, he was used to logical repairs to problems. He
took matters into his own hands, and removed his own bladder stone
with a kitchen knife.

In Kenya, African fire ants are what doctors use to close
surgical wounds in place of sutures. The ant is induced to bite
the two sides of the wound with its mandibles, and hang on.

The longest operation on record took 96 hours. During
February 4 – 8, 1951, surgeons in Michigan removed an ovarian cyst
from a woman. When they were done, she weighed 308 lbs less.

Joseph Ascough who was born in 1935 holds the record for the
most major operations. He has had 327 surgeries for warts in his
windpipe.

Sometimes doctors make mistakes that are like simple
bookkeeping errors. Surgeons once removed a kidney from a man who
had a kidney tumor. The problem was that they removed the good
kidney. And they have been known to saw the wrong leg off an
amputee.

Sometimes surgeons take an organ totally out of a person,
overhaul it on a workbench, like a car mechanic working on a power
steering unit, then re-install it. This is done most often with
kidneys to remove difficult tumors.

Want to improve your vision without using glasses or contact
lenses. Here’s what you do: 1. Get a donated cornea. 2. Cool it
to -70 degrees. 3. Fasten it on a lathe and trim it to the proper
shape to refocus light. 4. Stitch it on over your present cornea.
– Or have an eye surgeon do it for you. This new technique is now
in frequent use.

One out of every 243 Americans will have plastic surgery this
year.

There is a new twist in plastic surgery. Surgeons can take a
bone from your body, smash it into paste, then mold it like clay
into a new shape and replace it. This has been done with one
seven-year-old boy whose skull was misshapen. They removed the
whole top of his head, pulverized it, then re-formed it and put it
back on. The headache the boy suffered was less than the ones he
was otherwise doomed to due to the previous shape of his head.
Perhaps surgeons of the future should be encouraged to play with
Play-Doh when they are growing up.

Birth

Scientists are working on the possibility of removing a dying
woman’s ovaries and save the eggs so that the woman can still have
children, even after she is dead.

If you split a human embryo when it is less than a week old,
identical twins will develop. This is already done with cattle.

Fetuses have gills.

One out of every 88 births is twins.

One out of every 512,000 births is quadruplets.

One out of every 16 children are born with defects. Most of
these are minor, such as the babies born with tails. When a baby
is born with a tail, the doctors cut it off right away. Most
people do not know if they had a tail.

“Ten years ago 80% of underweight, premature babies died,
while today 80% survive.” – Allan Maurer

“If you’re pregnant, you go to the doctor and he treats you
as if you’re sick. Childbirth is a nine-month disease which must
be treated, so you’re sold on intravenous fluid bags, fetal
monitors, a host of drugs, the totally unnecessary episiotomy, and
– the top of the line product – the Caesarean delivery!” – Dr.
Robert S. Mendelsohn, from his book, Confessions of a Medical
Heretic

The infant mortality rate in Canada is 25 percent lower than
in America.

In 1793, in France a true cyclops was born. She was a girl
who lived to fifteen years old. She had a single eye in the middle
of her face.

In Finland babies were born in saunas until the 1920’s. The
babies probably were more comfortable arriving in a dark, warm
room than in a bright, cold hospital room.

Suggestions Of Undestanding Measure

ษอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออหออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออป
บ Linear Measure บ Liquid Measure บ
บ ฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤ บ ฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤ บ
บ 12 inches = 1 foot บ 4 gills = 1 pint บ
บ 3 feet = 1 yard บ 2 pints = 1 quart บ
บ 5.5 yards = 1 rod บ 4 quarts = 1 gallon บ
บ 40 rods = 1 furlong บ 31.5 gallons = 1 barrel บ
บ 8 furlongs = 1 stat.mile บ 2 barrels = 1 hogshead บ
ฬอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออฮออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออน
บ Mariner’s Measure บ Dry Measure บ
บ ฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤ บ ฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤ บ
บ 6 feet = 1 fathom บ 2 pints = 1 quart บ
บ 1000 fathoms = 1 naut.mile บ 8 quarts = 1 peck บ
บ 3 naut.miles = 1 league บ 4 pecks = 1 bushel บ
ฬอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออฮออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออน
บ Square Measure บ Apothecaries Measure บ
บ ฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤ บ ฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤฤ บ
บ 144 sq. inches = 1 sq. ft. บ 60 minims = 1 fluid dram บ
บ 9 sq. feet = 1 sq. yd. บ 8 fluid drams = 1 fluid ounce บ
บ 30.25 sq. yards = 1 sq. rd. บ 16 fluid ounces = 1 pint บ
บ 160 sq. rods = 1 acre บ 2 pints = 1 quart บ
บ 640 acres = 1 sq. mile บ 4 quarts = 1 gallon บ
ศอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออสออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออผ

How To Build A Maze

HOW TO BUILD A MAZE

David Matuszek
Department of Computer Science
8 Ayres Hall
University of Tennessee
Knoxville TN 37916

Taken from Byte’s December 1981, page 190 (I only typed a
part of the article).

ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД

Mazes are fun to solve. With a little imagination,
mazes can be incorporated into many different computer
games. If you know how, it’s a simple matter to use the
computer to generate random mazes.
A traditional maze has one starting point and one
finishing point. In addition, all locations inside the maze
are reachable from the start, and there is one and only path
from start to finish. While it is easy to place doorways and
barriers randomly inside a maze, it is more difficult to
satisfy the two later constraints. This article describes a
fairly simple method that efficiently produces a random
traditional maze.

THE GENERAL APPROACH
We begin with a rectangular array. Each cell of the
array is initially completely “walled in,” isolated from
its neighbors (see figure 1).

ЙННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННН» Secondly, we
є ЪВВВВВї FIGURE 1 є judiciously erase
є ГЕЕЕЕЕґ є walls inside the
є ГЕЕЕЕЕґ The initial array from є array until we
є ГЕЕЕЕЕґ which the maze will be є arrive at a
є ГЕЕЕЕЕґ constructed. є structure with the
є ГЕЕЕЕЕґ є following property:
є АБББББЩ є for ANY two cells
ИНННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННј of the array, there
is only one path between them. Thus, any cell can be reached
from any cell, but only by a single unique (see figure 2).
Computer science jargon refers to such a structure as a
SPANNING TREE, and it is the creation of this spanning tree
that is the tricky pary of building a maze.

ЙННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННН» Finally, the
є ЪДВДВДї FIGURE 2 є of the maze is
є ГїііГїі є broken in to
є і іАЩіі One possible spanning є provide a start and
є ГД ЪД і tree for the array in є a finish position.
є іЪДґ Ъґ figure 1. є Since there is a
є іАДЕДіі є unique path between
є АДДБДДЩ є any two cells of the
ИНННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННј maze, there will be
a unique path from start to finish. Hence, start and finish
can be chosen in any convenient manner, say, random
locations on the opposite sides of the maze (see figure 3).

ЙННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННН» BUILDING THE
є ЪДВДВДї FIGURE 3 є SPANNING TREE
є АїііГїі є starting with a
є іАЩіі The spanning tree from є fully “walled-up”
є ГД ЪД і figure 2 with possible є array (see figue 1),
є іЪ і Ъґ entry and exit points є pick a single cell
є іАДЕДіі added. є in the array and
є АДДБДД є call this cell the
ИНННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННННј spanning tree. Then
add cells one at a time to the spanning tree until it fills
the entire array.
At any point during this procedure, there will be three
types of cells in the array:

o those that are already in the spanning tree.
o those that are not in the spanning tree, but are
immediatly adjacent (horizontally or vertically) to some
cell in the spanning tree (we call there cells FRONTIER
CELLS)
o all other cells

The algorithm follows:

1. Choose any cell of the array and call it the spanning
tree. The four cells immediatly adjacent to it (fewer if it
is on an edge or in a corner) thus become frontier cells.
2. Randomly choose a frontier cell and connect it to ONE
cell of the current spanning tree by erasing ONE barrier. If
it is adjacent to more than one cell of the spanning tree
(and it could be adjacent to as many as four!), randomly
choose one of them to connect it to, and erase the
appropriate barrier.
3. Check the cells adjacent to the cell just added to the
spanning tree. Any such cells that are not part of the
spanning tree and have not previously been marked as
frontier cells are now marked as frontier cells.
4. If any frontier cells remain, back to step 2.
5. Choose start and finish points.

The article goes on, but I won’t. This part is enought to
show how to build a maze.

A Collection Of Information About Maine Coon Cats (May, 1994)

AUTHOR(S)

The sections on History, Characteristics, Description, Breed
Associations, and the first paragraph of References is courtesy of the
Maine Coon Breeders and Fanciers Association from their flyer “The
Maine Coon – America’s Native Longhair”.

Other Authors and editors: Laura Cunningham, Jean Marie Diaz,
JoAnne Genovese, Valerie Johnston, Dave Libershal, Orca Starbuck,
Betsy Tinney, and Eric Williams.

Originally written: May 1994
Last modified:

HISTORY

One of the oldest natural breeds in North American, the Maine Coon is
generally regarded as a native of the state of Maine (in fact, the
Maine Coon is the official Maine State Cat). A number of attractive
legends surround its origin. A wide-spread (though biologically
impossible) belief is that it originated from matings between
semi-wild, domestic cats and raccoons. This myth, bolstered by the
bushy tail and the most common coloring (a raccoon-like brown tabby)
led to the adoption of the name ‘Maine Coon.’ (Originally, only brown
tabbies were called ‘Maine Coon Cats;’ cats of other colors were
referred to as ‘Maine Shags.’) Another popular theory is that the
Maine sprang from the six pet cats which Marie Antoinette sent to
Wiscasset, Maine when she was planning to escape from France during
the French Revolution. Most breeders today believe that the breed
originated in matings between preexisting shorthaired domestic cats
and overseas longhairs (perhaps Angora types introduced by New England
seaman, or longhairs brought to America by the Vikings).

First recorded in cat literature in 1861 with a mention of a black and
white cat named ‘Captain Jenks of the Horse Marines,’ Maine Coons were
popular competitors at early cat shows in Boston and New York. A
brown tabby female named ‘Cosie’ won Best Cat at the 1895 Madison
Square Garden Show.

Unfortunately, their popularity as show cats declined with the arrival
in 1900 of the more flamboyant Persians. Although the Maine Coon
remained a favorite cat in New England, the breed did not begin to
regain its former widespread popularity until the 1950’s when more and
more cat fanciers began to take notice of them, show them, and record
their pedigrees. In 1968, six breeders formed the Maine Coon Breeders
and Fanciers Association (MCBFA) to preserve and protect the breed.
Today, MCBFA membership numbers over 1000 fanciers and 200 breeders.
By 1980, all registries had recognized the Maine Coon, and it was well
on its way to regaining its former glory.

Maine Coons were well established more than a century ago as a hardy,
handsome breed of domestic cat, well equipped to survive the hostile
New England winters. Nature is not soft-hearted. It selects the
biggest, the brightest, the best fighters, and the best hunters to
breed successive generations. Since planned breedings of Maine Coons
are relatively recent, these cats still have their strong, natural
qualities. Maine Coons are basically healthy, disease-resistant,
rugged cats. Interestingly, the breed closest to the Maine Coon is
the Norwegian Forest Cat which, although geographically distant,
evolved in much the same climate, and lends credence to the theory
that some of the cats responsible for developing the Maine Coon were
brought over by the Vikings.

CHARACTERISTICS

Everything about the Maine Coon points to its adaptation to a harsh
climate. Its glossy coat, heavy and water-resistant, is like that of
no other breed, and must be felt to be appreciated. It is longer on
the ruff, stomach and britches to protect against wet and snow, and
shorter on the back and neck to guard against tangling in the
underbrush. The coat falls smoothly, and is almost maintenance-free
— a weekly combing is all that is usually required to keep it in top
condition. The long, bushy tail which the cat wraps around himself
when he curls up to sleep can protect him from cold winters. His ears
are more heavily furred (both inside and on the tips) than many breeds
for protection from the cold, and have a large range of movement.
Big, round, tufted feet serve as ‘snow shoes.’ Their large eyes and
ears are also survival traits, serving as they do increase sight and
hearing. The relatively long, square muzzle facilitates grasping prey
and lapping water from streams and puddles.

Although the Yankee myth of 30-pound cats is just that, a myth (unless
the cat is grossly overweight!), these are indeed tall, muscular,
big-boned cats; males commonly reach 13 to 18 pounds, with females
normally weighing about 9 to 12 pounds. Add to that two or dthree
inches of winter coat, and people will swear that they’re looking at
one big cat.

Maine Coons develop slowly, and don’t achieve their full size until
they are three to five years old. Their dispositions remain kittenish
throughout their lives; they are big, gentle, good-natured goofs.
Even their voices set them apart from other cats; they have a
distinctive, chirping trill which they use for everything from
courting to cajoling their people into playing with them. (Maine Coons
love to play, and most will joyfully retrieve small items.) They
rarely meow, and when they do, that soft, tiny voice doesn’t fit their
size!

TEMPERAMENT

While Maine Coons are highly people-oriented cats, they are not
overly-dependent. They do not constantly pester you for attention,
but prefer to “hang out” with their owners, investigating whatever
activity you’re involved in and “helping” when they can. They are
not, as a general rule, known as “lap cats” but as with any
personality trait there are a few Maine Coons that prefer laps. Most
Maine Coons will stay close by, probably occupying the chair next to
yours instead. Maines will follow you from room to room and wait
outside a closed door for you to emerge. A Maine Coon will be your
companion, your buddy, your pal, but hardly ever your baby.

Maine Coons are relaxed and easy-going in just about everything they
do. The males tend to be the clowns while the females retain more
dignity, but both remain playful throughout their lives. They
generally get along well with kids and dogs, as well as other cats.
They are not as vertically-oriented as some other breeds, prefering to
chase objects on the ground and grasping them in their large paws —
no doubt instincts developed as professional mousers. Many Maine
Coons will play “fetch” with their owners.

DESCRIPTION

The important features of the Maine Coon are the head and body shape,
and the texture and ‘shag’ of the coat. The head is slightly longer
than it is wide, presenting a gently concave profile with high
cheekbones and ears that are large, wide at the base, moderately
pointed, and well tufted inside. They are set well up on the head,
approximately an ear’s width apart. Lynx-like tufting on the top of
the ears is desirable. The neck should be medium-long, the torso long,
and the chest broad. The tail should be at least as long as the torso.
One of their most distinctive features is their eyes, which are large,
round, expressive, and set a a slightly oblique angle. Overall, the
Maine Coon should present the appearance of a well-balanced,
rectangular cat.

Throughout their history there has been no restriction on the patterns
and colors acceptable, with the exception of the pointed Siamese
pattern. As a result, a wide range of colors and patterns are bred.
Eye colors for all coat colors range through green, gold, and
green-gold. Blue eyes and odd eyes, (one blue and one gold eye) are
permissible in white cats. There is no requirement in the Maine Coon
Standard of Perfection for particular combinations of coat color and
eye color.

Many people consider Maine Coons the perfect domestic pets, with their
clown-like personalities, affectionate natures, amusing habits and
tricks, willingness to ‘help’ with any activity, and easily groomed
coats. They make excellent companions for large, active families that
also enjoy having dogs and other animals around. Their hardiness and
ease of kittening make them a satisfying first breed for the novice
breeder. For owners wishing to show, the Maine Coon has reclaimed its
original glory in the show ring. Welcome a Maine Coon into your home,
and you will join the thousands who sing the praises of this handsome
and lovable cat!

BREED ASSOCIATION

If you would like to join the Maine Coon Breeders and Fanciers
Association and receive the quarterly magazine, The Scratch Sheet,
please send dues of $10.00 to the MCBFA Treasurer, Sue Servies, P.O.
Box 791, Pacific Grove, CA 93950.

If you are actively breeding Maine Coons, you may join the Breeder
Division for $25.00 (includes subscription to The Scratch Sheet and a
copy of MCBFA’s book on caring for and breeding your Maine Coon cats).
For information, please contact the Provisional Breeder Member
Secretary, Darlene Ruhle, at 2721 Aspen Circle, Norman, OK 73072;
405-447-8907.

REFERENCES

MCBFA also publishes two excellent books relating to the Maine Coon:
Caring For, Breeding, and Showing Your Maine Coon Cat and Genetics For
The Maine Coon Cat Breeder. These books are available for $7.00 each
(includes shipping and handling) from the editor, Trish Simpson, 13283
Deron Avenue, San Diego, CA 92129. (Please make check or money order
in U.S. funds payable to MCBFA.)

The best book about Maine Coons is probably THAT YANKEE CAT, THE MAINE
COON by Marilis Hornidge. It is available from The Harpswell Press,
132 Water Street, Gardiner, Maine 04345. The cost is about $12.95 plus
shipping if ordered from the publisher. ISBN: 0-88448-088-7. Lots of
breed stories and history, good sections on genetics and home medical
care. The pictures are plentiful.

The other Maine Coon book is THIS IS THE MAINE COON CAT by Sharyn P.
Bass. Contact T.F.H. Publications, Inc., 211 West Sylvania Ave.,
Neptune City, NJ 07753. ISBN 0-87666-867-8. It has a 1983 copyright.
This book is more oriented to showing and breeding Maine Coons. Less
history than in the other book but some color pictures. Show
information is geared towards CFA and generally useful but some stuff
is out of date. Good sections on pet care and medical advice. A good
chapter on birthing but no genetics.

CARE AND TRAINING

Most breeders recommend a high-quality dry food. Most cats can free
feed without becoming overweight. Middle-aged cats (5-10) are most
likely to have weight problems which can usually be controlled by
switching to a low-calorie food. Many Maine Coons love water. Keep a
good supply of clean, fresh water available at all times.

Most Maine Coons can be trained to accept a leash. Maine Coons are
creatures of habit and they train easily if they associate the
activity with something they want (they train humans easily too!).

SPECIAL MEDICAL PROBLEMS

Individuals within any breed are fairly closely related, and have
many characteristics in common. This includes genetic strengths
and weaknesses. Certain genetic health disorders may be more or
less of a problem in a particular breed than in other breeds. For
example, a breed may have a slightly higher incidence of gum disease
than the cat population as a whole, but have a lower incidence of
heart disease or liver disease.

Genetic problems generally only affect a tiny minority of the breed
as a whole, but since they can be eradicated by careful screening,
most reputable breeders try to track such problems, both in their
breeding stock and the kittens they produce. By working with a
responsible breeder who will speak openly about health issues, you
are encouraging sound breeding practices.

In the Maine Coon, the most common inherited health problems are hip
dysplasia, which can produce lameness in a severely affected cat, and
cardiomyopathy, which can produce anything from a minor heart murmur to
severe heart trouble. Any breeder you talk to should be willing to
discuss whether they’ve had any problems with these diseases in their
breeding stock, or in kittens they’ve produced; how much screening
they’re doing, and why.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

“How big do they get?”

A full-grown female typically weighs between 9-12 pounds and males
tend to be in the 13 to 18 pound range.

“Do they need much grooming?”

Maine Coons do not need much grooming and a weekly combing is all
that is usually required to keep the coat in top condition.

“But I thought Maine Coons had extra toes…?”

Some “original” Maine Coons may have been polydactls (had extra toes).
However, modern purebred Maine Coons are rarely, if ever, polydactlys.
This is because all cat associations automatically disqualify
polydactyls from competition in the purebred classes. Because of this,
most polydactyls were culled from the Maine Coon breed decades
ago. Since the polydactyl gene is dominant, you can’t get a polydactyl
kitten unless at least one of the parents is also a polydactyl.

“I think my cat is part Maine Coon. How do I tell?”

The Maine Coon is America’s native longhair cat; it evolved naturally
in response to the North American climate. Your cat’s ancestors are
probably similar to the cats that ended up becoming the foundation of
the Maine Coon breed.

“Is that a Maine Coon? I thought all Maine Coons were brown.”

Maine Coons come in a wide variety of color combinations. The only
colors you won’t find are the Siamese-type colors.

RECOGNIZED

American Cat Association (ACA)
American Cat Fanciers Association (ACFA)
Canadian Cat Association (CCA)
Cat Fanciers’ Association (CFA)
Cat Fanciers’ Federation (CFF)
Deutsche Rassekatzen Union (DRU)
Governing Council of the Cat Fancy (GCCF)
The International Cat Association (TICA)

BREED STANDARDS

TICA CFA

Head . . . . . . . . . . 30pts Head . . . . . . . . . . 30pts
Shape . . . . . . 10 Shape . . . . . . 15
Muzzle & Chin . . 5 Ears . . . . . . 10
Profile . . . . . 3 Eyes . . . . . . 5
Cheek bones . . . 2

Eyes . . . . . . . . . . 5pts
Size & shape . . . 3
Placement . . . . 2

Ears . . . . . . . . . . 10pts
Size & shape . . . . 5
Placement . . . . . 3
Furnishing/Lynx tips 2

Body . . . . . . . . . . 20pts Body . . . . . . . . . . 20pts
Size & shape . . . 10 Shape . . . . . . 20
Boning . . . . . . 5 Neck . . . . . . . 5
Musculature . . . 3 Legs & Feet . . . 5
Neck . . . . . . . 2 Tail . . . . . . . 5

Legs & Feet . . . . . . 10pts

Tail . . . . . . . . . . 10pts

Coat . . . . . . . . . . 20pts Coat . . . . . . . . . . 20pts
Length . . . . . . 10
Texture . . . . . 8
Density . . . . . 2

Color . . . . . . . . . 5pts Color . . . . . . . . . 15pts
Body Color . . . . 10
Eye Color . . . . 5

ACFA

Head . . . . . . . . . . 35 pts
Shape . . . . . . 10
Profile . . . . . 10
Ears . . . . . . . 10
Eyes . . . . . . . 5

Body . . . . . . . . . . 35 pts
Shape . . . . . . 15
Legs/Feet . . . . 10
Tail . . . . . . . 10

Coat . . . . . . . . . . 20 pts
Length . . . . . . 10
Texture . . . . . 10

Coat Color . . . . . . . 10 pts

Penalize/Disqualify: short or overall even coat, light or delicate
boning, undershot chin, buttons, lockets, or spots, kinked tail, and
extra toes.

BREEDERS

There are many Maine Coon breeders throughout the U.S. and Canada. The
breeders sections of Cats and Cat Fancy magazines list many breeders.
Some breeders have waiting lists for their kittens and may refer you
to another breeder if they are not able to help you. Breeders who are
members of the Maine Coon Breeders and Fanciers Association agree to a
specific code of breeder ethics. The MCBFA maintains a list of
breeder members.

The Tragic Tale Of Old MacDonald’s Farm, A Personnel Saga By A. Mouse

THE TRAGIC TALE OF OLD MacDONALD’S FARM

A Personnel Saga
by A. Mouse, Non-E (1 ea.)
(as told to L. D. Manning)

Once upon a time a Personnel Officer retired and, with the
University’s moderate pension plan, bought a Farm and moved his Family (Wife,
household duties preferred, and Daughter, in-progress Education preferred) to
the country to taste rural life. Old MacDonald (for that was his name)
promptly bought livestock, labelled them appropriately according to their Job
Descriptions, and recorded them all in a notebook, listing Job Title, Job
Description, Estimated Annual Salary (Base, Full-time rate, nearest whole
dollar amount), and preferred Job Qualifications.

In addition, Old MacDonald planted crops, all appropriately labelled, (Celery,
green, average stalk length 12″, annual), and settled down to enjoy his
retirement.

One day a young man visited the Farm and introduced himself as the County Agent
(Agent, Agricultural products, governmental). Old MacDonald gladly showed the
young man around the Farm, displaying his handiwork. “This is my Annual
Celery,” he proudly announced, as they approached the garden.

“Annual Celery?” the young man muttered.

“Yes, and this is my Bovine Animal; four-legged, tan-and-white spotted,
preferred.”

“But that’s a Guernsey milk cow!” The young man obviously seemed distressed
about something, but Old MacDonald couldn’t understand what it could be.

“And this is my Cow; large size, hump and brown color preferred.”

The young man had turned a peculiar color, but all he said was, “A Brahma bull!
I wonder how he got the sign around his neck.”

The young man also seemed peculiarly distressed upon seeing that the Rooster
was penned alone, with his beak taped shut, even after Old MacDonald explained
that he had had to resort to these measures because the Rooster had been
putting in unauthorized overtime in the hen house, and crowing at dawn. He
simply WOULD NOT keep the required 8 to 5 hours (lunch from 12 noon to 1 pm
only).

The tour of the farm was soon over. Old MacDonald did not understand the young
man’s attitude. His records were immaculate. Every animal exactly fit its Job
Description, and each one was correctly Titled and Labelled with a neat sign
hung around its neck.

Soon afterwards, Old MacDonald decided that now that the Farm records were in
order, he should do the same to the personnel in his household. He, of course,
was Personnel Officer. His wife, however, had been doing many different chores
which were not in her Job Description. This, of course, would NOT DO. He
promptly notified her that she would henceforth be Procurement Officer and
would be in charge of buying and selling all items on the farm. Since his Wife
was not thrilled at the added duties in her already busy schedule, Old
MacDonald promised that she could keep all monies made on butter and eggs.

That very afternoon a young man came to the farm asking to buy a milk cow. He
had talked to the County Agent and had learned that Old MacDonald had one. His
wife had just had twin girls and they needed the milk badly. Old MacDonald
assured him that he had no Milk Cow. He had a Cow, a Bovine Animal, and a
Calf, but no Milk Cow. This young man turned a peculiar color also. (What
were young men coming to these days?) “But that IS a milk cow!” The young man
pointed to the Bovine Animal.

“Oh, no. That is a Bovine Animal. The fact that she gives milk is immaterial.
She was hired as a Bovine Animal. She has had no Experience at being a Milk
Cow.”

“Well, I’ll buy her anyway. I need the milk. How much do you want for her?”

“Oh, I couldn’t let this poor creature apply for the Job Title of Milk Cow. As
I have said, she has had not Experience in the field. She could, of course, be
Reclassified, but that will take some time.”

“What do I have to do to have her reclassified?” The young man was not taking
this at all well. He looked ill.

“Well, you would have to submit a request in quintuplicate to the Personnel
Officer (that’s me), then fill out a questionnaire listing (1) why the current
Job Title does not currently suit the duties of the Job Holder, (2) why the
needs of the Employer have changed with respect to the said Job Title, (3) why
this Job Holder was not hired at the new Job Title in the original request when
s/he was originally hired, and (4) what qualifications and/or Experience
qualify this candidate for the new Job Title. Then I will, of course, review
your case, and objectively come to a decision. I am, of course, an Equal
Opportunity Employer, and belong to EIEIO — the Equality In Employment for
Interstate Opportunities Commission.”

“How long will that take?”

“Oh, about three weeks. Of course, I am rather busy right now — harvest time
coming up and all (all those new plants to Title and Label!) — so it could
take longer than that.”

The young man gave up and bought a milk cow (generic, no Job Title) from Farmer
Jones next door.

That evening, Old MacDonald happily returned home to the Procurement Officer
and his Daughter, secure in the knowledge that all of his Farmyard Staff and
his Family were appropriately Titled and Labelled. He was somewhat surprised
to note upon his return, however, that the house was a mess and there was no
dinner waiting for him when he arrived.

“Wife,” he complained. “Why are you not performing your Wifely duties? I am
hungry, and for the first time in 32 years, this house is a mess. What is wrong
with you? Are you ill?”

“I see that you are looking in my direction when you ask these questions, but I
am the Procurement Officer, not a Wife,” replied his (former) Wife. “My Job
Description does not include household duties.”

“Hmmm. That is true.” Old MacDonald had not planned on this problem. “Well, I
will simply give you back your old Title as well.”

“Oh, no.” The Procurement Officer was adamant. “Only one Job Title per
employee.”

Yes, of course. How could he have forgotten after so many years?

“Well, then, I will give you back your old Title and do the Purchasing and
Vouchering myself.”

“Oh, no. I make more money as a Procurement Officer than I did as a Wife.
That would be a Demotion (A Very Serious Matter). Besides, I am not allowed to
change Job Titles within the Farm for six months after I have once changed Job
Titles. No. I am Procurement Officer, and that is that.”

Old MacDonald couldn’t argue with that logic, so he fixed himself an Old
MacDonald’s hamburger and went to bed.

The next day Mr. Jones of the neighboring farm came by and asked to see the
Personnel List. Old MacDonald was only happy to oblige, since all of his
records were open to the Public. Mr. Jones noted a “Bovine Animal,” a “Calf,” a
“Cow,” and a “Moo-Moo.” He then politely inquired as to which of the Job
Titles on the Personnel List had represented Positions which had actually been
filled, and asked to see the Job Descriptions of those Jobs. When Old
MacDonald happily obliged, he asked to interview two of the individuals
involved, and, after a short while in the pasture, he requested that Old
MacDonald sell him the Bovine Animal, since, as he pointed out, he had need of
just such a Job Holder to inhabit one of his barns. Old MacDonald was pleased
to oblige and offered to deliver the animal to Farmer Jones’ Dairy Farm next
door that very afternoon.

Everything was soon concluded satisfactorily. (The Bovine Animal was
especially happy, since she had not been milked for several weeks, being, of
course, a Bovine Animal and not a Milk Cow.)

During his trip to the Dairy to deliver the Bovine Animal, Old MacDonald
noticed that the Milk Cows at the Dairy were giving milk. Moreover, most of
them had Calves. Old MacDonald calculated rapidly and decided to employ a Milk
Cow on his own Farm. He asked Farmer Jones how much Annual Salary (Full-time,
Base Rate) a Milk Cow should earn.

“Oh, my animals have no Job Titles,” replied Farmer Jones. “They are
commodities. I could sell you one if you like. In fact, I could sell you this
one that I just bought from you — at a small profit, of course.”

Old MacDonald promptly went back to the Procurement Officer and requested that
she buy the milk cow from Farmer Jones. The Procurement Officer gave him forms
to fill out. He obliged, but she still seemed to see difficulties in the
transaction.

“You cannot sole source an item unless the vendor is the only source from which
the equivalent item can be bought. You then need a letter explaining (1) why
this vendor is the only source for this needed item, and (2) why the
specifications of the said item are necessary for your farm work.”

“But I bought grain last week from The Speedy Seed Company, using a sole source
Purchase Order, and you did not say anything then.”

“That was a Chemical, food additive. You already had a letter on file for this
type of purchase.”

“Besides, this is only $250.00. Couldn’t we make an exception for just one
penny?”

“No exceptions.”

Old MacDonald didn’t see how he could justify the specifications of a cow to be
bought as “sole source” under these rules, so he asked how else he might be
able to purchase the item.

“You must get three bids,” the Procurement Officer said.

So Old MacDonald called three farms and got three bids on a milk cow. Mr.
Smith’s cow was two dollars cheaper. The Procurement Officer informed Old
MacDonald that he would have to buy the cheaper product. It was a Farm Law.

“But I want a Guernsey cow, because they give richer milk,” said Old MacDonald.

“You cannot purchase solely on the basis of Brand Names,” returned the
Procurement Officer. “You must get three bids, based on Qualifications of
Equivalent Items; as, for example, size, equipment, and function.”

So Old MacDonald got three more bids. This time he specified “Cow, medium
size, having one udder with at least four faucet-like devices hanging from it.”
This seemed to satisfy the Procurement Officer, since neither of the other two
farms he called had that exact type of item, and each one put in a “No Bid.”

Soon, however, the Procurement Officer called Old MacDonald back and declared,
“We cannot buy this item from Farmer Jones. ‘Cows, medium size, having one
udder with at least four faucet-like devices hanging from it’ are on Farm
Contract with Farmer Smith. You will have to buy one of his.”

“But his are Herefords and nearly eight years old! And two of them limp!” Old
MacDonald was beginning to shout.

“Well, you cannot specify according to age, race, sex, color, or handicapped
condition. (We are members of the Equality In Expenses for Investment
Opportunities Division of the Equality In Expenditures for Interstate
Opportunities Commission — the EIEIO, EIEIO — you know, and cannot
discriminate well.) If you want to buy a different type of animal, you should
have used the correct specification in your Order when you took bids.”

Old MacDonald looked in the Farm Contract Book, wrote his specifications very
carefully, took three more bids, and was finally successful.

Since it had taken him three days to buy back the milk cow that had once been a
Bovine Animal, Old MacDonald was anxious to get the animal as soon as possible.
He offered to pick the animal up himself at Farmer Jones’ Dairy Farm that very
afternoon. When he got there, he realized that he had not put into the
Purchase Order a request for a halter, and since he could not lead the animal
back home without one, he asked Farmer Jones what to do. Farmer Jones
obligingly offered to sell him the halter that had come with the animal for
half of the original retail price if Old MacDonald would take the animal away
at that time and not bother Farmer Jones any more. Old MacDonald agreed and
took the animal back to his Farm.

When he notified the Procurement Officer about the sale, however, she refused
to repay the fee, since reimbursements are not allowed on Farm Accounts, and
since he had not justified buying used equipment in advance. Old MacDonald
told her that this was a Service of Milk Cow transportation, replacement part
from the Vendor who sold the Milk Cow, and she finally agreed to reimburse him
from her butter-and-egg money.

It was shortly after this transaction that Old MacDonald decided he wasn’t cut
out for Farm Life. Too many Rules and Regulations, he decided. So he moved
his Family (Wife and Daughter) back to the City (Urban area, heavily populated)
and became the Director of the Bureau for Bureaucratically Underprivileged
Rurally-Educated Areas’ Urbanization (the Bureau of BUREAUs), and they lived
bureaucratically every after.

UNFORTUNATELY PROBABLY NOT
THE END

Ticks, Lyme Disease And You

Newsgroups: rec.backcountry
From: eugene@amelia.nas.nasa.gov (Eugene N. Miya)
Subject: [l/m 3/23/92] Lyme Disease: Distilled Wisdom (19/28) XYZ
Organization: NAS Program, NASA Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, CA
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 93 12:20:11 GMT
Message-ID:
Reply-To: dmiller@rodan.acs.syr.edu
Lines: 292

Reply-To: dmiller@rodan.acs.syr.edu “Daniel Miller”

TICKS, LYME DISEASE, and YOU

LYME DISEASE

Lyme disease is an illness caused by the spirochete bacteria, _Borellia
burdorferi_, which are transmitted to man and animals by tick bites. Although
not all ticks carry the disease, in some areas as many as 90% of the ticks can
be infected. The disease gets its name from the town of Lyme, Connecticut,
where it was first described in 1975. Many feel if it were not for AIDS, Lyme
disease would be the number one infectious disease threat in the United States
today.

There were an estimated 3200 reported cases of Lyme disease in New York
State in 1989 and an estimated 7000 reported cases nationally. To date 45
states have reported cases. The states of New York, Massachussetts,
Connecticut, Rhode Island, and New Jersey account for the majority of cases.
Cases from other parts of the country have increased significantly during
1989. It is estimated that as many as 50,000 cases have gone unreported or
undiagnosed.

SYMPTOMS AND TREATMENT

In about 60% of the cases, a characteristic rash or lesion called
erythema migrans develops. It begins a few days to a few weeks after the bite
of an infected tick. The rash generally looks like an expanding red ring with
a clear center, but can vary from a reddish blotchy appearance to red
throughout. Sometimes there are two or more lesions. Unfortunately, in those
patients who never get a rash, the dignosis can be difficult. At about the
same time that the rash develops, flu-like symptoms may appear along with
headache, stiff neck, fever, muscle aches and general malaise.

The later complications of Lyme disease are quite severe. Most common
is arthritis, usually of the large joints (e.g., knees, hips, shoulders).
Other complications include meningitis and other neurological problems such as
numbness, tingling and burning sensations in the extremities, severe pain,
loss of concentration, memory loss, confusion, loss of confidence, withdrawal,
depression, fatigue, (often extreme and incapacitating), and Bell’s palsey
(loss of control of one side of the face). Cardiac symptoms include heart
palpitations and irregular heart beat. Shortness of breath, dry mouth, voice
changes, and difficulty swallowing can occur. Eye symptoms include
conjuctivitis, double vision, and loss of vision. Remember, some patients do
not get the rash and progress directly to these later symptoms. Symptoms,
including pain are intermittant and changing, occuring in any combination and
lasting from a few days to several months and possibly years.

It is important to seek medical attention if any of these symptoms
appear, especially after being bitten by a tick or visiting an area where Lyme
disease is common. Timely treatment with antibiotics (within a few days of
symptoms appearing) will increase chances of recovery and may lessen the
severity of any later symptoms. If ignored, the early symptoms may disappear,
but more serious problems can develop months to years later. Chronic Lyme
disease, because of its diverse symptoms, is particularly difficult to
diagnose. Treatment for later stages is more difficult and is often less
successful, sometimes requiring several months of intravenous antibiotic
therapy.

THE DEER TICK

_Ixodes dammini_ is responsible for most of the cases of Lyme disease in
the northeastern and northcentral United States. These ticks are found in
grassy areas (including lawns), and shrubby and woodland habitats, even on
warm winter days. The adult ticks (about the size of a sesame seed) feed
mostly on white-tailed deer but will also attack other mammals including man.
If infected, they can transmit the Lyme disease spirochete to their hosts.
After engorging, adult female ticks drop to the ground to lay several thousand
eggs. The larvae hatch from the eggs and seek hosts, often the white-footed
mouse, from July through September. The larvae are very small and difficult
to spot.

Some of the larvae acquire the Lyme disease spirochete while feeding on
infected hosts. After engorging, the larvae molt into nymphs, which seekhosts
to feed on from April to September. Both the larvaland nymphal stages attach
to a variety of small mammals, white-footed mice being the main reservoir of
th Lyme disease spirochete. Nymphs that were infected as larvae can now
transmit spirochetes to their new host. In fact, it is the nymphal stage that
appearsto be responsible for nearly 90% of the Lyme disease cases in people.
This stage is also very small (about the size of a poppy seed). Their bite is
painless so most people do not know they have been bitten. The nymphs molt
into adult ticks and the process starts all over. The entire life cycle
requires three separate hosts and takes about two years to complete.

Spread primarily by wildlife, infected ticks have been found on 29
species of mammals including deer, mice, rabbits, chipmunks, squirrels,
raccoons, opossum, and fox. Infected ticks have also been found on over 49
different species of birds. Indeed, birds may be the primary means by which
the ticks are spread from one area to another. The tick prefers deer for
reproduction, but will utilize other animals when few deer are present.

The lone star tick, a common southern species, as well as several other
_Ixodes_ ticks can transmit the disease.

LYME DISEASE IN DOMESTIC ANIMALS

Lyme disease has been diagnosed in dogs, cats, horses, and cows.
Symptoms include loss of appetite, soreness, and lameness, often with fever
(102.5 to 106 degrees F), swollen glands, and joints. Heart, kidney, liver,
eye and nervous system problems can develop. Laminitis is reported in horses
and cows, as are poor fertility, abortions, and chronic weight loss.
Temperament changes have been reported in dogs and horses. Untreated animals
can develop chronic progressive arthritis.

If you travel into tick infested areas with your animals, it is possible
to bring ticks home on the animals that will infest your premises. If animals
in your area develop Lyme disease it should alert you that you are also at
risk.

WHERE TO FIND TICKS ON ANIMALS

Ticks are most commonly found on the front parts (head, neck, chest),
between the toes, on or in the ears, and inside the front and back legs where
the leg meets the body (armpit or groin areas). Because the ticks are so
small, you must look very carefully. Remove any ticks found and save for
identification.

TICK CONTROL ON ANIMALS

To protect animals from infection and to keep them from bringing ticks
home requires regular use of tick repellent and control products plus daily
examination for ticks.

Veterinary assistance is important in selecting safe tick control
products and designing a control program.

HOW TO AVOID TICK BITES

When out of doors several precautions can minimize your chancesd of
being bitten.

– Tuck your pants leg into your socks and your shirt into your pants. The
ticks grab onto feet and legs and then climb up. This precaution will help
keep them outside you clothes where they can be picked off.

-Wear light colored clothing. Dark ticks are more easily spotted against a
light background.

-Inspect clothes often for ticks. Have a companion inspect your back.

– Apply repellents according to label instructions. Applying directly to
clothing appears to be most effective.

– Inspect you body thoroughly when you get in from the field. Especially
check groin, navel, armpits, head and behind knees and ears. Have a companion
inspect your back, or use a mirror.

– Inspect children at least once daily for ticks. When in heavily infested
areas inspect children every three to fou hours.

– When hiking stay in the middle of trails. Do not bushwhack.

– When working outdoors do not wear work clothes home. Wash work clothes
often or put them in the dryer to kill any ticks on them by drying.

WHAT TO DO IF BITTEN BY A TICK

Remove the tick as soon as possible. The easiest method is to grasp the
tick with fine tweezers, as near the skin as you can, and gently pull straight
out. Since the Lyme bacteria is injected ny the tick when it bites, you nust
be careful not to squeeze the tick when removing it whcih could result in more
bacteria being injected. Do NOT attempt to remove with lighted cigarettes,
matches, nail polish, or vaseline.

Once removed put the tick in a small jar containing alcohol (rubbing
alcohol will do) and save for identification. Idenification becomes very
important if you develop disease symptoms.

IDENTIFICATION OF TICKS

In most areas, ticks can be submitted for identification through local
or state health department offices. Many physicians and veterinarians will
also submit ticks.

When submitting a tick put it in a tightly closed container with a small
amount of alcohol. Mark it with your name, address, and phone number, date
collected, host collected from (animal or man) and recent travel history.

NOTES

_Lyme disease and pregnancy_: Miscarriage, premature births, and still births
have been reported. Transplacental infection of the fetus has occured.
Transmission through breast milk is thought to occur. Any women suspecting
exposure must tell her obstetrician and later, her pediatrician.

_Blood tests_: may be helpful as an aid in diagnosis but are not always
reliable. It is possible to have a negative test during the course of the
disease or following antibiotic therapy and still have active disease. The
diagnosis of Lyme disease must generally be made on the basis of clinicalsigns
and by ruling out other possible diseases. A negative test following
treatment does not indicat cure.

IF UNDIAGNOSED, LYME DISEASE CAN BE EXTREMELY DEVASTATING PHYSICALLY,
MENTALLY, AND FINANCIALLY.

FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Lyme Borreliosis Foundation, Inc.
National Headquarters
P.O. Box 462
Tolland, CT 06084
(203) 871-2900

State and local health departments in some cases can direct you to sources of
information and help.

—————————————————————————

Brochure design and information after a brochure entitled “Ticks and Lyme
Disease” done for the National Park Service by Howard S. Ginsberg, Jorge
Benach and Edward M. Bossler.

Revised, updated, and new information added By:
Lloyd E. Miller, DVM, Troy, NY, March 1990

===========================================================================

If you have any stories of difficult diagnosis, or other stories about Lyme
disease you wish to relate (including sources of mis-information) please e-
mail them to djm8_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu. We have been maintaining a base
of such information and all additions are welcome.

Well, go on out and enjoy the Great Outdoors, but be careful….
and have a nice day 🙂 🙂 :-)Subject: Lyme Disease Information

Thanks to all who responded to my previous post. The fact that so
many are interested in learning more about this disease is encouraging.
As my original posting has probably expired, and I have a few email
addresses bounce back to me I am now posting the brochure here ( I
was holding out so as to get a feel for how many were interested and
the geographic distribution)..

If you have any encounters with Lyme disease that you would like to
relate, please email me at dmiller@rodan.acs.syr.edu. This will
be passed on to my father, who is compiling such stories. Further
questions may also be addressed to me, and I will do my best to
answer them.

-moose If the thunder don’t get you
dmiller@rodan.acs.syr.edu then the lightning will…

Reference:
Medicine for Mountaineering.

From: pjanke@indy.cray.com (Paul Janke)

The best way I have found to dispose of a tick once extracted
is to take about 1/2 inch of scotch tape, stick the tick to it,
and fold, thereby entombing the tick in a transparent medium.
The tick will cease to be a problem and will obviously suffocate.

Although alcohol makes for a better preservative, the average
person has easier access to good old scotch tape. Most of the
time I use this method on plain old wood ticks(its alot cleaner
than torching them,etc.) but also use it on the much smaller deer
ticks. I probably tape 100+ ticks/year including the ones from
my dog. Species level identification of entombed tick is no problem.

National Lyme Community Research Initiative
17 Monroe Avenue, Staten Island, NY 10301
(718) 273-3740

TABLE OF CONTENTS of this chain:

19/ Lyme disease, frequently ask, under question
20/ “Telling questions” backcountry Turing test (under construction)
21/ AMS
22/ Words from Foreman and Hayduke
23/ A bit of song (like camp songs)
24/ What is natural?
25/ A romantic notion of high-tech employment
26/ Other news groups of related interest, networking
27/ Films/cinema references
28/ References (written)
1/ DISCLAIMER
2/ Ethics
3/ Learning I
4/ learning II (lists, “Ten Essentials,” Chouinard comments)
5/ Summary of past topics
6/ Non-wisdom: fire-arms topic circular discussion
7/ Phone / address lists
8/ Fletcher’s Law of Inverse Appreciation and advice
9/ Water Filter wisdom
10/ Words from Rachel Carson
11/ Snake bite
12/ Netiquette
13/ Questions on conditions and travel
14/ Dedication to Aldo Leopold
15/ Leopold’s lot.
16/ Morbid backcountry
17/ Information about bears
18/ Poison ivy, frequently ask, under question

How To Be A Lying Ninja!

How to be a lying ninja!

Yet another sexy little text file brought to you by Rusty and The Italic
Squirrels. Written by Suid Lizard and Rhesus Monkey, edited by Captain Ross.

This text file was written for entertainment purposes only. Just because
somebody reads this text does not mean that they should try anything in it. This
file does not, nor does it’s authors, advocate the telling of lies, or anything
like that. Even though you shouldn’t try this, but you do anyway, it isn’t our
fault if you get busted. Maybe it was YOUR mistake that got you screwed. Maybe
the simple facts of your lie screwed you up, maybe you’re just an idiot, maybe
this whole text file is a load of bullshit. You just don’t know, so don’t try
this until you’ve done some research in this sort of thing. Don’t do drugs.
Don’t break the law. Don’t wear dead elephants as hats. Don’t do anything you
wouldn’t want your grandmother to do. Don’t do anything.

************************************************************************

By reading further into this text you certify that you are not a law enforcement
officer, an employee of the federal government, or an acquaintance of an
employee of the federal government, or even an acquaintance of an acquaintance
of an employee of the federal government. You certify that you are not Suid
Lizard or Captain Ross’s mom, or anyone else’s mom. You certify that you are not
under 18 years of age. You certify that you are not over 18 years of age. You
certify that you are not 18 years of age. If any or all of the above statements
does not apply to you, then do not read further into this file, delete it if it
happens to be on your hard or floppy disks, and leave whatever site or BBS or
whatever it is you downloaded it from.

************************************************************************

Well, now that I’ve excluded about 99.9% of the population, all that should be
left are super intelligent cyborgs from the future, spider monkeys, and contract
violators who have let go of all their rights concerning this file.

So you wanna learn to lie, eh? Well, before you can learn that you have to learn
to spot a liar, which is easier than you think. Certain behaviors, things you
don’t mean to do, give away liars. These can be movements, or biological
signals. Mainly, I’m gonna deal with the physical gestures and such, things that
you don’t have to be hooked up to a machine to detect.

Liars, especially when caught off guard, don’t have real memories to refer to,
and have to rely on their imaginations to fall back on. Without actual
experience dictating the story, it becomes almost impossible to keep track of
all the details that may be said. That’s why in an interrogation a detective (or
whoever) will ask the same questions again and again, in hopes of finding a slip
up. They may ask about details, things like “what color was her shirt?” in hopes
that the suspect’s story won’t be consistent. The specifics of a story may be
vague when it is first told, which is a fairly reliable indicator of the truth.

So what can a liar do to avoid these pitfalls? Simply use real memories as a
reference. If you say you were meeting some friends, then think of a past
occasion when you met with friends. Now, when your asked the color of her shirt,
it will be white (or whatever) every time, because that’s what you remember it
as being.

Another problem is witnesses. A liar may try to get his story straight with all
of the people present, but that’s bound to fail. Say you went Somehood (mystery
city) last night, to go meet some chicks at the deli and get laid. Only trouble
is, your grounded that week. Your mom asks you where you went! Quick, what do
you say? The secret is to make as little of your story a lie as possible. Tell
her that you were at the deli in Somehood, studying with Jacob (or whoever was
there). Now, if your mom calls your friends and questions them, your story might
just fly, as long as the part about getting laid doesn’t come up ;).

But it isn’t just your story that gives you away. It might also be you. The way
you hold yourself, the way you speak, the way you move, they all hold clues as
to how honest you are. Luckily, if you know what’s what, you can avoid making
such tell-tale mistakes.

See, when you lie, even if your a comfortable liar, you get a little nervous (or
a lot). And when your nervous, you brain makes a little adrenaline, which
basically screws you over. Ever notice how when you lie, your face gets a little
itchy? You feel a tick here and there? Yep, that’s adrenaline, pal. Do you ever
get a little fidgety, wanting to keep your hands busy? Adrenaline, baby. Your
mouth feels dry, you breathe more deeply, you can’t relax your body? adrenaline,
adrenaline, adrenaline! So what can you do about this wondrous chemical? Nothing
really, my friend, just ignore it. When your face feels itchy, don’t scratch.
Breathe shallow as usual, don’t swallow too much, and if your nervous, slouch as
best you can and put your arms somewhere comfortable and leave them there.

Body language, something we learn early in life, can also give you away. When
people lie or bull shit in some other way, they have a tendency to cover their
mouth, like they don’t really believe what they say. When your a little kid it’s
very obvious, but as we grow older it becomes more and more subtle. You may
touch your nose, your cheek, or your mouth. Talk to someone in a casual sort of
way, so that they won’t feel the need to lie. Are they covering their mouth in
any way? Of course not! If you know what to look for this gesture can be very
obvious.

It’s been said that the eyes are the window to the soul. This little diddly is
truer than you know, because you can learn a lot from what a fellow’s eyes are
doing. For instance, where a person glances around while talking, it often
indicates what part of his brain he’s using. These directions vary from person
to person, but they are almost always there. There are sections for audio,
visual, olfactory (smell), tactile (touch), and taste. There are also directions
for calling on two types of reasoning (left and right side) and one for
IMAGINATION. this is the one we’re concerned with. When you have to come up with
a story, what do you have to do? you have to imagine it, dumbass! For most
people, they look up and to the left when they call on their imagination, and
since they’ve been doing it for as long as they’ve been making shit up, they’ve
getten into the habit. When you lie, try to look pretty much straight forward,
glancing down naturally and occasionally.

Also, maintain eye contact. Have you ever heard “look me in the eye?” well
that’s what they’re talking about. Try not to maintain eye contact freakishly
long, because this is unnatural and suspicious looking.

When you lie, you have to make up a story, and hence your brain might need a
second to think. We subconsciously try to hide this, but nobody is ever fooled.
Here’s an example.

Mom:”Jimmy, have you been masturbating on the roof again?”
Jimmy:”Masturbating? Of course not, mom!”

Do you know what Jimmy has done wrong? He repeated the beginning of the
question. That’s like saying “um. . .”, only your brain thinks it’s slick for
hiding it. When you get asked a question, the answer should come like *boom*, in
just a second.

Mom:”Jimmy, have you been giving the dog blow jobs again?”
Jimmy:”Eew, mom, no way! I could get diseases like that!”

Do you know what Jimmy did wrong this time? True, he did answer right off, but
he spent too much time answering. It sounds like he’s trying to convince himself
and his mom, doesn’t it? Answer immediately and keep it short. This one’s a
little more subtle, and most people won’t pick up on it, but better safe.

Well, that’s all the things you can control, but what about the things you
can’t? Remember our little discussion about adrenaline? Well, here’s a little
more. Adrenaline increases your body temperature, your heartrate, your blood
pressure, and your breathing rate. These are the signals that those fancy
machines keep track of, and they’re very hard to control. (by the way. As of
1999 polygraphs aren’t admissible in court, so don’t sweat them too much.)
Either you must be incredibly disciplined and control your body completely, or
you must believe that you are being truthful. My uncle was in Vietnam, and it
was a very hard experience. When he got home, due to all the controversy
surrounding the war, nobody wanted to talk to him. He spent so much time keeping
it to himself, not thinking about it, and denying it that he actually came to
believe for a short while that he was never in the war. Apparently this is not
that uncommon. Thing is, if he was given a polygraph test at that time, and
asked if he was in the war he could have said no and passed it. While we can’t
always recreate this sort of trauma at home, we can at least come close. So, if
you steal the hope diamond from a museum, don’t tell your friends, don’t tell
your family, and don’t tell yourself what happened. If you push it back far
enough it’ll all disappear. Try it with that 2.14 GPA you got last semester, and
see how it works.

That’s all for now. Thanks for your time — *Suid Lizard*

That’s it. If you wanna mail Suid, it’s suid_lizard@yahoo.com

If anyone contributed this text to a search engine, search for the following
string to see if there are more of my files for you to find.
“rhese589ndeeboiyzz6547fneerjabbler”

The Book Of Lowball By Justic Case

From: apple!kpc.com!why (Will Hyde)
Message-Id:
Subject: Re: Lowball …
Date: Sun, 28 Jul 91 18:02:22 PDT

THE LOWBALL BOOK

Okay, here it is.

It should run about 2500 lines, and end with five table
charts (the “plates” … which you should be able to
print out on just about any printer). Please let me
know if you don’t get a complete, clean copy (or if you
do, for that matter)….

Will Hyde

* * *
* * *

PLAYING THE RUSH is copyright (c)1978, Whitestone Books.
Entire contents are copyright (c)1984, Whitestone Books.

Permission to copy for non-commercial use is granted,
providing nothing is deleted.

Whitestone Books/P.O. Box 1144/Los Altos, CA 94022

* * *
* * *

THE LOWBALL BOOK…
(Justin Case)

Author’s Note: This little book is not a primer. It
is not going to help you much if you are trying to learn
to play Lowball. This is the book of numbers, the book
on the mathematics and psychology of playing percentages
… Lowball percentages. This little book is not a good
percentage bet, if you do not know what a good percentage
bet is.
This little book is for the Lowball Player. The
experienced Lowball player, who has progressed to where
he wants to know the precise percentages. This book is
for you if you are aware that the best percentage player
is the best player … if you see that it is possible to
have “the best of it” on every hand you play — even when
it is a Ten or a two-card draw — if the odds on the
money are right, and you know the numbers.
If you don’t already know about patience, persever-
ance, pat hands, position, proposition bets, and all
those other points of play … you are not ready for
this. I am not even going to comment on the gestures,
table talk, body language, or any of those other little
subtleties that go into the make-up of a super-player
like the incredible Mr. Sherman (“The Sniveler On The
Roof”) or that silver-haired dude whose net percentage at
Artichoke Joe’s is often better than Artichoke Joe’s.
Those things you will learn the way they learned them.
Experience.
In other words, poker strategy is poker strategy …
you can read about it in two-hundred different books, or
subscribe to GAMBLING TIMES and have all the new strate-
gies delivered as soon as they are born.
In this little book you learn the numbers; what they
are, how to compute them and to apply them; how to come
up with a net percentage you can take to the bank. This
little book is the one you were looking for when you
couldn’t find it. This is “the book” on Lowball.

* * *

This little book is dedicated to the Players, Tourists
and Live Ones at the Cameo Club — in grateful apprecia-
tion of their many contributions to this effort, over the
years….

[Editor’s note: The “Plates” (table layouts) referred to
in the text cannot be displayed properly on screen in an
ascii format. They will be appended in an easy-to-print
form at the end of the text.]

* * *

TAKING THE BEST OF IT…
(Justin Case)

Lowball is played like Draw Poker, except that the
worst poker hand wins. Almost. Aces are low, Straights
and Flushes do not count, so 5-4-3-2-1 is the best
possible hand. Your largest card counts first; any Eight
(8-6542, for example) beats any Nine (9-4321 is a Nine);
any Seven beats any Eight, and like that. The next
largest card breaks ties.

So now you know how to play Lowball….

Sure, I know, you didn’t need that; you play Lowball
all the time … in a cardroom. Sometimes you win pretty
good, too. Just last Thursday you won a hundred and
sixty dollars in a Straight Four at the Garden City, in
San Jose; and a couple of weeks ago you won four hundred
playing No-Limit at the Cameo Club in Palo Alto. In
fact, subtracting your losses from your winnings for the
last six months shows you have made a net profit. Not a
whole lot of money, but you know how few are the players
who win consistently. For six months now, you have done
better than most of the “Regulars” you play with. Still,
for some reason, you are not ready to sell you house and
move to Gardena.

I’m kidding, of course, there’s no reason to move to
Gardena; you can find all the action you want just about
anywhere in California (and in six or seven other
states). In fact, sometimes you can find too much
action, right here in River City….

That might even be the problem: that hand that always
seems to come along just when you are winning real good
… that killer hand, where Captain Marvel makes his big
play with a rough Nine and you have a Six to draw to,
with the Joker. Or you pick up that pat Eight when three
players are already in the pot, and you are not sure how
much to raise it (why do you always seem to raise it too
much when somebody has a pat Six — or not enough when
everybody is drawing, so they all play and your pat Eight
gets drawn out on?).

Some hands are automatic, anybody could play them,
they play themselves. But never in the crunch … when
the pressure is on, you always have that marginal hand
you don’t really know how to play. These are always
hands you could win, if you could just get a little bit
lucky…. Sometimes you do win them, sometimes you do
get a little bit lucky; but more often you go busted,
because Lady Luck is a fickle bitch.

Lady Luck is a fickle bitch, and her name is Karma.
Now and then she will bring you a Deuce so you can make
a straight Six when you are up against a Seven-five you
thought was a Nine … but hers is a balancing act; for
each time she slips that Deuce in there, she is going to
give you a Seven on your Six and you are going to have to
call that Seven-five. If you get to where you are
putting your trust in her, she will screw you.

Getting lucky means beating the odds, and now and then
you will do that; you do it every time you “take the
worst of it” and win, every time you gamble and win.

AXIOM #1: GAMBLERS DON’T WIN; WINNERS DON’T GAMBLE.

What’s that? you say, and now you want to remind me
that empires have been built from gambling: Las Vegas;
Reno; Atlantic City; Monte Carlo … gambling is every-
where, gamblers are everywhere; everybody loves to
gamble.

Which is bullshit, and you already know it. Empires
are built from gambling, right enough … but the Emperor
does not gamble. The Emperor takes the best of it; he
has a few percentage points in his favor in every game he
spreads for gamblers to play. And he takes that percent-
age to the bank as if it were a tax, which it damned
nearly is.

THE EMPIRE TAX…

Of course I’m talking about the “house percentage,”
and in a Lowball game you do not play against the house.
Theoretically, your odds are the same as everyone else’s;
and they are, going in. However, after the cards are
dealt the odds change; they must be adjusted to the value
of your hand. And often the odds change a little more
(sometimes a lot more) with each bet.

Example: You have a pat Eight, a good one (8-5321);
it’s a Four-to-go No-Limit game; there are two players in
the pot for four dollars each; you have raised it twenty
more; everybody has about a hundred on the table….

At this point you are a pretty good favorite (it looks
like it is going to be two players drawing a card, each
with three-to-one against his making a Seven or better).
I want to call your hand a three-to-two favorite to win
the pot (three-to-one against each hand, two hands) and
that is close enough, but you cannot really figure it
like that.

In a series of four plays at 3-to-1, you figure to win
three times and lose once (WWWL). There are four
different ways this can happen (WWWL/WWLW/WLWW/LWWW), so
it takes a series of sixteen hands to exhaust the
possibilities. If you have two players, each with odds
of 3-to-1, you have two different sets of sixteen
possibilities.

Each player figures to make his hand four times in the
series, so it looks like you win eight times and lose
eight times. If that were true you would lose (at 100.00
per hand) 800.00 on your eight losers, and win 1600.00 on
your eight winners; or 800.00 profit for the sixteen hand
series — same as one player, where you lose 400.00 and
win 1200.00 in the series. But that is not quite right
either….

In this series there will be a total of eight Sevens
made, between the two players, but you will lose only
seven times. Combined, they will make eight Sevens in
sixteen plays (eight Sevens in thirty-two hands) but that
is not eight losers in sixteen plays to you, because one
of each player’s Sevens will fall on the same hand as one
of the other player’s Sevens. Once in sixteen you will
lose to both players … so you lose seven at 100.00
each, and win nine at 200.00. It is a net profit (Empire
Tax) of 1100.00, not 800.00.

If I had gone ahead and called your hand a three-to-
two favorite we’d need a computer to figure a sixteen-
hand series … but it would work out to nine wins of
200.00 and six losses of 100.00, in a series of fifteen
plays. A net of 1200.00. Close, but inflated.

It doesn’t matter anyway, neither of them is going to
try to beat your pat Eight-five…. We came here to see
how a bet can change the odds, and the one remaining
player behind you just came over the fence with a 100.00
re-raise…!

AXIOM #2: A LARGE BET CHANGES THE VALUE OF A HAND.

So what do you do now? I cannot tell you, because I
don’t know the player. Some players will make a play
like this with a Nine (especially a “two-way Nine,” like
a Nine-five) and others would not do it with a rough
Seven. Your play from this point depends upon your
familiarity with your opponents. If this bet is made by
a “Tourist” (a player you do not know) and the only clue
you have is the size of the bet, you are in trouble.
This much I can tell you: if the Eight-five is no good,
the hand is no good … it is at least three-to-one
against improving it. Only the “Live One” makes that
play.

Now then, before we get into where those odds come
from, and how to read them, let’s find out where you are
at. This time you are playing Eight-to-go No-Limit (we
will get to the Limit game later on).

Refer to PLATE ONE…

The pot is opened for eight dollars; called for eight;
and (you) called for eight (drawing to a Six).

Play #4 is a 72.00 RAISE (bet is 80.00 straight).

First two players PASS.

It is now on you to CALL 72.00 (you have 75.00).

You know the player who raised well enough to know he
has an Eight (he never plays Nines, and the raise is too
big for a smooth hand). Some players will make this play
when they are drawing a card (usually to the nuts with
the Joker), trying to pick up the 32.00 that was in the
pot after play #3 (your CALL), but not this particular
player. He is pat.

So, what do you do now? And why…?

This one is easy….

If you play, you must CALL 72.00 to win 112.00.

That’s 11-to-7 on the money….

You have to make an Eight. Odds are two-to-one
against making the hand….

You do not attempt a 2-to-1 longshot for 11-to-7 on
the money. It would be an Even Proposition if there were
144.00 already in the pot. I would play it if there were
150.00 or more — I want that Empire Tax, remember?

The odds on this play are the odds on the hand,
because you will have only three dollars on the table if
you make this CALL (after-the-draw possibilities modify
the odds, and we will go into that later on, but in this
case there are none).

The only way to approach it, if you are thinking in
terms of Making A Living, is to see that it IS a living,
and life goes on and on and on and on….

All these hands will be played and replayed and then
played again. That’s three, right?

For every three times you play this hand, you will
lose two, at 72.00 each, or 144.00. The one you will win
will pay 112.00.

Now do you see it…?

The only way to play this hand is to never play it!

And please, try to forget about your 8.00. When play
number four (the raise) comes down, that 8.00 is gone
into history. Karma got it. You have no interest in
this pot, unless you call the raise. If you consider
that 8.00 as yours, then the bet is even worse — you can
only win 104.00.

You have to see the numbers, and realize they are all
going to run together, in time. The importance of one
hand is soon lost; it becomes just another number in a
chain of numbers which adds up to a total number — from
which your Wang could compute your batting average, your
Empire Tax rate.

Would you give me 14.00 to 11.00 on the flip of a
coin?

Just once?

Can you be talked into it…?

I hope not. If you can be talked into laying long
odds on an even-money bet, or going against the odds for
even money, you are a “taxpayer” … and I am sure you
know what that makes you.

What about that Enormous pot you would have won … if
you had just had the balls to play that marginal hand for
so much money…? Was it really all that marginal? Was
it just too much money, not worth taking the chance?

Did you know what your chances really were…?

Your exact percentage…?

You are drawing a card to the nuts (4-3-2-1) and you
think you can win with an Eight … so what are the odds
against making an Eight or better? What if you need a
Seven … what are the odds then? What are the Outside
Odds and what are the Inside Odds? What does “Odds on
the Money” mean? And how about “Balancing the Odds?”
Whatever happened to “Lowball is a simple game…?”

Are answers better than questions?

Balancing the odds is wondering if this little book
can sell enough to compensate the writer for what it is
going to cost the player…. Jesus, I can think of a
number of players who are going to find the leak in their
play in this little book — and a number of others who
might not think this is such a good idea (“Hey, Asshole,
don’t wise up the Live One … I’m trying to Make a
Living here …”). If consciousness of the “Empire Tax”
(and how to compute it — which is coming up shortly)
were to appear suddenly in the Big Apple at the Cameo
Club, I can see some very real numbers being shaved from
my chain of numbers which adds up to a total number….

If you don’t know what I am talking about when I say
“My chain of numbers” you are not paying attention! It
is going to come up again, when we consider THE ENDLESS
LOWBALL GAME, but if you are missing things like that at
this point, by the time we get to that point you will be
coming back to here to see what you missed. Some of this
is just Lobbying, because we are going pretty fast, and
that is only good up to a point, too. We don’t want the
points to run together like the numbers in my chain….

Momentarily I am going to give you a list of numbers,
an odds chart, the odds against making a hand. Twenty-
four sets of odds that are so important you have to learn
them all. So important that right after I give them to
you, I am going to show you how to compute them from hand
to hand and from play to play, just in case you cannot
learn them all … because every hand you play is
affected by these odds, and most are determined by them.

Then we will go into balancing those odds against the
Odds on the Money; a mating that gives birth to a little
beauty called the Net Percentage (the Empire Tax). The
whole process passed through when we were playing the
hand on PLATE #1, but like I said, that one was easy.
The Empire Tax on that one was the difference between
112.00 and 144.00 … but in that case you would have
been paying the tax, if you had made the CALL. You know,
if you think of it as a TAX, you might be able to resist
paying it….

We are almost ready to type another hand into your
computer, but it is going to be a little closer this
time; so this time you get to run the program first.

First the Odds chart:

ONE CARD DRAW (odds against): 5: 11-to-1
6: 5-to-1
7: 3-to-1
8: 2-to-1
9: 7-to-5
10: .EVEN.

ONE CARD DRAW (with the Joker): 5: 5-to-1
6: 3-to-1
7: 2-to-1
8: 7-to-5
9: .EVEN.
10: 5-to-7

TWO CARD DRAW (if you must): 5: 71-to-1
6: 23-to-1
7: 11-to-1
8: 6-to-1
9: 4-to-1
10: 5-to-2

TWO CARD DRAW (with the Joker): 5: 23-to-1
6: 11-to-1
7: 6-to-1
8: 4-to-1
9: 5-to-2
10: 11-to-7

And for the purist: The 6-to-1 is in fact, 6.2-to-1,
and the 4-to-1 is actually 3.8-to-1 (in the first case
you will miss 62 times for each 10 you make, instead of
60; and in the second you will miss 38 to each 10,
instead of 40). In neither case is the difference
significant, and as it happens, they cancel each other.
And if you are into making sixty-two two-card draws, you
don’t give a damn what the odds are anyway. Some pretty
good players will tell you that a two-card draw is never
called for, and in truth, it very rarely is. But you
will run into situations where a two-card draw has the
best of it … if you know the numbers.

Beginning with 53. There are 53 cards in the deck,
unless you play in one of those rare joints where there
is no Joker in the deck (Artichoke Joe’s, in San Bruno).
If you play without the Joker count it this way anyway.
Trust me … you will see that it works out. The Joker
we will deal with separately, shortly.

THE FORTY-EIGHT UNKNOWN CARDS…

Now let me try that again. There are 53 cards in the
deck, and you hold five of them; so there are forty-eight
unknown cards from which you will be drawing, if you draw
a card. It works the same way if your opponent is
drawing and you want to know the odds on (against) his
drawing out on your hand.

There are always forty-eight unknown cards; the cards
in your opponent’s hand (unknown to you) do not change
this. Sure, you know your opponents are holding mostly
small cards too, when they play a hand, and it seem that
“uses up” some of the cards which will make your hand.
Maybe so, but maybe it is using up the cards which would
pair you. Nor can you figure the discarded hands are
heavy in high cards — the player behind you just threw
away four treys and the Joker.

It makes no difference either, that there are only
thirteen cards left in the stub (in an eight-handed game)
and only eleven of them are actually in play (everybody
burns the first card and, if the draw goes that far, the
last one). They are all at random from the forty-eight
unknown cards; so to calculate the odds on any one of
them is to calculate from the unknown forty-eight.

Like this: Drawing to 4-3-2-1, you want to know the
odds against making an Eight or better. You can catch a
Five, a Six, a Seven or an Eight (four of each); sixteen
cards you can catch. Now then, 16 of 48 is 32-to-16 —
exactly 2-to-1.

But what if you need a Seven or better…?

You can now catch twelve cards (5-6-7), so it is 12 of
48, or 36-to 12: Exactly 3-to-1 against making a Seven
or better.

For a Six it is 8 of 48; 40-to-8 … Exactly 5-to-1.

I wonder if you noticed (it’s easy to see on the odds
chart) that having the Joker in your hand increases all
draw possibilities by four cards … and moves the odds
a full notch (drawing to a Seven with the Joker, has the
same odds as drawing to an Eight without it). I’ll bet
you noticed that I did not include the Joker as one of
the unknown cards you can catch though, didn’t you? I
shall go into that right after we play another hand.

This time it is 5-5-10, Twenty-to-go, No-Limit (this
is the “Big Apple” at the Cameo — the afternoon big
game). You just sat down with 200.00 (the minimum) and
the Whistling Oakie got you for 75.00 on the very first
hand. The second hand, on the middle Blind, was unplay-
able; so now you have 120 on the table and the Houseman
is dealing for you.

See PLATE #2…

The pot is opened for twenty and called twice, before
it gets to you. You have a five-dollar Blind already in
the pot, so it will cost you 15.00 to call. You know all
these players, and you can just feel it … everybody is
speculating, they are all on the come. You could
probably win it right here, if you tapped off — it’s
tempting — but you have a pair of Queens in your hand.
You don’t have enough money to make that play, and you
don’t have enough hand for a short raise.

But what about the 15.00 CALL?

Time to balance the odds.

At this point there is 80.00 in the pot, but it may as
well be 90.00 — because the big Blind is going to creep
in here for ten dollars more, even if he’s drawing three
cards (it will look like 10-to-1 on the money to him, and
it just about will be). To you it looks like 6-to-1
(15.00 to win 90.00), better than 5-to-1 even if the big
Blind does not play.

What kind of hand can you make at 6-to-1…?

Your 4-3-Joker has odds of 6-to-1 against making a
Seven or better. If you have to make a Seven to win, you
are into an Even Proposition, and Nines win hands like
this.

It is an easy call.

Ah, yes … then the big Blind does come in — with a
200.00 raise! The son of a bitch is making the play you
wanted to make…!

And you were right too, everybody was speculating.
One at a time, all three of them PASS.

Now he’s looking at you, and your hundred-dollar stack
of chips….

Show him the two Queens, drop them face up….

Now he is looking at you, at your hundred-dollar
stack, and at the two Queens; he is doing a little odds
balancing of his own.

“C’mon,” he says, “I’m drawing,” and he throws away a
card. (What just happened is called a “Proposition Bet”
and it happens all the time in games like this one. You
just offered him two for one — you’ll CALL a hundred of
his raise and draw two cards, if he will draw one — and
he went for it.) He knows what he’s doing (although he
wouldn’t do it if he knew you had the Joker). If you do
not have the Joker, he is a three-to-one favorite on the
draw; if you do have the Joker he is favored by two-to-
one.

His odds against making a Seven or better are 3-to-1,
and yours are 6-to-1 … 2-to-1 against an Eight for him,
and 4-to-1 for you — he has two-to-one the best of it on
the draw.

But there is 205.00 in the pot, and it is 100.00 to
you (all you have on the table). There is only five
dollars in Empire Tax in this pot, but it is on your side
of the bet.

Don’t tell me who won, it doesn’t really matter; it is
just another number in an endless chain of numbers….

Play this hand three times: lose a hundred twice, and
win 205.00 once….

I know, you are not going to play that hand three
times in three years … but you are wrong about that.
Any hand that plays to those odds is that hand; it does
not matter what the money amounts are, nor what the hands
are; only the odds count. Any hand that works out to
two-to-one on the money and two-to-one against the hand,
as closely as that one did, is that hand again. To put
a hundred into a 200.00 pot, when you have to make an
Eight, is the same bet. To put fifty cents into a dollar
pot is likewise.

CONCERNING THE JOKER…

It is 9.6-to-1 that you will not be dealt the
Joker, and if you do not have it, it is 8.6-to-1 that
your opponent does not have it either. It is 47-to-1 you
will not catch the Joker on a one-card draw; and if you
do, it won’t do anything for you that a number of other
cards would not do. If you draw one to an Eight, and
catch the Joker to beat a Nine, the Joker didn’t do
anything for your that any of the sixteen other cards
would not do. The presence of the Joker in the forty-
eight unknown cards, does not make a significant differ-
ence in your chances of making a hand — and the differ-
ence it does make will be turned to your advantage
anyway, like another tax.

Can you work with a number like: 2 9/13ths-to-1…?
That is, two and nine-thirteenths to one, the true odds
against making a Seven. How much is 2 9/13ths-to-1 in
dollars? It does not compute, I cannot visualize it. I
can visualize drawing to 4-3-2-1, needing 5, 6 or 7,
which is 12 cards of 48, which is 36-to-12 … which is
3-to-1….

And I am always aware that I still have a little bitty
edge when it all works out dead even, because the true
odds against my making my Seven are a small fraction of
a number shorter than I play them. It is a surcharge on
my Empire Tax. It does not have to work out even though,
that fraction is there no matter how the odds work out.

Of course it is not, but when I make that 47-to-1
shot, and catch the Joker, it feels like a collection on
my fractions.

Adding an imaginary Joker to the deck of fifty-two, so
you can count from forty-eight unknown cards, does the
same thing, including building in the fractions. Doing
that, changes 2 11/12ths to 3-to-1. The differences are
a little smaller, because now you are discounting the
existence of an imaginary card; adding one card to the
cards which will not make your hand, but not discounting
one which will.

Either way, it works out. Besides, if you are playing
good cards it does not get that close.

AXIOM #3: PLAYING DEAD EVEN WILL KILL YOU…

If you could manage to hold your odds to exactly EVEN
on every hand you play for a year’s time, at the end of
the year you would probably be even on your play … and
stuck for a year’s TIME…. Dead Even.

By discounting the Joker as one of the unknown forty-
eight, you will come up with odds that work out to even
numbers (whole numbers, numbers with no fractions) but
they will never be Dead Even. It is like deducting full
dollars from your checking account when you write a check
with cents in it. It adds up.

Now I hope I have not given you the wrong idea about
the Joker, about its importance. The value of the
possibility of the Joker (as a card you can catch) is not
significant, but the reality of it is. When the Joker is
in your hand it changes everything. When the Joker is in
the deck it is just one more card you can catch, it
increases your possibilities by one card; but when it is
in your hand, it increases your possibilities by FOUR
cards. The twelve cards you can catch to make a Seven,
for example, become sixteen cards when you hold the
Joker. The odds change from 3-to-1 to 2-to-1, and that
certainly is a significant difference. At times, as you
have seen (PLATE #2), the Joker can make a two-card draw
into a “good bet.”

One more little thing: When you hold the Joker in
your hand, and compute the odds (your own, or those of
your opponents), the numbers you come up with are true
odds. If you hold the Joker, the three-to-one against
your opponent’s making a Seven is exactly three-to-one,
the fraction-causing possibility of the Joker is elimi-
nated. Of course, your opponent does not know that.

OUTSIDE ODDS/INSIDE ODDS…

You are drawing to 5-3-2-1 (to make it easy) and you
put him on an Eight. When you consider the odds against
“making an Eight or better” you are working out the
Outside Odds….

Now you catch an Eight!

Is it the best Eight…?

Now you are considering the Inside Odds (which, in
this case, are 33-to-1 in your favor, with one tie
possibility).

If you are drawing to an Eight, the Outside Odds are
the odds against catching inside the Eight … when you
do, the Inside Odds are the odds against your Eight being
the best Eight.

Does it matter?

Suppose you are drawing to 7-4-3-2 — and you make the
Seven.

Now your wife’s mother bets a pretty good chunk, and
says: “Be careful, I made a Seven….” She is teasing
the Live One who built the pot — and then drew two, to
an Eight — but you know the old lady is telling the
truth.

Good thing you drew smooth, isn’t it? If you caught
a Six the Inside Odds make old moms the favorite by a
margin of 4-to-3, but a Five gives it to you by 5-to-2;
and if you caught an Ace, you can’t lose.

There are seventy ways to make a Nine, and half of
them have an Eight in them; thus 9-7654 will beat more
than half the hands he could have when he says, “I have
a Nine.” Exactly half, in fact, with one tie. Before
the hand started you had 7-6-5-4 to draw to, and you put
him on a Nine. He went all-in with a small stack, and
stood pat. You drew a card and asked him what you had to
beat, and he said (of course) “I have a Nine….”

Your Outside Odds were 7-to-5 against, but you caught
a Nine, sure enough (actually, your Outside Odds were
two-to-one, because it takes an Eight to win it on the
Outside). Now it must be decided by the Inside Odds, and
that is a coin flip: 9-7654 beats 35 Nines, loses to 34,
and ties one.

7-6543 There are thirty-five different ways to make
7-6542 an Eight — and twenty of them have a Seven.
7-6541
7-6532 Fifteen Sevens (listed), and ten of them are
7-6531 Seven-six — a Seven-five is a Six-and-a-half.
7-6521
7-6432 Okay, let’s play one more hand at the Cameo
7-6431 Club, to see if any of this is working, then we
7-6421 will go play some Limit Lowball for a while.
7-6321
This time the game is Six-to-go.
7-5432
7-5431 See PLATE THREE…
7-5421
7-5321 This pot is opened for six dollars, and has
been called for six, when the short stack at the
7-4321 table goes all-in for 20.00….

You are Dealing (Houseman is dealing for you, so you
have a 1.00 Blind in the pot), and you have Q-6321; it is
19.00 to you….

At this point there is 38.00 in the pot; it is already
2-to-1 on the money, and you know the two players with
six dollars in the pot are unlikely to pass. You are
almost a cinch to get at least three-to-one on your money
— the (Outside) odds against a Seven. The numbers force
you to play. The big Blind comes in as well, the other
two call the 14.00 RAISE, and there is 102.00 in the pot.

Everybody draws one card, except the player who went
all-in; he stands pat.

You catch an Eight (8-6321).

After the draw, the first player PASSes (he has 120.00
on the table); second player PASSes (90.00 in his stack);
third player also PASSes (60.00); all-in player cannot
bet, so it is on you (you have 200.00 left).

You cannot PASS a Seven or better at the Cameo.

The all-in player could have anything.

How much is your hand worth now…?

The best possible hand, among the players who drew a
card, is some kind of Eight. The pat hand cannot win any
part of this bet, so as far as this bet is concerned, he
does not matter. The Inside Odds on an 8-6321 are such
that your hand amounts to a cinch.

If you can assume everybody knows what is happening,
and will more-or-less play the value of his hand, there
is a “Best Bet” in this spot:

100.00.

If you tap off (bet 120.00 or more) the odds on the
money to the first player (with 120.00) are 220.00 to
120.00, and he will probably lay down an Eight — the
money odds are short, and he has to consider the possi-
bility that the 102.00 already in the pot is locked up by
the pat hand, which would mean he is getting EVEN odds on
his money from you, on the side. Betting 100.00 makes it
202.00-to-100.00, and he can justify calling with an
Eight, because of the 2-to-1 odds against your having
made an Eight (and because the other two players have
PASSed once).

If the bet comes to the second player (with 90.00 in
front of him) the money odds are 192.00-to-90.00. If he
has an Eight, the odds are better for him than they were
for the first player.

To the third player, the odds on his money will be:
162.00-to-60.00. If he has a Eight, he is “Pot Stuck,”
forced by the numbers to call.

There always exists the possibility of somebody
getting crazy and calling for a bluff, or double-thinking
himself into calling with a Nine; thinking you are making
a play with a Nine because you think the all-in bet was
a desperation play (a Ten), and you want to force the
other three players out.

THE LIMIT GAME…

Now then, before we go play some Limit Lowball, some
thoughts that slip in here with all these odds and your
Empire Tax….

In a No-Limit game the size of the bet you are
prepared to make (or call) determines the “value of the
hand.” In the Limit game, the value of a hand is
determined by the number of bets (raises) you are
prepared to put in.

When you pick up a pat Eight-five (for instance) you
say to yourself: “This hand is worth four bets,” or,
“I’ll go six bets with this one, if old Flash Gordon
raises back….”

Anyway, you make an evaluation of the hand in this
spot, and you play it to that value. When old Flash
Gordon takes it to the seventh bet, you make another
evaluation (AXIOM #2 comes into play now). If you go any
further, you are considering breaking the Eight; and the
further you go beyond the value of the hand, the greater
become the odds against you. Every bet you make at
three-to-one the worst of it, is a bet you must make at
three-to-one the best of it, if you want to stay even on
your Empire Tax.

You are going to win the “bad bets” in exactly the
same ratio you are going to lose the “good bets.” If you
could make the same number of each, they would cancel
each other. Unfortunately, you can make all the bad bets
you want … but you have to get somebody to CALL the
good ones.

Before you tell me that computing the odds against a
particular hand doesn’t help the Limit player much,
consider a play like this:

Pot is opened, raised and raised again (three play-
ers).

Opener puts in the fourth bet and gets called by both
players.

Opener is pat.

Player Two hesitates a moment and “breaks a Nine.”

Player Three hesitates even longer, and then he too,
shows a Nine as he discards it. “I can see this isn’t
gonna get it,” he says.

After the draw it is PASS, PASS, and Player Three
says: “Oh shit, I caught a Ten….” He has a Ten-six.

Now the pat hand shows his straight Ten. “You got
lucky,” he says, “But I made you break the best….”

What did he do wrong?

Two things. First, he exceeded the value of his hand;
played a worthless hand for four bets, trying to “make a
big play.”

Then he did not bet it after the draw (when was the
last time you broke a Nine because you were convinced it
was no good, and then called with a Ten?).

In No-Limit, “Bluffing” is making a bet he cannot call
because it exceeds the value of his hand by too much; it
is a “pressure bet,” playing the money against the odds.
In Limit, Bluffing is misrepresenting the value of your
hand before the draw (the straight Ten in the preceding
hand would have been Bluffing, and would have won the
pot, if he had followed through with his misrepresenta-
tion of the hand and bet it after the draw).

In Limit, it is called “Snowing a hand” (it’s a “snow
job”) and it begins with the first bet. You cannot
change the value of a hand with one bet, not in a Limit
game.

The point of all this is that the two games are both
Lowball, but to move from one to the other is to change
more than the joint you are playing in. As you are about
to see….

* * *

PLAYING THE RUSH…
(Justin Case

My old lady says I shouldn’t be doing this piece yet.
She says I haven’t exactly been Making A Living at Limit
Lowball. She is right about that, so far, but it remains
to be seen. I have been at it for a couple of weeks,
this time, and I have been playing pretty close to even,
which means we have spent too much money out of my stack.
But that is no big deal; this is not the first time I
have switched to Limit. I am still in action, and
haven’t really had a rush of cards yet. But I will, and
when my four hours of glory come along I will still know
what to do.

My old lady says I am the world’s greatest Lowball
player (about that she’s wrong, his name is San Francisco
Al …) but she thinks I should stay with No-Limit. She
might be right about that too; she is, after all, a
“Professional” (licensed by the city). She deals in the
No-Limit games at the Cameo Club, in Palo Alto (where I
spent my youth doing the same thing) and she thinks the
big Limit games are a crap shoot, for Gamblers, and the
small ones are strictly for the “pleasure players.” She
is certainly right about that — God couldn’t make a
living playing Two-limit. Not if He stayed in the Two.

The mistake my old lady makes is that she knows
“Gamblers” don’t win (the first rule of No-Limit is that
Gamblers do not win, and Winners do not gamble). The
thing she is missing is that some rules apply to some
things, and some other things have other rules.

My old lady sees no difference between Gambling and
Playing Fast. True, they look the same thing, but they
are not. A Gambler is either out there gambling up, or
he is not out there at all. A Fast Player, on the other
hand, is either out there playing fast, or he’s out there
playing not so fast. The Gambler has but one speed; the
Fast Player knows when he is speeding….

The rules in Palo Alto are not the rules in San Jose,
where the name of the game is Limit. It is a different
game, but I have been here before and I know what the
difference is.

I just haven’t had one yet.

The four-hour rush. It is a phenomenon of the Limit
game that comes around at irregular intervals. It is
literally a rush; a head rush … a high. Perhaps the
reason a lot of players play. You can feel a rush in
your cheeks, and sometimes a feeling of euphoria like
when the dentist lets you sniff the nitrous oxide.

Limit Lowball is a game of rushes. You do not pick up
that one big hand. You cannot play around the edges all
night, picking off a few small soft spots — just staying
even, waiting for that pat Six, and a chance to double or
triple your entire stack. The hands in Limit are played
more-or-less the same, regardless of the size of the
game. The trick is in playing in the bigger games when
you are running hot, playing faster when you are making
a lot of hands.

I haven’t really had a rush yet, but I have been
feeling some little flashes. I am beginning to feel good
about the game, and I know what is going to happen before
we get to five thousand words. I’ve been playing in the
Six-limits at the Comstock and at the Garden City. About
half the time I start right out winning and it is a
question of how much I can win; the rest of the time it
is a question of how stuck I am going to get before the
cards change and I get out of the trap.

When I sit down in a Six and win a hundred or so in a
short time, I will jump into a Twenty. I will do this on
seven or eight bets. I am not in action until after I
have made the jump to the Twenty, and after I make that
jump I am looking to jump again; there is no limit to how
high I will go if I keep winning. When I lose the chips
I have on the table, any table, I will go play Pan for a
while, or go home. When I am playing in a Twenty I am
playing with chips I did not buy — I do not buy chips in
a Twenty (if I were into giving you a list of rules, that
would be number one).

That is, put no limit on the amount of money you will
win, and when you are winning put no limit on the size of
the game … but when you come down to the tablecloth in
the bigger game you are at the point where the dollar has
the least value. A stack of five-dollar chips is not a
hundred dollars; it does not look like a hundred dollars,
nor does it feel like it. It is not five times as hard
to buy as a stack of one-dollar chips, and it plays the
same. So don’t buy them; go home and let the value of a
dollar return to normal. Come back tomorrow and buy
those one-dollar chips.

I am not telling you how much money to play for; I
don’t know how much money you have. Add another zero to
all the numbers if you like, start in the 60.00 and jump
to the 200.00 if you like … you are playing for “bets,”
the money amounts are not relevant.

I rarely play in a Deuce (Two-limit) but it is a good
place to start; the action in a Deuce is generally pretty
fast, and if you get lucky you can make enough to jump to
a Four or a Six. Again, the difficult part is in being
able to quit the bigger game if you lose the chips you
have on the table. Whether you are starting in the Deuce
and jumping to the Four or Six, or starting in the Twenty
and jumping to the Eighty, it will kill you at the faster
rate if you blow what you moved with and start buying
more chips. If you start out losing in the Deuce you
will likely stay there (where the chips are ten dollars
a stack) but if you beat the Deuce and jump to a Six, and
then start losing until you are down to the tablecloth,
it is going to cost you thirty dollars for the five bets
you get for ten in the Deuce. If you get stuck in a
smaller game and then move to a larger game and buy more
chips, in the hope of getting even quickly, you will find
that you have found the shortest route to the poker
player’s poor house.

It is really very simple, if you have more chips than
you bought, you are winning, and should be looking to
move up A.S.A.P. — as soon as you make the Buy-in — if
you have less than you bought, the game you are in is big
enough, maybe too big.

In other words, when you are winning play faster and
play for more — if you keep winning the joint will
close, or the game will break up, and you will have to
take a winner home. If you are losing, do it in the
smallest possible game. Or even better, quit. At least,
when you come back down to the tablecloth in a game you
have moved up to, quit. Go back to the smaller game, if
you still feel like playing. Chances are your luck will
change and you can try it again. If that happens don’t
feel disappointed because you didn’t stay in the bigger
game — if you had your luck might have gotten worse. I
suggest that if that happens (you start winning again in
the smaller game) win a Buy-in for tomorrow, and quit.

If you have never played Lowball before, you can learn
to play this game in half an hour. If you have any “card
sense” at all, you can be holding your own within a
couple of sessions. The way the hands are played in a
Deuce is the way the hands are played in a Twenty or an
Eighty (in fact, the bigger games are generally the
faster games). The only element of skill that can be
sharpened enough to make a long-range winner out of you
is your ability to keep yourself under control. That
means controlling your losses. Saving those bad bets.

You think he has an Eight, no worse than an Eight, and
you put in three bets to draw to an Eight, because you
are last and you have the Joker (it is only 7-to-5
against making your Eight). You catch a Nine, and he
comes out betting after the draw. You are sure the Nine
is no good, but maybe he made a mistake and you want to
see if you were right about his hand. You do not like
this call, but you call anyway.

He has an Eight-five.

Now you feel you made a bad bet when you called, you
should have saved that last bet. But you are wrong
again, you did not make a bad bet … you made FOUR bad
bets in that hand.

Saving those bad bets. Ask any experienced Limit
player for the key to the game and she (ladies play too)
will tell you it is saving those bad bets — and she is
not just talking about (this is important!) those bad
calls after the draw. She is talking about not playing
those short-odds hands. Every time you do not make one
of those odds-against bets, you have saved a bad bet.

Ask a really good Limit player (yes Virginia, there
really are Really Good Limit Players …) for the key and
he will tell you it is saving those bad bets and Playing
The Rush … betting the shit out of those “good bets.”

The Live One does not care if you have the best of it,
he will play anyway. He is not even playing the same
game you are playing. He is playing hunches, because
that is all he has to go on. He thinks a one-card draw
to a Bicycle must be played at any price — because you
can’t beat a Bicycle “…and if I don’t play hands like
that, I ain’t playing Lowball….” He is playing
hunches, and you are playing percentages.

If you are consistently drawing rougher than the other
guy, you are just as consistently losing to him. It is
three-to-one against drawing a card and making a Seven,
it always will be three-to-one against — the odds do not
change for the Limit game. But Live Ones play Limit,
too.

It is not really luck that changes. Hands run in
streaks, you must see that they do, and learn to play up
when they are running to you; but a rush of cards is not
a suspension of the law of the Empire, it is not a “Lucky
Streak” where you get to gamble and win for a while,
where you get to beat the odds for a series of hands. A
Rush of Cards is a series of hands where the odds are in
your favor, a series of odds-favored hands.

A Four-card Rush is a series of good one-card draw
hands, good hands before the draw. A Four-card Rush is
bad news, for it doesn’t become a Four-card Rush until
you repeatedly miss on the draw. When you are making
them it becomes a Rush of Cards.

I am probably going to say this again, but it is one
of those things that becomes obvious after you see it:
A Rush of Cards is not a series where you beat the odds,
it’s a series where you get the odds. The cards do not
change so that you get to take the worst of it and win,
they change so that you get the best of it for a series
of hands.

A “Lucky Streak” is drawing three cards three times,
and winning one of them — a Lucky Streak is playing
stupid and winning anyway. You are not waiting for a
Lucky Streak, you are waiting for a rush of cards.

The name of the game is Limit, and the art of the game
is limiting your losses. If you get a rush enjoy it,
jump on it and play on, play it out. Don’t get scared
when you get so “lucky” you feel guilty about it; when
you win nearly every hand you play and you are playing
nearly every hand. A rush is a thing of heat, and you
can feel it when you are hot — and on the other hand,
sometimes you will get so cold it is like sitting in a
car with a dead battery. When that happens, go walk
around the building or something, you cannot start a rush
by pushing it….

And we are stalled here too. We are going to have to
have an understanding of what is meant by “Playing ABC,”
because we can’t talk about playing faster until we have
a point of reference. I am sure you are aware that there
is a point where the Fast Player becomes the Live One.
The Fast Player puts in an extra bet when he has the best
of it — the Live One puts in an extra bet every time he
plays, just in case he gets lucky and overcomes the odds.

Every game has a tough old bird who wins because he
never “gets out of line.” He is the Hard Rock — he has
a formula by which he plays and he never deviates from
it. You can almost tell what he has in his hand by the
way he plays it. He never comes into a pot to draw two
cards, and he never draws to an Eight. He doesn’t try to
bluff. When he raises, his hand is complete and it is
not a Nine.

It is possible to play by a rigid formula and win (the
one in the above paragraph works). It is called “grind-
ing it out,” and it is exactly that. It is a grind, but
learn to do it … because it will save you when you are
cold.

Of course there is a little formula to my play too, I
give considerable thought to the amount of TIME being
paid in the game, and the rate at which the Blinds are
eating into my stack (for example: in a Six-limit I pay
about a bet an hour to the House and the Blinds consume
another bet every eight hands, a total that can run to
thirty dollars an hour if I never play a hand). I have
to win five bets an hour to stay even, and sometimes I
don’t play in five hands an hour. So (and the formula
comes in here) I try to play every hand I play for an
extra bet. The range of hands I find playable is a
little tougher than most — I usually have the best of
it, so I like to play in the big pots. I don’t play in
all the raised pots, but unless I am really salty, all
the pots I play are raised.

You cannot say I play ABC, because I raise on the
come, and I have been known to play a Nine for a lot of
money. The thing I have in mind in this method is the
ratio of the size of the pots to the hourly rate of
forced investment. For instance (this is a variation on
the Empire Tax): In the long run, you can expect to win
with a pat Nine (against one player who draws a card)
about seven times in twelve tries, and you will be dealt
X-number of Nines in any given length of time. If you
play them all, you should end up with a net profit; if
you play only the Nines that fall in a good spot, they
are good enough an investment to justify an extra bet or
two. Some of the biggest pots are won by Nines.

And speaking of the Empire Tax….

The odds in favor of ANY pat Nine, against a one-card
draw, are always going to be at least seven-to-five
(depending upon the Inside Odds). Even if you play them
all, it is the law of the Empire that you will collect a
net percentage of one-sixth of your total investment.

Want it in numbers?

Play 100 hands (pat Nine) against one-card draws….
100.00 per hand. 10,000.00 total investment.

You win seven of twelve (net of two in twelve).

Gross return: 11,666.67.

Your net percentage is more dependable, easier to
collect, than for the No-Limit player — because you do
not face the possibility of a big bet after the draw.

It is as dependable as taxation … and if it is your
Nine, it is your Empire.

If you are going to be the Emperor though, you must
learn patience and perseverance. You gotta give the
people a little credit — let them pay installments —
realize you must lose five of twelve, and one hand is
just one number in an endless chain of numbers. If you
go getting mad at the taxpayers every time one of them
collects a little refund check, you are wasting time on
ire, Sire….

Spare me that crap about thinking like a No-Limit
player. If you play Limit because you think it is easier
— you don’t need to know all those numbers — it does
not necessarily mean you are a loser, but it means you
are lost. It means you are playing in a game you do not
really understand. The value of a hand is often differ-
ent in Limit, but not the odds on your getting it, nor
the odds on its standing up when you do get it.

Consider a pat Eight. When I pick up a pat Eight in
a No-Limit game, and I have (say) three players in the
pot, the raise I put in often wins it right there; or it
will go to heads up, and I have two-to-one the best of
it. When you pick that hand up in a Limit game, the
raise will be called three times and the odds are three-
to-two the hand will not stand up. In my case it is a
return of 200.00 for each 100.00 invested; in your case
it is a return of 300.00 twice, for each 100.00 invested
three times. The net result is the same.

In time.

Of course the plays come down differently, you get
there by a different route, but you are going to the same
destination.

In the Limit game you will never get to play your pat
hand for all your chips (if you have very many) against
a player who is drawing, because even the player who
wants to gamble will not go very far against a suspected
pat hand. And from that side of it, you have to consider
that the player with the pat hand will only pay off one
bet after the draw — you cannot justify taking the worst
of it (paying a big price to hit the deck) on the grounds
of what you can win after the draw. The bigger the pot
before the draw, the higher your percentage when you have
the best of it, to any degree.

You must be aware that even if you are drawing to Ace,
Deuce, Trey and Four, you are taking the worst of it
against a pat hand (nobody plays Tens anymore) but if you
are drawing against two pat hands, your percentage is a
little better. Because you are getting two-to-one on
your money without changing your odds on making the best
hand by quite that much — because of the Five and the
Six, and probably the Seven.

I guess, in the back of my mind, I am thinking of the
player who has not had the cardroom experience. There
was a time when I played poker regularly with a group of
friends; more than once we rented a motel room to spread
a game (when a real Live One wanted to play) and I had
never considered playing in a cardroom. When I first
went into a cardroom (more than twenty-five years ago) it
was like turning on to marijuana. I thought I was
venturing into a world of hustlers and cardsharps. I
thought I was taking a chance on getting hooked on
gambling (like taking that first toke is taking a chance
on becoming a junkie of another kind) but I have found
that Lowball and Draw Poker are not gambling, in the pure
sense of the word. The hustlers and cardsharps all went
to Hollywood … it is a new world. The player raising
you out of your chair might be that little old gray-
haired lady who checks out books at the library.

You cannot play Blackjack, Craps or Roulette, but the
Garden City (for instance) feels like a casino in Nevada.
There are no slot machines, but you can hear the constant
rattling of the chips in the nervous fingers of the
players. Built to look like a big church, it is an
impressive structure. It is a big business.

When you walk in you will be “behind the rail,” in an
area of comfortable sofas for players waiting for a seat
in a game. Here too, is the man at the board. If there
is a game of the size you want that is not full, he will
direct you to a Floorman, who will seat you in a game and
sell you some chips. If there is no seat open he will
put you down for a game (put you on the board). This
area is elevated slightly, and while you are behind the
rail you can look out over the heads of the players at
the forty tables on the playing floor.

Above each table hangs a large chandelier, built to
look like a wheel (that’s apt) with eight spokes. The
lights are in the ends of the spokes and in the center,
if you look closely, you can see a little red light on a
closed-circuit television camera. This is one of the
assurances the player has that the games are straight.

However, don’t kid yourself, and don’t put your faith
entirely in an electronic eye that sees only the visible.
When you deal, count the stub. On the draw you will burn
the first card, and work from a twelve-card stub (eight-
handed). If the draw is 1-1-2, for example, you will
have eight cards left in the stub. If the stub does not
come out right (short a card) make that your last hand.

It happens, but it does not happen often … the
chances are your deck will always come out right; but it
is a comfort to be sure, so count the stub. If it ever
does happen, tell the Floorman about it when you cash in.
These guys are “professionals” too, and they will deal
with it.

I did not mean to do a testimonial for the Garden
City, but it is a class act. An Empire unto itself.

I mention this because the City Mothers feel the
cardroom belongs over with the porno movie houses and the
dirt-book stores. They see the player as some kind of
degenerate who needs to be protected from himself.
Jesus, talk about playing with a short deck … you are
a whole lot safer inside one of these modern cardrooms
than you are on the streets. A whole lot safer in one of
these games than in a private game. The games are
straight, the player is protected, and the people who
play are just people.

I could do a whole section on the laws and regulations
covering the operation of a cardroom, but that would be
a bad percentage bet; let’s let it suffice to say that
the day of the backroom game is ended. Like the bowling
alley and the pool hall, maturity and respectability have
come to the cardroom. The environment is First Class;
the games are played by the rules; quickly, quietly and
straight. You do not play against the House and nobody
is being ripped off.

There is something of a paradox in the law (or at
least, in the Official Attitude) about playing cards.
Gambling is against the law (unless the government has
the House Percentage, as in Horse Racing or the Lotto).
Lowball is a form of Draw Poker, and isn’t really
gambling … it is a game of skill. Lowball is not
against the law because it is not gambling, but it is
subject to regulation by the County and the City, because
gamblers play it; and gamblers need to be protected….

In other words, the gamblers will not get you, but the
good players will.

The essence of the law is right, I guess, because the
good player does win. He wins because the element of
gamble can be controlled. When the cards are not
running, and the best of it is not good enough — when
you just cannot make a hand because your battery is dead
— you can tighten up and grind it out with the Hard
Rock.

When you are gambling too much, making fooling plays
because you are hot and stuck, you will know it. You
will play hands for more money than they are worth, and
you will put in too many bets to draw too many cards too
many times. You will know you are blowing it while you
are blowing it. It will remind you that the good player
wins because he is sitting over there whistling to
himself and playing the percentages against your foolish-
ness.

The Taxman. Playing against him is a bad percentage
bet. You will learn that when you learn that the odds do
not change, but the cards do. They don’t change so that
you can beat the odds for a while; they change so that
you get the odds for a while….

The cards change, and the idea is to be there when
they do — without getting too stuck while you are
waiting. I took my old lady to the Comstock last night
(while I was waiting for this paragraph) and wrote the
perfect lyric for that tune.

The Comstock is another class act; smaller than the
Garden City, less formal, but state-of-the-art neverthe-
less. Last night they were busy, really humming. I like
that, because there are definitely good games and bad
games, and when the joint is buzzing there are always
games where everybody wants to gamble up. Regardless of
the size of the game, the amounts of chips passing
through the pots is a definite variable from game to
game.

The speed of the game is an entity in itself, like the
running of the cards. It is a thing to consider apart
from whether or not you are holding a lot of good cards.
In some games you don’t need good cards; every pot will
be raised and everybody will be trying to make a Nine,
because nobody has a hand and Tens and Jacks are winning
pot after pot.

Two or three guys playing Nines at each other means
most of the pots are being won by Nines. There are more
ways to make a None that all the hands of Eight-or-better
combined. If nobody is playing Nines, only half as many
hands will be played — less than half. Nobody plays
Eights, and you are down to nobody plays much. Somewhere
in there is the speed of the game.

The game I sat into was a beauty. It was a Six, but
it was raining chips in groups of eighteen and twenty-
four, three or four players in every pot. It was the
game I am always looking for, but it was a little faster
than I was prepared for. I had come in with eighty
dollars in my pocket (and twenty of that was already in
action in a Deuce — my old lady doesn’t like Limit, but
she spends all day dealing in games she can’t play in,
and she likes to play). I sat down with ten bets — a
normal buy-in, but in this game it was a matter of lose
three pots in a row and go home. Maybe only two.

But I’m a Player.

When you sit into a Six-limit your first hand must be
on the big Blind (the dealer antes one dollar, the player
to his left antes two, the player on his left antes three
— the player with the most money in the pot “in the
blind” goes last, before the draw). When you sit in any
other seat you do not get a hand unless you double the
Blind (and the Limit, on that one hand).

Doubling the Blind (called, “killing it”) is a bad
percentage bet when you are short — and sixty dollars is
short, in a good game — but what the hell….

After the first hand I was down to thirty-six dollars
and the game was back to Six-to-go (instead of twelve).
Six bets. I should have been in a Four-limit in the
first place; I was supposed to go busted quickly, but it
was one of those nights when everything went the way
everything would go if you were writing a book about it.

For the first hour I threw away hands that were better
than some of the hands some of the players were drawing
to. I was doing little more than watching the speed of
the game and making the Blinds. I anted away twelve more
dollars and then won eighteen. Then I anted away twelve
more. So I had thirty dollars when I picked up my first
real hand.

The pot was opened for six, raised to twelve and a
third player had come in cold for the twelve, when it
came to me. I had a pat Eight-five, and went to three
bets. The opener quit, but the player who put in the
first raise, raised again (made it four bets) and the
player between us again came for two bets. I called,
holding back my one remaining bet on the chance that he
was trying to play a Nine. I did not want him to break
a rough hand.

I was right. He had a Nine-seven and he played it
pat. The other player drew a card and paired Aces (if
the Nine-seven had broken, he would have made a Seven).
I bet the remaining six-dollar bet and he paid it off,
and I had about ninety dollars on the table.

Ninety dollars in a Six is about right, normally. It
is fifteen bets, and that is just about as stuck as you
should allow yourself to get. If you lose fifteen bets
in a game and keep going, the game had better be a really
good one, and you had better have the control to play so
tight you squeak (even so, you are doing one of those
things which will come to be known as one of those things
you should not do).

But that is going in the other direction. We are
talking about a different ninety dollars now. Now it’s
ninety in chips that cost sixty in real money … now it
is five bets of “their money.” On this money, I play a
little faster. If I get to speeding I will crash, and I
am usually able to quit gambling and invest an hour on
waiting for a pat Eight (for you gamble less if you do
not draw, and sometimes while you are waiting for an
Eight, you will find a Six). But again, that is going in
the wrong direction. This time it worked.

Now I had fifteen bets when I picked up the perfect
hand to overplay: Ace, Deuce, Trey and Joker to draw to.

I was in the two-dollar Blind (next to last before the
draw and first after the draw). The pot was opened and
called twice when it came my turn. I raised. The big
Blind passed but the three players in the pot all called
(a total of fifty-one dollars, including the unplayed big
Blind).

I drew a card, caught a six and bet it (in twenty-five
years, I have had this hand beaten only one time). The
first player behind me passed, the second called the six
dollars and the third player raised six more. I raised
again. One pass and one call (seven more bets after the
draw).

Unlike No-Limit, the play of the individual hand is
almost beside the point; I am not trying to tell you how
to play a hand. The point of this is that for the first
hour in this game I did little more than make the Blinds
and watch the action. I took no chances, gambled not at
all, and it worked out that I still had chips on the
table when I finally got a really playable hand.

The Joker-321 might have been played without the
raise, during that first hour, but when I picked it up I
had a little more than ninety dollars on the table and
the game was still a fast game (faster even, for now I
was raising on the come and encouraging the action too).
When I cashed in (from the Twenty) I had a little over
five hundred from my sixty-dollar investment — and my
old lady said it was okay to do this piece now.

And speaking of my old lady, remember the twenty
dollars I gave her when we came in? When I quit she was
playing in a Four-limit, and had a hundred and thirty
dollars. She ran the twenty I gave her up to fifty-five
in the Deuce, and then cashed in the twenty and moved to
the Four with thirty-five. She doesn’t win as consis-
tently as I do because she gambles too much, too soon,
but she is a Player. Give her a rush of cards and you
will find her in the Twenty at the end of the evening.

The name of the game is Limit, but the limit only
applies to an individual bet; there is no limit to the
amount you can win or lose in a given period of time. It
is not a game for children and it is not a game for the
timid. The game is played fast, the action is fast, and
sometimes you can go through a bankroll (or build one) in
a matter of minutes.

To most men (and women) gambling is as natural as
eating; nearly everybody gambles daily, in one way or
another. Bet the horses, buy a sweepstakes or Lotto
ticket, bet a few bucks on a football game; it is all a
matter of degree, the urge to gamble is there in all of
us. Of course there are people whose lives have been
destroyed by gambling; of course there are people who
cannot control their losses, people who have lost their
homes and businesses and like that … but it is not a
fault of the game they play, it is in the way they play
it….

Lowball and Draw Poker played straight (the way they
are played in the casinos of California) are not gambling
in the pure sense of the word. You do not play against
the House and you do not play against a set percentage
(in the odds). You play against other players who may or
may not play the game as well as you do.

And the good player does win.

* * *

LIMIT VARIATIONS…

If you change your mind, and decide to move to Gardena
after all, you will find the game there is a little
different once again. They play Limit Lowball in Gardena
(mostly) but it is not Straight Limit, where every bet is
the same amount. Most of the Gardena clubs play a
version of Limit which has one major difference — the
limit is doubled after the draw….

Before the draw the game is about the same as the game
we just left at the Comstock, but the doubled bet after
the draw does present an opportunity to stand pat and
steal a pot now and then. It is still risky business to
bet a busted hand (one you drew to, as opposed to a hand
played pat) because an eight-dollar bet is not much into
a pot of eight or ten four-dollar bets, but there are
situations….

If I could bet “two bets” after the draw at the
Comstock or Garden City, I would play all those hands
full of sevens and eights. The no-hand-at-all “snowing”
of a hand is bluffing from the start, and has no hope of
winning if anybody makes a hand; it is setting up a
situation where you win if nobody makes an Eight or
better. Snowing a hand is playing those two-to-one odds
against his making an Eight. So give me a hand full of
Eights, and let me double my bet after the draw … it
adds a whole series of pat hand possibilities.

I hate to admit it, but I have never been to Gardena
(that’s like Moses not going to Israel). I am sure I
will, sooner or later, but like I said in the beginning,
there is no reason to move to Gardena; you can find all
the action you want just about anywhere….

Morgan Hill is about as far south as I go — and it is
there that we find the game that splits the difference
between Limit and No-Limit.

Spread Limit….

For some reason I cannot explain, it seems the Spread
Limit game is popular all over the state, but you usually
find it in those little one-cardroom towns in the
country.

Like the Country Casino, in Morgan Hill.

The Country Casino is a six-table joint of recent
vintage (owned by my boss-in-law, and a small group of
Big Apple players from the Cameo Club — the incredible
Whistling Oakie is one of them, so it must be a good
percentage bet). I think it is an investment in the
future of Morgan Hill, a little country town that figures
to be a metropolitan center pretty soon.

The first few times I went down there, it was for a
tournament (forty-eight players buy 40.00 worth of chips
— sometimes 100.00 — and play until all but three are
eliminated by a process of doubling the size of the game
every hour).

My old lady loves to play in these tournaments (in the
money, three tournaments in a row) but to me the attrac-
tion is the games that form from the players eliminated
from the tournament. The action in these games gets
insane — everybody starts out stuck (because of the
tournament) and a Four-to-Twenty can be a big game.

Four-to-Twenty is a Spread Limit game. You can bet as
little as four dollars or as much as twenty, or any
amount between. It is played like No-Limit up to a
point. You have the No-Limit player’s ability to put a
20.00 raise on a four-dollar bet (enough to bring AXIOM
#2 into play on one bet) but you also have the Limit
player’s protection from going busted on one bet.

The best of both worlds? I am not sure about that,
but it certainly does combine elements of both games.

Two-to-Ten is the small game; Eight-to-Forty is
usually the big game. They do play 20.00-to-100.00 at
times, but the 5-5-10 usually goes to No-Limit. It’s up
to the players.

There is another difference in these games — no TIME.
The House does not collect TIME from the players. There
is a Dealer in these games and the Dealer “rakes the pot”
… TIME comes out of the pots, the winners pay the TIME
for everybody (they do this at Artichoke Joe’s too, in
the small games). It is a break for the Short Money
player because there is no overhead, no nut to crack,
while he is waiting for the cards to change. I have
found it makes little difference to me; it costs a little
more than TIME when I am winning a lot of pots, but it
costs nothing when I am not.

This is the game where Percentage Players play the
rush….

And the next step is back to where we started from.

* * *

THE ENDLESS LOWBALL GAME…
(Justin Case)

After you have a grasp on the odds of the game, and
have developed a measure of control over your urges to
defy the odds, you must make the next step. The big
step. That is, you must see that the game today and the
game tomorrow is the same game. It is an endless Lowball
game, and it goes on and on and on….

You are going to play hand after hand after hand. You
are going to win some; you are going to lose some; you
are even going to tie some; but as a Percentage Player,
you know it makes little difference from hand to hand.
You are playing for an average. As a percentage player,
you know you do not have to win this next pot … it
makes little difference whether this next pot turns out
to be one of the pots you won, or not. Each hand is just
another number in an endless chain of numbers….

The Player (note the capital “P”) realizes the law of
averages suffers many infractions, that you cannot depend
on it this hand. The law of averages only tells you who
should win, not who will. Not this hand. And knowing
that, the Player is not disturbed when he has a bad day,
or when the Live One makes that 11-to-1 shot, and draws
out on his pat Six-four. He knows the law of averages
will average out, in time, and he knows he needs no more
than that. He will never panic behind a salty streak and
make another “bad bet,” and then another….

He never gets “hot and stuck.”

Sure I am talking about control — but I am talking
about control based upon a certain knowledge. Do you
think Bill Harrah gets pissed off because some tourist
bet a thousand dollars on twelve-craps, threw two sixes
and won 30,000.00…? Are you aware that Mr. Harrah is
5000.00 ahead on that play — because the true odds are
35-to-1 — his craps table still has five thousand
dollars in its bank that should not be there.

He does not lose as much as he is supposed to lose
when he loses, and he wins more than he is supposed to
win when he wins. Bill Harrah is a Percentage Player.

An Emperor.

I know, that’s craps and this is Lowball, there is a
big difference. And there is, did you know there is no
bet you can make in a casino where the odds are as long
as they are against a one-card draw who has to make an
Eight? The House percentage in most of the casino games
is rarely more than five or six percent (those two green
numbers make the odds against Red or Black work out to
20-to-18, and that’s about as bad as it gets). The odds
against that one-card draw to an Eight are still 2-to-1
(20-to-10).

Still, you know the Roulette wheel cannot lose,
because of those thousands upon thousands of bets, each
paying 18-to-18 when the odds are 20-to-18 (about 5.25%
the best of it). The greater the volume of bets made,
the more assured the percentage, you knew that. So why
don’t you play Lowball the same way…?

Admit it. The toughest thing you are asked to do
is to take that loss. Jesus, it hurts (when that sucker
put all those chips in the pot and then drew out on your
pat Six — talk about the agony of defeat — it was like
being punched in the stomach, it took your breath away).
So what do you do? Buy a thousand, and when he gets out
of line again….

You know what the flaw is here though, don’t you? He
is not going to get out of line again … you are.

Now it is to hell with percentages, to hell with the
best of it, now you are hot and stuck and you are ready
to gamble. And day after tomorrow, when another Live One
makes another dumb play and your pat hand stands up like
it is supposed to do, you will still be stuck the extra
thousand you lost because you forgot about that chain of
numbers, because you went to playing every hand as if it
were going to be the last hand you would ever play. You
forgot about that average you play for.

You forgot there is no last hand in an endless Lowball
game….

SMART MONEY…

Now I am going to tell you to do something I am sure
you will not do. You will see the reason for it, it will
make obvious sense, but you won’t do it anyway. I know
players who can’t learn this one:

And that is, play the money you have in action as if
the money does not count, as if you had a ton of it, as
if it is not real money.

If your play can be affected by the size of your
bankroll, it can only be badly affected. Keep in mind
that the other players (some of them) will be aware you
are playing short money, and they will take advantage.
If you allow anything but percentages to determine
whether or not you play, it will work for them. The odds
do not change because you are playing short money, but
the play often does. If you pass up an odds-favored bet
(a “good bet”) because you are short, you are playing
Scared Money, and you should not be playing at all.

Surely you are familiar with the expression “Smart
Money,” generally taken to mean money bet on a favorite
to win, but not always. Sometimes the Smart Money is on
a 20-to-1 shot, because the bettor has inside information
that mitigates the odds. A horse race, for example: You
know a trainer or jockey who tells you about a 20-to-1
longshot who, for any number of reasons, has a much
better chance than that (they’ve been holding him back,
building up the odds, but this time he is going to go for
it). You don’t know the true odds, but you know they are
a lot less than 20-to-1. Maybe you never bet the horses,
but one who does would call this a Smart Money bet.

In a Lowball game, Smart Money is rarely short money,
for the simple reason that you do not get the true odds
on an all-in bet; you don’t get full value for your
money.

Suppose you have two players in a pot for 20.00 each,
and you go all-in with your last 20.00 (let’s give you a
pat Six this time). You will be getting two-to-one on
your money and will be a heavy favorite to win the pot,
even if they are both drawing to a Wheel. Now what if
one of them bets 50.00 after the draw, gets a 50.00 call
and wins a 100.00 side pot, with a Seven…?

In other words, as a percentage player, every bet you
make is a Smart Money bet (your chances of winning are
always better than the price you pay to play) unless you
cannot cover the bet.

My advice to the short money player? Play Limit, play
for the fun of it, or don’t play. There is no such thing
as a short money percentage player.

BLUFFING…

And then there is the one about Bluffing. Which is
what I would be doing if I said I could tell you when to
do it and when not to. Because I don’t know the players,
and that is the most important aspect to Bluffing.

In a Limit game I do very little bluffing, it is
rarely a good percentage bet. That is, betting a busted
hand is a poor percentage bet. “Snowing a hand” is a
different situation altogether, as we have already
discussed. I will usually try that a time or two (more,
if it works) when I have a hand full of Sevens and Eights
— and I NEVER show the hand if it gets away a winner.
It does not make you macho to show the whole room you
just played the shit out of four Eights! You trying to
be the Cincinnati Kid? Trying to eliminate a whole
series of pat hands from your good bet list…?

I suggest you save those plays until you know all the
players and they have all played hundreds of hands with
you, and nobody has ever seen you make a play like that
before — and if it works, they have still never seen you
make a play like that before….

Hands like that don’t happen often, and when they do
they are not really Bluffing. Four Eights is all the pat
hands between Seven and Nine. When a couple of tourists
call a moderate raise and draw a card, then pass it to
you … four Eights is a better hand than a pat Eight.
Nobody “slipped an Eight,” and you can make it nearly
impossible to call with a Nine, can’t you? Of course
knowing all the Eights are dead is the same as holding
them.

Bluffing is betting a busted hand, using the pressure
of AXIOM #2 to force your opponent to lay down what you
know is the best hand. There are a lot of players who
will pass an Eight, intending to catch someone bluffing,
and end up calling a moderate bet from a player who
thought his Nine, or rougher Eight, was good. But when
the bet is serious, not moderate, they inevitably say:
“I slipped this sucker for action … but not that much
action….” The player who slips that Eight is nearly
always passing it because he is afraid to bet it. Nearly
always. I hope you don’t try to bluff those known
“calling stations.”

When you are playing with “tourists,” and don’t have
a clue about who makes those long calls, try this one
(for starters): the first few times you pair up, just lay
down like a little girl and say something like: “I can’t
bet … I paired up again….”

After you have done that a few times, change horses
and go the other way. Every time you pair up, bet it
like a Seven — and stay on this horse until you get
caught. You might steal a dozen pots before you do get
caught. When you do get caught, be sure everybody knows
it. “You got me … I paired up again….” Lord, I hope
I don’t have to tell you not to show a successful bluff.
The Cincinnati Kid was a loser, remember.

Now that you have been caught bluffing and everybody
knows it, don’t do it again — but now you do not let
them see the pairs you lay down. Your chances of getting
that long call are greatly enhanced now. Now they are
wondering if you were bluffing all the time.

Anything I could tell you about bluffing is subject to
be modified out of existence by your familiarity with the
players, but there are a few yardsticks. First, would he
make that bet with a busted hand? Some players never
bluff, and some bluff every chance they get. Somewhere
between is everybody else. Second, would he make that
bet if he made a hand, if he is looking for a call? A
player with a Six or a Wheel rarely bets enough that it
is a tough call. If the size of the bet and the size of
the pot make you feel you would be pot stuck with an
Eight, you are probably dead with an Eight, and crazy to
call with anything rougher. Try to be suspicious when
they make it easy, don’t double-think yourself into
making what feels like a bad call.

If you are into guessing … well, your guess is as
good as mine. Remember too, that player who bets every
time he pairs up, is not paired up every time he bets.

Laying down the best hand? The player who never does
it is over there by the rail, looking for a stake.

AFTER THE DRAW…

After the draw possibilities modify the odds. I
remember saying that when we were playing a hand which
had no after the draw possibilities, so I said we would
get into after the draw, afterwards.

Now then.

See PLATE FOUR…

And we will play another hand in the Big Apple at the
Cameo Club (20.00 No-Limit).

This one is opened and called for 20.00 by a couple of
Live Ones, each with about 100.00 on the table.

You are ahead of the dealer and the Blinds, but behind
these two. You have 480.00 in front of you and a pat
Eight-six with the Joker in it.

How much to bet?

80.00. That makes it 140.00 in the pot to the first
one, for a 60.00 call (for two-to-one on his money, this
guy will draw two cards). He will play for 60.00 more,
and that will make the other one think he is pot stuck,
he will play “for the action.”

After the draw, either or both will call 40.00 with
just about anything. Your best shot at that other 40.00
is after the draw. Go for it now and you will lose them
both. Your best bet is 80.00, and there is 140.00 in the
pot (including the Blinds).

Looking good … right? Right. And then comes my
hero, whistling a little tune about AXIOM #2, and raising
it 120.00 more! His bet is 200.00….

Now there is 335.00 in the pot.

The two Live Ones are gone.

You have 400.00 more. He has 1400.00.

It is 120.00 to you….

You still have a pat Eight-six with the Joker in it,
and it just went from a heavy favorite to a dead hand in
one bet.

You know the Eight-six is no good, and if you break it
and catch a Seven you are in a world of hurt. Pot stuck
with a marginal hand. But there are three ways to make
a Six, a good Six, and you will have 280.00 more after
the draw.

Three-to-one against making a Six.

335.00 to 120.00.

What this is, is short odds if you miss, but not if
you don’t. Not even the Taxman can get away if you make
the Six. He will have to bet first, into what will be a
455.00 pot (with your call). What this amounts to then,
is this:

615.00 to 120.00 that you can’t make a 3-to-1 shot.

If you don’t play hands like this….

* * *

AFTERWORDS…

THE EMPIRE TAX is the Percentage Player’s income. It
is the amount of money above the odds against the hand.

It works like this: There is 100.00 in the pot; you
have a one-card draw to a Seven, which figures to win,
and it is 30.00 to you. There is ten dollars in Empire
Tax in this pot, on your side of the odds on the money.

The odds against making the hand are three-to-one
(3.00 to 1.00). The odds on the money are 3.33 to 1.00.
In a series of four plays, you will win one time and lose
three. You will win 100.00 once, and lose 30.00 three
times, and put 10.00 in Empire Tax in the bank. The
longer the series of hands the more accurate your
percentage figures to be. Play this hand enough times
and it becomes a cinch 3.33 for 3.00.

If you can win with an Eight, the odds on the money
are still 3.33 to 1.00 — but the odds against the hand
are only two-to-one. Now there is 40.00 in Empire Tax on
your side of the odds on the money. Play this hand three
times; you lose 30.00 twice and win 100.00 once.

If you have to make a Six to win, you are up against
odds of five-to-one. That is, the odds on the money are
3.33-to-1.00, but the odds against the hand are 5.00 to
1.00. You are PAYING an Empire Tax of 1.67 every time
you put 5.00 into a pot at these odds. You are getting
100-to-30 on a 150-to-30 proposition. Play it six times;
win 100.00 once, lose 30.00 five times.

It’s really very simple: If the odds on the money are
greater than the odds against the hand, play the hand.

If there is an element of skill involved it is in your
ability to determine what kind of hand it will take. But
there are not all that many possibilities, and you can
usually come pretty close to the Outside Odds.

THE FORTY-EIGHT UNKNOWN CARDS are the cards from which
you are drawing when you try to make a hand. There are
four of each card you can catch to win, and subtracting
the total of these “live cards” from the forty-eight,
will give you the odds against making the hand.

Drawing one to an Eight, for example, means there
are four different cards you can catch, and there are for
of each of these. Sixteen of the forty-eight unknown
cards are live cards, so thirty-two are not. Thirty-two
ways to miss; sixteen ways to make your hand: two-to-one.

THE JOKER is a hammer when you hold it in your hand.
Those two-to-one odds against making that Eight, are only
seven-to-five now; now it is but two-to-one against
making a Seven.

The presence of the Joker among the unknown forty-
eight cards is no big deal. Disregarding it gives you
the forty-eight, which is such a nice number, and the
four, eight, twelve, sixteen, twenty, twenty-four,
twenty-eight and thirty-two, which all work so well with
it….

Not counting the Joker among the forty-eight changes
the odds against making your hand just enough that when
your odds come out to Dead Even, you are still alive.

THE OUTSIDE ODDS are the odds we have been working
with, the odds against making a hand. The INSIDE ODDS
are the odds on a hand being the best hand when it is up
against a high-card tie.

Whatever the high card in your hand (Nine; Eight;
Seven; Six) the Inside Odds give you the best of it in a
high-card tie, if your hand does not contain the next
largest card. A Nine-seven beats half the Nines possi-
ble; an Eight-six beats twenty of the thirty-five Eights;
a Seven-five beats ten of fifteen Sevens; a Six-four
cannot be beaten by a Six.

A straight Seven has three-to-one the best of it
against a one-card draw to a Six, but a Seven-five has
five-to-one the best of it — because he must make the
Six….

THE TAXMAN is the ultimate percentage player … he
always knows what the odds are, and he always has the
best of it.

That does not mean he is always the favorite to win
the pot. He is not. He doesn’t expect to be. He does
not hesitate to put a hundred dollars into a pot of
220.00 or so, when he knows he has to make an Eight. He
knows he can only win this pot one time in three, but he
knows what that means.

THE ENDLESS LOWBALL GAME is the game the Taxman is
playing in.

When it is a three-to-one proposition, he plays the
hand in a 4-series, he thinks of it as one hand in a
series of four hands. There is no first hand to the
series, or every hand is the first hand, it does not
matter. The series does not start with this hand, nor
does it end with this hand; this hand is just one of the
four. When he gets lucky and wins this hand three or
four times in a row, he knows that doesn’t mean much
either. It does not change the odds on the next hand or
on the next series. The individual hands he wins mean no
more than do the individual losses.

Endless chain.

It’s funny, everybody knows the Taxman is a big
winner; over the years he has always been a big winner.
Everybody knows playing against him is a bad percentage
bet, but everybody does. Some of them swim upstream in
a lot of current (take the worst of it for big bucks)
because they get an extra thrill from beating him. Fast
Eddie Felson after Minnesota Fats….

It is funny because the Taxman couldn’t care less who
beats his hand; when somebody makes a really dumb play
and wins a big pot anyway, he says it’s a good thing they
do that now and then … if they didn’t, they would stop
trying it.

It is not that he cannot be shaken, it is that there
is nothing in this game to shake him with. The Taxman is
the ultimate percentage player, his Empire Tax rate is
the highest in the realm. The odds against his hand are
always less than the odds on the money — every bet he
makes is a Smart Money bet.

* * *

FINAL EXAM…

Last hand. The Big Apple (20.00 No-Limit) and then
four questions. You should answer all four.

See PLATE FIVE…

Friday night at the Cameo Club, full moon, two minutes
to closing time. This is the last hand of the night,
everybody’s last chance to get even. This is the one
where the crazies come out.

And you are first, with Molly Hogan and a number-four
hand to draw to (Q-6542). In this spot, at this time,
with these players, you know you are going to be raised
if you open. You have 120.00 on the table (you have been
playing all evening and you are stuck 80.00).

You open for 20.00.

The Pale White Hunter immediately makes it 120.00.
They call him that because the color drains out of his
face when he picks up a good hand. Right now he is nice
and pink.

That brings in Lou C. Luce, “for the action,” he has
a slick two-card draw. He calls the 120.00.

And then the dread moment … it is on Rocky Hardy,
last before the blinds. Oh shit … he’s counting his
money … he just does have 120.00 … everybody in the
room knows he has a Seven if he makes this call.

He calls.

That’s it. All the Blinds pass, and it is on you for
the 100.00 you have left.

400.00 in the pot so far, including the Blinds.

Q1- Do you put your 100.00 in there?

Q2- Why?

Q3- What if you and Rocky Hardy each have another
100.00 (an additional 100.00, which means you are even
for the day).

Q4- What if you have the Joker?

Now play fair. Before you go on, play out the hand on
PLATE FIVE (so you can see it all) and answer all four
questions completely. This is a test, remember….

If you miss Question #1, you must read this little
book again, before going any further. It is impossible
to miss Question #1 and answer Question #2. If you miss
any of them, you have not been paying attention … and
it is not fair to say you have read THE LOWBALL BOOK….

A1- The answer to question number one is: No.

A2- Because the odds on the money are four-to-one to
you, and you cannot change that after the draw. You will
be all-in at 400 to 100. Because you have to make the
Six to win, and the odds against doing that are five-to-
one. If you could win with a Seven it would be a good
percentage bit, but the Inside Odds kill your Seven. You
will probably play anyway, but the answer is no, because
it is a bad percentage bet.

A3- If you and Rocky Hardy each have 100.00 more, the
hand is a coin flip. Five-to-one on the money and five-
to-one against the hand. You can assume Rocky’s 100.00
is yours if you make the Six, so it is 500.00 to this
100.00 call. Your bet after the draw is not relevant.
Its only function in this pot is to pick up the 100.00
Rocky Hardy is adding to the bet against you making your
hand. If you have 100.00 more, the other two players
make it a definite go situation. They add 200.00 to your
possibilities after the draw.

A4- Go for it. The odds on the money are still four-
to-one — but now the odds against the hand are only
three-to-one. This is the bet you are looking for.
Series of four: lose 300.00 and win 400.00. This is the
Percentage Player’s hand.

The Percentage Player likes this hand because he is
playing for an average — he knows his income comes from
the net result of a series of hands in which he often
loses more pots than he wins. He doesn’t really expect
to win this pot, but he knows he will win it often enough
to come out ahead.

And that’s where it’s at….

* * *

THE PLATES (TABLE CHARTS)….
Set your printer to 60-lines:
(Top/Bottom margins, .5 inch)

_____________________________
line 1.

PLATE ONE

——————
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
——————

—————— ——————
|1-OPEN 8.00| |2-CALL 8.00|
|5-PASS — | |6-PASS — |
| | | |
| | | |
|200.00 8.00| |200.00 8.00|
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 4.00| |3-CALL 8.00|
| | |7- |
| | $112.00 | (Q-6421) |
| | (72.00 TO CALL) | |
| | |75.00 8.00|
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 2.00| |4-RAISE 80.00|
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | |150.00 80.00|
—————— ——————

——————
|DEALER 2.00|
| |
| |
| |
| |
——————

1- Play begins after BLINDS; a blank position is a PASS.
2- Plays are numbered in order.
3- Pot shows total (including Blinds) after last play.
4- Amount lower left (each position) is amount on table.
5- Amount lower right is total invested in this pot.
6- Amount shown after RAISE includes CALL amount.
7- Position with hand (shown) is your position.
8- It is on you….

line 1.

PLATE TWO

——————
|2-CALL 20.00|
|7-PASS — |
| |
| |
|450.00 20.00|
——————

—————— ——————
|1-OPEN 20.00| | |
|6-PASS — | | |
| | | |
| | | |
|200.00 20.00| | |
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 10.00| |3-CALL 20.00|
|5-RAISE 210.00| |8-PASS — |
| | $205.00 | |
| | (100.00 TO CALL) | |
|1000.00 120.00| |300.00 20.00|
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 5.00| | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| 5.00| | |
—————— ——————

——————
|DEALER 5.00|
|4-CALL 15.00|
|9- |
| (QQ43Jkr) |
|100.00 20.00|
——————

1- Play begins after BLINDS; a blank position is a PASS.
2- Plays are numbered in order.
3- Pot shows total (including Blinds) after last play.
4- Amount lower left (each position) is amount on table.
5- Amount lower right is total invested in this pot.
6- Amount shown after RAISE includes CALL amount.
7- Position with hand (shown) is your position.
8- It is on you….

line 1.

PLATE THREE

——————
|1-OPEN 6.00|
|6-CALL 14.00|
|9-PASS — |
| |
|90.00 20.00|
——————

—————— ——————
| | |2-CALL 6.00|
| | |7-CALL 14.00|
| | |10-PASS — |
| | | |
| | |60.00 20.00|
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 3.00| |3-ALL-IN 20.00|
|5-CALL 17.00| | |
|8-PASS — | $102.00 | |
| | (On you, to bet) | |
|120.00 20.00| | —- 20.00|
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 2.00| | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| 2.00| | |
—————— ——————

——————
|DEALER 1.00|
|4-CALL 9.00|
| (6321) |
|11- (8-6321) |
|200.00 20.00|
——————

1- Play begins after BLINDS; a blank position is a PASS.
2- Plays are numbered in order.
3- Pot shows total (including Blinds) after last play.
4- Amount lower left (each position) is amount on table.
5- Amount lower right is total invested in this pot.
6- Amount shown after RAISE includes CALL amount.
7- Position with hand (shown) is your position.
8- It is on you….

line 1.

PLATE FOUR

——————
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
——————

—————— ——————
|1-OPEN 20.00| | |
|5-PASS — | | |
| | | |
| | | |
|100.00 20.00| | |
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 10.00| |2-CALL 20.00|
| | |6-PASS — |
| | $335.00 | |
| | (120.00 To Call) | |
| 10.00| |100.00 20.00|
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 5.00| |3-RAISE 80.00|
|4-RAISE 195.00| |7- |
| | | (8-632Jkr) |
| | | |
|1400.00 200.00| |400.00 80.00|
—————— ——————

——————
|DEALER 5.00|
| |
| |
| |
| 5.00|
——————

1- Play begins after BLINDS; a blank position is a PASS.
2- Plays are numbered in order.
3- Pot shows total (including Blinds) after last play.
4- Amount lower left (each position) is amount on table.
5- Amount lower right is total invested in this pot.
6- Amount shown after RAISE includes CALL amount.
7- Position with hand (shown) is your position.
8- It is on you….

line 1.

PLATE FIVE

——————
|2-RAISE 120.00|
| |
| |
| |
|800.00 120.00|
——————

—————— ——————
|1-OPEN 20.00| | |
| | | |
| (Q-6542) | | |
| | | |
|100.00 20.00| | |
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 10.00| |3-CALL 120.00|
| | | |
| | $400.00 | |
| | (100.00 To Call) | |
| 10.00| |600.00 120.00|
—————— ——————

—————— ——————
|BLIND 5.00| |4-CALL 120.00|
| | | |
| | | (a Seven) |
| | | |
| 5.00| | — 120.00|
—————— ——————

——————
|DEALER 5.00|
| |
| |
| |
| 5.00|
——————

1- Play begins after BLINDS; a blank position is a PASS.
2- Plays are numbered in order.
3- Pot shows total (including Blinds) after last play.
4- Amount lower left (each position) is amount on table.
5- Amount lower right is total invested in this pot.
6- Amount shown after RAISE includes CALL amount.
7- Position with hand (shown) is your position.
8- It is on you….

*end*

A Database Of Love Poems By Kevin Solway 1992 (Version 1.6)

—————————————————————

– THE LOVE BASE –

A Database of Love Poems

– being –

An Exercise in Idealism

For the romantic spirit

Version 1.6

Copyright (c) Kevin Solway 1992

—————————————————————

Short description: Over 280 great love poems for idealists

Long description:

THE LOVE BASE contains over TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY of the very
best love poems to bring fire to even the coldest of hearts, and
to awaken the idealist within your soul. Use these poems as an
inspiration to write your own love poems, and to win the heart
of that special person (or scare them away). Learn of love’s
beauty, fantastic love, erotic love, the contradictions of love,
love’s lies, the humour of love, and much more.

—————————————————————

Files on the distribution disk:

LOVEBASE.EXE: The main program

LOVEBASE.DOC This documentation

REGISTER.FRM Registration form

—————————————————————

– A word about user supported software: –

The user supported software concept (usually referred to as
shareware) is an attempt to provide software at low cost. The
cost of offering a new product by conventional means is
staggering, and hence dissuades many independent authors and
small companies from developing and promoting their ideas. User
supported software is an attempt to develop a new marketing
channel, where products can be introduced at low cost.

If user supported software works, then everyone will benefit.
The user will benefit by receiving quality products at low cost,
and by being able to “test drive” software thoroughly before
purchasing it. The author benefits by being able to enter the
commercial software arena without first needing large sources of
venture capital.

But it can only work with your support. We’re not just talking
about THE LOVE BASE here, but about all user supported software.
If you find that you are still using a program after a couple of
weeks, then pretty obviously it is worth something to you, and
you should send in a contribution.

—————————————————————

– REGISTRATION/LICENCE –

NOTE: This program is not free, but is a “shareware”
try-before-you-buy product. To become a registered user of
THE LOVE BASE, you need to fill-out the following (or the
accompanying registration form) and send it to me at the address
below:

THE LOVE BASE version 1.6

Registration (v1.6)………. @ $ 10.00 ea $ ______

If you want to be sent a copy of the
latest version of THE LOVE BASE when
it becomes available, add $6 for
postage and handling ………. $ 6.00 $ ______

Total $ ______

Name : ____________________________________________________________

Address: ____________________________________________________________

: ____________________________________________________________

: ____________________________________________________________

I would also appreciate any input you would care to give concerning
THE LOVE BASE. If you have any ideas or comments that would make this
a better program, then please let me know.

If you have some favourite love poems that are not included in THE
LOVE BASE then please send a copy of them to us so we can include
them.

Comments and/or suggestions:
____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Please remit to:

Kevin Solway
P.O Box 207
University of Queensland
St Lucia 4067
Australia

DISCLAIMER

This program is provided AS IS without warranty, expressed or
implied.

—————————————————————

– USING THE LOVE BASE –

Just type LOVEBASE from the DOS prompt and press the return key
to run the program.

All function keys are displayed on the screen.

Select section from the menu. Bring the menu up at any time by
pressing the letter “M”.

Find text by pressing “F”. Use this to search for an author’s
name or for keywords. A global search will search from the very
first entry through to the very last. A local search is
considerably faster but searches only the section you are
currently viewing.

Repeat the last find operation by pressing “R”.

Print the currently displayed entry by pressing the letter “P”.

Send the currently displayed entry to a text file on disk by
pressing “T”.

“G”o to entry number. Goes immediately to the entry number
specified.

Up and down arrow keys move through the entries one at a time.

Pressing the spacebar moves forward through the entries one at
a time.

Home and end keys move to the first and last entries
respectively.

—————————————————————

– THE PURPOSE OF THE LOVE BASE –

We live in an age devoid of ideals, devoid of dreams, devoid
of hope. The dollar is our God, television our mentor, the
newspaper our Bible. Drugs and sex make our heaven. Nobody
even thinks of perfection as we strive headlong for mediocrity
with workman-like efficiency.

We are dying.

The ideal of perfect romantic love is far from being the
loftiest of ideals. It hardly compares with the ideals of
knowledge and wisdom. But the romantic ideal is far superior to
the so-called ideals of material wealth and power.

An ideal is the most wonderful disease, for it makes one
totally dissatisfied with life. Only then can one look higher,
higher, and maybe . . . begin . . . to think.

—————————————————————

Other shareware programs by the same author:

BREEZE: Word processor/text editor, many features. Can turn
your ordinary text files into stand-alone executable
programs (with viewing & searching features) for you
to distribute. Analyze readability, check spelling,
statistical analysis, sorting, indexing, multiple
files/windows. Very easy to learn and use.

TEXTLIFE: Text file to .EXE program converter.

CONTROL3: File manager, lists three drives/directories on screen
simultaneously.

LIFEGAME: Graphical simulation of natural systems.

DI: Directory program for moving quickly around your
hard disk.

PCONTROL: Printer controller program.

PVIEW: Graphical text print previewer.

POWER WORDS: 5000 quotes at your fingertips – fast! All packed
into a single executable program.

And four computer books:

POISON FOR THE HEART: The ultimate philosophy.

Written in an aphoristic style for those who don’t like to waste
their time with padding. Discusses the law of cause and effect
and its far reaching ramifications. Investigates the nature of
the ego, attachment, religion, men and women. Arguably the only
book a thinking person needs to read.

WIT FOR WISDOM: Compact truth.

“Wit for Wisdom” is a compilation of the most incisive gems of
wit, along with a few drops of my own blood. Unlike normal
collections of quotes, aphorisms and apothegms, this work has
both a purpose and a message. So this is not so much a book for
wits, but for thinkers. Wit for wisdom is a kind of wit that is
too witty even for wits. Of all the areas of interest covered
in this work, the subjects of the sexes and the relationships
between them predominate, they being responsible for the larger
part of our foolishness. The viewing program allows you to send
the text to your printer or to a text file on disk.

VENOM CRYSTALS:

A compilation of the most powerful spiritual/philosophic
writings of all time. Includes the best from Buddhism,
Christianity, Hinduism, Taoism, Kierkegaard, and Nietzsche.

LETTERS BETWEEN ENEMIES:

Amazing correspondence between two thinkers. Explores the life
experiences and philosophies of two friends on the path to
Knowledge.

* All these shareware programs are available from me,
the author at:

Kevin Solway
PO Box 207
University of Queensland
St Lucia 4067
Australia

—————————————————————

– Contribution from a user –

“Love hurts”

by John E. Pickersgill
Tasmania

I knew a man called Tom McPherson.
He was a very clumsy person.
Two left arms and two left feet,
The clumsiest man you’d ever meet.

Each step he took he fell down twice.
He tripped and stumbled all through life.
Accidents that couldn’t happen
Were Tom McPherson’s daily pattern.

Now you may doubt and you may scoff,
But he’s fell in and he’s fell off,
Everything you’d care to mention,
Although, it’s not been his intention.

One day in Spring he fell again,
In love this time with clumsy Gwen.
Her two left feet and two left arms,
He thought her most appealing charms.

Of course you’d have no doubt at all
That they were married in the fall,
And at the altar said “I do”,
While falling down a time or two.

A honeymoon of carefree bliss,
They fell off that, they fell off this,
But they fell more in love than ever,
Having accidents together.

Weeks of love, of joy and rapture,
Of bruises, cuts, sometimes a fracture,
Sweet memories shared of true romance
Travelling home by ambulance.

But now here comes the tragic part,
A bit to wring the hardest heart.
They both were fell on by a horse,
It was an accident – of course.

Life’s ups and downs are unremitting,
Their end was sad but strangely fitting.
An ending flat, yet nice and neat,
The horse you see, had four left feet.

—————————————————————

—————-end-of-author’s-documentation—————

Software Library Information:

This disk copy provided as a service of

Public (software) Library

We are not the authors of this program, nor are we associated
with the author in any way other than as a distributor of the
program in accordance with the author’s terms of distribution.

Please direct shareware payments and specific questions about
this program to the author of the program, whose name appears
elsewhere in this documentation. If you have trouble getting
in touch with the author, we will do whatever we can to help
you with your questions. All programs have been tested and do
run. To report problems, please use the form that is in the
file PROBLEM.DOC on many of our disks or in other written for-
mat with screen printouts, if possible. PsL cannot debug pro-
programs over the telephone, though we can answer questions.

Disks in the PsL are updated monthly, so if you did not get
this disk directly from the PsL, you should be aware that the
files in this set may no longer be the current versions. Also,
if you got this disk from another vendor and are having prob-
lems, be aware that some files may have become corrupted or
lost by that vendor. Get a current, working disk from PsL.

For a copy of the latest monthly software library newsletter
and a list of the 4,000+ disks in the library, call or write

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or for general information,
Call 1-713-524-6394

Suggestions And Hints For Lottery Beating

(word processor parameters LM=8, RM=75, TM=2, BM=2)
Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501
Sponsored by Vangard Sciences
PO BOX 1031
Mesquite, TX 75150

There are ABSOLUTELY NO RESTRICTIONS
on duplicating, publishing or distributing the
files on KeelyNet except where noted!

May 20, 1992

LOTTO.ASC
——————————————————————–
This file is from the June 1992 – Texas Monthly which was in turn
adapted from Austin entertainer Turk Pipkin’s new book,
The Winner’s Guide to the Texas Lottery.
It is published by Softshoe Publishing Company.

This copyrighted article in its’ entirety is called Smart Money and
is written by Turk Pipkin. This file is to help those who plan to
indulge in the soon-to-be TEXAS lottery.
——————————————————————–

from
Smart Money
by Turk Pipkin

Tip 1 – DON’T SPEND MORE THAN ONE PERCENT OF YOUR INCOME ON THE
LOTTERY – MAX! You may well find yourself tempted to
increase your chances by buying beaucoup lottery tickets.
But no ordinary person could ever buy enough tickets to
guarantee a win. Consider this: The most common lotto
game has 14 million betting combinations, so if you buy 1
ticket, the odds will be 1 in 14 million. If you buy 50
tickets, the odds will be 50 in 14 million. Does that
sound better? Only 1 in 54 tickets wins any prize at all.
So don’t spend yourself into the poorhouse.

There is no correct or best or normal amount to bet.
Annual lottery sales per person vary around the country
from just $30 a year in Kansas to more than $250 in
Massachusetts. Limiting your spending to one percent is a
good rule of thumb. If you make $25,000 a year, that
works out to $250 a year, or about $5 a week – plenty of
opportunity for thrills and chills without breaking your
budget.

The best game plan is to play for the fun of it and for
your dreams, not because you seriously believe that you’re
going to win. (Being certain that you’re going to beat
the lottery is a little like hitting yourself in the head
with a ball peen hammer and being certain that it won’t
hurt – except hitting yourself in the head with a hammer
doesn’t cost a buck a whack.)

Tip 2 – DON’T SPEND ALL YOUR LOTTERY MONEY THE FIRST WEEK; THE
ODDS WILL GET BETTER. The first Texas Lottery game, Lone

Page 1

Star Millions, is an instant scratch-off game. It’s easy
to play and just as easy to lose. You buy a ticket for $1
from a lottery vendor and scratch off the latex coating
that conceals dollar amounts printed in six small squares.
If three of those amounts match, you will win that much.
Odds and prizes range from 1 in 10 to win $2 to 1 in
600,000 to win $10,000. The overall odds of winning any
prize are 1 in 7.9. That’s not exactly a consumer
bargain, and it won’t be long before players figure that
out and tire of having only one chance of winning in every
eight plays.

Early burnout has been anticipated by the Texas Lottery’s
advertising and operations contractors, who are masters of
marketing and lottery strategy. As sales fall off, they
plan to introduce new games with better odds to keep
players interested.

So while you may be tempted to bet heavily in the first
two games because they will offer $1 million grand prizes,
you should consider holding off. The third and fourth
games – scheduled to be introduced simultaneously late
this summer – will offer a double-prize feature and a
higher overall percentage of winners. Eventually, up to
six different instant games will be offered at any one
time.

The main thing to remember is to watch the payout odds –
which will be printed on the game brochures available at
all 15,000 initial ticket outlets. These odds will change
with each game, and you might as well concentrate on those
that offer you the best chance of winning. Many states
now offer instant games with very decent 1 in 4 overall
odds, and so will Texas. Watch for them.

Tip 3 – DON’T THROW AWAY A MILLION BUCKS! If you scratch off an
instant ticket and find three windows showing the word
“Entry” instead of a dollar amount, don’t worry; you
haven’t lost. In fact, you have a chance to win big.
Write your name and address on the back of the ticket and
mail it to the Texas Lottery (the address is also on the
back). Twelve drawings will be held in various locations
throughout the state, and the lucky winner will get
$100,000,000.

What are your chances? of 300 million tickets in game
one, 500,000 will be Entry tickets. That may not sound
great, but remember: Not everyone who gets an Entry ticket
will go to the trouble of mailing it in. That will
increase the chances of those who do, so keep those
tickets in.

Tip 4 – PLAY FOR FREE! Pay attention to the promotions that may be
offered by the lottery and by ticket vendors. For
instance, many retailers may offer “Ask for the Sale”
promotions, in which you get a free ticket if the clerk
forgets to ask if you would like to buy one. Participating
service stations will also be allowed to give away free
tickets with a fill-up of gas, and food stores can give

Page 2

free tickets for buying turkeys at Thanksgiving (and what
better symbol for a bunch of die-hard lottery players than
a bunch of frozen turkeys?). Don’t pass up a free
opportunity.

Tip 5 – DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON WORTHLESS LOTTO SYSTEMS! This
fall we will see the introduction of the big game with the
giant jackpots – lotto, which is based on a centuries-old
gambling game that originated in Italy. The Lottery
Commission has yet to decide on the specifics, but the game
will probably be a 6/49 or 6/50 lotto. This takes a minute
to explain, so bear with me:

1) On each ticket, 49 or 50 numbers are printed; these
numbers are called the field.
2) From the field, a player selects 6 numbers, called
his pick.
3) Every Saturday night on live TV – possibly in the
commercial slot just before the ten o’clock news –
the Texas Lottery will use a special machine filled
with Ping-Pong balls bearing printed numbers to pick
six winning numbers.

Given the size of the potential prize – you may remember
Florida’s $106.5 million – and the devastating odds against
winning – 1 in 14 million for 6/49 lotto; 1 in 16 million
for 6/50 – everyone wants a system. This is where you want
to be cautious. Hundreds of overpriced schemes are on the
market; pocket calculators, computer software, even lotto
biorhythm charts, all ballyhooed as ways to pick winning
numbers.

And those are the more plausible scams. Once the lottery
really gets going here, you can expect a cottage industry
to spring up offering to convert your birthday, your
astrological sign, and even more arcane phenomena, like
dates of sightings of the Loch Ness monster, into mystical
numbers that you can use to play lotto. Anyone who claims
to be able to see the future of a lotto drawing and offers
to sell you that information for $50 or $100 must be
generous indeed.

Worst of all, many mathematical systems can cost a bundle.
Some of them (many are sold through the mail) involve using
eight, nine, or ten numbers in complex betting combinations
that necessitate spending $20, $50, or $100 a week on
lotto.

Taking these methods seriously is just asking for trouble.
Don’t spend big money on any system to pick your numbers.
Your odds are better if you put your money into tickets.

Tip 6 – DON’T PLAY FREQUENTLY BET NUMBERS! Since there is no sure
way to make lotto predictions, the most logical tactic is
to avoid sharing a jackpot in case your numbers are drawn.

Research shows that many if not most players select low
numbers. Why? Because they choose from the same small
group of numbers 1 through 12 (the months), 1 through

Page 3

31 (the days), and the number 19 (the century) are all
overplayed. Of those, 3, 7, and 11, all considered to be
lucky, are REALLY overused.

Another factor favoring low numbers is that people marking
play slips often make all six choices before they get above
the twenties or thirties. In one drawing of the Maryland
Lottery, 3,200 people played the numbers 1 through 6. If
those numbers had been chosen, the winners would have had
to split the $620,000 jackpot and would have won less than
$200 each. Conclusion: Play at least SOME high numbers.

Tip 7 – YOU CAN WIN WITH QUIKPICKS! The simplest way to pick your
numbers may well be the best: Let the computer do it for
you. All you have to do is tell your clerk at your lotto
ticket outlet that you want onr or more Quik Picks. He
pushes a button, and the machine picks six numbers for you,
charging a buck a ticket.

The reason this works is that playing Quik Picks guarantees
that you will have random numbers. That way you avoid the
pitfalls outlined in Tip 6, and you have less of a chance
of sharing a jackpot with all those other people. Surveys
in many states show that a majority of jackpot winners were
Quik Picks. How can this be? Because the majority of
lotto tickets sold WERE Quik Picks.

Tip 8 – ALWAYS CHECK THE WINNING LOTTO NUMBERS AGAINST YOUR
NUMBERS! Could anybody be dumb enough NOT to CHECK his
numbers? Well, YES! In 1989 a $5.4 million Illinois
jackpot went unclaimed for one year, was declared void, and
the money was returned to a pool for future prizes. Every
lottery state has had similar incidents.

How does this happen? Plenty of people ask the clerk for a
lottery ticket and get a lotto Quik Pick instead of the
instant ticket they wanted. They stick that ticket in
their wallet or purse and forget about it. And if they
regularly play Quik Picks instead of playing the same
numbers every time, they don’t have the numbers committed
to memory, and they must check the current ticket to see if
they have won. Diggout out the tickets is more trouble,
but the rewards could be worth it.

Unclaimed prize money in Texas, you may be glad to hear,
also will BE RETURNED to the player’s prize pool.

Tip 9 – PLAY LOTTERY POOLS! Lottery pools are groups of people –
family members, neighbors, co-workers – who pool their
money to buy more tickets than any of them could afford
individually. If any of the tickets wins a prize, everyone
shares the money. Whoever organizes the pool collects the
money, buys the tickets, and keeps a simple written
contract stating that winnings will be divided equally
among all members.

Say thirty people chip in $3 a week. Each of them now has
ninety opportunities to win a share of the jackpot, and no
one has spent a fortune. A $15 million jackpot split among

Page 4

thirty winners would pay each of them $20,000 a year for
twenty years, after taxes.

You may have read about a commercial Australian lottery
pool called the International Lotto Fund that won $27
million in March by covering all seven million combinations
in the Virginia Lottery. Smooth move, but every lottery in
the country has since changed its rules to prevent such
massive block buying of tickets. That means your own
lottery pool at home or work is still your best chance to
win.

Tip 10 – PLAY WHEN THE JACKPOT IS HIGH, BECAUSE SO IS THE VALUE OF
YOUR BET! When the lotto jackpot is not won for several
weeks, a fever grips the land. People who were previously
blase’ wait in line for hours to buy tickets. The lottery
occupies the news, cocktail party conversation, and
valuable work time. It is blamed for everything short of
causing hens to quit laying.

Some people think that having more players in the game will
ruin their odds, but it’s just not so. The odds of winning
remain unchanged. The odds of having to share the big
prize ARE higher, but since the jackpot is bigger, that
isn’t such a big deal.

Maybe you’ll win, maybe you won’t. The point is that if
you play for fun, you can have a few thrills, and if you
play smart, you’ll know you’ve done everything you can to
boost your chances. It’s like life; the odds are against
you, but may the fours be with you.

——————————————————————–

If you have comments or other information relating to such topics
as this paper covers, please upload to KeelyNet or send to the
Vangard Sciences address as listed on the first page.
Thank you for your consideration, interest and support.

Jerry W. Decker………Ron Barker………..Chuck Henderson
Vangard Sciences/KeelyNet

——————————————————————–
If we can be of service, you may contact
Jerry at (214) 324-8741 or Ron at (214) 242-9346
——————————————————————–

Page 5

Brochure For Loglan, The “Logical Language”

[Poster’s note: This file is a copy of the descriptive text contained
in a brochure which The Loglan Institute sends out in response to an
initial request for information, plus brief descriptions of some of
the materials available for purchase. For a printed copy of the bro-
chure or any other information, write to The Institute at the address
given here, or send CompuServe MAIL to Kirk Sattley 76010,1363.]

THE LOGLAN INSTITUTE, INC.
A Non-Profit Research Corporation
3009 Peters Way
San Diego, CA 92117

What Is Loglan?

Loglan* is a speakable, human language originally designed to
serve as a test of the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis that the structure of
local human languages places local constraints on the development of
human thought, and hence, on human cultures. If this hypothesis is
correct, a language which “lifted” those constraints — that is to
say, which reduced them to some formal minimum — should in a certain
sense “release” the human mind from these ancient linguistic bonds
and, in any case, have notable effects on both individual thinking and
on the development of a global human culture.

Since its original development in the late 1950’s and 1960’s
Loglan has acquired certain other properties that make it interesting
to computer science, principally (1) its total freedom from syntactic
ambiguity. This feature of the language, together with (2) its audio-
visual “isomorphism” (which means that the Loglan speechstream breaks
up automatically into fully punctuated strings of separate words) and
(3) its borrowing algorithm (by which the International Scientific
Vocabulary goes into Loglan virtually ad libitum) makes it an ideal
medium for three uses: (i) for international information storage and
retrieval, (ii) for machine-aided translation between natural lan-
guages, and (iii) for spontaneous interaction between computer-users
and their machines. Finally, Loglan is (4) culturally and politically
neutral in the sense that its basic predicate vocabulary has been
engineered to be maximally memorable to speakers of the eight most
widely spoken human languages: English, Chinese,Hindi, Russian,
Spanish, French, Japanese and German.

All these features taken together have suggested to many loglan-
ists that their adopted language is ideally suited to become a second
language for the world. For others, conducting a scientific test of
the Whorf hypothesis with Loglan has the highest priority. For still
others, its use at the human/machine interface is the most challenging
role for Loglan in the years ahead.

Going Public Again

Your inquiry reaches The Institute at a most interesting time.
Loglan is in the midst of “going public again”. This is the third
and, we trust, final time. The first time we went public was in 1960,
when James Cooke Brown’s article on “Loglan” was published in the
Scientific American for June of that year. (Reprints of this article
are still available.) The second time was in 1975, when two of our
books, Loglan 1, a grammar, and Loglan 4 & 5, a dictionary, were pub-
lished in paperback for the first time. The 15-year interval between
the 1st and 2nd “goings public” was mainly occupied by three activi-
ties: (a) the development of Loglan grammar on computers, (b) the
construction of its internationally-based lexicon, and (c) the prepa-
ration of the several earlier editions of the 1975 volumes. The
similar interval between the 2nd and 3rd “goings public” was mainly
occupied by engineering three final design features into the language.
One of these was the formal discovery and demonstration of the syntac-
tically unambiguous grammar mentioned above. This feature had long
been planned but had had to wait for the development of mathematical
tools powerful enough to install it; these became available in 1975.
Another engineering challenge was to build a set of decipherable word-
parts from which all the complex predicates of the language could be
recognizably constructed. Still a third engineering task was to build
its “borrowing algorithm”, the procedure by which natural language
words, but especially the International Scientific Vocabulary, may now
be freely incoroporated into Loglan. These last two features together
implement yet another long-planned function of the language, namely
that it should be capable of rapid, spontaneous, and yet continuously
intelligible growth.

In short, modern Loglan is now ready for its many uses. Here are
the publications and services which The Institute has prepared to let
you examine this extraordinary language and decide whether and how you
wish to use it.
_________________________
*`Loglan’ is a registered trademark of The Loglan Institute, Inc.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

[Poster’s note: The following is a much abbreviated extract from four
pages of descriptions of materials available. I have chosen the ones
I thought most likely to interest an inquiring language-lover,
especially one who uses a personal computer.]

BOOKS

Loglan 1: A Logical Language
by James Cooke Brown, 4th Edition, 1989;
599pp. A general introduction and complete description of the Loglan
language. Has detailed explanation of the language’s syntax and word-
construction, as well as pronunciation guides, historical notes,
specimen translations, word-lists, and a chapter on testing the Whorf
hypothesis. [$21.50]

Loglan 4 & 5: A Loglan-English/English-Loglan Dictionary,
collated by
JCB, 2nd Edition 1975; 510pp. [New edition in preparation, old one
still useful as word-source when checked against new Loglan 1.]
[Paperback $10.00; Hardback $15.00]

SOFTWARE [All available for both PC-DOS machines and Macintoshes]

MacTeach* 1: Forming Loglan Utterances,
MacTeach 2: Learning Loglan Words,
MacTeach 3: Learning Loglan Affixes,
by Robert A. McIvor, Evelyn R.
Anderson, and JCB, 1st Edition 1989. All of these use the “learning
ladder” technique developed at The Institute to teach both utterance
formation and vocabulary acquisition. The technique helps the learner
master long lists of items with minimum overlearning and error-making.
MacTeach 1 comes with an input file of about 400 utterances, covering
about 75% of the grammar. MacTeach 2 has an input list of more than
900 primitive words. MacTeach 3 has the complete set of combining
affixes used for forming complex predicates.
[$20.00 each, all three on one disk $50.00]

LIP*, The Loglan Interactive Parser*,
by RAM, Scott L. Burson, JCB,
and other workers on the Machine Grammar Project. LIP will produce a
parse-tree or sentence-diagram syntactic analysis of any grammatical
sentence that is submitted to it, as well as pointing out where an
ungrammatical sentence went wrong. LIP can also parse a text file,
either utterance-by-utterance or all at once, and allows individual
utterances to be modified interactively until they are correct. It is
thus a useful tool for an aspiring Loglan writer as well as a
practically indispensable one for a teacher or editor. [$50.00]

AUDIO RECORDINGS

Cassette 1: Readings from Loglan 1, Chaps 2-4,
Cassette 2: Readings from Loglan 1, Chaps 5,6.
On these two
cassettes, all the Loglan sentences in Chapters 2 through 6 of Loglan
1 are plainly pronounced by competent readers, so the learner will
learn to speak the entire grammatical range of Loglan utterance forms
correctly. [$10.00 for each cassette]

MEMBERSHIP

Ordinary membership is $50 per two-year period. Several classes of
membership at lower and higher dues are available. Members receive a
quarterly newletter “Lognet” as well as a 40% discount on purchases
of all Institute materials.
_________________________
*`MacTeach’, `LIP’, and `The Loglan Interactive Parser’ are trademarks
of The Loglan Institute.

The Beauty (And Beast) Of Leverage, By Dianne Maley

The beauty – and beast – of leverage

Analysis by Dianne Maley

November 10, 1989

——————————————————————————

Ever wonder how the rich get rich?

Well, to start with, they usually have some money. But to turn a little
bit of money into a lot, you have to follow religiously the golden rule of
investing: borrow in boom times and retrench when things begin to slow.
The magic tool is leverage. Real estate investors know it well. In times
of rising house prices, you buy a property with a little of your own money and
a lot from the bank. Say you put $10,000 down on a $100,000 house; the rest
you finance by taking out a mortgage on the property.
Over the course of the following year, the house price rises by 10 percent
to $110,000 — not an unreasonable thing in a healthy market. You have made a
100 percent return on your money in one year.
In a really hot market, house prices can rise even faster, making the
returns stunning. This is the beauty of leverage.
As we have learned from the U.S. takeover binge, leverage is not limited to
real estate. When a big corporate raider wants to take over a company, he
borrows against the assets of the target company to pay for it. Then he pays
the debt back with its earnings or by selling some or all of its assets.
This is known as a leveraged buyout, in which little of the purchase price
comes from the buyer’s pocket. The buying companies have made so much money
doing this in the past while that they have lost interest in the stock market.
Why buy stocks when you can buy the underlying company, break it up, sell the
parts and make a huge profit?
But when you are starting up a company, leverage may not be the best tool.
Often, the start-up period turns out to be longer than you expected and the
costs higher. If you are relying solely on your bankers, you run the risk of
having them pull the rug out from under you before you have had a chance to
get going.
If you have an established business and you want to expand, though,
leverage can work nicely. You can borrow against your existing plants to
build a new one, for example.
By and large, small investors have learned the leverage game well. Where
they go wrong is in not knowing when it is time to reverse the strategy.
Delightful as it is on the way up, leverage works in reverse on the way down.
Your holdings can collapse like dominoes.
To use leverage with the family home is downright reckless.
The problem is to recognize when the tide has turned. Is your business
about to boom or bust? One clue is interest rates. When the difference
between what you are paying to borrow money and the inflation rate begins to
widen, it may be time to retrench. A spread of more than five percentage
points is a warning sign.
Currently, the real or inflation-adjusted cost of borrowing money ranges
upward from six percentage points, high by historical standards. The path to
riches is littered with the bleached bones of investors who did not heed this
sign.
Often, people overextend themselves so that when the time comes to lower
their debt load, they have no money left with which to do so. This points to
another investment rule: what if? Smart investors always ask themselves, what
if real estate prices fall by 20 percent rather than rise? What if oil prices
plunge? What if the stock market crashes?
To use leverage properly, you have to have assets in reserve so you can
reduce your debt before it reduces you — to insolvency.

X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X

Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)

& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102

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Lemming Level Codes

LEMMINGS LEVEL CODES TYPED IN BY WICO / AURORA

FUN LEVEL: TRICKY LEVEL: TAXING LEVEL: MAYHEM LEVEL:
1: 1: HBANLMFPDV 1: MFIBAJLNFS 1: NHMFHFALHV
2: IJJLDNCCCN 2: BINCMFHQDO 2: FIBIJLMOFL 2: HMFHFINMHO
3: OHNLHCADCN 3: BAJHLDIBEO 3: IBANLMFPFY 3: MFHFAJLNHX
4: HNLHCIOECW 4: IJHLDIBCEX 4: BINLMFIQFR 4: FHFIJLMOHQ
5: LDLCAJNFCK 5: NHLDIBADEU 5: FAJHLDHBGT 5: HFANLMFPHN
6: DLCIJNLGCT 6: HLDIBINEEN 6: IJHLDHFCGM 6: FINLMFHQHW
7: HCANNNLHCW 7: LDIBAJLFEW 7: NHLDHFADGJ 7: FAJHLDIBIW
8: CINNLDLICJ 8: DIBIJLLGEP 8: HLDHFINEGS 8: IJHLDIFCIP
9: CEKHMDLJCO 9: IBANLLDHEM 9: LDHFAJLFGL 9: NHLDIFADIM
10:MKHMDLCKCX 10:BINLLDIIEV 10:DHFIJLLGGV 10:HLDIFINEIV
11:NHMLHCALCT 11:BAJHMDIJEX 11:HFANLLDHGR 11:LDIFAJLFIO
12:HMDLCIOMCJ 12:IJHMDIBKEQ 12:FINLLDHIGK 12:DIFIJLLGIX
13:MDLCAKLNCS 13:NHMDIBALEN 13:FAJHMDHJGM 13:IFANLLDHIM
14:LHCIKLOOCR 14:HMDIBINMEW 14:IJHMDHFKGV 14:FINLLDIIIN
15:HCEONOLPCU 15:MDIBAJLNEP 15:NHMDHFALGS 15:FAJHMDIJIP
16:CMOLMDLQCV 16:DIBIJLMOEY 16:HMDHFINMGL 16:IJHMDIFKIY
17:CAJHLFLBOT 17:IBANLMDPEV 17:MDHFAJLNGV 17:NHMDIFALIV
18:IJHLNHBCOP 18:BINLMDIQEO 18:DHFIJLMOGN 18:HMDIFINMIO
19:OHLFHBADDV 19:BAJHLFIBFR 19:HFANLMDPGK 19:MDIFAJLNIX
20:JLNACIOEDJ 20:IJHLFIBCFK 20:FINLMDHQGT 20:DIFIJLMOIQ
21:NNHCAKLFDS 21:NHLFIBADFX 21:FAJHLFHBHW 21:IFANLMDPIN
22:NHCMJLNGDO 22:HLFIBINEFQ 22:IJHLFHFCHP 22:FINLMDIQIW
23:HCAOLLNHDW 23:LFIBAJLFFJ 23:NHLFHFADHM 23:FAJHLFIBJJ
24:BINLLFHIDV 24:FIBIJLLGFS 24:HLFHFINEHV 24:IJHLFIFCJS
25:BAJHMFHJDX 25:IBANLLFHFP 25:LFHFAJLFHO 25:NHLFIFADJP
26:IJHMFLCKDV 26:BINLLFIIFY 26:FHFIJLLGHX 26:HLFIFINEJY
27:NHMFHBALON 27:BAJHMFIJFK 27:HFANLLFHHV 27:LFIFAJLFJR
28:HMNHCINMDP 28:IJHMFIBKFT 28:FINLLFHIHN 28:FIFIJLLGJK
29:MFHBAJLNDP 29:NHMFIBALFQ 29:FAJHMFHJHP 29:IFANLLFHJX
30:FHBIJLMODY 30:HMFIBINMFJ 30:IJHMFHFKHY 30:FINLLFIIJQ

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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
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The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
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“Raw Data for Raw Nerves”
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X

Excerpts From ~The Notebooks Of Lazarus Long~ By Robert A. Heinlein

Excerpts from ~The Notebooks of Lazarus Long~ by Robert A. Heinlein

—————-

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic one should
be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she
deserved.

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!

A “pacifist male” is a contradiction in terms. Most self-described
“pacifists” are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When
the wind changes, they hoist the Jolly Roger.

Of all the strange crimes that human beings have legislated out of
nothing, “blasphemy” is the most amazing–with “obscenity” and
“indecent exposure” fighting it out for second and third place.

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.

There is only one way to console a widow. But remember the risk.

Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites.
Moderation is for monks.

An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.

The more you love, the more you CAN love–and the more intensely
you love. Nor is there any limit on how MANY you can love. If
a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who
are decent and just.

Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.

Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs–sex especially.
When they are growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent
(quite properly) any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they’ll
make mistakes–but that’s THEIR business, not your’s. (You made
your own mistakes, did you not?)

Never frighten a little man. He’ll kill you.

Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all
over, before he is born and long before he learns to use sight,
hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it. Keep
your children short on pocket money–and long on hugs.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors–
and miss.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.

Yield to temptation–it may not pass your way again.

The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: “Of course
it is none of my business but–” is to place a period after the
word “but.” Don’t use excessive force in supplying such a
moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary
pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.

A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds
up his morale. After a while he realizes that she IS beautiful–
he just hadn’t noticed it at first.

A “practical joker” deserves applause for his wit according to
its quality. Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit
one might grant keelhauling. But staking him out on an anthill
should be reserved for the very wittiest.

Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other
“sins” are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful–
just stupid.)

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.

“I came, I saw, she conquered.” (The original Latin seems to
have been garbled.)

————————————————————–

I hope you all enjoyed them.

Tom Newcomb | “In the life of one man, never
c8-rl@franny.Berkeley.EDU | The same time returns.” (T.S. Eliot)

Lava Lamp Plans (January 13, 1995)

Subject: Lava Lamp Plans Here.
Date: 13 Jan 1995 08:08:15 GMT

I’ve had SEVERAL requests for the plans, so here they are.

Sorry, I guess I lost the name of the guy who gave ’em to me.
(I recieved two versions, and I liked this one best).

WARNING!! This electronic document deals with and involves subject matter
and the use of materials and substances that may be hazardous to health
and life. Do not attempt to implement or use the information contained
herein unless you are experienced and skilled with respect to such subject
matter, materials and substances. The author makes no representations as
for the completeness or the accuracy of the information contained herein
and disclaim any liability for damages or injuries, whether caused by or
arising from the lack of completeness, inaccuracies of the information,
misinterpretation of the directions, misapplication of the information or
otherwise.

Please note: The information contained in this electronic document can
be found in the 1992 Edition of Popular Electronics Electronics Hobbyists
handbook, published annually by Gernsback Publications Inc, USA.

Inside a lava lamp are two immiscible fluids. If it is assumed that fluid 1
is water, then fluid 2 must be:

.1) insoluble in water;
.2) heavier than water;
.3) non-flammable (for safety);
.4) non-reactive with water or air;
.5) more viscous than water;
.6) reasonably priced.

Furthermore, fluid 2 must not be:

.1) very poisonous (for safety);
.2) chlorinated;
.3) emulsifiable in water (for rapid separation).

In addition, fluid 2 must have a greater coefficient of expansion than
water. Check a Perry’s handbook of Chemical Engineering, and the above
list eliminates quite a few possibilities.

Here is a list of possible chemicals to use:

.1) benzyl alcohol (sp.g. 1.043, bp 204.7 deg. C, sl. soluble);
.2) cinnamyl alcohol (sp. g. 1.04, bp 257.5 deg. C, sl. soluble);
.3) diethyl phthalate (sp. g. 1.121, bp 298 deg. C, insoluble);
.4) ethyl salicylate (sp. g. 113, bp 233 deg. C, insoluble).

If desired, use a suitable red oil-soluble dye to color fluid 2. A
permanent felt-tip pen is a possible source. Break open the pen and put
the felt in a beaker with fluid 2.

It is recommended to use benzyl alcohol as fluid 2. (Caution!! Do not
come into contact with benzyl alcohol either by ingestion, skin, or
inhalation.) In addition to water, the following items will be necessary:

.1) sodium chloride (table salt);
.2) a clear glass bottle, about 10 inches (25.4 cm) high;
.3) a 40 watt light bulb and ceramic light fixture;
.4) a 1 pint (473 ml) tin can or larger;
.5) plywood;
.6) 1/4 inch (0.635 cm) thick foam-rubber;
.7) AC plug with 16 gauge lamp wire;
.8) hardware;
.9) light dimmer (optional);
.10) small fan (optional).

The performance of the lava lamp will depend on the quality of the water
used. A few experiments must be conducted to determine how much sodium
chloride is necessary to increase the water’s specific gravity. Try a 5%
salt concentration first (50 g of salt to 1 liter of water). Pour the
red-dyed benzyl alcohol mixture in a Pyrex beaker. Add an equal or
greater amount of water and heat slowly on a hot plate. If the benzyl
alcohol floats to the top and stays there, decrease the salt
concentration. If it stays at the bottom, add more salt.

Construct the lamp by fastening the ceramic lamp fixture to a 5 inch (12.7
cm) diameter piece of plywood. Attach the lamp wire to the fixture.
Screw in the 40 watt bulb. Cut one end off the tin can, remove its
contents, and clean thoroughly. Drill a hole in the tin can for the wire
to go through. Invert the can over the bulb (open end down) and affix to
the plywood with epoxy. Cut a round gasket from the foam-rubber and fit
it into the top lip of the can.

Fill the bottle partially with brine, add about 150 ml of benzyl alcohol,
then fill up the bottle with brine. Leave about 1 inch (2.54 cm) of
airspace on top for expansion. Bubble size will be influenced by amount
of air space. Tightly cap the bottle and place on gasket.

The light dimmer is used to control the amount of heat in the bottle. It
is helpful if the bottle is too short and the 40 watt bulb makes the
benzyl alcohol accumulate at the top.

The fan can also be used to cool the top of the bottle and help the benzyl
alcohol to sink to the bottom.

If desired, add a trace of an antioxidant such as BHA or BHT to the brine
to add color and contrast.

Enjoy and good luck.

A Study Guide To Wheelock Latin

Latin Textbook (Based on Wheelock’s Latin)
STUDY GUIDE TO WHEELOCK LATIN

by
Dale A Grote
UNC Charlotte

[This copy FTP’d from milton.u.washington.edu, 19-Jan-93]

From FFL00DAG@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU Tue Jan 19 18:15:19 1993
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 93 21:08:32 EST
From: FFL00DAG@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: Re: Latin Textbook
To: Thomas Dell

Thomas,

I call the guides “Study Guide to Wheelock,” and have made them
available for free use to anyone who’d like use them. I think
the answer to your question, therefore, is “Yes.” I sent them
up so they could get some good beta-testing. So far as I’m
conncerned they can be copied and sent anywhere.

Dale A. Grote
FFL00DAG@UNCCVM.BITNET
Department of Foreign Languages
UNC Charlotte
Charlotte, NC 28223
704-547-4242

12/30/92

PREFACE TO MY COLLEAGUES

Wheelock’s Latin is now, and probably will be for sometime in the future, the
most widely used introductory Latin book used in American colleges and
universities. And with good reason. His exclusive emphasis on the details
of Latin grammar squares with the general expectation that students
acquire a rudimentary, independent reading ability in real Latin after only
two semesters of study. Surely Wheelock has its drawbacks and limitations,
but it is still the best text around.

A growing difficulty with the book has become apparent in recent
years, a problem that is entirely external to the text itself: students are
less and less able to understand his explanations of Latin grammar because
their grasp of English grammar is becoming more tenuous. This
obsolescence hardly comes as a surprise, since the main outlines of
Wheelock’s grammar were set down in the forties and fifties, when it was
safe to assume that college students were well versed in at least the
basics of English grammar. We may lament this change, write heated letters
to school boards and state legislatures, but all this is of little help when
confronted as we are with classrooms filled with beginning Latin students
who have never learned the difference between a participle and a pronoun,
or who have never heard the word “case” in their lives.

As the years went by, I found that I was required to dedicate
unacceptable amounts of class time to discussions of elementary
grammatical concepts and to redrafting Wheelock’s explanations into forms
my students could understand, leaving less time for actually confronting
Latin in the classroom. The results were predictable: it became nearly
impossible to complete the forty chapters of grammatical material in two
semesters. The third semester had to be called into the service of the
basic grammar of the language, thus reducing the reading we could do and
delaying the feeling of mastery and independence that drives students on
to read more.

Slowly, I began to compile a rather extensive body of notes and
exercises designed to teach the basic grammatical concepts to students of
Latin, as they needed them, while learning Latin from Wheelock, and to slow
down and recast Wheelock’s treatment of the grammar into language which
they could understand on their own. My intention for these notes was to
get the repetitive transfer of basic information out of the classroom, so
that we could spend more class time reviewing, translating, and drilling.
These notes, therefore, represent nothing more than what I found myself
repeating year after year in front of a class. By setting them into a
written text, however, and removing it from the daily classroom agenda,
there is no doubt that I have greatly increased the productivity of class
time. Whereas I previously struggled to finish twenty chapters in a
semester, my first semester class now easily finishes twenty-seven
chapters in the first semester, with time left over for some connected
readings. In the second semester, we have time to do considerable amounts
of extended reading after the forty chapters of grammar have been
covered.

There is really nothing miraculous about this increased productivity.
In fact, it was to be expected. Previously, students, who could make
neither heads nor tails of Wheelock, relied on my in-class presentations to
explain Latin grammar to them. After the grammar was explained, they would
review their classroom notes, and begin the chapter exercises, without
ever having read Wheelock, which had been replaced by my lectures. In
essence, then, I was doing their homework for them, but I was doing it in
class, not outside of class. By removing basic grammar from the class by
putting it into a workbook, I only transferred the time spent on learning
Latin grammar outside the class, and freed up time in class for drilling and
taking specific questions.

An unexpected, and admittedly self-interested, advantage I reaped
from these printed notes was that students who tend to fall behind, or to
miss class (and fall behind), had a body of notes which they could use on
their own to catch up, and — perhaps more importantly — to which I could
refer them when they came knocking at my door to find out “if they’d missed
anything important in class.” Previously this presented a real moral bind.
Either I spent hours reteaching the class (or classes) for them, in the
(usually vain) hope that they would reform once they had been set up on a
sure foundation, or I sent them away uninformed, knowing that things would
only get worse for them because they couldn’t possibly draw the
information they needed from Wheelock by themselves. Now, I refer them to
my notes, express my willingness to answer their specific questions after
they’ve worked through them, and send them on their way, hoping for the
best.

Here’s how I’ve incorporated these notes into my syllabus and
classroom routine. In the first place, going through my notes for each
chapter is entirely optional. I make no assignments from them, nor do we
use class time to go over any of the exercises they contain. Instead, I
merely assign the Practice and Review sentences of, say, Chapter 5, for the
next class period. How the students learn the material in Chapter 5 is
entirely their affair, though I do recommend they read my notes. If,
however, a student can understand Wheelock perfectly, then s/he is under
no obligation to read my presentation of the chapter. Most students do
read my notes instead of Wheelock. After reading my notes, I recommend
that they read Wheelock’s chapter, which provides a compressed “review” of
what I leisurely set out in my chapter notes. For an added review and
translation exercises, I also recommend that students work through
Wheelock’s Self-Help Tutorials before turning to the specified assignment.
After so much preparation, students regularly find the sentences quite
straight-forward. In class, then, after a verbal review of the important
concepts in the chapter, we work quickly through the sentences, then, in the
time remaining, we sight read either from the Sententiae Antiquae, or from
the book 38 Latin Stories designed to go along with Wheelock. My class
covers three chapters per week — one chapter per day, since we meet MWF
for an hour and half. Classes meeting five times per week, of course, would
divide the material differently.

I would like to stress again that I don’t claim to have created
anything new, revolutionary, or destined to reshape the way Latin is
taught for the next 25 years. Perhaps I do have one claim to originality,
insofar as my book combines a grammar text and workbook, but I hardly think
that’s worthy of much note. I merely believe that I have put together a
study guide which will help teach Latin from Wheelock more efficiently by
making more classroom time available for direct contact with the language
itself. The text is not meant to intrude directly on classroom work. It is
for students use at night, by themselves, to prepare for classes and exams.
I myself designate the book as an optional purchase and make it available
at a nearby copy store, and at first a substantial fraction of my class
doesn’t buy it. After three weeks, however, nearly all of them have a copy.
My students, at least, find the book very helpful, and frequently make
remarks about it on their course evaluations. For what it’s worth, here
are their remarks from last semester.

“The book the instructor made that goes along with Wheelock’s book
provided a much better understanding of Latin.”

“His notebook that went along with the Wheelock book was also
immensely helpful. The explanations were thorough and easy to
understand.”

“The workbook that he created to go along with the text helped a lot
in the understanding of the work.”

“Dr. Grote’s handbook for the class is a great teaching tool and
helped students be prepared for class.”

“Grote’s handbook — especially helpful.”

“He supplies a handbook written by him that helps a great deal in
learning Latin.”

“Dr. Grote’s book was very helpful! His explanations are elaborate
and very clear. I’d vote for publication!!” [Emphases in the original]

I’m providing you draft of my book for the usual reasons. I would
appreciate your making the text available to your students — as I do — at
a copy shop and calling their attention to it. Would you please take note of
their reactions, positive and negative, and send them along to me during or
at the end of the semester. I would greatly value, of course, any remarks
you would care to make about my presentations. Since I’m preparing the copy
myself, any corrigenda you spot would save me a lot of embarrassment. If
you have any questions I’ve left unanswered, please don’t hesitate to
contact me.

Dale A. Grote
UNC Charlotte
Department of Foreign Languages
Charlotte, NC 28223
(704) 547-4242
FFL00DAG@UNCCVM.BITNET

12/30/92

CHAPTER 1

“First and Second Conjugation Verbs: Indicative,
Imperative, and Infinitive”

VERBS: THE BASICS OF CONJUGATION

Let’s start simply: a verb is a word which indicates action or state of
being. Everyone ought to know that. Look at some of the different forms of
a simple verb in English, the verb “to see”:

GROUP I GROUP II GROUP III

I see. I saw. I am seen.
I do see. I was seen.
I am seeing. I will be seen.
I will see. I should have been seen.
I should be seeing.
I would see.
See.
I want to see.

And so on; there are several left out. Look at the first group for now. You
can detect something interesting going on here. You have a basic form of
the verb — “see” — and it’s undergoing changes. One kind of change is that
different words are put before it, another is the “-ing” suffix attached to
the end, and another is the addition of a suffix “-s” when you want to say
“he/she/it sees”.

You can see that the verb “to see” has a basic form, which is being
modified slightly to show that the verb is being used in a different way.
This modification of a verb to show different aspects or conditions of the
action is called “conjugation” (kahn juh GAY chion), and a verb is said to
“conjugate” (KAHN juh gate) when it’s modified to exhibit these different
conditions. A verb, therefore, has a basic form or set of forms, which then
conjugate in order to change the way its meaning is to be understood in a
particular context. These basic forms contain the core meaning of the
verb, but the way the action is being applied and the circumstances under
which the action is changing.

Now look at the second group — it’s really a group of one. Here you
have an entirely different form: “saw”. How do you know that it’s a part of
the verb “to see?” From your experience with English, of course. This form
of the verb is an entirely different stem, yet it’s still just a variation of
the basic verb “to see”. So a verb can change its form entirely and still be
a part of the same family of meaning. So also with the third group. “Seen”
is another stem of the basic verb “to see”, and your native English sense
tells you it’s merely a variation of a verb you already know: “to see”.
Again, we can put all kinds of words in front to conjugate it, but with this
stem, no changes actually affect the stem itself. There’s no such form as
“seening”, for example.

Now let’s try an experiment. Suppose you’re not an English speaker
and you come across the word “saw” while you’re reading something. You
don’t know what it is, so you try to look it up in the dictionary just as it
is: “saw”. Unless you have a very unusual dictionary you won’t find it. Why
not? Because “saw” is a variation of a more basic form. In the same way,
would you expect to find an entry in a dictionary for the word “stones?” Of
course not, because “stones” is just the plural form of “stone”, a form you
can easily deduce from the basic form “stone”, if you know the rules of
English grammar. So before you can use a dictionary, you already have to
know something about the language. And that’s entirely understandable.
How big would a dictionary have to be to list all the possible varieties of
every word in the language? Consequently, before you look up a word in a
dictionary, you must first reduce it to a form under which the dictionary
will list it, and that often takes patience and some mental effort.

Let’s go back to the verb “to see”. It has three different stems in its
conjugation — “see, saw, seen” — and to use the verb intelligently you
must know them all and you must know the rules governing their use. We call
these forms, the “principal parts” of the verb. You’ll notice in English the
way these principal parts are conjugated is by piling up all kinds of words
in front of them. These words change the aspect of the action. To sum up,
to use any verb fully, you must know two things: (1) all the principal parts
of the verb, and (2) the rules governing the conjugation of English verbs.
This is also true of Latin verbs.

LATIN VERBS: THE BASICS

As you may have guessed, Latin verbs have different rules governing the
way they conjugate. For the most part — almost exclusively — Latin
verbs conjugate by attaching endings to the stems themselves, without all
the separate helping words put in front of the stem as in English to tell
you how to understand the action. So for a Latin verb, you must learn two
things: (1) the stems, and (2) how the stems are modified at their ends to
show different conditions under which the action is occurring. Let’s look
at English again. Here is the conjugation of the verb “to see” in the
present tense.

SINGULAR PLURAL

I see we see
you see you see
he, she, it, sees they see

With the exception of the form “sees”, the differences among these forms is
made by the preceding word. In this instance, the change is in the person
who is performing the action. Now look at the Latin translation for the
verb English verb “to see” with these modifications.

LATIN ENGLISH

1st video I see
2nd vides you see
3rd videt he/she/it sees

1st videmus we see
2nd videtis you see
3rd vident they see

As I told you before, Latin conjugates its verbs by attaching endings to
the root of the verb itself, and here you can see it happening. The common
feature of the verb “to see” in Latin is the stem “vide-” and to show
changes in person and number, Latin adds a suffix. These suffixes are
called the “personal endings”, because they indicate the person and the
number of the conjugated form of the verb. Let’s set these personal
endings out:

1st person -o = I
2nd person -s = you (singular)
3rd person -t = he, she, it

1st person -mus = we
2nd person -tis = you (plural)
3rd person -nt = they

Now try your hand at conjugating some other Latin verbs. The verb
meaning “to warn, advise” in Latin has the stem “mone-“; the verb meaning
“to be strong” in Latin has the stem “vale-“; and the verb meaning “to owe,
ought” in Latin has the stem “debe-“. Translate the following into Latin.

we owe, ought debemus

they see ____________________

she advises ____________________

you (pl.) are strong ____________________

they warn ____________________
you (sg.) are strong ____________________

I owe, ought ____________________

we see ____________________

CONJUGATIONS OF LATIN VERBS

You now know the single most important characteristic of Latin nouns: they
conjugate by adding suffixes to a stem. You also now know the most common
kind of suffix: the personal endings. Next you need to know something more
about the stems. There are four groups of Latin verbs, called
“conjugations”, determined by the final vowel attached to the end of the
stem. The verbs you’ve been working with have stems which end in “-e”.
Verbs whose stems end in “-e” are called “2nd conjugation” verbs. If,
however, the stem of the verb ends in “-a” then it’s called a “1st
conjugation” verb. Verbs whose stem ends in short “-e” are called “3rd
conjugation”. And verbs whose stem ends in “-i” are called “4th
conjugation”. Like this:

1st 2nd 3rd 4th

lauda- vale- duc- veni-
ama- vide- ag- senti-
cogita- mone- carp- audi-

The first several chapters of Wheelock are concerned only with the first
and second conjugations, so for now we’ll postpone any further discussion
of the third and fourth conjugation. But for now, you need to recognize
that the principal difference between the four conjugations of Latin verbs
is in the vowel that comes between the stem and the personal endings. All
four conjugations follow the same rules for conjugating: stem (which
includes the characteristic stem vowel) + personal endings.

You have already worked with second conjugation verbs. Now let’s
have a look at an example of a first conjugation verb. We’ll use the verb
“to love” as the example, which has the stem “ama-“. So “ama-” means “love”
but to use it in a sentence, we have to add the personal endings. The
stem of the verb is “ama-“, so to conjugate it, we just add the personal
endings to it, following the same rules that apply to second conjugation
verbs. Fill in the stem and personal endings in the blanks on the following
chart but hold off filling in the conjugated forms for now.

STEM + PERSONAL ENDING = CONJUGATED FORM

1st ________ + __________ = _______________

2nd ________ + __________ = _______________

3rd ________ + __________ = _______________

1st ________ + __________ = _______________

2nd ________ + __________ = _______________

3rd ________ + __________ = _______________

Now for the conjugated forms. If you follow the rules of conjugation that
apply for second conjugation verbs, you should write the form “amao” for
the first person singular. But listen to how easily the two vowels “a” and
“o” can be simplified into a single “o” sound. Say “ao” several times quickly
and you’ll see that the two sounds are made in the same place in the mouth.
Over time, Latin simplified the sound “ao” to just “o”. The final written
form is “amo”, not “amao”. So write “amo” for “I love”. Aside from this small
irregularity, however, the personal endings are attached directly to the
stem without any alteration or loss of the stem vowel. Fill in the rest of
the conjugated forms. (If you’re unsure of yourself, check your work
against the paradigm on page 3 of Wheelock.)

Now conjugate another paradigm of a second conjugation verbs: “mone-”

STEM + PERSONAL ENDING = CONJUGATED FORM

1st ________ + __________ = _______________

2nd ________ + __________ = _______________

3rd ________ + __________ = _______________

1st ________ + __________ = _______________

2nd ________ + __________ = _______________

3rd ________ + __________ = _______________

THE ENGLISH PRESENT TENSES

Look at the following conjugated forms of the English verb “to see”.

I see.
I am seeing.
I do see.

Each of these forms refers to present time — and are therefore present
tenses — but each is different. We’re so accustomed to these different
present tenses in English that we can hardly explain what the different
meanings are, even though we’re instantly aware that there is a distinction
being made. Try to explain the differences among “I see”, “I am seeing” and “I
do see”. It’s difficult, but these different present tenses are essential to
the way we speak. In reality English is one of the few languages which has
these three present tenses, and it’s very hard to foreign students of
English to learn how and when to use them. “I see” is called the Simple
Present tense; “I am seeing” is called the Present Progressive; and “I do
see” is called the Present Emphatic. Now try to come up with the
differences. The point of this is that Latin has only one present tense. So,
when we see “laudas”, for example, it can be translated into English as “you
praise”, “you do praise”, or “you are praising”. We have to let our native
sense of the simple present, the present progressive, and the present
emphatic tell us which to use.

THE IMPERATIVE

Another conjugated form of Latin verbs is the “imperative” mood, or the
direct command. Its name is its definition. It’s how you turn a verb into a
direct command: “Look here”, “Watch out”, “Stop that”, etc. To form the
imperative mood of any Latin verb, follow these rules:

Second Person Singular stem
Second Person Plural stem + te

Form the imperative mood of the following Latin verbs:

lauda-

singular ____________________

plural ____________________

mone-

singular ____________________

plural ____________________

THE INFINITIVE

Verb forms which specify no person — 1st, 2nd, or 3rd — we call “infinite”
or “infinitive”, which means, literally, “without boundary”. That is to say,
the form is not bounded by or limited to a certain person. Theoretically,
there are many verb forms which are “infinite”, but in common usage the
word “infinitive” is generally limited to forms which are translated into
English as “to x” (where “x” is the meaning of the verb). To form the
infinitive, a “-re” suffix is added to the stem.

lauda + re = laudare (to praise)
mone + re = monere (to warn)

DICTIONARY CONVENTIONS FOR VERBS

As you can see, each verb has at least six different forms (there are many,
many more which you’ll learn later), and, for obvious reasons, it would be
impossible for a dictionary to list all six of these possibilities under
separate entries. That is, you can’t look up “laudant” just as it’s here,
anymore than you could look up “they are saying” under “they” in an English
dictionary. You have to strip the conjugated form of the verb down to the
form under which the dictionary will give it to you. For the English “they
are saying”, obviously, you would look up “say”, because you know the
conventions an English dictionary uses for listing an English verb. What
are the conventions for a Latin dictionary? If you see a form like
“laudant” in a text you’re reading and want to look it up, how do you do it?
What is its “dictionary” form?

The dictionary form for a Latin verb is not the stem, but the first
person singular. This means that when you want to look up “laudant” you
have to look it up under the conjugated form “laudo”, not under its raw stem
“lauda-“. What you have to do to look up a Latin verb, therefore, is to
imagine what the verb looks like in the first person singular and look it up
under that. There is no reason it has to be like this; Latin dictionaries
could have adopted any other of a number of different conventions for
listing verbs, but this just happens to be the way it is. A consequence of
this is that the first personal singular of a verb is considered to be the
basic form of the verb. So, I’ll say, for example, “The Latin verb for “to
see” is “video”, which is really saying “The Latin verb for “to see” is ‘I
see.'” Again, this is just conventional, but it’s how it’s done. To repeat, in
order to look a verb up in the dictionary, you first have to reduce it to its
first person singular form. In the case of the conjugated form “laudant”
you would follow this process.

(1) The “-nt” suffix is the third person plural personal ending, so
you take it off; that leaves you with “lauda-“.
(2) You remember that verbs conjugate by adding personal endings
to the stem, so “lauda-” is the stem. But you can’t look it up
under the stem alone, because a dictionary lists verbs under
the first person singular. You must reconstruct the first
person singular to look this verb up.
(3) Next ask yourself what the conjugation of a verb like “lauda-”
is going to be, first or second conjugation? Since the final
vowel of the stem is “-a-“, the verb you’re looking at is a first
conjugation verb. And what does the first person singular or a
first conjugation verb look like? It’s “lauda + o = laudo” (since
the “a” and the “o” contract to just “o”). So we say that
“laudant” is from “laudo”, just as we might say in English “seen”
is from “to see”.
(4) Now you’ve simplified the verb to something you can look it up
under — “laudo” — and the translation is “to praise”.
(5) The second entry for a verb in the Latin dictionary is its
infinitive form. After “laudo”, therefore, you see “laudare”.
Since you know that an infinitive is the stem plus the ending
“-re”, you can easily see the true stem of the verb simply by
dropping off the final “-re” infinitive ending. This confirms the
fact that the verb you’re looking up is a first conjugation
verb.
(6) Now translate “laudant”. With the personal ending brought back
in the translation is “they praise” (or “they are praising”, or
“they do praise”).

I know this may seem tedious at first, but concentrate on
internalizing each one of these steps. You’ll benefit immensely when the
grammar becomes more complicated. The moral of all this is that you should
never go browsing around in the dictionary hoping to find something that
might match the word you’re looking up. You must think carefully about what
you’re looking for before you turn the first page of the dictionary. (You’ll
hear me say this repeatedly.)

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

debeo, debere This verb has an apparently odd combinations of
meanings — “to owe; should, must, ought” — until we
remember that our English verb “ought” is really an
archaic past tense of the verb “to owe”. As with the
English verb “ought”, the Latin verb “debeo” is often
followed by an infinitive to complete its meaning: “I ought
to see” = “Debeo videre”. An infinitive which completes
the meaning of another verb is called a “complementary
infinitive”.
servo, servare Despite its appearance, this verb doesn’t mean “to serve”.
Be careful with this one.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 2

“Cases; First Declension; Agreement of Adjectives”

CASES AND INFLECTION

Consider the following sentence: “The girl saw the dog”. How can
you tell that this sentence does not mean that the dog is seeing
the girl? The answer is obvious to an English speaker. “Girl”
comes before the verb, and “dog” comes after it, and this
arrangement tells us that the “girl” is performing the action of
verb, and the “dog” is receiving the action. We say that the one
who is performing the action of the verb is the “subject” of the
verb. So “girl” is the “subject” of “saw”. The dog, however, is
the “object” of the verb, since it’s the object of the action.
And in English, we generally show these functions — subject and
object — by position relative to the verb. The subject of the
verb tends to come before the verb, the object tends to come
after it.

But position isn’t the only way we show which word is the
subject and object of a verb. Now consider this sentence: “Him I
like, them I despise”. Obviously this sentence has an usual
arrangement for rhetorical purposes, but how can you tell who is
doing what to whom? Even though English grammar shows
grammatical relationship between words in a sentence mainly by
position, in many instances a change in the word itself provides
you additional help. The word “him”, although it comes first in
the sentence, is not the subject because its form — “him”
instead of “he” — is not the one used to indicate that it’s the
subject of the verb. We use the form “he” to show that.
Furthermore, the word “I” is the form we use when the first
person is subject of the verb. Hence, the words “he” and “I”
change their forms as their grammatical function in the sentence
changes. The change in form of a word to show grammatical
functions is called “inflection”.

The English personal pronouns change quite a lot to show you how
they’re being used in the sentence. Watch.

FORM FUNCTION

I subject
my possessor (it owns
something
me object (something is
being done to it)
First Person Pronoun
we subject
our possessor
us object

you subject
your possessor
you object
Second Person Pronoun
you subject
your possessor
you object

he,she,it subject
his,her,its possessor
him,her,it object
Third Person Pronoun
they subject
their possessor
them object

This inflection (change of form to show grammatical
function) in the pronouns is very useful for helping us to
understand each other — although, as you can see, the second
person pronoun “you, etc” doesn’t inflect nearly so much as the
first and third. The plural forms are even identical to the
singular forms. We can still get by.

In English, inflection is rather limited, and we rely on
position mainly to tell us what the words in the sentence are
doing to each other. The only grammatical functions that involve
a change in form for all nouns is the possessive case and the
plural forms, where we attach an “-s” to the end of the word.
(In written English we even include an apostrophe “‘” mark to
help us see the difference between a pluralized noun and a noun
that’s in the possessive case.) For example

SINGULAR PLURAL

apple subject apples subject
apple’s possessor apples’ possessor
apple object apples object

Watch how we combine position with inflection in English to make
sense to one another. As you can see, position is the principal
guide.

“These apples’ [plural, possessor] cores are hard, but
apples [plural, subject] are usually soft. When you
[singular, subject] buy apples [plural, object], you
[singular, subject] should first pick up each apple
[object, singular] and bounce it [singular, object] off
the floor several times. Then check its [singular,
possessor] skin. If it [singular, subject] is bruised,
discretely put it [singular, object] back with the
other apples [plural, object], making certain that no
one [singular, subject] is watching you [singular,
object]”.

Unlike English, languages which rely primarily on inflection of
words to show grammatical relationship are called “inflected”
languages. English, though it has some inflection, is not an
inflected language. Latin, however, is an inflected language,
because it relies almost entirely on changes in the words
themselves to indicate their grammatical function in a sentence.

The different grammatical functions a word can have in a
sentence is called “case”. In English there are three
recognizable different cases, that is grammatical functions, a
word can have: the subjective case, the possessive case, and the
objective case. So we say there are three cases in English. In
Latin there are six difference cases. Here are the Latin cases.
(Don’t try to memorize them all at once here. Just read through
the list; there will be plenty of time to firm up your
familiarity of them.)

LATIN APPROXIMATE ENGLISH EQUIVALENT

Nominative (Subjective)
Genitive (Possessive Case)
Dative (Object of words like “to” or “for”)
Accusative (Objective Case)
Ablative (Adverbial Usages: “by”, “with”)
Vocative (Direct Address)

We’ll look at the way these cases are used in Latin in the next
part of these notes, although some of them won’t be difficult at
all: the nominative, genitive, and accusative cases are almost
the same as their English counterparts. The ablative, dative and
vocative will need some explanation. Before then, however, let’s
look at how a Latin noun inflects to show all these different
cases.

Let’s look at some English pronouns which inflect to show
the three different cases. Do you remember “they, their, them?”
The pronoun is inflecting through its different cases, but we can
definitely spot a pattern of similarity among the three forms.
There is a definite root of the word. The root (that is, the
part of the word that contains the meaning of the word) is “the-”
to which then the endings “-y”, “-ir” and “-m”. So we could say
that the word is inflecting by adding certain case endings to a
stem. The stem contains the core of the meaning of the word, and
the endings merely inflect or alter its grammar.

This is precisely how Latin nouns show their different
cases: they add additional letters to the end of the basic form
of the word. This basic form that does not change throughout its
inflection is called the “stem”. There are, consequently, two
parts of a Latin word that you must note: the stem and the case
ending. The stem contains the meaning of the word and its gender
(masculine, feminine, or neuter). The case ending will tell you
(1) how the noun is being used in its sentence, and (2) whether
the noun is singular or plural. Let’s watch a the Latin noun
“puella” (girl) as it inflects through its different cases:

SINGULAR APPROXIMATE ENGLISH TRANSLATION

NOMINATIVE puella girl
GENITIVE puellae of the girl
DATIVE puellae to/for the girl
ACCUSATIVE puellam girl
ABLATIVE puella by/with the girl
VOCATIVE puella girl

PLURAL

NOMINATIVE puellae girls
GENITIVE puellarum of the girls
DATIVE puellis to/for the girls
ACCUSATIVE puellas girls
ABLATIVE puellis by/with the girls
VOCATIVE puellae girls

The stem of the Latin word is clearly visible. It’s
“puell-” to which different endings are being attached. The
endings are:

SINGULAR PLURAL

NOMINATIVE -a -ae
GENITIVE -ae -arum
DATIVE -ae -is
ACCUSATIVE -am -as
ABLATIVE -a -is
VOCATIVE -a -ae

There are many other nouns in Latin which follow this same
pattern of case endings when they inflect. This pattern of
endings is called the “first declension” (deh CLEN shion) and you
can see the strong presence of an “-a-“. There are four other
declensional patterns in Latin, but a noun will belong to only
one of them. Hence we can say that “puella” is a first
declension noun. The other declensions are called, not
surprisingly, the second, third, fourth and fifth declension, and
are distinguished form one another in part by the thematic, or
characteristic, vowel that appears in its endings.

REVIEW

This is a lot of information to absorb in one sitting. Stop now
for a while, then read through this review statement before
starting on the next section of this chapter.

A language whose nouns show their grammatical function in the
sentence by changes in the noun itself, and not by position, is
called an inflected language. The different grammatical
functions a language recognizes are called cases. In English,
there are three cases. They are the subjective, the possessive,
and the objective. In Latin there are six cases. They are the
nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, ablative and vocative
cases. A Latin noun has two parts which you must note: it has a
stem, which contains the noun’s basic meaning and its gender; and
it also has a case ending which tells you the noun’s case and its
number. A pattern of endings which are added to the end of a
noun to show its grammatical function is called a declension.
Each noun in Latin belongs to one declension. The declensions
are called the first, second, third, fourth and fifth
declensions.

THE FIRST DECLENSION

Let’s have a look at another first declension noun: “pecuni-”
(money).

SINGULAR

STEM + CASE ENDING = INFLECTED FORM

N/V. pecuni + -a = _______________

GEN. pecuni + -ae = _______________

DAT. pecuni + -ae = _______________

ACC. pecuni + -am = _______________

ABL. pecuni + -a = _______________

PLURAL

STEM + CASE ENDING = INFLECTED FORM

N/V. pecuni + -ae = _______________

GEN. pecuni + -arum = _______________

DAT. pecuni + -is = _______________

ACC. pecuni + -as = _______________

ABL. pecuni + -is = _______________

Let’s try a few more paradigms. Decline the noun “patri-”
(fatherland) and vit-” (life).

SINGULAR
patri- vit-

N/V. _______________ _______________

GEN. _______________ _______________

DAT. _______________ _______________

ACC. _______________ _______________

ABL. _______________ _______________

PLURAL

N/V. _______________ _______________

GEN. _______________ _______________

DAT. _______________ _______________

ACC. _______________ _______________

ABL. _______________ _______________

GENDER

All Latin nouns possess what is called “gender”. That is, a noun
will be masculine, feminine, or neuter. Don’t confuse this kind of
grammatical gender with biological gender. There is nothing
biologically feminine about nouns which are grammatically feminine,
nothing biologically masculine about nouns which are grammatically
masculine, and nothing biologically neuter about nouns which are
grammatically neuter. It’s just that nouns have a feature which we
call gender by convention. And this is a feature which cannot
change in a noun. A noun may change its case or number, but a noun
will never change its gender. This is a fixed feature, and you
must be told what gender a noun is when you look it up in the
dictionary. This is important to remember, because although the
vast majority of first declensions nouns are feminine, not all of
them are. You must memorize the gender of each noun as you would
learn its meaning.

DICTIONARY CONVENTIONS FOR GENDER AND DECLENSION

The dictionary therefore must tell you many things about a noun
you’re looking up — and you must know how the dictionary tells you
what you need to know. Latin dictionaries follow the following
conventions for listing nouns.

(1) The first entry in the dictionary is the noun in the
nominative case.
(2) The second entry is the genitive singular ending. This
is essential, because many of the declensions have
identical nominative singular endings. There is no way
to be certain, therefore, to which declension a noun
belongs simply by looking at the nominative singular.
But in all declensions, the genitive singular endings are
different. The genitive singular ending of the first
declension is “-ae”, that of the second declension is
“-i”, that of the third is “-is”, that of the fourth is
“-us”, and that of the fifth is “-ei” If you know the
genitive singular of a noun you know what declension the
noun follows. Another reason you must have the genitive
singular form given to you is that the stem of the noun
is often not visible in the nominative singular.
Sometimes the stem changes slightly from the nominative
to the other forms. Again, you cannot predict what kind
of stem change will occur simply by looking at the
nominative. But you will be able to see it in the
genitive singular. (This kind of stem change never occurs
in the first declension, but it does in the second and
the third.)
(3) The last entry is the gender of the noun, which cannot be
deduced even if you know everything else about the noun.
You must be given it.

Put all this together, and typical dictionary entries for first
declension noun will look like this:

patria, -ae (f)
pecunia, -ae (f)
poeta, -ae (m)
agricola, -ae (m)

Now look up the following nouns in your dictionary and write out
the grammatical information you are given.

ENGLISH FULL ENTRY DECLENSION STEM

band _________________________ _____ __________

brother _________________________ _____ __________

care _________________________ _____ __________

city _________________________ _____ __________

day _________________________ _____ __________

dread _________________________ _____ __________

TRANSLATION OF THE CASES

What I’m going to give you now is just the bare outline of how
these cases can be translated into English. There will be plenty
of time for further refinement in the future — and we’ll have to
do some refinement — but for the time being, these guide lines
will get you well on your way.

NOMINATIVE CASE

A noun in the nominative case is often the subject of a verb. For
example, in the English sentence “The tree fell on my car”, the
“tree” is in the nominative case because it’s the subject of the
verb “fell”. If this were a Latin sentence, the word tree would be
in the nominative case form. The rule of thumb for now is that if
you see a noun in the nominative case, try to translate it as the
subject of the verb in its sentence.

GENITIVE CASE

This case shows that one noun belongs to another noun. The noun
which is the owner is put into the genitive case. Like this in
English: “The car’s door is open”. “Door” is the nominative case
because it’s the thing which is open — it’s the subject of the
verb “is” — and the door belongs to the car, so “car’s” is put
into the genitive case. So for now, every time you see the
genitive case, translate the noun with the English preposition “of”
or use the genitive marker “‘s”. For example, if “portae” is in
the genitive case, translate it either as “the door’s” or “of the
door”.

DATIVE CASE

The dative case shows that a noun is indirectly affected by the
action of the sentence. Take for example, in the English sentence
“George gave the ball to the girl”. George is the subject of “give”
and the thing George is giving is the “ball”. So the thing most
directly affected by George’s action is the ball. It’s the direct
recipient of the action. But George then gave the ball to the
girl, so the girl is also being affected, but only indirectly.
Therefore, the girl is the “indirect object” of the action of the
sentence. English can also indicate the indirect object simply by
position: by putting the indirect object before the direct object.
Like this: George gave the girl the ball. In Latin, the word for
“girl” would be in the dative case, and so would have the dative
case ending of the declension to which the word “girl” belongs. So
the form would be “puellae”. Again, a rough rule of thumb: when
you see the dative case, try to translate it with the prepositions
“to” or “for” and see which of the two makes the most sense.

ACCUSATIVE CASE

The noun which is directly affected by the action of a verb is put
into the accusative case. In English we call this case the “direct
object” which is a little more descriptive of its function. It’s
the direct object of some action. In the example above, the “ball”
is in the accusative case because it’s the direct object of
George’s action of giving. In Latin, therefore, the word for ball
would have the characteristic accusative case ending attached to
its stem. The accusative case is also used after some
prepositions, but we’ll look at that later.

ABLATIVE CASE

The ablative case is rather complicated. Let’s just say for now
that when you see a noun in the ablative case, translate it by
using the prepositions “with” or “by”. We’ll study the various
meanings of the ablative case separately in later chapters.

VOCATIVE CASE

If you want to call someone or something by name to get some
attention, then you use the vocative case. “Dog, get out of the
house!” “Dog” is in the vocative case. The form of the vocative
case — that is, the ending you attach to the stem to form the case
— is almost always identical to the nominative form of the word.
For that reason, the nominative and vocative forms are often listed
together in a declensional pattern, instead of being given separate
listings. The vocative case is very easily distinguished from the
nominative case, though, because a noun in the vocative is always
set off from the rest of the sentence with commas and is often
preceded by in the interjection “O” — the Latin equivalent of our
“hey”: “O puellae, date poetae rosas” (Hey girls, give roses to
the poet.)

So let’s put all this together into a chart you can use when you’re
translating a Latin sentence. The sooner you’ve memorized this
guidelines, the easier it’ll be for you to work through Latin
sentences:

THE CASES

Nominative the subject of a verb
Genitive use “of” or “-‘s” (“-s'”) for the plural
Dative use “to” or “for”, or put the noun before the
direct object
Accusative the direct object of a verb or object of a
preposition
Ablative use the prepositions “with” or “for”
Vocative use the English “hey” or “Oh”

AGREEMENT OF ADJECTIVES AND NOUNS

An adjective is a word which modifies or qualifies a noun. “A red
leaf:” “leaf” is the noun and “red” is telling you something more
about it. That’s pretty simple. To indicate which noun an
adjective is modify we use position in English: i.e., we put the
adjective right next to the noun.

“A red leaf with a brown stem fell off the tall tree onto the
flat ground”.

There is no question about which adjectives are modifying which
nouns. No one, except perhaps a deconstructionist, would think the
author is trying to say that the ground is red or that the stem is
flat. Position makes this clear. In Latin, however, where
position is not so important, adjectives have to be put together
with their nouns differently. Instead of using position, Latin
adjectives take on some of the characteristics of the nouns they’re
modifying: i.e., they undergo changes to match the noun they’re
modifying.

So what properties do nouns have in a Latin sentence. Well,
they have case — they have to have case to work in the sentence —
and they have number (singular or plural) and they have gender
(masculine, feminine, or neuter). Remember this about gender: a
noun can change its number and case, but it can only have one
gender; it cannot change its gender. So each noun has number,
gender, and case. An adjective has to be able to acquire the
number, gender, and case of the noun it’s modifying. So how does
it do that? It does it by declining. And in this respect it
resembles a noun: nouns decline to get different numbers and cases;
so do adjectives. But there is an important difference. Latin
nouns are either masculine, feminine or neuter, and they can never
change their gender. The noun “porta, -ae (f)” is forever
feminine. The noun “poeta, -ae (m)” is forever masculine, etc.
But for adjectives to be useful, they have to be able to become any
one of the three genders; i.e., adjectives have to be able to be
masculine, feminine or neuter to match the gender of the noun
they’re modifying. And how do they do that? They accomplish this
by using endings from different declensions (and you’ll learn these
other declension in the next couple of chapters). So here are two
critical differences between adjectives and nouns: (1) each
adjective can have any of the three genders, but each noun can have
only one gender; (2) each noun will belong only to one declension,
but adjectives can span declensions. You’ll see much more of this
later, but for now you need to know that adjectives use endings of
the first declension to become feminine, and, therefore, to modify
nouns which are feminine in gender. So try this. Decline the
expression “big rose”:

magna rosa

N/V. _______________ _______________

GEN. _______________ _______________

DAT. _______________ _______________

ACC. _______________ _______________

ABL. _______________ _______________

N/V. _______________ _______________

GEN. _______________ _______________

DAT. _______________ _______________

ACC. _______________ _______________

ABL. _______________ _______________

Now look at these endings for the adjective and the noun.
They look alike, don’t they. But this is dangerously deceptive.
Get this in your head: agreement means same number, gender, and
case, not look-alike endings, even though in this limited example
and in all the examples in this chapter they do look alike.
Consider this problem. The noun for poet is a masculine noun in
the first declension: “poeta, -ae (m)”. Now, for an adjective to
agree with it, it must have the same number, gender and case.
Right? But adjectives with first declension endings are masculine.
So, will the endings of an adjective modifying the noun “poeta” be
the same as those as “poeta”. I.e., will the pattern for “great
poet” look like this?

SINGULAR
magna poeta

N/V. magna poeta
GEN. magnae poetae
DAT. magnae poetae
ACC. magnam poetam
ABL. magna poeta
PLURAL

N/V. magnae poetae
GEN. magnarum poetarum
DAT. magnis poetis
ACC. magnas poetas
ABL. magnis poetis

The answer is “no”, because the forms “magna, magnae” etc. are
feminine in gender because adjectives use first declension endings
to become feminine in gender but the noun “poeta” is masculine.
Therefore the adjective will have to use endings from another
declension and the forms will not look alike. You’ll see all this
in the next two chapters. But remember: agreement means having the
same number, gender, and case, not having the same endings. Okay?

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

tua, mea The words “tua”, which means “your” and “mea”, which
means “my” are the first and second person singular
possessive adjectives, and they consequently must “agree”
in number, gender and case with whatever is being
possessed. “tu-” and “me-” are the stems of the word,
and the “-a” is the adjectival suffix. What causes
students concern is that they can’t quite bring
themselves to make the adjectival suffix of the singular
possessive adjectives plural. For example, they balk at
“meae rosae” (my roses), because they assume somehow that
the entire word “me-” must become plural. This isn’t
necessary. Think of it this way: the “me-” or “tu-” part
of these words refer you to the person doing the
possessing, the adjectival suffix refers to whatever is
being possessed.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 3

“Second Declension; Masculine Nouns and Adjectives;
Word Order”

THE SECOND DECLENSION

A declension is a pattern of endings for the different cases and
numbers which a noun falls through. Latin has five declension,
though the great majority of nouns fall into the first three. In
this chapter, you’ll learn one part of the second declension.
(You’ll get the other part of the second declension in Chapter 4.)
Let’s look again at a paradigm for the first declension endings and
compare them to endings of the second declension. Decline the noun
“puella, -ae (f)”.

puella, -ae (f) amicus, -i (m)

Nom. _______________ amicus

Gen. _______________ amici

Dat. _______________ amico

Acc. _______________ amicum

Abl. _______________ amico

Voc. _______________ amice

N/V. _______________ amici

Gen. _______________ amicorum

Dat. _______________ amicis

Acc. _______________ amicos

Abl. _______________ amicis

As you can plainly see, “-a-” is the dominant vowel of the first
declension. With the exception of the dative and ablative plural,
all the case endings have an “-a-” in them. Now let’s compare the
first declension with the second. Although it’s a little more
difficult to see in places, the dominant vowel of the second
declension is “-o-“. Once you see this difference between the
first and second declension, you can detect some of the
similarities.

(1) the accusative singular of both declensions adds “-m” to
the thematic vowel: “-am” and “-um” (originally “-om”).
(2) the ablative singular is just the long thematic vowel:
“-a-” and “-o-“.
(3) the genitive plural is the ending “-rum” added to the
thematic vowel: “-arum” and “-orum”.
(5) the dative and ablative plural are formed alike:

First Declension: “a-” + “-is” = “-ais” = “-is”
Second Declension: “o-” + “-is” = “-ois” = “-is”

(6) the accusative plural in both declensions is the thematic
vowel + “-s:” “-as” and “-os”.

So let’s set out the cases endings for the second declension:

SINGULAR PLURAL

Nom. ____________________ ____________________

Gen. ____________________ ____________________

Dat. ____________________ ____________________

Acc. ____________________ ____________________

Abl. ____________________ ____________________

Voc. ____________________ ____________________

2ND DECLENSION NOUNS IN -ER AND -IR; STEM CHANGES

As I said, this is the basic pattern of endings for nouns of the
second declension, and all second declension nouns will basically
use these endings. There are second declension nouns, however,
which do not follow this pattern precisely, but which use slight
variations of it. To begin with, not all second declension nouns
end in “-us” in the nominative singular. Some end in “-er” and one
common noun ends in “-ir”. So go back to the blank for the
nominative singular and add the variant nominative endings “-er”
and “-ir”.

Let’s have a look at a second declension noun that ends in “-er” in
the nominative singular: “puer, -i (m)” (boy). Just to review, how
do you know that this noun belongs to the second declension? The
answer is the genitive singular ending listed as the second entry.
It’s “-i”, the genitive singular ending of the second declension.
So what will the form of “puer” be in the genitive singular?
That’s easy too. It’ll be “pueri”, (stem + “-i). Now let’s decline
“puer” through all its cases in both numbers.

SINGULAR PLURAL

Nom. ____________________ ____________________

Gen. ____________________ ____________________

Dat. ____________________ ____________________

Acc. ____________________ ____________________

Abl. ____________________ ____________________

Voc. ____________________ ____________________

Let’s try another second declension noun which ends in “-er”
in the nominative singular: “ager, agri (m)” (field). The
nominative is the “-er” type you saw in “puer”, but look at the
genitive singular. Instead of just giving you an abbreviation for
the genitive singular ending — “-i” — the dictionary is telling
you something more. Here you have a full form, “agri”, for the
genitive entry of the noun. The case ending obviously is “-i”, so
the noun belongs to second declension. If you take off the
genitive singular ending “-i” you’re left with “agr-“, and what’s
that?

We need to pause here and refine what we mean by a “stem” of
a noun. As you probably recall, the stem of a noun is the basic
form of the noun to which you then add the case endings. But
despite the attractive notion that the “stem” of a noun is the
nominative singular minus the case ending, a stem of a noun is
really the form which is the root of all cases except the
nominative singular. This is not to say that the nominative
singular will never be the true stem of the word. In some
declensions it is. But not always. Look at “ager” again. The
stem of the word is found not by looking at the nominative entry,
but by dropping the genitive singular ending from “agri”, leaving
“agr-“. So the true stem of this word is “agr-“, not “ager-“.
Hence we say that “ager” is a stem changing noun, or that it has a
stem change. This is because the stem is not apparent in the
nominative entry. Let’s decline “ager, agri (m)”. Remember, the
stem is “agr-“:

SINGULAR PLURAL

N/V. ____________________ ____________________

Gen. ____________________ ____________________

Dat. ____________________ ____________________

Acc. ____________________ ____________________

Abl. ____________________ ____________________

Can you see now why it’s important that a dictionary begin to
decline the noun for you by giving you the genitive singular? If
you weren’t given “agri”, after “ager”, you wouldn’t know the
declension of the noun, nor would you know that “ager-” is not the
true stem. If a noun is not a stem-changing noun, then the
dictionary will simply put the genitive ending in the second entry.
But if it’s a stem changing noun, the dictionary must indicate
that. Examine the following nouns and see how the dictionary
conveys the necessary information.

ENTRY STEM MEANING

gener, -i (m) gener- son-in-law
magister, -tri (m) magistr- teacher
socer, -i (m) socer- father-in-law
liber, -bri (m) libr- book
vesper, -i (m) vesper- evening
signifer, -i (m) signifer- standard bearer

The noun “vir, -i (m)” represents another class of second
declension nominative singular endings. Is there a stem change
indicated in the genitive singular? No, there isn’t, so it behaves
just like “puer”. Decline it.

SINGULAR PLURAL

N/V. ____________________ ____________________

Gen. ____________________ ____________________

Dat. ____________________ ____________________

Acc. ____________________ ____________________

Abl. ____________________ ____________________

NOUNS ENDING IN -IUS

Nouns whose stem ends in an “-i-” need a closer look. “Filius, -ii
(m)” is a second declension noun and the stem is “fili-” (“filius”
minus the “-i” of the genitive singular). But the second entry has
an extra “-i”. What’s that all about? Don’t be disturbed. Often
when a stem ends in an “-i-” the dictionary likes to reassure you
that despite its odd appearance, the genitive singular form really
ends with two “i’s”: “filii”. Similarly, the dative and ablative
plurals: “filiis”. It may look odd, but there was a noticeable
difference in the way the two “i’s” would have been pronounced.
The first is short, the second is long, so “filii”, would have be
pronounced “FEE leh ee”. But in fact even the Romans weren’t very
comfortable with this arrangement, and often the “i’s” were
simplified to one long “-i-” to “fili” or “filis”. To be
consistent, Wheelock always uses the double “i”.

In the vocative singular, however, the “i” at the end of the
stem does cause a change. “Filius” is an “-us” ending second
declension noun so the vocative singular should be “filie”. But
short “i” and short “e” are so similar in sound that some
simplification was inevitable. The final form is not “filie” but
“fili”. So also in the name “Virgilius”: not “Virgilie”, but
“Virgili”. Decline “filius, -ii (m)”.

SINGULAR PLURAL

Nom. ____________________ ____________________

Gen. ____________________ ____________________

Dat. ____________________ ____________________

Acc. ____________________ ____________________

Abl. ____________________ ____________________

Voc. ____________________

ADJECTIVES

Let’s review for a moment. You remember that adjectives are words
which qualify nouns, and that an adjective will “agree” with the
noun it modifies. By “agreeing” we mean that it will have the same
number, gender, and case as the noun it’s modifying. You also know
that an adjective must be able to modify nouns of all three
genders, and that to modify a feminine noun an adjective uses the
case endings from the first declension. For example, translate and
decline “great wisdom”. “Wisdom” in Latin is “sapientia, -ae (f)”,
a feminine noun of the first declension, as you can tell from the
entry. “Great” is the adjective modifying “wisdom” so it must
agree in number, gender and case with “sapientia”. The stem of the
adjective is “magn-“, and the case endings you must use are those
of the first declension, since “sapientia” is feminine.

SINGULAR

great wisdom

N/V. _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________

PLURAL

N/V. _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________

What happens when an adjective needs to modify a masculine
noun? To modify a masculine noun an adjective uses the case
endings from the second declension. That’s fine and good, but we
have a problem. Which of the three singular nominative forms of
the second declension do they use: “-us”, “-er”, or “-ir?” The
answer is that some adjectives will us “-us” and some will use
“-er”. (None use “-ir”.) All the adjectives we’ll be looking at
for the next two chapters use the “-us” ending and decline after
that pattern. In chapter five you’ll get the “-er” type, so I’ll
postpone discussion of that kind until then (although there’s
nothing really very complicated about it). Let’s suppose you want
to modify the noun “poeta, -ae (m) with adjective for “great?”
Look up “great” in the dictionary and write down what you see.
(Make sure you look it up! I’ll wait right here.)

great ______________________________

Now what kind of an entry is this? The convention for listing an
adjective is different from that for a noun. The first entry tells
you how an adjective modifies a masculine noun, the second tells
you how it modifies a feminine noun, and the third how it modifies
a neuter noun (and we’ll learn about that in the next chapter). So
let’s look at the first entry: “magnus” tells you that the
adjective uses the “-us” type endings from the second declension to
modify a masculine noun; the “-a”, which stands for the nominative
singular of the first declension, tells you that it uses first
declension endings to modify feminine nouns; the “-um” tells you
which endings to use for neuter nouns. Now, how did you find the
stem of “-us” type nouns of the second declension? Do you
remember? You simply drop off the “-us” ending, and that’s the
stem. What’s the stem of the adjective “magnus, -a, -um?” I hope
you guessed “magn-“. So an entry like this is a short-hand way of
saying this:

MASCULINE FEMININE NEUTER

-us -a -um
-i -ae
-o -ae
-um -am
-o -a
-e -a
magn- +
-i -ae
-orum -arum
-is -is
-os -as
-is -is

So decline “great poet”. (WARNING: Remember that agreement means
same number, gender, and case; not form which look alike!)

SINGULAR PLURAL

great poet great poets

Nom. ____________ ____________ ____________
____________

Gen. ____________ ____________ ____________
____________

Dat. ____________ ____________ ____________
____________

Acc. ____________ ____________ ____________
____________

Abl. ____________ ____________ ____________
____________

Voc. ____________ ____________ ____________
____________

APPOSITION

Consider this English sentence: “Daniel, my brother, you were older
than me [sic]”. You can easily see that “brother” is giving you
more information about “Daniel”; that is, “brother” is modifying or
qualifying “Daniel”. In this sense, at least, “brother” is acting
like an adjective. But since “brother” is a noun, not an
adjective, it cannot qualify another noun in quite the same way an
adjective does. We call this modifying relationship between nouns
“apposition”. We would say “brother” is in “apposition” to
“Daniel”.

In Latin also, nouns can be set in apposition to each other
for modification. So one noun is modifying another noun —
something like an adjective modifying a noun. But, obviously a
noun cannot agree with the noun it’s modifying the same way an
adjective does. And why not? Nouns all have gender inherent in
them, so a noun can never change its gender to a agree in gender
with a noun it’s modifying. But it can agree with the noun it’s
modifying in case, and it will. In Latin, when a noun is in
apposition to another noun, the noun doing the modifying will agree
with the modified noun in case. “Gaium, meum filium, in agris
video”. (I see Gaius, my son, in the fields.) “Gaium” is
accusative because it’s the direct object of the verb “video”.
Therefore the word for “son” must also be in the accusative case,
since it’s telling us more about Gaius, and Gaius, as the object of
the verb “to see”, is in the accusative case.

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

de + abl.; in + abl. Like English, prepositions in Latin will
take the noun they’re governing in a case
other than the nominative. We wouldn’t
say in English “with I” or “to she:” we
say “with me” and “to her”. But in Latin,
some prepositions will have to be
followed by the accusative case; others
by the ablative case. (And some can be
followed by both, though the meaning
changes slightly.) Therefore, whenever
you learn a preposition, you must also
memorize the case it takes.

pauci, -ae This is an adjective, but unlike others
adjectives, the word for “few” has no
singular forms. (That’s logical.) So
the dictionary starts its listing in the
nominative plural. As you can see, the
“-i” and the “-ae” endings are the second
and first declension nominative plural
endings. So this adjective declines like
“magnus, -a, -um” with the exception that
it has no singular forms.

meus, -a, [-um] The adjective means “my”, and it agrees
with whatever is being owned. The stem is
“me-“. It has an irregular vocative
singular ending. Instead of “mee”, you
have “mi”. So it’s “mi amice” for “Hey,
my friend”.

Romanus, -a, [-um] This is an adjective, but it can be used
as a noun. Like “American”. It’s an
adjective — like “American Pie” — but
it can also be used for a person: “she’s
an American”, or “The Americans are
coming”. Hence, “Romani” can mean “the
Romans”, and “Romana” can mean a “Roman
woman”. On the other hand, we can also
say “Romana patria”: “the Roman
fatherland”; or “Romani libri”: “Roman
books”.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 4

“Neuters of the Second Declension; Summary of Adjectives;
Present Indicative of Sum;
Predicate Nouns and Adjectives”

Despite its lengthy title, you’ll find that much of this chapter
only adds incrementally to concepts you’ve already learned. That’s
the way it’s going to be for most of these chapters. Now that
you’ve learned the basics, the details will be much easier for you
to grasp.

NEUTERS OF THE SECOND DECLENSION

The second declension is the pattern of cases ending which has an
“-o-” for its thematic vowel. The nominative singular has three
possible forms — “-us”, “-er”, and “-ir”. Sometimes nouns which
end in “-er” in the nominative undergo a stem change from the
nominative to the genitive singular. To find the real stem of the
noun, you simply drop off the genitive ending “-i” from the second
entry in the dictionary. Finally, you may remember that the vast
majority of nouns ending in “-us”, “-er”, and “-ir” in the
nominative singular are masculine.

What you learned in the last chapter was not the whole story
on the second declension. The second declension is divided into
two parts: the part you know, and a set of endings which you’re
going to learn now. This second part contains only neuter nouns.
This is important to remember. Unlike the first declension and the
first part of the second, whose nouns could be either feminine or
masculine, all nouns which follow this second part of the second
declension are neuter. Next, the endings of this pattern are
nearly identical to those of the second declension you already
know. The differences are that (1) the nominative singular ending
is always “-um”; (2) the stem is found by dropping off nominative
“-um” ending and there is never a stem change; (3) the neuter
nominative and accusative plural endings are “-a”. You don’t have
to worry about the vocative singular; it’s the same as the
nominative singular. Remember, the only place in Latin where the
vocative differs from the nominative is in the singular of “-us”
ending second declension nouns and adjectives.

A dictionary entry for a noun of this type will look like
this: “x”um, -i (n) (where “x” is the stem). Since there is never
a stem change, the second entry only gives you the genitive
singular ending so that you can see the declension of the noun.
The “-um” of the nominative singular and then the “-i” in the
genitive tell you that the noun is a neuter noun of the second
declension, and that it therefore fits into the subcategory of the
second declension. Here are some examples for you to decline and
a second declension noun of the “us” type for comparison:

numerus, -i (m) periculum, -i (n) consilium, -ii (n)

Nom. ______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. ______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. ______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. ______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. ______________ _______________ _______________

Voc. ______________

N/V. ______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. ______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. ______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. ______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. ______________ _______________ _______________

There are a couple of hard and fast rules pertaining to the
inflection of all neuter nouns, no matter which declension they
belong to, which you may want to commit to memory: (1) the
nominative and accusative forms of neuters nouns are always like
each other, and (2) the nominative plural — and hence neuter
plural because of rule (1) — is always a short “-a”.

ADJECTIVES

You recall that adjectives are words which modify nouns, and that
in Latin an adjective must agree with the noun it’s modifying. By
“agreeing”, we mean it must have the same number, gender, and case.
An adjective acquires number and case by declining through a
declension — just like nouns — but how does an adjective change
gender? An adjective changes gender by using different
declensional patterns. If an adjective needs to modify a feminine
noun, it uses endings from the first declension; if it has to
modify a masculine noun, it uses the second declension endings
which are used by “-us” and “-er” ending nouns. So how do you
imagine will an adjective modify a neuter noun? Let’s look at a
dictionary entry for a typical adjective: “magnus, -a, -um”.

The first entry, as you recall, tells you which declension the
adjective uses to modify a masculine noun. It tells you by giving
you the nominative singular ending of the declension it uses. The
second entry is the nominative singular ending of the declension
the adjective uses to modify a feminine noun. The third entry is
the nominative singular of the declension the adjective uses to
modify a neuter noun.

So how does the adjective “magnus, -a, -um” modify a neuter
noun? It uses the “-um” neuter endings of the second declension,
so “magnus”, when it’s modifying a neuter noun, will follow the
same pattern as a noun like “periculum, -i (n). Write out all the
possible forms of the adjective “great”. (Check your work against
Wheelock, p. 18.)

“magnus, -a, -um”

MASCULINE FEMININE NEUTER

Nom. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

Voc. _______________

N/V. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

THE VERB “TO BE”

As in most languages, the verb “to be” in Latin is irregular
— i.e., it doesn’t follow the normal pattern of conjugation of
other verbs. Wheelock says it’s best just to memorize the forms by
sheer effort and rote. That’s a perfectly acceptable suggestion.
But the verb is actually much more regular than it may first
appear. If you wish, you may try to follow my discussion about the
verb to get a glimpse behind its seemingly bizarre appearance. If
not, just memorize the forms outright and skip over the paragraphs
in between the lines of asterisks.

****************************************

For those of you going on with me, let’s recall a couple of
things. A verb conjugates by adding personal endings to the stem
of the verb. You find the stem of the verb by dropping of the
“-re” ending of the infinitive, and what you’re left with is the
stem. The final vowel of the stem tells you the conjugation of the
verb: “-a-” for a first conjugation, “-e-” for the second
conjugation, etc. So let’s have a look at the infinitive of the
verb “to be” to find its stem. The infinitive is “esse”. What
kind of an infinitive is this?

We need to back up a little. Although you were told
otherwise, the real infinitive ending of a Latin verb is not “-re”
at all, but “-se”. Why does the “-se” become “-re”? It’s an
invariable rule of Latin pronunciation that an “-s-” which is
caught between two vowels — we call it “intervocalic” — turns
into a “-r-“. So the reason “laudare” is not “laudase” is that the
original intervocalic “-s-” became an “-r-“. So let’s look again
at the infinitive for the verb “to be”: “esse”. If we drop off
the infinitive ending “-se”, we’re left with the stem “es-” for the
verb. But the stem has no final vowel. For this reason we call
“esse” an “athematic verb”, because its stem ends in a consonant,
not a vowel, as other verbs do. To conjugate the verb, we should
therefore add the personal endings directly to the final “-s” of
the stem. This is what the formula should be (don’t fill in the
conjugated form yet).

STEM + PERSONAL ENDING = CONJUGATED FORM

1st es + m = _______________

2nd es + s = _______________

3rd es + t = _______________

1st es + mus = _______________

2nd es + tis = _______________

3rd es + nt = _______________

Try to pronounce the final form for the first person singular
“esm”. Do you hear how you’re automatically inserting a “u” sound
to make the word pronounceable? It sounds like “esum”. Try to
pronounce “esmus”. The same thing happens between the “s” and the
“m”. You almost have to insert a “u”. Now pronounce “esnt”. Same
thing, right? This is what happened to these forms. Over time, a
“u” sound became a part of the conjugation of the verb, and the
initial “e-” of the stem of all the forms with this “u” was lost.
(I can’t account for that.) Write out the resulting forms. Now
look at the remaining forms. Is there any trouble adding an “s” or
a “t” to the final “s-” of the stem? No. In fact, in the second
person singular, the “s” of the personal ending just gets swallowed
up by the “s” of the stem: “es + s = es”. Where there was no
complication in pronouncing the forms, the “e-” of the stem stayed.
Now write out the remaining forms of “to be” in Latin.

****************************************

As with other Latin verbs, the basic form of “to be” is
considered to be the first person singular, and that’s how the verb
will be listed in the dictionary, followed by the infinitive: “sum,
esse”. So when I want to refer to the Latin verb “to be”, I’ll say
the verb “sum”. You can also see why it’s going to be important to
memorize all these forms well. You can’t look up “estis” or “es”.
You must reduce these conjugated forms to a form that will appear
in the dictionary: you must know that these forms are from “sum”.

THE SENTENCE: SUBJECT AND PREDICATE

We divide sentences into two parts: the subject, which is what’s
being talked about, and the predicate, what’s being said about the
subject. Basically, the subject is the subject of the verb, and
the predicate is the verb and everything after it. For example, in
the sentence “Latin drives me crazy because it has so many forms”,
“Latin” is the subject, and everything else is the predicate. Of
course, the full story of subject and predicate is more involved
than this, but this will get us by for now.

PREDICATE NOMINATIVES, TRANSITIVE AND INTRANSITIVE VERBS

In Latin the subject of a verb is in the nominative case. You know
that. So it may seem to follow that, if the subject of the verb is
the subject of the sentence, that the nominative case should be
entirely limited to the subject of the sentence. That is, we
shouldn’t expect there ever to be a noun in the nominative case in
the predicate. Nouns in the nominative case should be the subject
of verbs, and the subject of verbs is in the subject clause of the
sentence, not in the predicate. But we do find nouns in the
nominative in the predicate. When we do, we call them, logically
enough, “predicate nominatives”. How does it happen that a
nominative case shows up in the predicate, after the verb?

We divided verbs into two broad classes: verbs which transfer
action and energy from the subject to something else (the object),
and verbs in which there is no movement of energy from one place to
another. Consider this sentence: “George kicked the ball”. Here
George expended energy — he kicked — and this energy was
immediately applied to an object — the ball — which was changed
as a result of what George did to it. We call a verb like this a
“transitive” verb and the object affected by it the direct object.
In Latin, the direct object of a transitive verb is put into the
accusative case. Now look at this sentence: “The river is wide”.
Is the river doing anything in this sentence to anything else?
Does the verb “is” imply that the subject is acting on something
else? No. There is no movement of activity from the subject to
something else. Verbs like this are called “intransitive” and
don’t take direct objects. In Latin that means they are not
followed by an accusative case. Some more examples of this: “The
dog was running away”, “We’ll all laugh”, “The clown didn’t seem
very happy”.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether a verb in English is
transitive or intransitive. A rule of thumb is this. Ask
yourself, “Can I ‘x’ something?” (where “x” is the verb you’re
investigating). If the answer is “yes” then the verb is
transitive; if “no” then it’s intransitive. “Can I see something?”
Yes; therefore the verb “to see” is transitive. “Can I fall
something?” No; therefore “to fall” is intransitive.

THE COPULATIVE VERB “SUM”

The verb “to be” is obviously an intransitive verb — there is no
movement of energy from the subject to an object — but it has an
interesting additional property. What are we actually doing when
we use the verb “to be?” We are in effect modifying the subject
with something in the predicate. In the sentence “The river is
wide”, “river” is the subject and “wide” is an adjective in the
predicate that is modifying “river”. Even though it’s on the other
side of the verb and in the predicate, it’s directly tied to the
subject. In Latin, therefore, what case would “wide” be in? Think
of it this way. “Wide” is an adjective, and it’s modifying the
“river”, even though it’s in the predicate. Adjectives in Latin
must agree in number, gender and case with the nouns they modify,
so “wide” has to be in the nominative case. It’s modifying
“river”, right? What the verb “to be” does is to tie or link the
subject directly to something in the predicate, and for that reason
we call the verb “to be” a “linking” or “copulative” verb. This
principle has a special application in Latin, which has a full case
system. When the verb “sum” links the subject with an adjective in
the predicate, the adjective agrees with the subject.

Donum est magnum. Dona sunt magna.

nominative = nominative nominative=nominative
neuter = neuter neuter = neuter
singular = singular plural = plural

When “sum” links the subject with a noun in the predicate,
however, we have a bit of a problem. Nouns have fixed gender, so
the noun in the predicate can’t agree with the subject noun in
quite the same way an adjective can. A noun in the predicate has
its own gender which it cannot change. But a noun in the predicate
which is tied to the subject by “sum”, will agree with the subject
in case. Think of the verb “sum” as an equal sign, with the same
case on both sides.

Mea vita est bellum (war).
nominative =nominative
feminine ~ neuter
singular = singular

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

Look at these two dictionary listings:

1. bellum, -i (n) “war”
2. bellus, -a, -um “beautiful”

The first is an entry for a noun, the second an entry for an
adjective. What are the differences? An entry for a noun starts
with the nominative singular form, then it gives you the genitive
singular. It actually starts to decline the noun for you so that
you can tell the noun’s declension and whether the noun has any
stem changes you should be worried about. The final entry is the
gender, since nouns have fixed gender which you must be given. For
a noun, therefore you must be given (1) the nominative form, (2)
the stem, (3) the declension, and (4) the gender.

An entry for an adjective, by contrast, has different
information to convey. For an adjective, you must know which
declension it’ll use to modify nouns of different gender, and
that’s what the “-us, -a, -um” is telling you. But there is an
important omission from the adjective listing. There is no gender
specified, and how could there be, adjectives change their gender.
As you’ll see later, this is the one sure sign that a word you’re
looking at is an adjective: if it has declension endings listed but
no gender.

You may also be concerned that, given the similar appearance
of these two words, you may mix them up in your sentences.
Certainly there will be some overlap of the two forms. For
example, “bella” is a possible form of the noun “bellum” and the
adjective “bellus, -a, -um”. But there are also many forms which
“bellus, -a, -um” can have which “bellum, -i (n)” can never have.
For example, “bellarum” can’t possibly come from a second
declension neuter noun. Neither can “bellae”, “bellas”, “bellos”,
“bella”, and some others. If you see “bell- something” in your
text, first ask yourself whether the case ending is a possible form
from the neuter noun for war. If not, then it’s from the adjective
for “pretty”. In the instances where the forms do overlap, you’ll
have to let context and your good judgment tell you which it is.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 5

“First and Second Conjugations: Future Indicative Active;
Adjectives of the First and Second Declension in -er”

FUTURE TENSE OF FIRST AND SECOND CONJUGATION VERBS

When you want to put an English verb into the future tense, you
use the stem of the verb and put “will” in front of it: “I see”
becomes “I will see”; “They have” becomes “They will have”; etc.
We call the additional word “will” a “helping verb”, or, more
learnedly, an “auxiliary verb”. No matter what you call it, the
“will” is modifying the way the listener will understand the
action of the verb “to see” and “to have”. In Latin, the future
tense is formed differently, but it still involves the addition
of something to the stem of the verb. The formula for forming
the future tense of first and second conjugation verbs in Latin
is this: “stem + be + personal endings”. The stem of the verb,
you remember, is what’s left after you’ve dropped off the “-re”
of the infinitive (the stem includes the stem vowel). The “-be-”
is the sign of the future and is attached directly to the stem.
Then you add the normal personal endings you used in the present
tense directly to the tense sign “be”. So let’s start to
conjugate the future tense of a first and second conjugation
verb. Here are the tables. (Don’t fill in the conjugated form
just yet.)

I. FUTURE OF THE FIRST CONJUGATION: laudo, laudare

STEM + TENSE SIGN + PERS. END. = CONJUGATED
FORM

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

II. FUTURE OF THE SECOND CONJUGATION: moneo, monere

STEM + TENSE SIGN + PERS. END. = CONJUGATED
FORM

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

_________ + __________ + _____________ =
_______________

All this seems quite logical and straight-forward. But
these is one glitch: the short “-e-” of the tense sign “-be-”
undergoes some radical changes when you start attaching the
personal endings.

(1) Before the “-o” of the first person singular, the short
“-e-” disappears completely, leaving “-bo”.
(2) Before the “-nt” of the third person plural, it becomes
a “-u-“, leaving the form “-bunt”.
(3) And before all the other endings, it becomes an “-i-“,
for “-bis”, “-bit”, “-bimus”, and “-bitis”.

As you can see, the short “-e-” in fact never stays what it is in
any of these forms. And you may very well be wondering to
yourself why I’m showing you all this. Why can’t you simply
memorize the future endings as “-bo”, “-bis”, “-bit”, “-bimus”,
“-bitis”, and “-bunt”, without having to look any farther back
into its history. The answer is you can certainly remember just
the final forms if you wish, but this problem of the short “-e-”
changing to other vowels occurs repeatedly in Latin, and instead
of memorizing by rote each time you come across it, it just seems
easier to learn the rule governing the changes, rather than
encountering the changes each time as unique phenomena. It’s
hard to believe now, but knowing the deeper rules will make your
lives simpler in the future. Now that you know the rules, go
back and fill in the conjugated forms of the future tense.

FIRST AND SECOND DECLENSION ADJECTIVES IN -ER

Look at this adjective: “stultus, -a, -um”. Do you remember what
this entry is telling you? An adjective spans the first and
second declensions to get the endings it needs to modify nouns of
different genders. This entry is telling you that the adjective
for “stupid” (stem: “stult-“) uses second declension “-us” type
endings when it modifies masculine nouns, first declension
endings when it modifies feminine nouns, and the “-um” category
of neuter endings of the second declension to modify neuter
nouns.

Now let’s look a little more closely at the second
declension. It has two parts, you may remember: the section
reserved entirely for neuter nouns — those ending in “-um” in
the nominative singular — and the section used by masculine and
feminine nouns (the vast majority are masculine). There is a
variety of nominative singular endings in this second group:
“-us”, “-er”, and “-ir”. The nouns which followed the “-us” type
second declension presented two problems: to find the stem, you
simply dropped off the “-us” ending of the nominative case. But
for the second declension nouns which ended in “-er” in the
nominative singular, you had to be more careful. For some of
them, the stem was the form of the nominative singular, but for
others the “-e-” of the “-er” dropped out from the stem. Then
you used the reduced form for all the other cases. The
dictionary has to tell you which “-er” ending nouns had stem
changes, and it does so in the in second entry for the noun.

puer, -i (m)
liber, -bri (m)
ager, agri (m)

The stem of “puer” is “puer-“, the stem of “liber” is “libr-“,
the stem of “ager” is “agr-“. Okay, so much by way of review.

Now look at this word as it appears in the dictionary:
“liber, -a, -um”. What is this? Is it a noun or an adjective?
You can tell it’s an adjective because there is no gender listed
for it. (Remember, an adjective has to be able to change its
gender, so it has no fixed gender, as a noun does.) An entry for
an adjective has to tell you how it will acquire different
genders — which declensional pattern it will use to become
masculine, feminine and neuter — and, you may recall, the first
entry shows you the masculine nominative, the second the feminine
nominative, and the third the neuter nominative.

So have a look again at this adjective. The second entry
looks familiar — it’s the nominative singular ending of the
first declension. This tells you that the adjective “liber”
become feminine by using first declension endings. The “-um”
should look familiar, too. That’s its neuter ending, telling you
it uses the “-um” endings of the second declension to modify
neuter nouns. But what’s the first entry? You know that this is
telling you how the adjective becomes masculine, but what about
the “-er”.

You’ve probably already figured out by now that the
adjective is going to use the second declension endings to modify
masculine nouns, and that it’s going to use the “-er” ending in
the nominative singular. So for “free soul”, you would write
“liber animus”. But what is the stem of the adjective? Remember
that “-er” ending nouns of the second declension often change
their stems when they move out of the nominative singular. The
dictionary tells you about that in the second entry for the
adjective in the genitive singular. That is, the dictionary
actually starts declining it for you. But how will it tell you
whether an adjective in “-er” has a stem change?

The rule is this. An adjective in “-er” which changes its
stem (i.e., drops the “-e”) will use the changed stem in all
genders and numbers and cases except for the nominative masculine
singular. So all you need to see to know whether the adjective
is going to change its stem is the next entry — the feminine
nominative singular — to know about the stem. Look at this
entry.

M F N

pulcher, -chra, -chrum

There, do you see it? The second entry shows you not only how
the adjective becomes feminine, but also that the stem for all
other cases except the masculine nominative singular is
“pulchr-“. Look as this adjective: “noster, nostra, nostrum”.
Stem change, right? Now look at this again: “liber, -a, -um”.
There is no stem change since it is not indicated in the second
entry. So the stem is “liber-” throughout its inflection. Let’s
do a few exercises. Translate and decline the following.

beautiful fatherland our son

Nom. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Gen. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Dat. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Acc. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Abl. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Voc. ______________
______________

N/V. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Gen. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Dat. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Acc. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

Abl. ______________ ______________ ______________
______________

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

animus, -i (m) In the singular the word means “soul,
spirit”, the vapory seat of
self-awareness. But in the plural it
often takes on another meaning. It may
mean “courage”, like our expression
“high spirits”, “spirited”, as in “The
losing team put up a spirited struggle”.
It happens often in Latin that a word
will acquire new meanings in the plural.
C.p., the meaning of the English word
“manner” in the singular with its
meaning in the plural: “manners”.

noster, -tra, -trum This is an adjective which means “our”.
That is, the adjective agrees with the
thing that is “ours”. Therefore, it has
a plural form only if the noun it’s
agreeing with is plural. Students are
often lured into thinking that “noster”
will have only plural case endings
because “our” is first person plural.
Remember, “noster” will have plural
cases endings only if it’s agreeing with
a plural noun: “noster filius” (our son)
or “nostri filii” (our sons).

igitur Wheelock tells you it’s post-positive:
it never is the first word in a Latin
sentence (and it’s usually the second
word.) Despite our tendency to put the
English “therefore” at the beginning of
the sentence, “igitur” is never first.
Remember.

-ne We form questions in English by juggling
word order around, and by using
auxiliary verbs. But Latin doesn’t have
that option since word order doesn’t
work in the same way. To ask a question
in Latin, put “-ne” at the end of the
first word of the sentence. The word to
which it is attached becomes the point
of inquiry of the question: “Amasne
me?” (Do you love me?), “Mene amas?” (Is
it me you love (and not someone else)?)

propter + acc. As you know, prepositions in Latin take
certain cases. “Propter” takes the
accusative case — always — and we
translate it, “because of”. Don’t be
thrown off by our English translation.
“Propter” does not take the genitive
case in Latin. It takes the accusative.

satis When we say “I have enough money”, we
use “enough” as an adjective modifying
“money”. In Latin the word for “enough”
is a noun, not an adjective. Latin
follows “satis” with the genitive case,
and says in effect “I have enough of
money” (Habeo satis pecuniae.) You’ll be
pleased to know that “satis” does not
decline — it is always “satis”.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 6

“Sum: Future and Imperfect Indicative; Possum: Present,
Future, and Imperfect Indicative; Complementary Infinitive”

The two verbs which are the subject of this chapter are closely
related — “possum” (“to be able”) uses the forms of the verb
“sum” (“to be”) — so you don’t have to learn two separate
irregular verbs outright. You can tie them together.

SUM, ESSE: FUTURE TENSE

You have already learned the present tense of the irregular verb
“sum”. And those of you who followed my expanded notes on these
forms know the whole truth about the present tense. Those of you
who skipped them, I recommend you go back to that section and
read them now. They will help you with this discussion.

Do you remember how you formed the future tense of the first
and second conjugation verbs? It was something like this:

stem + tense sign + personal endings = conjugated forms

The verb “sum” follows this formula exactly, but it has a tense
sign for the future you haven’t seen before. Let’s start at the
beginning.

(1) The stem of the verb “to be” is “es-“.
(2) The tense sign for the future is short “-e-“. For the
first and second conjugations, the tense sign of the
future was “be-“, and the short “-e-” of the tense sign
underwent changes when the personal endings were added
to it. Do you remember what they were? The short
“-e-” future tense sign will undergo the same changes.
(3) The personal endings are the same you’ve been using all
along: “-o” or “-m”, “-s”, “-t” etc.

So let’s set up a construction table for the future of “sum”. For
now, fill in all the information except the conjugated form.

FUTURE TENSE: “sum, esse”

STEM + TENSE SIGN + PERS. END. = CONJUGATED
FORMS

1st _____ _________ ___________
_______________

2nd _____ _________ ___________
_______________

3rd _____ _________ ___________
_______________

1st _____ _________ ___________
_______________

2nd _____ _________ ___________
_______________

3rd _____ _________ ___________
_______________

There is one more thing you need to know before you can
finish this off. It’s a rule of Latin pronunciation that
whenever an “-s-” is between two vowels (when it’s
“intervocalic”, as the professionals say), it changes from “-s-”
to “-r-“. Now look at the stem of “sum”. “Es-” plus the tense
sign “-e-” will put the “-s-” between two vowels, so the “-s-” of
the stem will become an “-r-“: “ese-” = “ere-“. That, then,
will be the base to which you add the personal endings. Now fill
out the conjugated forms — and remember the changes the short
“-e-” is going to go through. (Check Wheelock, p. 27.)

SUM, ESSE: IMPERFECT TENSE

The imperfect tense is a new tense for you, and we’re not going
to look very deeply into it here. For now, just remember that
the imperfect tense of “sum” is our “was” and “were”. At least
don’t call this the past tense; call it the imperfect tense. The
imperfect tense is formed along the same lines as the future
tense:

stem + tense sign + personal endings = conjugated forms

Obviously, since this is a different tense, the tense sign is not
going to be the same as the future tense sign. The tense sign of
the imperfect is “-a-“. One other slight difference is that the
imperfect tense uses the alternate first person singular ending:
“-m” instead of the expected “-o”. And don’t forget the rule of
“-s-“: when it’s intervocalic, it changes to “-r-“. Fill out the
following table:

IMPERFECT TENSE: “sum, esse”

STEM + TENSE SIGN + PERS. END. = CONJUGATED
FORMS

1st ______ _________ _____________
______________

2nd ______ _________ _____________
_______________

3rd ______ _________ _____________
_______________

1st ______ _________ _____________
_______________

2nd ______ _________ _____________
_______________

3rd ______ _________ _____________
_______________

POSSUM, POSSE: PRESENT, FUTURE, IMPERFECT TENSES

In Latin, the verb “to be able” is a combination of the adjective
base “pot-” (“able”) plus the forms of the verb “sum”. To say “I
am able”, Latin took the adjective “pot-” and combined it with
the present tense of “sum”. To say “I will be able”, Latin used
“pot-” plus the future of “sum”. To say “I was able”, Latin used
“pot-” plus the imperfect of “sum”. For the verb “possum”, then,
it is the verb “sum” provides the person, number, and the tense.

In the present tense, there is one glitch: wherever the verb
“sum” starts with an “s-“, the “-t-” of “pot-” becomes an “-s-”
also. So you see “possum” instead of “potsum” (from “pot +
sum”), and so on. (When a consonant turns into the consonant
which it is next to, we call this “assimilation”. So we would
say “t” assimilates to “s”.)

The one real oddity of the verb is its infinitive. We might
expect “potesse” (“pot + esse”) according to the rules, but the
form “posse” is just one of those unexpected moments in life
where things get out of control. You might want to remember it
this way: the English word “posse” is a group of citizens who
have been granted power to make arrests: that is, they have
“ableness”. Fill out the following charts for the verb “possum,
posse”.

PRESENT TENSE: possum, posse

ADJECTIVE + CONJUGATED FORM OF SUM = CONJUGATED FORM

1st pot ____________________ _______________

2nd _________ ____________________ _______________

3rd _________ ____________________ _______________

1st _________ ____________________ _______________

2nd _________ ____________________ _______________

3rd _________ ____________________ _______________

FUTURE TENSE: possum, posse

ADJECTIVE + CONJUGATED FORM OF SUM = CONJUGATED FORM

1st _________ ____________________ _______________

2nd _________ ____________________ _______________

3rd _________ ____________________ _______________

1st _________ ____________________ _______________

2nd _________ ____________________ _______________

3rd _________ ____________________ _______________

IMPERFECT TENSE: possum, posse

ADJECTIVE + CONJUGATED FORM OF SUM = CONJUGATED FORM

1st _________ ____________________ _______________

2nd _________ ____________________ _______________

3rd _________ ____________________ _______________

1st _________ ____________________ _______________

2nd _________ ____________________ _______________

3rd _________ ____________________ _______________

The only real difficulty with “possum” is the English
translations for it. If you stick with “to be able”, “will be
able”, and “was/were able”, you’ll get through just fine. But
you can also translate “possum” with the English verb “can”. But
“can”, although it is popular in English, is loaded with
oddities. For one, it has no future tense — “I will can??” —
and secondly, the imperfect tense is “could”, which is also a
conditional of some kind or another in English: “Do you think I
could have a dollar?” Try to stay with “to be able” for now, but
be aware of the possibilities of “can”.

THE COMPLEMENTARY INFINITIVE

If you were to walk up to a stranger and, out of the blue, say “I
am able”, you’d be answered by a pause. The stranger would be
expecting you to complete your thought: “Yes, you’re able to do
what?” That’s because “to be able” requires another verb to
complete its sense, and the form the completing verb will have is
the infinitive. It needs a completing infinitive (or
“complementary infinitive”). This is true in Latin as well.
“Possum” in all its forms will be followed by another verb in the
infinitive form: “Poterunt videre nostros filios”. (They will be
able to see our sons.)

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

liber, -bri (m) How are you going to keep the noun for “book”
distinct in your mind from the adjective for
“free”: “liber, -a, -um”. For one, the “-i-”
in “liber, -bri (m)” is short, but it’s long in
“liber, -a, -um”. Next, there is a stem change
in “liber, -bri (m)” but not in “liber, -a,
-um”. So if you see an inflected form “libr-
something”, then you know the word means
“book(s)”. Remember this by recalling their
English derivatives: library is from the
stem-changing “liber, -bri (m)”, and “liberty”
is from “liber” in which there is no stem
change. For the most part, derived words come
from the stem of the nouns, not the nominative
singular.

vitium, -ii (n) Please don’t confuse this with the word for
life “vita, -ae, (f)”. Keep them straight this
way: “vicious”, which comes from “vitium”, has
an “-i-” after the “-t”, but “vital”, which
comes from “vita”, does not. “Vitia” means
“vices” or “crimes”; “vita” means “life”.

Graecus, -a, -um Like “Romanus, -a, -um”, this adjective can be
used as a noun: “Graecus” can be translated as
“a Greek man”, and “Graeca” as “a Greek woman”,
or as an adjective: “Graecus liber” = “a Greek
book”.

-que As Wheelock tells you, this word (called and
enclitic because it “leans on” another word and
never stands alone in a sentence) is attached
to the end of the second word of two that are
to be linked. Think of it this way: “x yque”
= “x et y”.

ubi If “ubi” comes first in a sentence which is a
question, always translate it as “Where”. “Ubi
es?” (Where are you?) But when it is in the
middle of a sentence, it can be translated as
either “where” or “when”, and does not mean
that a question is being asked. You must try
them both out to see which of the two
possibilities makes the most sense.

insidiae, -arum (f) We translate this word, although it is always
plural in Latin, as the singular “plot”, or
“treachery”. It’s going to happen often that
ideas which are conceived of as plural in
Latin are thought of as singular in English.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 7

“Third Declension: Nouns”

The third declension is generally considered to be a “pons
asinorum” of Latin grammar. But I disagree. The third
declension, aside for presenting you a new list of case endings
to memorize, really involves no new grammatical principles you’ve
haven’t already been working with. I’ll take you through it
slowly, but most of this guide is actually going to be review.

CASE ENDINGS

The third declension has nouns of all three genders in it.
Unlike the first and second declensions, where the majority of
nouns are either feminine or masculine, the genders of the third
declension are equally divided. So you really must pay attention
to the gender markings in the dictionary entries for third
declension nouns. The case endings for masculine and feminine
nouns are identical. The case endings for neuter nouns are also
of the same type as the feminine and masculine nouns, except for
where neuter nouns follow their peculiar rules:

(1) the nominative and the accusative forms are always the
same, and
(2) the nominative and accusative plural case endings are
short “-a-“.

You may remember that the second declension neuter nouns have
forms that are almost the same as the masculine nouns — except
for these two rules. In other words, there is really only one
pattern of endings for third declension nouns, whether the nouns
are masculine, feminine, or neuter. It’s just that neuter nouns
have a peculiarity about them. So here are the third declension
case endings. Notice that the separate column for neuter nouns
is not really necessary, if you remember the rules of neuter
nouns.

Masculine/Feminine Neuter

N/V. ———- ———-
Gen. -is -is
Dat. -i -i
Acc. -em (same as nom.)
Abl. -e -e

NV. -es -a
Gen. -um -um
Dat. -ibus -ibus
Acc. -es -a
Abl. -ibus -ibus

Now let’s go over some of the “hot spots” on this list. The
nominative singular is left blank because there are so many
different possible nominative forms for third declension nouns
that it would take half a page to list them all. You needn’t
fret over this though, because the dictionary’s first entry for a
noun is the nominative singular. You’ll have to do a little more
memorization with third declension nouns because you simply can’t
assume that it’ll have a certain form in the nominative just
because it’s third declension — as you could with first
declension nouns, where they all end in “-a” in the nominative.

The same is true for neuter nouns in the nominative singular
— although the possible forms for neuter nominative singulars is
much more limited. It’s just not worth the effort to memorize
them. And remember, the accusative form of neuter nouns will be
exactly the form of the nominative, so there’s a blank in the
accusative slot for neuter nouns. It’ll be whatever the
nominative is.

STEMS OF THIRD DECLENSION NOUNS

One very distinctive characteristic of nouns of the third
declension is that nearly all of them are stem-changing nouns.
But the concept of stem-changing nouns is not new for you.
You’ve already worked with it in the second declension with nouns
ending in “-er” in the nominative. Look at this entry for a
second declension noun: “ager, agri (m)”. The first entry for a
noun is the nominative singular, the second is the genitive where
you learn two things: (1) the declension of the noun (by looking
at the genitive ending), and (2) whether there is a stem change
from the nominative to the other cases. In this instance we
learn that “ager” is a second declension noun — because the
genitive ending is “-i” — and that there is a stem change. The
stem of noun is “agr-“, so it’ll decline like this:

N/V. ager N/V. agri
Gen. agri Gen. agrorum
Dat. agro Dat. agris
Acc. agrum Acc. agros
Abl. agro Abl. agris

Now look at an example entry for a third declension noun: “rex,
regis (m)”. Use your experience with second declension “-er”
type masculine nouns to draw out all the important information
you need about this noun. What’s its stem? Now decline it.

N/V. rex + — = rex

Gen. __________ __________ ____________________

Dat. __________ __________ ____________________

Acc. __________ __________ ____________________

Abl. __________ __________ ____________________

N/V. __________ __________ ____________________

Gen. __________ __________ ____________________

Dat. __________ __________ ____________________

Acc. __________ __________ ____________________

Abl. __________ __________ ____________________

How did you do? Check your answers against page 31 in Wheelock.
The nominative form is just what’s listed in the dictionary —
there is no ending in the nominative singular to add. Next, the
stem of “rex” is “reg-“, which you get by dropping off the “-is”
genitive ending of the third declension from the form “regis”
which the dictionary gives. Now decline this noun: “corpus,
corporis (n)”.

N/V. __________ + __________ = ____________________

Gen. __________ __________ ____________________

Dat. __________ __________ ____________________

Acc. __________ __________ ____________________

Abl. __________ __________ ____________________

N/V. __________ __________ ____________________

Gen. __________ __________ ____________________

Dat. __________ __________ ____________________

Acc. __________ __________ ____________________

Abl. __________ __________ ____________________

Did you remember the two rules of neuter nouns? Check your
answers on page 31. How are you doing? Try to decline a couple
more for some more practice.

pax, pacis (f) virtus, virtutis (f) labor, laboris (m)

N/V. __________ _______________ _______________

Gen. __________ _______________ _______________

Dat. __________ _______________ _______________

Acc. __________ _______________ _______________

Abl. __________ _______________ _______________

N/V. __________ _______________ _______________

Gen. __________ _______________ _______________

Dat. __________ _______________ _______________

Acc. __________ _______________ _______________

Abl. __________ _______________ _______________

One of the difficulties beginning students have with third
declension nouns is that dictionaries only abbreviate the second
entry, where you’re given the stem of the noun, and it’s often
puzzling to see just what the stem is. Look over this list of
typical abbreviations. After a very short time, they’ll cause
you no problem.

ENTRY STEM ENTRY STEM

veritas, -tatis (f) veritat- oratio, -onis (f) oration-
homo, -inis (m) homin- finis, -is (f) fin-
labor, -oris (m) labor- libertas, -tatis (f)
libertat-
tempus, -oris (n) tempor- senectus, -tutis (f)
senectut-
virgo, -inis (m) virgin- amor, -oris (m) amor-

ENTRY STEM

corpus, -oris (n) ____________________

honor, -oris (m) ____________________

humanitas, -tatis (f)____________________

frater, -tris (m) ____________________

mutatio, -onis (f) ____________________

pater, -tris (m) ____________________

pestis, -is (f) ____________________

scriptor, -oris (m)____________________

valetudo, -inis (f)____________________

cupiditas, -tatis (f)____________________

MODIFYING THIRD DECLENSION NOUNS

Modifying a third declension noun is nothing to cause any alarm.
It’s done the same way you modify first and second declension
nouns: put the adjective in the same number, gender, and case as
the target noun, and away you go. What causes beginners in Latin
some discomfort is that they can’t quite bring themselves around
to modifying a third declension noun with an adjective which uses
first and second declension endings.

Let’s go through this step by step. Suppose you want to
modify the noun “virtus, -tutis (f)” with the adjective “verus,
-a, -um”. You want to say “true virtue”. You know that “virtus”
is nominative, feminine and singular, so for the adjective
“verus, -a, -um” to agree with it, it must also be feminine,
nominative and singular. So look at the adjective’s listing
closely: how does “verus, -a, -um” become feminine? From the
second entry, you see that it uses endings from the first
declension to modify a feminine noun. Since “virtus” is
feminine, verus” will use first declension endings. You now
select the nominative singular ending from the first declension
— “-a” — and add it to the stem of the adjective. The result:
“vera virtus”. Try some more. Decline the following
expressions.

evil time small city

N/V. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Gen. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Dat. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Acc. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Abl. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

N/V. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Gen. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Dat. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Acc. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

Abl. ______________ _____________ ____________________________

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

mos, moris (m) In the plural, “mos” takes on a new meaning: in
the singular in means “habit”, in the plural
“character”. This isn’t hard to understand. What
a person does regularly to the point of being a
habit eventually becomes what he is: it becomes
his character.

littera, -ae (f) Like “mos, moris”, in the plural “littera”
takes on an extended meaning. In the
singular it means “a letter of the alphabet”;
in the plural it means either “a letter
(something you mail to someone)” or
“literature”. To say “letters”, — as in,
“He used to send her many letters” — Latin
used another word. “Litterae” is one letter.

post + acc. Means “after”, but it is only a preposition in
Latin, and cannot be used as a conjunction. For
the English “after” in this sentence, “post” is
not a correct translation: “After I went to the
zoo, I went to the movies”.

sub + acc./abl. This preposition, like a few others you’ll
see, can be followed by the accusative or the
ablative case. When it takes the accusative
it means motion to and under something; when
it takes the ablative it means “position
under”. “She walked under the tree” — in the
sense that she was not beneath the tree at
first but then walked there — would be “sub”
+ accusative in Latin; “She sat under the
tree” would be “sub” + ablative. Similarly,
if you say “She walked under the tree” in the
sense that she was walking around under the
tree, that would be “sub” + ablative because
no motion toward was involved.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 8

“Third Conjugation (duco): Present Infinitive, Present and
Future Indicative, Present Imperative Active”

PRESENT INFINITIVE AND PRESENT TENSE

You remember that Latin verbs are divided into groups called
“conjugations”, and the conjugations are distinguished from one
another by their thematic vowels. The thematic vowel of the
first conjugation is “-a-“; the thematic vowel of the second is
“-e-“. You can tell what the stem vowel (its thematic vowel) of
a verb is — and thereby its conjugation — by dropping the “-re”
ending from the infinitive, which is given to you in the
dictionary.

laudo laudare stem: lauda- 1st conjugation
moneo monere stem: mone- 2nd conjugation

Now look at the dictionary entry for the verb “to lead” in Latin:
“duco, ducere”. Simply by looking at the first entry, you might
think that this verb is going to be a first conjugation verb —
it looks like “laudo”. But the next entry looks something like a
second. Find the stem: it’s duce-. You have to look closely,
but the “-e-” of the stem is short. This is the characteristic
vowel of the third conjugation: short “-e-“.

Even if you’re not watching the long marks, you can still
tell a second conjugation verb in the dictionary from a third.
The first entry for a second conjugation verb will always end in
“-eo”, and then the second entry will end “-ere”. The first
dictionary entry of a third conjugation ends simply with “-o” and
then the second entry is “-ere”. So if the first entry of a verb
looks like a first conjugation verb in the first person singular
and if the infinitive looks like a second conjugation verb, then
you have a third conjugation verb. Identify the conjugations of
the following verbs:

ENTRY CONJUGATION ENTRY
CONJUGATION

doceo, docere __________ audeo, audere __________

amo, amare __________ tolero, tolerare __________

duco, ducere __________ valeo, valere __________

scribo, scribere __________ ago, agere __________

We’ll use “duco” as our example (paradigm) of third conjugation
verbs. Now let’s see about conjugating a third conjugation verb
in the present tense. You remember the formula for all verbs in
Latin in the present tense: it’s just the stem plus the personal
endings “-o”, “-s”, “-t”, etc. Fill out the following table,
except for the conjugated form.

PRESENT TENSE OF “duco, ducere”

STEM + PERSONAL ENDINGS = CONJUGATED FORM

1st _________ __________
____________________

2nd _________ __________
____________________

3rd _________ __________
____________________

1st _________ __________
____________________

2nd _________ __________
____________________

3rd _________ __________
____________________

What we need to know is what happens to the stem vowel when you
start attaching the personal endings. In the first and second
declensions this presented no problem, because the stem vowels
are long and strongly pronounced. But short vowels always cause
difficulties in languages and are subject to changes. You
already have experience with what happens to the short “-e-”
before personal endings. Do you remember how you form the future
tense of first and second conjugation verbs? You insert the
tense sign “-b-” in between the stem and the personal endings.
And then the short “-e-” changes:

laudabo – laudabo (“-e-” disappears)
laudabs – laudabis
laudabt – laudabit

laudabmus – laudabimus
laudabtis – laudabitis
laudabnt – laudabunt

This is what happens to short “-e-” before the personal endings.
In third conjugation verb, then, what is going to happen to the
short “-e-” of its stem? Right. It’s going to undergo precisely
the same changes. Now go back to the table and fill out the
conjugated forms of “duco”. (Check the answers in Wheelock, p.
35.)

FUTURE TENSE

Third conjugation verbs form the future tense in a way entirely
different from that of the first and second conjugation. First
and second conjugation verbs insert a tense sign — “-be-”
between the stem and the personal endings. Third conjugation
verbs do two things:

(1) For the first person singular, they replace the stem
vowel with an “-a-” and use the alternate personal
ending “-m” — instead of the more regular “-o”.
(2) For all the other forms, they lengthen the short “-e-”
of the stem to long “-e-“. Since the “-e-” is now
long, it no longer goes through any of the changes it
went through in the present tense. It simply stays
“-e-“. (Except of course where long vowels normally
become short: before “-t”, and “-nt”.)

Fill out the future tense of the verb “duco”.

STEM + TENSE SIGN + PERS. END. = CONJUGATED FORMS

1st duc __________ __________ _______________

2nd _____ __________ __________ _______________

3rd _____ __________ __________ _______________

1st _____ __________ __________ _______________

2nd _____ __________ __________ _______________

3rd _____ __________ __________ _______________

FUTURE OF THIRD CONJUGATION VS. PRESENT OF SECOND CONJUGATION

The way a third conjugation verb forms its future presents an
interesting problem. Write out the present tense of the second
conjugation verb “moneo, monere”, and next to it write out the
future of the third conjugation verb “mitto, mittere” (to send).

moneo mitto

PRESENT FUTURE

1st __________ __________

2nd __________ __________

3rd __________ __________

1st __________ __________

2nd __________ __________

3rd __________ __________

As you can see, except for the first person singular, the endings
of both these verbs look the same: the personal endings in both
these verbs are preceded by an “-e-“. The present tense of a
second conjugation verb almost always looks like the future tense
of a third conjugation verb, and this could cause you some
problems when you’re reading and translating. But not if you
keep your wits about you.

Suppose that you see a form like this in a text you’re
reading: “legent”. What do you do with it? First you recognize
the “-nt” as an ending that’s attached to verbs, so the word
you’re looking at is a verb. You want to look this verb up in
the dictionary, so you must simplify it to its basic form, which
is the first person singular. You remember that a verb is
conjugated by adding personal ending, so to reduce this form, you
drop of the “-nt”. This leaves you with “lege-“.

Now the next thing you have to consider is the “-e-“: is it
the stem vowel of a second conjugation verb, or is it the
lengthened “-e-” of a third conjugation verb as the tense sign
for the future? That is, is this a present tense form of a
second conjugation verb (stem + personal endings), or is it a
future of a third (stem + lengthened “-e-” + personal endings).
What do you do next to find out? You’ve gone as far as you can
with you preliminary analysis of the form. Now you have to
proceed provisionally.

Suppose that the verb is a second conjugation, what will the
dictionary entry look like? The first entry is the first person
singular, the second is the infinitive, so, if this is a second
conjugation verb, the entry will be “legeo, legere”. Right?
Because all second conjugation verbs end in “-eo” in the first
person singular. So you’ve reduced the conjugated form “legent”
to a form you can look up.

The next step is to look it up — but look for exactly what
you’ve supposed the form to be. Look for both “legeo”, and
“legere”. Look it up. You didn’t find it, did you? But if your
analysis was correct, “legeo” must be there. But it’s not. What
does that tell you? It tells you that “legent” is not a form of
a second conjugation verb. (If it were, you would have found
“legeo” in the dictionary, but you didn’t.) Go back to the other
possibility: “legent” could be the future of a third conjugation
verb, where the “-e-” is the sign of the future. So if this is
correct, what will the dictionary entry be? It’ll be “lego,
legere”. Check it out. This time you found what you were
looking for: “lego” means “to read”. So how do you translate
“legent?”

leg- -e- -nt
read will they

Or “they will read”.

The moral of this is that your lives used to be fairly
simple. An “-e-” before the personal endings always used to
indicate a present tense of a second conjugation verb. Now it
could mean a future of a third conjugation verb as well. You
have to proceed cautiously now, and make sure you have thoroughly
mastered your grammar before you start reading. You’ll also have
to use the dictionary more deliberately and intelligently than
you had to before. And that means thinking your forms through
before you turn to the dictionary.

IMPERATIVE

Do you remember the formulae you followed for forming the
imperative of first and second conjugation verbs? It was this:

Singular: stem + 0
Plural: stem + te

And so you came up with forms like this: “lauda”, “laudate”,
“mone”, “monete”, etc. Third conjugation verbs follow the same
formulae, but don’t forget that pesky short “-e-” stem vowel. If
there is something added to it, it changes to an “-i-” (or “-u-”
before the ending “-nt”); if there is nothing added to it, it
stays short “-e-“. So how are you going to form the imperative
of the verb “mitto?” Think.

Singular mitte + 0 = __________

Plural mitte + te = __________

This is how all third conjugation verbs will form their
imperatives — except for four very common verbs. The verbs
“duco”, and three other verbs you’ll get later, form their
singular imperatives by dropping the stem vowel altogether: “duc”
not “duce”. But the plural imperatives are quite regular:
“ducite”.

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

scribo, -ere One way to memorize the conjugation of verbs
is to learn them with the proper
accentuation. A second conjugation verb is
accented on the stem vowel in the infinitive,
so say “MOH neh o, moh HEH reh” for the
second conjugation verb “moneo, monere”. The
stress accent on a third conjugation falls on
the syllable before the stem vowel. So say,
“SREE boh, SCREE beh reh” for the third
conjugation verb “scribo, scribere”.
Similarly “DOO keh re” for “ducere”, “MIT teh
re” for “mittere” and so on.

copia, -ae (f) Another one of those words which have a
different meaning in the plural. In the
singular “copia” means “abundance”; in the
plural — copiae, -arum (f) — it means
“supplies, troops, forces”.

ad + acc Means “to” and “toward”, always with a sense
of “movement to. Students often “ad + acc”.
with the dative case of indirect object,
which we often translate into English with
the preposition “to”. Contrast these two
examples: “I am giving you a dollar (“you”
would be dative case) and “I am running to
you” (“you” would be in the accusative case
governed by “ad”).

ex, e + abl. Students sometimes get hung up on when to use
“ex” or “e”. Use “ex” before any word you
like, but use “e” only before words which
start with a consonant. If you wish, use
“ex” only. That way, you’ll always be right.

ago, agere An idiom with this verb which Wheelock is
going use a lot is “ago vitam”, which means
“to live” (to lead a life). Another is “ago
gratias” + dative, which means “to thank”.
The person being thanked is in the dative
case: “Populus hominibus gratias agent”.

duco, ducere Means “to lead”, but can also mean “to
think”. This extension is logical: we want
our leaders to be thinkers too, don’t we?

12/31/92

CHAPTER 9

“Demonstrative Pronouns: Hic, Ille, Iste”

ENGLISH: THIS, THESE; THAT, THOSE

Consider the following expressions:

this car that car
these cars those cars

The words “this”, “these”, “that”, and “those” are obviously
telling you a little something more about “car” or “cars”. They
are indicating the relative spacial location “car” or “cars” have
to the speaker. When we say “this car” or the plural “these
cars”, we are referring to the car or cars which are nearby:
“this car right here”; “these cars right here”. For the most
part, when we say “that car” or “those cars”, we mean cars which
are some distance from us: “that car over there”, or “those cars
over there”. It would sound odd for someone to say “that car
right here” or “these cars way over there”. So the words “this”,
“these”, “that”, and “those”, are telling us more about the words
they’re attached to; that is, they qualify or modify their nouns.
And we call words which modify other nouns “adjectives”.

As you know, in English adjectives hardly ever change their
form to “agree” with the thing they’re modifying.

“tall tree” and “tall trees”
“bad boys” and “bad girls”

This is different from Latin adjectives, which must change
endings to show the different numbers, genders, and cases of the
nouns they modify. But look again at the adjectives “this” and
“that”. When the nouns they modify become plural, the adjective
itself changes form: from “this” to “these”; from “that” to
“those”. These two are the only adjectives in English which
actually change their forms to match a grammatical feature of the
nouns they’re modifying. They have slightly different forms to
indicate a change in number of the nouns they modify.

So, these words are adjectives, since they qualify nouns,
and since their main purpose is to “point out” the nouns, we call
them “demonstrative adjectives” because they “point out” or
“point to” (Latin “demonstrare”). This is very important to
remember: these words are “demonstrative adjectives”.

THE LATIN DEMONSTRATIVE ADJECTIVES: ILLE, HIC, ISTE

Latin also has demonstrative adjectives roughly equivalent to our
“this” and “that”. Now remember, since these words are
adjectives in Latin, they must be able to agree with the nouns
they’re modifying. Therefore, these demonstrative adjectives
must be able to decline to agree with all three different
genders. For the most part, the Latin demonstrative adjectives
decline just like the adjectives you’ve see so far. That is,
they add the first and second declension endings to their stems.
But there are some unexpected irregularities which you simply
must memorize:

(1) The nominative singulars are irregular.
(2) The genitive singular for all genders is “-ius”.
(3) The dative singular for all genders is “-i”.

Keep these irregularities in mind and decline the demonstrative
adjective “that”. Its dictionary listing includes all the
nominatives — just as an adjective like “magnus, -a, -um” does
— so that you can see its declension pattern. The adjective for
“that” is “ille, illa, illud”. (You can check your work in
Wheelock, p. 39.)

STEM: ill-
MASCULINE FEMININE NEUTER

N/V. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

N/V. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

As you can see, the inflection of the demonstrative adjective
“ille” is quite recognizable after the nominative, genitive and
dative singulars. With some more time, however, you’ll become
well-acquainted with the irregulars forms “-ius” and “-i” of
genitive and dative singulars. All the demonstrative adjectives
and pronouns in Latin use these alternative genitive and dative
singular endings, as do some adjectives. In fact, we call this
declensional pattern the “heteroclite” declension, because it
seems to be borrowing the genitive and dative singular forms from
somewhere else.

Let’s turn now to the demonstrative adjective for “this”.
The stem is “h-“, and it follows the pattern set by “ille”:
unusual nominatives, alternative endings for the genitive and
dative singulars. But there are four additional things to note
about its declension:

(1) In the genitive and dative singulars, the stem
lengthens to “hu-” from “h-“.
(2) In all the singular cases and genders, and in the
neuter plural nominative and accusative, the particle
“-c” is added to the end of case endings for a little
extra emphasis: like “this here” in English. We call
the “-c” an “epideictic” (eh peh DAY tick) particle.
(3) When the epideictic particle “-c” is added to a case
ending which ends in an “-m”, the “-m” becomes an “-n”.
(4) The neuter nominative and accusative plural endings are
“-ae”, not “-a”, as you might expect from the second
declension.

This is quite a list of oddities, and students have some
difficulty mastering this demonstrative adjective. Keep you
finger on this list of irregularities and try to decline the
Latin demonstrative “this”: “hic, haec, hoc”.

STEM: h- (or hu-)

MASCULINE FEMININE NEUTER

N/V. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

N/V. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

Finally, there exists in Latin a demonstrative adjective
that has no real translation into English, though we can readily
recognize its meaning. It can only be rendered into English by
an inflection of the voice, one implying contempt, disdain, or
outrage. Read this exchange:

X: “Did you see the movie I was telling you about?”
Y: “What movie?”
X: “You know, the one about mass killing, torture, moral
outrages and general profligacy. The one you said no
one in his right mind ought to see?”
Y: “Oh, that movie”.

The final “that” in this dialogue corresponds to the Latin
demonstrative adjective “iste, ista, istud”. There is nothing
complicated about the declension of “iste”; It uses the
alternative genitive and dative singular endings “-ius” and “-i”,
and the neuter nominative and accusative singular is “-ud” (like
“illud”). Aside from that, it uses the standard first and second
declension endings.

STEM: ist-

MASCULINE FEMININE NEUTER

N/V. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

N/V. _______________ _______________ _______________

Gen. _______________ _______________ _______________

Dat. _______________ _______________ _______________

Acc. _______________ _______________ _______________

Abl. _______________ _______________ _______________

USING THE HETEROCLITE DECLENSION

As irritating as it may to have to memorize more endings, the
heteroclite declension has a nice advantage. It can often help you
establish the case of a noun. You know that the declensions have
forms which overlap. For example, the form “consilio” from the
noun “consilium, -ii (n) can be either the dative or ablative case
singular. But if it’s modified by a demonstrative adjective, you
can tell immediately which of the two it is:

huic consilio (dative)
hoc consilio (ablative)

Write out the number, gender and case the following nouns are in:

NUMBER GENDER CASE

1. illae civitates __________ __________ __________

2. illas civitates __________ __________ __________

3. isti puero __________ __________ __________

4. isto puero __________ __________ __________

5. illi amores __________ __________ __________

6. illos amores __________ __________ __________

ADJECTIVES USING THE HETEROCLITE ENDINGS: -IUS AND -I

As I mentioned, there are some adjectives in Latin which use the
alternative genitive and dative endings. Aside from that, however,
these adjectives follow the normal declensional patterns. There
are very few of them, but they are important adjectives which get
a lot of use. You’ve got to know them:

alius, -a, -ud “other”
alter, -a, -um “the other”
nullus, -a, -um “no, none”
solus, -a, -um “sole, alone”
totus, -a, -um “whole; entire”
ullus, -a, -um “any”
unus, -a, -um “one”

Judged by their dictionary entries alone, these adjective look
deceptively normal. They appear to be the standard variety
adjectives of the first and second declensions. But their genitive
and dative singulars are not the standard kind. Watch this
declension of the expression “the other man alone”:

Nom. alter vir solus
Gen. alterius viri solius
Dat. alteri viro soli
Acc. alterum virum solum
Abl. altero viro solo

ALIUS AND ALTER

“Alius, alia, aliud” is the adjective which means “other”, and it’s
one of those adjectives which follow the heteroclite declension:
“-ius” and “-i” for the genitive and dative singulars. For a
totally mysterious reason, Latin tends to replace the genitive
singular of “alius” with the genitive singular of “alter”. Hence
we find “alterius” in place of the expected “aliius” in the
declension of “alius”. After that oddity, the declension of
“alius” regains its sanity:

Masculine Feminine Neuter

N/V. alius alia aliud
Gen. alterius alterius alterius
Dat. alii alii alii
Acc. alium aliam aliud
Abl. alio alia alio

etc.

THE DEMONSTRATIVE ADJECTIVES USED AS DEMONSTRATIVE PRONOUNS

So far, so good. The demonstrative adjectives “hic”, “ille”, and
“iste” modify nouns and point them out. Essentially this is their
nature. They are demonstrative adjectives. But they have a very
common extended use. They are frequently used as “demonstrative
pronouns”. Because these words can be used either as adjectives or
as pronouns, we often call them just “demonstratives”. We’ll say
“hic” is a demonstrative, instead of calling it a demonstrative
adjective or pronoun. So what does this mean — demonstrative
pronoun? The demonstrative part of it you understand: it means
something which points out or gives emphasis. But what is a
pronoun? Without getting overly ambitious about setting down an
eternally unassailable definition, let’s just say for now that a
pronoun is a word which takes the place of another word in a
sentence. Here are some examples of pronouns in English:

“It just missed her”.
“She has a most interesting way of speaking”.
“Does he have it”?

As you can see, the underlined words are referring you to something
or someone which has already been mentioned sometime before, so to
recall them we only have to use a sign marker or abbreviation. The
word or idea which the pronoun is replacing is called the
“antecedent” (an te CEE dent). In additional to replacing their
antecedents, pronouns also tell you a little something about the
nature of the antecedent. For example, in the first sentence, you
can tell that the antecedent of “it” is singular and inanimate; the
antecedent of “her” is singular and feminine and animate. This is
an important rule to remember about pronouns: “Pronouns get their
number and gender from their antecedents”.

Let’s look at the English third person pronouns. We divide
the third person pronoun into two groups — those which refer to
animate objects (mainly humans) and those which refer to inanimate
objects. Our third person pronoun observes the distinction
between the genders masculine and feminine of animate things in the
singular; in the plural, however, they make no distinctions among
gender or animate and inanimate.

Singular

Masculine Feminine Neuter

Nom. he she it
Pos. his her its
Obj. him her it

Plural

Nom. they
Pos. their
Obj. them

Latin pronouns are much more observant of the gender of their
antecedents — as they would likely be, because of the importance
of grammatical gender in Latin. Consequently by looking at the
forms of the demonstrative pronouns “hic”, “ille”, or “iste”, you
can tell much more about their antecedents. This makes
constructions in Latin much more flexible. Look at this sentence.
“Non poteram haec videre”. How would you translate the “haec?”
You can tell that it is neuter, accusative plural from its form and
from the way it’s being used in the sentence. (It’s the direct
object of the verb “videre”.) So its antecedent is neuter in
gender, and plural. So what’s our plural, accusative third person
pronoun? It’s “them”. So this sentence would be translated “I was
not able to see them”. In English, you see, this sentence could
mean that I am looking at men, women, or rocks, since the pronoun
only tells us that the antecedent is plural. But Latin also tells
us the gender of the antecedent, so it can be much more specific.
Now let’s look at a pronoun with a little more context.

“Civitas est magna, sed non possum hanc videre”. (The city is
large, but I can’t see it.)

Remember that a pronoun gets its number and gender from its
antecedent, but it gets its case from the way it’s being used
grammatically in the sentence. The antecedent of “hanc” is
“civitas”; they are both singular and feminine. But “hanc” is
accusative because of the way it’s being used: it’s the direct
object of the verb “videre”. We would translate this into English:
“The city is large, but I don’t see it”. Notice that even though
the pronoun in Latin is feminine in gender — “hanc” — we don’t
translate it “her”, because we use “she”, “her”, and “her” only for
things which are biologically female. Unlike Latin, our nouns
don’t have grammatical gender. Now try this: “Est bona femina, et
hanc amamus”. (She is a good woman, and we love her.) This time,
since the antecedent is biologically feminine, we would translate
“hanc” with our feminine pronoun: “She is a kind woman and we love
her”. You’ll have to take a little care when you translate the
pronouns into English: you’ll use our pronouns “he” and “she”, and
so on, only when the antecedent of the Latin pronouns are
biologically masculine or feminine. Otherwise you’ll use our
neuter “it”, “its”, “it”, and “them”.

One final thing to remember about the demonstratives “hic”,
“ille”, and “iste”. They all three show much more emphasis than
does our simple “he, she, it”, but we have no way to translate that
extra bit over into English. Latin has a weaker third person
demonstrative which is equivalent to our “he, she, it” — you’ll
learn it later — but for now you’ll be translating “hic”, “ille”,
and “iste”, as if they were equivalent to “he, she, it”. It’s just
something we can’t get over into English very easily. Try a few
short exercises. Translate into Latin.

1. Your (sing.) books are good, and we love them [use a form of
“hic”.]

____________________________________________________________

2. Your (sing.) book is good, and we love it [use “ille”.]

____________________________________________________________

3. The danger is great, and I fear [“timeo”] it [use “iste”.]

____________________________________________________________

4. The dangers are great, and I fear them [use “iste”.]

____________________________________________________________

5. She is your [pl.] daughter, and we are giving her [use “hic”]
the money.

____________________________________________________________

6. They are your [pl.] daughters, and we are giving them [use
“ille”] the money.

____________________________________________________________

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

locus, -i (m) Something a little unusual happens to “locus”
in the plural. In the singular, “locus” means
either a physical place or a place in a book
(a passage in literature). As “loci, -orum
(m)” it means only passages in literature. To
say “places” as in physical places (regions),
Latin use a neuter derivative from “locus”:
“loca, -orum (n)”. So “locus” actually has
two different forms in the plural, each with
different meanings: “loci” means “passages”;
“loca” means “regions”.

enim Like “igitur”, “enim” is postpositive.

in + acc./abl. Like “sub” + accusative or ablative, “in” will
take its noun either in the accusative or the
ablative case. When it takes the accusative
in means motion into; with the ablative it
shows only position, with no motion into
involved. You can keep these two straight by
translating “in” + accusative always as
“into”. Say “in” for “in” + ablative.

nunc It’s the temporal “now”, not the logical
“now”. “Nunc” would be a translation for “Now
it’s raining”, not for “Now it’s time to end
this chapter”.

12/31/92

CHAPTER 10

“Fourth Conjugation and -io Verbs of the Third:
Present and Future Indicative, Present Imperative
and Active Infinitive”

REVIEW OF VERBS

Despite its epic-sized title, you’ll find that there is really
not so much to learn in this chapter after all. You already know
the present and future tenses of the first three conjugations,
and you know how to form their imperatives and infinitive. Let’s
have a look at what you know so far about these verbs.

1. The Present Tense

To form the present tense of verbs of all conjugations, you
simply take the stem of the verb (which includes its stem
vowel) and add the personal endings.

2. The Future Tense

To form the future tense of all conjugations, you take the
stem of the verb, then you add on a tense sign for the
future, and then you add the personal endings. For first
and second conjugation verbs, the tense sign of the future
is “-be-“; for the third conjugation, the tense sign is
“-a-/-e-“.

3. The Imperative Mood

To form the imperative mood in the singular, you use just
the stem (without any additional ending); for the plural you
add the ending “-te” to the stem. (The exceptions to this
rule are the third conjugation verbs “duc” and three others
you haven’t seen yet which lose their stem vowel short “-e”
in the singular. Their plural imperatives, however,
resurrect the stem vowel and are entirely regular:
“ducite”.)

4. The Infinitive

The infinitive is just the stem plus the ending “-re” for
all conjugations.

I. First Conjugation: amo, -are

PRESENT FUTURE IMPERATIVE INFINITIVE

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

_____________

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

II. Second Conjugation: moneo, -ere

PRESENT FUTURE IMPERATIVE INFINITIVE

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

_____________

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

III. Third Conjugation: mitto, -ere

PRESENT FUTURE IMPERATIVE INFINITIVE

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

_____________

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

FOURTH CONJUGATION: PRESENT, FUTURE, IMPERATIVE, AND INFINITIVE

This is going to be easy. Look at the entry for the Latin verb
“to hear”: “audio, -ire”. Take a close look. What’s the stem
vowel, and what, therefore, is the stem of the verb? Remember,
you discover the stem of a verb by dropping the “-re” infinitive
ending. What’s left is the stem (including the stem vowel). So
the stem of the verb “to hear” is “audi-“. And it’s to this stem
that you add the various tense signs, personal endings, and so on
to conjugate the verb. Four conjugation verbs are verbs whose
stem ends in a long “-i-“. So how are you going to form the
present tense of this verb? The formula of the present tense —
as you know already — is: stem plus personal endings. (There is
no intervening tense sign for the present tense). In other
words, fourth conjugation verbs are verbs having an “-i-” for its
stem vowel, and it follows precisely the same rules as the other
conjugations for forming the present tense, with the one
exception that in the third person plural, an extra “-u-” is
inserted between the stem vowel “-i-” and the “-nt” personal
ending. How about the future tense? The fourth conjugation uses
the same tense sign as the third conjugation for the future
tense, inserting the letters “-a/e-” between the stem and the
personal endings. Because the “-i-” is long it “survives” the
addition of endings. How about the present imperative? It’s just
like the other conjugations: the stem alone in the singular, and
the stem plus “-te” for the plural. And finally the present
infinitive? The stem plus “-re”.

So you can see that the principal difference between the
fourth conjugation and the others you’ve seen so far is the
quality of the stem vowel. Conjugate the fourth conjugation verb
“to come”.

IV. Fourth Conjugation venio, -ire:

PRESENT FUTURE IMPERATIVE INFINITIVE

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

___________

1 _____________ _____________

2 _____________ _____________ _____________

3 _____________ _____________

THIRD CONJUGATION i-STEM: PRESENT, FUTURE, IMPERATIVE AND
INFINITIVE

The third conjugation contains a subset of verbs, called
“i-stems”, that seem to imitate the fourth conjugation. The
third conjugation, as you know, contains verbs whose stem vowel
is short “-e-“. The short “-e-” is almost entirely hidden in the
conjugation of the verbs because it changes to a short “-i-” or
short “-u-” before the personal endings in the present tense.
Still it follows all the same rules as the other verbs when
deriving its different forms. Both the i-stem and non i-stem
third conjugation verbs have the stem vowel short “-e-” — that’s
why they’re both third conjugation verbs. But the “i-stem” third
conjugation verbs insert an extra “-i-” in some places in their
conjugation. These places are really quite easy to remember, if
you know fourth conjugation verbs: a third conjugation “i-stem”
verb inserts an extra “i” everywhere a fourth conjugation verb
has an “-i-“. In fact, you might want to think of a third
conjugation “i-stem” verb as a failed fourth conjugation verb —
as a verb which “wants” to be fourth. Here’s the dictionary
entry form many 3rd conjugation i-stem verbs. Notice the extra
“-i-” in the first entry, and the short “-e-” of the infinitive
in the second:

capio, -ere
rapio, -ere
cupio, -ere
facio, -ere
fugio, -ere

Let’s have a closer look at all this. Write out the present
tense of the following verbs. Remember, a third i-stem verb has
an extra “-i-” every where there’s an “-i-” in the fourth
conjugation.

THIRD (non i-stem) FOURTH THIRD i-STEM

mitto, -ere venio, -ire capio, -ere

1st _______________ _______________ _______________

2nd _______________ _______________ _______________

3rd _______________ _______________ _______________

1st _______________ _______________ _______________

2nd _______________ _______________ _______________

3rd _______________ _______________ _______________

As you can see, the fourth and third i-stem verbs look identical.
But there is a difference. Go back and put in the long marks
over the stem vowel long “-i-” of “venio”. The “-i-” is long in
the second person singular and plural, and in the first person
plural. Now compare the forms of “venio” with those of “capio”
— you can see the differences. The “-i-” of a fourth
conjugation verb is long by nature and “wants” to stay long
wherever it can. The stem vowel of a third conjugation verb is
short “-e-” which turns into short “-i-” or “-u-“. But it will
never become long “-i-” regardless of what ending is added to it.
Now, the difference between a short and long vowel may seem
rather subtle to us, but look again. In Latin pronunciation, the
accent of a word falls on to the second to the last syllable if
the vowel in the syllable is long. If it is short, then the
accent goes back to the third to the last syllable. So, what’s
the difference in the way these forms would have been pronounced?

capmus is pronounced CAH peh muhs
audimus is pronounced owh DEE muhs
Similarly
captis is pronounced CAH peh tis
auditis is pronounced owh DEE tis

So the difference for a Roman between these verbs in some the
forms would have been quite striking.

What about the future tense of the third conjugation i-stem
verbs? They look just like the fourth conjugation verbs: stem(i)
+ “a/e” + personal endings.

THIRD (non i-stem) FOURTH THIRD i-STEM

mitto, -ere venio, -ire capio, -ere

1st _______________ _______________ _______________

2nd _______________ _______________ _______________

3rd _______________ _______________ _______________

1st _______________ _______________ _______________

2nd _______________ _______________ _______________

3rd _______________ _______________ _______________

Now let’s consider the imperative mood. In this case, there
is no difference at all between the third i-stem verbs and the
third non i-stems. And why should there be? They both have the
same stem vowel: short “-e-“.

THIRD (non i-stem) FOURTH THIRD i-STEM

mitto, -ere venio, -ire capio, -ere

SINGULAR __________ __________ __________

PLURAL __________ __________ __________

VOCABULARY PUZZLES

You must be more alert now when you’re looking in the dictionary
for a form. The third i-stem verbs and fourth conjugation verbs
look the same in the first person singular. You mustn’t decide
— even unconsciously — which conjugation a verb is before
you’ve checked with the second entry. The second entry, as you
know, tells you the stem vowel — and the stem vowel tells you
the conjugation. Pay attention.

-ficio, -cipio The short “-a-” of the verbs “facio” and
“capio” change (or “grade”) to short “-i-” in
compound forms of the verb — i.e., when a
prefix is attached. It will save you a lot
of time if you learn to recognize the root
“facio” in the verbs “perficio”, “conficio”,
“interficio”, etc. instead of having to treat
every derived form as an entirely new
vocabulary item.

01/05/93

CHAPTER 11

“Personal Pronouns Ego and Tu; Pronouns Is
and Idem”

THE ENGLISH PERSONAL PRONOUNS

You know what a pronoun is. It’s a word which takes the place of
a noun in a sentence. The word it’s replacing is called the
antecedent. So we can ask, “What is the antecedent of this
pronoun”, whenever we see a pronoun in a sentence. That is, we
are asking, “To what noun is this pronoun pointing?” Read the
following paragraph and pick out the pronouns; ask yourself what
the antecedent is for each pronoun.

“George asked Larry to go pick up the apple. He wanted
an apple so he told him to get it. But Larry couldn’t
find it, so he couldn’t give it to him. Larry told
him, ‘If I had found it, I would have given it to you,
but I couldn’t find it.’ He turned to Sue sitting
nearby and said to her, ‘He’s a failure. Can you find
it for me?’ Sue said she didn’t know where it was
either. ‘I guess you’re just out of luck”, she told
him”.

Alright, that’s enough of that. You see how useful these
pronouns are. If it weren’t for pronouns, you’d have to repeat
every noun and every name each time you wanted to refer to them,
no matter how obvious the reference was. If you don’t believe
me, try reading the paragraph again substituting the antecedent
for each of the pronouns. Pronouns are useful, and in this
paragraph you saw all kinds of pronouns in all kinds of shapes
and varieties, referring to different antecedents and performing
different grammatical task in their sentences. This variety in
form is not merely random. The differences among “he, she, it”,
among “his, her, its”, and “him, her, it” are critical; they tell
you (1) what the likely antecedent is, and (2) how the pronoun is
being used in the sentence of which it’s a part.

If the speaker is referring to him/herself, or to a group of
people of which he/she considers himself to be a part, in a
sentence, he/she uses the first person pronoun. In English, the
first person pronoun has three forms to indicate different cases
(grammatical function).

Case Singular Plural

Nominative I we
Possessive my our
Objective me us

If the speaker is referring to the person or people to whom
he/she is directly talking, he/she uses the second person
pronoun. (Notice that the cases are not so clearly visible in
the morphology of this pronoun; notice also that English makes no
distinction between second person pronoun in the singular and
plural.)

Case Singular Plural

Nominative you you
Possessive your your
Objective you you

Now take a close look at these pronouns. What don’t they tell
you about their antecedents? You can see the difference in
number in the first person pronoun, but you can’t in the second.
What else don’t you know about the antecedents? Do you know
their genders? Do you know simply by looking at the form of,
say, “me” whether the person referred to is male, female, or
neuter? No. In English (as well as in Latin), the first and
second pronouns make no distinction in the forms among the
possible genders of their antecedents. Think about this for a
moment. Why should the languages have evolved this way? Why is
it not important for a speaker to be able to indicate differences
in gender in he first and second persons? Try to figure it out.
Well, let’s take a step backwards for a moment: what is the first
person? It’s the speaker or speakers of the sentence, right?
And what is the second person? It’s the person or people whom
the speaker(s) is (are) directly addressing. So should it be
necessary for someone who’s speaking to indicate his or her own
gender to the listener(s)? Look, I surely know what gender I am,
so there’s no reason to indicate in the grammar of my sentence
what gender I am. Furthermore, the psychology of language is
such that there is an assumed (or real) audience to whom I am
directing my thoughts. There is always an implied second person
in everything written. So, if I’m standing directly in front of
you, talking to you, you should have no doubt about my gender,
because you can see me. Therefore it would be superfluous for me
to add special gender markings to my first person pronouns to
tell you what gender I am. That is plainly visible. For this
reason, then, the first person pronouns make no distinctions
among the genders of their antecedents.

Can you guess now why the second person makes no
distinctions among the genders, either? Right, because if I (the
first person) am directly addressing you (the second person),
then I should be able to tell your gender too. You know my
gender, and I know your gender, because we’re standing in front
of each other. As the first person in our conversation, I don’t
need to remind you, my audience, of your own gender, do I?

Now let’s look at the first and second pronouns in Latin.
They’ll make distinctions in number. And, to be useful in Latin,
they’ll have to decline through all the cases just like Latin
nouns. Here they are:

1st Person 2nd Person

N/V. ego tu
[Gen. mei tui]
Dat. mihi tibi
Acc. me te
Abl. me te

N/V. nos vos
[Gen. nostrum/nostri vestrum/vestri]
Dat. nobis vobis
Acc. nos vos
Abl. nobis vobis

Look at the following examples. You’ll see how useful these
pronouns are.

1. Mittam ad vos filium meum. (I will send my son to you.)
2. Ego scribo has litteras. (I write this letter.)
3. Ego vos video, atque vos me videtis. (I see you, and
you see me.)
4. Cum vobis in terram illam veniam. (I will come into
that land with you.)
5. Cum te in terram illam veniam. (I will come into that
land with you.)

THE “WEAK” DEMONSTRATIVE ADJECTIVE IS, EA, ID

So what about the third person pronouns? Here there’s a problem,
one which plagued, and continues to plague, the Romance languages
derived from Latin. First off, the third person pronoun is going
to have to tell you more about their antecedents than the first
and second person pronouns did. If I (the first person) am
talking to you (the second person) directly, I certainly know
what gender you are. But if I am talking to you about something
else (which is the third person) or if I am talking to you about
several things, it would be nice if I could refer the gender of
these topics of conversations. Look at the following passage.

“I’ve got to tell you a story. Yesterday I saw Betty and
Steve. He asked her for an apple. She told him that she
didn’t have any. When he asked her again, she told him to
go buy his own apples”.

Let’s look at this little narrative more closely. The first
“He” — how do you know that it’s referring to Steve and not to
Betty. That’s easy; it’s because “he” is masculine and not
feminine. If the antecedent had been Betty, then you would have
had “She” in place of “He”. Another thing “He” tells you about
the antecedent is that the antecedent is singular. If the
antecedent had been plural, then “He” would have been “They”.
Right? One last thing. Look at the antecedent for “He”. What
case is it in? It’s in the objective (or accusative) case
because it’s the direct object of the verb “saw”. Now look at
the pronoun “He”. What case is it in? It’s in the nominative
case. Why? Because in its sentence it’s the subject of the verb
“asked”. Now look at the pronoun “his” in the last line. What
case is it in? This time the pronoun is in the possessive (or
genitive) case, again because the grammar of the sentence it’s in
requires it to be in the genitive case. Even though all the
pronouns are pointing to the same antecedent, they are all in
different cases in their own sentences. Here is a rule you must
remember:

“A pronoun gets its number and gender from its
antecedent, but it gets its case from the way it’s
being used grammatically in its own sentence”.

Remember that; you’ll need it very soon. Now let’s get on
with the Latin third person pronoun. Here’s what the Latin third
person pronoun must do: it must be able to show the number and
gender of its antecedent, and it must be able to inflect through
the entire case system.

Let’s look once more at the English third person pronoun, so
that you can see how unbelievably flaccid and corrupted it is in
comparison to the majestic power of the Latin 3rd person pronoun.

Singular

Masculine Feminine Neuter

Nom. he she it
Gen. his her its
Acc. him her it

Plural

Masculine-Feminine-Neuter

Nom. they
Gen. their
Acc. them

As you can see the English third person pronoun is so feeble it’s
hardly worth learning. In the singular, some of the case forms
are identical, and in the plural it makes no distinction among
the genders: “They” can refer to a group of men, women, or rocks.
So it’s not very useful.

But look at the Latin third person pronoun. The third
person pronoun starts its life as a weak demonstrative adjective.
It means something like “the” and it agrees with the noun to
which it’s attached: “the book”. Then, like the other
demonstratives you’ve seen — “ille”, “hic”, and “iste” — it can
be used independently as a pronoun. Let’s see how it works.

First the morphology. The stem is “e-” and basically it’s
declined just like the other demonstratives you’ve seen before.
You remember the heteroclite declension which has the irregular
“-ius”, and “-i” for the genitive and dative singulars? The
nominative singular of the third person demonstrative is a little
odd, and the genitive and dative singular use these alternative
endings Try to fill in the declension. Don’t forget, now, the
stem of the demonstrative is “e-” to which the case endings are
going to be added. Except for the genitive and dative singular,
it will use the standard first and second declension endings
which all standard adjectives use.

MASCULINE FEMININE NEUTER

N/V. is ea id

Gen. _____________ _____________
_____________

Dat. _____________ _____________
_____________

Acc. _____________ _____________
_____________

Abl. _____________ _____________
_____________

N/V. ii, or ei _____________
_____________

Gen. _____________ _____________
_____________

Dat. _____________ _____________
_____________

Acc. _____________ _____________
_____________

Abl. _____________ _____________
_____________

First let’s see how the weak demonstrative “is, ea, id”
works as an adjective. Don’t forget that as with the
demonstratives “ille”, “hic”, and “iste”, “is” can be used both
as an adjective and as a pronoun. When used as a demonstrative
adjective, “is” has about the same force as our article “the”,
although as you’ll see Latin doesn’t use “is, ea, id” in some
places where we would use our “the”. Briefly, we may say this:
Latin uses “is, ea, id” as a demonstrative adjective to give a
little emphasis to something which has already been talked about.
Like this:

“I have a book”.
“Well, then, give me the book”.
“The book is on the table”.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll get the book myself”.

The underscored “the’s” are candidates for the Latin “is, ea,
id”, because the book the two are talking about has already been
identified, and the speakers are calling just a little attention
to it. Can you see also how “is, ea, id” differs from the strong
demonstrative adjectives “ille” and “hic?” Can you feel the
difference between saying “Give me the book” and “Give me that
book” or “Give me this book?” In English we have a weak “this”
that corresponds nicely to the Latin “is, ea, id” used as an
adjective. We can say for example “I like this book”, without
placing much emphasis on the “this”. That is, we’re not saying
“I like this book [and not that one over there]”.

Here are some examples of “is, ea, id” used as weak
demonstrative adjectives. Of course, without a context it may be
a little difficult to see precisely the shades of feeling, but at
least you can see the grammar involved.

1. Eos libros vobis dabimus. (We will give the [or these]
books to you.)
2. Eas litteras ad me mittet. (He will send the [or this]
letter to me.)
3. Ei libri sunt boni. (The [or these] books are good.)
4. Animi earum feminarum valent. (The courage of the [or
of these] women is strong.)
5. Nulla civitas ea bella tolerare poterat. (No city was
able to endure the [or these] wars.)

Now translate these into Latin, using “is, ea id” for “the”.

1. They will send you the [this] money.

_________________________________________________________________

2. I will give you the money of the [these] men.

_________________________________________________________________

3. The [these] boys are not thinking.

_________________________________________________________________

4. I will come with the [this] tyrant.

_________________________________________________________________

5. That man will discover the [this] plot.

_________________________________________________________________

IS, EA, ID AS PRONOUN

Now, how does a mild-mannered weak demonstrative adjective become
the redoubtable third person pronoun, the glory of the Latin
language? Let’s think back. Remember the demonstrative
adjectives “ille”, “hic”, and “iste?” You remember that they can
be used as adjectives, to add emphasis to the noun they’re
modifying.

“Ille liber est bonus.” (That book is good.)
“Hic vir est malus.” (This man is evil.)
“Cicero videt istas insidias.”
(Cicero see this plot.)
“Possum superare vitia illa.” (I can overcome those faults.)
“Habeo pecuniam illarum feminarum.” (I have the money of those
women.)

That’s all fine and good. But you also remember that the
demonstrative adjective can be used, just like all other
adjectives, without a noun explicitly stated, but only implied.
In order to supply the correct noun, you must do two things: (1)
you must examine the form of the demonstrative, and (2) you must
examine the context. Watch:

“Illae feminae sunt ibi, sed illas videre non possum”.

How do you translate the “illas?” Well, “illas” is feminine,
accusative plural, right? It’s in the accusative because it’s
the direct object of the verb “videre”. But why is it feminine
and plural? Because the noun which has been left out — that is,
the things to which “illas” is referring — is feminine and
plural. And what is that? Look at the context. “Feminae” is
feminine and plural.

“Those women are there, but I can’t see those women” (or,
more idiomatically in English, “but I can’t see them”).

When the demonstratives are used without a noun, they are taking
the place of a noun. And words which take the place of a noun
are called pronouns. Hence the metamorphosis from demonstrative
adjective to demonstrative pronoun is complete.

Now let’s take a look at the weak demonstrative adjective
“is, ea, id”. It will undergo the same process from adjective to
pronoun. Because there is only a weak demonstrative force
attached to “is, ea, id”, we can translate it into English simply
as our third person pronoun: “he”, “she”, “it”, etc.

“Videstisne meos amicos?”
“Video eos”.

“Do you see my friends?”
“I see them”.

All you have to do when you see the weak demonstrative adjective
in a sentence without a noun is to treat it just like third
person pronoun: check the antecedent and find the appropriate
English equivalent. Read these sentences (go very, very slowly
and be reasonable):

“Cicero amat Romam, et in ea beatam vitam agit. Atque ego
civitatem eius amo. Toti amici eius sunt Romani. Vitae
eorum sunt beatae. Et eas magna cum sapientia agunt. Ei
igitur sunt beati. Cicero eos amat, et ei eum amant. Olim
civitas eorum in periculis magnis erat, sed ea superare
poterat, quoniam viros multos bonorum morum invenire
poterat”.

(Cicero loves Rome, and he is leading a happy life in it. I
also love his city. All his friends are Romans. Their
lives are happy, and they are leading them [they are leading
their lives] with great wisdom. They are therefore happy.
Cicero loves them, and they love him. Formerly their city
was in great danger, but it was able to overcome them [the
dangers], since it was able to find many men of good
character.)

THE DEMONSTRATIVE idem, eadem, idem

This is simple. Latin adds an undeclinable suffix to the end of
the inflected forms of the demonstrative “is, ea, id” and comes
out with “the same”. Like the demonstrative “is, ea, id”, the
resulting form can be used either an adjective — “eadem femina”
(the same woman), or as a full-blown pronoun — “video easdem” (I
see the same (feminine) things). Remember, the syntactically
important information comes before the “dem” suffix: “eisdem”,
“eaedem”, etc.

The addition of the suffix cause some distortion of the
spelling of “is, ea, id”. First, in the nominative singular
masculine, the “s” of “is” collides with the “d” of “-dem” and
disappears, but the “i” of “is” becomes long as a result. In the
nominative singular neuter instead of “iddem” we get “idem”. No
big surprise here. Finally, and this isn’t much of a surprise
either, wherever the case ending of “is, ea, id” ends in an “m”,
the addition of “dem” changes the “m” to an “n”. Decline “idem,
eadem,

Shuttle Landing Operations

“6_2_4_5_2.TXT” (4238 bytes) was created on 01-02-89

SHUTTLE LANDING OPERATIONS

When a mission’s planned in-orbit operations have been accomplished,
the emphasis on board the orbiter turns to the task of preparing the
vehicle for its return to Earth. Usually, the last full day in orbit
is devoted primarily to stowing equipment, cleaning up the living
areas and making final systems configurations which will facilitate
post-landing processing.

The crew schedule, or timeline, is designed such that crew members
are awake and into their “work day” 6 to 8 hours before landing. At
about 4 hours before deorbit maneuvers are scheduled, the crew and
flight controllers have finished with the Crew Activity Plan for that
mission. They now work from the mission’s Deorbit Prep handbook,
which covers the major deorbit events leading up to touchdown. Major
events include the “go” from MCC to close the payload bay doors, and
the final OK to perform the deorbit burn which will bring the orbiter
back to Earth.

However, before the deorbit burn is performed, the orbiter is turned
to a tail-first attitude. (That is, the aft end of the orbiter faces
the direction of travel.) At a predesignated time, the OMS engines
are fired to slow the orbiter down and to permit deorbit. The RCS
thrusters are then used to turn the orbiter back into a nose-first
attitude. These thrusters are used during much of the reentry pitch,
roll and yaw maneuvering until the orbiter’s aerodynamic,
aircraft-like control surfaces encounter enough atmospheric drag to
control the landing. This is called Entry Interface (EI) and usually
occurs 30 minutes before touchdown at about 400,000 ft. At this
time, a communications blackout occurs as the orbiter is enveloped in
a sheath of plasma caused by electromagnetic forces generated from
the high heat experienced during entry into the atmosphere.

As the orbiter glides toward a landing, initially at a velocity of
25,000 feet per second at the EI point, its velocity is gradually
slowed by a series of banks and roll reversals. As the atmospheric
density increases, the forward RCS thrusters are turned off, while
the aft RCS jets continue to maneuver the orbiter until a dynamic
pressure of 10 lb. per square foot is sensed by instruments on board.
At this point, the ailerons on orbiter’s delta-shaped wings begin to
operate and the aft RCS roll thrusters are stopped.

When the dynamic pressure reaches 20 lb. per square foot, the
orbiter’s wing elevators become operational and the RCS pitch
thrusters are stopped. A speed brake on the vertical tail opens when
the orbiter’s velocity falls below Mach 10. Then, at Mach 3.5, the
rudder is activated and the final RCS burns — the yaw jets — are
stopped. The orbiter is now at an altitude of 45,000 ft., and is
beginning what are called “area energy management maneuvers” which
enable it to intercept the landing approach corridor at the desired
altitude and velocity.

As it nears the landing site, the orbiter is steered into the
nearest of two heading alignment circles called HACs. Each has a
radius of 18,000 ft. The orbiter is now in subsonic flight, at
49,000 ft., and about 22 mile from its touchdown point.

In the future, final approach and landing will be controlled at this
point the commander takes over control of the orbiter for final
approach and landing maneuvers by the Microwave Scanning Beam Landing
System (MSBLS) — called autoland — which will take over control 2
minutes before touchdown while the orbiter is at an altitude of
15,489 ft., 9.8 mile from the runway touchdown point, traveling at a
speed of 410 mph. This phase of the flight will be completely
automatic and the crew’s main task will be to monitor the MSBLS.

The initial orbiter landing approach is at a glide slope of 19
degrees. This is six times steeper than the 3-degree glide slope of
a typical commercial jet airliner as it approaches landing.

Just before the orbiter touches down, flare or pull-up maneuvers are
required to bring it into its final landing glide slope of l.5
degrees. At touchdown — nominally about 2,500 ft. beyond the runway
threshold — the orbiter is traveling at a speed ranging from 213 to
226 mph.

“6_2_4_5_3.TXT” (7930 bytes) was created on 01-02-89

POST-LANDING OPERATIONS

Once the orbiter has rolled to a stop on the runway, post-landing
activities get underway involving the Orbiter Recovery Convoy.
Mission responsibility has shifted from the Johnson Space Center back
to the Kennedy Space Center.

Recovery Convoy. The Orbiter Recovery Convoy consists of a number
of specially-designed vehicles and a team of specialists who safe and
service the orbiter and assist in crew egress. Included in the
convoy are ll special vehicles and units. A brief description of
these follows.

Scape Trailer . Self-Contained Atmospheric Protection Ensemble
(SCAPE), vehicle, parked at a midfield location during landing,
contains the equipment necessary to support recovery including
recovery crew SCAPE suits, liquid air packs, and a crew who assist
recovery personnel in suiting-up in protective clothing.

Vapor Dispersal Unit. The Vapor Dispersal Unit is a mobile
wind-making machine able to produce a directed wind stream of up to
45 mph. It is an adaptation of a standard 14-ft. agricultural wind
machine designed to protect fragile agricultural crops from frost
damage or freezing. It is used by the recovery team to blow away
toxic or explosive gases that may occur in or around the orbiter
after landing. The fan can move 200,000 square feet of air a minute.

Coolant Umbilical Access. This apparatus is a stair and platform
unit mounted on a truck bed which permits access to the aft port side
of the orbiter where ground support crews attach coolant lines from
the Orbiter Coolant Transporter.

Orbiter Coolant Transporters. This unit is a tractor-trailer
carrying a refrigeration unit that provides Freon ll4 through the
orbiter’s T-O umbilical into its cooling system.

Purge Umbilical Access Vehicle. This vehicle is similar to the
Coolant Umbilical Access Vehicle in that it has an access stairway
and platform allowing crews to attach purge air lines to the orbiter
on its aft starboard side.

Orbiter Purge Transporter. This vehicle is a tractor-trailer which
carries an air conditioning unit powered by two 300 KW, 60 Hz
electric generators. The unit blows cool or dehumidified air into
the payload bay to remove possible residual explosive or toxic gases.

Cres Hatch Access Vehicle. The Crew Hatch Access Vehicle consists
of a stairway and platform on which is located a white room equipped
with special orbiter interface seals. It contains pressurized
filtered air to keep toxic or explosive gases, airborne dust or other
contaminants from getting into the orbiter during crew egress.

Astronaut Transporter Van. As its name implies, this van is used to
transport the flight crew from the landing area. It is a modified
recreational vehicle in which the crew can remove their flight suits
and be examined by a physician while enroute.

Helium Tube Bank. This specialized vehicle is a trailer on which is
mounted a 12-tube bank container which provides helium to purge
hydrogen from the orbiter’s main engines and lines. The bank
contains 85,000 cubic feet of helium at 6,000 psi.

Orbiter Tow Vehicle. This unit is very much like the typical towing
units used for large aircraft. However, it is equipped with a
special towing bar designed specifically for the orbiter. It is used
to move the orbiter from the landing facility to the OPF. It also is
used for moving the orbiter from the OPF to the VAB.

Mobile Ground Power Unit. The final special vehicle for orbiter
post-landing operations is the Mobile Ground Power Unit which
provides power to the orbiter if the fuel cells have to be shut down.
It can deliver a nominal load of 10 of direct power to the orbiter.

Augmenting these special orbiter recovery convoy vehicles are various
conventional command and emergency vehicles.

Recovery Convoy Operations. The main job of the recovery convoy is
to service the orbiter, prepare it for towing, assist the crew in
leaving the orbiter and finally to tow it to servicing facilities.

Even before the Shuttle is launched, the recovery convoy begins its
post-landing preparations by warming up coolant and purge equipment,
readying ground service equipment and carrying out extensive
communications checks.

During the Shuttle flight, the recovery convoy is on call in the
event an earlier than planned landing is necessary.

Major activity begins at about 2 hours before the orbiter is
scheduled to land. At this time chilldown of the purge and coolant
units begins. About 1 hour, 40 minutes before landing, the recovery
crew puts on their SCAPE suits and makes final communications checks.
At 5 minutes before touchdown, the recovery convoy is ready to go to
work.

After landing, the first staging position of the convoy is 200 ft.
up wind from the orbiter. The safety assessment team in the SCAPE
van moves to about 100 ft. of the port side of the orbiter. A
SCAPE-dressed crew then moves to the rear of the orbiter using a high
range flammability vapor detector to obtain vapor level readings and
to test for possible explosive hazards and toxic gases. Two readings
from three different locations are made to determine concentrations
of hydrogen, monomethyl hydrazine, and hydrazine and ammonia. If
they find that high levels of gases are present, and if wind
conditions are calm, the Vapor Dispersal Unit — the mobile wind
machine — moves into place and blows away the potentially dangerous
gases.

Meanwhile, the Purge and Coolant Umbilical Access Vehicles are moved
behind the orbiter and the safety assessment team continues to
determine whether hazardous gases are present in the area. Once the
umbilical access vehicles are in position, and as soon as it is
possible to connect up to the liquid hydrogen T-O umbilical on the
orbiter, the ground half of the on board hydrogen detection sample
lines are connected to determine the hydrogen concentration. If the
concentration is less than 4 percent, convoy operations continue.
However, if it should be greater than 4 percent, an emergency power
down of the orbiter is ordered. The flight crew is evacuated from
the orbiter immediately and the convoy personnel clear the area and
wait for the hydrogen to disperse.

If the hydrogen level is below 4 percent, the carrier plate for the
starboard liquid oxygen T-O umbilical is attached to permit insertion
of purge air ducts. After the carrier plates have been installed,
the Freon line and purge duct connections are completed and the flow
of coolant and purge air through the umbilical lines begins.

Purge air provides cool and humidified air conditioning to the
payload bay and other cavities thereby removing any residual
explosive or toxic fumes.

When it is determined that the area around and in the orbiter is
safe, non-SCAPE suit operations begin. First, in the forward orbiter
area, the priority is to assist the flight crew off the orbiter.

The Crew Hatch Access Vehicle moves to the hatch side of the
orbiter. When the access white room is secured, the orbiter hatch is
opened and a physician boards the orbiter to make a brief preliminary
medical examination of the crew. The crew then leaves the orbiter
and departs in the Astronaut Transporter Van.

The flight crew is replaced on board the orbiter by an exchange crew
who make preparations for ground towing operations, installing switch
guards and removing data packages from onboard experiments, if
required.

Meanwhile, after allowing for a 30-minute orbiter tire cool down,
the Tow Vehicle crew installs the landing gear lock pins, and
disconnects the nose landing gear drag link. The Tow Vehicle is
positioned in front of the orbiter and the tow bar connection is
made. Finally, about two hours after landing the orbiter is towed
off the runway.

“6_2_4_5_4.TXT” (4554 bytes) was created on 01-02-89

SOLID ROCKET BOOSTER RETRIEVAL OPERATIONS

After the Space Shuttle is launched, the Solid Rocket Boosters (SRB)
are jettisoned at 2 minutes, 7 seconds into the flight. They are
retrieved from the Atlantic Ocean by special recovery vessels and
returned for refurbishment and eventual reuse on future Shuttle
flights.

SRB separation occurs at an altitude of about 30 miles The
separated boosters then coast up to an altitude of 47 miles and
free-fall into an impact zone in the ocean about 158 miles downrange.
The so-called splash “footprint” is in an area about 7 miles wide
and about 10 miles long.

When a free-falling booster reaches an altitude of about 3 miles its
nose cap is jettisoned and the SRB pilot parachute pops open. The
pilot parachute then pulls out the 54-ft. diameter, l,100-lb. drogue
parachute. The drogue parachute stabilizes and slows down the
descent to the ocean.

At an altitude of 6,240 ft., the frustum, a truncated cone at the
top of the SRB where it joins the nose cap, is separated from the
forward skirt, causing the three main parachutes to pop out. These
parachutes are 115 ft. in diameter and have a dry weight of about
l,500 lb. each. When wet with sea water they weight about 3,000 lb.

At 6 minute and 44 seconds after liftoff, the spent SRBs, weighing
about 165,000 lb., have slowed their descent speed to about 62 mph
and splashdown takes place in the predetermined area.

The parachutes remain attached to the boosters until they are
detached by recovery personnel.

Waiting near the impact area are two 176-ft.-long,
specially-designed SRB recovery vessels. Their first job is to
recover the main SRB parachutes. Each vessel is equipped with four 5
ft. 6 in. -diameter reels which wind the parachute winch lines onto
the reel similar to the way line is wound onto a fishing reel.

The frustum-drogue parachute also is reeled in until the 5,000-lb.
frustum is about 100 ft. from the recovery ship. The drogue
parachute lines are then reeled in until the frustum can be lifted
out of the ocean by a 10-ton-capacity crane.

Next, the empty SRB casings are recovered using a special device
called the Diver Operated Plug (DOP). This procedure calls for a
team of underwater divers to descend to a depth of about 110 ft. and
place the DOP into the nozzle of the casing. A 2,000-ft.-long air
line attached to the DOP is plugged into an air compressor on the
recovery vessel. Air is pumped into the booster at 120 psi to empty
water from the casing — a procedure called “dewatering.”

Under ideal weather and sea conditions, the retrieval operation
takes about 5 and 1/2 hours. The recovery ships with the retrieved
SRBs in tow, sail to Port Canaveral, travel north up the Banana River
and dock near Hangar AF at the Cape Canaveral Air Force Station,
their mission completed.

SRB Disassembly Operations. The retrieval ships take the SRBs to a
dock at the Solid Rocket Booster Disassembly Facility (SRBDF) located
at Hangar AF — a building originally used for Project Mercury, the
first U.S. manned space program.

The SRBs are unloaded onto a hoisting slip and mobile gantry cranes
lift them onto tracked dollies where they are safed and undergo their
first washing.

The casings are then taken to the SRBDF for disassembly into their
four main segments: two aft skirt and two forward skirt assemblies.
The main casing segments undergo further cleaning, after which they
are placed on railroad cars and shipped to the manufacturing plant in
Utah where they undergo final refurbishment and are again loaded with
propellant.

Meanwhile, the nose cone frustums and parachutes are processed at
the Parachute Refurbishment Facility in the KSC Industrial Area.

Parachute Refurbishment . The SRB Parachute Refurbishment Facility
(PRF) was originally built to process the parachutes used in the
Gemini manned space program and was modified for the Shuttle program.

The SRB parachutes are taken to the PRF for refurbishment on the
reels from the recovery vessels. The PRF also receives and stores
new parachutes and hardware for the SRBs.

Specific procedures for refurbishment of the SRB parachutes include
untangling the lines, and hanging them on an overhead monorail and
automatically washing and drying them. When this is completed, and
final inspections are conducted, the parachutes are folded on
64-ft.-long tables and stored in canisters for eventual reuse.

The Rules For Korean Chess

The Rules for Korean Chess
by Roleigh Martin
Copyright 1995
All Rights Reserved
2-16-95

INTRO: TO THE READER

My wife is Chinese and after playing Chinese Chess and falling in
love with the game, I learned about Korean Chess which is
virtually identical in board and piece lay-out but different in
move-rules. There is very little English literature on Korean
Chess–I’ve found 2 chapters in English on the game. If anyone
reading this can verify–or correct me if not–if I have the
complete rules to Korean Chess. Please reply if I have made any
mistakes or if you know that my rules are correct and complete.

I also wish to find out if there is any other software: public
domain, freeware, shareware, or commercial ware on Korean Chess
for MS-DOS computers. I know about JANGKI.ZIP. Can you please
inform me of any such software and how I may obtain it (BBS phone
numbers, FTP site names/directory/filename, or ordering address)?
Thanks!

Last, is there any internet mailing list groups on Korean Chess?
Is there any English language books or magazines on Korean Chess?
Thanks again!

DISTRIBUTION POLICY

This document is copyrighted. It can be distributed
electronically for non-commercial use as long as nothing is
altered in this document. I am working on a book on Chinese and
Korean Chess and intend to build upon this document for the
chapter on Korean Chess.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks to Young Won, Compuserve ID 75541,2100 for his FLEFO forum
message who confirmed this document with his message “It has been
10 years since I have played my last Korean Chess game. I
briefly read the rules you posted (not line-by-line, though), and
they seem to be in line with what I remember.” In addition, he
provided the Korean names and meanings of each piece which I’ve
incorporated in this updated version of this document.

Thanks to J. Kim of HANAnet Operating Center (KTRC) (Internet
address: jskim1@soback.hana.nm.kr) who pointed me to a public
domain Korean Chess game, JANGKI.ZIP (Jang-gi V1.0, 1991.1.26) by
Hak Jong Lee of Daejon, Korea, from kids.kotel.co.kr. There is a
tiny README file but no copyright or distribution restrictions
documented with the ZIP file–hence by inference it is in the
public domain. (My FTP program could not access this using this
hostname, but J. Kim informed me correctly of it’s IP address:
128.134.2.51.) This file is in the directory, /pub/games. I got
this feedback via the USENET group, soc.culture.korean.

JANGKI is a great DOS-based Korean Chess game. It supports CGA
through VGA and works on a HP100/200 palmtop (but not under HP’s
System Manager; one must terminate that program and at the DOS
level, play the game). To run the program, at the DOS prompt,
move to the directory where you have installed these files and
type: JT and press ENTER.

This program (JT.EXE) is quite nice as it allows human to play
human or against the computer.

BACKGROUND COMMENTARY & RESOURCE

Korean Chess can be played with a Chinese Chess Set — same
pieces and board — but different rules. Actually quite fun!
Very few Chinese people know this game — if you find yourself
loosing to Chinese friends in Chinese Chess, play them a game of
Korean Chess — you might win!

The below resource is still in print and has an entire chapter on
Korean Chess — with rules, commentary and a sample game, on
Korean Chess.

The shipping and handling fee is $3.00. Send check for $12.95
(if you live in the USA) and order to Mail Order Department,
Dover Publications, 180 Varick Street, New York, NY 10014.

TITLE: Korean Games: With Notes on the Corresponding
Games of China & Japan
AUTHOR: Culin, Stewart
SERIES: Puzzles Ser.
PUBLISHER: Dover PUBLICATION DATE: 02/1991 (910201)
EDITION: Repr. of 1895 ed. NO. OF PAGES: 256p.
LCCN: N/A
BINDING: pap. – $9.95
ISBN: 0-486-26593-5
VOLUME(S): N/A
ORDER NO.: N/A
IMPRINT: N/A
STATUS IN FILE: New (91-04)
NOTE(S): Illustrated
SUBFILE: PB (Paperbound Books in Print)

The below resource is out of print and also has an entire chapter
on Korean Chess — with rules, commentary and a sample game, on
Korean Chess.

TITLE: Chess Variations: Ancient, Regional & Modern
AUTHOR: Gollon, John E.
PUBLISHER: C E Tuttle PUBLICATION DATE: 1973 (730101)
BINDING: pap. – $6.25
ISBN: 0-8048-1122-9
STATUS: Out of print (11-90)

Your library should be able to get the above through interlibrary
loan. Also, I have been suggested to try (but did not, as the
library succeeded): Howard Frisch, New and Antiguarian Books, Box
128, Village Station, New York City, NY 10014. The library
actually got me the hard cover book, which was published in 1968.
Instead of an ISBN number, it had only a Library of Congress
Catalog Card Number, No. 68-11975.

NAMING CONVENTION

Korean Chess derives, historically, from Chinese Chess. Since
the pieces in Chinese Chess have been given official English
names by the international Chinese Chess Association, I will use
the same English names for the Korean Chess pieces.

BOARD LAYOUT

The pieces are placed on the board gridlines not inside the
squares as in Western Chess. The board has 9 columns (also
called files or aisles) and 10 rows. The 9 columns are labeled
A-I. The 10 rows are labeled 0-9.

Left to right on the rear row, the pieces are called:

Rook, Knight, Bishop, Guard, [empty], Guard, Bishop, Knight, Rook
(r) (n) (b) (g) (g) (b) (n) (r)

Note: the Knight and Bishop can, as a setup option (not a move),
be transposed on either or both sides or neither side. (The game
JANGKI calls this a Pozin change and the default setup shown is
to have the bottom side’s righthand Bishop and Knight transposed
and the top side’s lefthand Bishop and Knight transposed.)

The second row only initially holds the king, abbreviated as (k),
in the center of the row.

The third row only initially holds the two cannons, abbreviated
as (c), each cannon being in the 2nd column from the edge.

The fourth row only initially holds the five pawns, abbreviated
as (p), starting with a pawn on each edge column and then every
OTHER column.

The initial board looks like the below (remember the knight and
bishop can be transposed as a setup option). If you transpose
the knight and bishop to just one side of the lineup, then the
four pieces (your 2 knights and 2 bishops) can theoretically hit
every spot on the board (not each piece but together the 4 pieces
can “hit” every spot on the board granted enough moves are made).
This setup transposition option doesn’t count as a move.

In real life, the colors of the two pieces are either Black and
Red, Green and Red, or Blue and Red.

(FIG 1: Knight and Bishop are not transposed.)

9 [r][n][b][g]-+-[g][b][n][r]
. | | | | |/ | | | |
8 +–+–+–+-[k]-+–+–+–+ Note: the pieces are put
. | | | | /| | | | | down on the gridpoints of
7 +-[c]-+–+–+–+–+-[c]-+ board — not inside the
. | | | | | | | | | squares as in Western Chess.
6 [p]-+-[p]-+-[p]-+-[p]-+-[p]
. | | | | | | | | |
5 +–+–+–+–+–+–+–+–+
. | | | | | | | | |
4 +–+–+–+–+–+–+–+–+
. | | | | | | | | |
3 (P)-+-(P)-+-(P)-+-(P)-+-(P)
. | | | | | | | | |
2 +-(C)-+–+–+–+–+-(C)-+
. | | | | |/ | | | |
1 +–+–+–+-[K]-+–+–+–+
. | | | | /| | | | |
0 (R)(N)(B)(G)-+-(G)(B)(N)(R)
. A B C D E F G H I

(FIG 2: One Knight and Bishop are transposed — this is the
default setup shown in the JANGKI software version of Korean
Chess; one is allowed to change this setup, but this is the
default setup.)

9 [r][n][b][g]-+-[g][n][b][r]
. | | | | |/ | | | |
8 +–+–+–+-[k]-+–+–+–+
. | | | | /| | | | |
7 +-[c]-+–+–+–+–+-[c]-+
. | | | | | | | | |
6 [p]-+-[p]-+-[p]-+-[p]-+-[p]
. | | | | | | | | |
5 +–+–+–+–+–+–+–+–+ Note:
. | | | | | | | | | <-This row is the "river"
4 +–+–+–+–+–+–+–+–+ in Chinese Chess and on
. | | | | | | | | | a Chinese Chess board,
3 (P)-+-(P)-+-(P)-+-(P)-+-(P) the middle 7 vertical
. | | | | | | | | | lines of this single row
2 +-(C)-+–+–+–+–+-(C)-+ are not painted on a
. | | | | |/ | | | | Chinese Chess board.
1 +–+–+–+-[K]-+–+–+–+
. | | | | /| | | | |
0 (R)(N)(B)(G)-+-(G)(N)(B)(R)
. A B C D E F G H I

I do not know the answer to the inevitable question: "If your
opponent transposes the knight and bishop on his left side, do
you normally transpose your bishop and knight on your right side
or left side? (I know it is legal to do either, neither or both;
but I am asking this from a sound strategy basis.)" I assume one
would transpose on the same aisle as the opponent, as that is how
the software program, JANGKI defaults to doing–even though the
user has the choice to do otherwise.

On the board are two fortresses (also called castles) which is a
3×3 grid in the center of the 1st 3 rows of both sides, in which
the king and his two guards must remain–they can not leave the
fortress–however, as will be explained below, the king can
perform a check against the other king from within the fortress.
Inside the fortress, there are diagonal lines that form a big "X"
inside the fortress.

On a Chinese Chess Board, there is a river that "exists" in the
middle row of the board; it does not exist in Korean Chess. If
one plays Korean Chess with a Chinese Chess board, one ignores
the "river" of the Chinese Chess board. In both Korean and
Chinese Chess, one has to move a full step to move across the
center row, regardless of whether it's called a "river" or not
(as in Korean Chess). Bottom line: in Korean Chess and Chinese
Chess, there are 10 rows. In Chinese Chess, moving from the 5th
to the 6th row is "moving across the river" where the pawns gain
the power to move one step sideways–and where the Bishops can
not move across. In Korean Chess, the pawns can move sideways
one step immediately and the Bishops can move anywhere on the
board that is legal for a given move.

Actually, the real Korean Chess set uses 8-sided pieces not round
pieces as in Chinese Chess. Also not all the pieces are the same
diameter as they are in Chinese Chess. The red pieces are 100%
identical but the blue have four pieces that use brush/script
style Chinese calligraphy and the pieces are difficult to
translate — I had to ask a Korean shopper in the Korean Grocery
store that I found the set at to identify the blue pieces. (My
Chinese Chess friends recognize these four different charactered
Blue pieces.) The board doesn't have a blank (no vertical lines)
river across the middle of the board as in Chinese Chess —
that's because there is no promotion or barrier concept in Korean
Chess as there is in Chinese Chess. Again, you can play Korean
and/or Chinese Chess with either country's pieces/board. One
thing nice, the Korean Grocery store had the pieces for only $4
and a nice wooden board for only $10.

Each piece is inscribed with a corresponding Chinese character.
However, on the King pieces, "Han" is inscribed on the red team,
and "Cho" is described on the blue (or green) team. Han and Cho
are names of two dynasties (or kingdoms) that were at war with
each other. (Note: "Han" and "Cho" is not what you call the
individual King pieces — these names refer to the "team names"
–the actual King piece names are shown below.)

I do not know the OFFICIAL conventional English spellings of the
Korean names for these pieces. Below I redescribe these pieces
per their Chinese names as well as the Korean spellings I've been
given by one Korean Chess player who has not played in 10 years
(see Acknowledgement section above).

QUESTION TO ANY EXPERIENCED KOREAN CHESS PLAYER:
Can anyone in this group provide me with confirmation or
correction of the below Korean names as they are spelled out in
English? Thanks! In particular, are the Korean names for the
Red and Blue King correct or should they be transposed (if so,
the Korean Jang would be very close to the Pinyin Jiang).

CANTO-
COORDINATES COLOR ENGLISH PINYIN NESE KOREAN
A0,I0,A9,I9 both Rook Ju Kui Cha or Tcha
B0,H0,B9,H9 both Knight Ma Ma Ma
C0,G0 Red Bishop Xiang Sheung Sang or Syang
C9,G9 Blue Bishop Xiang Cheung Sang or Syang
D0,F0,D9,F9 both Guard Shi See Sa
E1 Red King Shuai Sui Jang*
E8 Blue King Jiang Cheung Wang*
B2,H2,B7,H7 both Cannon Pao Pow Po or Hpo
A3,C3,E3,G3,I3 Red Pawn Bing Ping Byung or Pyeng**
A6,C6,E6,G6,I6 Blue Pawn Zu Tsut Jol or Tjol**

Note: the Korean names first spelled out are those obtained from
Korean Chess player whom I've corresponded with on Compuserve,
Young Won. The two chapters on Korean Chess, cited above,
provide the "or…" variation. For the King (*), they provide
two alternate names, neither depicting color specific names.
Koung or Tyang is what John Gollon provides; Tjyang or Koung is
what Stewart Culin provides. The Koung, Culin, explains is the
generic term for both–as it is similarly pronounced in Chinese
Chess by the Cantonese–meaning "general." For the Pawn (**),
Culin provides the Pyeng to be the Red, and Tjol to be the Blue.
Gollon provides the same two spellings but does not tie them to a
color.

Sometimes you'll hear Chinese Chess players translate the chess
pieces to different English names — the ones above are the
"official" English names — the ones below are others you might
hear and they are presented here for you to maintain
understanding in real life play:

OFFICIAL
ENGLISH ALTERNATE ENGLISH NAMES GIVEN THESE PIECES
Rook Car Chariot Tank
Knight Horse
Bishop Prime Minister Elephant Minister
Guard Counsellor Advisor
King General Emperor
Cannon Catapult
Pawn Soldier Foot Soldier

TRANSLATION TIDBITS

The Arabic name for "Chariot" is pronounced "Rook." The Chinese
symbol for Chariot is now used for the symbol for a car.

In the traditional Chinese Character for the Knight, the "Ma" —
which means "horse, you'll note the four depicted legs in the red
character (the pieces in real life are like Checkers but with the
Chinese character written on top of the piece) — these are the
horse's legs.

The historical reason the pieces are depicted differently for
both sides (although modern sets use the same depiction for the
Rook, Knight and sometimes the Cannon), is that players could
tell whose piece was whose even if the colors wore out. For
instance, Red has as it's bishop the Chinese Character for Prime
Minister, while Blue (or Green or Black) has as it's bishop the
Chinese Character for Elephant. They both have identical powers
however.

THE OBJECT OF THE GAME

The object of the game is identical to Western and Chinese Chess:
to checkmate the enemy king–that is, to place the enemy king in
a position of entrapment from which it can not save itself. A
stalemate is possible where neither side recognizes that neither
side can win by checkmate.

THE PIECE MOVEMENT RULES

1. The rook moves identical to the Western Chess and Chinese
Chess rook, with one exception:

a. for movement, it can move as far horizontally or
vertically as it has clear passage to move. The movement
for one move must be that of one single straight line.

b. in addition, for movement, the rook can move as far down
a fortress single diagonal line as long as there is clear
passage and the movement remains that of a single
straight line (this means the starting position has to be
in one of the corners or the center of the fortress).

c. for capture, the rook during it's normal movement, can
take any enemy piece that it first bumps into (there must
not be any intervening same-side piece).

2. The knight ends up moving identically to the western knight,
and it moves identical to the Chinese Chess knight. The
knight however must make its move by first moving one step
vertically or horizontally and then one outward diagonal step
and in this movement, there must be clear passage. Thus, the
initial two places that the knight at B0 can move to are A2
or C2. It can not initially move to D1 because the Bishop at
C0 is in the way.

3. The bishop, unlike its Chinese Chess "cousin", is like a
giant knight. It moves 3 positions away from itself: first
by going one step horizontally or vertically and then TWO
outward diagonal steps and there must be clear passage. Thus
in Figure 2 above, the Bishop at C0 can not move as it is
blocked, but it does protect the center Pawn. The Bishop at
H0 can move to F3.

As mentioned above, unlike Chinese Chess, the Bishop is not
only a defensive piece, it can move onto the enemy's side of
the board and be an offensive piece (as is true for both
Chinese and Korean Chess for all other pieces but the King
and Guards).

(For the curious, the Chinese Chess Bishop is a defensive
piece, and can only move two diagonal places at a time (not
any more nor less; and the passage must be clear) and the
Chinese Chess Bishop can not cross the "river"–it must stay
within the 1st 4 rows of it's home side.)

4. The Guard and King move identical to each other. They are
both limited to the center 3×3 fortress that resides in the
1st 3 rows of one's home side. Each piece can only move 1
step down any painted straight line whether or not the line
is a vertical, horizontal, or diagonal line. This is
different than Chinese Chess wherein the Guard can only move
diagonally and the King can only move horizontally or
vertically.

5. The cannon, with several restrictions named below, moves and
captures by making one jump during a single straight line
move. The straight line move can be down a single vertical
line, a single horizontal line, or a single diagonal line in
either fortress (provided the cannon's starting position is
on a fortress border gridpoint).

Note: a fortress canon diagonal move can't start from the
dead center of the fortress but a canon can land in the
fortress dead center from a normal vertical or horizontal
move or jump. But once inside the center of the fortress, the
canon can make a move or jump away by going horizontally or
vertically.

The canon, when it moves, has to jump over a single non-canon
piece, regardless whether the jumped-over piece belongs to
his side or the enemy side. When making a move (not a
capture), the canon can land on any empty gridpoint that
exists on the other side of the jumped-over piece. That
landed-onto (previously) empty gridpoint can be immediately
on the other side of the jumped-over piece or several
gridpoints beyond that jumped-over piece.

The canon, when it captures, has to jump as in a normal move,
but instead of landing onto an empty gridpoint, it has to
land onto an enemy piece that it encounters in, what would
otherwise be a normal jump-type-move. The jumped-over piece
is not captured–it is that second piece encountered in the
jump that is captured. Remember, the 1st piece can be of
either color; the 2nd piece–that is jumped-onto (not over)
has to be that of the enemy.

The cannon can't jump over a cannon (either color).

The cannon can't capture a cannon.

The cannon can not make the first move in a game (unlike
Chinese Chess).

Note: the Korean canon is very different than the Chinese
Chess canon wherein the Chinese Chess canon moves like a rook
but jumps like a Korean Chess canon (but unlike the Korean
canon, the Chinese Chess canon can jump over or jump onto
another canon).

6. The pawn moves the same way it captures: it can move either
one step forward or one step sideways. It can never move
backward. It can move forward down a diagonal line in the
enemy's fortress. If during that one step move, it moves onto
an enemy's occupied, position, it is a capture of that enemy
piece.

If the pawn makes it to the last row, it can only move
sideways then.

For the curious, the Chinese Chess pawn is different; it
can't move sideways until after getting to it's 6th row
(called after crossing the river) and it can't move down the
diagonal line in the enemy's fortress.

7. Special end game notes:

a. Neither side ordinarily want to allow the two kings to
face each other naked (in Chinese Chess but not Korean
Chess, the side that causes this to happens loses the
game). Facing each other "naked," means that there are
no intervening chess pieces.

If you cause this to happen in Korean Chess, you are
placing the other King in check in a desparate last-
chance move on your part for you irreversably foresake
the right to checkmate the other side–you are hoping for
a stalemate, which would be the case if the other side
can not get out of that desparate check.

This is the case even if the game continues for many
moves and even if otherwise the game could have gone into
a good checkmate, the side that initially caused the two
kings to be naked can at best only obtain a stalemate.

I call this (I do not claim originality though) the
"Kings Naked Rule."

b. Gollon adds the rule (page 159, hardbound edition) that
"If in mating, the mating piece is defended by only the
allied 'king'–i.e., if the piece is on an open file
occupied by its 'king' and therefore cannot be captured
by the checked king because of the above rules, the game
is only drawn."

This is the different in Chinese Chess; for there one
frequently will use one's King to protect a piece who is
making check and who otherwise would be captured by the
King being checked–in Chinese Chess, that is considered
successful checkmate–it is a win, not a draw.

c. Unlike Chinese Chess, if you have no other move to make,
except to put your King in check or checkmate, you can
"pass." In other words, your King can stand still, if it
stays in safety and there are no other pieces it can move
at all (regardless if those other pieces would be
captured or not) and if it would otherwise (if a move had
to be made) cause the king to move into check or
checkmate. Gollon states that one declares his pass by
turning his King over, upside down, on the same spot.

8. As a reminder, the pawn, cannon, and rook get to treat the
diagonal lines in either fortress (except the pawn can only
get to the enemy fortress) as ordinary straight lines that
they can move on — except the pawn can only move to the side
or forward — but the pawn can move forward to the rear line
down the diagonal.

9. Unlike Chinese Chess, the double cannon lineup against a king
poses no immediate threat — the rear cannon can't jump over
the front cannon, remember. (In Chinese Chess, if the
farthest away canon from the enemy king is safe and if no
opponent's piece can intervene between the two canons, the
game is over if the King is unable to move sideways, which
can often be the case.)

[End of Document]

Explanation Of KA Photo Radar And Avoiding It

First, a quick explanation about why Ka band photo radar units are so
hard to pick up, then a few off the wall ways of avoiding them.

The main reason they are hard to detect is that they operate at a very
low power level, usually less than a half a milliwatt (compared to
an effective radiation power of a normal radar gun of up to 4 watts,
usually 80mw actual power, making them 1/160 as powerful). The second
part is that they are aimed at an angle across traffic (something like
37.5 degrees). The reason for this is twofold – first, it is hard to
detect the beam if it isn’t aimed down the lane of traffic at you. Second,
if it was aimed down the lane of traffic, the unit would be able to determine
the speed of a semi at up to something on the order of 1/4 mile, making a
3 x 5 snapshot of the highway scenery with a speck on the road-picture of
the oncoming truck. You have to pass “across” the beam to trigger the camera
so as to prevent highly reflective objects from triggering the camera too
soon. By the way, as to the cosine effect, the unit is set up at a
precise angle across the highway and the computer (if you want to call it
a computer) in the photo radar unit automatically compensates for the
difference.

Ways to get around photo radar:
1. They typically use infrared film at night – paint your license plate
with infrared-reflecting paint so as to make the F’s on your license plate
look like E’s, 3’s look like 8’s, etc. You get the picture (but hopefully
the photo radar unit won’t 🙂

2. Remove your license plate and put it in the windshield instead.

3. Another trick on the infrared film deal – turn on your defrosters.
It will make the usually see-through glass look like a red wall.

4. Bend your license plate almost in half – if you get pulled over for
having it like that, say that your friend must have gotten it caught on
one of those concrete blocks that they have in parking lots and bent it.

5. My favorite (for those with guts). Plant a small transmitter on the
Blazer or whatever that houses the photo radar unit. Have it send a pulse
out every second or so. Build a receiver that tells you when you are near
the transmitter – make it so it can be received about a mile away. Better
than a detector! It is sure to work! You can probably sell the receivers
and make a few bucks along the way…

6. Make a high-power transmitter that operates on the same frequency of
the photo radar unit. Drive by the unit while it is operating and blast
it with a few hundred watts of radiation, effectively frying the receiver’s
front end/detector circuitry, rendering the unit useless.

Any more ideas?!?!?!? Send mail – I’m interested in hearing how creative
the rest of you outlaws are….

— Jeff

+———————————————-+——————————+
| Jeff DePolo [depolo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu] | o The best things in life |
| => The University of Pennsylvania <= | come in six-packs. |
| Class of 1991 – Computer Science Engineering | o Life begins at 85 MPH. |
+———————————————-+ o It's not illegal if they |
| DISCLAIMER: Someone else used my account. | don't catch you. |
+———————————————-+——————————+

The J: Party: Why Think? Online Propoganda #1.23

“J” WHY THINK?
Online Propaganda #1.23

A message from the Idea Management Corporation
An enterprise of the Ministry of the Public Mind.

STOP THINKING!
WHY BE BOTHERED?

THINKING IS DOWNRIGHT DIFFICULT! Let the “J party” do the hard
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Thinking is a futile and often dangerous endeavor. Thinking
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THE COMMON GOOD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU ARE!

What benefits most people will logically benefit you. If one
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INDIVIDUALISM IS BAD, IT SUBVERTS THE COMMON GOOD!
BE A PART OF THE WHOLE!
ROCK THE BOAT AND YOU WILL SINK WITH IT!

The more freedom you have the more dangerous you become to the
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* * JOIN THE “J PARTY” NOW! * *

Take the first step towards a happy, fulfilling life and join
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* “J party” member identification card
* “J party” Literature free for one year
* Permission to attend “J party” functions

Plus, you may also receive:

* A discount on the “J Manifesto” when it is published in late 1993
* Information on how to be appointed to a “J Party” Ministerial
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If you are not already convinced that you want to join the “J
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cover printing and postage.

*****************************************************************
I WANT YOU TO THINK FOR ME!

NAME: ______________________________________________
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[ ] I want to join the “J party” immediately. Send me my
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membership fee.

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myself, either. I have enclosed $1 for additional info.

Make checks or money orders payable to “The J party”
Send to: “J party” H.Q. East
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