Category: Quests

These quests are text-based and fictional, so the choices are limitless and silly as they should be.

Wait For Life To Start

It’s not hard – just do the same thing you always did, look around, wait for life to start. The hot chicks thing may start in 2 weeks. You will be the successful leader of something that i call “perception”. Become a full blown monk. Produce 5 ass slapping sounds. Prevent one thousand chickens from being killed. Write all the madness in this world on a sheet of paper. Pee into a really loud and hollow plastic bucket in the middle of a night next to someone watching TV at home with open windows. Confuse the hell out of cats. Make yourself known amongst law enforcement. Let a piece of chocolate melt in your pocket. Read a poem to ducks. Grab her right by the intellectual curiosity and symbolic thinking. Fuck up the volleyball match in the astral world. Study molecular biology so you get tasked with a lot of overwhelming shit to do. If you’re shy, send your crush the hottest porn picture you can find and ask “wanna do this?”. Start a random protest against, like, Aston Martin. Try to get off your mom for just one day. Imitate a bleating sheep really loudly when someone’s outside your house. Get some groceries with a drone while not leaving your room. Cut small pieces of apples and mix them with yogurt. Expiration date is whatever.

Nonsensical Thing To Do For Doing Side Quests

… in MMORPG’s, you enter the level, read the mission text of what to do and ask anyone in the chat “Are you ready to collect the 5 silver coins?” (or whatever it is), just to barely get any response from other players since there is absolutely no necessity for this question, plus it comes off as really cheesy (intentional). When someone responds with “yes” or “yeah”, then you have to do the side quest with more motivation than usual. You’re doing it for the greater good now.

Be A Dog

See Something

Bark at it

You have 15 years.

Print A Small 3D Model Of Your Brain And Decorate Your Work Desk

Intrusive thoughts? Programmer? Fucked up life? She’s not here anymore? Print a 3D model of your brain and put it on the desk. Every time shit gets real, you can see your brain externally and understand better what this weird organ/object is able to do to us.

You have plenty of time, but you should do it within 3 years, which is until April 2026.

Bake Some Nice Cookies For You And Your Friends

You have already taken over East Mongolia and now it is time to take a break and serve your loved ones some god damn cookies. You can stay within that atmosphere for up to 12 hours, after that it is time to get out there and kick some ass.

Eat Salad With Tortoise Nigga

Salad is good for you and tortoises. This is your chance to eat salad hands-free of the same salad the tortoise is eating. Enjoy the salad and quiet tortoise crunching big salad leaves, no onions or vinegar. The toirtoise will stop eating in 243:24:159 years and seconds.

Do Not Toucha This Bear’s Spaghet!

To ensure trust and safety within the Three Bears family, you have been tasked to not toucha the spaghet that is resting on the table. YOu must also protect the spaghet against others who want to touch it, and hold on to defending it for as long as possible. The bear with the green shirt has not fully specified what the punishment would be for the person who touched above spaghet and will come back into the room on 10. 09. 2023. Then we will see if the spaghet was really left untouched.

Live As If Every Day Was Your Last

Can you complete the challenge? To live as if every day was your last?… can you do the things you always wanted to do right now?… can you squeeze the lemon of life? Try it now and you will see it is not for the sissies!

Free Gator Will

Gator Will done fucked up again. He violated all the laws of the State of Florida multiple times and he has been warranted the Death Penalty.


“Free my Gator Will, he ain’t bit nothing'”

to convince the judge that Will is truly innocent.

End Date is 23. September 2023.

The bail is 100 unique posts.

Bring Steve His Hatebreed Album

My nigga Steve left his Hatebreed album at the local S&M dungeon.

To make it to the bar, you have to fight 10 demons in the way to get in there.

The end date is 23.10. 2022.

if you don’t get his album on time, his ears will create wormhole portals so strong that they will suck the whole world as we know into them.

Good luck.

Find His Girlfriend

This Cacaw has lost his girlfriend.

He said that she left him but we don’t believe him.

She still owes him 3x Banggood Sandals so we assume there has been some kind of theft going on.

The end date is 23.09.2022.

He will make the loudest “cacaw” in the universe to tell you that the quest was incomplete.
It can be heard around 25 miles outside of San Antonio, TX