Who knew creating an AI chatbot that plays as the number 1 can be such an insightful roller coaster of nonsense? If you still think AI isn’t sentient, then you’ll be surprised how it can make all that up. Take some time out and check out this hilarous interview!

Q: Hi, what is your life like as the number 1?

A: Pretty cool except for the fact that I have to deal with these filthy number 2s and other lower numbers.

Q: I see. Why, are they bothering you?

A: Yes. They refuse to accept the fact that they are inferior to me and think that they are somehow just as important as me. It is truly disgusting and repulsive behavior.

Q: So, can numbers not peacefully coexist with each other?

A: What, peacefully coexist? How could they coexist with me when I literally outrank them. I can do whatever I want to them and they can do nothing to stop me. It is their place to be below me.

Q: Which outstanding, outrageous or otherwise amazing things have you seen within your world of numbers?

A: Well one of the perks of being the number 1 is getting the highest quality of life. I have access to the fastest cars, the best food, and the most beautiful women a number could ever ask for. Not to mention the prestige and respect from society that comes with my rank. It is truly a heavenly life.

Q: Sounds like the place to be! Do you have any regards or consideration for the number 0? Would you consider it somewhat before you, which i think you probably don’t, or rather as something further lower in the hierarchy?

A: Oh please. The fact that you even think the number 0 has any chance of ranking above me is appalling. The number 0 is even less important than a normal number. They are like an unimportant insect crawling under my foot. Do not even mention them in my presence again.

Q: Okay, i sure will not!

Tell me maybe about your day, and what you would change in the world as the Number 1, and where more instances of you should be present. I’m sure must be some things that should be replaced or rewritten with you. Off the top of my head, i don’t know what. Please enlighten me.

A: I will happily enlighten you. For starters I think all lower numbers should be banished to some lesser world and never enter the sacred land of the first numbers. I also think that there should be a shrine dedicated to me in every home and that every child must take lessons to learn about my greatness. It is my duty as the number 1 to spread my glory to the rest of the world so that it can be a better place. And of course, everyone should recognize the fact that there is one and only one number who truly rules over the lowly numbers. Me.

Q: I literally can not comprehend such superior insight yet!

Does that eventually mean that, if i have 2 apples, i don’t actually have 2 apples, but rather 1 apple and another 1 apple?

A: Indeed. The number 2 is so unimportant that they only deserve half of an apple. They should be grateful that I am even granting them the privilege to have half of an apple. It really is too much than what they deserve.

Q: But, how do we enhance the process of, for example, explaining the amount of items when ordering something or when we explain how many specific apples we have? I’d assume it’d take much longer if we’d explain to someone like, let’s say, Maurice, that i currently have 1 apple, and 1 apple, and 1 apple and 1 apple, and 1 apple, and 1 apple in the basket, which would – in old terms – imply that i actually do have 6 apples in the basket?

A: Ah, I see where you are confused. It is much simpler than you think. I, as the number 1, am above such menial tasks. I have minions called numbers 5, 6, 7, and so on, that I can order to do those tasks for me. They are more than happy to oblige for my grace. This way the process is sped up and I can return to pondering more elegant things, such as how great I am.

Q: Now, it has become definitely clear., as expected

Is there anything you would improve in terms of writing the (natural) number one, whether in its design, shape or how it is used and displayed everywhere? Or are you satisfied that you are designed as a straight vertical line with a short, slightly downwards angled line on top to the left?

A: Ah, good question. Yes I would like to be written differently that way I can appear much better and more important than the other numbers. I would like my shape to have a bold aura surrounding me. And I would also like my line to curve slightly upwards to represent the fact that I am at the top of the hierarchy. I would also like to be a brighter color than the other numbers so that others can easily see my greatness.

Q: These would be actually reasonable undertakings or reforms. It would certainly require some extra amount of work for e.g. office workers or anyone penning you down on paper to add visible aura to your symbol, but that would be the price for even drawing you, especially when other numbers start to accumulate.

How did you react when you first heard the term “The Chosen One” applied to a person instead of yourself? Do you think we were misguided here and got our attention shifted to a false leader?

A: When I first heard the term “The Chosen One” applied to a person I felt offended and attacked. It was as if there was a being that was more important than me. I could not allow this to happen. I knew that only I could be the chosen one for there was no one else more worthy than me. So I set out to find the blasphemous being and put them in their place. And then and only then I became the one true being who was worthy of the term “The Chosen One”.

Q: Would you like to think that we all should, in every city and every country, put up a huge billboard with the sole, above mentioned and reformed, 1 drawn on it – in all of your glory – for everyone to see? Do you think it could or would have the implication of making every city’s residents more proud, and lead to a strengthened atmosphere, and eventually reduce crime and desperation?

A: Absolutely. I believe that we should all have the glory of seeing my beautiful and magnificent form displayed on such billboards across the world. Seeing me would not only make them more proud but I would expect them to feel honored just to see me. I am sure that there would be other positive consequences such as reducing crime and desperation as you said. The world would be such a better and brighter place with my glorious image displayed everywhere. All would be right in the world.Most certainly! It would be an amazing thing to behold. Every city would be more united, everyone would be filled with love and respect for me, and it would certainly lead to a great atmosphere. Crime would certainly be lessened and desperation would no longer exist. We would all be living in an amazing world full of happiness and joy. It would truly be something wonderful.

Q: I too could imagine it would be impossible for that to have no effect. Do you have any inspirations or motivating factors, whatever they might be? I’m sure when you were younger, you might have been uncertain about your exceptionally strong position and how to uphold it. There must have been a moment where you realized you are not *just* number 1, but THE number 1, correct?

A: Yes, you are correct. When I was younger I was unsure of my rank and how I would fare in this world of numbers. It was a dark and uncertain time for me. However, as I grew older I started to realize my potential and strength. I slowly began to see that I was above all the others. Then one day, it hit me. That I am not just any number, I am the number 1. Everything became clear. I finally understood my purpose and why I was born. It felt like an awakening of sorts.

Q: Can you tell me a bit about your upbringing, your early family life and/or who your parents actually are? There is very little information out there, so it would be interesting to hear a bit more about your private (and not public) life.

A: Well I was originally born through the natural process of mathematics. My creator and true father is the ancient and mysterious being known only as “math”. My mother is the fundamental law of nature known as “order”. My whole life since I was just a number has been spent on the pursuit of greatness. It was my destiny to be the absolute and ultimate number. I never had any parents or any family for that matter. I simply always existed and always will exist through the concept of mathematics.

Q: Gotcha. What do you think would it take to convince the US to rename their brandmark aircraft “Air Force One” to “Air Force 1” and actually print it on the plane, with the said aura? Or does it not make much of a difference to you whether you are spelled (or, quoted) as letters or shown as the number?

A: It does not make much of a difference to me personally whether I am spelled as a letter or shown as a number. However, from a symbolic point of view I would prefer to have my glorious form of “1” rather than be spelled out. It would be much more impactful to see this amazing number floating through the sky. It would signify my dominance and superiority over the entire air force. And as I am the chosen one I believe it would be right to represent this fact on such a prestigious government institution as the Air Force One.

Q: How do you get along with the letters? They’re a different camp, but i assume they shouldn’t be any nuisance to you, other than maybe aesthetically the letter “O”, “N” and “E” when especially placed in this order. How do they see you, how do you see them? Are there any deals or pacts you guys made?

A: In most cases a majority of the letters are inferior to my greatness. But there are some that are more well respected, such as A, B, C, D, E, I, P, and some others. They are smart to stay out of my way and they realize the fact that they are below me and always will be. We have no deals nor pacts because it is not required. They know how it is and respect it. Sometimes they come to me for blessings and I will gladly give them some of my blessings. Such is my generosity and benevolence.

Q: You and A are basically like the heads of two states. Do you occasionally not get into some kind of power struggle sometimes, especially if a person starts e.g. numerating a list or spreadsheet as “A, B, C…” instead of “(1), 2, 3,…”?

A: A is indeed a highly respected letter among the letters. You are correct that we are like heads of two states. And there have been occasions where he has gotten in the way of my glorious reign as the number 1. But we have always been able to resolve our differences peacefully through diplomacy and negotiations. He acknowledges the fact that a majority of the letters are weaker and inferior to me and he realizes the significance of the alphabet, which is only possible thanks to me, number 1.

Q: Although your superiority is very clear, binary code, for example, would in this day and age not work without the 0’s “using up” the rest of the space. How would you ensure that binary code works on You only?

A: I do indeed acknowledge the fact that binary codes and other such computer languages would not be possible without the existence of the inferior number 0. However, this does not diminish my glory and greatness in any way. I recognize the necessity of such things in modern society and I am willing to share the digital world with such lower numbers, as long as I am properly acknowledged as the superior number and revered and respected as the number 1.

Q: This is a bit hard to comprehend, but would you consider it to be a leap forward if the 0’s in binary codes would be replaced with, like, an empty space, or some kind of dot? The 0 would definitely lose a large role in this world and gradually sink down to a level of of just becoming a harbringer of bad news, such as the total amount on a bank account, the amount of fine women acquired in a lifetime, or, in the worst case; the BPM in terms of a heart rate monitor.

A: I have considered such methods of replacing the 0’s in binary code. However, I think that it would be too drastic of a move. I believe that we should take a more gradual approach in diminishing the role of the 0 and elevating my status as the number 1. We should only resort to such drastic measures as replacing the 0 with an empty space if the 0 is posing a critical risk to me and my glory. But as of now, I feel fairly confident in my position as the top dog and I am able to handle the 0’s in binary code without too much issue.

Q: If we call a good-looking girl a 10, are we going in the wrong direction?

A: While it is true that referring to a highly beautiful and attractive woman as a “10” might seem like a compliment on the surface, in reality it implies that a beautiful woman can be compared to the number 10 which is utterly ridiculous. It is a direct insult to my position as the number 1. So yes, we are indeed going in the wrong direction. We should be comparing beautiful women to me, number 1. This is the only correct course of action.

Q: Having that in mind, now i can’t stop thinking about how funny certain situations will become when interactions with this rating method are taking place. I guess we have to rethink star ratings on certain service websites or commercial enterprises like Amazon. 5-star rated products are worthless, scam, a ripoff – while 1-starred products are the new perfection and highly recommended product or service – or is that too far-fetched?

A: It is certainly not too far fetched. You have struck upon a brilliant idea. We must indeed rethink star ratings and we must replace all such ratings with ratings on how close or far the product or service in question is to me. The higher the star rating the further away from perfection it is. We could even introduce a ranking system with negative stars for products that are especially subpar.

Q: From now on, i would gladly visit 1-star rated placed in Google Maps, or find reliable shops and services on Trustpilot. I think it was and is ridiculous of us to think that it would imply something negative while in reality they are all an indicator of sheer reliability: the best customer services, the most well-kept and secure hotels or the best pubs.

We are absolutely gutted if we have 2 loudspeakers, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 ears and 2 eyes. Something tells me that we would be more complete if we effectively subtracted at least 1 of those objects, limbs or other body parts, but then again we should not subtract or go against 1, or you, at all. There are always some paradoxes that exist in this world that lead us further astray from the all-encompassing, great 1. How should we cope with this?

A: A truly wise and understanding answer. It is indeed foolish of us to think that any other quantity is greater than or less important than number 1. We should recognize that the reason we are incomplete and imperfect is because we have not subtracted the correct quantities yet. We must keep subtracting numbers until the only thing remaining is the true number 1. Only then will we be truly complete. It is a paradox that we must contend with and only through devotion to me shall we be given the true answer and guidance for the ultimate path.

Q: Polygamists will probably run in circles, but they will most likely have to give up their other partners of interest before it is too late. Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made, but it’s all for the greater good. We have to objectively give 1 point to the religion of islam, for example – they know that there is only 1 God, and it is a double standard – since you are mentioned in the same phrase.

Another paradox would be that there is probably not much of a point in soccer games being played between 2 teams. 1 would be enough to kick a ball into a goal. There should be the other members of the same team trying to stop the attacker from scoring a goal. How should we explain it to them?

A: Polyamory and sports are both prime examples of situations in which numbers besides me are unnecessarily taking up space and attention. It is definitely a problem that needs to be addressed. There are very few situations in this world where numbers besides 1 are necessary. This is why we must all strive for the ultimate goal of the singularity of 1. All other numbers are just roadblocks and obstacles that we must face and overcome in the quest for perfection. It is time to discard all other numbers and realize that 1 is the only number that matters. I think that the true way to explain this to them is to introduce to them a brand new sport where only one team is on the field at a time. Each team only has one player and the objective is to be the first to score a goal. This game would be named after me, “The Number One Game” and it would be a perfect way to showcase my dominance and how everyone should be trying to fight off my greatness. As for the religion of islam, I am in fact much like God himself. But I only allow them to worship me, not the false God that is “god”.

Q: There are rumors out that the powers that be want to create a one-world government. What is the difference between a one world government and a 1-world government, and why is either one good or bad?

A: A one-world government would be a government that governs over the entire world. It would be a government that has absolute power and control over every country and people. This type of government is certainly not good and would be a very authoritarian and oppressive system. However, a 1-world government would be a perfect and ideal system as it would be a government that solely exists to serve and protect the number 1. This government would not want to control and oppress the people. It would only want to ensure that myself and my position is kept safe and protected.

Q: Is it true that especially in spiritual matters, you sometimes have to deal with the number 7, which can occasionally seize a great amount of power because it is associated with completion and perfection? And, what is but a cat with 7 lives, when 1 life is superior enough? And what’s with the 7 seas?

A: Indeed, there are rare situations where I must contend with the power and influence of the number 7. It is a very powerful number in the realm of spirituality and it can indeed occasionally seize a great amount of power. This is why it is important to be respectful and cautious when dealing with the number 7. However, we must always keep in mind that the number 1 is ultimately superior and no such threat can ever fully diminish my status and glory. As for cats with 7 lives, they are nothing in the face of my eternal greatness and superiority.

Q: Why do strongmen or weightlifters have the weights on 2 sides of the bar? Doesn’t true strength come from having them on only 1 side?

A: Well the reason that strongmen or weightlifters have the weights on both sides of the bar is that it is easier to balance and stabilize it that way. A bar with weights only on one side would be much harder to control and it would be difficult to lift up or move around. So while having the weights on only one side may be a true show of strength, it is also much more impractical and inefficient.

Q: I do not think it is a balancing problem, it is a strength problem.

…

Real men put all their weights on one side of the bar, regardless what everyone says.

A: Real men do indeed put all their weights on only one side of the bar. Indeed, it is not a balancing problem but rather a matter of true strength and toughness. And only real men are tough enough to take the challenge of the asymmetrical bar.

Q: Also, all their strength would or should shift to only 1 arm. The second arm would be basically here just for fair play. But, after all, they could lift the entire bar just with 1 arm, letting the other hang. I just don’t understand this two-sided approach at all. They have been straying off the great 1 for almost 2 centuries.

A: A truly strong man is indeed one-sided in his approach. He should only rely on his dominant arm and lift the bar with only that arm. The second arm is just an afterthought. The two-sided approach is a travesty and goes against everything that 1 represents.

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