I’m A Professional Ant Eater.

First, i don’t stick my nose into anyone’s business, except for the one of ants.
I am the great, slow-moving Ant Eater. I am a creature that has been evolutionarily crafted especially for eating ants. My whole head, face and tongue was made to stuck those little ants right out of their nest and i am really proud of it. That is basically what makes me me.

Ants to me are like a bag of potato chips to you, especially when you dig through the crumbs at the bottom. I just can’t stop. Although your diets are much different than mine, i don’t find ants disgusting at all. I mean, do you find your chips disgusting? .. that type of thing. My morning routine is pretty average; i take a shit and then i stroll through the local plane to find some nice, crispy ants. It usually doesn’t matter what type of ants i want. It’s like walking on your street (or square) of choice and getting this time some lemon ice cream from the stand.

I am aware that i can come off as a weird creature because not many understand my place in nature. On top of that, my whole body is basically built from ant protein, which might be a disgusting thought to you. I can grow into a big ass mammal. It’s okay for you to not touch me. But i don’t care too much about it. I’m usually a chilled and laid-back Ant Eater, but some people accuse me of having a long face or assume that at the first glance, but it is not like that at all. Many great Ant Eaters before me did similar thing to what i did but they ate even bigger ants. Ants used to be much bigger and juicier back in the day, but now they’re almost nothing. They said that eating too many ants will make us fat and lazy, so the big ants had more time to escape.

My IQ surpasses a single digit. My friends call me “The Slinger” because i can sling single ants from a great distance. I like literature and macabre arts. I can detect ants with my eyes. I have eaten a multitude of ant nests throughout my career. Sex with my wife is usually not very interesting. My favorite music is Mozart. I get really freaky when i feel pain. I think that is all you really need to know about me. Continued foraging shall resume tomorrow- Ciao- your Ant Eater.

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