CAPRICORN (DEC22-JAN20) YOU ARE CONSSERVATIVE AND AFRAID OF TAKING RISKS.
\nYOU ARE BASICALLY CHICKEN SHIT. THERE HAS NEVER
\nBEEN A CAPRICORN OF ANY IMPORTANTANCE. YOU SHOULD
\nKILL YOURSELF!<\/p>\n
AQUARIUS (JAN21-FEB18)\t YOU HAVE AN INVENTIVE MIND AND ARE INCLINED TO BE
\nPROGRESSIVE.\tYOU LIE A GREAT DEAL. ON THE OTHER
\nHAND, YOU ARE INCLINED TO BE CARELESS AND IMPRACTICAL
\nCAUSING YOU TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES REPEATEDLY.
\nEVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE A FUCKING JERK.<\/p>\n
PISCES (FEB19-MAR20)\t YOU HAVE A VIVID IMAGINATION AND OFTEN THINK YOUR
\nBEING FOLLOWED BY THE F.B.I. OR THE C.I.A. YOU
\nHAVE A MINOR INFLUENCE OVER YOUR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE
\nRESENT YOU FOR FLAUNTING YOUR POWER.\tYOU LACK CONFI-
\nDENCE AND ARE GENERALLY A COWARD. PISCES PEOPLE SCREW
\nSMALL ANIMALS AND PICK THEIR NOSES ALOT.<\/p>\n
ARIES (MAR21-APRIL19)\t YOU ARE THE PIONEER TYPE AND HOLD MOST PEOPLE IN
\nCONTEMPT. YOU ARE QUICK TEMPERED, IMPATIENT, AND
\nSCORNFUL OF ADVICE. YOU ARE A PRICK.<\/p>\n
TAURUS (APRIL20-MAY20)\tYOU ARE PRACTICAL AND PERSISTANT. YOU HAVE A DOGGED
\nDETERMINATION AND WORK LIKE HELL. MOST PEOPLE THINK
\nYOU ARE STUBBORN AND BULLHEADED. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT
\nA DAMN COMMUNIST!<\/p>\n
GEMINI(MAY21-JUN20)\tYOU ARE A QUICK AND INTELLIGENT THINKER. PEOPLE LIKE
\nYOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BISEXUAL. HOWEVER, YOU ARE INCLINED
\nTO EXPECT TOO MUCH FOR TOO LITTLE. THIS MEANS YOU ARE
\nA CHEAP BASTARD. GEMINIS ARE NOTED FOR THRIVING ON
\nINCEST!<\/p>\n
CANCER (JAN21-JUL22)\tYOU ARE SYMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING TO OTHER PEOPLES
\nPROBLEMS. THEY THINK YOU ARE A SUCKER. YOU ARE ALWAYS
\nPUTTING THINGS OFF. THIS IS WHY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ON
\nWELFARE AND NEVER BE WORTH A SHIT!<\/p>\n
LEO (JULY23-AUG22)\tYOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A BORN LEADER. OTHERS THINK YOU
\nARE PUSHY. MOST LEOS ARE BULLYS. YOU ARE VAIN AND CAN
\nNOT TOLERATE HONEST CRITICISM.\tYOUR ARROGANCE IS DISGUS
\nTING. LEO PEOPLE ARE THEIVING BASTARDS AND KISS MIRRORS
\nALOT.<\/p>\n
VIRGO (AUG23-SEPT22)\tYOU ARE THE LOGICAL TYPE AND HATE DISORDER. THE NIT
\nPICKING IS SICKENING TO YOUR FRIENDS. YOU ARE COLD
\nAND UNEMOTIONAL AND OFTEN FALL ASLEEP WHILE SCREWING.
\nVIRGOS MAKE GOOD BUS DRIVERS OF PIMPS.<\/p>\n
LIBRA (SEPT23-OCT22)\tYOU ARE THE ARTISTIC TYPE AND HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME
\nWITH REALITY. IF YOU ARE A MALE, YOUR PROBABLY QUEER.
\nCHANCES FOR EMPLOYMENT AND MONETARY GAIN ARE EXCELLENT
\nMOST LIBRA WOMEN ARE WHORES. ALL LIBRAS DIE OF VENEREAL
\nDISEASE.<\/p>\n
SCORPIO (OCT23-NOV21)\tYOU ARE SHREWD IN BUSINESS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED. YOU
\nSHALL ACHIEVE THE PINNACLE OF SUCESS BECAUSE OF YOUR
\nTOTAL LACK OF ETHICS. YOU ARE A PERFECT SON-OF-A-BITCH
\nMOST SCORPIOS ARE MURDERED!<\/p>\n
SAGITTARIUS (NOV22-\tYOU ARE OPTIMISTIC AND ENTHUSIASTIC. YOU HAVE A RECK
\nDEC21)\tLESS TENDANCY TO RELY ON GOOD LOOKS SINCE YOU HAVE NO
\nTALENT. THE MAJORITY OF SAGITTARIANS ARE DRUNKS OR
\nPOTHEAD. PEOPLE LAUGH AT YOU ALOT BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAY
\nGETTING FUCKED!<\/p>\n
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