Top 59 Mistakes Made by Adolf Hitler<\/p>\n
1. Land War in Asia
\n2. Changed name from highly catchy ‘Schickelgruber’ to boring ‘Hitler’
\n3. Leaving his little mustache: not growing a friendly Abe Lincoln
\n beard to instill trust among subjects
\n4. Not buying lifts for his shoes
\n5. Failure to exploit Me 262 Messerschmidt
\n6. Failure to exploit Eva Braun
\n7. Chose swastika as party symbol rather than the daisy
\n8. Chose Josef Goebels rather than Marlene Dietrich to promote Nazi
\n image
\n9. Chose “Deutschland Uber Alles” over “Let’s All Be There” as party
\n slogan
\n10. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones
\n11. Chose unfashionable blacks and browns rather than trendy plaids and
\n stripes as uniform colors for SS & SA
\n12. Referring to Stalin as “that old Georgian fat back”
\n13. Indiscriminate use of V-2 rockets for public fireworks displays
\n14. Free beer in munitions plants
\n15. Lisp never corrected
\n16. Bad toupe
\n17. Refused to undergo nostril reduction surgery
\n18. Failed to conquer strategically important Comoros Islands
\n19. Fell asleep in staff meetings
\n20. Chose Italy as ally
\n21. Land War in Asia
\n22. Got involved with a Sicilian when death was on the line
\n23. Made pass at Eleanor Roosevelt during 1936 Olympics
\n24. Built heliport on top of new Reichstag building which looked
\n remarkably like a bullseye from the air
\n25. Always got Churchill out of bed for conference calls
\n26. Never had fireside mass rallies
\n27. Told Einstein he had a stupid name
\n28. Used SS instead of LAPD
\n29. Admired Napoleon’s strategy
\n30. Strong fondness for saurkraut and beans made General Staff avoid
\n him constantly
\n31. In last days, chose to hide in bunker rather than ask U.S. for a
\n little country place in Hawaii
\n32. Nightmare involving Pillsbury Doughboy haunted him constantly with
\n war advice
\n33. Major theme in speeches — “liebensraum, or “living room” — widely
\n misperceived as call for domestic architectural reform
\n34. Failed to revoke Rudolph Hess’s pilot licence.
\n35. Pissed off Jesse Owens at 1936 Olympics
\n36. Didn’t put his brother Billy in the concentration camps. When word
\n got out that Billy was just a beer guzzling fat guy in a small town
\n in Bavaria who grew peanuts it was bad P.R. for Der Fuhrer
\n37. Breast feeding for too long
\n38. Passed up Finish “tanks for snowshoes” offer before invasion of
\n USSR
\n39. Drank to much at Beer Hall Putsch
\n40. Spent jail time planning how to conquer the world instead of his
\n own escape.
\n41. Forgot to write “Dear Joey” letter to Stalin before invasion of
\n Poland
\n42. Blew nose on Operation Barbarossa maps, forcing extemporaneous
\n invasion of Soviet Union
\n43. Took no steps to keep Neville Chamberline in power
\n44. Chose the Tirpitz for that weekend of love with Eva in the Fjords
\n45. Frequently mistaken for Charlie Chaplin due to mustache; undermined
\n credibility (as when he threatened to invade Poland, everyone waited
\n for the punchline)
\n46. Came off as poor loser when “Triumph of the Will” failed to win
\n Oscar for “best Foreign Documentary” — “You don’t like me” speech
\n undermined image.
\n47. Used to make prank calls to FDR asking if he had “Prince Albert in
\n a can”
\n48. Forgot correct interpretation of Nietzche; caused much
\n embarrassment when he used to cite philosophical support for his
\n concept of the “Oberdude”
\n49. Got drunk on schnapps and suggested Tojo attack the U.S. saying,
\n “The U.S. only has twenty times your industrial power, what are
\n you, a wimp?”
\n50. Listened to too much Wagner and not enough Peter, Paul and Mary
\n51. Spent too much on screwdrivers and toilet seats
\n52. Tried to play football with Axis Lucy who pulled the ball away at
\n the last second
\n53. Failed to encourage tourism
\n54. Being born
\n55. Never did the honorable thing with Eva Braun
\n56. Alienated Chamberline at Munich by sticking an “Invade me” sign on
\n his back
\n57. Kept Colonel Klink in command
\n58. Churchill mistakenly thought “Deutschland Uber Alles” was a veiled
\n threat
\n59. Used same astrologer as the Reagans<\/p>\n
