DO THE ENGLISH LIKE THE AMERICANS?<\/p>\n
By Nigel Ballard 28 Maxwell road
\n Winton Bournemouth Dorset BH9 1DL
\n England.<\/p>\n
Howard the sysop, recently asked me a question, ‘Do the british like
\nhaving American tourists in their country?’<\/p>\n
A good question, that deserves a full if not cautious answer.<\/p>\n
I remember in the World War Two film called ‘Yanks’ some bright spark
\nmade the comment that the Americans were ‘Over Paid, Over Sexed and OVER
\nHERE’! Not a terribly kind thing to say especially as these boys had
\nleft safer AND warmer climes to help save our arse’s.<\/p>\n
Firstly, you must appreciate the English, we are a damn funny lot,
\ncontrary to popular belief, we are not all like Basil Fawlty from the
\noutrageous TV sitcom Fawlty Towers starring John Cleese. We are however
\na peculiar race. Our elders still remember a time when Britain was a
\ncountry to be reckoned with, an EMPIRE and all that crap. Worse still
\nour now departed forefathers actually used to swing the lead in America!<\/p>\n
Back to the present day, now that short history lesson is over with.
\nWhereas an American would think nothing of driving fifty miles to get a
\nburger. To the British, this is a major ROAD TRIP? We are somewhat
\ninsular, it could be said that many of us suffer from a small town
\nmentality. We live, work and play in a tiny geographical area, and only
\nventure out maybe twice a year. Once to visit Harrods in London, just to
\nget that classy green carrier bag. And once to visit Majorca for our two
\nweeks holiday. Other than that we tend to hang around in the same areas,
\nmeeting the same people. To an American this may seem VERY STRANGE
\nindeed. But to many of us, we are happy staying in familiar surroundings
\nand with familiar people. Let’s face it, we Brits are just not very
\nadventurous people.<\/p>\n
Of course city dwellers are a different race altogether, and not being
\none, I am not in a position to argue their case.<\/p>\n
A COUNTRY GENT
\nBest described as a man who’s family has lived in the same enormous,
\nbut rather run down house for generations. Tweed is the preferred
\ndress. Trouble is, this CHAPPIE, usually doesn’t have two farthings to
\nrub together. Nobody minds, because rich or poor, when he talks, he
\ndoesn’t talk at you, he talks DOWN to you. It is not a deliberate act,
\nit is just what we refer to as breeding. And as such he can get away
\nwith murder. Everything about him an American would call QUAINT.<\/p>\n
QUAINT
\nThis is the first of many words used to EXCESS by American tourists. We
\nBrits do not like it very much. Some of us may be country bumpkins, but
\nwe don’t like it shoved down our throats by complete strangers wearing
\nplaid slacks and driving one of ‘them there’ giant hire cars that seem
\nreserved for the exclusive use of American tourists, who in all honesty
\nare the only people capable of manoeuvring them around our QUAINT little
\ntraffic system. To us, a roundabout is a roundabout. We do not consider
\nthem the eighth wonder of the world, and as such we are baffled by the
\n26 foot long motor home parked on the hard shoulder as two tourists armed
\nwith motor driven Nikons snap away at this engineering marvel. After all
\nit is only a circle of concrete filled with earth and decorated with a
\nfew poxy flowers.<\/p>\n
OVERPOWERING
\nTo the British, the Americans are a bit overpowering. They show emotions
\nopenly whereas any student of Victorian Britain will tell you, we keep
\nour emotions bottled up. It just would not be British to show our inner
\nfeelings. Personally I like the way Americans summon a waitress over if
\ntheir steak is less than 100%. The brits however, NEVER MAKE A FUSS, we
\njust muddle through, and chew on the gristle as best we can.<\/p>\n
PUSHY
\nNow we definitely have you on this one. Take the queue at a bank, Britain
\nis known for it’s superb Queues, no country other than those for food in
\nRussia could come close to meeting ours in length or civility. We just
\nstand there like lemmings waiting our turn to jump over the cliff. In
\nwalks an American, expecting the level of service they get at First
\nNational, they mutter loudly about how QUAINT our banking system is.
\nTheir fascination turns very quickly to impatience as they start the
\ndreaded queue jumping. Normally mild mannered and well behaved locals,
\nsoon get in on the act, and before you know it, it’s like sharks in a
\nfeeding frenzy. Not a pretty sight.<\/p>\n
WELL OFF
\nWe definitely have an aversion to nations that seem to have bigger and
\nbetter things than we do. A great British case in point, is that the
\nGermans drive Mercedes, while we potter about in our teeny weenie little
\nrunabouts, the question then get’s asked, ‘Who won the bloody war
\nthen?’. We get bombarded with so many American Soaps, and the British
\njust love to hate the people and their seemingly opulent life-styles.
\nDallas being possibly the best example. Even the cow hands drive better
\ncars than we do! Unfortunately, envy can be a cancerous and all consuming
\npastime for some. I’m happy with my lot, I would like more, but I
\ndefinitely don’t begrudge anyone else who has more, except perhaps Donald
\nTrump (and what a wife he’s got, enough said on that I think).<\/p>\n
BIGGER AND BETTER
\nStop telling us that what ever we have, you have one that’s bigger and
\nbetter. We don’t care. Well actually we do care very much indeed, we
\njust would rather NOT have our noses rubbed in it.<\/p>\n
YOU LEFT US BEHIND I THINK
\nIt appears to me that we find you all so fascinating, but prefer to look
\nat you all from afar. Maybe it is because you have evolved just so damn
\nquick. America is a giant among giants, so what happened to our bloody
\nEMPIRE? Well that is certainly our fault, and not yours. WE made our bed
\nand now we must lie in it.<\/p>\n
TELEVISION
\nExcluding the new satellite channels, we have four terrestrial channels.
\nAnd pretty damn good they are too. What most British people see of US
\ntelevision goes to convince them that four channels of good quality
\nprogramming is better than twenty-four channels of crap.<\/p>\n
SUCCESS
\nWhat a great word, and what a great thing to have. Most Brits are
\nembarrassed by success, as in money, we hide it away thinking that
\nsomebody else will want some of it if we show our real worth. Quite
\nrightly the Americans are not at all embarrassed by success. If you’ve
\ngot it flaunt it, well maybe that’s a bit vulgar, but anyway,hard work,
\ncommitment and sound business ideas should be commended and lessons
\nlearned should be passed along to encourage others to follow in in the
\nsame direction. It is a shame but in the UK if you are a success, the
\npublic and the press both feel that as public property, you are now
\neligible to be ripped to shreds.<\/p>\n
SMALL WORLD
\nNow we think this is quaint.
\nUpon meeting an American, any American, one is asked where about’s in the
\nUK one is from. I reply DORSET, the american ALWAYS ALWAYS says, well
\nyou must know Fred and Winnie. Well Dorset may not be New York State,
\nbut really what a preposterous notion to assume that every Brit knows
\nevery other Brit.<\/p>\n
DISTURBING
\nThere are many things we see on the TV that disturb us all about the
\nAmerican way of life. Perhaps some might assume that if we mix, then
\nsome of these disturbing occurrences will rub off.
\nTake crime, we see so many instances of senseless crime, just recently
\nwe saw footage of female gangs that will shoot passer’s by just for the
\nNIKE training shoes they are wearing. Hotels in Miami that refuse to
\nallow bills to be paid by cash, just in case they get robbed. The
\ndreadful drugs and AIDS situation. Although England is no bastion made
\nup exclusively of righteous people, it still remains a fact that certain
\nareas of America are not safe to walk in. And I know that many people
\nare not keen to see any of our sacred turf turn into lawless ghetto’s.
\nOur Police still refuse to openly wear side-arms, our local bobby is
\nmostly approachable, they ride push bikes and walk the streets alone and
\nunarmed. And yes we like it that way. Many of us are not convinced that
\nthe American’s right to bear arms is a good thing. It seems so easy to
\nget a gun in the USA. In the UK however, private individuals being
\nallowed to own and shoot firearms (other than shot-guns) is as rare as
\nrocking horse droppings.<\/p>\n
RACISM
\nYes Britain has it, unpleasant as it may be, in certain areas, mostly
\ncities, we have it rather bad. Out in the country, there is no problem,
\nmainly I think because we have no race minorities here. They prefer to
\nstick together, safety in numbers. However bad the situation is here, it
\nhas never got to the stage where grown men dress up in pointy hats and
\nbed linen, and then proceed to burn wooden crosses. In the Second World
\nWar, Coloured men fought alongside white, taking the same risks for the
\nsame pay. So why I ask myself when a race of people has given it’s all
\nto the country of it’s choice, why can’t they get accepted, and be
\nallowed to live their lives. Although as already said we have our
\nproblems, for the most part we live and let live. The british are more
\nverbal in their bigotry, If we don’t like someone we’ll say so, and
\noften to their face. We draw the line however at burning other people’s
\nhouse’s down.<\/p>\n
TO SUMMARISE
\nWE love the money you bring us, we love to hate the soap star characters
\nyou send us. We just find you all a bit overpowering. While writing this
\narticle I asked many people if they liked Americans, most said NO, so I
\nreplied, tell me why? No convincing argument came back. I strongly think
\nit is a combination of all the aforementioned points. We just operate
\nin a lower gear than you do. Americans ‘give good meeting’and ‘touch
\nbase’with each other, whereas we meet down the pub for a pint of beer
\nand a ploughmans lunch.<\/p>\n
AND WHAT ABOUT ME?
\nWell I like Americans, In my travels around the USA, I liked the open
\nroads, large comfortable air conditioned cars, convenience stores,
\nDoritos, Taco Bell, Howard Johnsons and the superb standard of living
\nafforded to the middle classes. Maybe I’m really a closet townie.
\nMy only gripe would be that I thought American beer tasted like gnats piss.
\nAnd that, Miller Real Draft in the clear bottle even looked like it!<\/p>\n
I suppose if you come over to visit us, the towns geared up for tourists
\nwill welcome you with open arms. Just try and be a bit more reserved
\nwhen you venture off the well beaten tourist tracks, and you’ll fit in
\njust fine.<\/p>\n
Any comments, death threats or abuse on this BBS please.<\/p>\n
Have A Nice Day! Nigel.<\/p>\n
