ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD?
\n3 Compliments Of 12-20-1991 3
\n3 3
\n3 =PURGATORY BBS 3
\n3 (207)-866-2399 3
\n3 3
\n3 SysOps: Thanatos and Raphael Dareau 3
\n@DDDDDDDDDDDDDBDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDBDDDDDDDDDDDDY
\n 3 3
\n 3The Story Of Spam – Volume 3 1\/23
\n 3Much Ado About Nothing In Orono!3
\n @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY<\/p>\n
BRIEF INTRODUCTION<\/p>\n
The last “Story Of Spam” was the longest that ever
\nexisted and many people complained about its 9 page length,
\ncommenting that the text seemed to be constant blabber … as
\nif it was a term paper that needed to be an EXACT length and
\na person wanted to find a way to extend some words. That is
\nwhy this text is coming into existence — to keep things
\nconcise, clear, and less wordy. Plus, there was some
\ninconsistencies that were noticed in the story, which will be
\ncorrected in the following text.<\/p>\n
ANOTHER BRIEF INTRODUCTION<\/p>\n
This is the Story Of Spam. The title is not fitting
\nhowever in this text as it had been in others. In order to
\nkeep the reader disinterested in the text, some other things
\nhave been added, hence the name “Much Ado About Nothing In
\nOrono.” However, this text will be kept from becoming a
\nconstant blabber and if you do not like this new text, then
\nplease feel obligated to stick your head in a bucket of
\npiranha fish. Also, some of the names of the people in this
\ntext have NOT been changed, and they will probably will never
\nbe able to get another decent job. Also, this will be the
\nlast story of Spam for the rest of the year.<\/p>\n
IIIII n the beginning, there was NovaNET. However, due to a
\n I tragic blimp accident, much of the history of NovaNET
\n I was lost. However, much is known about this computer
\n I system after something called The Matt Thomas Era,
\nIIIII which is an era that NovaNET signons were flung around
\n like pennies in a auditorium that contains McKernan.
\nHowever, at the start of recorded history, things began to
\nchange quickly. The entire universe was in shock as the
\nDebmeister and The Guardian Of The Lips swooped down on
\nNovaNETland and began to viciously attack people like crazed
\npiranhas. And those who did survive the attack that caused
\nthe eventual collapse of the Matt Thomas era was subjected to
\nNovaNET poverty and could do little or nothing. The Tower Of
\nBabbling was destroyed, which destroyed Term-Talk instantly.
\nTalkomatic was damaged as well, but it was not as hit as
\nhard. According to legend, which was written in two large
\nstone tablets that were carried down from Mt. Urbana,
\ntroutman\/dialup\/nova was the only one that was not effected,
\nas his aurora was the best deflector for anything that the
\nLips and the Debmeister could dish out. The stone tablets
\nturned out to be the Ten Commandments Of NovaNET, which were
\ngiven to troutman during his visit to Mt. Urbana by the Great
\nOne after he solved his quest for a Shiva. This transaction
\ntruly marked the end of the Matt Thomas era.<\/p>\n
SPAM<\/p>\n
W W orking late one night in 1937 in his secret
\nW W laboratory, Jay Hormel had a deadline lurking. He
\nW W W worked at the Hormel Meat Company and he had several
\nWW W WW thousand extra pounds of pork shoulder that he did
\n WWWWW not know what to do with — and he had to find
\n something to do with all the extra meat before it
\nrotted. He then began to mix different products into the
\nmeat and then a big black puff of smoke came up from the
\nmixture and Jay averted his eyes from the sight. When he
\nfinally looked at the final product, he saw a huge cubical
\npiece of meat. Carefully, he tasted the product, which
\ntasted a bit odd, but yet had possibilities. He then began
\nto market it as Hormel Luncheon Meat, which was as lame as
\nthe word “hip.” Because of this lame name, a emergency
\nmeeting was held and the President Of Hormel offered $100 for
\na person to come up with a catchy name. After several
\nminutes of pondering, Kenneth Daigneau stood up, yelled
\n“SPAM”, and ran down the hallway. Surprised, yet quick to
\nadapt, the luncheon meat was dubbed the ever-holy name and
\nthe meat began to reproduce into its current definition — A
\nmeat substance that is consumed at the rate of 3.8 cans per
\nsecond and is sold in more than 50 countries. Margaret
\nThatcher ate it for Christmas dinner in 1943 and Nikita
\nKhrushchev called it the only thing to keep the Soviet Army
\nalive.<\/p>\n
Then 50 years later, Spam’s birthday was celebrated in
\nMinnesota. The luncheon meat was featured in many different
\nways — a luncheon that featured a “all you can eat” Spam
\nBreakfast for $1.99. Also, there was Spam Pizza and Spam
\nsubmarine sandwitches. There was a Spam eating contest where
\ncontestants were timed as they ate a 7-ounce can of Spam.
\nOnly fingers were allowed, no utensils, and the only thing
\nthat they could drink was a 7 ounce glass of water. There
\nwas also a Spam sculpting contest, in which artist could show
\ntheir favorite medium to work in. Also, the jamboree
\nfeatured the Spam recipe contest, with live bands, and
\nbicycle and foot races. Also, A Spam King And Queen was
\nchosen.<\/p>\n
Also, much literature and music was written about the
\nmeat substance.<\/p>\n
3001: A SEARCH FOR SPAM<\/p>\n
As I made my way down the tunnel toward my favorite
\nhangout, I got a pain in my stomach. I had only felt this
\nway once before, but that was many years ago. The doctor
\ntold me that it was gas, but I knew this was much more than
\ngas; it was a pain sent to me as a message from the gods. I
\nfelt better after a while, so I proceeded to my hangout.<\/p>\n
When I got there, it was empty except for the bartender.
\nI approached him and ordered one Pepsi and a disk of Spam.
\nHe looked at me with deep concern and told me the whole
\ncomplex was out of Spam. “How could this be?” I thought.
\n“No Spam. Can I survive without Spam?” I asked the
\nbartender if there was anything I could do to help find more
\nSpam. He told me that a meeting was being held in the town
\nsquare on the matter, and that everybody was there now.
\nThat’s when I realized that the pain was a message telling me
\nthat I was the one that must save us all and find Spam.<\/p>\n
I jumped on my motorized tricycle and headed for the
\nmeeting. When I got there, a man was standing on a giant
\nTide box he had turned into a makeshift stage. He was
\nsaying, “As you all know, in the mid-21st century, we were
\ndriven underground by global warming. The only thing we took
\nwith us was a large supply of Spam, and as most of us have
\ndiscovered, that supply has run out. We have other foods to
\neat, but we have all been eating Spam for so long, we now
\nhave a physical dependence on it. Without it, we will go
\nmad. Our scientists have already made some digging machines
\nequipped with Spam radar. I say we start a search
\nimmediately for another underground civilization that has the
\ntechnology to make Spam.”<\/p>\n
We all agreed and headed for the machines. Two people
\nwere assigned to each vehicle. My partner’s name was Chris.
\nHis job was to watch the radar and mine was to drive. While
\nmost of the groups started moving outward, I had a hunch that
\nthe best way to go would be straight down. Chris thought I
\nwas crazy, but he wasn’t driving. We went straight down.<\/p>\n
After we had driven down for two hours, it became hot,
\nbut luckily we had air conditioning. Chris watched the radar
\nwith an eagle’s eye and his own eyes too, but there was no
\nsight of Spam. We traveled for several more hours. When my
\nstomach growled and Chris started to sweat from lack of Spam,
\nthere was nothing to do but what we did. I broke the glass
\npanel labeled EMERGENCY. I took out a small can of Spam and
\nshared it with Chris. Of course, we had other foods in the
\nmachine to eat, but I didn’t want anything except for Spam.
\nWe had to find Spam now. If we didn’t find some in less than
\n24 hours, we would die for sure. There was no turning back.<\/p>\n
Just when we were about to turn back, Chris told me he
\nhad a faint Spam signal on the radar. We celebrated by
\nlicking the empty Spam can. The longer we traveled, the
\nstronger the signal became. It got real hot. When Chris
\ntold me the air conditioner had broken under the strain, I
\nbarely heard him. We would be finding Spam soon, and that
\nwas all that mattered. I could almost feel that slimy meat
\nreplica going down my throat. “The Spam readings have shot
\noff the scale. We should be finding the mother lode any time
\nnow,” Chris told me. Suddenly we broke through a shell into
\na large chamber. A great aroma overcame us. It was Spam!<\/p>\n
“The instruments tell me that huge ball is two things.
\nOne, it is the very core of the Earth. Two, it is pure
\nSpam,” Chris said in a state of awe.<\/p>\n
At that very moment, a small ball of moldy Spam flew
\nover my head. “Mold — did you see mold? I didn’t know that
\nstuff ever went bad,” I said to Chris. Then I spotted what
\nhad shot the ball at us. Two cats were evidently guarding
\nthe core. They were shooting catapults at us, but luckily
\nthey were bad shots. A closer look made us think that their
\ncataracts had to do with it than luck, though. We paid them
\noff with some catnip, so they let us pass. We grabbed a big
\nchunk of Spam and headed back for the complex.<\/p>\n
When we got back, there was a huge celebration in honor
\nof our Spam discovery. The crowd began chanting for a
\nvictory speech, so I gave them one. “Yo, Adrienne, I
\nachieved Spamness.” – By Damon Heitland Of Ada, OK<\/p>\n
The Monty Python Sketch – SPAM<\/p>\n
Cut to a cafe. All the customers are Vikings. Mr. and
\nMrs. Bun enter — downwards.<\/p>\n
Mr. Bun: Morning.
\nWaitress: Morning.
\nMr. Bun: What have you got, then?
\nWaitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg, sausage and
\n bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg,
\n bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and
\n spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked
\n beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam; or lobster
\n thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
\n garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg
\n on top and spam.
\nMrs. Bun: Have you got anything without spam in it?
\nWaitress: Well, there’s spam, egg, sausage and spam. That’s
\n not got much spam in it.
\nMrs. Bun: I don’t want any spam.
\nMr. Bun: Why can’t she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?
\nMrs. Bun: That’s got spam in it!
\nMr. Bun: Not as much as spam, egg, sausage and spam.
\nMrs. Bun: Look, could I have egg, bacon, spam and sausage
\n without the spam?
\nWaitress: Uuuuuuuggggh!
\nMrs. Bun: What do you mean uuuuuggggh?! I don’t like SPAM!
\nVikings: Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam … spam, spam, spam,
\n spam, spam … lovely spam, wonderful spam …
\nWaitress: Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can’t have egg,
\n bacon spam, and sausage without the spam.
\nMrs. Bun: Why not?
\nWaitress: No, it wouldn’t be egg, bacon, spam and sausage,
\n would it?
\nMrs. Bun: I don’t like SPAM!
\nMr. Bun: Don’t make a fuss, dear. I’ll have your spam. I
\n love it. I’m having spam, spam, spam, spam,
\n spam…
\nVikings: Spam, spam, spam, spam …
\nMr. Bun: … baked beans, spam, spam, and spam.
\nWaitress: Baked beans are off.
\nMr. Bun: Well can I have spam instead?
\nWaitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
\nspam, spam and spam?
\nVikings: … spam, spam, spam, spam…
\nMr. Bun: Yes.
\nWaitress: Arrrrgh!
\nVikings: … lovely spam, wonderful spam …
\nWaitress: Shut up! Shut up!<\/p>\n
A Hungarian enters.<\/p>\n
Hungarian:Great boobies huneybun, my lower intestine is full
\n of spam, egg, spam, bacon, spam, tomato, spam…
\nVikings: Spam, spam, spam, spam…
\nWaitress: Shut up!
\nHungarian:My nipples explode…<\/p>\n
Cut to a historian.<\/p>\n
Historian:Another great viking victory was at the Green
\n Midget cafe at Bromley. Once again the Viking
\n strategy was the same. They sailed from these
\n fiords here, assembled at Trondheim and wated for
\n the strong north-easterly winds to blow their oaken
\n galleys to England whence they sailed on May 23rd.
\n Once in Bromley they assembled in the Green Midget
\n cafe and spam selecting a spam particular spam item
\n from the spam menu would spam, spam, spam, spam,
\n spam…
\nVikings: Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam … lovely
\n spam, wonderful spam … spam, spam, spam, spam,
\n spam … lovely spam, wonderful spam …<\/p>\n
Mr. and Mrs. Bun rise into the air.<\/p>\n
CREDITS ROLL<\/p>\n
Monty Python’s Flying Circus
\n was conceived, written and spam performed by<\/p>\n
Spam Terry Jones
\n Michael Spam Palin
\n John Spam Cleese
\n Graham Spam Spam
\n Spam Chapman
\n Eric Spam egg and Chips Idle
\n Terry Spam Sausage Spam
\n Egg Spam Gilliam
\n Also Appearing On Toast
\n The Fred Tomlinson Spam Egg Chips And Singers
\n Research Patricia Houlihan and Sausage
\n Make-Up Penny Penny Penny and Spam Norton
\n Costumes Egg Baked Beans Sausage And Tomato, Oh,
\n And Hazer Pethig Too
\n Animations By Terry (Egg On Face) Gilliam
\n Film Cameraman James (Spam Sausage Egg And Tomato)
\n Balfour (Not Sundays)
\n Film Editor Ray (Fried Slice and Golden Three Delicious
\n Millichope (Spam Extra)
\n Sound Chips Sausage Liverwurse, pheasant, spam
\n newsagents, chips, and Peter Rose
\n Lighting Otis (Spam’s Off Dear) Eddy
\n Designer Robert Robert Robert Robert Berk And Tomato
\n Produced By Ian (mixed Grill) Macnaughton 7\/6d
\n BBC SPAM TV
\n Service Not Included<\/p>\n
“Here is my list of demands.”<\/p>\n
“I’m sorry, but plutonium is kinda hard to find.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, that. You can just substitute Spam!”<\/p>\n
-Night Court<\/p>\n
Spamalope: “Fast as fast can be, no one will DARE to
\nEAT ME!”
\n – Mix Of The Far Side And Raphael
\n Dareau’s Parody Of A Famous Phrase
\n On America’s Funniest People.<\/p>\n
“Isn’t it true that the state of Nebraska is entirely
\nmade up of Spam?”
\n – Dave Barry, Bangor Daily News.<\/p>\n
BACK TO NOVA<\/p>\n
Laecretius, a fine and powerful sorcerer, was running
\nlevel 14 in Avatar, roasting and toasting monsters like all
\nfine young sorcerers do, and was having fun making the
\nmillions that he usually does, when all of a sudden he ran
\ninto something called Ninja. Ninja did not appreciate
\nLaecretius teleporting into his room and awakening him from
\nhis nap, and instantly took out his Ginsu knives and sliced
\nthrough Laecretius like the tin cans in the commercials.
\nLaecretius yelled out “OH SPAM”, fell to the floor, and
\npromptly died. These words that he yelled were echoed around
\nthe walls of the dungeon and were actually amplified so that
\nthe entire dungeon heard his last words before Laecretius’s
\ntotal demise. Within the next few minutes, the conversations
\nbetween warriors, magicians, thieves, etc, were about Spam
\nand it happened so fast that it made people dizzy when they
\nwere finally subjected to the concept. People kept talking
\nabout their favorite items, but they wondered what it would
\nbe like if those particular items were made of Spam, for
\nexample, Helmet Of Spam. However, this topic was not totally
\nliked, as people got sick of it rather quickly and yelled out
\n“No more SPAM!” before they turned off their ability to
\nreceive messages of any kind from any other player of any
\nkind, especially those characters that belonged to Raphael
\nDareau, the creator of the new NovaNET concept.<\/p>\n
As soon as alpert t became involved, KOR and SPAM became
\none and acted like a single unit.<\/p>\n
After the creation of the Spam phrases and the Nova
\nconcept of it, it began to spread at a rate that could not
\nhave been predicted by anyone. It overflowed not only
\nAVATAR, but Nova itself and the local Bangor BBS’s.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far away, Felix stood on the
\nbridge of his Imperial StarShip watching over his dominion.
\nHis executive officer was monitoring the status of the
\nportals of the other universes while Felix sat in his
\nCaptain’s chair for the purpose of looking important. After
\nall, there was not much to do as he had an iron fist over
\nCERL and there was nothing that anyone could do about it.<\/p>\n
Finally, he felt like he should give an order to make
\nhimself look important.<\/p>\n
“Lieutenant Jones, would you please open a hailing
\nfrequency to Grog’s Pizza and have them beam up 21 large
\ngrease bombs to go?”<\/p>\n
“Aye-aye, sir.”<\/p>\n
Suddenly, the red alert alarms came on and a huge vessel
\nappeared and fired. Felix’s Imperial StarShip shook wildly.
\nFelix’s Tactical Officer then announced, “Incoming Vessel
\nfrom the NOVA portal! Sensors indicate it is powered by a
\nimprobability drive!”<\/p>\n
Then pink blobs came out of a torpedo tube of the enemy
\nvessel and began to stick onto the Imperial StarShip.<\/p>\n
“Sensors indicate no damage from the objects, however,
\nthey are creating excess mass on our hull, decreasing our
\nmaneuverability. The objects appear to be made of a Spam
\nlike substance.”<\/p>\n
“Fire all available weapons.”, Felix ordered.<\/p>\n
Powerful weapons lanced out into space but the other
\nships shields absorbed all of the energy quite nicely.<\/p>\n
“Incoming Message from the Enemy Vessel.”<\/p>\n
“On screen.”, Felix said with a sigh.<\/p>\n
“Don’t be alarmed, Mr. Orotony. Be very very afraid.”<\/p>\n
Felix kept firing, hoping that one of his phasers or
\ntorpedoes would knock out Merlin’s main power source, a cup
\nof tea, but all attempts failed. Theo destroyed the Imperial
\nStarShip with a slingshot that was armed with a keg of Spam
\nand Felix’s vessel became a bowl of petunias and they sighed,
\n“Not again!” before being destroyed by the flick of a sperm
\nwhales tail. However, Felix escaped in his trusty pod and
\nheaded back to Magrathea, which is an incredible clone to
\n=pad. With the Spamalope, Merlin kept bombarding the planet
\nwith his Spam missiles and The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The
\nGalaxy, causing CERL to collect a fleet to destroy this
\nnuisance. However, much of CERL was too far away to actually
\nkill this person, so they offered high powers to him if he
\nwas to leave =pad alone. He agreed, but CERL squeezed out of
\nthe agreement, which encouraged Merlin, who was eventually
\njoined by Raphael Dareau and Gecko (Thanatos). However, this
\nportal was the only way to affect CERL and things from NOVA
\ncould not exist long within the alternate universe therefore
\nthe attacks did not maintain themselves.<\/p>\n
However, 21 large pizzas mysteriously appeared within
\nNova on a Thursday.<\/p>\n
Spam found several domains within the NovaNET world. It
\nresided not only in AVATAR and =pad, but it found it’s
\nhomebase within =purgatory, a notesfile that was quite like
\n=pad, but it was locally based by Raphael Dareau and was
\nknown to have been somewhat of a success, as people actually
\nused it. =Pad was the location of the portal that went to
\nCERL, and Merlin frequently slung Spam into the Portal, not
\nonly hitting Felix and his Imperial StarShip, but he hit
\ncountless innocents as well. Then once CERL devised the
\nultimate defense, the Spam Shields and Death Threats, phrases
\nwere tossed out into the portals from sources such as Monty
\nPython’s Flying Circus, The HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy,
\nand Star Trek. The Star Trek itself was not regarded as bad,
\nmore of a sugar coating over the rest of the material that
\ncame through. The Death Threats did not work though, and the
\nSpam Shields eventually eroded under the weight.<\/p>\n
However, the term “slinging” became quite popular, and
\nthe Pro-Spam people became to be known as “The Slingers Of
\nThe Spam.”<\/p>\n
Then things became worse when many slingers were given
\nhigher powers on NovaNET. These higher powers were known as
\n“meauthor”.<\/p>\n
Then a few celebrations occurred. The Thomasrino and
\nMerlin decided to cook a can of Spam at midnight at Merlin’s
\nhouse. The smell quickly engulfed the entire house, causing
\nMerlin’s Parental Unit to be resurrected to a state of
\nconsciousness. She quickly went to the head of the stairs
\nand yelled “What IS that AWFUL smell?” As last report, it
\ntook 3 days to remove the essence of the Spam-Cookathon.<\/p>\n
Months went by. Then the Great Felixmeister, who had
\nrecovered enough funds to rebuild his Imperial StarShip,
\ndecided that he would extend more powers over more of
\nNovaNET. He took firm control of Avatar, and then decided to
\nchange the entire look with the current version at CERL. He
\ncreated monsters in the game that would finish the entire
\ngame, and people made suicide runs to the lowest part of the
\ngame and they quickly got toasted by Astral Traveller or by
\nsome other nasty. (Laecretius got toasted by Scubbi for 2881
\ndamage, which killed him too fast to enable him to yell “Oh
\nSpam.”) Then the game became different in the mass transport
\nfrom CERL to NOVA. However, Spam at this time began to
\noverflow into real-life in the Bangor area of Maine. Murph,
\nSchultz, Winn, and a few others were hit the hardest, as the
\nSlingers Of The Spam visited within their domain, a little
\nplace in Orono called CAPS, a truly marvelous place that you
\nwould not like to see. NOVA overlapped this place, and
\npeople frequently went here to use Nova en masse, creating
\nhuge groups of Characters to go down into the dungeon of
\nAVATAR to make money. One such group was called =zhentarim,
\na group that was in direct competition with =warlond.
\n=Warlond was headed by the mysterious Murphy S\/Umaine, who
\nfor some reason vanished quickly after the Incident in
\nRevelations.<\/p>\n
Murph and Schultz in particular, became quite annoyed at
\nthe visits of The Slingers Of The Spam, and Schultz, who ran
\nthe head-Warlock at the time, announced universally, “NO
\nWARLOCK SHALL EAT SPAM!”, not that they really paid any
\nattention. Murph bombarded the group by asking them: Do you
\nhave any thing else better to do?\/Do you have homes?\/I’ll pay
\nyou $5 if you go home RIGHT NOW. Raphael Dareau retaliated
\nwith Merlin and Gecko acting as shields. However, the CAPS
\ngroup did have hearts, and decided that perhaps that if they
\nrescued these souls from the afterlife when they died in
\nAVATAR, that they might concede to their ideas. This never
\nhappened however.<\/p>\n
Then the Gods Of NovaNET got together in a conference
\nabout the entire ordeal on Nova. They took special attention
\nto the course that the Spam ideals were taking, and they
\ndecided it was much more obtrusive than anything that had
\noccurred. They decided to take action, showing these pitiful
\npeople that they could me much more OBTRUSIVE than anything
\nelse in the world. After they had completed this, they were
\ndelighted with the results. They had made CERL and NOVA one
\nwhole and complete Universe, taking away the breathing Space
\nthat the Slingers Of The Spam had. Besides, this action
\nsaved them $1 million a year, because it was very hard to
\nclean CERL from all the soiling the Slung-Spam had caused
\nthem.<\/p>\n
It was at this time in history that Raphael Dareau
\nto coin the phrase, “I’d like to change your mind…by
\nhitting it with a rock…”<\/p>\n
Then it happened. Judgement Day.<\/p>\n
The Debmeister swooped back down to the Earth and began
\nto attack people again, like the last time, but this time for
\nkeeps. Again, Jim Troutman remained unaffected, as all blows
\nand such things that caused most of the other people on the
\nSystem to die remained ineffective. Indeed, few people
\nremained. Raphael Dareau survived, but barely. Murph, Winn,
\nand Schultz still survived. Leonardo still survives also.
\nThen, Debbe sucked all the ports out of existence, cutting
\nmany contacts. A few of these people had signons, but they
\nhad no way to use them — except for the rare occasion that
\nthe fabric of the local universe wears thin and the Nova
\nuniverse is visible through the crack in the fabric.<\/p>\n
Then Spam slowly began to fizzle out. However, before
\nit lost more of it’s sight, Raphael Dareau, Merlin, and Gecko
\nfound out that Spam Pizza was not wholely bad (Even though
\nGecko wanted his stomach pumped for a second time.), that
\nMerlin’s Parental Unit can be made to evaculate the house
\nquickly and more efficently than ever imagined. The Boy’s
\nlocker room at Orono High School has a piece of Spam hidden
\nin the panels at the top of the ceiling — which has been
\nthere since November 3rd, 1991 (The Rats Haven’t Touched It
\nYet.) — and Gecko had to do this to keep his parents from
\npoking and staring at it all of the time in the freezer.
\nMerlin also discovered a Can Of Spam in a stocking on
\nChristmas morning, which his Mom and his sister thought was
\nhilarious, until Merlin threated to cook it then and there.
\nThe Spam Incident happened at the John Bapst Library, where
\nthree members of the Anti-Spam (Leo, Don and the Sexman) took
\na can of Spam that Raphael Dareau brought in, and threw it
\nacross the entire room, causing the can to split when it hit
\nthe floor, causing a horid smell and mess. The library still
\nsmells like Spam to this day. (And the librarian thinks it
\nis a new wood cleaner.) Gecko has chased several teachers
\naway with just the mentioning of Spam. And finally, the
\nThomasrino has decided to become Anti-Spam.<\/p>\n
However, a prophet on top of King’s Mountain decided
\nthat it was written in the stars that Spam would make a
\ncomeback some day in the near future, that is, if Eloise
\nDaniels doesn’t make it completely as a Cartoon Superhero
\nwith Dan Quayle.<\/p>\n
The Slingers Of The Spam wait for its return…<\/p>\n
However there are those who believe that Spam has
\nchanged into another form. One of thses forms that it is
\nbelieved to had becomed is that of a IBM computer program
\ncalled TriTel. Tritel, however, resembled KOR more than it
\nresembles Spam, but this may not be entirely true. The only
\nreal simularity between Spam and TriTel is that is was made
\nalmost by the same way.<\/p>\n
M.G. was working on his latest BBS program, which for
\nsome reason did not seem to be working at the time, but he
\nspend many sleepless nights working on this program, a
\nsupposed replacement for many BBS types. However, after many
\ntimes debugging the program, he finally was satified with the
\npackage. It was at this time that he and Mutant Slime
\ndecided it was time to give the program life. M.G. placed
\nthe TriTel disk on a bench, and put electrical wires on the
\ndisk and clamped them to the media. Then after clearing the
\nimmediate area, Mark threw a huge switch, causing electricity
\nfrom Bangor Hydro to flow into the disk. Then the disk began
\nto move and Mutant Slime announced, “It’s ALIVE!!”<\/p>\n
Indeed, at that point, TriTel was born, and it began to
\nspread in almost the same exact way as Spam did, but on a
\ngrander scale. Within 2 months, people in Europe heard about
\nTriTel and began to use it. But unlike Spam, TriTel’s growth
\ndid not reach the “deadly plateau”, but it kept growing.
\nHowever, people decided that TriTel was not wholely KOR, as
\nit is editable, unlike KOR.<\/p>\n
Several recipies were made involving triTel, but to
\nconserve space, we ask that you look at “How To Eat TriTel”,
\nwritten by the same author as this publication.<\/p>\n
Or was it?<\/p>\n
If you hate these texts, you probabally won’t like these
\nones either:<\/p>\n
y The Story Of Spam
\ny The Story Of Spam, Volume 2
\ny The Story Of Spam, Volume 3
\ny How To Eat TriTel
\ny Story Of TriTel
\ny Adventures Of Eloise Daniels the HEROINE.<\/p>\n
