ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD?
\n3The Story Of Spam – Volume Two3
\n@DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY<\/p>\n
This is the story of Spam as remembered from a time not
\nso long ago…And this is how it all began…<\/p>\n
One day in a multi-player game called Avatar,
\nLaecretius, a fine and powerful sorcerer was running one of
\nthe lower levels of the game and roasting and toasting
\nmonsteres like all fine young sorcerers do. Then he ran into
\nNinja — which instantly trashed Laecretius. However, before
\ndying, Laecretius managed to utter “OH SPAM!” before hitting
\nthe floor. All those in the game heard this cry; although
\nthey were completely caught off guard, they managed to adapt
\nand began to spread the legend of Spam. It went through many
\nchanges of its form within that day from “Wand Of Spam” all
\nthe way to “You were teleported in solid SPAM” were heard.
\nPretty soon, chaos broke out in Avatar as characters began to
\nyell out their favorite Avatar items — and briefly mentioned
\nthat they were made of Spam such as “Helmet Of Spam” and
\n“Spam Bracers”. Soon after three hours of this, the people
\nwho played the game seriously began to become very annoyed
\nand uttered, “No MORE SPAM!” before turning off the ability
\nto recieve the messages from other players. Although this
\nstopped the Spam slinging for the day…it did not stop it.
\nIn fact, the slinging of the Spam just had begun. It
\ncontinued in Avatar upon unsuspecting characters and players
\nand in several notesfile. Soon, even the great Felixmeister
\nbegan to hear of the Legend Of Spam, and as soon as that
\nhappened, it was confirmed that Nova began to reproduce the
\nluncheon meat.<\/p>\n
Then Felixmeister the Great zapped the great Avatar game
\nfrom existance and put in a so called “new and improved”
\nversion of the game — and when he deleted the game, he took
\nthe characters that we knew and loved with it. However, this
\ndid not cause the death of the Legend Of Spam. It continued
\nto spread via the famous words of Raphael Dareau, Crunch,
\nMerlin, AIESHA, HAMMERCROM, Irongrond, Beth. All the others
\nthat slung the spam are just insignifigant. Soon the game of
\nAvatar Mark II began to immediately fill with Spam. It
\nfilled up so much it overflowed into other games and other
\nNovaNET groups such as NHS and RVELKS. Soon all of
\nCherryfield, Maine, and Springerville, Arizona, heard of Spam
\nvia a legendary program called TalkLine, written by none
\nother than Raphael Dareau and Merlin. TalkLine, in
\ncombination with it’s notesfile =purgatory, made Spam history
\nas it began to spread faster than anyone expected. Merlin
\ncreated the notesfile =spam and linked it with =purgatory.
\nPretty soon Spam overflowed TalkLine, =purgatory, and =spam
\nand went straight for the heart of =pad.<\/p>\n
=Pad is considered to be the most important and most
\nread notesfile in existance on NovaNET. And Spam began to
\nspread through there faster than a lawyer goes to a scene of
\nan accident. Pretty soon, it became a everyday occurance for
\nMerlin to sling Spam at the great Felixmeister — who
\nregretted every minute of it. Pretty soon everyone in =pad
\ngot annoyed at Merlin’s Spam slinging and Felix’s general
\nattempts at just being obtrusive back at Merin — but the
\nwhole situation became even worse when Merlin and Crunch
\nbegan to post the entire novel “The HitchHiker’s Guide To The
\nGalaxy”. And as =pad was being filled, it became much worse
\non Avatar. Avatar was soaked with Spam, and half the
\npopulation of the game regretted hearing the word of Spam —
\nand this broke the entire game into factions — The Slingers
\nOf The Spam, The Neutral Luncheon Meat, and the Anti-Spam.
\nThe leaders of the Anti-Spam were jude\/mainei and The Lipless
\nOne, who declared from his non-existant lips, “No Warlock
\nShall Eat Spam.” This brought on a series of events such as
\nfrequent trips to CAPS, the place at the UM where NovaNETers
\nhung around. Merlin just went there to bother the great
\nLipless one as well as Crunch and Raphael Dareau on occasion.
\nSoon, in a fit of agony, the Lipless One yelled out at 3 in
\nthe morning, “Who in the HELL started this SPAM STUFF?”
\nRaphael Dareau and Merlin remained silent while Crunch had
\ndisappeared within the Avatar dungeon in a desperate attempt
\nto escape. Raphael Dareau just grinned brillantly and
\ncontined to spread his creation through Epigoni, the new
\nleader of the Spam Slingers. Pretty soon people began to
\nbribe the Slingers Of The Spam with High Powered Signons,
\nwhich did not work, and it eventually lead to death threats
\nfrom the people of CERL.<\/p>\n
However, this was all temporary — About 3 months later
\nthe Debmeister came out of her own universe and sucked all
\nthe NovaNET ports from existance — causing a chain reaction
\nthat caused the eventual collapse of the universe in Bangor,
\nMaine. Even though CAPS still exists it became a barren
\nwasteland. However, frequent collisions with the NovaNET
\nsystem do occur there through the semi-godly powers of
\nMerlin.<\/p>\n
However, since the universe in Bangor was a barren
\nwasteland, The Slingers Of The Spam began to spread Spam in a
\nentirely new fashion — Through the uses of local BBS systems
\nand NETs which send messages to other people in the United
\nStates. Soon Raphael Dareau, Merlin and Crunch “The Gold Is
\nIn Your Eat But It Doesn’t Melt In Your Hands” began to
\nspread it through the Local BBS’s starting with Pinnacle Club
\nII and James Bond Hideaway. And after a period of time from
\nwhich the local universe itself was bombarded with the
\nconcept of Spam, people began to use aliases such as
\n“SpamMan” and more interesting phrases were created such as
\n“It is Raph, the SpamMan with all the answers,” “Eat Your
\nSpam, Little Boy” which eventually transformed into “Eat Your
\nTriTel, Little Boy”, but that will become a entirely
\ndifferent story (read The Story Of TriTel by Raphael Dareau).<\/p>\n
Pretty soon Balzac came into the picture and with him
\ncame a whole new collection of BBS’s to spread the legend of
\nSpam. The great one, called Electra Byte BBS, became Spam
\nCentral as it was like Avatar in many ways — multiuser!
\nPeople there got tired of Spam and shut the messages from The
\nSlingers Of The Spam off, all except the few who would
\nactually listen.<\/p>\n
And it was now that the Nationally Famous Spam Festival
\nin Minnesota took place. However, none of the Slingers Of
\nThe Spams had enough funding to attend, but they were there
\nin their soul, wishing they could have been in the Spam
\nSculpting Contest.<\/p>\n
And then Spam split in two and began to spread in
\ndifferent directions.<\/p>\n
One branch went to Orono High School and another went to
\nJohn Bapst Memorial High School. Raphael Dareau, a well
\nknown person there, began to spread it amoung his fellow
\ncomrades. Half of them hated the entire concept and became
\nthe Anti-Spam. A few joined The Neutral Luncheon Meat and
\nchanged their name to just “Vienna Sausages” while Raphael
\nDareau and Mike “The Gavmeister” became the eventual leaders
\nof the Spam inside the school community. Leo, Don and the
\nSexman headed the leadership of the Anti-Spam while the
\nVienna Sausage just became like a socialist society within
\nthe John Bapst System.<\/p>\n
This finally led to the Spam Incident, in which case
\nRaphael Dareau brought in a can of Spam at a local
\ntournament. The Anti-Spam basically called foul, broke open
\nthe can of Spam, and engulfed the library with its odor. The
\nSlingers Of The Spam immediately called sacrilidge and began
\nto worship the Spam before a kind person decided to clean it
\nup before it rotted.<\/p>\n
Back to other news, Crunch and Merlin spread it around
\nOrono High School and not much is known about what is
\nhappening there — although the rumor of a teacher running
\nhysterically out of a classroom after Crunch bombareded her
\nwith Spam in class…..However, the situation there is
\nbecoming worse as factions within the school is beginning to
\nshow. The organization of the Anti-Spam appears to be
\nrevolving around someone called The Thomasrino.<\/p>\n
However, our story does not end here. Raphael Dareau
\nand “Gav” still control the Slingers Of The Spam, Crunch and
\nMerlin continue spreading it through their school and other
\ncomputer networks. The last recorded event in Spam history
\nwas that Merlin cooked a can of Spam at 12am one fine day and
\nwoke his Mom up with the odor. She was not a happy camper.
\nCrunch finally began running a BBS that slings Spam freshly
\nevery night. However, Raphael Dareau, Merlin, and Crunch (as
\nwell as Balzac) continue to spread the legend. They continue
\nto find other computer networks — and you are sure if they
\nenter a computer network — Spam will follow them in and
\ncontaminate the network.<\/p>\n
THE END<\/p>\n
