SNUFF IT<\/p>\n
The Quarterly Magazine of the Church of Euthanasia<\/p>\n
EDITORIAL<\/p>\n
Greetings, dear reader, and welcome to the first issue of Snuff It, the
\nquarterly magazine of the Church of Euthanasia. Just in case you’re not
\nalready a member of the church, I’ll take this opportunity to explain our
\ntheology. The church has four core principles, or “pillars”, and they are
\n(drum roll please) suicide, abortion, cannibalism, and sodomy. Now, you may
\nask yourself, why do we support these things? What do they all have in common?
\nYes, of course they’re all good fun, but the real answer is that they all help
\nreduce the population.
\n An article that appeared in the Boston Globe on March 5 revealed that the
\nworld’s population, currently 5.7 billion, will reach 8 billion by the year
\n2020. Undersecretary of state Timothy Wirth was quoted as saying that two
\nbillion people don’t get enough to eat, and another 500 million go to bed
\nhungry. “Over the next 35 to 40 years, we need to triple the amount of food in
\nthe world,” Wirth said. “But there’s no more arable land, and the water supply
\nisn’t growing.”
\n The scientific consensus is that if the world’s population continues to
\nincrease at its current rate, and if the industrial nations, particularly the
\nUnited States, continue to blindly exhaust and pollute the planet to feed their
\nlimitless economic growth, the Earth’s ecosystem will gradually collapse,
\ncausing famine, disease and war on an unimaginable scale. With these
\nprospects, suicide will become an increasingly sane, heroic, and even
\nfashionable alternative.
\n Since Americans consume and pollute so much more than everyone else, it
\nseems logical that we should be the first to go. Every imaginable resource is
\nextracted from the Earth by slave labor, and transported to our shopping malls
\nso that we can live in luxury. Our media provides us with constant diversion,
\nwhile insulating us from any responsibility for our ecosystem. We are
\nthoroughly indoctrinated and believe we are highly civilized. Apparently we
\nmeasure civilization by how far away we can transport our dung. Why do we hate
\nour dung so?
\n In an earlier period of history many of us feared our species would be
\ndestroyed by nuclear war. In 1948, a zoologist named Fairfield Osborn
\ncorrectly predicted that the primary threat to our species was topsoil
\ndepletion. He calculated that two and one-half acres of average topsoil are
\nrequired to sustain one human, and further observed that if our planet’s less
\nthan four billion acres of topsoil were divided by our population of two
\nbillion at most two acres were available.
\n In the subsequent period we have permitted our population to more than
\ndouble. Our rate of topsoil erosion continues to increase, and we are rapidly
\ncontaminating what remains with toxic chemicals. Already entire nations have
\nbecome uninhabitable deserts. Their populations flee, or are left kill each
\nother and die of starvation, as recent events in Somalia and Ethiopia
\nillustrate. It is truly ironic that the earliest known human remains have been
\ndiscovered in Ethiopia. To look at Ethiopia today is to look at our future.
\nOur species faces extinction.
\n What, dear reader, can YOU do? Well, first of all, you can KEEP READING,
\nand second, you can JOIN the Church of Euthanasia! Be part of the solution!
\nWrite to us! Send us articles! Send us MONEY! Until next time…<\/p>\n
SNUFF IT is the quarterly publication of the Church of Euthanasia, a
\nnot-for-profit corporation chartered in the state of Delaware. Box 261,
\nSomerville, MA 02143. Editor: Chris Korda.<\/p>\n
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR<\/p>\n
Dear Editor,<\/p>\n
After our war in Iraq, Stephen Hess of the Brookings Institute commented that
\n“Bill Clinton needed to be a patriot” because he avoided service in Vietnam.
\nAm I the only one who finds Clinton’s “patriotism” repulsive? As with Vietnam,
\nthe media was quick to criticize the president’s action, but only on tactical
\ngrounds. The war left “tyranny intact”, and the Boston Globe called for Bill
\nClinton to help “the Iraqi people overthrow their tyrant”. If I publicly
\ncalled for the American people to overthrow Bill Clinton, I would be arrested
\nfor sedition!
\n The average American consumes roughly 100 times the resources of one
\ntribeswoman in Kenya, and about ten times as much as the average world citizen.
\nHarvard zoologist E.O. Wilson has calculated that if the rest of the Earth
\nused resources at the rate the United States and Japan do, the planet could
\nsustain a population of only 200 million. The United States directly supports
\ntyrants all over the world, so long as they allow us to exploit their
\nresources. Like the Mafia, we make examples out of both Vietnam and Iraq
\nbecause they refuse to play along.
\n The media concentrates our “patriotism” on these few tyrants who are
\nfoolish enough to oppose us, in order to raise public support for punishing or
\nkilling them. The “useful” tyrants are ignored if possible, or if necessary,
\ntheir hideous crimes are reported as mysterious “civil wars”. The Globe
\nrecently lamented that “the world paid little heed…as Indonesian troops
\nkilled thousands of separatists” in Timor without even mentioning that this
\nslaughter was paid for almost entirely by United States taxpayers through
\ndirect military aid!<\/p>\n
-Noam Chomsky, Rm 20D-219, MIT, Cambridge, MA 02139<\/p>\n
I couldn’t have put it better myself! -Ed.<\/p>\n
Sirs:<\/p>\n
What kind of “church” promotes death? The New Testament meaning of the word
\nchurch denotes an organized community acknowledging the Lord Jesus Christ as
\ntheir supreme ruler, and meeting statedly or as opportunities offer for
\nreligious worship. The purpose for Christ’s coming to earth was to bring life.
\nGod is life, and God is love. That is why your use of the word church in
\nconnection with terms such as euthanasia and suicide is a contradiction in
\nterminology. As a mother and grandmother I appeal to you to cease distribution
\nof bumper stickers and other propaganda that promotes death.<\/p>\n
-Shirley Spencer, Box 12609, Oklahoma City, OK 73157<\/p>\n
It’s dinner time! Send us your virgins! -Ed.<\/p>\n
THE OCTOPUS<\/p>\n
Here in the United States, you are under constant surveillance. The computers
\nof the National Security Agency routinely monitor all domestic and
\ninternational communications. Transmissions containing certain combinations of
\nkey words are recorded and carefully scrutinized. There is now substantial
\nevidence that “octopus” is one of those words.
\n Far away, turbines the size of houses are spinning. They are the
\nglistening heart of the octopus. Millions of miles of high tension lines march
\nacross the countryside, the veins and arteries, carrying the precious blood to
\nmillions of faceless apartment buildings, crumbling brownstones, rotting wooden
\nhouses covered with vinyl, and suburban homes all exactly alike. The
\ncapillaries bring blood to the skin, smooth white walls with plenty of outlets.
\nListen to the hum of the octopus.
\n The octopus wraps his tentacles around the Earth and feeds hungrily. He
\nrips deep holes in her flesh, and sucks up her sweet essences, water and oil
\nand gas. He piles up her flesh in great mounds, and chews it, swallowing the
\nresources he seeks, spitting out what remains into her rivers and poisoning
\nthem. Her most secret treasures are looted, digested, and excreted. He digs
\npits for his excrement, and they are filled, and still he excretes more.
\n You are herded into trains and buses like cattle, or sit for hours in tiny
\nchariots that belch noxious fumes. You are packed into long rows of identical
\ngrey cubicles, where you twitch your fingers and talk into boxes joined by
\nwires. The boxes talk back, and you talk to each other as if you were in the
\nsame room. The buildings you work in have windows that can never be opened.
\nYour masters fear the air, and rightly so. Breath is life, and their rule is
\ndeath.
\n You return to your cells in darkness, recline on soft cushions, and watch
\nsoothing colored lights on glass screens. Food is transported from all over
\nthe world, prepared by less fortunate slaves, and delivered to you. You
\nexcrete in water closets that empty through labyrinths of pipe into the ocean,
\nand the only hunting you do is for places to park your chariots.
\n War rages in distant lands, though you are no longer permitted to see it on
\nyour screens. The battle over the dwindling resources grows uglier. Whole
\nnations are left to starve, and encouraged to destroy one another. There are
\nriots and looting in your cities, and martial law is declared. Then, for the
\nfirst time, your tallest building is almost destroyed. Your elites begin to
\nfear for their property, and know that only the strongest of them will survive.
\n The octopus clings more tightly as the planet dies. Your bodies become
\nweak, as your water and food grow more poisonous. In the summer the air is
\nunbreathable and you are warned to stay inside. Soon there are shortages, and
\neven you go hungry. Your leaders lose control, and fight each other. The
\nholes in your atmosphere expand, and there are oxygen wars. The octopus
\nempties the Earth, and her surface begins to collapse, causing tremendous
\nearthquakes. Waves wash over your cities as your continent sinks.
\n Only the simultaneous enlightenment of your entire species can prevent
\nthis. You are the eyes of the world and the crown of creation. Surrender,
\nbefore it is too late, and slay the octopus. You cannot possibly win your war
\nwith the Earth.<\/p>\n
You
\nAre the crown of creation
\nAnd you’ve got no place to go
\nSoon
\nYou will attain the stability you strive for
\nIn the only way that it’s granted
\nIn a place among the fossils
\nOf our time<\/p>\n
-The Jefferson Airplane<\/p>\n
GLOOM AND DOOM<\/p>\n
In the seconds it takes you to read this sentence, 24 people will be added to
\nthe Earth’s population.<\/p>\n
Before you’ve finished this paragraph, that number will reach 1000. Within an
\nhour…11,100. By day’s end…260,000.<\/p>\n
Before you go to bed two nights from now, the net growth in human numbers will
\nbe enough
\nto fill a city the size of San Francisco.<\/p>\n
It took four million years for humanity to reach the 2 billion mark. Only 30
\nyears to add a third billion. And now we’re increasing by 95 million every
\nsingle year.<\/p>\n
No wonder they call it the human race.<\/p>\n
Source: Zero Population Growth
\n1400 16th Street NW, Suite 320, Washington, DC 20036<\/p>\n
If current trends continue, world population, currently at 5.5 billion, will
\nnearly triple to 14 billion within the next century. Moreover, new Census
\nBureau projections show that the U.S. population will likely increase by 50
\npercent in only 57 years — from 256 in 1992 to 383 million in 2050. Although
\nthe United States is home to only 5 percent of the world’s population, we are
\nresponsible for using 23 percent of the world’s commercial energy, for
\nproducing more garbage than any country in the world, and for generating about
\n21 percent of the world’s total carbon dioxide emissions — the major
\ncontributing gas to global warming.<\/p>\n
Source: Zero Population Growth
\n1400 16th Street NW, Suite 320, Washington, DC 20036<\/p>\n
“Unless the world gets on top of the population explosion, we’re never going to
\nsolve any of the other problems.”<\/p>\n
-Rep. Joseph P. Kennedy<\/p>\n
We starve, look
\nAt one another, short of breath
\nWalking proudly in our winter coats
\nWearing smells from laboratories
\nFacing a dying nation
\nOf moving paper fantasies
\nListening for the new told lies
\nWith supreme visions of lonely tunes<\/p>\n
-Hair<\/p>\n
BIODIVERSITY<\/p>\n
Biodiversity reduction is accelerating today largely through the
\ndestruction of natural habitats. Because of the latitudinal diversity
\ngradient, the greatest loss occurs in tropical moist forests (rain forests) and
\ncoral reefs. The rate of loss of rain forests, down to approximately 55% of
\ntheir original cover, was in 1989 almost double that in 1979. Roughly 1.8% of
\nthe remaining forests are disappearing per year.
\n If current rates of clearing are continued, one-quarter or more of the
\nspecies of organisms on Earth will eliminated within 50 years–and even that
\npessimistic estimate might be conservative. Moreover, for the first time in
\ngeologic history, plants are being extinguished in large numbers.
\n Since the overwhelming majority (possibly more than 90%) of species now
\nexists on land, the 40% human appropriation there alone shows why there is an
\nextinction crisis. Furthermore, the human population is projected to double in
\nthe next half-century or so–to more than 10 billion people. Most ominous of
\nall, the widely admired Brundtland Report speaks of a five- to tenfold increase
\nin global economic activity needed during that period to meet the demands and
\naspirations of that exploding population.
\n The loss of biodiversity should be of concern to everyone. Because Homo
\nSapiens is the dominant species on Earth, we and many others think that people
\nhave an absolute responsibility to protect what are our only known living
\ncompanions in the universe.<\/p>\n
-Excerpted from an article called Biodiversity Studies: Science and Policy by
\nHarvard zoologists Paul R. Erlich and Edward O. Wilson.<\/p>\n
“Without firing a shot, we will kill one-fifth of all species of life on this
\nplanet in the next 20 years.”<\/p>\n
-Russell E. Train, World Wildlife Fund<\/p>\n
I viddied what I had to do…
\nand that was to do myself in, to snuff it.<\/p>\n
-A Clockwork Orange<\/p>\n
ASK CHRISSY<\/p>\n
A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to man, nor shall a man wear a
\nwoman’s garment; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the lord.
\n(Deuteronomy 22:5)<\/p>\n
Dear Chrissy,<\/p>\n
I want to get off this crappy planet as soon as possible. I’ve tried to
\noverdose three times now and each time my parents have caught me and had my
\nstomach pumped. The last time they had me committed to a mental hospital.
\nWhat am I doing wrong?<\/p>\n
-Restrained in Richmond<\/p>\n
Dear Restrained,<\/p>\n
First of all, you’re going to have to get yourself out of that dumpy hospital!
\nDo exactly what they say, take your medication, and tell your therapist
\nwhatever he or she wants to hear. As soon as they let you out, run away. Be
\nsure to bring your remaining collection of pills. Head for the most remote
\narea you can find. Deep woods are good, abandoned industrial buildings are
\neven better, but make sure it’s somewhere that no one will think to look.
\nDon’t forget to take the pills on an empty stomach, or you’ll be waking up in a
\npuddle of barf. If you want anyone to find you afterwards, mail them a letter
\nwith directions on the way there. Better luck next time!<\/p>\n
THE STATE OF SHIT<\/p>\n
It has been fairly well understood for some time now that matter and energy
\nare interchangeable forms of the same thing. Or as pastor Val is fond of
\nsaying, everything has the properties of both particles and waves. Neither can
\nbe destroyed, and it is widely believed that our universe is composed only of
\nthese two substances, perpetually changing into one another. In keeping with
\nancient Hindu tradition, we call the thing which matter and energy are two
\ndifferent forms of “shit.” Shit exists as particles and waves. The universe
\nis shit in space.
\n Gravity is the tendency of shit to attract shit. But how does this work,
\nyou ask? What is the mechanism? Is it a particle or a wave? Neither,
\nsmarty-pants! Gravity is a property of shit. Shit compresses and distorts
\ndimensional space, including time. Two shits attract one another, by
\ncompressing the so-called “fabric” of dimensional space between them. This is
\nnot unheard of in physics, and is known as continuum theory.
\n The universe exists in an unknown number of dimensions, and is infinite in
\nall of them. Imagine everything sliced into two-dimensional planes like a
\nsalami. Each plane is an infinite flat universe of its own. A party in our
\nuniverse may keep folks awake in any number of flat universes that happen to
\nintersect it. In addition, an hassle in a flat universe might not be a hassle
\nin ours. Suppose a flat universe happens to intersect the great wall of China.
\nA flat inhabitant has no choice but to go around the wall. This is referred to
\nin the I Ching as “tough luck”. But what if a flat Genghis Khan could
\ntemporarily jump into the third dimension? He could hop over the flat wall,
\nreturn to his own dimension, and go waste flat Peking.
\n Schools teach you that we inhabit a four-dimensional universe, with time as
\nthe fourth dimension. It would be more accurate to call it a 3D universe. We
\ncan move freely only in the first three dimensions. We are bound to a fixed
\ndirection (forward) and speed (fast) in the fourth. We can only directly
\nperceive the present. The past and the future can be thought of as an infinite
\nnumber of parallel 3D universes which are forever hidden, known to us only by
\nmemory or speculation. We are in exactly the same boat as those poor flat
\nfuckers.
\n If one of us could temporarily escape and move freely in the fourth
\ndimension, seemingly insurmountable obstacles could be easily overcome.
\nSuppose you were locked in a prison cell. You could simply move backwards or
\nforwards in time to a point when the door was unlocked, exit the cell, and
\nreturn to the time you left, free. From the point of view of the astounded
\nguards, you would disappear into and reappear from nowhere.
\n In the same way that 4D reality may contain any number of distinct 3D
\nuniverses frozen in time, the 5D universe contains any number of distinct 4D
\nuniverses, one of which we happen to inhabit. These parallel universes all
\nshare the same shit. The Earth exists in many distinct 4D universes and is
\ninhabited by different species in each one.
\n UFO author Jaques Vallee is correct in maintaining that UFOs are not green
\nmen in spaceships from Alpha Centauri. UFOs are beings capable of movement in
\nat least five dimensions, and mostly from Earth in parallel 4D universes. They
\nmove by using gravitation to distort dimensional space, shrinking or stretching
\nit as necessary. This concept has appeared in science fiction, and was
\nreferred to in Frank Herbert’s Dune trilogy as “folding space.”
\n Physicists generally agree that black holes exist and that they are
\ncomposed of shit, with density approaching the infinite. Typical projections
\nassume the density of thousands of suns in a body the size of Earth.
\nPhysicists say that whole galaxies are rushing towards each other and
\npresumably colliding in a terrible shit-storm to become flies on the black
\nhole’s windshield. The truth is stranger.
\n The black hole’s density increases linearly towards the its center. The
\ncenter is a vertex of infinite density, and since infinite density compresses
\nspace infinitely, dimensional space does not exist at the vertex. The galaxies
\nare not colliding at all. The space between the galaxies is being compressed,
\nuntil the objects arrive at the vertex and are propelled through it into a
\nparallel universe. Suppose the Earth went through a black hole. We might
\nnever notice. Our shit would be shrinking as our space was compressed, but how
\nwould we know? Our rulers would be shrinking too (no pun intended).
\n Imagine I have a tiny, tiny speck of a black hole in a paint jar, and that
\nthe paint jar somehow contains the black hole. The speck weighs more than the
\nsun, but somehow the paint jar isolates it and I can carry the black hole
\naround in my pocket. I might only have to remove the lid of the jar for a
\nbillionth of a second to squirt myself out of the universe like a grapefruit
\nseed! This is how UFOs travel.
\n The discovery that UFOs are actually from Earth explains a variety of
\nmysteries. Why have the UFOs been known to every human society throughout
\nhistory? Because they’ve always been here! Why do they come to Earth when
\nthey have the whole universe to explore? Because they live here! Why are they
\nbeing sighted more and more frequently, in increasingly violent episodes,
\nparticularly near the sites of weapons of mass destruction? Because this is
\ntheir planet too and they don’t like the way we’re treating it! This last
\npoint is especially interesting. Nuclear explosions have an unpleasant effect
\non the Earth in many more dimensions than our own. We are blowing huge fucking
\nholes in someone else’s back yard, and they don’t like it. Our nuclear
\nexperiments seem crude and very dangerous to them, like a small child with a
\nchemistry set. The recent sightings in Brazil suggest that our neighbors are
\npreparing to take more aggressive action to contain us.
\n Interestingly, pastor Val has seen UFOs hanging around new age crystal
\nshows. Why would UFOs be interested in crystals? The so-called “occult”
\nforces are multidimensional influences. Crystals and other riches of the Earth
\nare powerful and desirable in all universes. Good for you, good for them. Bad
\nfor them, BAD FOR YOU!<\/p>\n
BEING UPDATE<\/p>\n
As many of you know, Rev. Korda receives regular communications from the
\n“Being”. These messages arrive via psychic channelling, i.e. voices or
\n“demons” in her head. The Being is a powerful alien intelligence who speaks
\nfor the inhabitants of the planet Earth in various parallel dimensions. One of
\nthe more recent messages instructed her to make a hit record. Rev. Korda has
\nof course faithfully followed those instructions, and the result is the amazing
\n12″ techno single Save The Planet, Kill Yourself recently released on Kevorkian
\nRecords. The lyrics are hereby transcribed word for word, as they were
\nreceived from the Being:<\/p>\n
Greetings.
\nWe are not of this planet.
\nWe do not understand
\nYour strange customs.
\nYour planet’s ecosystem
\nIs failing.
\nYour leaders deny this.
\nExplain.<\/p>\n
Your leaders deny this.
\nYour leaders deny this.
\nYour leaders deny this.
\nYour leaders deny this.<\/p>\n
Why
\nDo your leaders lie to you?
\nWhy
\nDo so many of you believe these lies?
\nExplain
\nYour strange customs.
\nWhy
\nBelieve these lies?<\/p>\n
Save the planet.
\nKill yourself.
\nSave the planet!
\nKill yourself.<\/p>\n
THE BOGGLE FACTOR<\/p>\n
At a party not long ago, someone asked me: “What do you do?” I replied:
\n“I am the warden of Devil’s Island.” A joke, dear reader, and an example of
\nthe boggle factor.
\n There are certain statements which seem inherently unbelievable: “There
\nwas no Holocaust,” for example. “Bill Clinton will lower taxes.” Etc. Etc.
\nHaving established some degree of definition, we now take up the much-discussed
\nmatter of UFO abductions. A Harvard professor, my dear friends, has weighed in
\non the subject. One John E. Mack, M.D., on the staff of The Cambridge
\nHospital, has contributed to the discussion ABDUCTION (Human Encounters With
\nAliens). At the behest of “Snuff It” I have read this book carefully, even
\ntaking detailed notes on the first two chapters. I confess myself much
\nboggled. Take note of the fact that the book costs $22.00 plus tax, and that
\nit is published by Scribners.
\n The status of UFO literature is peculiar. Many books are privately
\npublished, and never reach, or somehow vanish from the commercial publishing
\nscene. Looking over Dr. Mack’s four pages of bibliography, I see many
\nreferences to obscure texts. I also see huge gaps — or so it would appear —
\nin his preparation. There is no mention of the quintessential study The
\nMothman Prophecies by John A. Keel. Also Messengers of Deception, by Jacques
\nVallee, a research report of the highest relevance, seems to have been missed.
\n Dr. Mack’s book does have its points to make, however. I would advise my
\nindulgent friends and readers to set aside some time to visit your local
\nlibrary or bookselling establishment, to take down “Abduction” from the
\nshelves, and to skim over the first two chapters. You will find such
\nobservations as these:
\n Page 9 — “The experience of internalizing what is first perceived as
\nexternal light happens frequently during mystical flashes or transcendental
\njourneys that result in spiritual rebirth.”
\n Comment: Spiritual rebirth is a favorite theme of the “abductees” or
\n“experiencers.” Past lives are often explored by the humans together with the
\naliens, so Dr. Mack suggests.
\n Page 20 — “I might be open to the possibility that our consensus framework
\nof reality is too limited and that a phenomenon such as this cannot be
\nexplained within its ontological parameters.”
\n Comment: Dr. Mack almost seems to believe that he is writing a study of
\nontology, “The science or study of being; that department of metaphysics which
\nrelates to the being or essence of things, or to being in the abstract.”
\n(Oxford English Dictionary)
\n To give the author his due, he has done a great deal of work to support his
\nclients and co-investigators, the “experiencers.” There are thirteen chapters
\nof the book devoted to fairly comprehensive accounts of individual cases.
\n One claim of Dr. Mack’s which I would like to challenge is the
\nrepetitiously and vaguely stated view that the aliens, or visitors, or
\ntrans-dimensionals are greatly concerned with the “environment.” While he
\npresents personal statements to reflect this view, he cites no credible study
\nwhich supports such a notion. There is no mention of such obviously important
\nmatters as: (1) soil erosion, (2) oxygen-exchanging organisms, (3)
\nnon-polluting energy generators, (4) wasteful over-consumption, etc.
\n If the reader is intrigued by this concept of human\/alien interaction
\n(using the terms on the cover of the book), then go ahead and read also David
\nJacobs’ SECRET LIFE: Firsthand Accounts of UFO Abductions. Maybe even track
\ndown Leah Haley’s “Lost Was The Key” or Whitley Strieber’s “Communion Letter.”
\nThe reader will find a range of views wider than those expressed by Dr. Mack.
\n Let me conclude this review with a brief summary of a recent report on a
\nstudy by the Environmental Protection Agency, a department of the wonderfully
\nresourceful and much-respected United States government. I am borrowing from
\nan article by Richard Sauder in the recent “UFO, a forum on extraordinary
\ntheories and phenomena” Vol. 9, No. 2 1994.
\n Sauder cites a document: “U.S. Congress, Office of Technology Assessment,
\nThe Containment of Underground Nuclear Explosions, OTA-ISC-414 (Washington, DC:
\nUS Government Printing Office, October, 1989).
\n “What can be said for certain is that in recent years the United States
\ngovernment has had an extensive human and animal surveillance and monitoring
\nprogram…” This program has one of its principal bases near the Nevada Test
\nSite, (*see note) at the Environmental Systems Monitoring Laboratory at U. of
\nNevada-Las Vegas. The human tests include a “whole-body count.”
\n By coincidence your reviewer has had several whole-body count tests
\nperformed upon his person at M.I.T., under the auspices of the Nutrition
\nDepartment. These tests involve removing all clothing, donning sterile
\ngarments, and sitting quite still inside a concrete box for 15 plus minutes.
\nOh yes, you must drink some radio-nuclide fluid (just a few cc’s) some time
\nbefore the test.
\n Well, readers and friends and associates, I have tried to spare you as much
\nboggling as I could. I hope that these two pages have not been a waste of your
\ntime. As for Dr. Mack’s book, I would definitely recommend that you wait for
\nthe paperback edition, or procure a copy from the library. I spent the $22.00
\nplus tax, and quite frankly, I doubt that it’s worth more than $5.00.
\n— C.G.Dover
\n NOTE: Jonathan Parfrey reports in “Turning Wheel” (The Journal of the
\nBuddhist Peace Fellowship, Berkeley, CA, Winter 1994): “One hundred
\natmospheric tests were conducted at the Nevada Test Site from 1951 to 1963,
\nemitting over 12,000,000,000 curies of radiation. Chernobyl, by contrast,
\nreleased 81,000 curies.<\/p>\n
THE CHURCH GETS THE LAST LAUGH<\/p>\n
On Saturday, April 30, several New England anti-vivisection organizations
\nconverged on Boston University for a march to Harvard Square. The Church of
\nEuthanasia was there, and the surf was definitely up. The church delegation
\nincluded pastor Kim, sister Catherine, sister Laura, brother Dennis, and of
\ncourse Rev. Korda. Though they were heavily outnumbered by the crowd of
\nroughly two hundred marchers, they did have the advantage of surprise. They
\narrived carrying signs that read “Stop Animal Testing”, “Boycott Gillette”, and
\n“Save The Whales.” The marchers had no way of knowing that these were in fact
\nspecially constructed “trick” signs, each consisting of an “inner” sign,
\nconcealed by an easily removable “outer” sign. The church had correctly
\nassumed that security would be tight and that camouflage would be necessary.
\nThe crowd was actively monitored by at least twenty yellow-capped members of
\nCEASE (Citizens to End Animal Suffering and Exploitation), many of them
\ncarrying walkie-talkies and megaphones. The yellow caps were joined by a
\ncontingent of very silly-looking B.U. cops in spandex tights on bicycles.
\nAfter a long and completely unintelligible speech, the crowd formed into a line
\nand the march began.
\n Just outside Kenmore Square, pastor Kim broke the ice and unveiled a six
\nfoot tall wooden cross. Four naked baby dolls with bloody fingers and mouths
\nhung from the crosspiece, and in the middle of the cross a small stuffed rabbit
\nwas crucified. The nearest yellow cap immediately attached herself to pastor
\nKim like a barnacle. She apparently assumed she was dealing with an isolated
\nlunatic, and repeatedly praised his “Save The Whales” sign, while urging him to
\nabandon the cross. Pastor Kim kept her at bay with an extremely lucid and
\npersistent explanation of church theology. Meanwhile the march arrived in
\nKenmore Square, and the trick signs were uncloaked. Rev. Korda now led the
\ndelegation, carrying the “Kill Your Fetus, Not Your Pet” sign, followed by
\nsister Laura carrying “Eat People Not Animals.” Pastor Kim brought up the rear
\nwith “Save The Planet, Kill Yourself” and the carnivorous babies.
\n About halfway across the Mass. Ave bridge, a Boston police officer grabbed
\nRev. Korda by the elbow and dragged her out of the march for questioning. The
\nRev. was unable to produce any identification, as usual. She was also carrying
\nMace without an FID card, and the officer was preparing to arrest her when
\nsister Catherine showed up with the video camera. The air was soon filled with
\nthe sweet smell of frying bacon, and the Rev. resumed marching, now surrounded
\nby a rapidly growing crowd of admirers. The yellow caps were forced to do
\ntheir dirty work themselves. The march paused to demonstrate on the steps of
\nMIT, the yellow caps surrounded the church delegation, and a bitter
\nconfrontation ensued. The church was finally forced out of the march, despite
\nangry protests from many of the marchers. Interviews in Harvard Square after
\nthe rally revealed that more than half of the marchers had supported the
\nchurch, and that they had lost all respect for their organizers.<\/p>\n
THE POLICE ARE YOUR FRIENDS<\/p>\n
On April 15, Rev. Korda was very nearly arrested behind the Somerville police
\nstation. She had just stuck a Save The Planet, Kill Yourself sticker on the
\nrear bumper of a shiny new police cruiser, and was focusing her 35mm camera
\nwhen the sergeant walked out the back door. Rev. Korda rushed over to the car
\nand managed to remove the sticker, but too late. “You! What are you doing?”
\nyelled the sergeant.
\n“Nothing,” replied Korda, a firm believer in lying to the police.
\n“Did you put that sticker on that car?”
\n“No!”
\n“Well that’s funny, because I just saw you do it!”
\n“Okay, I did it, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, it was just a prank, I’ll never
\ndo it again!”
\n“Uh huh. You got any ID on you?”
\n“No.”
\n“What’s your name?”
\n“Chris Linden.”
\n“Where do you live?”
\n“On Central street.”
\nThe sergeant unzipped his jacket and whipped out his radio. “Ah, we got a girl
\nout here acting in suspicious manner, says her name is Chris Linden, you show
\nanyone by that name on Central street?” After a long pause, the radio answered
\n“Ah, we don’t show anyone one by that name, over.”
\nBy this point two other officers had joined the sergeant, and they proceeded to
\nsearch Rev. Korda, while another officer yelled out the window, “take her
\ncamera, take her camera!” Unfortunately Rev. Korda just happened to be
\ncarrying a notebook with her name and address on it. The sergeant stared at it
\nfor a while, in apparent disbelief.
\n“Your name wouldn’t happen to be Chris Korda, would it?”
\n“Yes, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it, you’re making me nervous, please just
\nlet me go!”
\nThe sergeant lifted his radio again. “Would you believe it? She lied to the
\npolice! Her real name is Chris Korda, see if she has a record.”
\nOne of the other officers, a burly, handsome Irishman with a long handlebar
\nmustache and an enormous cigar, became noticeably excited. “Stick out your
\nwrists!” The officer unbuttoned his handcuffs and slid them onto Rev. Korda’s
\noutstretched wrists. “Oh, these will fit real nice. You better pray to the
\nwarrant god! If you got a warrant you’re spending the weekend in jail! On
\nyour knees! Get down on your knees! Pray to the warrant god!”
\nRev. Korda was happy to oblige, as she quite enjoys being humiliated by beefy
\nmen with big sticks. She got down on her knees in the parking lot, prostrated
\nherself, prayed to the warrant god, begged for forgiveness, and was just about
\nto offer them blowjobs when the radio answered. “Ah, she’s just got a couple
\nof traffic violations, over.”
\nThe sergeant looked visibly disappointed. “Okay, disappear, run!” Rev. Korda
\nstarted walking away, dazed by her incredible good luck. “You’re not running!”
\nShe started running. “Run faster! Run like a rabbit!”<\/p>\n
TURNPIKE DADA<\/p>\n
After many months of careful preparation, as the first light appeared in
\nthe clear skies of Monday, September 13, 1993, Rev. Korda and agent Dan
\nclimbed down from a billboard overlooking the Massachusetts Turnpike and made
\ntheir getaway. A giant black banner with bold white letters that read SAVE THE
\nPLANET KILL YOURSELF hung from the top of the billboard, rippling slightly in
\nthe early morning breeze. For the next 36 hours hundreds of thousands of
\nmotorists were exposed to pure Dada as they approached the Allston\/Cambridge
\nexit. Many of them received long exposures due to the heavy rush hour traffic.
\nWhat thoughts, if any, went through the minds of these hapless motorists? The
\nRev. had originally planned to do “exit” polls at the Allston toll booths, but
\nthis proved too dangerous, so we can only imagine.
\n Naturally, the Rev. returned to scene of the crime later that morning to
\ntake pictures, accompanied by agent Andy and his hand-held video camera. They
\ndrove past the billboard several times. Then agent Andy persuaded the Rev. to
\npull over onto the shoulder in front of the billboard for a better shot. They
\nraised the hood, got out of the car, and were shooting away when the state
\npolice arrived seconds later. Fortunately the Rev. had thought ahead for once
\nand put electrical tape over her SAVE THE PLANET KILL YOURSELF bumper sticker.
\nThey told the pigs everything was okay, ran back to the car, and drove away,
\nfully expecting pursuit, but nothing happened. The Lord was definitely backing
\nthe Church of Euthanasia that morning.<\/p>\n
THE STUPID CLUB
\n Sister Catherine<\/p>\n
A few days after Kurt Cobain’s suicide, his mother, Wendy O’Connor, was quoted
\nas saying “now he’s gone and joined that stupid club,” apparently referring to
\nother stars who died in their prime. Rockers Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and
\nJimi Hendrix, like Cobain, died at the age of twenty-seven, however their
\ndeaths are not considered suicides. Other stars whose deaths are considered
\naccidental include James Dean, Judy Garland, Abbie Hoffman, Marilyn Monroe, and
\nElvis Presley. Are we to believe that these creative, intelligent individuals
\nwere so “stupid” as to ignore that their actions might result in death? Let’s
\ngive credit where credit is due. Let’s respect life-style choices. Their
\ndeaths were not accidental.<\/p>\n
The news media, biographers and other powerful individuals have led us to
\nbelieve that drug overdoses, car accidents, and other misadventures that result
\nin death are accidental, just because there is no suicide note. There is much
\nto be learned from Cobain’s obvious suicide and his note. “I haven’t felt the
\nexcitement of listening to as well as creating music along with really writing
\nsomething for too many years now… I’ve tried everything within my power to
\nappreciate it, and I do. But it’s not enough. I appreciate the fact that I
\nand we have affected and entertained a lot of people… I’m too sensitive…
\nI love and feel for people too much… I’m too much of an erratic, moody
\nperson, and I don’t have the passion anymore, so remember, it’s better to burn
\nout than to fade away.”<\/p>\n
As Cobain’s music spoke for a generation, his note speaks for the
\nnot-so-accidental deaths of many, stars in particular. To attain one’s dreams,
\nespecially at an early age, would most definitely cause most intelligent people
\nto question the quality of life on this planet. One need not be a star to
\nobtain membership in O’Connor’s stupid club. It seems that the main
\nrequirement is an awareness of the diminished quality of life. There presently
\nexists a group that has attained this requirement: the so-called X generation.
\nWe are the first generation this century to know without a doubt that we will
\nnever achieve what our predecessors have, and who is to say that we want to?
\nThe American dream that seemed so attractive to other generations has become a
\nnightmare.<\/p>\n
Kurt Cobain’s only sin was bringing a child into this world. His gift to our
\nworld is his music, and our gift to him is to respect his decision to take his
\nlife. We hope that Frances Bean will be as sensitive and responsible as her
\nfather.<\/p>\n
THE ORDER OF GNOMONS
\n Martinus Vanderberg, Chicago\/Ann Arbor<\/p>\n
A recent work purporting to be “A Novel by Charles Portis” has revealed
\nsome of the lore of the “Masters of Atlantis.” (Alfred A. Knopf. New York.
\n1985) In this brief column I may illuminate a small portion of the significant
\nmeaning. In dealing with the Order of Gnomons one must understand the less
\nthan obvious patterns of the “Gnomon Triangles.” (Illustration) Part of the
\nlost text of “101 Gnomon Facts” may be recovered from Portis’ novel. For
\nexample:<\/p>\n
“We of the Order eschew the Vulgar inclination to make everything clear and
\nsimple.”<\/p>\n
Or: “Avoid the four P’s — the press, politicians, the Pope, and the police.”<\/p>\n
As an historical note, let it suffice to say that the Order of Gnomons
\n[O.G.] were the officials of Atlantis in charge of schedules, geometry, and
\ncoastal patrols. These would naturally evolve in an island nation or riverine
\ncultures. History as commonly known has preserved vestiges of such cultures in
\nEgypt, Mesopotamia & c.
\n Well, friends, or perfect strangers, I leave you with these few tentative
\npostulates. In the next column we will peruse the secret texts of Noah. In
\nthe meantime, you may wish to study Prof. Crossan’s work “The Historical
\nJesus,” Baigent and Leigh’s “The Dead Sea Scrolls Deception,” and\/or a few
\npassages of “THE NEW OXFORD ANNOTATED BIBLE.”
\n Chapters 6 through 11 of Genesis purport to represent the history of the
\nflood, and the legends of the forebears of Abraham. There will be more to say
\non this topic in the next issue. With grateful acknowledgement to Mr. Lamar
\nJimmerson, Master of the Order, and Mr. Morehead Moaler, Sustainer. Also,
\nbest regards to Rev. Korda.<\/p>\n
AN INTERVIEW WITH REV. KORDA
\n Reprinted from Up Magazine<\/p>\n
Up: The platform of the Church of Euthanasia includes suicide, abortion,
\ncannibalism and sodomy. Why did you choose those four things?
\nKorda: Well, first of all we have to establish what they all have in common,
\nand that is of course that they all reduce the human population, which is the
\nprimary goal of the church.
\nUp: And you approve of these four methods?
\nKorda: Well, these are the four that really stand out as being the most useful
\nfor the moment.
\nUp: But you approve of all methods?
\nKorda: We prefer methods that are voluntary. The population is going to get
\nreduced one way or the other. We have a choice between allowing things to
\ncontinue the way they are, in which case natural forces will reduce the
\npopulation for us, with the maximum amount of violence and unpleasantness, or
\nwe can take steps to try and reduce our population voluntarily, through the
\nfour pillars of the church.
\nUp: You’re opposed to involuntary population reduction?
\nKorda: We don’t believe in mass murder. We would prefer to see things done in
\nan orderly and sensible manner, to the extent that that’s still possible. The
\nlonger we delay, the more likely it becomes that there won’t be any sensible
\nsolution. Already we see chaos in our society, spreading out from the cities,
\nand from the United States to the rest of the world. There’s not much time
\nleft. If there’s going to be an orderly solution it needs to be started
\nimmediately.
\nUp: And you’re not just talking about zero population growth, you’re talking
\nabout population reduction.
\nKorda: Absolutely. It’s been well known for some time now that zero
\npopulation growth just isn’t enough, and we haven’t even achieved that. It’s a
\ncommon belief that the United States has already achieved zero population
\ngrowth, when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Our population
\ncontinues to grow, and not just from immigration. In the rest of the world,
\nthe population is growing at an incredible rate. As things become more and
\nmore uncertain, due in large part to the tremendous strain placed on the
\necosystem by the industrial nations, people have less and less confidence that
\ntheir children will survive, so they have more of them. The numbers speak for
\nthemselves. At the current rate, the human population will reach eight billion
\nby 2020, which is well within our lifetimes. It’s just common sense that the
\nEarth’s ecosystem is not going to sustain that population, and that the side
\neffects are going to be famine, disease, war, and chaos on a scale that we
\ncan’t even imagine yet.
\nUp: The apocalypse.
\nKorda: Right.
\nUp: But wouldn’t the apocalypse accomplish your goal?
\nKorda: Actually, no. The apocalypse would involve the destruction of the
\necosystem, and that’s what we’re trying to prevent. There are many groups out
\nthere who support war, particularly nuclear war, as a way of drastically
\nreducing or eliminating the human species. There is no doubt that the process
\nwould be effective, but it would also make vast areas of the Earth unsuitable
\nfor any form of life. What we’re trying to do is put the human species back in
\nbalance with the other species on the planet. We’re trying to prevent the
\napocalypse.
\nUp: Abortion and suicide are obvious. These are responsible decisions that
\npeople can make. Can you be more specific about how sodomy will directly
\naffect the population?
\nKorda: Well, no one ever got pregnant from sodomy.
\nUp: (laughs)
\nKorda: Seriously, why do you think it’s still illegal in most states? We are
\nliving in a society that is almost entirely dominated by heterosexual males.
\nOur government is a patriarchy. Our god is a father figure. There’s been no
\ncheck, no restraint, on male power for hundreds of years, and the results are
\nhorrifying.
\nUp: Why do males behave this way?
\nKorda: It all comes down to biology. The male has approximately six hundred
\nmillion sperm in his body at any given time, and these little guys are jumping
\nup and down in there yelling “let me out, let me out!” By contrast, the female
\nhas one egg. There’s a well known saying that when the dick gets hard, the
\nbrain gets soft, and it’s actually very close to the truth. Men will say
\nanything to get laid. Their sperm makes them crazy.
\nUp: The dreaded sperm buildup!
\nKorda: It’s not just that. Males also lose an enormous amount of energy when
\nthey ejaculate, unlike females, who lose their energy through menstruation.
\nWomen can have orgasms all day long without any problem. This is the principle
\nreason females live longer than males. All of this was well understood in
\ntraditional Asian cultures, where boys were taught sexual yoga to help them
\nretain their semen. In our society, men are encouraged to ejaculate as often
\nas possible, so of course they become weak, and gradually develop deep
\nresentment towards women. This makes them extremely dangerous, and causes
\nsadism and violence. Industrial society is really the male’s attempt to get
\nrevenge for his natural sexual inadequacy by raping the Earth.
\nUp: So you’re opposed to ejaculation?
\nKorda: Yes, but we’re also pragmatic. What we’re saying is, since we have all
\nthese angry men trying to get rid of their sperm, why don’t they get rid of it
\nin each other?
\nUp: But what if they don’t want to be queer?
\nKorda: Women can oblige just as easily. Grease it up. If more guys were
\nfucking asses instead of pussies, the population would drop. That’s the bottom
\nline.
\nUp: (more laughs) Should they wear condoms?
\nKorda: Of course! We’re opposed to all needless suffering, including AIDS.
\nUp: Okay, cannibalism. Are there any restrictions?
\nKorda: Look, we have fifty thousand automobile fatalities per year, and we’re
\nlucky if we recycle a few organs. Perfectly good meat is being buried in the
\nground, or incinerated. That meat should go to straight to McDonald’s. The
\nUnited States wastes vast amounts of energy so that its citizens can eat as
\nmuch meat as they want. It’s just plain dumb. It takes more than seven pounds
\nof grain to create one pound of meat. Read Diet for a Small Planet if you want
\nthe exact figures. There’s no sensible reason why the rest of the world should
\nstarve so that we can eat meat. It’s just another form of cultural decadence.
\nBut the church is realistic. We’re not expecting Americans to stop eating
\nmeat, any more than we’re expecting them to stop ejaculating. If they have to
\neat meat, let’s make sure it’s human meat.
\nUp: Have you researched the nutritional value of human flesh?
\nKorda: There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s good for you, and tasty too. My
\nunderstanding is it tastes rather like pork.
\nUp: Is it true that you’ll be publishing a church cookbook?
\nKorda: There have been rumors to that effect. We’re working on it. The main
\nproblem is testing the recipes.<\/p>\n
HIPPOCRATIC OAFS
\n Pastor Scott<\/p>\n
Life is far too serious a business to be taken seriously, according to many
\nrenowned experts on the subject. Nowhere, it seems, is life taken more
\nseriously than in the courtroom. Indeed, where is any legal case without the
\ncorpus delicti? Let’s examine the body of evidence concerning suicide.
\n Assisted suicide has been a common practice among caring doctors since
\nbefore the time of Hippocrates. Every new doctor takes the Hippocratic oath,
\nto heal and save lives. Many do nose bobs and tummy tucks, but for those who
\nsave lives, death has always been part of the equation.
\n The practice of euthanasia is so widespread, and has such a long history
\nthat the very word “euthanasia” says it best. Derived directly from the Greek,
\nit means “good death.” Surely, Hippocrates and the Greeks believed in death
\nwith honor and the “good death,” concepts they passed on to the heirs of
\nWestern civilization. But times change.
\n It’s said that Constantine adopted Christianity as the Roman state religion
\nafter the Christian God delivered him victory on the battle field, in two very
\ndecisive battles fought to save the Empire. Zeus and the rest of the pantheon
\nhadn’t been delivering victory, so Constantine made the switch. “Dear
\nChristian God, if you only grant me victory in this final and decisive battle
\nto defeat and kill and butcher and rape and maim my rotten and bad-smelling
\nenemies who are after my power, wealth and reputation. . . well, if you just
\ngrant me this, I’ll make you the state religion.”
\n In his infinite wisdom, God granted Constantine victory. Personally I
\ncan’t see it, but I’m sure God had his reasons for doing it at the time. State
\nreligions are nasty little arrangements. If you’ve never had the opportunity
\nto experience one, they work this way: dispute the law, that’s treason;
\ndispute the religion, that’s heresy. The formula works both ways in a vice
\nversa manner; either way, you get put to death.
\n It would seem that suicide would make a neat exit from the church-state
\ndouble bind, and it would, except for one person: Judas, that weasel bastard,
\nthe first traitor of the Christian faith. It wouldn’t have been any big deal,
\nespecially for Christ, who seemed to be particularly forgiving of being
\nbetrayed to the Roman legion. It’s just that Judas had to go and kill himself
\nwith a rope. For Judas, it was a direct trip to hell. Do not pass go. Do not
\ncollect $200. So, under a state-run religion, if the state doesn’t catch you
\nat being bad, when you do go, you’re headed South anyway, at least according to
\nthe magistrates, rule makers, and scribes. You could say that Judas forever
\ntarnished the public’s perception of suicide.
\n Now, only six dirty years from the next millennium, the state is trying to
\nre-legislate the laws concerning suicide. True, we do not have a state-run
\nreligion. It’s just that the major religious sects have major lobbying
\nefforts. They’ve got the lawyers with the huge expense accounts. Indeed,
\nthere’s an awful lot of money involved on both sides, and there’s the rub.
\n With roughly 15% of the GNP devoted to the health care of an aging
\npopulation, with malpractice suits sending insurance rates through the roof,
\nand with the specter of super-regulated national health care scaring the
\nchildren when you turn off the lights. . . With all this, the routine
\npractice of euthanasia (never formally sanctioned by the church or the state)
\nmust now be regulated to a gnat’s ass, just like everything else in the health
\ncare industry. Hospitals, insurance companies, administrators, and lawyers are
\nall demanding written policy on all procedures.
\n The laws regulating assisted suicide are now being written; policy and
\ninternal memos will soon follow. Up until now, what could be called “murder on
\nthe installment plan” has replaced outright assisted suicide: ghoulishly
\ncommon bizarre and macabre research on dying patients who are willing to bet
\ntheir remaining lives on long shot procedures and new drugs being tested by the
\nFDA. The pharmaceutical companies make an enormous amount of money
\nexperimenting on terminally ill patients, but the bodies linger on. Meanwhile,
\nthe health care institutions are asking, “how can we afford to support all this
\n(nearly) dead weight?” Throw the well-healed [sic] religious lobbyists into
\nthe mix and you get a good idea what’s at stake in the Kevorkian legal battles.
\n We read about the heroism of the slowly dying patient, or the brilliant
\nattempts by doctors, or a drug that could revolutionize the way we think about
\ndepression. In fact, all of these headlines belie the fact that millions of
\nAmericans (in the third world they at least know how to die) will have their
\nfinal days stretched out like putty, perhaps testing the next generation of
\nchromosome therapy; this, while the federal health care system runs our
\nhospitals with the high standards they now enforce through the Veteran’s
\nAdministration. People will demand death.
\n In fact, people are demanding death now, and not getting it. Doctors no
\nlonger follow the spirit of the Hippocratic oath; they must follow policy.
\nThis is not as it should be. Humans cannot be left jello-eyed in the busy
\ncorridors of our hospitals, or the back hallways of our mental institutions, as
\ntest subjects for drugs, medical procedures, and ambitious political agendas.
\nAs a pastor, I implore those who would kill slowly and without mercy to instead
\noffer the “good death.”<\/p>\n
Bureaucratic policy making is a grubby affair. It’s also organic. So,
\nlike a manure compost heap, it just keeps on growing, just as long as you keep
\nyour horses in the stable; that is, if you’re a hospital administrator\/stable
\nhand. And with growing inter-office memo manure grows a certain smell. I once
\nspoke with one of the head financial administrators at U.Mass Medical. He
\nsaid, “Every time the feds rewrite medical billing and subsidy regulations,
\nthey hire us guys from the medical community as consultants, and we haven’t
\ntaken a pay cut yet.”
\n Aside from being effective, assisted suicide must be made easy to obtain
\nwithout a lot of policy hang-ups. And for God’s sake let’s keep the insurance
\ncompanies out of it. I can imagine a worst-case scenario:<\/p>\n
“Doctor, I’m feeling so terribly depressed.”
\n“Yes, I understand, but the state board medical regulations don’t recognize
\nyour type of depression as grounds for assisted suicide.”
\n“Isn’t there any hope, doctor?”
\n“Well, if there wasn’t the matter of claiming your life insurance you
\ncould. . . but then there’s the matter of the pain, or a botched job.”
\n“Isn’t there someone else who could help?”
\n“Okay, here, I’m going to take you off the Prozac, and send you down to Dr.
\nFrankenstein. He’s a very somber fellow. I can hardly stand to be around him.
\nSee him, get a second opinion, and if you’re lucky enough to slip into a
\nchronic non-response depression, maybe he’ll send over to see Dr. Vader in the
\nnew Nixon wing. He heads up our suicide ward.”
\n“Thank you, doctor, but I sure wish there was a faster way that was still
\ncovered under the ’97 Clinton health reform act.”
\n“So do I, Mrs. Plath, so do I.”<\/p>\n
Mrs. Plath would get shuffled from doctor to doctor, treated with a candy
\nstore assortment of research drugs to test the ailments of other people, never
\narriving at the ultimate cure. When her bodily systems had become a puzzle of
\nnightmarish side-effects she would be less than mercifully “put down.” In a
\nsimpler world, I could imagine this:<\/p>\n
“Doctor, I feel worse than yesterday.”
\n“Well, it looks like the only procedure covered under your federal health plan
\nis assisted suicide. Any questions?”
\n“Not really.”
\n“Good. Take two of these tonight and have your wife call my secretary in the
\nmorning. Sign here.”<\/p>\n
Old Thoughts<\/p>\n
Be born, then prepare for death.
\nThe comfort of maturity is
\nHollow dullness before nothing.<\/p>\n
Become, go to work, slow death
\nOf schedules, meetings, habits,
\nA suicide of boredom.<\/p>\n
We weakly surrender life
\nWhen we stop being reborn.
\nWe are dying when we are not young.<\/p>\n
-Pastor Kim<\/p>\n
Halo Boy’s War Farm<\/p>\n
Halo boy sweats fire
\nOn the land his robot farms<\/p>\n
He clears a space to self destruct
\nHe builds his house
\nBy a rainbow<\/p>\n
His old war money
\nGets him nowhere
\nHis love is blind
\nHis hope is sick<\/p>\n
Halo boy forgets
\nTo keep his grudges
\nHe breast feeds
\nThe best of flaws
\nAnd settles feuds
\nBy tearing flags<\/p>\n
He picks a bluff
\nAnd takes his time
\nCradling nonsense
\nOn the farm<\/p>\n
When godly hard things
\nTurn to love
\nAnd numbered seeds
\nAre known by heart
\nHalo boy goes to bed
\nDischarging poisons
\nIn his sleep<\/p>\n
He milked the parts
\nMilked from fear
\nDaddy’s bible words
\nWere tongue in cheek
\nA white sorcerer’s truth
\nNo computer could back<\/p>\n
Halo boy’s cheap war games
\nShattered the nation’s
\nFactory spirit<\/p>\n
-Raven Drake<\/p>\n
THIS OLD CERVIX
\n Sister Catherine<\/p>\n
God deliver us from lawyers. Despite the election of a president who
\nactually admits to being pro-choice, the legal battles continue, and in many
\nstates, a woman’s right to obtain an abortion has become more theoretical than
\npractical. The Webster decision allowed Roe versus Wade to stand, but gave
\nmost of the tactical aspects of the matter back to the states. Many of the
\nstates, anticipating the outcome, immediately enacted legislation requiring
\nwaiting periods, parental notification, and exposure to absurd propaganda. The
\nirony of all this is that the people most likely to be affected are teenagers,
\nwho are also the most likely to need abortions.
\n Meanwhile, the United States maintains the highest teenage pregnancy rate
\nof any industrial nation, despite our world-famous “family values.” Even the
\nrestoration of Roe versus Wade to its former glory would be only a first step
\ntowards reforming abortion laws, practices, and attitudes. It has become
\npolitically correct to be “pro-choice”, but the very euphemism itself reveals
\ndeep misgivings within the people who call themselves pro-choice. The Church
\nof Euthanasia is not pro-choice. The Church of Euthanasia is pro-abortion.
\n Adults as well as teenagers have proven themselves irresponsible when it
\ncomes to birth control. Women and men (in particular) tend to lose the
\ncapability for rational thought when involved in sexual acts, too often
\nproducing unwanted children. If people are unwilling or incapable of sexually
\nresponsible behavior before or during the act, then it becomes the
\nresponsibility of society to provide treatment after the act. The time has
\ncome for abortion to be encouraged as birth control.
\n With the advent of the abortion pill, women can finally take matters into
\ntheir own hands. Dilation and suction are crude and obsolete. RU-486 is the
\nnew frontier for abortion, and I wish it had been available when I had mine.
\nAbortion should be easy, legal and free.
\n Where are all those fetuses going, anyway? Judging by the number of
\npro-life lunatics that manage to get hold of them, too many are winding up in
\ndumpsters. How typically American! Let’s recycle those fetuses, by combining
\ntwo of the pillars of the church. Fetus pate, anyone?<\/p>\n
THE LECTERN<\/p>\n
Why do people kill themselves? Let’s ask ourselves that. Why do people
\nkill themselves? They kill themselves because they’re unhappy! Because
\nthey’re unhappy with their life, with the way they feel, with the emotions they
\nhave. Now, what we’re saying here is that the main reason so many people are
\nso unhappy is because our culture, our society is out of balance. You can see
\nit in our art, in our magazines, in our music, in everything we create, there
\nis tremendous suffering, and this suffering is the result of our being out of
\nbalance with the earth. The human species is no longer in balance with the
\nforces that created it.
\n The only solution to this problem is to reduce the human population. There
\nis no other solution, and nature will take action to ensure that it happens
\neventually anyway. So all that we’re really saying, all the Church of
\nEuthanasia is really saying, is let’s save some time! Let’s take the heartache
\nout of this. Why make it hard when it can be easy? Why make it painful when
\nit doesn’t have to be? Who wants unnecessary suffering? Let’s reduce the
\npopulation now, the easy way. With rope, with potassium cyanide, with seconal
\nand a plastic bag, with whatever the Hemlock Society says is the best way to do
\nit, that’s the way we want everybody to do it, the way that causes the least
\ntrouble.
\n And let’s face it, we are at the center, the absolute epicenter of the
\nconsumer culture. We consume ten times more resources than any other nation on
\nthe planet. If it’s going to start anywhere it has to start here! And the
\nricher you are, the more money you have, the more assets you have, the more it
\nmatters that you kill yourself, right? I mean, it doesn’t help us much if
\nhomeless people are killing themselves. We want to see rich people, people who
\nmatter, people who are intelligent and liberal, people who consume, these are
\nthe people we’re after. We want these people to realize that…it’s going to
\nhappen either way. Either way. It’s like the end of the Roman empire, you see
\nthe end coming. Are you going to wait for the Germans to show up at the gates?
\nAre you going to wait for them to rape you and stab you through the throat with
\na big sharp knife? Why not just go out the easy way? A little bit of hemlock,
\nlet go of your personal possessions, accept it, it’s the decline of the West.
\nThe decline of the Empire. Let go. Surrender. Come to the Church of
\nEuthanasia, and let yourself go, surrender to the inevitable. Americans must
\ndie! Americans must die to save the planet!<\/p>\n
(From a sermon delivered by Rev. Korda on April 21, 1994)<\/p>\n
AT THE THEATER<\/p>\n
Corina: What are you up to? We’re up on the rock on top of some abandoned
\nhouse with narco and BFMV suspects in it. We’re waiting for them to hit some
\nplaces.
\nPowell: Sounds almost as exciting as our last call. It was right out of
\n“Gorillas in the Mist”.
\nLAPD: To all units, CHP advises their officers are in pursuit of a vehicle
\nfailing to yield, white Hyundai, license 2KFM102, now approaching Glennoaks.
\n(high speed chase, King pulls over)
\nP.A.: Driver! Put your hands out the window! Take your left hand, unlock the
\ndoor, and step out!
\nSinger: What’s your name?
\nKing: Glenn.
\nSinger: Get down on the ground, Glenn. (pause) Get down on the ground!
\nKing: Why you want me to get on the ground?
\nSinger: Get your hands away from your butt! Hit the ground!
\nKoon: (to Singer) Get back, we’ll handle. (to King) Get down on the ground!
\nIf you don’t start following orders, I’m going to electrocute you! Powell!
\nYou’re the designated shooter! (scuffle, King Tased, screams) Anyone else have
\na Taser?
\nothers: Lie down! Put your hands up! Put your hands behind your back,
\nnigger!
\nKoon: Powell and Wind, batons! Power strokes! (King beaten)
\nKoon: (later) You just had a big time use of force. Tased and beat suspect of
\nCHP pursuit, big time.
\nLAPD: Oh well, I’m sure the lizard didn’t deserve it, ha ha. I’ll let them
\nknow OK.
\nother: Sounds like monkey slapping time.
\nPowell: Ooops.
\ncar 2: Ooops what?
\nPowell: I haven’t beat anyone this bad in a long time.
\ncar 2: Oh not again. Why for you do that? Thought you agreed to chill out
\nfor a while. What’d he do?
\nPowell: I think he was dusted. Many broken bones later, after the pursuit.
\nKing: (waking up at hospital) What happened?
\nPowell: We played a little baseball tonight, didn’t we?
\nKing: What do you mean?
\nPowell: We played a little hardball, and you lost.<\/p>\n
-Transcripts of radio communications the night of the Rodney King beating,
\nexcerpted from GQ.<\/p>\n
SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT!
\nfiction, non-fiction, poetry, and artwork. Note that submissions cannot be
\nreturned unless accompanied by a suitable return envelope and postage.<\/p>\n
THANKS to Kim, Raven, Laura, Scott, Donald and especially CATHERINE for making
\nthe first issue of Snuff It possible. Next issue: Columbus and Socrates.
\nUntil then, one is well advised to drink BOTTLED WATER!<\/p>\n
NOTE that while the on-line and printed versions of Snuff It are identical in
\nterms of text, the printed version contains many photographs and graphic images
\nthat cannot be included here. If you wish to order the printed version, please
\nconsult the following catalog. Many thanks to Jerod Pore at Factsheet Five.<\/p>\n
postal address: Church of Euthanasia, P.O.Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143<\/p>\n
e-mail address: coe@netcom.com<\/p>\n
KEVORKIAN RECORDS MAIL ORDER CATALOG<\/p>\n
STPBS The original SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF bumper sticker, white letters
\non black vinyl, 3″ x 10″, now available at your nearest Spencer Gifts, or from
\nus, $1 each, or .75 each for twenty and up, .50 each for 100 and up, for a
\nthousand or more please contact us!<\/p>\n
STPIB The international SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF bumper sticker, easily
\nunderstood in any language, red and black on white vinyl, 3″ x 5″, $1 each, or
\n.75 each for twenty and up, .50 each for 100.<\/p>\n
STP12 At last! SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF, the incredible hit record from
\nThe Church of Euthanasia! Rev. Korda receives regular communications from the
\n“Being.” The messages arrive via psychic channelling, or “demons in her head.”
\nThe Being is a powerful alien intelligence who speaks for the inhabitants of
\nEarth in other dimensions. Move to the throbbing techno\/trance beat while
\nabsorbing their hypnotic suggestions. Be part of the solution! On 12″ vinyl,
\n$6 each, or $4 each for ten and up.<\/p>\n
STPCS No record player? No problem. Order it on cassette, $4.<\/p>\n
DEMCD Rev. Korda’s DEMONS IN MY HEAD is in a category by itself, according to
\nBrett Milano of the Boston Phoenix. Subtitled “An Environmental Punishment in
\nD Minor,” this forty-four minute one-track soundscape will permanently affect
\nyour subconscious mind. Dante’s Inferno pales by comparison. Right up there
\nwith Eraserhead. On CD only, $10 each, or $7.50 each for ten and up.<\/p>\n
KEVTS Be the envy of all your friends! Wear a KEVORKIAN RECORDS T-shirt! This
\nelegant shirt features the international SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF
\nsymbols. You’ll attract attention in any country. White ink on black 100%
\ncotton T-shirt. Specify L or XL. $10 each, or $7.50 for ten and up.<\/p>\n
COETS The brand new CHURCH OF EUTHANASIA T-shirt is here! We are truly
\nblessed! It says SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF in big spiky letters. Bold,
\naggressive, no frills. Pure Dada. Marcel Duchamp definitely would have worn
\none. White ink on black 100% cotton T-shirt. Specify L or XL. $10 each, or
\n$7.50 for ten and up.<\/p>\n
DEMCP A gorgeous 11″ x 14″ color poster of that creepy DEMONS IN MY HEAD cover.
\nA collector’s item. Get them while they last. $3 each.<\/p>\n
SNFYR A subscription to SNUFF IT, the quarterly magazine of the Church of
\nEuthanasia. Disgusting. A must. Only $10 for six issues, and you
\nautomatically become a card-carrying church member. Includes lovely stamped
\nmembership certificate, suitable for framing. Sample issue 2$.<\/p>\n
These prices are dated AUGUST 1994. We reserve the right to change them
\nat any time. All prices include postage and handling. Please include your
\naddress and PHONE NUMBER so we can reach you if there is a problem. Write
\nneatly, and use item codes when ordering. Make checks payable to CHRIS KORDA.
\nCash is OK for orders under $5, but please wrap it securely to avoid postal
\ntheft. We are is NOT responsible for any damage resulting from exposure to
\nthese products.<\/p>\n
