Released to the media after Dr. thompson was exonerated on various sex and
\nweapons crimes:<\/p>\n
WOODY CREEK COLORADO, May 31, 1990- Famed Gonzo journalist Dr. Hunter S.
\nThompson waves to a frezied mob of his supporters at yesterday’s press
\nconference on the steps of the Pitkin County Courthouse. . . where all charges
\non Sex, Drugs, Bombs and violence crimes against the doctor were dissmissed
\nwith prejudice by district court judge Charles Buss, who called Thompson “a
\nperfect gentleman” and excoriated the district attorney for negligence,
\nmalfeasance and criminal abuse of police power. Spectators aplauded as dept.
\ndistrict attorney Chip “shiteyes” McCrory wept openly at the verdict and was
\nled from the courtroom by bailiffs.
\n Thompson denounced the dissmissal as “pure cowardice” and said he would
\n“appeal it at once” to the Colorado supreme court.
\n Thompson descirbed the District attorney’s “whole goddamn staff” as “thugs
\nliars crooks” and “lazy human scum . . . These stupid brutes tried to destroy
\nmy whole life” he said, “and now they tell me to just forget it.”
\n “Fuck that!” he screeched. “They are guilty! They should be hung up by
\ntheir heels from iron telephone poles on the road to woody creek!”
\n The crowd roared and surged forward, chanting “Yes! Now! Hang them now!”
\n A man with a pitchfork rushed up the ancient stone steps and attemped to
\nenter the courthouse, but he was hurled away by Thompson, who blocked the
\ndoorway and told the crowd to “be calm.”
\n “Not now!” he shouted. “Not today! But soon! Yes! We will PUNISH them!
\nWe will chop off their fingers and gnaw on their sculls and feed their flesh to
\nour animals!”
\n The crowd responded by ripping up trees in the courtyard and hammering
\ncrazily on the hoods of nearby police cars. “Death to the weird,” they howled.
\n“They shall not pass! PUNISH them!” At this point Dr. Thompson was seized from
\nbehind by his two high-powered attorneys and rushed to a waiting car, which
\ndeparted at high speed.
\n Later from his heavily guarded fortress called “Owl Farm,” Thompson’s
\nlawyers issued a statement that called him “a hero, a saint . . . and the
\nbravest man in America. . . . Dr. Thompson is a great poet,” they said, “who
\noften speaks in apocalyptic terms.
\n “His comments earlier today about Death, Cannablism, and Vengeance should
\nnot be construed in any way as a threat to the physical safety of any living
\nthing.”
\n The statement was hailed by the press as “further proof that Dr. Thompson
\nshould be awarded the Nobel Prize for peace.”
\n “The Doctor will have no further comment on The Case,” his attorneys said,
\n“for legal reasons stemming from his $22 million civil lawsuit against the
\ndistrict attorney’s office, which will be formally filed next week.”
\n Later that night, however, the restive Gonzo journalist issued a mysterious
\n“personal statement” that local authorities called “very gracious, very
\nstrange, and very bloodthirsty all at once.”
\n He spoke of “a historical mandate,” citing mysterious blood feuds. He
\nrefused to talk about his rumored blood relationship to Gengis Khan, Cassius
\nClay, John Gotti, and other legendary warriors.
\n “But you forget, I am Lono. I am He. When the great bell rings I will be
\nthere.”
\n Thompson refused to elaborate on his claim to be Someone Else, and his
\naides brusquely turned aside press queiries. Reporters who persisted were
\nroughed up by burly “advisors” wearing bulletproof vests and “Owl
\nFarm\/Security” badges. One TV journalist, who begged not to be named, said he
\nwas taken to “a cistern somewhere in the compound” and forced to strip naked
\nwhile standing knee-deep in “ice cold water rushin up from an underground
\nriver.” For “many hours,” he said, he was tormented by drunken lawyers and
\nmocked by what appeared to be naked women.<\/p>\n
